#i feel like I'm going down a path and it's doing to be very disorienting if this is not actually what shannon's planned

[bookwyrminspiration]

do you have any theories about elysian? like i know she’s had like two lines so far and has existed for less than a third of a page. but do you have any thoughts about her backstory/what she wants/anything else?

(2/2) forgot to put this in my last ask (about elysian) but do you think she’s going to be for sophie or against sophie or somewhere in between?

I do have some ideas, but we know very little about her and I haven't put much thought into it, so keep that in mind. This is all very rough

Upon her introduction, three things stood out to me: she's the Lost Cities (both the cities' and the series) best kept, most dangerous secret, she is the "power source," and she nulled everyone's powers.

That leads me to believe she's tied to the elves' abilities. Perhaps she powers them somehow, grants them the power they have either willingly or is coerced into doing so . If she's tied to Nightfall and it's rare occurrence every few millenia, perhaps she can only act during those 12 days and if she's confined to the island--perhaps by some doing of the Ancient Council, maybe (huge maybe) tied to that stained glass dome--then she can't act.

So if she gave the elves their power then disappeared, the elves would be safe to keep their abilities until she reappeared a few thousand years later and could threaten to take them away. But confined to that island, she poses no threat unless someone comes to her; since that seventh element, the event, Elysian herself is stricken from the records and the place is coated in illusion, no one would come to her.

(very loose idea: maybe elves gained their abilities around the time of Atlantis, and the reason it was a human/elf city was because humans were becoming elves there. again, very loose idea I'm just brainstorming)

Based on the little I know and have guessed about her, I'm hazarding that Elysian'll be for herself. I don't think it'll be a pro/against Sophie situation, because Sophie's irrelevant to Elysian's world. We're used to things centering about Sophie, but this is a secret from long before she was even an idea in Forkle's head. It's beyond her.

I think Elysian will side with whoever promises to get her what she wants. Could be the Black Swan. Could be the Neverseen. Could be just Sophie herself. I don't think it'll be the council though, because she's part of a very buried secret and I imagine she doesn't like them much for it, even if the council has changed. And based on her being a buried secret, I imagine she was wronged in some way and wants revenge/reclamation of that to some degree. To get the council back, to get a certain amount of power, etc. I mean, first thing she does is take away other people's power. That may be telling.

Again, this is all really rough and based on minimal information, so take it with a grain of salt. But this is how I've personally read her character and fit her into my understanding of the series. Until proven otherwise, this is who I'm assuming her to be :)

[mskenway97]

well about this publication I thought what a yandere optimus with jealous would be like.

Warnings: manipulation, kidnapping, g/t fearplay, g/t content, surprise ending

Optimus would be totally calm and close to you, even if you don't see him. You are the light that illuminates his dark world, he can't risk losing you. For anything or anyone. He would convince you with kind words to stay at the base as long as you could, using the excuse that the Decepticons could locate you at any time. Something that was working for him at the moment until you started talking to that guy on the break you had from your work, a feeling of envy fluttered in his spark but in those moments he didn't see it as a threat since you were back in his servos. Until the encounters started to become more frequent, making this person a threat to the great leader. Convincing you was more complicated as he could not keep you in the base under his room between his chassis and near his spark. So he decided to take more drastic measures, like starting to look for information about this person, even where he lived and where he left letters that could freeze anyone's blood. But that person ignored those threats because if was serious that 'person' would be in front of her. The last one was a warning that she would suffer consequences tomorrow. That person tore up the letter as he walked away. The day went as it always saw you and continued with his work but he began to feel that someone was watching him in the distance. That person began to feel paranoid, finished work and went straight to run away.

But that feeling wouldn't go away, it decided to take another path, changing again and again until it reached a dead end. That person was looking around to see what was going on. Until it heard the engine of a truck, it was the same one that picked you up, so that person didn't hesitate to get in when the door opened. It expected to see you there but there was only the empty cabin, then that person felt how the belts squeezed him so tightly that it was hard to breathe leaving him unconscious. Once it woke up that person was looking into a large warehouse, with no windows to look into. It tried to move but saw that was chained. Totally disoriented, until he heard some footsteps in the distance to see a huge metal creature in front of him and crouched down in front of him. Those blue optics were staring at him making him feel completely helpless.

-You ignored all my warnings to stay away from it," said Optimus, completely serious and very cold.

-All those notes, that was you! But what do you want from me? - said that person as Optimus brought a digit up to his chin to look at him.

-I'm going to protect her with my spark… I'm not going to let people like you take it away from me… So if you don't stay away from her, I'll teach you a lesson. Or this will be more drastic" he said as the lights went out.

-Please don't wait! No!" said that other person. What happened that night in a nutshell made that person move away leaving you surprised that he didn't say anything to you that you thought you had done something wrong while you were being comforted by Optimus in between his servos.

Being his little by little until he had you forever.

[totowlff]

chapter forty-eight — starcrossed (again)

➝ their paths had led them to that moment, and they regretted nothing.

➝ word count: 2,2k

➝ warnings: birth description

➝ author’s note: i finally had the balls to post this chapter. i hope you like it and forgive me for the delay. these have not been very easy weeks for me in my personal life.

DECEMBER, 2018

As she opened her eyes, Elisabeth had the distinct impression that she’d been hit by a truck, but even through the haze of pain, her vision immediately focused on the small empty bassinet next to her bed. 

  Panic surged through Elisabeth’s body as she bolted upright from. All she felt for a moment was her heart pounding against her sternum, until the searing pain in her pelvis registered. Once it did, she couldn’t help but groan in agony.  

  — Fuck — Elisabeth gasped, trying to continue moving. She had to do something, she couldn’t just lie in bed all day. She had to…

 Hissing in pain, she had just managed to get her toes barely touching the floor when she heard the handle to the room’s door turning. She looked up to see Toto, holding a cup of something dark and steaming - hospital coffee, no doubt. 

— Liesl, what are you doing? — he asked, setting the drink down haphazardly on the rolling tray next to her bed so he could help her  — You heard what the nurses said, you can’t get up on your own, especially after a cesarean section.

  — The baby’s not in the crib, I just… I want — Elisabeth stammered, as Toto guided her back into bed. 

  — My love, the nurse took the baby to the nursery so you could get some sleep, don't you remember? — Toto said gently, brushing a stray curl out of her eyes. 

  Elisabeth blinked. She felt disoriented. She couldn’t remember even talking to the nurse, never mind talking to her about taking her baby to the nursery.

  — I want my baby — she stammered, as fat tears leaked from her eyes  — I'm the mother, I want my baby here by my side, I want…

  Toto took Elisabeth’s face gently in his hands, trying to soothe her.

  — My love, you need to rest…

  — I don't want to rest, I want my baby…

  — You need to rest, Elisabeth  — he replied, a bit more firmness in his voice.

  — But…

  — Please, my love. You spent 24 hours in labor, and had to have surgery on top of it. 

  Elisabeth blinked again. Toto was right, and it was the first time she realized the magnitude of what the past two days had wrought. Her life — and Toto's — had completely changed, and it was the most exhausting two days of her life.

Her water broke while she was at home. That part of the process was much more peaceful than what she had imagined. There was no panic, no mad dash to the hospital. She was more than ready, at least mentally, and her doula arrived in practically no time, keeping her calm and reassuring her that everything was going as expected. 

  However, the pain soon became more than could be managed at home, and a comment from Toto about how pale Elisabeth looked had the doula making the call to err on the side of caution. The obstetrician examined her, and noted that she was only halfway through the process at five centimeters dilated. 

She tried to be optimistic about her progress in those last six hours, after all, it was her first birth. But with each hour that passed, she grew more anxious, and the pain got much worse; the Pilates ball and the warm water bath in her room did little to help.

As the sun was coming up, the doctor examined Elisabeth again to check on her progress, declaring that she was fully dilated and that she could begin pushing before long. Her doula assured her that everything would be over in the next few hours, and Elisabeth felt encouraged.

However, things didn’t go quite as planned.

Although her body was ready to push, Elisabeth couldn’t do so without feeling excruciating pain, which neither the doula's techniques nor the powerful drugs in her IV line could alleviate. The obstetrician soon discovered what the problem was: the baby’s head was stuck against Elisabeth’s pelvic bone — fetal asynclitism, the obstetrician explained, the remedy for which was a cesarean section.

Elisabeth couldn't hold back her tears when she heard the doctor's words. She wasn’t sure if she was crying more from pain or from frustration; she’d already been in labor for several hours, along with the anxiety and anticipation, and in the end, she needed to have surgery anyway. Tears filled her eyes as she was wheeled into the operating room, trying to focus on what really mattered - the hope that her baby would come safely into the world.

As she settled back into bed, Elisabeth did her best to focus on the motion of Toto's fingers, which were drawing circles on the back of her hand.

— You need to rest as much as possible — he murmured, bringing her hand to his lips to place a kiss — I’ll be right here the whole time.

— You will?

— Yes, my love. Always.

With a small smile, Elisabeth allowed herself to close her eyes again, falling into a peaceful and dreamless sleep.

She was woken up by a loud cry — it sounded like an infant, which made Elisabeth snap her eyes open. She looked around the room until she saw Toto standing by the window. In his arms, he was holding a squalling infant, wrapped in a white blanket with a crocheted cap. Even though the baby looked far too small in Toto’s long arms, he looked like a practiced professional, despite his previous child being born fifteen years ago.

— It's okay, my little aprikose — he cooed, gently bouncing the bundle up and down — We just changed your diaper, what's bothering you now?

— …Hungry, maybe? — Elisabeth mumbled, adjusting herself to sit up a bit. Upon hearing her voice, Toto turned around, giving a small smile.

— Maybe — he replied, bringing the baby closer— Want to see?

Elisabeth nodded and adjusted herself a bit more so Toto could hand the baby over, as carefully as possible. As soon as the baby was securely in Elisabeth’s arms, she positioned herself so the child could suck on her breast. As the baby managed to latch, Elisabeth pressed her mouth into a thin line.

— Is everything okay?

— Yes, just sensitive — she murmured, looking into the baby's open and attentive eyes.

— Does it hurt? — Toto asked.

— It's not pain, it's just discomfort. It's weird.

— I can imagine — he said, placing a hand on her head, stroking her messy curls.

Elisabeth looked at her baby with an almost childish enchantment. She couldn't believe that she was holding the materialization of everything she felt for Toto in her arms. Despite the pain, anxiety, and exhaustion, it felt wonderful.

— Liesl — Toto said, after a few minutes of silence. Eliasbeth looked up at him, and he continued — Your parents are already here, they'll be up soon.

— Did you talk to them?

— Your mother sent me a message…

— I mean about — she hesitated for a few seconds — Him.

Toto looked thoughtfully at the baby.

It was not as if Toto and Elisabeth cared if they were having a boy or a girl, but they were keenly aware of Niki’s desire to have a granddaughter at last, but those dreams were dashed in the operating room when Elisabeth's obstetrician triumphantly announced that they were the parents of a big boy with especially strong lungs - considering the way he cried.

When they saw the baby for the first time, still covered in blood and squirming in the doctor's hands, Elisabeth and Toto began to laugh. Neither of them could really believe that their baby had turned out to be a boy, especially because they were so sure that they would be having a girl. As the adrenaline wore off in the recovery room, Elisabeth realized that she would have to tell Niki that he had another grandson afterall. It wasn’t as if she thought Niki would be upset, but he had been so excited about the prospect of a little girl, and Elisabeth didn’t want to disappoint him, especially given how fragile his health was these days.

— No, I didn't tell them.

She pursed her lips.

— He's going to be disappointed — Elisabeth murmured, looking at the boy who was still latched to her breast.

— I'm sure he won’t, my love — Toto replied, kissing her forehead — He'll love having another little Lauda boy.

The baby was back in the crib next to Elisabeth's bed when she heard a knock on the door. As Toto went to open it, she adjusted herself on the bed, running a hand through her hair. She was sure she looked like a disaster. “Don’t worry, everything will be fine”, she thought to herself, taking one last look at her son.

When her parents appeared in the doorway, Elisabeth couldn’t help but smile. She felt her heart pounding again as she saw the big bouquet of pastel flowers that her mother was holding. Behind her, her father trundled into the room with a black bag slung around his shoulder. There was a portable oxygen concentrator inside the bag that he needed to take everywhere now, connected to a cannula that looped around his ears and into his nose.

— Hi, my love — Marlene said softly, placing the flowers on the table before approaching her — How are you?

— Well, so far, so good — Elisabeth replied, while her mother placed a kiss on her face — In quite a bit of pain because of the incision, but everything else is fine.

— I can only imagine  — her mother murmured, smoothing down the strands of Elisabeth’s hair — Toto told us that things didn’t go quite as planned.

— Yes — Elisabeth sighed  — Let's say the baby got stuck and we had to go to plan B.

— But everything worked out, and that's what matters — Toto said, standing next to Marlene and putting an encouraging hand on Elisabeth’s shoulder.

 Elisabeth turned her head to the left and saw her father looking at the newborn in the crib with a contemplative expression. After a few seconds of silence, he looked up at her, sparkling with curiosity under his red cap.

— A boy?

Elisabeth nodded. Niki looked down at the baby.

— I think you and your brothers don't know how to make girls — he murmured, seriously.

— I thought you would be disappointed…

Her father let out a snort, interrupting her.

— Disappointed? Do you really think I would be disappointed in having another grandchild?

— Well — Elisabeth stammered, as he approached the bed — Toto and I thought that…

— Please, Mauslein, I could never be disappointed in you, especially at a time like this. Not to mention, you two can always try again, right?

She smiled, feeling her cheeks heat up.

— If you let me keep my balls — Toto murmured, winking at his partner.

— Maybe I will, I'll still think about it — Niki grumbled.

After a few more questionable jokes and Elisabeth discovering the hard way that she couldn't laugh without feeling pain, Toto asked the proud grandparents if they wanted to hold their new grandson. As Toto placed the sleeping baby in Niki’s arms, Elisabeth couldn’t help but feel her heart filling with a joy that was almost unbearable.

— He's beautiful, my love — Marlene said with a choked voice — Simply beautiful.

— He looks like you — Niki murmured, looking at Toto.

— Is that a good thing? — Toto asked.

— I still don't know — her father replied, looking back down at his grandson.

— I think it’s wonderful, Toto is a very handsome man — Marlene added — Besides, without the Lauda chin, maybe you won’t have to call him mausi.

The baby squirmed slightly in his grandfather's arms, the white blanket he was bundled in drawing a sharp contrast to Niki’s ever-present red cap. There was something beautiful and poetic about all of it, at least in Elisabeth's eyes. It was innocence in the face of wisdom, a life that began in the hands of one that had almost come to an end months before, both of them connected by something in common.

— What's his name? — her mother finally asked.

Elisabeth smiled.

— Andreas.

Niki looked up suddenly, looking like she couldn't believe his ears.

— What did you say?

— I said his name is Andreas — Elisabeth repeated, feeling her eyes fill with tears.

— Andreas Sven, actually — Toto added — We thought it would be appropriate to pay homage to both of our fathers. I hope you don't mind that, Niki.

A long silence filled the room. Marlene wiped her eyes, her lips pressed together in an attempt to avoid making any sound that might wake Andreas. Her father, on the other hand, seemed frozen in place, staring at the baby without saying a word.

— Dad — Elisabeth said softly — We can choose another name if you want...

— No, no — he murmured, looking at his daughter. That's when she noticed his eyes were wet — Andreas Sven is good, very good.

— Perfect, actually — Marlene added — And we can call him Andi, right?

She nodded as Niki handed the baby to Marlene and got up from the couch. Stopping in front of Toto, he seemed to hesitate for a few seconds before placing a hand on Toto's shoulder.

— Would you mind if I said something that’s probably sentimental bullshit?

— Of course not.

— Your father would be proud of the man you've become. And, if I may say so, I am too. You've grown a lot since I met you and, honestly, there's no one better than you to be by my daughter's side. Thank you for making her happy.

Toto smiled, before pulling Niki into a hug.

— And that goes double for you, Mauslein — her father added, as he moved away from Toto's hug — I couldn't be more proud of you, especially now. I love you.

It was Elisabeth's turn to smile, tears streaming down her cheeks.

— Thank you, dad. I love you too.

[incesthemes]

Wait huh it's my job to tell you to write? Yeah I can do that (please ignore that I haven't listened to you telling me to do the same yet)

breathes in very calmly and normally. i think i finished my fic. entirely thanks to you and your very generous ask. i think i'm in a state of shock actually like there's no way i just finished my fic right. what. huh.

anyway as humble thanks please accept my offer of this snippet from my fic:

“Nothing over here, either,” Dean says. Sam whips around, throwing the beam of the flashlight in a wide arc across the lawn. Then he throws it more purposefully, disoriented by the distinct lack of Dean anywhere around him. “Not there,” Dean says again, and Sam swears he’s going crazy. “In your head. I’m on the other side, behind the house.” Sam presses a hand to his face. “Dude, you cannot just do that!” There’s no response, and of course there’s not because Dean’s not actually here. Convenient or not, this whole telepathy thing is bullshit, and he’s way too on-edge to start hearing voices now. Just one voice, Sammy. Think of me like your conscience. He’ll pass on that, thanks. He hears what almost sounds like a grunt in his ear and he wonders if it’s the wind or Dean’s ghost or both, somehow. Sam determines not to worry about it either way. He turns his flashlight back to the path in front of him, scrutinizing every blade of grass he passes for some camouflaged bag of babies’ bones and dried weeds. But the more he looks, the more helpless he feels because there’s nothing here. And he starts to think Dean was right, and Sam was just being stubborn when in reality he’s screwed everything up and brought Dean down with him. And if Dean is right and this is all his fault, then he doesn’t even know where to begin undoing this, saving Dean from this godawful mess he’s wrapped them up in. He doesn’t even know how he did it in the first place, so how— “Hey, hey, little brother!” Dean calls, and there’s a distinct quality to his voice that makes Sam trust himself when he turns around again. And he was right: Dean is jogging up the path to join him. “Calm down!” Sam’s cheeks go hot and prickly. “I am calm!” “Nope nope nope, you can’t lie to me.” Dean shakes his head and raps his fist against his skull. “I know all your little secrets.”

[apomaro-mellow]

Part 3

Actually making his way through the grasses was pretty easy once he got started. And soon, Steve's spirits were back up again. He was dry now too so he was feeling much better. Still, he wasn't quite sure where he was going. He knew of the cardinal directions, but he didn't know where exactly his house lied.

"Maybe I should've read more books on geography", he said to himself, kicking a stray pebble.

"Well, well, well, what do we have here?", a smooth voice was heard from further down the path. But it was very oily sort of smooth.

Steve looked up and saw a very sharply dressed beetle. Something about him said bad news.

"I'm just a person trying to get home", Steve said, attempting to walk around with minimal contact when they got close.

The beetle grabbed his hand and twirled him around until his back was against the stem of a mushroom.

"What's the hurry? This neck of the woods gets real fun after dark. William Hargrove's the name. But pretty boys like you can call me Billy."

"Okay, Billy", Steve said as he shoved him away. "It was nice meeting you, but I've gotta get going." The sleave was rolling off him in waves and Steve needed to get away.

"Don't be in such a rush, princess. I know how to show you a good time~" He grabbed Steve's hand and kissed the back of it. An action that when Eddie did it, made him melt. Now he felt ice cold and like he needed a bath. Especially when Billy started to kiss up his arm.

"You're-!", Steve snatched his arm away. "Being awfully familiar. I don't even know you."

"I've told you my name already Toots, try to keep up."

"Toots?"

"Listen, you shouldn't be goin' home. The place to be is with me. And where I'm going someone like you could take center stage."

Steve raised a brow. "Me on a stage? Doing what?"

"With the face like yours, who gives a shit?"

It was official. He didn't like this guy. But beetles did have wings so...

"What if in exchange for performing, you fly me...up there", he pointed to a tree. From up there, he could see if he was getting anywhere close to home.

"Heh, pretty big order. You gonna sing big too?"

"Not sure what that means~", Steve said in a sing-song voice. "But if we have a deal~?"

He held out his hand which Billy took without a thought and pulled him into his arms. Was he actually going to get somewhere in his journey?

"I'll take you on a flight, pretty boy. But we're gonna go where I want."

Steve let out a gasp as they lifted into the air. Of course it couldn't be that easy. And Billy flew so fast and so wild, Steve couldn't even tell up from down, much less try and see if his house was in sight. After the trip, he was so disoriented, he didn't quite know what was going on until someone tried to take off his shirt.

That brought him back to reality and he shooed everyone out of the room, sort of swept up in the preparation. He realized he was in a dressing room and if the mannequin in the corner was any indication, that was his outfit for the evening. Steve let out a sigh. Didn't feel like he had much of a choice.

Maybe Billy would be more accommodating once he went through with this. He'd been keeping up his end after all.

"Just hope he doesn't expect a perfect performance with zero rehearsal."

Thankfully, Billy had kept to one part of his word. He really didn't have to do anything but stand on the stage and look pretty. Pretty being in an outfit that had him looking more insectoid, antenna and butterfly like wings to match. Even Steve had to admit that it felt a little nice to simply stand there and bask in the adoration of a bunch of strangers in the crowd.

It didn't quite feel the same as the way Eddie looked at him, or complimented him, but it was something. Then Billy twirled him too hard and the costume came apart. The next thing Steve heard was a bunch of boos.

To those with hard exoskeletons and feelers, Steve was much too squishy looking to be considered attractive. And it shouldn't have surprised him when Billy flipped like a coin.

"Sorry princess. Guess you're just too ugly."

That....that had cut a lot deeper than Steve had expected. He kept his eyes down as he was booed off stage and changed back into his own clothes, feeling delirious with emotion. No one even glanced at him as he left the club.

Night had completely fallen, which meant Eddie would've already came and went. He could've decided that Steve wasn't worth his time and wasn't even looking for him. Steve found a young tree to climb up onto and sit on a branch.

It was only a few feet of the ground but after being kidnapped, swimming, then drowning, walking for hours, and not a single meal to show for it, he was exhausted.

"Hey, you're still out here", Dustin said as he landed on the branch.

"Yeah I'm still here", Steve replied, not feeling up to conversation with a baby bird right now.

But Dustin must have been more empathetic then he seemed, because he just looked at him for a moment. "What's wrong? What happened?"

Apparently that was all it took because now the floodgates were opened. "I'm so, so tired. I'm hungry. And that-! That beetle!" His anger deflated as the last couple of hours caught up with him. "He said I was ugly", he said, voice full of dejection.

......"Is that it?"

"Dustin, just shut up. You don't understand."

"You're right. I don't. So he called you ugly, so what? Do you believe him?"

"It's not that simple-"

"It actually is. Did you feel flattered when those toads wanted to marry you?"

"No."

"And if the beetle wanted to marry you?"

"Barf."

"What if the fairy prince wants to?"

The way Steve's shoulders went up and he looked away with a look in his eyes that was both bashful and dreamy was all the answer Dustin needed.

"Alright then, that's settled. Eddie thinks you're pretty. S'all that matters." Dustin settled into Steve's side like he belonged there. His downy feathers were both soft and warm, perfect for a night that was starting to get cold.

"As for your hunger, I'll teach you how to forage tomorrow. It's about time you got some survival skills." Then Dustin let out a chirpy yawn and was almost immediately asleep. Steve decided to go with it and fell asleep next to him.

--------------------------

Despite Steve's worries, Eddie was indeed looking for him, diligently in fact. He flew on Honey's back even as the autumnal gusts blew them both around and tossed orange leaves their way.

Every time he thought about Steve out there alone, it spurred him on. He had promised his mother that he would bring her son home.

Whenever he thought back to that night, he thought of what-ifs. The biggest one, what if he didn't leave and instead just stayed over for the next few hours just talking? Eddie would've been fine with that, even if his Uncle Wayne found them. Maybe they would've even done more than talking. Eddie certainly wouldn't have turned away from a kiss.

He was so lost in that thought, it was only thanks to Honey that they didn't collide with an old well.

"Thanks Hon. And sorry. Gotta focus. Gotta focus."

When he found Steve he was never letting him go.

A/N: Steve and Thumbelina are actually the same character in that they are constantly put into situations and judged on superficial features and in this essay I will

Part 5

Tag team:

@telidina

@novelnovella

@ajeff855

@mars-the-witch

@ceejay-955

@punctualhowell

@child-of-cthulu

@estrellami-1

@cupcakesnwhiskey

@spectrum-spectre

[sorrybutthisonestaken]

The One and Only Spider-Woman pt. 3

A/n: notice how Noa uses less Spanish in this chapter (she's still mourning😭) but anyway enjoy this little snippet, and I'm very sorry for the delay

Ghosts

Screams fill the air the closer I get to the building. Over the radio they made it seem like a minor incident, but it has definitely escalated to something more.

I land softly against the outer window of city hall, sneakily sliding in through a broken one not too far away. All the lights are out. Electric wires hang from the ceiling and send sparks everywhere. I swing myself to the center of the ceiling to get a better view of what's going on.

The sparks give me flashes of the room. There is something in the light. Is that- is that a figure? Another flash to my left this time and the same human figure is shown in the electricity. The next time one of them short circuits it remains behind.

The man materialises before my eyes out of pure energy. He launches a ball of energy my way and I barely have time to move it of its path.

"Woah you're made out of electricity?!" I Marvel, shooting a web the man's way, but it goes straight through him. He growls, disappearing from his place and appearing right next to me.

“Ok teleportation is a thing!”. I move quickly in order to not get electrocuted. I might not have the best mental health but i’m not suicidal anymore.

"Where is the powerplant!" He gruffs. His voice sounds like a mix of all the different Tik Tok voice filters mixed into one. "you won't get hurt if you tell me exactly where it is"

"Uh I'm pretty sure that's not how this works bud". I shoot a web at one of the lower hanging cables. Tugging it I am able to hit the electric man thing. That's his weakness, for now at least.

I use it to my advantage, making a type of spider web out of the available wires to trap him in. Right. Left. No fill that gap before he escapes!.

"Not so tough now are you?" I tease, standing down on the floor to admire my work. He thrashes against the rubber, trying to find a gap wide enough for him to fit through like this. He unfortunately catches something I didn't. A rip in the rubber on one of the wires. He latches onto the live wire and begins to charge. A smirk plays on his lips and it's only now that I understand my mistake.

Oh no.

An explosion as he takes out the remaining energy in the building. His haunting yellow eyes lock onto mine and he lunges he's forward. He has enough energy now to be solid, being able to properly hit me as well as send bolts of electricity at me.

He manages to get the better of me and pins me right to the floor. I squirm under him, but he's draining me. I can feel my energy begin to deplete and I panic. I no longer care about turning the tables on him, but just getting out of here alive. I try to kick and pull away, but my energy is being litterally ripped away from me. It scares me more than I have been in a long while.

Suddenly he is being pulled backwards as someone else loons over him. The visitor stands between me and Mr sparkles as I try to regain some color on my skin.

Light Headed and disoriented it takes me a minute to get to my feet again. When I do the two stranger are already locked in battle. I get a better look on the new addition to the fight and have to double take. A spider symbol displayed in the back of their denim jacket. They too look different and out of place in reality but I don't question it as they get close enough again for me to join in again.

"Where did you come from?" I question as we both continue to attack our opponent.

"Spider punk at your service mate, but you can- oh fuck-" he dodges a bolt of lightening, "you can call me Hobie".

"Spider-woman, and I asked where you came from not your name burro"

"Got some spark don't you?"

"The only spark you have to worry about is this idiot we're supposed to be fighting!"

It takes the both of us a good ten minutes to neutralise the man in a sort of capsule thing that 'Hobie' just happened to have. Both of us are soaked from having activated the sprinklers, and our masks off because we'll oxygen is a vital part of being alive.

"Now that we can actually get acquainted". Hobie sticks his hand out for me to shake, leaning casually against the red glowing enclosure as if it definitely could not break at any given moment. "Hobart brown, but as previously stated please call me Hobie”. I take his hand with an unsure chuckle and a raised eyebrow.

"Noa O'Hara" I shoot back. To this his eyes grow slightly. Unfortunately he regains his expression as fast as it had changed before.

"You don't say? I happen to know someone with a very similar name". He's joking around now and I can't help but fall into this playfully banter with him.

"Could say the same to you man. I mean you are stealing the nickname of a famous idol". I decide not to tell him anything as his expression turns confused. If he doesn’t know who Jung Hoseok is in this day and age, I won't indulge him.

His watch thing on his wrist beeps loudly bringing us both back to reality. He looks at it for only a moment before giving a deep sigh and letting his arm fall limp at his side.

"Well I best be off, but I don't see why you can't come along" he jokes. Its an invitation as he opens a hexagonal portal to the gods know where. He waits for me expectantly.

Do I want to go?. I mean the idea is very intriguing, but it may cost me more than it's worth. I live on my own now and I have other responsibilities. But something tells me to go with him. It's not my spider sense, so maybe intuition.

"You coming mate?" He asks, having watched me internally struggle for a minute. It reminds him a lot of a certain someone that makes the same face when their mental cogs are turning.

I don't say anything out loude, scared that I'll let something out that I shouldn't. Instead I nod, confirming my ticket to the other side of the portal.

Hobie smirks, swinging the red capsule over his shoulder and signalling for me to enter first. Hesitantly I take a step forward. Reaching my hand forward, I try to feel the portal thing. It changes color, going from a foreign kind of red to one that you see more commonly around this world. It's not too much of a difference but enough for me to pick it up.

"It won't bite" Hobie jokes. I send him a playful glare. His hand goes up in surrender. One step, and I find myself flying through.

The ride is exhilarating. A rush as cold wind blows against me as I wiz past blurs. Glimpses into different places that I can't reach. I seem to be in a kind of tunnel, like one of those big water slides at a pool. I slow down just in time to find my footing and step out of a similar hole in space that i originally entered.

I find myself in a kind of elevator platform thing, and by the way my curls stand straight up on their ends i can tell i am upside down. Hobie apears seconds after myself and smirks at my disorientation.

“Yeah first times can be a bit of a bugger. You’ll feel good as new by tea time” he snickers. I roll my eyes, but the prospect of not feeling like my insides are in knots makes me smile a bit.

When my head stops spinning enough, I am able to finally get a good look of the place. We seem to be in some sort of skyscraper as we ascend quickly. Capsule-like vehicles float through traffic instead of driving on the ground, but this fact allows for so much more green than i am used to seeing on a day to day basis. Everything looks so- futuristic and advanced and it makes me wonder if this place is supposed to be in the future or something.

"Better put this on?" He says handing me a sort of bracelet. I look at it for a second. It's like one of those Snapp on wristbands you would get in goodie bags as a kid.

The platform stops moving and the door opens up. I gawk at the amount of people in this huge ass room. The architecture is well made use for as the criss crossing columns are used as paths to different locations instead of just support. Variation upon Variation of the same spider symbol is displayed proudly on suites.

“What is this place?” i ask my guide. My eyes dont stop anywhere for too long, quickly getting attention caught on something else and following that for a few seconds before the cycle starts all over again.

“Welcome to the Spider society” he anounces spreading his arms out wide in welcome. He greets a few that send a hello his way but continues to march forward. I, not knowing where to go, follow him blindly.

“The what?”

“Spider society. All of us are variants of one another from different universes”

“So same character different font?”

“Something like that yeah, some of us are Peters others MJs or Gwens and so forth. But rubbish to try and memorize all the names”

My mind begins to spiral with the possibilities. I dont even notice when Hobie takes me down a more private area until it gets too dark for the rest of the place.

Rows and rows of red enclosures like the one Hobie drags with him stand before us and it makes me freeze up for a moment. Hobie notices he's lost me and sighs when he sees the expression on my face.

"I know it looks bad, but Miguel thinks it's the best way of keeping them here until we can send these tests back to their universes" he explains. But now my face is paler than before.

That is his name.

It can't be him right? No way. It's just a weird coincidence. I saw him die and there is no way papà is Spiderman in another another universe, he hated me for a while!

"You alright there?" Hobie asks. He's thinking I'm right weird but can't blame me. He doesn't like this place all that much and he hasn't been here too long and he knows what it's like to be here and discover everything for the first time.

"Yeah" I push, trying to clear my dry throat, "yeah yeah I'm fine". He doesn't buy it, but nods anyway.

He motions for me to follow him once again once he's done securing the bad guy. I do so, not really seeing what else I can do.He leads me even further down this path. It keeps getting darker and darker. We pass a spider sort of contraption that I watch take one of the red capsule and make it disappear. Curiosity takes over anxiety and I start asking questions like normal again.

My guide does his best to answer all the inquiries. I'm not disappointed when he says he's not sure. He is honest enough to tell me about his short time as part of this league so I don't mind the gaps he leaves in the answers.

"Where are we going anyways? I ask him finally. He looks at me and then back on the path. I figure he's either hiding something or worried about the same thing. I can't tell what now but hopefully I can figure it out sooner rather than later.

"To meet the boss. He'll give you a better run through this whole operation than I can" he explains easily. He doesn't seem to be lying so I trust him for now. Innocent until proven guilty right?

At the end of the hall we come to a big room with high ceilings that seems to go on forever in the dark. High above us is a platform that glows from the yellow light emitting holographic screens.

A man stands between all of them. Ha stands like a statue watching his machines. He actually looks like a looming shadow with red streaks here and there. Something familiar is about him, but i ignore it to the best of my ability.

No this does not look like that time papa told me to wait in the patroller as he went to investigate something at some corporate office. No, his stance is not papa’s ‘im done with this’ stance. And no i would definitely not mistake this strange man i definitely don't trust at the moment for my papà in a crowd.

“Oi! Miguel, got the new recruit!” Hobie calls out. Both our hearts drop a bit, although his does slightly more. He knows who i am while i am just praying to the gods above that he is not a variant of that someone.

The platform begins to lower closer to the ground. It moves to the pace of a snail and when i look to my companion he just gives me this look begging me not to say anything about it. I decide to just roll my eyes instead. It really is dumb but then again dont want to be kicked out on my first day right.

The platform comes to a stop. His back is still to the two of us. My breath still in my chest as the air grows thick. Is it just me having a hard time breathing? He turns almost dramatically towards us. He's still in the dark. A step forward. My breath hitches.

Translations:

Burro: dumby

Papà: dad

A/n: cliff hangers are the best aren't they? I feel evil writing one for you guys but I promise you'll get the next part soon! Also I genuinely thought of jhope for a second in the theaters when I went to see the movie for the first time and heard the nickname "Hobie" no joke 💀.

Pt. 3,5

[stormbabylore]

WoL Questions/Answers - Elements

To the surprise of no one, I have a lot of feelings about Aeryn's association with the elements.

TL;DR? She's air-aligned with a perplexing attachment to the sea... and so she's also water-aligned. But also, I might have inadvertently set her on a path of finding balance in all the elements. O_O

(I ended up reading/researching quite a bit about this, and I'm sorry if you choose to read the chaos below the cut.)

Aeryn started her journey, in my mind, as more of a water-aligned individual. This is partially because of her backstory and partially because of my own attachment to the element of water. In the beginning, she eddies and flows with the story, going where the current takes her and quietly molding herself to fill the space allotted her (defined by the needs of the characters and the story being outlined for her). Very few people, especially in early ARR, see beyond the surface level to the very great depths of her, because she doesn't yet know herself and also doesn't wish to be seen - so she's often like the surface of a still pond, reflecting back what others want to see. She brings a kind of calmness and growth (in the form of change) wherever she goes, but she likewise has the capacity for intense, violent destruction when pressed. She is also inherently drawn to water, seeking out lakes, ponds, streams, and waterfalls by which to rest and lingering in places where she can listen to the rain or ocean waves.

But without meaning to, I realized I started working in a lot of references to her connecting with air in my fic - or rather, to be specific, I found several scenes that indicate she feels drawn to places where air and water meet. For example, in the Ruby Sea:

She swims down into the murky depths and stares up at the glow of sunlight at the edge of the rippling sky, where wind and water meet.

And this bit in the Sea of Clouds:

"I guess the ocean… it- sometimes, it- it also makes me sad?" she says. "It's like- like it belongs to someone else. Someone in another life that I can never be. Here, though-" She pauses and laughs, feeling oddly foolish. Then she tilts her head back to gaze up at the familiar constellations twinkling overhead – the same ones Urianger taught her to see so, so long ago – and she begins again: "Here, it's like the sky and the stars and the rolling clouds are my ocean." She closes her eyes. "I- I don't feel so blurred at the edges, because there's nothing here to remind me of anything that was never mine. It just feels..." I feel free, she thinks.

(Incidentally, the Sea of Clouds is one of my personal favorite areas in the game thus far - and one of Aeryn's, too. And the Ruby Sea happens to be where she first experiences a memory of her "past," so it has significance to Aeryn's story, too.)

One of the first websites that popped up when I did a quick search for the various spiritual and symbolic meanings of the elements had this to say regarding water:

There is only one water element—there’s no "me" water and there’s no "other" water. And so we reflect: "This is not me. This is not mine. I am not this."

This struck me, because it occurred to me that Aeryn's past self would likely have been more closely tied to the element of water, and so Aeryn in the present, on the Source, shares that in common, but also doesn't. She feels that attachment doesn't belong to her – it belongs to someone else, someone she feels disconnected from in a way that often leaves her disoriented, once she's made aware of it. The connection she feels to water can't fully be hers, because she can't be the person who once felt it.

And though it wasn't intentional (to the degree I really didn't even notice I'd done it until I started answering this question), at some point I started to associate Aeryn's present self, on the Source, with air. She spends so much time searching for answers, for understanding, that she has unintentionally fettered herself to a history she can't have. And I think when she breaks free from that – when she stops desperately longing for what was and instead seizes hold of who she is, now – she begins to soar for the very first time. And unlike in the early story when she moves where she is asked because she is asked (water), she chooses to "fly," not because anyone has asked her to, but because she wants to (air). So my new headcanon is that Aeryn reborn on the Source is more closely tied to the element of air.

That said, I do think that she will forever be some blend of both elements, just as she will forever be some combination of her two selves. (As I wrote above: she still loves the ocean, but in a dissonant, almost melancholy way at times. And though she finds freedom in the sky, she naturally relates it to the sea.)

Okay, cool, question answered!

But I'm still not done. >.>

Because the further I dug into this, the more curious I got about Aeryn's connection to all four elements and how it has grown and shifted throughout the MSQ.

Another website I found (HERE) had this to say about the elements:

WATER

"Symbol of rebirth, healing, fertility, change, dreaming, clarity, intuition." "While it is definitely an element that exudes relaxation, it can also bring melancholy and sadness if indulged in excessively."

AIR

"Symbol of knowledge, perception, communication, creativity, and strategy." "Air governs the mind and resides within the heart and throat chakra."

Aeryn (like every WoL) spends so much of ARR through Stormblood coping with a tremendous amount of emotional stress. (Please. Please get them therapy. And cute animal cuddles.) Stormblood in particular is heavily disorienting for her as she is losing all sense of self, watching others fight tooth and nail for home and belonging when she herself has none of her own beyond some few fragmented memories that both elate and terrify her. I think she perfectly embodies the various meanings of water depicted here. She has been reborn (via Hydaelyn's grace), has been charged with healing/changing a broken world (via Hydaelyn's blessing), and on the surface seems to be the picture of clarity and resolve. But she is melancholy and lost beneath the surface, seeking for her own sense of self and lost to some nebulous notion of where and with whom she might rediscover a seemingly lost sense of "home."

It's not until she is ripped from the Source and dropped in the First – when she finds herself reunited with the Scions, realizing just how much she has come to depend on them and their familiar nearness – that she begins to embrace more of her air qualities. Shadowbringers marks a distinct turning point in her ability to openly communicate with them (and some trusted others – which is why I find it fascinating that the air chakra is located in the heart and throat, as if her inability to openly connect with the element actually kept both locked to her). It's also one of the first times she starts questioning the tasks that are asked of her – or at the very least, that she comes to fear what it might mean for her to blindly follow. She begins to more readily perceive (and accept) how very much she cares for the people around her, and, by the end, she is granted clearer insight into what brought her to the Source in the first place, allowing her greater knowledge of her former life.

So to reiterate, I do still think she will forever remain a blending of both air and water. But that's probably a good thing, considering in many ideologies, it's important to seek balance among the elements, anyway.

With that in mind, early-game Aeryn had a significant lack of the other two elements, as depicted by the same website shared above:

FIRE

"Symbol of love, desire, anger, power, assertiveness, and energy."

I like to think of fire as the element outsiders who didn't know her would have assumed Aeryn to be, when in fact she had none of these things to begin with, least of all love – she couldn't even fathom what it might feel like to be accepted and loved; and she certainly lacked assertiveness, nodding along with a smile to anyone who asked anything of her.

EARTH

"Symbol of stability, nourishment, security, fertility, health, and home." "Earth is the most materially grounded element." "Earth governs the body and resides within the root chakra."

Aeryn figuratively had no roots. She was tied to nothing and lacked for stability, security, and home altogether.

When I look at the four as a whole, I think Aeryn has gone through an elemental journey over the course of the story as I've played it thus far. She starts out very malleable and formless, allowing herself to be shaped this way and that by external forces and more assertive parties (some very well-meaning, of course, but that doesn't change the point). And I don't think that begins to shift until Heavensward. She's still water, here, but I believe she's frozen (irony?) into something a little tougher, a little more sure of her capabilities, and a little less willing to let others past her surface. She's lost too many people for that… but then she loses another, and another, and she starts to get angry. It's very bottled, at first, but it's there. And with that anger are the first sparks of her awakening to fire that start billowing bigger and brighter over the course of Stormblood, fed (though she wouldn't realize it at the time) by the discontent of the memories awakened to her that also serve as her initial connection to the truth – and to the element of air. And air becomes her most predominant element over the course of Shadowbringers.

Despite all the emotional pain of that particular storyline, Shadowbringers might be when Aeryn is (thus far) at her most emotionally balanced (likely helping her to withstand the power of the light for as long as she did).

Which makes me wonder what Endwalker has in store, and if this will end up flowing full-circle with her discovering a real foundation for herself and connecting more with the qualities typically associated with earth.

(I will genuinely cry if my Stormbaby can finally reach a sense of security and know the feeling of "home" by the end of current MSQ.)

Anyway, if you stuck it out and read through all of this, thank you! ♥♥♥

/beam

[rivensoerthe]

Close Reading - Ancient Dreams In A Modern Land

MARINA's Ancient Dreams In A Modern Land continues on an empowering route for her of making the music she wants to make. After three albums aimed, to varying degrees, at securing traditional fame and success, ADIAML is a continuation of her rebirth, where she dropped "and the Diamonds" and decided that this work was for her.

Ancient Dreams in a Modern Land

This is such a powerful way to open the album. To me, it planted really powerful seeds to center that I am the product of sooooo much evolution and in the process me, and those around me, stand at the apex of human capacity and ability. It simultaneously acknowledges the power of the present while also paying homage to the work and ambition of the past. Furthermore, it alludes to lost wisdom from ancient eras that it is incumbent upon us to return to.

You don't have to be like everybody else You don't have to fit into the norm You are not here to conform I am here to take a look inside myself Recognize that I could be the eye, the eye of the storm I am not my body, not my mind or my brain (ha) Not my thoughts or feelings, I am not my DNA I am the observer, I'm a witness of life I live in the space between the stars and the sky

The emphasis on breaking from conformity within it all also gets at a very important idea: enlightenment cannot be found on the beaten path. It requires self-reflection and an awareness of/deviation from patterns.

Venus Fly Trap

Venus Fly Trap is her reminder to us that she could be making more commercially popular music, easily. Electra Heart was majorly successful and she could've gone down that road. Big pop producers were fucking with her. But she tells us she says!!!

Don't underestimate me 'Cause one day you're gonna see you're in a losing battle Babe, you'll never stop me being me I got the beauty, got the brains Got the power, hold the reins I should be motherfuckin' crazy Nothing in this world could change me

It continues on this path of emphasizing "I am not here to be commercially popular!!! I am going to stay here and do my own fuckin thing and if y'all come great but if not I really don't care lol I already gamed this shit and got enough money to live the rest of my life just fine."

Man's World

Man's World, the lead single. Sets the tone for the broader spirit of the album: analyzing the structures that have restricted our thinking and calling them out. It's accessible: we all know the patriarchy is fucked up, we all (as MARINA listeners) also know that climate change is a problem.

It's also optimistic while being delightfully ominous.

Spring appears when the time is right Women are violets coming to light Don't underestimate the making of life The planet has a funny way of stopping a fight

This life can be disorienting, but playing on spiritual principles of balance she provides an understandably anxious audience solace and empowerment.

Purge the Poison

Right out the gate she's talking about witchcraft, finding empowerment in her ability to make an impact, and analyzing how we have created so much of the damage around us. She is also saying, quite candidly, that there's a lot of toxic institutions in our way but that has always been the case. However, she also reminds us of the work we've successfully done to fight these instutitions.

2007 when size zero was the rage Britney shaved her head and All we did was call her crazed Harvey Weinstein, gone to jail Me Too went on to unveil Truth and all its glory The ending of a story It's a new world order, everything just falls away Our life as we knew it now belongs to yesterday Inside all the love and hate we can now regenerate Stopped how we'd been living every single day

The appeal to 2007 and all of its horrors is used in a peculiar way as a comfort. Like, look how far we've come in a little over a decade. Look how powerful we are at creating a just world. Change is coming!!!

Highly Emotional People

Highly. Emotional. People. This is the break. The first three songs are so empowering about change, but this is where she strips down and acknowledges how overwhelming she finds this world.

She takes the universe's eye here:

The universe hangs like a necklace from God Jewels suspended in the cosmos And it makes me believe This is how we're meant to be 'Cause we're just highly emotional people And you don't need to hide Sometimes it's hard to tell me how you feel I never see you cry

She flips the messaging on its head. After talking all her shit, rightfully so, about how impactful humans can be, she goes back and acknowledges how daunting it is for us to feel small. She tells us it's okay to feel small. She creates safety.

She also flips Man's World on its head: the unenlightened will be like blah blah she's a misogynist blah blah. But she candidly calls out the male suicide rate and unpacks how men are really the first victims of toxic masculinity.

New America

Admittedly my least favorite. Idk why it did feel corny to me when it came out and in retrospect I do think she made some points but it's also just like soooo on the nose and i think she could stand to be a bit more abstract here.

With that said I mean she didn't lie in a lot of it. I think this is one of the instances where i do disagree with her cuz she talks her shit about GMOs and its like idk girl that's rlly helped us fight food scarcity. But like we're allowed to disagree!

And I don't hate the song rlly. I mean I think there's something powerful to the idea of an American reckoning and a blatant call out of American hypocrisy. I just also think her fanbase already kind of knows this tea so it's one of those things where it's like "I mean yeah true but you're not really inspiring me here....."

But you know what a lot of them prob found validation and further explication of what they knew in this song so let's celebrate that!!!

Pandora's Box

Part two of the album. Heartbreak songs. A friend once complained about this to me, they were like she was really cooking with broader social commentary and now here she goes talking her shit about her ex boyfriend and it feels petty.

But like, this is really just a switch from the macro to the micro. Our relationships teach us so much about ourselves and how the world should work vs. does work.

In this specific case, it's her admission of her partner's adultery. And an acknowledgement of how, for someone with her mind, this was earth shattering in terms of maintaining her trust with someone who she had let in in the most intimate ways. It's about heartbreak and betrayal when you are a highly emotional person. It also alludes to the dangers of trying to heal others to the point where you sacrifice your own well-being. You have to make sure your cup is full first and others get the overflow!!!

I Love You, But I Love Me More

She alluded to how her partner "almost turned her psycho," and this is the response to that. When Marina gets upset, she leans into this ominous character. A character who draws boundaries through appealing to her ego/self-love.

It's also a rejection of the toxic pattern she had found herself in. He failed her, and she wants to heal dude but refuses to choose healing dude over herself.

Flowers

As we know healing isn't linear!!! At this point she properly resolves to breakup with her boyfriend.

I think it made me stronger But I would rather not Betray myself, just to keep your love at any cost And it's most tempting to give in When you hear the firin' shots When you are steps from winning back All the happiness you lost, lost Lost, lost With every careless action you let me slip away If you just bought me flowers, maybe I would've stayed You didn't think I was serious, I guess you felt so safe If you just bought me flowers, maybe I would've stayed

This is her going back to big picture Marina; there has been a whole relationship here where dude had the opportunity to prove himself and he repeatedly failed. And she cultivated the shit out of this garden but it just didn't fucking work.

And yes! She really almost didn't turn away, but she reminded herself of this broader pattern and how much it hurt her and she walked away.

Oh and a final note, there is something sad to the fact that she wanted to be there for him and knew there were things that were fake about him but was invested nonetheless, and he self-sabotaged. RIP

Goodbye

The actual breakup song. it's cordial, it's grateful, it's gentle. It's sad, it's grieving. But it's also optimistic. It acknowledges where her faults allowed this dynamic to get as toxic as it did. At the center of it is her relationship with being a healer.

I've been a mother to everyone else To every motherfucker except myself And I don't even have any kids

She's putting herself first!!! Like it's that simple. She's drawing boundaries for her own protection.

[thatvalentinefellow]

9:31pm.

damn, i woke up from a very late nap a little after 8pm, and i'm not sure what to do now. i should make an account of the day, though.

i woke up too early and stayed for over an hour in bed trying to sleep, or at least rest in the dark. i finally got up around 6, did a tarot reading and my prayers, and that helped. having a depressive episode and not getting enough rest isn't a good mix and could lead to me feeling worse, so i was trying to be careful about that. my morning routine helped calm me and give me a focus. i just felt so disoriented and confused about my thoughts and feelings. it was sort of like being in the middle of a storm and having to pick a direction and start walking, and eventually i will find a path out. and i did. and i will.

getting up at 6 rather than 6:30 was in some ways better because it gave me more time to get ready. it would be nice to do that more but that depends on what time i go to bed, if i keep going to bed at midnight or 1 that's not happening lmao. i drove to class, took a local road again. still took an hour and i kept hitting all the red lights, i might need to experiment with leaving the house earlier.

at BritLit class, we discussed the John Donne poems, with my prof the class read some poems aloud and we went through it line by line. i allowed myself to drift and not have full concentration that day, putting that pressure on myself wouldn't help. discussing "The Sun Rising" and "The Flea" in class definitely helped me understand them better. i had my laptop open and spent class listening and planning what classes to register for next semester.

when i woke up this morning and after my late nap, i felt a tickle/very small pain in my throat when i drank water. my sister has been sick for days. i hope i'm not catching what she got because she's miserable. i should've been more careful, though.

after BritLit, i went to the food court to recharge my laptop and get second breakfast. i had a vanilla cold brew shake and a ham and swiss sandwich. i caught up with A a bit over discord. i packed up early and headed to the location of my SciFi class. that was a lucky moment, because i'd forgotten the class would be attending an online conference that started at noon, before our regularly scheduled class time. we listened to Dr, Grace Dillon discuss Indigenous Futurism(s), a term she had coined. she shared a lot of wisdom (i wish i listened better, and that i could articulate it better...need to read her work) and spent a lot of the time highlighting Indigenous Futurist stories that had come after her. it was humbling listening to her give back to the community like that, and made me want to be the same. it was clear in the conference that she is well-loved and admired in the Science Fiction scholactivist community. she also gave a long land acknowledgement that was like, damn, this is what we should be thinking about when these acknowledgements are given. intention and action behind them.

after class, a classmate and i went downstairs together as there was an open house for English majors going on. i was worried we would only catch the tail end of the event. during the online conference, i could hear the open house going on two floors down, and it was quite loud. my SciFi class was there, so it was somewhat busy, but not as loud, and i preferred that. i caught up with some of my professors, signed up for a student literary club, ate some cookies (want more cookies), and scored some free books. our professors knew how to get us, with those free books; we're all nerds here. i scored a copy of the Norton Chaucer, thank god, i don't have to buy it.

[khthonyk]

I want to discuss my beliefs briefly, so that the royal we are all on the same page. As my username suggests, I am primarily a follower of Dionysus and their way of life, though I will admit to stumbling quite a bit. But I also feel pulled off in other directions. Before I go rambling off on a tangent I'd like to lay it all out from the beginning.

As a child my parents encouraged my love of reading and fascination with mythology. This is, of course, where my path ultimately begins. To be utterly outright, I am mildly disabled, but it was more severe as a child. Or rather, after years of physical and occupational therapy I was deemed to have learned all I could to help me try to get in sync with the world around me. And as my country doesn't offer support for adults with my disability it's kinda become a moot point.

But moving forward before I ramble again, I always felt a sympathy for Hades, all alone for months out of the year. But I never could explain why. Maybe because I too felt alone as a child (and still sometimes now), and like I was an outcast due to my physical ability, or maybe I sensed there was more to it. But I understood that yearning for companionship. Needless to say, my seeming obsession with the Underworld and Hades did not go over entirely well with my parents (their concern being mostly with the fact that pop culture skews him with Satan) or with my highly religious grandmother who'd have preferred I was never introduced to mythology in the first place, but I'm rambling again. Long story short, Hades had a commiserate in me.

But as children do, I learned to hide those thoughts and feelings, and as these things do, they returned with a ferocity later in life. I would drift back into the world of the gods and goddesses when I was in my third year of college. The same empathy I had felt for Hades resurfaced, and it wasn't alone. And yes, I can hear you now pounding away of your keyboards, screaming at the screen 'Mel, stop rambling! You've written three paragraphs about Hades and he's not even your patron deity! Move on!' And to which I say, fair point.

Dionysus was an interesting one. In which I didn't really go looking for them, they came looking for me. To fully explain this I have to start by saying I very rarely dream, and when I do dream it's nearly indistinguishable from my real life. So when I tell you I had not one, but two visions I need you to believe me that it wasn't a dream. I have gone on to have multiple more visions, but my first two will always stick with me. My first was being enveloped in a bright mist and being almost disoriented but at peace, confused but certain and like I could never begin to contain the joy I felt bubbling in my chest. I should pause here to say that my visions have become clearer since that first one a few years ago, like each new vision comes further into focus.

My second vision was when I first began to realize someone was speaking to me. In it I was chasing a young child, no older than 10 through a crowd. Everyone except myself and the child were in sepia tones. And this child had the most joyous laugh and the brightest eyes I had ever seen. I have prayed to see those eyes again, and have wept every time upon waking after seeing them again, and being gifted to see more than anyone could ever dream of. And I've continued to chase that high since.

But I fear I'm rambling again. I have to figure how to break this down into smaller pieces. I probably won't, but I should.

[luxeavenger]

County Lines

Day 11 Kinktober prompt: Chase Kink

Rating: Explicit (18+ only)

Pairing: Dark!Lloyd Hansen x reader

Warnings: Chase kink, consensual non-consent, discipline, corporal punishment, face slapping, spanking (with a belt), pain/pain play, oral sex (m receiving), face-fucking, hair pulling, restraints (Lloyd's boot, and a belt), vaginal fingering, piv sex, rough sex, choking, degradation

A/N: This is a consensual encounter, but for sure doesn't seem like it. So please mind the tags. Your internet consumption is your responsibility.

Words: 1918

My fics have not been showing up in the tags, so I'm relying solely on reblogs to get them out there. So I'd be so very grateful if you could reblog. To everyone who has been reblogging—ya'll are rockstars!

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You don’t know where Lloyd is.

You never know where Lloyd is.

But you’d bet a great deal of money that he’s out here somewhere, strolling through the woods, with a lazy smile plastered on his face.

He does love a good chase, after all.

You’ve been running from him all day. First through the city streets, changing taxi cabs often, trying to disappear into crowds.

Once you’d run out of city, you’d taken to the woods. You hoped you lost him in the hustle of the busy streets.

Except you know you didn’t. You know he’s here, somewhere. Even through the frenetic energy that strobes through your disoriented mind like a beacon—you can feel his eyes on you through the spaces between the trees.

Trying to run full-tilt through the woods is ill advised at the best of times. But this isn’t the best of times, and you’ve accrued enough lashes from branches, and scratches from twigs you felt like one big raw nerve.

You were starting to flag.

And Lloyd knew it.

Suddenly your silent stalker was telegraphing his location. It’s all done purposefully. Lloyd has always had a flair for the dramatic. The snap of a branch to your left. The rustle of leaves to your right. He’s toying with you, and you know it.

Suddenly Lloyd lunges into your path, and snatches you up tidily. An arm around your waist, and his hand over your mouth he shushes you gently while you thrash uselessly against him.

He holds you against his broad chest until there's a break in your histrionics, then he shoves you down to your knees, the dampness of the leafy forest floor immediately starts soaking into your pants.

“Lloyd, I-”

He interrupts you by grabbing your jaw so hard the unforgiving gold band of his pinky ring grinds against the bone.

“Shut up,” he spits. “Did you even try to get away? The agreement was: you try to make it over county lines, and be a nice warm, wet hole for me when I catch you, or I’d have to do something…” he pauses to roll the word around in his mouth before he offers it to you, “...extreme.”

“I did! I-”

You attempt to offer an explanation, but that’s not the way this is supposed to go, and Lloyd isn’t interested. He pushes his thumb into your mouth, and presses it into the soft spot below your tongue, pinching it from the other side with his index finger.

The pain is immediate, tears pooling against your eyelids as he deepens the pressure.

“I told you to shut up,” Lloyd remarks flatly. “You were supposed to run, kitty. And you were supposed to do a good job of it.” He uses his free hand to gesture at his pristinely clean polo shirt, chinos, and boots. “I didn’t even break a sweat, kitty.”

He looks down at you sternly, “Do you think you did a good job running away from me?”

You shake your head as much as you can with Lloyd fish-hooking you.

He smooths a hand over his mustache, humming thoughtfully. He releases your bottom jaw, only to push two fingers into your mouth, and deep in the back of your throat.

“I’m gonna hurt you, kitty,” he declares emotionlessly.

He shoves his fingers even deeper down your throat, the rest of his fist forcing your mouth open, and his pinky ring is scraping against your teeth. You gag loudly, a rough glottal noise that makes Loyd’s cock diamond hard.

“Don’t scream.”

He quickly opens the front of his powder-blue chinos, and pulls out his heavy cock. You open your mouth for him, but he slaps his dick against your cheek a few times, it leaves a trail of precome along the flushed skin.

“Open your mouth,” he commands. “Wider,” he barks when you comply with his request, but not to his satisfaction.

He smacks your cheek with an open hand, not hard enough to hurt badly, though you know that’s what’s coming next if you don’t get it right this time. You can’t help the way the slap makes your cunt throb.

He hooks a thumb into your cheek and yanks it back to wedge it against the hinge of your jaw. He growls at you, “I said fucking wider.”

He forces your jaw open until he’s happy with the results, then slaps your face a couple more times before shoving his cock down your throat. He doesn’t bother letting you adjust, just hooks his other thumb into your other cheek, and uses your throat as a cock sleeve.

He’s more in your throat than out, and he’s not giving you enough time to catch your breath when he’s out, so you put your hands on his hips, deliriously hoping to slow him, even for a moment, because the forest around you is starting to go hazy from the lack of oxygen.

Lloyd yanks himself out of your mouth, and lets you sag unceremoniously down onto the forest floor. You hack and cough up phlegm, and retch up the bile that stings the back of your throat.

He pulls you up by your hair, and wipes his cock on your face, leaving a trail of your saliva to dry prickly on your skin while he tucks himself back into his pants.

“Get your pants down,” he intones coldly. When you’re not moving fast enough for him, he barks in your ear, “Now!”

You’re struggling with the button as you hear the jingling noise of Lloyd pulling his belt through the loops of his pants.

“You don’t want me to repeat myself,” he warns coldly, as you continue to struggle. Then after a second he makes an exasperated noise, pulls his boot knife, and slashes your pants and underwear in half from your belly button to your spine. He pushes the scraps to the side to get at your skin.

He folds his belt in half, letting it dangle next to his thigh. “Get it. in. the. air,” his words are clipped, his tone impatient, and you know you’re just about out of chances to mind him.

You rest your cheek on the damp coolness of the forest floor. Even though you know what’s coming, the first lick from Lloyd’s belt startles you. Your ass is immediately alight with pain, it makes you scream and claw at the decaying leaves.

He grabs your hair and pulls you up so he can snarl in your ear, “Didn’t I tell you to shut the fuck up?”

You hastily try to defend yourself, “I am, Lloyd! I’m trying!”

He makes a disgusted noise, and lets your hair go. With a whine you collapse back into the position in which he ordered you.

The belt snaps against your ass a few more times, and you somehow manage to hold your tongue, but after the third or fourth impact, your traitorous hands scrabble against the ground, your fingers digging furrows in the dirt.

Lloyd comes around to stand beside you, with a disappointed noise. “Can’t even stay still for two fucking minutes, can you, kitty?”

The next thing you know, Lloyd’s boot is on the back of your neck, pressing your face into the clutter of the forest floor.

“Behind your back. Now.”

You can feel the tread pattern of Lloyd’s boot on your skin clear as day when he bends to tie your hands together with his belt.He makes efficient work of it, immobilizing you in seconds.

It’s shameful how wet you are right now.

Lloyd says as much when he kneels behind you.

“Dripping like a fucking faucet, kitty,” he remarks with disdain. He shoves two fingers into your pussy with an appreciative hum that isn’t meant for you. By the sound of it, he’s licking your juices off his fingers. “You can’t even take a punishment correctly. You enjoy it too fucking much.”

Even though what he’s saying is one hundred percent true, you still feel the need to defend yourself, “I don’t-''

But Lloyd cuts you off.

“I guess I’ll have to try harder then.”

He shoves the thick head of his cock into your entrance, and you immediately try to squirm away. It’s a completely ineffective action with your hands restrained behind your back. It just makes him clamp a hand down on your hip with bruising force.

You whine, “I’m not ready! It’s too much!”

He snorts at your protest. “Don’t worry, kitty,” he reassures you through gritted teeth, “I’ll make it fit.”

He pushes in with one brutal thrust that knocks the air out of your lungs. All of the sensation in your body is focused on Lloyd’s cock splitting you open. You clench around him, and his length throbs inside you.

With a growl, Lloyd grabs the belt that’s wrapped around your wrists, hoisting you up a few inches off the ground, so he can use your body weight as leverage to fuck you hard.

Your shoulders are torqued painfully, and as soon as you can breathe again you whine pitifully.

Lloyd huffs in amusement. “There we go,” he coos, “that’s much better.”

His hips slap tirelessly against your ass, and Lloyd pinches, and smacks any bare skin he can reach until your ass and forearms are red and raw.

He uses your arms to haul you up against his chest, which somehow shoves him even deeper inside of you, so he’s kissing your cervix with every thrust.

He pants in your ear, “You’re gonna come for me.”

It isn’t a question, and as soon as he points it out, you know it’s true. All it takes is for his hand to slip around your throat and squeeze until your air is cut off.

“Now,” he growls.

Your orgasm rolls through you like an electrical current. Your vision goes white, and you shake against Lloyd.

Lloyd releases your throat, and slaps your cheek before swiping a hand over it. It comes away glistening and wet with your tears.

“There is it, kitty,” he sounds pleased with you—with your tears. And the implied praise makes your cunt clamp down on his cock.

He chuckles and pushes you down onto the forest floor again. He plants a hand in the middle of your back and puts his weight into it, so you’re completely immobilized by him. He fucks you mercilessly, and the change in angle has you drowning in another orgasm almost immediately.

Lloyd groans long and low when your pussy starts milking him. He rumbles, “Yeah—oh fuck—just like that. That’s it. Such a good little hole for me. Fuck.”

He’s talking to himself, but the compliment makes goosebumps prickle over your skin.

His weight disappears from your back, and he’s grabbing your hips to pull you closer. The belt loosens from your wrists, allowing you to get your hands under you. You mutter, “Thank you, Lloyd,” over and over again.

Soon Lloyd’s rhythm falters, and he buries himself inside of you and comes with a loud groan.

As soon as he’s done, he pulls out quickly, his come dripping out of your messy hole, and pattering down onto the carpet of leaves. He uses the shredded remains of your pants to clean the mess off his dick before tucking himself back into his chinos.

He stands, and takes a second to examine his appearance, the wet knees of his pants, his untucked shirt, hair gone askew, he smiles at you. “There you go, kitty. I knew you could do it.”

Thanks for reading! Please remember artists rely on readers like you to hit that "reblog" button. For you - it's free. For us - it's worth everything.

The dripping slime from my signature is by Rivermakes on DeviantArt, and was free to use with credit.

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[boozye]

Writing prompt: barbatos takes Dani with him on his day off, away from the city, have a quiet and relaxing time and they end the day cooking together.

THIS DEVOLVED INTO SOMETHING. Don't know what exactly, you saw one of the times of me try to reign it back into track but boy there were many.

Thank you for the prompt Liz 💕 I feel like a learned a lot from this. I learned I can take a cute prompt and turn it edgy somehow. (alas, I won't deal with whatever tumblr did with the spacing when I pasted this)

Barbatos x Fan MC Daniel (they/them)

Warnings: Mention of alcohol and smoking. Mention of food. Character coming out as asexual. Romantic advances and very avoidant shenanigans. Open end.

Words: 2522 (how... how did this happen)

After a long week, another student council meeting was over.

Everyone left as soon as they could, except 2 people. Barbatos had asked Daniel to stay after the meeting. The human, assuming it was something serious, agreed. They never imagined it'd be an invitation to his retreat from the job.

"I can't. I have to deal with some stuff," Daniel responded. Cryptic as ever and unwilling to give anyone a clue of their business.

"I figured as much, which is why I took measures," was the demon's counter.

The human looked at the demon warily.

"I will not take you by force, or intrude on your afairs, Dani"

"Is this a scheme? Are we going to another confectionery expo...?"

He chuckled.

"Why? Would you like to?"

No answer. Dull eyes aim at his, defiant. He delighted at the reaction. And brought his gloved knuckles to his own chin.

"I'm joking of course," he assured. "But I've noticed you seem... even more distressed than usual lately. And since I cannot offer a solution, I can at least offer some respite."

Daniel kept their eyes on him, waiting for him to elaborate

"I've procured a pocket in time. So long as we are there, time will not pass here."

"Tsk...seriously." they were not incredulous of his power, quite aware of it in fact. Their disbelief laid in that he would bother to do that at all. As if he didn't have better things to worry about. "Oh, brilliant. At least that way any troubles the brothers may cause will be contained."

"An astute assessment," he admitted. "However I did not extend the invitation to them."

"Why?"

"Because I'm only inviting you."

And there it was, though their composure seemed unbothered, they squinted their eyes. "...No time will pass here?"

"That's right."

"And when can we go there?"

"At any moment from now."

"What is this place like?"

"A quiet cottage, on a green hill."

They sighed, "yeah, that sounds good."

Since no time would pass, there was no real need to tell anyone of this escapade. At least to Barbatos, the all powerful demon, always knowing and almost all seeing. But the human felt it necessary, to spare themselves the trouble of explaining to others later why their disposition might be different from one minute to the next ("recent" events feeling older, being disoriented for a while, etc)

None of the brothers were thrilled about it, but neither did they protest more than superficially. They wouldn't notice the absence after all. More than one asked about going. Barbatos simply reiterated who his invitation was extended to, and the purpose of this venture.

And with that and a backpack of essentials, they walked through Barbatos's door.

It was sunset at the location, great way to avoid being immediately blinded by the sun.

The portal had opened in an old forgotten shed in the woods, a 10 minute walk from the destination. A narrow stone path marked the way. Not 2 steps into said walk, the human was yawning, their mind slowing down already.

Barbatos asked out loud, "Do you know this place, Daniel?"

"Hm? No, I've never been here."

And yet, their guard fell enough that they seemed ready to drop asleep, was it really all it took? He almost missed the question made back, in his thoughts.

"Have you?"

"A couple of times. I had to make sure the place was ready."

They didn't ask further. The little building's door was before them. 2 floors, small, a short veranda, red tiled roof. With a sleight of hands, Barbatos produced a key and opened it. Then promptly handed the key to the human, who took it perplexed and started examining the pretty object.

"Take this key, so you may come and go as you please, at any time."

Their eyes widened a little, and he caught faint signs within dark coloured eyes, of pupils dilating briefly. Message received.

"Got it. Thanks."

Upon entering, Barbatos explained where each room was as well as some appliances at their disposal. All Daniel had ears for at the moment were 2 things, the bathroom, and the bedrooms.

"I'm going to bed right now. Goodnight."

It was around 7pm...

They made a beeline from the former to the latter, picking the room at random.

Barbatos shook his head, "they didn't even have dinner..."

Well, he might as well relax and make himself some tea for the moment, he headed to the kitchen, it wasn't large, with 2 stoves and an old fridge that would be yellowed had he not come beforehand. As the tea brewed, he decided to check on his guest. Silently and slowly the door was opened. The sight; a mess of dark hair poking out of white fluffy blankets, not even on a pillow, and a nose peeking out. In a dark room visited by moonlight, and the occasional sigh and rustle of bedsheets.

He closed the door again, as quietly as he had opened it, and went back to his tea at the table.

For now he would kill time by going for a walk on the nearby town, prepping things for the next day, and heading to bed. It was his break too...

He got up at sunrise. Old habits die hard, not that he thought he shouldn't. His human world clothes were prepared for this breather. All were on but the shoes, which dutifully waited near the outside door. He headed to the kitchen, wondering if taking breakfast to their room would be imposing when...

They were sitting there, head messy as ever ("So they really don't brush..."), slippers, misaligned pijamas, a cup of coffee and a couple pieces of toast on a plate before them, on the kitchen table.

The human put the food down and looked at him, "Morning! I just went ahead but, is it okay?"

"Is what okay?"

"That I just take this? Maybe you had plans for it or something."

He sat opposite side of his guest, the table was so little, their knees almost touched. A far cry from the dining room table they didn't use for some reason.

"While I was indeed thinking of dishes to cook for us here, Daniel-" He placed his fingers over the human's. "- Everything here is always at your disposal."

They looked at him, but before their mouth could say anything, their stomach protested. A small rumble filled the silence, Daniel looked to the side tiredly. "My bad."

"You did forgo dinner last night." He smiled calmly and retrieved his hand, placing it on his own chest. "Allow me to put together breakfast."

"I'll cut the vegetables I want on my omelette." They stated calmly as if expecting this, and finishing their coffee."Be right back" They stood and left to their room, presumably to get dressed. "Leave me something to do, all right?" Echoed through the house before the door was closed.

__________

How many days had it been? 3 or 4 probably, Daniel told themself as they looked out the window at the dark sky. Not that they were any good at recalling timeframes. It'd been rather peacefull, they had to admit. And doing chores behind Barbatos's back was fun. They wouldn't even stick around for his reaction, taking his words to heart, they came and went as they pleased, at the dead of night or midle of the day. They did have to ask him to stop staying up waiting for them though.

"It's awkward, please don't." They justified.

The butler frowned. "It is my priority to make sure you are safe."

They furrowed their eyebrows. "Then just come with me, I'll show you where I've been and we can hang out."

Barbatos was taking a long bath and recalling as well. He couldn't wait to tell his Young Master of this escapade. Daniel had invited him out to one of their walks. Turns out the human had an eye for the overlooked spots. Hole in the wall kind of places. They'd found a rare tea and spices store he somehow missed, hidden in an alley. The alley itself turned out to be an entrance to it's own community, generally avoided by pedestrians that just avoid narrow spaces by principle (or perhaps self preservation). They found a quiet old little pub as well. He chuckled to himself, "Of course they did." Oddly enough, the human didn't seem to want to stay. They left right as the bartender mentioned something about a broken pianola finally getting fixed. He'd have to go back and see it another time. Hours went as they meandered the streets. No wonder they'd leave for hours at a time. The 2 wound up eating outside as well, in a very small restaurant. Daniel claimed everytime they walked by, the smell would draw them towards it. Always small places. He's used to shopping large quantities from well established vendors. Reputable ones. He did not expect to visit the town for more than supplies, being already familiar with most stores. But it was a welcome adition to his memories.

What he would spare his Young Master from, were the details of his ...attempts? Pursuit? Failure? Thinking a word for it stung slightly, and he was still uncertain either way. Daniel hadn't exactly rejected his advances. Just either didn't acknowledge them, or took them with the casual attitude that made even him doubt he had done it with intent, sometimes even making a joke out of it. They clearly had no animosity. And they are quick to voice their discomfort. They hadn't. He sunk in the tub further and let the hot water warm up his shoulders.

_________

Daniel had already lost count of how many days had passed. As they folded the laundry, they left the specifics up to their host, and went over the day's plans in their head. A walk and trip to the market for the remaining ingredients for their last meal there. A roast. Barbatos got them to make a real request. It was the first thing that popped into their head. Luckily, it was easy enough.

Now they just had to keep their cool until they were out, and let the Devildom life take over their attention again. Did they think the demon was beautiful? Yeah. Intriguing? Absolutely. Did this venture exacerbate those feelings? Definitely. Would anything come from that? Not if they had a say in it. They'd done this countless times before. Easy.

There were lit candles on the dining room table upon their return from the grocers. Puzzling. A bottle of cider with a bow as well. They looked down and briefly recalled mentioning their taste for it in a conversation. "Demon things," Daniel told themself. And unceremoniously took their bags to the kitchen without touching the set up. Rolled up their sleeves, tied their hair under a bandana, put on the apron and got to readying the vegetables. They had no idea where Barbatos was, but figured he was minding his business and would show up eventually.

Barbatos could have sworn he heard the front door open from his spot in the veranda 10 minutes ago. "They couldn't have," he told himself. Could they have missed the note under the cider bottle? He went back inside, downstairs and saw movement in the kitchen. The bottle untouched at the dinner table.

"Oh here you are!" they beamed at him. "Some good finds at the market today, look." They nodded towards the bell pepper they were washing.

Barbatos smiled. "Indeed, I'll prepare the meat, Daniel" They really just missed it, huh?

Conversation flowed as usual. With occasional lighthearted cheers from the human as the demon did things with professional dexterity and flourish.

With the roast in the oven, all that was left to do was wait. It was a 2 person roast so it wouldn't take much time.

"I want to see the veranda. I haven't been to it yet" they said plainly. "Can I smoke there?"

"Of course. Mind if I join you?"

"Nah, yeah, go ahead."

The breeze was cool up there, and made long strings of the smoke. Someone decided he might as well ask directly.

"Daniel?"

They turned to him lazily from their spot gazing at the sky, and took a sip from a beer bottle "Hm?"

"Forgive my interruption, but I would like to ask you something."

"Shoot."

"Would you say I'm attractive?"

"Yes." Why not say it? They knew what would happen as soon as the caveat was mentioned.

The demon smiled at the human beside him.

"So you do find me attractive..."

"Hmm, yeah, even attempted to draw you a couple times..."

Daniel went back to looking forward to the night sky. He continued to face them.

"Wouldn't logic dictate this is your chance with me then?"

"Psssh." They scoffed, and flicked the joint remnants away, snorting bitterly. "Not really, no. First you'd have to find me attractive as well - "

"I do."

A stammer.

"I'm not done. We'll talk about our questionable tastes later - then we'd have to be compatible. Which we are not."

The bottle hung from their hand over the veranda.

"How did you reach this conclusion, Dani?"

Ignore the nickname. "I'm not compatible with most people, in an unreconcilable way."

"Why?"

They turned to him, looking annoyed that they'd have to get the words out. It never got easy. Without breaking eye contact, they lifted the bottle to their lips and took a swig. Hopefully, it'd be enough to kill this awkward conversation, or at least the subject.

"Well well, since we are dropping all modesty in this veranda tonight, I might as well give you the short of it, huh?" They paused and sighed. "I don't have a libido. Or did ever."

They turned back to the view of the hills bathed in moonligt, taking another swig of the bottle and frowning.

"Pardon me but, is that something you are unhappy with, Daniel?"

"Not really, I wouldn't change that about myself."

"Well, then neither would I. And I still find you very desirable."

The bottle almost slips through their hands. But they caught it and placed it over the railing.

"I see. Well, I did say we'd talk about your questionable taste..."

Now he sighed. "Daniel, if it makes you stop avoiding the subject, I will tell you directly. I do feel attraction to you that you can't reciprocate. But it's nothing compared to everything else I feel for you. I don't care if we aren't intimate that way. Just name your boundaries and I will be happy to live by them. Any, just say the word."

"Can I do that later?"

He stopped, and examined the question. "Yes. But I will not forget. I can assure you that."

"Then let me ask you something right now."

He took a step towards them. "Go ahead."

"Do you think the roast is ready?"

"The roast!!"

Barbatos took off to the kitchen without another word. The human stayed, rolled their eyes and sighed in relief. "Of all things to make him forget he's cooking something." They contemplated climbing down the wall briefly. To their dismay, staying there forever was not an option, they'd have to go back inside at some point.

[rogue-durin-16]

STRANDED

Request: Congratulations on your 1k followers babyyy! Glad to know you're getting the recognition you deserve 🤍 may I request a stuck together overnight fic with either Liebgott or Luz??

Pairing: George Luz x Reader

Genre: angst fluff

Tags:

Requested by: @lordndsaviorwinters

Band Of Brothers: @sparkyluz @chubbypotatoepie

Permanent taglist: @elia-the-bibliophile @randomparanoid @karlthecat15722 @thebutchersdaughtersblog @amourtentiaa @just-here-to-escape-from-reality @comfort-reads

Warnings: warfare, shooting, language

A/N: I got a bit carried away with this one but it's fineeee. Feel free to situate it in any moment between Market Garden and January of the '45, and enjoy <3

Rogue-durin-16 masterlist

"This is the stupidest thing." I snarled, my gun firmly gripped in my hands even though I had eased instead of staying put. "You're stupid." I added, checking we were safe.

"Go back, then." Luz, who stood ahead of me, rotated, shrugging with an entertained silly smile plastered on his face. "Didn't ask you to come, did I?" He turned back and resumed his unconcerned waltzing. "You volunteered."

"Yeah, 'cause you need someone with common sense near you at all times." I scolded him. It was mostly an excuse —he was very much allowed to go for a walk alone, but I feared his happygolucky attitude would get him killed. "It's not like I enjoy babysitting you, but you can't be wandering around on your own."

"You secretly do enjoy babysitting me."

"I secretly wanna drag you back to CP by your hair," I retorted, throwing daggers at him. "but Winters bought your 'reconnaissance party' excuse to take a walk 'cause you were bored, so I'm stuck with..." I came to a halt, examining our surroundings. It felt as if we were being watched.

"This lovely gentleman—"

"Shut. Up." I urged through gritted teeth.

"Y/n/n, it's the third time you said that, you're parano—" The technician was cut off mid sentence by a bullet cutting through the air. "FUCK!"

What followed was utter chaos on our part.

Luz struggled to grab his M1, I struggled to find the shooter, the Germans struggled to aim right; the latter was good for us.

"SHIT! WATCH OUT!" I pulled George out of the open, rushing him into the nearest building with me practically on his back. "DUCK! DUCK!" I shouted, shutting the door behind us and crouching at the rapid fire coming from the outside.

Luz had crouched too at my warning; he had also, unbeknownst to me, stopped in his tracks. I also hadn't acknowledged that right at the entrance of the dilapidated house, there were a set of stairs. This factors, mashed together, earned me a bad trip, which sent us both rolling downstairs.

The radio he had carried for the show took its own path, and so did his helmet, rolling away from where we landed.

"You're crushing my spleen!" He cried out, pushing me off him while I myself attempted to raise.

"You don't even know where your spleen is!" I argued, yelping when I heard either a hand grenade or a potato masher going off right at the door. Luz tugged me further from the entrance, but when we looked at it, we realized it had had the opposite effect the Germans had probably wished for. The door hadn't bursted open; instead, it was now blocked by part of the ruins belonging to the same room we were in.

We were either trapped or safe. Maybe both.

Just as that thought crossed my mind, a bullet busted the glass of the single window of the room; forget safeness, we were just trapped.

"Sonofabitch—" I kicked the radio in Luz's direction as he cussed, and I reached for my nearest weapon. "Easy CP! Easy CP!" He shouted into the device while I aimed through the shattered window to fire a couple of shots, hoping to reach the shooter. "We're being pinned down by a sniper in an empty building by the river— Frank! That you?! I'm with Y/l/n, we're— Y/N!" I fell to the ground, a bit disoriented; I hadn't seen what George had, I only had heard a piercing clink on my helmet right when I had turned to reach for more ammunition, which was instantly followed by a stinging pain on the back of my head.

George dropped the phone for an instant, leaping forward to get to me; although I wasn't able to catch a sight of the bullet hitting the back of my head, I did see the shot that went straight through the radio right after Luz had left it.

"I'm fine, I'm fine!" I yelled, giving George a push for him to get away from the window, whilst I myself recoiled to the wall behind me, my hand on my crown to check if I was, in fact, fine. It hurt, but no blood was coming out of it. Close call.

"Frank? You hear me?" George was back on his previous spot. "Shit! He fucking got the radio!"

"Jesus Christ—" I peeped through the window, aiming my rifle to the place where the shots seemed to be coming from and began to blindly fire the weapon, hoping to offer the radioman some covering. "Fuck the radio, Luz! Take cover!"

The Portuguese man backed away from the window and I retreated myself, just in time to avoid the two bullets which plunged into the room and ricochetted on the concrete of the abandoned building.

We both sat against opposite walls, staring wide-eyed at each other, radio forgotten in the middle, the only thing heard being our pants.

No more bullets would be shot, unless the sniper got a glimpse of us, and that wouldn't happen anytime soon if we could avoid it.

I took a moment to stare at my helmet, now discarded on the floor, a few feet away from us. From my angle, I could perfectly see the two holes the bullet had left, shining under the moonlight.

"You sure you're alright?" George questioned in a whisper, fearing we would be heard by the enemy. It was an unlikely scenario, but scary nonetheless.

"Yeah, I'm good. Are you?"

"Uh-huh." He huffed. "Thank God for helmets, huh?" Luz let out an amused chuckle at his own comment, pointing at my helmet.

Now that the adrenaline-fueled fear was dying down, I had a moment for the situation to dawn on me. Not only had I been dragged out with George fucking Luz; I was now trapped in a half ruined building, pinned down by probably one single German who we would most likely be able to take down, had we not been stranded.

Luz's characteristic smile started to fade away the more I glared at him, until all was left was an uncomfortable frown.

"Are you pissed at me?" There was some kind of smugness in his tone, some kind of challenge, as if he could not believe I was actually mad.

"What'd ya think?"

To be completely honest, I didn't know if I was angrier at him or at me. He had resolved to go on his own, yes, but I had been the one to accompany him, and I had been the one shoving him into a building where we had a high chance of being caged in.

"Perco got the message," Luz tried to appease me; he knew animosity was not a good ally in our situation. "we'll be outta here in no time."

"he got half the message." He sighed, pinching his nose. "If it were me in charge, I wouldn't bother sending a squad of what- Ten men? to get two?" I puffed, bracing my legs to rest my chin on my knees. "Without knowing the goddamn position."

"That's why you're not in charge." He fairly pointed out in a soft, slow voice, half teasing, half serious. "Plus, you're full of shit." I stared puzzled at him. "You would risk it." He confidently stated, a smirk twitching up the corner of his lips, "In fact, if you were in charge, you'd come yourself to get the stray motherfuckers."

"What makes you think so?" I was no longer that mad; curiosity had taken a hold of my mind.

"You came with me so I wouldn't be alone." He quirked a brown at me with a wide smile. "And you don't even like me."

"That's not true." I confessed, finding myself slightly offended by the statement. I did like Luz, he could be infuriating sometimes, specially towards me, but he wasn't all that bad. He was good for the company's morale.

"It is!" He insisted with a diverted laugh that held a tinge of indignation behind the lightheartedness. "You find me annoying as hell. I'm not deaf, Y/l/n, I hear your comments, y'know?"

I knitted my eyebrows at the way the spark in his eyes seemed to be dimmed by something darker, something bluish.

"Dunno what you're talkin' 'bout." I muttered.

"Sure you don't." He scoffed, looking me up and down before averting his eyes. After a split second, that emotion that had darkened his gaze was gone, and his laid-back demeanor was back. "Point is, we'll be outta here soon. I have full trust on the fellas and you should too." I only gave him a nod which gave rise to a tense silence.

After a few minutes had passed, I came to the realization that I had never seen Luz quiet. But then again, we had never been left alone, so I hadn't really gotten the chance to know how he acted when he wasn't surrounded by his friends.

I doubted he was that quiet, though.

"Luz?" He hummed, prompting me to speak, but his gaze didn't meet mine. "I don't... dislike you."

He denied, letting his head rest on the cracked wall. "Drop it, Y/l/n, not everyone's got good taste." His attempted cockiness was just that; an attempt. I couldn't tell if he was mad at me— I had never seen George Luz mad.

Neither had I seen him upset.

He had heard my comments, he said; I wondered what comments of mine had reached his ears. Judging by his tone, surely not the good ones.

In a twisted, selfish way, I was glad those words of admiration for Luz's character I had more than once spoken to Alley and Shifty hadn't come to the jokester's knowledge. I guess protecting my ego seemed more important than protecting his feelings.

But then again, who would have thought George Luz would give a damn if I found him annoying?

Due to the distance between us and the lack of light in the corner he sat nearby, I couldn't really discern much of his expression, so I did a very, very stupid thing; I propped myself up, and sprinted through the small room.

Luz's horrified eyes glued to my form as I somehow dodged the brief firing, his arms reaching out in the air to successfully find mines and pull me to him. He caged me in his embrace, retreating even further into the room's corner. The shots' angle had gotten wider, closer to our position, meaning the shooter had moved and our safe ground had limited to said corner by the window frame.

I found myself regretting pushing George into that building, whilst simultaneously enjoying the comfort of his arms.

"Are you outta your goddamn mind?!" He scolded me in a stage whisper, only freeing me from his grasp once the last bullet had been shot. Even then, he didn't allow me to move too far away, leaving us in a very uncomfortable position. "Tryna get yourself killed or what?"

"What's bothering you?" I inquired, shifting my position in search for a less inconvenient way to stay still, since being half thrown over George didn't seem that appealing on the long run.

"Your dumb ass doin' stupid things, that's bothering m- For FUCK'S—" he held back a painful grunt, giving the air a kick before grasping my knee to move it away. "that's my crotch!"

"Shit! Sorry." I did my best to relieve him, ending up straddling his lap. It wasn't ideal, but it would have to do for now. "Listen, whatever comments you heard—"

"Jesus Christ... You crossed the room for that?" He propped himself from the wall to lightly smack the back of my head. "Dummy."

"Ouch!" I rubbed the spot, frowny.

"Quit whining." He retorted, the ghost of a cheeky grin dancing on his lips while he leaned back, head slightly tilted up.

"I don't really find you annoying." I tilted my head to the side, lips pursed. "Well— not always."

"Y/n, c'mon."

"I'm just on the pessimistic side," I kept on going, ignoring his dismissal. "and you're so loud and... Dunno..." I waved my hands between us, looking for the right word. "Cheery, it sometimes gets me on my nerves."

"I am not cheery." He limited himself to respond, squinting his eyes at me briefly before casting his head down. "I cope through humor. Otherwise I'd have put a bullet through my skull long ago." 'Speechless' was an understatement of the state his words had left me in; he noticed, even without sparing me a single look, and so he tried to lighten up the mood. "What? We all have our particular ways to get by, don't we?" He shrugged. "Mine's making people laugh. Yours's turnin' into a grumpy grandma." He giggled again at his own joke.

This sort of tauntings were the usual, and normally, my standard response would go between 'get lost' and 'I'll show you what grumpy is'. However, I decided to let it slide for once.

"I do like you, Luz." I stated, staring at his covered face, hoping for him to look up so I could meet his eyes; I didn't know if I would be able to look into them after his dark statement, though. "You're a great person, and every Company should have a George Luz."

"Thanks, Y/n." I peeked at me, gifting me his precious simper, dimmed by his own downcasting words. "I'm sorry I dragged you into this."

"I chose to come, George. It's okay." I tried to reciprocate the smile with one of my own, well aware that it wouldn't do him justice.

"Woah, look at that!" I furrowed in confusion at his exclamation. "You actually can smile. Unbelievable." He cackled when I nudged his shoulder in annoyance. "It only took you two years, Y/n/n." The cheekiness in his voice made my blood boil.

"Luz, I swear to God," I hissed leaning on unconsciously. "I'll break your arm."

"Mhmm." His warm eyes dug into mine, seemingly in search of something. What? I wouldn't know. In all honesty, I didn't care; I was enjoying a bit too much the way he stared at me. "Pretty smile, by the way." I thanked the darkness of the night for the coverage offered to my sheepishness, since I could feel my cheeks reddening— not at the words, but at the tone. "Do I have to turn all gloomy for you to keep it on?"

As his hands moved to be laid on top of my thighs, it dawned on me how much I actually liked George Luz.

I cleared my throat, attempting to raise from his lap and move to the side, only to have George's hold secure me back down.

"Where you goin'?" He quirked an eyebrow at me. "I understand this is a compromising position for such a modest dame." He refrained a laugh at my warning glare. "But if you move to the side I'll have you dyin' in my arms."

"I'm sure that's the sole reason why you don't want me to move." I affirmed sarcastically. "You're definitely not enjoyin' this." A shamelessly guilty smirk lit both his face and eyes. "Quit tryna get into my pants."

"I gave up back at Toccoa, sweetheart." His thumbs drew patterns over my clothes so lovingly that it burned through them, imprinting in my skin. "I'm tryna get into your heart." He breathed, making me forget about the dangers that prowled on the other side of the damned window.

Heaven knows from where came the impulse to do what I did next— I leaned on, supporting myself by placing my hands on his chest, and whispered in his ear, "why? Did I get into yours?"

If the sight of him swallowing with widened eyes when I pulled back didn't bring me enough satisfaction, the hitched breath and his trembling hand raising to find my cheek did.

"D'ya want a verbal answer or can I just kiss you?"

Choosing actions over words, one of my hands found his dog tags under his gear and gave them a tug. Luz wasted no time to meet my lips with his in a fervent kiss I didn't know I craved so bad.

Sadly, we were interrupted by a new wave of sporadic fire. We pulled away only enough for George to throw me between him and the wall at his left, clutching my form for dear life. It took us a hot second to realize it wasn't the sniper bullets plummeting through the aperture in the wall, it was something else.

As soon as the shooting seemed to come to an end, I pulled away from Luz, making sure my rifle had enough ammo to defend ourselves. George did the same thing, and we stayed put for an instant, until we heard a familiar voice calling our names.

"Perco?! Here" Luz was the first one to rise, putting his gun in the air so our friends would locate us.

I lowered the weapon when Hoobler's face peeked through the window. "Found 'em!" I sighed in relief and went to reach both my helmet and George's while Luz helped Hoobler remove the shattered glass from the windowsill so we could get out.

I walked back to them once Luz was out and, after throwing the useless radio at Perconte, I took Shifty's hand to get out myself.

"Close call, huh?" Perconte questioned, throwing the device to his shoulder. "Luz, this is why you listen when Y/n tells ya you're doin' somethin' stupid."

"Yeah well, I'll never learn, will I?" George spoke staring at me, cheeks still moderately flushed from our little moment.

"You're a lost cause, boy." Randleman spoke, joining us with Hashey by his side. "All clear, let's head back."

As we began our way back to CP, I briefly made eye contact with Luz, who purposefully stayed behind, motioning me to do the same. I subtly complied, brushing his fingers with mine once we walked by each other.

A small smile escaped my lips when George's pinky laced with mine. When I looked up, I noticed he was feigning absentmindedness whilst sporting a proud silly grin of his own.

A snort was heard ahead of us, coming most likely from Perconte, given that he was the one elbowing Shifty and motioning him to look at us.

"Don't even think about it." I warned the sniper, whose eyes danced between Luz's hold of my finger, his idiotic smile and my pink face. "I'll kill you."

"Had a good time waitin' for us, George?" Perconte teased.

"The best time." Luz responded, abandoning my pinky to sneak his hand in mine, interlacing it properly. "Dontcha think, Y/l/n."

"I still think that was the stupidest idea." I replied instead, the corners of my lips inevitably twisting upwards at the way George looked at me.

Yeah, I liked George Luz.

[naughty-noodles]

Backrooms log #1

I don't know if anyone will see this but i have to try. Please understand if this log is very disoriented as thats the best way to describe my mental state.

Im taking this log to gather my bearings. Im worried if i dont then I'll forget my own name.

What I know:

My name is Ashton Coolridge. I am 22 years old. My parents are Howard and Grace Coolridge. I was born and currently live in Boston. I work part time at a motel to help pay my tuition.

I was riding my bike around the college campus as my next class was all the way on the other side. I remember looking down at my phone for just a split second. When I looked up, a dog had ran out in front of me. (Not sure if this is important but for clarification I usually took a shortcut next to a local dog park).

I swerved my bike to avoid running over the dog and ended up hitting a small rock in the path, causing me to fall off my bike. After that, everything got....confusing.

I'm unsure of how to describe it but I'll try my best.

My whole body suddenly felt like static. Like when your foot falls asleep and its slightly painful to walk on for a bit. The pressure in my ears was similar to swimming at the bottom of a pool.

I can't tell you what it looked like, as the feeling of falling had kept my eyes tightly closed to brace for impact.

When the impact came, all the air was knocked out of my body. I had fallen face down but somehow landed on my back. It took a few moments of my body processing the fall for my ability to think began working again.

As I blinked my eyes open, I felt I was in a state of delirium. How else could the bright blue sky in the middle of spring be replaced with panels of yellow florescent lights? My back began to feel damp so natually I sat up. The grass was no longer there. Instead, damp carpet smelling slightly of mildew took its place.

I was and currently am, scared shitless.

There isnt much to say about this place other than it seems endless. Everytime I turn a corner, its the same room. They only differ in size and length. Sometimes i see an electrical outlet or an out of place fire extinguisher. Sometimes I wonder if I'm going in circles.

Ive tried to navigate this place. Really I have, but... something weird is going on with this place. I tried going back to the start, where I landed, to see if I could take a different route. Like a cornmaze, i guess.

However...and don't brush me off as crazy, The last room I was in vanished. Replaced by another hallway with the same damp carpet and the same... annoying fucking lights.

I feel as if I woke up in the Labyrinth. Hell at this point I might just be wondering if Im taking this place for granted, if you get the reference.

My legs are feeling less sore now so I'm going to keep walking.

I'll try to update.

I just... hope somebody gets this. If you do, please send help. I dont mean to sound like an utter pussy but... I'm so scared.

Here's a picture. In case anyone can identify this place:

...Wish me luck.

[raelikestoramble]

yesssss, I'm still trying to recover from the finale... Can you do an story w Eddie pining for Buck after his break up w Ana? Like he releaized his feelings for Buck after getting shot and almost dying but Buck is together w Tyler? Please and thank youuuu

AN: Sorry, this got away from me and I wrote more than I thought I would! Thanks for the great prompt, I really loved it but wasn’t sure where to take it, so a lot of this is Eddie’s internal thoughts. Hope you still like it!

Eddie hadn’t meant for it to go on for as long as it did. Truly, he hadn’t – time had a funny habit of slipping away from him as of late; in his recovery, what mattered most to him was getting himself back to normal – or as close as he could ever return to, given what he had been through – and keeping life as stable as possible… for Christopher. No big changes, no upsetting surprises.

That thought did little to ease the lingering sense of guilt, though.

It had been only a few days since Eddie finally sat Ana down to, as delicately as he could, say that their time together was coming to a close.

She had been so lovely about it, too, because that was her nature and it had made having to break it off worse, almost. Ana was kind, sweet, understanding – perfectly nice – and, for all those reasons, she deserved better, a lot more; someone who was completely in it for her, as invested in her as she was in them. He didn’t always realise it, but he knew for a while before he broke it off that he couldn’t be that person for Ana. In time, another would be. He was sure of it.

He had felt, much to his embarrassment, tears burning his eyes as he explained to her that he entered a relationship with her for the wrong reasons… and that he had so much to figure out about himself. She had clasped his hand in hers, gave a watery smile, and told him that she understood; she had even reassured him that it was all okay and he didn’t need to be too hard on himself over it. It was the most amicable split he could’ve imagined happening. With guilt, came the sweetness of relief, an acute light feeling that he didn’t notice was missing for the longest time.

And then, once that was over and the dust had settled… he was free. Free to… wallow, he supposed, in what he had realised weeks ago, because there was nothing that Eddie could do about it.

He remembered how it felt, being disoriented, in pain, slipping from consciousness, with those blue eyes boring into his, wide and frantic, as Buck fought hard for him, for his very life. How it felt afterwards seeing his face come into view from around the corner, smiling at him with such a genuine and unfiltered joy. Warmth, safety, and happiness – because Buck was family, that much he had decided to make official in a legal tie a year ago.

It was the overwhelming feeling of love, and relief in seeing him safe, unharmed and by his side the first chance he got, that sent Eddie’s mind reeling and down a path he couldn’t back out from. Buck was all of that to him, and more, and the feeling of longing had burrowed into Eddie’s mind, becoming a nagging and persistent sensation that made him feel… sick, flustered, and even morose.

Love – romantic and sexual love - for Eddie had always been a struggle, had wound up feeling oddly… unnatural, as though he was following the expectations of others, or his own idea of familial obligation, rather than his own heart. He was chasing something that, by all accounts, should have felt right, but with Ana… and even with Shannon, it was wrong; it all fell flat in some way. Finally becoming aware of the different light in which he saw Buck in was like a piece of himself just clicking into place; he felt whole, finally.

It was more than a little inconvenient, though, realising that he was in love with his best friend… someone that he happened to see pretty much every day, either at work or off shift. His very straight, very happily coupled up best friend. It was a lot to wrap his head around.

Of course, Eddie was being very mature about it, something he could find a small bit of pride in – because he knew he needed to get over this, to respect Buck’s happiness, his relationship with Taylor, and not ruin their friendship by foolishly expressing what he really wanted. That was the respectable, adult thing to do. So, he kept his desire quiet, and he tried his best to be the good, supportive friend Buck knew him to be, but… in a small way, he had pulled back; he knew he had. Sometimes, Eddie was allowed to act to protect himself; allowed to be a touch selfish. To get over it, he needed a bit more space than usual. It was only fair.

“Eddie,” came Hen’s voice unexpectedly; he picked up instantly on the concerned undertone.

From the corner of his eye, he could see her furrowed brows and the frown lines on her face. He wished people would stop looking at him like that – like he was to be pitied, like he was still injured and helpless. The whole team all went through their fair share of ordeals… it seemed part of the job description, but there was something about the sniper targeting them that unnerved everybody more than anything else that they had faced before. It had struck Eddie’s core, too, and brought up a lot of ugly, old wounds - he was giving therapy another try because of it… and it was going better than it had before, to his surprise.

It had been months since he was shot, significant progress had been made, but there was still an unspoken tension in the firehouse at times. It was especially bad with Buck – he had pulled closer than ever, always happy, eager even, to offer his support and help in… everything, which made Eddie’s need for maintaining some space between them all the more difficult. It also gave him a sliver of hope, and that was a dangerous thing. He had grown too dependent on Buck; he had someone else to share him with now, he thought with a pang to his chest.

“Yeah?” he returned tiredly after a delay, still staring ahead.

His gaze was fixed on where Buck was sat a small distance away with Chimney by his side, his head thrown back laughing in a moment that ought to be captured in a photograph – oh, and how that beautiful, jubilant sound leaving his mouth twisted mercilessly at Eddie’s insides.

“You’ve been moving that piece of pasta around your bowl for the last ten minutes.”

“… So I have,” he sighed, letting his fork clatter against the plate in defeat.

He’d barely touched his lunch, but his appetite had been culled. Buck’s voice was loud – it carried effortlessly across the room. So, he easily overheard Buck responding to Chimney bringing up the topic of Taylor, and it was… embarrassing, the impact it had, how easily it soured his mood.

“Is that all I get? It’s ‘going well’?” Chimney exclaimed, nudging Buck’s side, a teasing grin on his face. “C’mon, Buckley. We usually can’t get you to shut up.”

Buck laughed bashfully and lifted his head up, almost catching his eye, but Eddie averted his gaze just in time to miss it. He could’ve sworn that he caught the sight of Buck’s smile faltering. He shook his head, working to tune out that conversation as best he could.

“You know… it’s okay to need more time. If you’re not ready to be back yet, no one will think less of you,” Hen suggested hesitantly, voice soft.

“No, it’s-- not that. I’m glad to be back. This is where I need to be,” he said simply.

Eddie didn’t like where this conversation was headed – but none of it broke through to his expression, and so Hen pushed on, sympathy etched into her features.

“Then… tell me what’s bothering you? You seem down, Eddie – a lot, lately – and I can’t sit here and act like I’m not worried.”

Had it really been that obvious? It was like he, a man in his thirties, had been rendered a hapless, lovestruck teenager – with how he let his feelings for Buck affect him so obviously that Hen had not only noticed but grown worried for him. It was so tragic he could almost laugh.

“Mm, I have a therapist for that,” he said with a wry smile, but instantly regretted it as he saw how Hen leant back in her seat, lips twisting into a frown.

She was trying to help, to be a good friend, and he was dismissive of her attempt right away. His tendency to try to avoid more heavy, emotional talks was one of the issues brought up in therapy and he really was working on it, but it felt impossible, in that moment, to tell the truth, to speak the words aloud to somebody else. Even though he knew Hen would, without a doubt, understand and keep his secret for him – that it might even help for her to know, as awkward and humiliating as it might be at first.

“Sorry. I just…”

“Don’t worry about it.”

He dared to look back over to the corner where Buck was – now, he was showing Chimney pictures on his phone, which were undoubtedly of him and Taylor. Jealousy welled up inside of Eddie, burning hot, and another sigh fell from his lips as he lifted a hand to run down the side of his face. It wasn’t getting easier, only more frustrating.

When he glanced back at Hen, she was already watching him, an odd look on her face, eyes slowly widening. Realisation had already dawned before he could interject and divert the conversation.

“Wait. You-- Buck--?” she started.

Panic enveloped Eddie and, before she could go any further, he abruptly sprang to his feet, hands clasped together.

“Coffee?” he asked loudly.

Without waiting for her to give an answer, he made his escape, darting over to the countertop where the coffee pot was located. After a short pause, he noticed that Hen had made no effort to follow him, because – of course she hadn’t. What was he expecting? Her to run after him, get him into a headlock until he confessed to the revelation that he had that he was head over heels for Evan Buckley? No, this wasn’t a playground. He needed to get a grip.

His shoulders slumped as he expelled a heavy breath out into the air. He gave himself another moment, to allow his heart to stop pounding wildly in his chest, before leaning up to grab a clean mug from the cabinet.

“That was awful,” he muttered to himself, swiping his favourite from the shelf.

“What was awful?” asked Buck, suddenly, appearing at his side.

“Oh, God,” Eddie jumped, and the mug almost slipped from his fingers and fell to the floor.

Catching it and clutching at it, Eddie gave a breathless laugh.

“Nope, just me,” Buck countered, popping the ‘p’, with a toothy grin on display that caused Eddie’s stomach to start doing flips. “Sorry, didn’t mean to scare you.”

Eddie’s expression softened, the hints of anxiety vanishing from his face as he lowered the mug to the surface. He reached for another, automatically, eyes still on Buck. He really was beautiful to look at, all bright, excited eyes, soft dark blonde curls, and crooked smiles – and what was most unfair about it all was that his good looks weren’t the most beautiful thing about him by a long shot.

“I’ll let you off the hook,” he grinned.

Buck leaned forward and his shoulder brushed against Eddie’s, sending a jolt through him that made him step back, the contact quickly lost. Fortunately for him, Buck didn’t seem to have noticed anything.

“So, anyway, I was wondering – you got any plans tonight?” Buck asked cheerily.

Eddie was slow to smile again, but he did, because he knew what he was about to do – give in, so easily. Space was important, but… so was spending quality time with loved ones. He could practically hear his therapist’s voice offering him encouragement.

“I think I have a spot open in my schedule,” he said slowly, giving the impression of nonchalance.

“Great! What do you say to joining me and Taylor out for drinks tonight? You could bring Ana. I think it’d be good for them to start to get to know each other better, don’t you?”

Eddie’s heart sank in his chest, eyes closing for a few seconds before he plastered a placid smile to his face. Disappointment was such a bitter taste, and… he really needed to get around to telling him about Ana. Even if he and Ana were still together and he could agree to this double date, the thought of watching Buck and Taylor together for a whole night… well, he could think of a long list of things he’d rather do instead.

“Actually, I don’t think I can – I don’t know how it slipped my mind but, after my appointment, I promised Christopher that I’d spend the night with him…”

He felt bad using his own son, someone Buck loved dearly, as a shield, but it had to be done – Buck wouldn’t question anything if it was done for Chris’ benefit.

Buck’s smile strained, and there was a look in his eyes that Eddie couldn’t quite place. He dropped his gaze to the floor, and Eddie caught his lower lip between his teeth.

“Well, what about next Friday?”

“I can’t—”

“Man, I… Eddie, have I done something?” Buck interrupted; brows knit together in worry.

“Sorry?”

He looked vaguely embarrassed – and was that a pink tinge to his face? Surely not. No, Eddie was seeing things he wanted to see. He didn’t want to play that guessing game anymore, reading into every little interaction they shared, for some kind of sign. It was exhausting.

“It’s just… I don’t know, you’re a lot busier than before, maybe, but things are definitely… different. I—miss you,” he admitted sheepishly.

Clearly, this had been bothering him for a while now, and Eddie felt stupid and cruel for ever thinking that Buck wouldn’t notice that he was limiting their time together, even if only by a relatively small amount.

“Things are different,” Eddie explained carefully, trying to figure out his wording. “It makes sense that we, er, aren’t spending as much time together, because…”

Buck waved a hand.

“I know I’ve got Taylor now and you’ve got Ana, but that doesn’t mean that—”

“Buck, I ended things with Ana,” Eddie cut across impulsively.

There was an incredibly still moment that followed, and a tense quiet descended upon them, the only sounds the muffled comings and goings and odd background chatter from their other teammates. Buck’s lips parted and he appeared to be frozen as he slowly computed this information, and Eddie was almost scared to move – to break the spell.

It was getting alarming, and Eddie was about to wave a hand in front of his face, until finally he returned to reality, snapping back with a quiet and bemused, “Wait, you did what? … Why? You two seemed so happy. I thought you… that’s why…”

Eddie shifted uncomfortably, taking in a breath as he turned to properly face Buck again, making direct eye contact. Buck wet his lip, a crease forming in his brow. Eddie wanted nothing more than to know what was going through his mind, but he was at a loss this time. Usually, he could read him so well.

Eddie shrugged – an attempt in vain to still appear casual. He knew he was way beyond that point now.

“I realised she wasn’t the one for me. And… I know everyone says it, and us first responders more than anyone, and we still sometimes forget to actually live by it… but life really is too short to spend with the wrong person. I owed it to her, and to myself, to end it.”

Buck blinked rapidly, and, really, Eddie couldn’t understand why this was all coming as such a shock to him. Had he really expected he and Ana to go the distance? For him to settle down with her?

“Eddie…”

“Yeah?”

Then, the wailing of the siren pierced through the air; whatever question had formed in Buck’s mind would have to remain there, until another time.

[harlivies]

Awww i give you my consent to kiss me lol Thank you, i'm glad you liked my observation and i think i have another one to make. Well, actually i think it offers more onscreen evidence about what you said that Hope is Josie's anchor and it explains a comment from J that i always found odd. So in 4x02 J is like "almost as hard as losing HER forever" . When i heard that line, i found it weird, because taking it out of context it doens't make sense. pt1

Hope becoming the tribrid meant that she'll be immortal and more powerful than ever. So why is J saying that "losing her forever" comment? (again, notice how she doesn't say "I", she speaks in 3rd person). Because no matter how supportive J was about H's decision to become the tribrid, it's not sth that J wants. She doesn't want it because of H's feelings ofc and she doesn't want her to die, BUT the losing her forever comment hides a deep fear, that her dynamic with H is gonna change. That H as a tribrid is gonna leave her, that she's not gonna have the same feelings for her. In all of S3 there are comments about J's abandonment issues and in her moment with F where she was like "i want someone to stay for me and fight by my side, because i deserve that", it was words that Hope had done for her. Whether she realizes it or not, she was talking about H. So now, her fear seems to come true. H has left her. The person who became a constant in her life is not there anymore so in all of 4x06 we see her feel alone, disoriented, almost having an anxiety attack and desperately saying to Cleo that there's has to be a way to bring H back. God, i feel like i'm being so incoherent rn, so sorry for this mess, but my conclusion is that somewhere along the line Hope became J's blindspot and since 3x08 slowly and steadily they're building up J's feelings and moment of realization. So now we're witnessing J's fear that she expressed in the "losing her forever" comment becoming a reality, J losing her anchor. But because H is her blindspot and because her arc is about learning to stand up for herself and going after what she really wants, we're gonna see her do just that, meaning that she's gonna fight tooth and nail for her anchor, standing against even her own sister if she has to. That's the end i think. God, this is a mess. I hope i made sense to you lol

Even though that line did hit me at the time I watched the episode, I hadn't considered it in a way of Josie fearing losing Hope due to her becoming the Tribrid, but rather losing Hope because she might kill Landon in the process of trying to save him. With that being said though, I agree that Hope becoming a fully activated Tribrid might've been something Josie didn't want for Hope, mostly because Hope, herself, didn't want it and only did it as a last resource to save the people she loves; I'm just not sure if it connects to this instance, in particular. However, I still agree that Josie fears a dynamic shift between her and Hope, whether that's for better or for worse. I am of the opinion that Josie might feel she attained this very delicate balance in her relationship with Hope and doesn't want to fuck it up either way, so we see her work towards maintaining (while it fucks up her other relationships, but I digress). Like, it's become clear to me that Josie thinks they're in a good place and that's enough for her, and I think that does play into the abandonment issues you're talking about. So really, at the end of the day, regardless of the paths we take to it, we're all reaching the same conclusions lmfao Josie doesn't want to let go of Hope. She doesn't want to lose her, one way or the next, and with Hope becoming a Tribrid and leaving, she kind of did, so she feels abandoned and alone. Also, don't worry about sounding incoherent because I feel like this episode got all our brains going a thousand miles a minute 😂 I'm picking up what you're putting down just fine! I do agree that the show seems to be building up to something and I will personally be giving the writers an earful if we don't eventually get to it, because I think it's become so unavoidable by now. Liliana and I are currently chatting about whether or not we think Josie will, on her own volition, become Dark Josie in order to try and get Hope back or if Hope is returning to the Salvatore School in search of a sidekick and recruits Josie, so I guess we'll soon see how, exactly, Josie plans on getting her anchor back.