#i evaded spoilers like Dom in a NOS fueled Charger - we don't know how i did it but i did it

[jazzforthecaptain]

Guess who's back on her Fast & Furious bullshit.

Is the new movie good?

I mean, how do you define good? Did I have to suspend disbelief about a lot of things (gravity, friction, inertia, technology, projectiles, the towing capacity of a Dodge Charger, etc.)? Yes. Absolutely. 100% from about 20 minutes into the film.

Was it fun? Fuuuuuck yes.

Did it pass the found family vibe check? For sure. It referenced people I'd almost forgotten about. They pulled the original actors to play all of them. The movie even has a discussion with itself about how quickly and completely people still get pulled into Dom's orbit, which is a great bit.

There's some eyeroll inducing lines - there always are - but this iteration seems more aware of itself than past films, and the writing is better than 8 and 9. Even when someone says something worthy of a comic book font, it matches the tone of the scene. The action sequences are outrageous and the movie knows it. It's fine with it. We live in a world where the heroes discover a massive explosive in the back of their vehicle and nobody even says "WHAT?" This are roads we know.

It's fun. It's a greatest hits review of the good stuff from F&F. Charlize Theron is somehow better in this than she was when she first showed up in the franchise to chew the scenery. John Cena is, frankly, adorable in his role. And Jason Momoa's sheer chaos energy - this man has range. Over the years I've watched him go from Ronon Dex to Conan the Barbarian to Aquaman to Duncan Idaho, but I never expected Dante Reyes. There's so much personality in this character that it escapes into everything he's wearing and driving. Momoa's humor and comedic timing shines. Dante makes a Joker for Dom's Batman and his Justice League of associates, literally assembled out of DC and Marvel actors.

The plot is whatever. It mostly connects, even if it pushes past belief before the first half hour. Did you come here for the plot? This franchise? The one with the car chase against a submarine, against a tank, against a plane? The franchise where a shadowy agency airdrops muscle cars into a combat zone? Where our heroes drive a car out of one high rise and into an adjacent high rise? Where they launched a Fiero into space to ram a satellite and hitchhiked onto the ISS?

I stopped being here for the plot after Fast Five. Honestly I should have given up sooner but what can I say? I'm stubborn. I mean, for a movie where people chase cartoonish bombs through Roman fountains and back cars out of low-flying planes, it's ironic how ultimately safe and predictable the storyline is. But like... it's a pretty satisfying story. It's a bedtime story for a baby Toretto, where the good guys face impossible odds, get framed for something they didn't do, and have to fight their way out of corner after corner with ever-escalating stakes; but where love and community always saves the day, and nobody ever really dies.

So was it good? I feel like that's the wrong question. Was it what I wanted? Yeah. Things suck right now and this was a silly, feel-good treat for myself. It was fun to get dressed up in my Fast & Furious shirt and go to the theater. It reminded me of all the things I love about the franchise and better still, it owns the franchise from start to finish. It doesn't try to be anything else. The Fast & the Furious, Fast & Furious, and Fast Five are always going to be where my heart is. This touched on those vibes without dwelling too long on them. When it hurt, it was a good hurt, and then we got on with things.