#i dont even know how to explain it. i've been on meds helping the pain finally.

[segernatural]

hmm

[effectivelyweird]

The NHS is hell (gynaecology edition)

Six weeks ago I had a pelvic prolapse of some sort. This caused varying levels of pain and discomfort. I havent been able to walk anywhere, or stand for more than a few minutes before experiencing pain. At the end of the worst days I have to push my insides back in.

I obviously went straight to my GP who was unable to examine me because it hurt too much to even get a finger in. At that point I basically didnt have a vagina, it was collapsed and squished, of course it was going to be tough to get a feel. GP referred me to gynaecology to get an ultrasound.

SIX WEEKS LATER I finally have an appointment. I get in (partner in tow for support) and am immediately asked:

Doctor: "Why are you here?"

Like??? Didnt you read the referral? MEe: "I've had a prolapse" Doctor: "How many children?" Me: "None" Doctor: Pauses and looks confused

Now, whilst it is far more common for people who've given birth to have a prolapse, it absolutely is not the only thing to cause one. I fall into basically every other risk category, it is NOT a surprise that this has happened.

Then I was asked to give my entire medical history and all the meds Im currently taking.

Like?????? WHY dont you already have that information???? I've waited six weeks in on and off agony, unable to leave the flat, holding out for this appointment, and now I have to spend the first half of it giving you information you should already have.

We move on to a physical examination. I explain that despite taking a pill to stop my periods, surprise! Im having a period. I have brought stuff to get me sorted and cleaned up (I use a cup, cant really be examined with that in) and explain Im happy to go get sorted so we can do this.

Doctor makes a rude comment like "If you'll let us examine you" like I didnt just make it clear I was happy to be examined. So now Im wondering wtf did that referral say? My GP hadnt been able to examine me because of intense pain when she tried, not because I didnt let her.

So I get myself sorted and lying on the examination bed. Im already very uncomfortable with being poked about down there for multiple reasons but I always suck it up because they're medical professionals and are here to help. For extra context, I have a skin disorder down there which means I tear very easily, things have narrowed or disappeared entirely, basically you have to handle me with care. I havent had sex in nearly six years due to discomfort both in and out.

Doc comes over, lubes up and dives straight in. If I hadnt just pulled my cup out of me, this in itself would have caused great pain. She then moves around wildly to get a good feel, hitting a tender spot and making me yelp.

"Oh, did that hurt?" she says, clearly surprised.

"Uh, yeah??" I say incredulously. Of course it fucking hurt. I have something out of place in that area and you just tried to scramble my eggs.

Doc abandons her examination and goes back to her computer. I am not given anything to wipe myself down with so Im left with a mass of lube and fluids for my pants to just deal with I guess.

I was then told I was being passed on to the womens hospital who will "make sure youre doing your kegel exercises properly" "I havent been given any kegel exercises though?"

Doctor looks surprised and slides a hand written note over to me. It has a website name for me to look up and learn from there.

Then it was over.

Without telling me ANY information about what was happening with my body. So did I have a prolapse? Did I not? Did she feel everything was fine? Did she feel something wrong?

I DONT KNOW

Im exactly as clueless as I was before I went in there, and now a little traumatised from the experience.

I waited six weeks, unable to live my life in that time, only to spend £20 I dont have to go to an appointment I didnt need. I was referred to get an ultrasound from gynaecology and instead I got an aggressive examination and then palmed off to the next clinic without a care in the world. I clearly stated when I went in that I am autistic and have ADHD but even if I wasnt I think I would have still been shook from her (lack of) bedside manners. I still dont know whats happening to my body. I still dont know what I should be doing, or not doing, to help this issue.

All I know is that I didnt get what I was referred for and now I cant pay my bills.

And I still have to stuff my insides back in on a bad day.

[seekinginnerwisdom]

I am an older female INFP and I first took the test as a teen and have consistently gotten the same results, regardless of website or version of test. And I was always kinda secretly proud to be one because my mom was struggling with my teen sister's bipolar/hormone powered rage and my dad, I think, was one of us too. He was a reserved, weird, sweet, unfocused mess who avoided conflict unless drafted (little war humor, get it from my dad). So I became my mom's confidant which made me feel helpful and special at the time but i now know probably wasnt "healthy".

Fast forward to now and I've earned a number of invisible "survivor of *insert trauma*" medals for myself. And just recently earned myself a small one for "surviving break up with first boyfriend after divorce" Its doesnt have a catchy title and I dont know how I they fit all the words on such a small surface but I'm proud of my small accomplishment. 13 years married, 6 years single, 2.5 years with him...alone again.

Shouldn't I be devastated longer than a week? He did it really poorly, too. Asked for a break a week before which took me by surprise, then 4 days later he told me he loved me and didnt want to break up but still needed time to figure things out, a few days later and its I want to be your friend but nothing more.

It was a back and forth conversation and he's telling me he's not attracted to me anymore and quickly adds "it's not because of the weight" (to clarify I have been struggling with my stomach and have lost 40 lbs which sounds great, unless you weren't overweight before and now I look like a skeleton). When he said that I couldn't help but laugh in that hurt way, where its brevity and pain mixed with a scoff (just me?) And not expecting a reply I rolled my eyes away from him and ask "so it's just me as a person" and there wasnt much hesitation before I hear a soft but steady "yes" behind me. As you can imagine, I didnt respond well to having my entire existence be rejected so i did something he had never seen me do. I yelled at him and kicked him out of my car. Then I tried to go back to work. Yup, he broke up with me in the middle of the work day. I'm sorry this is so long and I even skipped parts.

I left early and took a pill or two more than recommended and just ran away from consciousness as fast as modern medicine could get me there. (I dont post much so I dont know if I need to worry about responses but I took low doses of anti anxiety meds that wouldnt harm me unless i consume the whole bottle. I took 1 mg more than normal. Dont attack me). I got him to be more specific in his choice of break up methods the next week after texting to let him know I wrote a 7 page goodbye letter and how he has come out of this looking like a psychopath.

Is it an INFP thing? When someone hurts me or angers me and I'm trying to speak it's a lot of ums or long pauses. But hand me a pen or a keyboard and fill me will righteous rage...you cant stop me. If I know anything at all about you then you will receive a paragraph like you are reading right now filled with oddly observational criticism, I will hit upon at least one thing your sensitive about and end it all with a guilt trip so strong only the Catholically trained can weather it well.

I think he was afraid of the letter because he had been receiving the texts but not replying. He responded pretty quickly after that. After days of contradicting actions, trains of thought that burst into flames as it derailed and red string theory memes he finally told me that his decision to take a break, reassure me and then dump me in such an abrupt manner on a workday, twice btw, was because he really hadn't thought about it...

Now this is going to sound strange but I am so glad my exhusband had been abusive because it taught me control. Otherwise I would have hit him. Who does that?! Im 99% sure he wasnt lying because he's a blunt INTJ and he explained his incomprehensible thought process earlier and I've had previous experience with his type of obliviousness. He really didnt mean to hurt me, he doesnt have any social circle to speak of so when planned this whole thing his feedback was a crowd of 1.

But I saved the best for last. He appears to genuinely like me and really doesnt want to lose me. He wants to be friends...and my dumb ass said yes. With a caveat that the second he starts dating I'm out. I dont do lover to friends. I'm possessive and wont share. So as long as he stays single I'll be his friend. I know I'm dumb. I know I'm just going to be hurt by another display of thoughtlessness from him. But except for the week of hell I've been truly happy with him until I got sick. He's a jerk. I deserve better. But did you know, that INFP can be shallow too. I didnt until i met him. He is so pretty (in my eyes, he is definitely not to everyone's taste) and 7 years younger and he picked me 2.5 years ago. I am not pretty. Hard marriage, lifetime of depression, rather read another chapter than apply a layer of makeup, etc. but he eavesdrop me talking to my work friend and liked what he heard and asked me out.

God I'm dumb. Wow. I'm so sorry. It just happened today and I needed to let it out and when it started I tried another forum to get perspective from similar wired people as my boyfriend so I could do whatever was best for him and some responses were productive and informative if a tad blunt. One or two tried with all their might to be kind and I love them for that. The rest can burn in hell. I know I'm what people consider an "unhealthy" version of my type but I've just been considering myself a survival INFP. I think we all get broken a lot thanks to our inner compass. And when we build ourselves back up again our structure gains or loses new aspects. My corners are sharper, and someone broke my glasses so things arent clear all the time and when my belief in human goodness broke off I wasnt able to find all the pieces but it's still there. I'm still here. And now I will shut up. Sorry again. Still gonna post it though! :p