#i dont care if its not made for me i looked good in it
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27 Asks! Thank you! :}} 💞
@peaspods
I might not be understanding, but I'm imagining this as people opening up commissions so people can give them money and they can turn around and donate that money to me..
I fear that this would create the opportunity to scam people.. "I'm taking commissions on behalf of Factual Fantasy! They're very sick so please commission me!" only for them to run away with the money they make..
I've been thinking a lot about setting up some kind of commission/donation thing because I'm starting to kind'a need the money.. but idk, I'm just kind'a run down and need some time to keep thinking about it. Thank you very much though <:)))
@zecromgen5
Thank you very much! :) And I've been hanging in there.. there hasn't been much improvement to my health or my mental state. The fact that in April it will officially been over a year since my health started to decline, and the fact that I'm going to spend my birthday at home collapsed on the couch has made me feel very sad <:( But I'm doing my best to work on it.. I'm hoping this new advice from my doctor helps me feel better <:)
And something good HAS happened actually, I got my tablet/FireAlpaca to work again! :))
XDD SJKFJSH AWW! THANK YOU SO MUCH!! :DDD
I've only seen a bit of it from Markiplier. So far I'm 50/50. Somethings I like and others I don't care for 😅
@neo-metalscottic
Thank you so much! :D 'm glad you've liked my recent artwork!! :}}}}
Also for Homes eyes, that was just meant to represent its oppressive presence and the fact that its watching them in that moment.. 👁️👁️
And I don't have any plans for any of the neighbors or Wally to figure out the house is alive. My AU is more like "a day in the life of" thing. Having someone discover Home is alive would move the plot forward. Which I don't feel like doing <XDD
Now communication... Home understands the concept, but he has no way of communicating other than creaking the floorboards and slamming doors..
I've heard about the well. That could work for Cliffjumper and Breakdown maybe.. and the twins perhaps.? But wouldn't they have to have Tailgates body in order to revive him? Hmmm.. idk actually,,
I've watched the bayverse movies, most of Prime and a few other things here and there. I didn't mind the bayverse movies that much, but I can see why a lot of people don't like them <XD
I just imaging trying to consume more than one Transformers media would be a lot to take on.. and I also don't like the animation styles of most other transformers shows 😅
(That's actually how I decided to watch Prime. I took a look at all the shows and went "this one looks ugly, this one looks ugly,, this one looks REALLY ugly.. Oh, this one doesn't look half bad. TFP it is then!")
@acreaturecalledkyfa
I've watched Markipliers first video on it. So far I'm not sure how I feel about those two 😅
The way I immediately opened YouTube and went looking for it XDD
@fandomcenteral (Link in ask)
Thank you so much! :DD This will come in handy!
@mason-gaylord
Aw! Thank you so much!! 🥰🥰
@im-nice-but-i-dont-like-you
Jangles would be a helicopter probably, Gerald would be a tank, Cici would be a Miata and Bibi would be a slightly raised up Miata XDD
Aw, I'm honored that you miss them <:}} Though I don't know if I'll draw them anytime soon.. I'm really not into inserted OCs anymore <:(
I'm waiting on Markiplier to release more videos on it <XD
@fadlingartisanfreakwinner
I like to imagine that Pokémon can learn dozens of moves. But 4 is the limit for official Pokémon battles. So any wild Pokémon in my comics can use/learn as many as they want :0
And yeah, they had that chat eventually. I just never got around to drawing it 😅
@wolfie-777
Nah nah its just iced tea XDDD
@whereismycupofcoffee
:DDD Thank you so much!! :}}}}
AAAA THANKYOU SO MCUHH!! :DDDD
@nuggybee
Yeahh,, Sky has its ups and downs. I'm currently in one of its downs. It seems like I'm let down by everything they're releasing 😓
@smithanonsworld
I feel like I've never seen a rabbit that color... its so cute 😭💞💞💞
@heaventhehedgi3
That sounds like me! Though I don't draw Octonauts anymore 😅
I'll keep it in mind! :0
🥹🥹🥹Aw... that's so sweet! Thank you so much!! 😭💞💞
@captain-skyler1987
You made an account just to follow me? :DD Aw that's so sweet! :) Thank you!
Also I'm sorry to hear you got the flu :(( I hope you're better by now!
I also have not played Dandy's world 😅
@stargirldrawsx3
The first thing that came to mind was very anxious all the time 😅
@network-warrior-01
Ah, that was an April fools post. <XD There is no drawing
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The Alchemy | Part 5
NFL!Bucky x Reader AU
Word Count: 5k
Warning: Angst, toxic relationship, manipulation
A/N: Im sorry in trying my best, mental health is just a bitch. Once again i dont know shit about football or the NFL LOL I'm an NHL girly but here we are so if i get terms and shit wrong its ok cuz its a fan fic 🤣🤣
Masterpost
----
The party was in full swing by the time you and Bucky arrived—packed with sweaty, overhyped teenagers celebrating the team’s win, red plastic cups littering every surface, the air thick with cheap beer and bad decisions. Someone had strung up white Christmas lights around the backyard, giving the whole place a soft glow, but it did nothing to cut through the chaos.
You weren’t even sure who actually lived here, just that it was a senior with rich parents who conveniently weren’t home, and that half the damn school had shown up to celebrate.
The music pulsed through your chest, bass-heavy and a little too loud, but it didn’t matter. Because Bucky was there, pressed close as he navigated you through the swarm of people like he always did, one hand grazing the small of your back, the other lifting in a lazy wave whenever a teammate shouted his name.
“Stay put,” he murmured near your ear once you’d finally managed to carve out a small space near the bonfire. “I’ll grab us a drink.”
You nodded, watching as he disappeared into the crowd.
The night was warm, the heat of the fire licking at your skin. You weren’t fully relaxed, there was something about nights like these, about parties, about being surrounded by people who were too drunk to notice if something went wrong, but Bucky made it better. He always did.
A few minutes later, he returned, grinning as he held out a red cup. “Here, got you something good.”
The second you caught the scent, rich, smoky, unmistakable—your stomach twisted.
Whiskey.
The smell hit you like a punch to the gut, sharp and suffocating, dragging you back to memories you wanted buried. The way the bottle slammed onto the counter. The way his words slurred together, thick with anger. The way your mother sat frozen at the table, staring at the wall, waiting for it to pass.
Your fingers curled into your palm. “I—I can’t drink that.”
Bucky frowned, holding it out a little more. “What? Since when does my girl turn down a drink?”
Your throat tightened. “Just… not whiskey.”
He opened his mouth, probably to make some joke about you being picky but then, you saw it. The exact second he realized.
His entire body stiffened, his eyes widening just slightly before flickering with something heavy. His grip on the cup faltered. “Oh, fuck.” His voice was barely above a whisper, rough with something close to regret. “Shit, I—I’m sorry.”
You shook your head quickly, forcing a small, tight smile. “Bucky, it’s not a big deal.”
“The hell it’s not,” he muttered, setting the cup down so fast it nearly toppled over. “Stay here, I’ll be right back….again.”
You watched as he vanished again, weaving back through the house, his shoulders tense.
For some reason, your chest ached.
You hadn’t expected him to care so much. It was just a drink. Just a stupid drink at a stupid party. But Bucky had looked at you like he’d failed you somehow..
When he returned, he had two cold beers in his hands. He pressed one into yours before cracking open his own, exhaling sharply like he was only just allowing himself to relax.
“I feel like an idiot,” he admitted, shaking his head. “I should’ve remembered.”
“Bucky, it’s an insignificant thing, it’s really not—”
He cut you off before you could downplay it again. “Nothing about you is insignificant, okay? Nothing.” His blue eyes burned with sincerity, sharp and unshakable. “The stuff that matters to you? It matters to me too. And I’m sorry I forgot.”
Your heart squeezed.
You weren’t used to people treating you like this—like your pain was valid, like your boundaries mattered, like your past wasn’t something to be brushed aside.
But Bucky always had.
He always would. You’re sure of it.
You swallowed hard, a small, grateful smile tugging at your lips. “Thank you,” you murmured. “For always being there for me.”
“Always” He whispered, a slight crack in his voice.
For a moment, neither of you moved. The chaos of the party faded into the background, leaving just the two of you in the flickering firelight, beer bottles hanging loosely in your hands.
He was close..so close, the space between you shrinking with every unspoken word. His gaze flickered to your lips, just for a second, before his tongue darted out to wet his own.
Your pulse hammered. Finally, you thought.
And then…
“BUCKY, MY MAN!”
The moment shattered.
A loud, drunken whoop cut through the night, and then, suddenly, the entire football team was descending on him, dragging him into their celebration, slapping his back, shoving beer into his free hand.
You took a step back, your breath still caught in your throat.
Bucky’s eyes snapped to yours, something like frustration flashing across his face, like he knew what had almost happened, what finally, almost happened, like he wanted to go back but then someone was lifting him onto their shoulders, chanting his name, and he was forced to tear his gaze away.
And just like that, the moment was gone.
You let out a quiet breath, tilting your beer back and swallowing the lump in your throat.
Maybe it was for the best.
Maybe it was a sign you were meant to just be friends. To always be just friends.
-----
The hallway outside your hotel room was quiet, save for the occasional distant voices of players passing through, all heading somewhere to celebrate the win. You stood there, arms wrapped around yourself, shifting your weight from foot to foot as you waited for John. The nerves sitting heavy in your stomach weren’t from excitement—weren’t from the anticipation of a night out, a rare moment to unwind after the intensity of the season’s start. No, this feeling was something else.
You knew what kind of night this would be before it even started. Because you knew John, and the thought of Bucky and him at the same table left you anxious.
John was already running late, and you were left alone with your thoughts, the seconds stretching into minutes, making you hyper-aware of everything—the way your dress felt too tight around your ribs, the way your pulse thrummed a little too fast.
Then, a voice pulled you from your thoughts.
“You okay?”
You turned slightly to see Bucky standing a few feet away, his hands shoved into the pockets of his jacket, his expression unreadable.
You nodded quickly, forcing a small smile. “Yeah. Just waiting on John.”
His eyes flickered with something, something you couldn’t quite place. He didn’t say anything right away, just studied you for a moment longer. And for a second, you wondered if he could see it, the way your hands clenched the fabric of your dress at your sides, the way your shoulders were drawn just a little too tight. He use to be able to.
But before either of you could say anything more, the hotel door swung open behind you.
John stepped out, adjusting the sleeves of his jacket, his phone in one hand. He barely spared you a glance before looking past you to Bucky.
“Barnes,” he said smoothly.
Bucky gave him a nod, expression still unreadable. “Walker.”
John’s hand found the small of your back, the touch firm, more like a warning than anything else. “We’ll see you guys there,” he said, already steering you down the hallway.
Bucky didn’t say anything. Didn’t move. You could feel his eyes on you, lingering even as you walked away.
The ride to the restaurant was silent at first, the only sound coming from the hum of the engine and the occasional ding of John’s phone as he scrolled through messages. You kept your hands clasped in your lap, your fingers digging into your palm to keep them steady.
Then, he spoke.
“Do not embarrass me tonight.”
You blinked, your breath catching slightly. “What?”
John didn’t look up from his phone. “These guys? They’re not just players. They have influence. And if you make me look bad in front of them—” He finally turned his gaze on you, a tight smile pulling at his lips. “Well, let’s not make this difficult, okay?”
You nodded automatically, your throat tightening.
He sighed, shaking his head as he leaned back against the seat. “Just smile, laugh at my jokes. And don’t go on and on about your stupid media stuff, alright? Trust me they don’t give a shit, they’re just playing nice because you used to be friends with Barnes.”
Used to
You swallowed hard, forcing yourself to look out the window as the city lights blurred past.
It was funny, in a cruel sort of way. You were finally in a place where you felt like you belonged, like you were good at something, and yet John had a way of making it feel so…insignificant. Like you were just playing pretend. And you knew he was right, they were some of the best players in the league getting paid millions of dollars. Why the hell would they care about you and your stupid job that you apparently didn't even earn on your own. And Bucky… well you didn’t even wanna get started on that because you knew deep down you weren't good enough for him then you certainly not good enough for him now. Friends or not.
By the time you pulled up to the restaurant, the unease had settled deep in your chest.
The restaurant hummed with warm, low chatter, the golden glow of the dimmed lights casting soft shadows against the walls. The air still carried the lingering buzz of victory, the easy energy of a team celebrating a job well done. The conversation around the table flowed effortlessly—teammates recounting plays, exchanging banter, trading inside jokes.
You sat between John and Sam, fingers curled around the napkin in your lap, trying to keep yourself grounded. Across from you, Bucky sat quietly, his beer untouched in front of him, blue eyes scanning the table. He wasn’t withdrawn, exactly, but he was watching. Observing.
John, on the other hand, was in his element. Effortlessly inserting himself into conversations, charming everyone around him, laughing at just the right moments. It was all so natural, so perfectly performed, and it made your stomach churn.
The waiter arrived, taking orders, and when he got to you, John barely hesitated before speaking.
“She’ll have an Old Fashioned,” he said smoothly, handing the menu back without looking at you.
You stiffened.
You hated Old Fashioneds. You hated Whiskey, its what your Dad use to drink.
It was such a small thing. Such a stupid, insignificant thing. But the way he did it, so carelessly, so decisively, without even glancing at you, made something burn in your chest.
For a second, you thought about correcting him. Thought about forcing your voice through the thick silence building in your throat. But before you could, his hand slid onto your thigh under the table, fingers pressing firm. Not quite enough to hurt. Just enough to remind you.
You stayed quiet.
When your gaze lifted, Bucky was already watching.
He didn’t say anything. Didn’t move. But the look in his eyes made your skin feel too tight, like he saw right through you. Like he was remembering something.
And maybe he was.
The moment passed, lost in the clatter of silverware, in the swell of voices as the team kept talking.
“So, John,” Steve said, glancing at him. “What do you do?”
John leaned back slightly, his arm still draped over the back of your chair like he belonged there. “I do some PR work behind the scenes,” he said easily. “NFL branding initiatives, helping coordinate events, stuff like that.”
Helping coordinate events. That was generous. You knew damn well he barely lifted a finger. He had a title, sure—something vague that let him slip into rooms he didn’t belong in—but his name, his father, were what carried the real weight.
Sam raised an eyebrow. “And your dad? He’s still high up in the league, right?”
John grinned. “Oh yeah. He’s got his hands in just about everything. Any major decision in the league, you can bet he’s a part of it.”
Sam let out a low whistle, shaking his head. “Damn. No wonder you’re so connected.”
John just laughed. “Exactly. Connections are everything in this business. It’s all about who you know.”
He said it so smoothly, like it was just an offhand comment, like it wasn’t meant to cut. But then—
“That’s actually how Y/N got this job, you know.”
Your stomach dropped.
He said it like it was nothing. Like it was casual. Like it wasn’t a grenade he’d just thrown into the middle of the table.
John chuckled, nudging your side. “She’s so damn stubborn—wanted to do everything on her own. Thought she could earn it on her own. But hey, I put in a good word, made sure the right people saw her résumé.”
Silence.
You thought you might be sick.
With the boys that heard, with Bucky thinking you didn’t earn this job, didn’t deserve this job. You felt small, embarrassed. You felt all the colour drain from your face as you took in a sharp inhale.
And from the way Bucky’s jaw tensed slightly, from the way his fingers curled around his beer glass, you knew he was biting back from saying something.
The noise of the restaurant pressed in around you, but everything felt muted, far away. Your hands clenched in your lap, nails digging into your palms as you stared at the flickering candle in the center of the table, trying to keep your face neutral.
Then—
“Doesn’t matter how she got the job,” Sam said suddenly, his voice easy but firm. “Girl’s talented as hell. Deserves it.”
You looked up, surprised.
He was grinning at you, all warmth and confidence, like he hadn’t just rescued you from drowning. And you couldn’t help it—you smiled back, your chest loosening just a little.
But the moment was short-lived. It always was.
John’s hand tightened around your thigh in a sharp, quick squeeze. Not enough to draw attention. Just enough for you to feel it.
“Of course, my girl deserves the world,” he said smoothly, giving you a kiss on the temple before sitting back like he hadn’t just staked a claim.
Bucky was still watching.
Still quiet.
And then John, ever the performer, turned back to the conversation with a smirk. “So, Barnes,” he started, picking up his beer. “You knew Y/N back in what was it again? High school, huh?”
“Our whole childhood.” Bucky’s gaze flicked from you to John, his face unreadable. “But yeah.”
John laughed, shaking his head as he gave you another playful squeeze. “Bet she was a handful back then, huh? Like she is now?”
You forced a small, tight smile, but the grip on your thigh burned.
Bucky didn’t take the bait.
His voice was steady, even, when he finally spoke.
“I could never think that of her.”
The air at the table shifted. It was subtle, but it was there, the tension threading through the conversation like an undercurrent, pulling tighter with every second that passed.
Bucky’s voice was steady, even—but beneath it, there was an unmistakable edge, something sharp and unyielding. His blue eyes never wavered from John’s, locking him in place. And for the first time that night, John hesitated. Just for a second.
You had never seen him hesitate before. It wasn’t in his nature. He was used to having everything handed to him, power, privilege, even respect, whether he earned it or not.
Then, he let out an easy chuckle, leaning back in his chair like he hadn’t noticed the shift in energy. “That so?” He took a slow sip of his beer before glancing at you, his smirk returning. “You must’ve had him wrapped around your finger then, huh?”
Your stomach twisted.
You knew what he was doing. The fake charm, the lighthearted jabs that were never actually lighthearted. The way he was always trying to remind you, to remind everyone, that you were his.
Before you could say anything, Bucky leaned forward slightly, resting his forearms on the table.
“She wasn’t like that,” he said, his voice calm but deliberate. “She didn’t take advantage of people.”
John’s smirk didn’t falter, but you felt his fingers press a little harder against your thigh.
“No?” he said smoothly. “Guess she’s changed, then.”
The words were coated in something...something that made your chest tighten, something that made Bucky’s fingers flex around his glass.
Your pulse pounded in your ears.
Steve cleared his throat, shifting slightly in his seat. Sam, sensing the shift in the atmosphere, glanced between John and Bucky, lips pressing into a thin line. The energy around the table felt like a slow-building storm, quiet but electric.
John exhaled through his nose, shaking his head. “Relax, Barnes,” he said, his voice light, but the way he said Bucky’s name, like it was a joke, like it was something he didn’t take seriously—made your stomach drop.
Bucky didn’t move, didn’t flinch.
But something in his expression changed.
His blue eyes darkened, his jaw tightening slightly, and you could see the muscle feather under his skin.
It wasn’t that Bucky had a short temper. He didn’t. But there were certain things that got under his skin, certain buttons that could be pushed just enough to break that infamous restraint of his.
And John was pushing them.
Hard.
“I’m relaxed,” Bucky said evenly, voice slow and measured. But the way he was gripping the glass in his hand told you otherwise.
John chuckled again, but it was forced this time.
“You know,” he mused, tilting his head, “I always wondered what it would be like, growing up with her. Bet she was always the center of attention, huh?” His grip on your leg tightened as he glanced at you, his tone deliberately playful but edged with something sharper. “She loves that, doesn’t she?”
It was a test. A warning. A reminder.
And Bucky knew it. You knew it.
His expression didn’t change, but his shoulders tensed just, the way they always did when he was holding himself back.
“She deserves attention,” Bucky said, voice low, the weight of it settling heavily between them. “The right kind.”
The implication was there, clear as day.
John’s fingers twitched against your thigh.
That got John’s attention. John for the first time that night, he finally looked Bucky directly in the eye.
The fake smile was gone.
The air felt thick, suffocating, like something was teetering on the edge of breaking.
You swallowed hard, your heart hammering against your ribs.
John stared at Bucky for a long moment, something unreadable flickering behind his eyes. Then, just as quickly as it had shifted, he leaned back again, his smirk sliding back into place like nothing had happened.
He let out another laugh, shaking his head. “Man, you must really got it bad, don’t you?”
Bucky didn’t react.
Didn’t blink.
Didn’t move.
It was unbearable. You couldn't even hear the chatter from the other side of the table anymore, you couldn't hear the loud music, you could only hear the blood in your ears and the thumping of your heart.
Then, finally, John exhaled, giving your leg one last, sharp squeeze before finally pulling his hand away.
When Bucky didn’t give him a response of any kind he kept going. “Well,” he said smoothly, throwing an arm over your shoulder, “I don’t blame you. She’s something else, huh?”
His lips pressed against your temple, but his grip on your shoulder was firm, and when you instinctively glanced at Bucky again, his jaw was clenched so tightly you thought he might crack a tooth.
The moment hung there, heavy, stretching impossibly long.
The tension at the table was suffocating now, pressing down on you like a weight you couldn’t shake.
You could feel Bucky’s stare—burning, unwavering—but you refused to look back at him. You couldn’t. Because if you did, you weren’t sure what you’d see in his expression.
Anger?
Regret?
Something worse?
John, on the other hand, was thriving in it. You could tell by the way he leaned back casually in his chair, the way he sipped his drink like he wasn’t winding up for another hit.
You were hoping that someone else would say something. Maybe the waiter would come back and interrupt the moment. You were hoping that even maybe Bucky would finally respond and give him what he wants so this could just all stop. But he didn't, so John didn't stop.
And then, just as you feared, he took his shot. He was trying so desperately to get anything out of Bucky.
“You know, Barnes,” John mused, swirling the amber liquid in his glass, “I gotta say, man, I don’t know how you missed out on this.”
Your stomach dropped.
You knew what was coming before he even said it.
John turned his head, his lips grazing your ear as he squeezed your thigh beneath the table. “She looks even better without clothes on,” he said, low enough that only Bucky, and maybe Sam, could hear. “Seriously. Something must be wrong with you.”
A cold chill ran through your spine.
Bucky went completely still. His fingers no longer flexing on the glass.
It felt like the world had stopped moving.
John grinned, leaning back again. “So tell me, Buck—what exactly did you do wrong to never get your shot?” He raised an eyebrow mockingly. “Didn’t have the balls to go for it?”
Sam shifted beside you, his posture stiffening. You weren’t sure if it was because of what John had said or because of the way Bucky was looking at him now, like a predator sizing up its prey. Bucky was letting him dig his own hole and he wanted so badly to bury him in it.
Then John’s smirk widened. He wasn’t done yet. He never was.
“Oh wait,” he said, snapping his fingers in faux realization. “Don’t answer that, you probably think you didn’t do anything wrong, huh? You just—what was it again?” He turned to you, pretending to think. “Oh, right. You completely cut her off when she told you she was moving. How pathetic is that?”
A sharp pain bloomed in your chest.
Bucky’s jaw tightened, but he didn’t say a word.
John laughed under his breath, taking another sip of his drink before delivering the final blow.
“And then you never even called her when she lost both her parents,” he added, shaking his head. “Not one but two! Damn, man. I mean, I’d say what kind of friend are you? but…” He shrugged. “You guys aren’t friends anymore, right? You made sure of that.”
Silence.
Pure, deafening silence.
Your heart was in your throat.
John’s words hung in the air like poison, thick and suffocating. The weight of them settled over the table, pressing down like a storm cloud about to break.
No one moved.
No one spoke.
And then—
Bucky finally blinked. He took a sip of his beer.
Slowly, he set his drink down on the table with a deliberate clink.
His knuckles were white against the glass.
His shoulders rose and fell in a slow, measured breath.
But when he lifted his eyes to John, there was nothing playful in them. No amusement. No restraint.
Just ice.
And something dangerous.
Your pulse hammered against your ribs.
John, for the second time that night, hesitated.
It was barely noticeable—a small twitch of his fingers, the slightest flicker of uncertainty behind his smirk.
But Bucky saw it.
You knew Bucky saw it.
And you thought he was going to hit him. That he was going to lunge across the table. A part of you wanted him to.
The tension stretched impossibly thin, so thick it was hard to breathe.
Then..
“Buck,” Steve said, his voice low. A warning.
Bucky didn’t look at him. Didn’t move. Didn’t even blink.
He just stared.
And somehow, somehow—that was worse.
Sam exhaled slowly, shaking his head. “Man, you’re really pushing your luck tonight,” he muttered under his breath, reaching for his drink trying to ease the tension.
John chuckled again, but it wasn’t as effortless this time. He clapped a hand on your thigh one more time before finally leaning back, his smirk settling back into place.
His jaw was tight, his grip on his glass even tighter, but his eyes—his eyes—were locked onto John like he was seconds away from standing up and putting him through the damn table.
Your heart pounded so hard it hurt.
You weren’t sure if you were more afraid of what John would say next or what Bucky would do in response. Either way, the air felt charged, volatile, like something was going to snap.
And then, Bucky’s gaze flickered, just for a second, to you.
He saw the look on your face.
The way your fingers were curled into your lap, nails pressing deep into your skin.
The silent plea in your eyes.
And just like that, the tension in his shoulders dropped just slightly, the fire in his expression dimming just enough to see you.
You swallowed thickly, turning to John who was opening his mouth, again. Dragging in a shaky breath before reaching out, your fingers wrapping around John’s forearm.
“Stop,” you said quietly.
John barely glanced at you. “Stop what?”
You squeezed a little tighter. “John,” you said, your voice lower now, more desperate. “Stop this.”
John finally looked at you then, turning his body toward you slightly, his eyes narrowing. His smirk was gone. In its place, something colder, something more dangerous.
“I wanna hear you say it,” he murmured, his voice a quiet taunt. “Come on, honey. Where are your manners?”
You stiffened.
John tilted his head, his smirk returning. “Say it nicely,” he pressed, his fingers ghosting over your thigh under the table. “Try ‘please stop, John’.”
The words stuck in your throat.
The way he was looking at you, so smug, so in control, made you feel sick. You hated how easily he could do this, how effortlessly he could turn your voice into something that barely belonged to you anymore.
Your lips parted, just barely, ready to force the words out—
And then Bucky’s voice cut through the air.
“Don’t.”
John’s head snapped up, his entire body going rigid.
Slowly, his eyes narrowed. “Are you telling my girl what to do?”
That was it.
The final line drawn in the sand.
Before anyone could say another word, Steve pushed his chair back with enough force to make it scrape against the floor. His tone was sharp, decisive. Done.
“Okay,” Steve said firmly. “That’s enough. I don’t know what’s going on here, but this—” He gestured between Bucky and John. “—is not happening. Not tonight.”
Bucky didn’t move.
Didn’t take his eyes off John.
Didn’t blink.
Steve exhaled sharply before turning to Bucky. “Buck, let’s go.”
Bucky didn’t respond, not right away. You could see the war in his expression, the sheer force of restraint it took for him to tear his gaze away from John.
But when he finally did, when his blue eyes landed on you again, his expression softened in a way that made your chest ache.
He wasn’t just looking at you. He was asking.
Are you going to be okay?
You wanted to answer.
Wanted to say yes.
Wanted to say no.
Wanted to say please don’t go.
But the words wouldn’t come.
Instead, you looked down.
Bucky’s jaw tightened again, but he didn’t push it.
He just let out a slow, measured breath before finally stepping away from the table.
Steve followed.
A few of the other players, ones who had been too far away to hear what had really gone down, called out casual goodbyes, still laughing about something completely unrelated. They had no idea.
And then, just like that, Bucky was gone.
John exhaled through his nose, shaking his head like he couldn’t believe the audacity. Then, without another glance at you, he pulled his arm from your grip and stood, scooting down the table to where some of the other guys sat.
Like nothing had happened.
Like you weren’t even there.
Laughter bubbled from the other side of the table, casual, easygoing.
Meanwhile, on your side, it was just you and Sam.
The silence between you was suffocating.
You swallowed hard, staring at the candle in the middle of the table like it might give you some kind of answer, some kind of out.
And then, barely above a whisper you spoke. “I’m sorry.”
Sam frowned. “I can’t stress this enough, you’ve got nothing to be sorry for.”
Your throat tightened. You blinked rapidly, a single tear slipping free before you could stop it. You wiped it away quickly, but Sam saw.
He saw.
And he didn’t look away.
For a few more seconds, you just sat there, staring at nothing, the weight in your chest making it hard to breathe. Then, suddenly, the air in the restaurant felt like too much, too hot, too stifling, too heavy.
“I’m gonna head back to the hotel,” you said abruptly, pushing your chair back.
John’s head snapped up immediately. “What?”
You turned to him. “I’m tired. I think I’ll just head back early.”
John frowned, standing before you could even move. He grabbed your wrist, hard, his fingers pressing into your skin in a way that made you flinch.
“You going by yourself?” he asked, voice low.
Sam saw.
His entire body went stiff beside you.
“I figured you wanted to stay, don’t you?” you asked John carefully, testing the waters.
John let out a low chuckle, shaking his head as he finally, finally, released his grip. “Of course I do,” he said smoothly, gesturing toward his teammates. “I’m here with my buddies.”
The guys around him laughed, completely oblivious to the way the moment had just unfolded.
John turned back to you, smirking. “Wait up for me?”
You nodded mechanically. “Of course.”
His smirk widened. “That’s my girl.”
And then, without warning, he yanked you down, crushing his lips to yours.
It wasn’t a kiss.
It was a claim.
A reminder.
It was too much, too hard, too aggressive, too something but you let him do it anyway. You always did.
When he finally pulled away, he flashed you one last smile before smacking your ass, earning a laugh from the other guys and turning back to the conversation like nothing had happened.
Like he hadn’t just bruised your wrist.
Like he hadn’t just stolen the air from your lungs.
Like he hadn’t just won.
You swallowed hard, forcing your feet to move, forcing yourself to leave before you made the mistake of looking back.
#bucky barnes x reader#bucky barnes fanfiction#bucky x reader#bucky barnes#bucky barnes x y/n#sebastian stan x reader#bucky x you#bucky barnes fanfic#bucky barnes angst#bucky x y/n#bucky barnes au#bucky fanfic#james bucky buchanan barnes#bucky barnes x reader angst#bucky banres#james bucky barnes
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Hello!
I wanted to share with you my thoughts about Persona 5 Royal because I love your rants!
So, Ryuji sees Ren as his bestie and hates Akechi for attempting to kill his friend and hurting the group in general. But then, Ryuji has to see how Ren is kinda becoming a rlly good friend with Akechi and he must be so confused on what to think!
Like he knows Akechi was an a**hole but now he is Ren's friend and kinda taking the place Ryuji had in Ren's life!
He must have felt a lot of conflicted emotions, and I want to see your thoughts about this
hi!!! very cool that you like my ramblings and thanks so much for saying so. and for sharing your thoughts with me!! i enjoy the chance to chit chat,, though i might struggle to gather all my thoughts together coherently
ryuji and goro have very VERY different relationships with ren. and each holds their own place in rens heart. and theyre both so precious to him. ren met ryuji and it was like standing in the warm sun after being cold and in the dark for so long and flowers bloomed in their chest. and meeting goro was a different kind of thrill. it was a game of wits. it was heart pounding and motivating. whatever souls are made of yours and mine are the same (for better and for worse)
ryujis relationship with akechi has a TON of potential. they have a lot in common.,, ryuji starts off seeing goro as some snobby bootlicker who would sell them to satan for a cornchip. and goro sees ryuji as a tactless fool with hot air between his ears. but while working with them. he, against his better judgement, and despite ryujis reservations as well. they start to see each other a bit different.
goro is not immune to Ryuji Charms and Ryuji is more emotionally intelligent than most give him credit for and he can stand in solidarity with goro as someone else who has suffered greatly at the hands of adults who should have helped him. and yeah, the whole thing is very conflicting.
i dont think ryuji would see goro as a threat to his place as rens best friend, mostly because it. isnt really clear if the gang knows just how close ren and akechi become until later. how much they regularly talk and hang out and understand each other. like,, the gang might think its a keep your friends close and your enemies closer sort of thing. that its all pleasantries. that this is all part of them playing goro as goro tries to play them. and be varying degrees of surprised at how much ren seems to grieve him after he disappears.
i think when goro joins the team theyre surprised by how familiar they act with each other. (what do you mean you gave him a Thieves Club bracelet and a cute endearment MONTHS AGO ren this is the enemy!!) of course ren and goro try to keep things low key. cause they both know whats coming. but. it becomes clearer. just how close ren has allowed himself to be to the resident backstabbing shitbird. and ryuji is like. hey ren whats the deal. what the hell. because hello?? look at what goro has done and what he plans to do. (hes worried for rens wellbeing moreso than anything else)
at that point, i can see him being very curious about their friendship. ren says theyre rivals but just how close are they? what do they do when they hang out and what do they talk about? he doesnt expect ren to spill a lot cause hes a private person. and then he asks. hey. but im still your best friend, right? and ren is like firefly my bruhloved no one could ever take the place of you. and ryujis like. alright cool. love you too, mia. be careful... (im here for you.)
and ryuji and the rest of the gang try, as their comfort dictates, to bring goro into the fold and be friendly with him. ryuji wants to know why ren likes him so much as much as goro wonders why ren likes ryuji so much. and the only way to find out is to try and hang out with the guy. ryuji is surprised at how athletic goro is and extends invitations to run or bike with him. they dont really get much chance to know each other better except as team mates on the battlefield. they sure arent what one another would consider friends. and yet by the end ryuji is the guy to tell a broken goro "man, youre more than special." and "youre your own person, you gotta know that" because thats the kind of guy ryuji is. and goro cant wrap his head around it (this is why hes rens second!!! and the heart of the pt!! dummy!!!) ryuji didnt want goro to die! he pounded on that door and called him an idiot!! they can be friends!! i see the vision!!! and this is my city!!! and like. post games i very much see goro and ryuji as like. coworkers at Loving Ren Inc. SDKHFSDF and ren has two hands. the thing is. ren is the kind of friend goro wished he always had, too. and goro takes a Long time to realize that ren is also his best friend. so its very much a chain here. goro: this is my idiot, ren. and this is their idiot, ryuji. (<< pictured, goro getting sucked into the polycule, circa 2018)
also like. ryuji and ren have their own friendly challenges with each other a lot. if anything i think goro is far more likely to get all huffy and be like thats MY rival THANK YOU VERY MUCH!! YOULL NEVER CHALLENGE HIM LIKE I DO. but this fact also acts as a gateway to goro becoming closer to ryuji. like. when they bring goro into their own friendly challenges as a third. it. makes goro feel included. and they bond more. goro finds another rival in ryuji in a completely different way from ren. and theyre both so aggro for rens love and attention. like jealous puppies. and ren has to kiss them to calm them down LMAO
i can go on about them but its shippy this is really long orz
#persona 5#persona 5 royal#ryuji sakamoto#goro akechi#ren amamiya#p5r#p5#dont mind me just spreading the#pegoryugoro#agenda#p5 apotelesma#apotelesmeta#ch. ryuji#ch. kogoro#ch. ren#asks
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“Then you’re gonna love the hot sprin…” Suddenly the woman froze, the discomfort was radiating from the man who seemed to have tensed up… realizing her mistake, she realized the outcome she was trying to walk eggshells around came to fruition- instinctively she reached for his clutched fist.. the thought of needing to FIX THIS situation and soothe it before it spirals out of her control… and she knows a great deal of control.
“Can you please at least understand that I’m not comparing you to her..I never could, you know that right? I dont see her in you..” Which was true yet… why’d the girl feel her own hair rise and spike up? She refused to think about it, the way the both of them made her feel so inadequate at caring for them.. as if her care and love was nothing but invasive to those that screech to be left alone, apart of Eris feels as if something in her broke long ago and it’s a part of her that’s screaming at the Diamonds to look at her, to talk to her, to finally let her in.. but she was always met with the silence of the tower, the coldness of being pushed into closing up again.. she felt as if she were hardwired to nurture and even if she’s not fully a Gem… why does it hurt to be denied what she felt her purpose was? Is she too intense? Too much for them, the way she was too much for Yellow and Blue? Is that why they can’t love her properly?
“You treat me better, you’re very good to everybody around you, Gem.. you’re nothing like that parasite.. I mean, stars- the asshole has damaged me in so many ways, ways you’d never do me. I trust you, okay?” Eris didn’t know whether to crush him in a hug or maintain her distance, so instead of prying as she used to, she instead tossed over a spare bottle- “Here, its Humans. We might as well drop this off to his office when we’re there… Peridot is gonna be so happy to see you.. Oh! We also have a surprise!” She couldn’t help but grin widely… filled with warmth that she previously thought was incapable of doing anymore- she couldn’t wait to introduce him to the Gourdpups!
Continued | @erisdiamas
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His gaze remained more toward the floor in this melancholic haze, before the words got through. His eyes shifted, a slow blink almost as if his eyes made an actively crunchy sound from the disuse of his lids.
Was he ok? How does someone even begin to describe the state he was in? If it meant physically, the only things that hurt were his stomach from the lack of food for a month but that hardly phased him after a few years worth of missed meals when living with the Diamonds before the shit storm that had hit his previous home and his eyes from their lack of blinking since had been staring down at the floor after his self imposed trip into the room to just give himself a moment to deal with everything, only to end up with the room deciding he needed to have a full month of detox rather than just a few hours like he had planned.
If the question were only focused on his emotions, it was hard to tell since they were just as frazzled as they always were, even more so due to the room deciding to play some sort of long game with him even if it was for his benefit. It was as if a piece of himself was missing. and it had been gone for so long he only just now realized it was gone, but it was so hard to put anything into words that fully explained how he felt.
He didn't know how to answer, how does anyone answer a question like that as if it weren't the hardest question to answer when anyone could ask him of all people?
He rubbed his face slowly, taking a deep breath before letting it out slow. He couldn't say that he was fine, because that was a lie. He didn't feel like burdening her with his feelings because he's supposed to be the older one, the one who guides, not the one who falls apart whenever anything just gets too much to bare. He clenched his fits to the point where his knuckles turned nearly white than his already pale skin. How is it that he can dump his trauma for the room to see, yet can't just express himself in front of a living breathing caring person, maybe it was because of the age between them, maybe it was because his upbringing was literally having to deal with people literally 1000s of years older than him having to fix all his problems to the point where he's so burnt out he'd rather keep shelving his own problems then just deal with them.
Once again he turned back to the floor, before finally speaking aloud. "I'm not ok, but that's ok..."
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sometimes you gotta lure your overly-studious ravenclaw gf into spending time with you 🥰 📚 ( from 'Every Teardrop is a Waterfall' by Kat_12739 on ao3, GO READ IT!!! the first story is about seb falling sick and still pushing himself/not admitting he's sick until he ends up in the hospital, the second story is about the birth of seb and clora's daughter and seb's reaction to clora almost dying in childbirth, and the third is about dealing with a fussy newborn lewis😭🥹THEY'RE SO GOOD AND SWEET AND SOMEWHAT SAD (not to mention beautifully written) so go check it out!!💖💖 )
#READ SO I CAN YAP TO SOMEONE ABOUT THEM🙏😩💘#the seb sickfic made me realize how much i needed barely functioning and sick seb (but him still trying to be tough)#theres also a part that cracked me up bc at one point seb is so sick he cant even see straight but he just thinks to himself:#eh its fine.... ill just ask ominis how HE functions without vision later🤷 LMFAO#so stubborn...JUST LET CLORA TAKE CARE OF YOU MFER🤺🤺🤺#defs gonna be drawing more from it especially sick seb LMAO but also seb having a tea party with celeste🥹🥹#hogwarts legacy#sebastian sallow#sebastian sallow x oc#sebastian sallow x mc#sebastian x mc#hogwarts legacy fanfiction#sebastian sallow fanfiction#hphl#choccyart#also i was never planning on writing anything about clora giving birth or abt the kids so to be able to read it WAS AMAZING#THERES A PART WHERE SEB IS HOLDING CELESTE AND CRYING AT CLORAS BEDSIDE THAT I NEED TO DRAW😭😭#LIKE SRSLY seb being conflicted and not even wanting to HOLD celeste bc he doesnt know if clora is alive or not... IT WAS SO SAD BUT GOOD#i honestly dont know what seb would do if clora died in childbirth tbh.......i could honestly see him resenting celeste#esp since she looks so much like clora😭😭#LETS JUST NOT THINK ABOUT IT!😃👍#(still thinking about it)#like this line in the fic: “Sebastian hesitated; if this was Clora’s last gift to him he wasn’t sure he wanted it.”#😭😭😭ITS SO GOOD UGHHHHH😭 TY AGAIN FOR WRITING THESE💖IM SO TOUCHEDDD💖💖
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Fuck I just have to write a fic about Emmrich noticing Rooks hidden injuries now
#Its so sweet that his favourite color is lilac and i happened to have made her eyes purple#anyways adore this dapper man#im romancing taash next (harding is low key making me jealous but i just know theyll be good for each other when taash finally tells her)#or shit lucanis i was so close to swaying towards him but emmrich is so sweet im just scared hell turn into a lich but i wanna support him#ahh so excited to see how things go from here!#dragon age the veilguard#dragon age the veilguard spoilers#emmich romance#emmrich volkarin#emmrich romance spoilers#im playing on low graphics because thats all my poor gaming laptop can handle but i wouldnt even know and i dont care it looks so good#i liked neve but hardened her maybe ill see what happens when lucanis gets hardened instead (hehe) but poor spite...
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thinking about how much time and mental effort I put into making sure my dog is exercised and enriched every day vs the new (largely north american) trend of never walking your dog because "they get enough during the day" (it's one hour of high arousal sports training) (where they sit in a crate for 40 mins of that) (and maybe a romp in a postcard-sized backyard if they're lucky) ((it's not enough for most dogs)) ((they're bragging about it))
#dogblr#dog training#dog enrichment#i feel like people took the 'be careful not to create an athlete' and sprinted in the opposite direction#all the way to 'your high drive / high arousal dogs should be satisfied with one hour of cumulative engagement and#23 hours of being put on a place mat'#wheres my post like 'if i didnt control my dogs access to resources would they still like me?'#its not good positive engagement when your dog is starved for something to do#that's just modern kennel life but youre patting yourself on the back because your dog is allowed on the couch#i woke up in a spicy mood this morning and made the mistake of looking at instagram#eta if youre being normal about it and trying your best with your dog this isnt about you#if youre bragging on social media about how you dont exercise your dog but it explodes off a place mat because its so pent up#then look inwards
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my honest reaction
#once again the trailer just kind of makes me feel nothing but confusion at why theyre doing things the way they are#why is gerald still alive. even if it turns out to be time travel or him being frozen alongside shadow or something#it still takes away a lot of the emotional impact of shadows story ... why .....#the fact that theyre just seemingly having gerald be rouge's replacement in the dark story trio too???? what. thats stupid .#and speaking of rouge. where are rouge and amy. ive never seen a single good argument to justify their exclusion here#why is the only girl character from the games whos present the one who famously dies horribly for male characters' motivation#(to be clear im not saying the way maria's death is handled in the games is bad writing or anything#just that having her be the only girl character to have a movie counterpart is certainly A Choice.)#and. why are team sonic (and human characters associated with them who are supposed to be the good guys) working with gun .#gun literally does nothing but cause problems for sonic in sa2 ?!?!?!??!?!#even if it does turn out theyre not being completely honest with sonic about what shadow's whole deal is thats still. why ...#i wasnt expecting an exact recreation of sa2 but that doenst mean i have to be okay with every possible change they make either#especially when a lot of this stuff just actively makes the story worse. sa2 im so sorry they did this to you#honestly probably wouldnt bother me quite as much if this was a comic or tv show or something#and not . a big popular movie that is probably going to overshadow the game in a lot of peoples minds. ughhhh#also shadow has still only had a couple lines so maybe its not fair for me to say anything just yet#but i dont . really like how he sounds from what we've heard .. why did the ycast keanu reeves this sucks#idris elba as knuckles is starting to annoy me too tbh . like i didnt care for it at first but then it grew on me#and now im back to not really liking it . that is NOT knuckles#anyway. im honestly struggling to understand how so many fans of the games are uncritically excited about the movie ?#and dont have any problem with the writing choices being made here.. ?#do they just not care how shadow's story is portrayed as long as he looks cool doing it .. ?#im not saiyng the people who are excited are fake fans i just . dont get it
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puts bocchi under ur pillow
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What's that I see?
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My, my. How did such a cute little thing get in here?
#I'll take good care of her~#*ahem*#the stuff in caps is from me earlier when i first had the idea#she wanted that to be the text but didnt think i might want to.. talk about the drawing process. thats why this awkward transition is here#anyway.. when drawing characters simply i like to draw them like little miis or perhaps teru teru bōzu#thats why her skirt is longer and why she doesnt have arms#also.. i dont use colored pencils often. and while i do have quite a few this is the closest i could get to the Bocchi the Hot! Pink#(or should it be Bocchi the Hot Pink! ?)#anyway.. i also only wanted to use the Bocchi the Hot! Pink and her blue and yellow.. so no brown for her shoes.#to make the pink more striking#anyway i said i dont use colored pencils often.. you can tell. i made a mistake boldening the line work before colouring..#cus the pink mixed with the lead more than it would have otherwise.. making it darker#o well#also.. i added a little colour around the clover as a oneshot reference. pink yellow and cyan where the red green and blue are normally#its meant to be subtle#unfortunately it mixed with the lead too so it looks more sloppy than anything#anyway um#my art#communication#my actual posts lol#bocchi the rock!#bocchi#bocchi the rock#bocchi fanart#hitori gotou#i think this ask was meant to bug me to watch bocchi#its working in a roundabout way#also.. u can see my niko oneshot plush and focks *cough* i mean fox tunic plush in the background of the first image
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A strange, dead, white whale washes ashore; the local schoolteacher is dragged out to see it by the younger of his students, who want to know if this is the mysterious 'Moby-Dick' he's told them all so much about.
#alto art#moby dick#me: i need to figure out how to draw ahab#also me: hehe ishmael comics go brrrr#ishmael moby dick#ishmael#herman melville#literature#firealpaca#i just realized i made moby dick too small... fuck#hey look dont worry about it. they put him in the dryer and he shrank. okay?#i cant draw whales but that can't stop me#i like this one actually. gradient go brr#its like i can see the flaws and im aware of them but somehow i dont care. i still think it looks good. its a weird feeling#ive had this idea for AGES you dont even knowwww#i hope you can tell what im going for/ whats going on in this one#edit: FUCK I FORGOT POST-CANON ISHMAEL TATTOOS. ARGGHHHH#WHY DOES THIS KEEPS HAPPENING
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idk comfort characters moment ig
#i should REALLY stop doodling around and start doing more serious art#anyways this is not shipp art btw i dont shipp them for me they are like brothers best friends even#demoman#miss pauling#tf2#team fortress 2#kino art#idk i just feel like drawing sad demo i think he got too much going on in that little head full of beer and depression...#and well he just needs a hug and venting for real and not making it much of a joke#IDK I WAS JUST LISTENING TO MITSKI AND LAMP AND BOOM sad doodle i guess#i think for demo is a bit hard to find a good time to vent and well his team kinda sucks for that#same goes w miss p this two are full of shit in their heads so why not listening w each other and crying idk#its been a time since i have draw demo...#those fucking hands... i hate often times drawing hands#idk why i made tf2 sad art i think is funny but who cares cringe is free look at me doing lovey dovey and sad art haha laugh at this guy
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pre-holiday leave crumbs
#sk8 the infinity#kyan reki#hasegawa langa#renga#hey. if I give u a bottle labeled wine with somethin else inside. would u drink it#anyways. tomorrow I Travel#The Turbulance evened out alright! so the Traveling could no longer be postponed#three days on da road babeyy (<- shaking and crying)#goin to a market! I'll try to get a new kitchen knife there. will be better than whatever the fucks goin on in our kitchen rn#anyways. post-fic haze has settled in once again I am simply no thought. this will continue for hopefully five hours#until I gotta get up for car time#kinda whittling down the 20yo reki design slowly to get to a point where it feels Correct#20yo langa is already perfect. maybe to nobody but me but I stand the fuck by it#I believe in langa looking like a guy lesbians would hit on by accident in his 20s. I hold myself to it#oh yeah if ur asking. no that was not a cigarette in the first pic. sorry Im a tightass about smoking thats a lollipop#in my head its the pickled mango flavour that alpenliebe already made a hard candy version of here#hard sour candy shell with. chili salt core. it is good (?) but it hurts my stomach (I will not stop eating them)#also if u catch the acc name going outside the panel in the comic. its bc I could NOT leave it at just 'random white girl'#it has to be the full thing I cannot do this fake fictional twitter user like that#literally the only preliminary caution I take for funny comics. nothign else makes sense I dont care. this is necessary however#anyways. it is time for baku to be horizontal and shit. so here we goooo#have a good nite lads! idk what will happen in the next 3 days! will most probably be silent! and then dip pen comms will open again#eat well sleep well! two daysborday until labor day
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After years of wanting one, but not being able to justify the price tag, I finally treated myself to a PS5. It's been an incredibly rewarding weekend getting to play Spiderman 2 for hours upon hours and not have to worry about work for a while. It's been a stressful year, especially these last few weeks, and I still have a ton of stuff to get done before our winter break, so this was a much needed respite to relax and recharge for the next couple weeks.
#between black friday deals and extra discover cashback#i just couldnt resist#i got the console and the 2 games i really wanted#after 3 pretty full days of play#im 80 percent through spiderman 2#probably wont play again till the weekend#need to catch up on shows after work#im hoping once were on break from work i can start ratchet and clank rift apart#ill have 2 weeks off so i can play as much as i want then!#oh and even the preloaded tutorial game is pretty fun!#i can finish that too#and even though i have all the uncharted games for ps4 im considering getting the remaster pack of 4 and lost legacy#mainly cause i really love the ps5 controler and i kinda want to be able to replay them with it#ill have to look up reviews to see if its worth it#ok im rambling too much#if youve made it this far an have any ps5 game recs i would appreciate it!#im a low effort player lol so i like to have easy/super easy modes#no racing or shooting (unless its an uncharted style game)#i just have awful coordination and cant aim or drive for shit lol#also no scary stuff like last of us#i dont care how good the story is i cannot look at something thag dark for that long#(i also adored Stray but fuck if that sewer level didnt almost kill me)
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Still thinking about this bc being a shitty teacher isn't the same as being evil and yet- *gets shot*
#Porter discourse bc good god if theres ever a character that I could write at length about their character assassination its him#Porter becoming comically evil for a bit I can handle but then the grooming being tacked on is like horrific in a way thats like.. okay#but why did that have to happen??#and I don't think brennan meant anything malicious by it y'know? it was more like 'hey! Emily would LOVE this & she'll still play fig!'#And yes the seeds were planted in sophomore year with the nightmare kings crown and Ragh#But we also saw how he was when working with other students and how much he cared for Ragh zelda and Fig like he was proud of his students#HE BECAME PROUD OF GORGUG#So to find out he was basically just grooming Kip is like- and then the seriousness of the grooming isnt addressed#its not handled with the level of seriousness like when the table realizes Bobby Dawn groomed Sandra Lynn#It's played as a bit and it feels like are we eating our cake and then having it too by making him a bumbling idiot in the finale when#he was shown as clever enough to fly under the radar except to fig who in the meta emily kept playing up the porter is evil bit bc no one#else believed it and it was funny to play up fig being extra sus of him#but then its also like okay we dont care about the grooming now also because it was kipperlily who they were beefing with- its just?#I wish the grooming never because part of it and I feel like thats the thing that bothers me about junior year and Porter specifically#AGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH#Porter cliffbreaker#not main d20 tagging this bc i know I'll look fucking insane but I do think porter as the big bad couldve been cleaner and it made me lose#a little faith in the storytelling of FH and made me not want a senior year#it kinda turned me off from d20 like i just have been less interested and the last 3 episodes are a massive reason why#and now theres too much shit left hanging so its like.. we kinda need a senior year but its like.. ehh.
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also i watch The Wild Robot the other day and oh my god 11/10, absolutely beautiful in every sense of the word, would cry again 👍
#josh talks#literally i cried several times throughout the movie#i do tend to be a crier when it comes to movies#but i have never cried like. in so many instances throughout#like usually its like a big climatic scene or the endings of things that make me cry#but this movie could hit you hard from the very beginning#anyway i absolutely fucking loved it#hit me in the Autism Feels (tm) and also had Found Family and i always eat that shit up#i NEED a physical copy of this movie#also side note the minecraft movie trailer played as a preview for this movie and GOD is that embarrassing for minecraft#to have that mess shown before the stunning masterpiece that is The Wild Robot#but it also made me Sad about the minecraft movie and what it couldve been again#imagine if the love and care put into the Wild Robot was put into the minecraft movie....#cuz the wild robot was gorgeously animated and had powerful emotional themes (that i doubt the minecraft movie will have)#there was even this preview for this movie called like Dog Man or something?#and it seems to be an adaptation of a book by the captain underpants guy#and even with such a silly premise and presumably having a target audience of young kids#it was animated so charmingly!! it was pretty and oozed personality!#and looking at the cover of the book it seems to have done a good job of adapting the artstyle into 3D while#also polishing it up while still capturing a similar vibe as the original#like dang. i dont mean to insult dog man cuz i really dont know anything about it. but dang dog man got#so much more love and care into it than the minecraft movie seems to have gotten#anyway sorry to derail from wild robot to minecraft it was just so jarring to have that trailer play before this awesome movie#pls go watch it if u can <3#ive been telling people i know that if they decide to go watch it to tell me so i can tag along and watch it again
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I really hate how my physical body looks so so so much. unfortunately there isn't much I can do about it.
#ive got fat genetics from both parents families going back generations and ive been trying to lose weight forever#my stupod body likes being fat i can excercise like crazy and eat barely anything and i wont lose anything#i was excercising 2+ hours a day before i got sick and it made me stronger but i.stayed fat. now that im sick im weak and still fat.#and im not the kind of fat anybody can find pretty. if i could somehow not be fat id be decent to look at my face isnt bad#my skin is bad though my skin sucks#in my eyes im disgusting#and its so messed up because i dont think other fat people are gross#but i hate how i look so much that i cant imagine anyone being okay with it#like no matter how kind and understanding and sweet i am to people its never gonna make up for the fact that my body is grossly ugly#and i cant blame anyone for not liking me i get it.#sorry#this is a problem i have#bacause i just usually pretend my body doesnt exist and i wear pretty loose fitting dresses that cover me completely so but#even though i am what i am#sometimes you happen to meet a nice person and they are polite and dont seem disgusted by your existance so then your traitorous brain t#thinks hey maybe this person would be willing to marry us someday if they got to know us. which is so silly becuz theres no way thatd ever#so it makes me sad when i should be happy that a nice person talked to me. yay good job successful friendlyness. but it has to remind me#that i had this expectation from when i was a kid that id marry somone and have at least 3 kids and love my kids and take care of them and#give them everything i needed when i was a kid. and of course that never happened. because i never dated anyone. because people dont just#magically get married out of nowhere. its stupid. so i keep trying to be okay with whatever. but i guess i never stopped wanting a family.#which we know im aroace now so. i need to stop. but my brain is always bothering me about this.#why can't i just accept that no one will ever love me. why cant i be happy that they dont?#ive got cats#someday i will have irl friends again#sorry i think everything would be so much easier if i was just#this isnt a problem with an easy solutiom#i guess im gonna try to do the useless excercises again because at least it will look like im trying even though nothing will change
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