#i don't want to ping that person and out them as someone who does irl trades if that makes sense but if they're reading this

[beanbagbuddies4life]

Coming in late for the December Plushie Photo Challenge !

Day 1: Red Plushie

Snort II is so nice you see him twice! I ended up with 2 from a conveniently-timed trade, they're the best of friends (and so soft)

[wigglebox]

Sorry if this is TMI, but started ADHD meds today (I'm a newly diagnosed AFAB adult) and already feel like an actual person, so I just wanted to share w/someone bc my irl friends don't get it. Thanks for being out there about your neurodivergence!

aHHH congrats! yeah it was so bizarre feeling like.. oh are people always this energized and actually able to do things? is this what it's like every dayyY??????

like i was having medication issues over the weekend and into yesterday so i didn't use my meds Saturday or tuesday and it was rough i only managed to get by yesterday bc i had a shit ton of caffeine which isn't good. like the crash was more bc I'm on vyvanse so the crash can be hard but it still even felt like my old self just walking through a cloud of wool or something + the crash from vyvanse which made me extra tired.

so yeah like, the meds help. understanding your ADHD and therapy help. but yeah feeling like a person you just wanna cry lol. i cried a little when i was on concerta bc it made me feel better [though it screwed with my eating cues]

and then with vyvanse i cried bc i felt like a real person AND it didn't screw with my eating cues and yeah

honestly fuck anyone who says meds aren't the way. especially if they don't have ADHD themselves. and if they do have ADHD and have tried meds, then I'm sorry it didn't work for them but for those of us who have brains that do, biologically, scientifically have a deficiency that hinder our every day lives, the meds are a blessing.

bc i found when i was diagnosed with adhd, i spent the months between the diagnosis and seeing my psych wondering if i truly needed them but then found that all i was doing is pinging certain aspects of my life in the past and now that were negatively affected and all i could think about was 'what if i had help so it didn't feel like this anymore' so that's why i chose to go on meds.

sorry this is a tangent lmao speaking of meds mine is at the tail end of its extended release and my edibles are kicking in awlekjfalwekj

but i'm happy for you nonny i'm happy they're making you feel like that bc that's how it's supposed to be! a brain that's functioning a little better than before and in this case, a little does go a very long way.

and talking about it helps! it helps me, it helps others find me while i find them and ADHD shouldn't be in the public conversation as the butt of a joke but as an actual medical condition that's discussed seriously!

[jingyismom]

1. Ah, after reading those posts, I can see now that inumerous nuances were lost in the translation, specially the sex scene at the end of the novel. The translation I read indeed made me think that Lan Zhan was r*ping Wei Ying at some extent. He just seemed so agressive towards him, it got me surprised. In general, I don't have a problem with their sexual relationship or their kink at all (it has consent in the end) nor with whom enjoys it (I've read fanfic about it too and liked it).

The rest of your asks are under the cut anon!

Continuing discussion from this previous ask.

I totally get you anon, and yes, in real life, assault is assault the moment someone's wishes about their body are violated. You are totally correct, and again, your feelings are 100% valid. You're allowed to feel this way about that scene, and many other people do, too. I'm personally not a great fan of the way that scene characterizes either of them, and it's not a part of the canon I use in my head or in my writing, but I do understand that for some people it is essential/exciting/romantic.

I'm sure people have written about their personal feelings on that scene from a standpoint of enjoyment, and I'm sure that would be very interesting to read, but I regretfully don't have any links for you. All I can offer is my own view on Things In Media I Don't Understand And Don't Like. Again, forgive me if I'm just telling you things you already know.

The thing we just have to remember is: it's not for us. That scene, written that way, is not made for everyone on the planet to have to understand or enjoy. It was written for people who will enjoy it, because it's a work of fiction by one individual person with their own personal tastes - tastes which are, yes, again, also influenced by a culture different from yours or mine.

And it may be hard for you or me to understand, but fantasizing about a forceful stranger taking what they want from you, only to be revealed to be your one true love...that's a fantasy as old as time in, I think, any culture. People fantasize about dubiously consensual and non-consensual encounters all the time and they always have. Some people want to live out those fantasies in real life! I dearly, dearly hope they are able to find safe and sane ways in which to do this, because communities exist for this very purpose!

Obviously, these fantasies do sometimes get taken out of their context and turned into horrible things. But that is due to other difficult factors, not the existence of the fantasies themselves. That's a really important thing to keep in mind, for me.

I would argue that society romanticizing super tall size 0 models with lots of plastic surgery and filters is arguably more harmful to all of us than a handful of people with a non-con kissing fantasy. It may sound flippant to say that, but danmei novels simply don't have the reach or influence to cause people to commit real life physical assault on any kind of scale. Other societal and personal issues are at fault, for that. Lots of them, in complex ways I don't have the education or experience to unpack. In short: fiction/fandom/fantasy are not to blame for heinous real-life actions.

Again, I'm not minimizing your emotional reaction to the content, and I hope this isn't coming off as patronizing, because I totally get it.

But in fiction it is all down to a matter of personal enjoyment. There are a whole lot of kinks out there that I don't understand, and a whole lot of kinks I have that other people don't understand! Sometimes, when I see things out in the wild I'm unprepared for, it does confuse or upset me! This is why tagging works with content warnings is so very important.

So for me, what I find most comforting and healthy, is to curate my engagement with fandom such that I don't have to see the things I don't like. Fandom works best for ourselves and others when we operate with a "live and let live" attitude. We don't have to like or understand other kinks, and other people don't have to like or understand ours. We just have to take care of ourselves out here in the internet wilderness, and let other people do the same for themselves. For you, maybe that means blocking or muting people you see romanticizing the Phoenix Mountain kiss. Or if it's irl, maybe you let people know you're not comfortable talking about it.

Finding private spaces to vent, or friends to vent with, is also essential. Maybe you can find people who have also seen the same examples of people romanticizing it, and also hate it as much as you do, and you guys can be salty about it in DMs somewhere together. That's the ideal set-up, in my opinion! That way, you can have a safe place to air your grievances.

I guess what I'm trying to say is: fiction and personal fantasy are both things that we can't really judge other people's tastes in, no matter how incomprehensible they may seem. The best thing we can do is surround ourselves with the kind of content we DO want to see, and ignore the stuff we don't like, and expect the same courtesy in return from people with other likes and opinions.

I hope this all makes sense and doesn't come off as dismissive, anon. I'm glad you felt comfortable enough to engage in discussion on this, and I'm very thankful for your willingness to help me understand where you're coming from. We're all just doing our best out here, and I sincerely hope you can find the space to enjoy the things you want to enjoy without being confronted with things that make you feel bad. ❤️

[jiangwanyinscatmom]

So I saw your comment about xue/xiao on this post about cheng/xian and it occurred to me that's even ironic how xy, in his own twisted way of seeing things and according to wwx's deductions, killed Chang Ping bc he "offended" xxc when turning his back on him while jc, on the other hand, went killing people who reminded him of wwx/just in case they had a connection to wwx. And I'm not saying xy is any more right, he is that effed up (and the dissonance is so shocking too, as if it wasn't HIS fault in the first place, that. I'm sorry. but I find it amazing... that's what xy is in the end) but still if you're going to make a parallel with these two, I have to say that: it says a lot that xy, the psycho murderer, kills someone bc, again, in his twisted head he offended "the object of his affection" but jc, tsundere misunderstood grape, kills people bc he relates them to "the person of his affections".

Anyways, that aside but also related to something you mentioned about they not wanting the tragedy of Yi City... You hit the nail on the head. Look, ngl, I personally find annoying of course when people like that anon that also mentions xue/xiao talks about how horrid and how disturbed she finds people like them. I think it's unnecessary bc it's not even like this is about them but jc so why bring them out of nowhere to say such things? And sorry for the tmi but allow me to really make clear that I've never had not even a close to an abusive rs in my life so I hope people finally get that we know to separate reality from fiction and I guess the fact we aren't triggered by it it's also a sign some of us luckily can say irl we've never allowed any dangerous bs from another person.

ANYWAYS, sorry I digress. Back to the point, the truth is that while I find unnecessary to say things like that when the main theme isn't even them, I do understand if some people feel uncomfortable by it, I just believe there are certain fandom etiquettes and it's not the same to talk about how of a horrible person xy is, bc he is, than shading people for being in their corner shipping something problematic. And what's more important about xue/xiao shippers is that so far, in my experience, we are quite "content" with the result? We accept this is a tragic effed up story and we accept it couldn't end well. We aren't, idk, blaming wang/xian for what happens to xy when he and he alone dug his own grave, duh. We like it bc of its tragedy. And I think the best proof is that there isn't as much fix-it fics like people who maybe think this is about being apologists would believe. From time time of course we need some crack, some unrealistic result, some comedy even lol... but I think the reason our ship work for us is bc we like it bc of it is and not bc we project ourselves. Also, I thank God never saw MXTX being attacked by xy stans... I don't doubt there must be some cringey stans like there are everywhere but I'm sure they're a small number. I actually find amusing MXTX being like "why do you ship those, idgi??" 😂 but above all, I respect her bc it's her work. This is not about being a boot licker, I believe it's ok to have your opinions too and not necessarily agree with the author... Too bad that all the MXTX antis I saw are gross about her and they're far from just giving criticism. They're plain bitter haters. It's not like it personally affects me and as if she doesn't have the right to have her own opinions on her story and own characters just bc I happen to ship something I KNOW it's not canon, ffs... In any case we can agree to disagree bc it's also my right to ~romanticise~ whatever I want as long as it's fictional. All in all, I'm grateful she created this story that hooked and these characters I learned to love...

Sorry if this became long and if it's all over the place 😅 but I just couldn't help myself and wanted to bring some points on this whole matter...

So I will break down my comments point by point anon!

On the point of Xue Yang, I find him fascinating along with his relationship concerning Xiao Xingchen. They had built up a relationship on so many lies, and lived fairly happily in that all while Xue Yang was unable to parse out what his animosity was towards Xiao Xingchen his love for him, and his idea of honoring this same person. It is just a mess of a relationship with so much that can't actually be described because even the characters can't separate exactly what is going on there aside from the pain Xue Yang caused because he just does not understand kindness and empathy in a significant way that could have saved himself. It is a gorgeous plot point and awful bond. It's also just at the cusp of Xue Yang being in denial admitting that he DOES miss Xiao Xingchen and his build up of this unconscious guilt for having killed someone he learned to love and know. Especially next to Jin Guangyao who doesn't have this guilt but is very good at speaking like he is, and Jiang Cheng who is not regretful for what he did to Wei Wuxian.

On the topic of ship shit talk: I have no bone to throw here as a defense. I shit talk chengx!an and plenty of pairings with mutuals and friends as a vent, because I find ships ridiculous as much as others. Everyone in my eyes can do as they want, say what they want in terms of fandom made content. It's there in all it's non-canonical glory to roast or praise on all ends. I think the issue here in regards to all of this is the conflation of fanon being made to seem like actual canon and the line of where personal tastes needs to be made apparent. MXTX isn't big on shipping outside of her main pairs, I'm the same with mine for OC's and I am very very picky in regards to this, but fans are gonna fan and Rule 34 is there no matter what. Fandom curating is always the answer if certain pairs get to you that badly. I also think there is a fine line with accusations of romanticizing non-canon pairs and it's place in a real life context towards others individuals as I think morbid material has it's place to be explored safely within literature and entertainment without pearl clutching or holier than though attitudes especially prevalent in English/Western fandom.

People get far too invested within the fandom headcanon space and a lot of vitriol pours out from that. It's a double-edged sword especially claiming to love something from this while condemning a multitude of people (mostly always chinese mainland fans, or other LGBT+ people who do not share the same self-flagellation attitude towards an entertainment piece). Self-flagellation is hypocrisy in my eyes and just because some people tend to make a very loud note of this, does not make them morally superior in sharing the same content as everyone else no matter how they do this.