#i don't want to have to juggle relief at the isea of accommodations and frustration at a loss of agency
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well my fears have come to fruition. my therapist has told me to get assessed for autism
#on one hand. oh my gd thank you for recognizing i am struggling#for reasons toher than like. sucking#to talk frankly about being autistic is so great#however. ermmmmmm#i am not super hyped about like... making that an official process attached to my medical records#especially because like#admittedly i think i am like. low functioning to borrow terminology i wouldn't otherwise use#<- saying this for clarity's sake and because j don't know how else go talk about it#but with time i have realized i am kind of not capable of living or functioning alone#and that's something that's kind of come up in these sessions#and he can't diagnose that hence why he's having me talk to my psych about it#but the idea of explaining this in an assessmenr#i just worry about being opened up to like. psychiatric abuse#and if's sort of fucking heinous that i should have to worry at the same time as being like...#i don't want to have to juggle relief at the isea of accommodations and frustration at a loss of agency#but it feels inevitable#idk#ultimatey i guess for me i am so fucking burnt out and have so much trouble with wmotional regulation & basic cognition that like..#i don't think i can like. continue and do something i want if it's still Like This#but the way like... people in positions of authority particularly in terms of health begin to trwat you#so deeply infantilizing#i don't know.#also ugh do you know how stupid it is to be like this.#<- OBLIGATORY INTERNALIZED ABLEISM/WHINING ABOUT MY EXPERIENCES DISCLAIMER BEING AUTISTIC IS AWESOME AND MAKES YOU COOL AND FUNNY AND HOT#🥲#call me!
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