#i don't want someone who makes me worried they're constantly talking crap about me behind my back to their ex and friends

[sadisticdemonbf]

Someone expressing their feelings doesn't invalidate yours. Sometimes people lose their cool when something has been bothering them for a long time and you turn it back to being about you. Always listening to your feelings and comforting you while always ignoring my own well being and keeping my mouth shut. Always talked over when we together and having to chase after you when I was so sick I could barely walk. You can let someone talk to you about their feelings without turning it back to yourself and making a big fuss and then completely ignoring them. I actually do care about your feelings always have!! I care about your feelings so much I avoided my own as to not upset you. I don't want to see the person I love harming themselves hitting themselves wanting to unalive themselves and I realized early on that expressing my own feelings triggered just that so I ignored my feelings for so long.

[facepalming-since-chernobyl]

I know we shouldn't especulate but right now I'm upset over the same shit that's happening to someone I know so just let me vent for a sec, will you? Firstly, the story and how it correlates to Melwood, but on a smaller scale. One of my friends is married to this really awesome dude who happens to be important in his line of work. A year ago humors started spreading that he was having an affair with a partner, and I went full on FBI to see if there was any truth to it. Details aren't important, but I did find that there were spread by a disgruntled employee.

But the thing is, my friend started to believe the shit and that even after she hired a PI with my help, because look I'm not married to the dude and as much as I like him you can never be too safe. The PI followed him for months and found zilch. Anyway, it kind of made a huge impact on their relationship because she started to second guess herself and because he realized that and anyway... I worry sometimes that even when we think think don't know the shit that has been said, or that they don't care, that this might start some shit because I'm seeing it happen. Sure, ir was on a smaller scale because my friend knows people at the company and heard about it and the same can't be said with certainty about Melissa, but I can't help but wonder how Chris feels about it because I'd feel like crap. We try to believe that celebrities wouldn't care, but they're just people like us, and I know I'd constantly feel like a monster even if I knew I wasn't one. Maybe I'm wrong, maybe I shouldn't project my feelings onto him but.... you know

First of all, as you said two totally difference cases, so it's like making a theory about things that not really connected.

But the main point is, anon, Melissa and Chris are both very aware of what kind of people spread things about them. It started when they got together, it went nasty in s3. Remember when Chris went to twitter and tried to talk about Mon-El, wrongly assuming the idiots were mature, not a bunch of immature whiny children? And how he dissapeared from social media, because of his mental health?

The same people who did this to him, were people who slut shamed Melissa, called her cheater, wanted her to slit her wrists and wanted her to be recast after SDC17. This are the same people who made CW forcing Jeremy to apologize for a song about friends. This are the people who called the cast members homophobic. This are the same people who went after a trans actress and called a black man who dealt with depression, racism and psychotic breakdown imamture. This are the same people who sent Mehcad death threats and made Staz suicidal. And they made a lot more. So all people involved with SG are aware, Melissa included. The hate of that one specific fandom, WAS one of the reasons why Melissa and the producers decided to end SG. I think the haters ignore really hard that they are doing this shit not only to her, her husband but also to her DEAR friends.

The point is, that them spreading dumb blind items about cheating and divorce is just ONE shitty thing of many they have done. It's like an ocean of shit and the cheating gossips are just one floating poop. What I want to say, those idiots have ZERO credibility.

And that's why your friends situation is very different. It was a thing that involved a work space and a person who spread this shit, was someone, who knew your friend and worked with him. That makes a stronger impact than, some anonymous idiots hiding behind KMcG's profile pics.

As for Chris. Anon, I don't know what he feels or thinks, you don't know it, only his closest circle probably does. But I know that modern world, social media especially, make the illusion that we do and we should, making us believe that people we don't know personally are people close to us, while they are not. But well, our brains are weird places.

The point is, I think I know more or less, what you feel, because I was in this place some years ago. But on some point, after seeing the same shit spread by them for YEARS and how it affected me in a negative way, I realized it doesn't really matter.

Yes, I like Chris very much on that "celebrity level". But he is some dude living his life in Usamerica, doesn't know I exists etc. Can I influence him in any way, beside dunno, leaving nice comments under his social media, recommend his works to other people and support idm etc? Nope. And I'm 100% sure me or you or anyone else here can't make him feel better about the dumb gossips. IF he knows or cares, because I doubt he does.

Why?

You know anon, 90% of things we worry about or are not real or won't happen. There are just scenarios in our heads.

Secondly, as I said, we don't know how he feels, so there is no point to worry. It's just seriously waste of time, energy and mental health, anon. I don't know what to do to change and stop worrying. In my case, it was a slow process, I guess, and one day I just told myself I was manipulated and it was time to stop.

Because, I can't be sure of course, but I'm guessing that the idiots spreading the shit, in one way, is their being hateful gross pieces of shit, who do shit because their fictional ship didn't happen (what says a lot). Some of them are just psycho KMcG's stans, who treat Melissa as a trophy princess and meltie as their consolation prize. Some of them didn't realize SG ended almost year ago and can't tell the difference between fiction and reality.

But some, are trolls who just want to spoil other people's fun. Did you notice how every time something good happens for MW or Chris, a week after or so, we get a shitstorm, spread by the same people? Also, I think it's pretty obvious, that some number of anons I get, from "concerned Chris and MW stans" are sent by the idiots.

But seriosuly, anon, projecting is good in some cases, but on some level you need to tell yourself to stop. Even if it's hard.

And well, I get that it's pretty obvious MW is fine, but the amount if bullshit, likes, comments on social media may be concerning. But.

Keep in mind some things.

If we talk about checking facts and something that can be considered as a fact from a reporters' point of view. If you want to publish something, you need to check it AT LEAST in two sources (believe me, I have a bachelor's degree in journalism), but the best thing would be more sources. And when I say sources, guess what? Anonymous are not considered as sources. Basically, you see something from someone you can't identify, you put it into a trash bin.

I am perfectly aware social media live on this shit, but it's shit. And the amount of likes, comments and popularity doesn't make something real. Yes, it may make people start to wonder and doubt, but it's shit. I know it's easy to look at the number of likes and hateful comments, but think about how anti-vax shit is spread. How mny people believe it etc.

Also, look who spreads and make themselves popular on the MW divorce/cheating/whatever rumours. The first on the list is McCreep. Who is some teenage dude who probably still lives with his mom, goes to school but still makes himself look like a realtionship expert. Like, think for a second about this ship. And it's ALL of them. they try to sound like psychologists and experts about a relationship of two people they have never met in real life and they base ther opinion on pics, few interviews and vids. Think about it for a second. And laugh.

Aside of all of it. I know we don't know a shit too, anon, and it's all specualtion, but the cheating gossips float here and there since 2017. And we are in 2022. Two weeks ago Mel was in front rows, cheering, clapping and waving at her husband when he bowed on his Broadway debut. Then she was smiling like crazy and taking pics of him when he was interacting with fans. And then she held his hand, like she usually does.

Just dunno, just believe in them and don't worry.

[manikrege]

I never thought I'd write about "love" again but here I am

You ever been with someone you can never "be with?" A friendship that you know has much more to offer but also too much to lose?

Crap, it's that cheesy romcom cliché from Christmas 2008. My Jai has fallen for an Aditi. And I'm mulling about whether we should have that "talk" when we Zoom tonight.

Maybe they'll explain that they don't see me that way and this would complicate things. Heck, maybe they'll point out how we're from different backgrounds, countries, jobs, and religions - and I'll have to clarify that it's these differences I love the most. It's starting to feel like a Toastmaster's debate.

If I have to be both realistic and happy, I'm hoping that they'll smile, appreciate me for sharing my feelings, and promise to help me get over it eventually. Such mature discussion. Much wow.

Scenarios. Scenarios. Scenarios. As I'm slinging through the multiverse created by my anxiety-ridden, 23-year-old brain, I have to say that there's something different about this person that's keeping me awake. There has to be.

Because I thought I left behind this topic in my emo teen phase. With poems that I took the effort to rhyme lmaoooo. But its almost after an entire decade that I'm finding myself chirping down this path again. Spring in my step and all. So the writer in me is definitely curious.

See first of all, there wasn't a love-at-first-sight moment. It wasn't full of butterflies and crazy adventures. In fact, I can't pinpoint a specific day when I understood that I wanted more. There weren't any explosive fireworks. The hunch grew more like five sips of chai. Normal, comforting, simple. Like how you move into a new house and then it eventually becomes your home for no good reason. And you get into a cozy routine.

I have spent so much time in their company doing jackshit. This one day we camped in our university's library. On our own laptops doing our own assignments. When the guards told us it was time to leave, we walked out talking about how well-spent the day was and we should definitely do it again.

It's not like we haven't had fun together. We've hung out, flown to new cities. We've eaten with forks at fancy brunches and also ravaged through banana leaf buffets like Savannah lions.

We've also had the craziest of talks. From junk gossips to deep philosophical musings at 3AM. They once looked down at the dimly lit highway and told me how every passing car must have people with complex lives and stories that we'll never hear. Trippy? Well, you should see our chats, you'd think we're in the stratosphere.

But floating in between all that noise are many blank pages that weigh just as much. Silences I never felt obligated to fill. Sometimes, we just lie around and chill.

Which tells me that this new kind of love I'm discovering ... this love isn't all shining and glamorous. After all that excitement fades away, there's a cozy blanket of silence that takes over. You don't have to go on extravagant holidays to relax. You don't have to buy each other costly gifts to feel special. You don't have to upload Stories of everything you do together. There's nothing to prove to the world, nothing to show off.

Instead, it's the simple gestures. They're both noticed and reciprocated. The person's company is more than enough. And you no longer have to do only wild things to feel like you had a good time.

If you can feel happy cutting a cupcake in the dark and call it a party, when its not even your birthday, that's when you realize they're the one.

Mind you, even if there's comfort, there's also discomfort. I like that we call each other out on our bullshit. They don't just pretend to agree with all my decisions or opinions because I'm their best friend. In fact, there are so many things we do openly disagree on and also furiously debate about.

We also hold each other accountable for our mistakes. I have a loud mouth and when I leak something in a public conversation that I shouldn't have, they will remind me that I can do better.

This could've been a toxic or abusive thing where we're constantly pushing each other's buttons. But its not the case because toxic relationships rely on fear. The fear of causing damage. But when we discuss our issues, we're not afraid of permanently ruining or breaking things.

We understand that we cannot realistically always like each other. Sometimes, I will hate her. And I'll say it. They'll say they hate me even more. Sometimes I'll be so pissed off at something silly they did. But I won't feel bad or guilty about it. We respect these negative emotions and agree that we can be imperfect and kinda off on some days. These fleeting currents and tiny problems don't threaten our bond. I speak for both of us when I say we have this unbreakable faith that we'll always be able to 'work it out together.'

When you call someone your 'loved one,' it means they're signing up for the whole package. Which occasionally includes confusion, misunderstandings, disappointment, and hurt.

If you can openly talk about all your feelings and problems without having to worry about losing them, that's when you realize they're the one.

But all that said, I think the most special thing about this special person is how they make me want to be better without ever having to push me ahead.

What I mean is that they're a forever fan. At gatherings, they'll take me around like I'm Barack Obama and introduce me to all their friends, raving about the 'cool projects' I'm working on this year. They're my biggest cheerleader, hyper-supporter, and meme-liker to the point of cringe. When I'm down and sobbing about how I suck, they'll tell me to shut up and refuse to believe that I'm anything less than the best.

I feel immensely relaxed knowing that I'll always be good enough for them, even when I'm not good enough for myself. See, it's not a conditional contract. There's this underlying assurance that they'll be cheering me for me even when I'm behind, even when I finish last. I don't have to constantly worry about proving myself to them or living up to their 'expectations.'

A relationship of any kind and degree shouldn't feel constantly challenging, uncomfortable, and stressful. That kind of bullshit is often sold under the guise of tough love or training. But you shouldn't feel like you're dragging yourself to please or impress the person.

Because love is safety. It's like a soft sandpit in which we can become kids again and build whatever the fuck we want to. And when we have no power left, it's a force that burns through every fiber of our soul and gives us that last bit of fire to hold on. "Hold on," it says, "We're almost there."

This safe zone my special person has created without even realizing it ... it just makes me want to push myself every day. Their fierce belief in me makes me want to fight, even when I don't want to do it for myself. In fact, it was this person who once told me that we can't always love ourselves and that's why we need friends who can remind us of how worthy we are.

If they make you feel empowered to chase your dreams fearlessly, you know they're the one.

Now that I've said these things out loud, I guess I know that they're really the one.

But I don't feel prepared to tell them yet so I'm going to wait for some more time. I'm not rushing into things. It's perfectly acceptable. And anyway, I'm not worried about being too late. I won't regret telling them right away.

You know how I'm so sure?

Because love is, above all, friendship. And I have it right here, right now.