#i don't wanna fuck the hippo thanks
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watching madagascar 2 on this stormy sunday afternoon, and gloria's busy gushing about moto moto:
"he's so big and handsome and BIG" like she's so real for that, love a man who's big and handsome and big
#i'm looking at you#joel miller#love putting that man in a situation#also just to clarify#i don't wanna fuck the hippo thanks#absolutely do wanna fuck joel miller though
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*rattling the bars of my cage making feral growling noises* I love your writing so much and I love when you foreshadow/reference character traumas I love how you write characters I love how you write generally and I want to consume your writing the way a hippo consumes a watermelon
"What are we going to tell my brother?" you ask, laying on Logan's chest in the darkening bedroom.
"I'll figure it out," he snorted, kissing the hand that was holding his. Fuck worrying about Wade. For the first time in he didn't know how long, you were relaxed. And your heart rate seemed normal. He knew for a fact you'd had at least one good meal. And if he played his cards right, you'd eat dinner and sleep. "Don't you worry your pretty little head."
"He's gonna be pissed."
"Not for long," Logan said reasonably. "And not at you. He told me not to fuck you. He didn't tell you not to fuck me."
"Still."
"Still nothing. You pay your mother an allowance so he can play dead and he doesn't have to go home for Christmas," Logan scoffed. "Which is stupid, by the way-"
You raise your head and look at him, "So you wanna go meet my mom?"
"No."
"Then let sleeping dogs lie."
Logan felt his eyes narrow and he growled.
"It's easier," you tell him. "I don't want-" You break off and lay your head back down, "she likes me better at a distance. But doesn't figure that out until she's up in my face."
"Doesn't make it not bullshit."
"I know." You sigh, "But unless you want her here and- ugh. No. No thanks. It's bad enough watching other women flirt with you at bars. I think if I had to watch my mom do it I'd probably flip shit."
He snorted, "She's not my type. Or havin' my baby." He patted your backside and shifted your weight a little to be able to kiss your head. "So. Wade was your mom's favorite. Your dad wasn't around-"
"I was Wade's favorite- when he was around," you tell him. "But- he was just a kid too, you know?"
"He's still a kid," Logan scoffed. And from the sounds of it, you never were. Either sick or trying to hold the shards of the family together in your little hands.
"Lo-"
"I'll make it all work out," he soothed. And if he got his way, you weren't going to be paying your mother anymore.
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To find all of our pixels look -> rentry link <- text is a link
-> Request list <-
I use pixel studio by hippo to make the hearts
While not perfect I keep every flag of pixels I've made if you need it
Adult anons are always allowed to flirt with me and send anon love letters ♡
I follow from @spadescrewcoining and Our Main Main is @spadesmidnightcrew We have a few different blogs because having too much on our dash makes us overwhelmed
The pixels will always be free but if you wanna support a mf here is my kofi link if y'all manage to donate 25$ I'll start streaming pixel making
Our wife adds the links to the posts please send them thanks
rules:
-> Won't do tranx flags unless reclaimed like a transautistic which is for people who are trans and autistic
-> -> Will do Dissomei and other anti radqueer terms
-> Won't do flags by aphobs, pan/biphobes, sysmeds/antiendos, antikin, or other exclusionists of harmless things
-> There is no limit to the amount of flags in one request
-> Will do any liom flags queer, mental/physical health, kin/therian, objectum, countries or videogame/fantasy worlds either i just like flags
We are 24 and completely okay with NSFW terms
⚠️Boundaries when it comes to making your own pixel hearts: Link one Link two⚠️
I do ten shapes now! You can now get emojis in ♥️♠️♦️♣️
Our spouse& is also willing to make personal system flags in the & sign!
The Homestuck House Gif Rules
-> Link for og
-> Please send one request at a time but you may send as many asks as you want we don't have a request limit
-> For the time being I will only be doing simpler flags and no flag symbols unless I find an easy way to do them (I am far from an expert animator I've made like 4 gifs in my life and the idea of trying to rotate a part of a flag symbol is a little stressful at our skill level of 1)
Flag designs we've done rentry (the list was getting long)
Other cool pixel/edit artists!
@goofylittleprideflags (small flags!) @eparchclass (SCP flag edits & coining!) @redacted-coiner (pixel circles and coining!) @dizzy-lights (Pixel hearts, stars and animated flags) @dragonpride17 (Pride blinkies, hearts, venn diagrams and coining!) @synthsys (Hazard symbol pride edits) @lunaridae (small flags and other graphic)
DNI: cthonicascendant and his fucking BIL (IRL abuser who had their BIL stalk our tumblr)
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WIP Wednesday (+ bonus poll)
thanks for the tags @jamespearce9-1-1 @thewolvesof1998 @daffi-990 @spotsandsocks (please go check their works if you haven't... sooooo good!)
alright folks, the Lutalia smut fic is done! It just needs to finish up with my beta and it'll be ready. So, one last very nsfw snippet (and a please help me name this thing poll!) under the cut before it posts. Prev snippets here and here
Lucy stops what she’s doing altogether to tsk loudly in admonishment, though there’s no heat behind it. “So impatient.” “Mmph. Yeah. Yes. Want you.” “You already have me, darlin’,” Lucy teases. Her hands curl around the backs of Natalia’s thighs as a reminder of who’s in charge. She uses the leverage to shift the angle, delving her tongue between Nat’s inner lips, fucking into her. It does nothing to ease the pleasant ache in her jaw and adds to the sloppy mess of spit and wetness on her chin. The feeling is simultaneously divine and unholy, but ultimately temporary. The mild possessiveness flares back to life, suddenly making Lucy wish there was a way to permanently mark Natalia. Something that would warn others not to dare approach what’s hers. Not that Lucy is interested in having Natalia as hers, per se. She just doesn’t enjoy the thought of anyone else ever having her.
no pressure tagging @disasterbuckdiaz @heartshapedvows @wikiangela @fortheloveofbuddie @monsterrae1 @ladydorian05 @malewifediaz @shortsighted-owl @eddiebabygirldiaz @stereopticons @elvensorceress @giddyupbuck @spagheddiediaz @chaosandwolves @wildlife4life @loserdiaz @your-catfish-friend @statueinthestone @buddierights @911onabc @hoodie-buck @the-likesofus @fionaswhvre @barbiediaz @eowon @honestlydarkprincess @spaceprincessem @pirrusstuff @jesuisici33 @steadfastsaturnsrings @rmd-writes @apothecarose @welcometololaland loml @lizzie-bennetdarcy @vanillahigh00 @watchyourbuck @weewootruck @exhuastedpigeon @underwater-ninja-13 @messyhairdiaz @gayedmundodiaz @theplaceyoustillrememberdreaming @callmenewbie and anyone else who wants to share (also i redid the tags because they were wonky so if you got tagged twice i’m sorry!)
fic taglist @lemonzestywrites @maygrantgf @buckbuckgoose
#hippo writes#lutalia fic#baby needs a name#hippo polls#lutalia#lucy x natalia#wip wednesday#furthering the lutalia agenda#BUT#every snippet makes me wanna puke from anxiety and nerves
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Seeing how we've talked about Cartoon Network originals, may as well talk about the shows from Cartoon Network's sister studio, Warner Bros Animation. Favorite character from the first batch of the following Warner Bros Animation shows from before Kids WB and the initial lineup for Kids WB's first year: Tiny Toon Adventures, Taz-Mania, Batman the Animated Series, The Plucky Duck Show, Animaniacs 1993, The Sylvester & Tweety Mysteries, Pinky and the Brain, and Freakazoid?
Super fuckin shooters let's go. Now we'll go ahead and elimiate taz-mania (haven't seen it) the plucky duck show (as I don't think i've seen it) and sylvester and tweety (Which I haven't seen enough of only small piec. Unlike with early disney though this nearly isn't as bad anyways...
Tiny Toon Adventures: Buster, great performance lots of fun with Plucky as a close second but simply not reaching the heights of his dad. The show itself is solid, 90's as heck in a good way, fun, and succesfully making it's own minty fresh new cast. A great start for WBA. Also I really dig the reboot.
BTAS: God this is a hard one as they had just so many great villians and an excellent batman (Also to be clear as I didn't realize this for years, the new batman adventures is isit's own show when we get there). It dosen't help i've been binging Serum Lake a lot, a youtuber who focuses mostly on BTAS (and lately caped crusader), with sprints into beyond and superman tas.
So this hard choice goes to... The Joker. I almost didn't as I prefe rother villians episodes.. but damn if hamill dosen't command every scene mr j is in. He is the joker for a reason.
The show itself.. is one i've talked about.. and one of the best animated shows period. I'ts a perfect adaptation taking everything that makes batman work and throwing out the decades of continuity crust that had built up. Watching those serum lake videos made me realize just HOW many villians were redefined by BTAS: Mr Freeze, Poision Ivy, Clayface, Mad Hatter, Two Face all villians who before this were just kinda forgotten but got a second chance thanks to BTAS. The show is a fucking masterpiece in episodic storytelling, making each episode a stand alone masterpiece with the occasoinal sequel or two parter to shake it up. While there were other great shows to come I feel only one directly competes and even it's probably not as good. We'll get there for now..
Animaniacs: Slappy. It will always be slappy. She had the best segments, was hilarious, and was sadly absent from the reboot for the most part. There's no one better
The show itself is fucking amazing though. While Slappy easily won the warners themselves are some of the best cartoons characters ever made, the bugs bunnies of the 90s (Sorry buster but they picked up the schitck better)
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The segments all slapped; Pinky and the Brain was good enough to get it's own show, goodfellas like slappy deserved one but didn't get it, the hip hippos are underated, rita and runt break my heart, and buttons and mindy sucks hard and is the worst because Mindy's mom is the worst.
Pinky and the Brain. Pinky. NARF. Rob Paulsen always delivers as this moron. The show itself what i've seen is pretty good, a nice expansion of an already graet series of shorts. It's decent stuff if better as part of animaniacs.. though the series at least gave us pinky and the brain and larry.
Freakazoid: HEY JAKE WANNA NAME COSGROVE THE BEST CHARACTER. Oh boy would i? That gag alone gets him here. The show itself is one I need to revisit as it's simply not streaming for no good reason, but was funny, rapid fire and has one of my faviorite gags in anything, one that's stuck with me since I saw it at my grandpa's house as a kid.
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thanks for the tag my friend -w-
I don't use spotify for my actual tunes so here are some random picks I like (whoops got introspective)
1. Eyes Half Closed by Crywolf | absolutely kicks my ass because it mirrors a critical point of an oc storyline that means the world to me. Lyrics and all!
2. A Complete List of Fears Ages 5-28 (aprox.) by The Yellow Dress | speaks to personal struggles and my relationships, also nourishes the part of me that likes odd folk music. Very heartfelt, I think
3. St. Clarity by The Paper Kites | important to me for both spiritual and nonhumanity reasons. Tastes like the rainforest I grew up surrounded by.
4. Gnaw by Alex g | Cathartic, raw, reminds me that I can express anger for what was done to me unapologetically. "I am not your brother, I am not your lover, and there is nothing wrong." The music's sound itself adds to this for me.
5. Natural Disasters by Enon | more catharsis, a bit more in a petty flavor. Things Happen.
6. She Only Loves Me When I'm There by Ball Park Music | LOVE this one it sounds so good. Used to listen to it a few years ago and I was so right for that. Honourable mention goes to Buttercup by Hippo Campus for similar feels
7. No Culture/Modern Love/I Go Hungry/Oleander/Calm Me Down/Simply Simple.... fuck it I just love Mother Mother as a band especially the stuff folks don't pay as much attention to. so many reasons from the sound of it all to ocs to whatever
8. I know this is also An Entire Band but. The Oh Hellos. Just... all of it. so good. Special shoutout to Torches particularly, one of my faves.
9. Icarus by Bastille | oc reasons. A weasel of a man gets what he deserves and an abused thug finally breaks her chains
10. okay alright another band, AJJ has done a lot for me over the years. it's absolutely comfort music, fits right into my folk punk tastes. sean bonette really inspires me to make my own music as well, he seems like a real sweet fella. especially when he was doin' covers of songs that inspire him on his little livestream series. I recommend Hate, Rain on Me...Darkest Heart...Sense, Sensibility...White Face Black Eyes...Personal Space Invader...Disposable Everything (which is new!). Shout out to anyone else who needed to hear that things were unfair in the world and you weren't just being too sensitive about it!
phew that was fun! no pressure if you don't wanna do this but here goes: @picean-prince @acewarden & @zadea
ooo excuse to share tunes for a Put My "On Repeat" Playlist On Shuffle & Post 10 Songs That Come Up tag game that I saw my friend @stmichaelthearchangel do!
Motto by NF | swag & so is the rest of the album
All Outta Oil by Istasha (feat. Depth Strida) | Istasha got like a really vibin' deep rumbly voice that I enjoy
Running by NF | LMAO ok another one from said album.. sobbing and crying, this one hits hard 😭
Dope In My Fuckin' Head by Ghostface Playa | actually I just realized my On Repeat playlist is literally like 70% songs from my ROOT playlist lmaooo I got phonk brainrot
OBSESSED by shinki21 | can't better describe how I feel about this song other than the title itself <3
TIME'S UP by Dxrk ダーク (feat. Jake OHM) | this one is a nice bop
WRONG CHOICE by BXNOSTOWN (feat. Nixk) | the bass in this go brrrrr
NOT ENOUGH MANA by HAARPER | this one is more chill compared to the others..... maybe i'm just saying that bc there's some piano in there lmaoo
CLASH! by Oliver C Beats | oh boy! another phonk tune
Your Blood by Nothing By Thieves | WHAT A TURN OF EVENTS THE PHONK STREAK IS OVER!! anyway, love this song the buildup from like 2:30 to 3:08 rly sends home the vocals coming after that point it's literally my favorite part for real
Tagging uhhhh @limecircles @spearxwind @shrapnarl & @sleepvines! No pressure and such, I honestly am just gazing for tunes if y'all wanna share any (wouldn't even have to be limited to a playlist, just tunes y'all be vibing with if y'all have any :p )
anyone else feel free to do this! feel free to tag me I love listening to tunes always
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Hey Theo! Really excited to see your captain Alcina post and all the naughty stuff sent in for kinktober, so I wanna start this off kinda sweet and wholesome.
Ladies favorite candy(yours and your partner’s included if your ok with it. Mine is butterfingers and Twix ice cream bars)
Favorite seasonal treat(mine is apple cider from hubers winery).
Hope you have a safe and fun Spooky Season!
Hello, dear 😊 I'm glad you're looking forward to it! It's just about done lol Just waiting for the motivation for the last scene to kick in 😅
But alright! Let's do this 👻
***
Alcina: Favorite Candy: Alcina's not one for most candies, but the Countess will never say no to some finely made dark chocolate. And if she's in the mood for something extra decadent, she'll gladly indulge in some imported cherry cordials. Favorite Seasonal Treat: I don't think it's a surprise to anyone that the Lady's favorite treat is her homemade seasonal wine 🍷
Bela: Favorite Candy: Much like her Mother, the eldest Dimitrescu is not overly big on sweets. She tends to go for more simple candies - peppermints, fruit slices and old fashioned ribbon candy being her favorites. Favorite Seasonal Treat: Pumpkin pie, especially traditional Moldovian ones 🎃🥧
Cass: Favorite Candy: The middle daughter loves anything sour. Lemonheads.. sour gummies.. the more sour the better. Her particular favorite being a candy called War Heads. Favorite Seasonal Treat: Unlike Alcina, Cass's favorite Seasonal treat is a spiced apple mead that only comes around in September and October 🍯🍂
Daniela: Favorite Candy: Needless to say, the youngest loves sweets entirely too much! So much so, that she would have a different answer of what her favorite was on any given day. She's always up for a packet of pop rocks, though! Favorite Seasonal Treat: Much to her family's dismay, Dani loves candy corn! 💥✨
Donna: Favorite Candy: Donna usually prefers to make her own candy. Her famous strawberry compote delicious surrounded by any type of chocolate. She does have a fondness for a certain amaretto trouffle that Alcina gets for her every Christmas, though. Favorite Seasonal Treat: Homemade pumpkin caramel affogato 🎃🍦
Sal: Favorite Candy: Sal is a fucking whore for gummy candies! But she will go absolutely primal over some gummy sharks. She finds them both humerous and delicious. Favorite Seasonal Treat: She loves, loves, loves to make her own pumpkin cupcakes each fall! Especially with a fresh cream icing 🦈🧁
Miranda: Favorite Candy: Fucking hot balls. Straight up, no buffer. Favorite Seasonal Treat: She finds anything pumpkin flavored repulsive. She may occasionally have some hot apple tea made for her, but that's about as festive as she gets 🔥🍵
And as requested!
Me: Favorite Candy: This is hard because I'm a slut for candy 😅 But here we go.. sour patch kids strawberries, Twizzler pull n' peels, old fashioned (soft) red licorice, neon gummy worms, tootsie rolls, and caramel m&ms. Favorite Seasonal Treat: Brach's mallowcreme pumpkins, Little Debbie's pumpkin delights, warm apple cider, and Cheeto's Bag of Bones!
My Partner's: Favorite Candy: (keep in mind, they're from Germany) Happy Hippos, crumbling fudge, and sherbert lemon. Favorite Seasonal Treat: Federweißer (basically a sightly alcoholic, lightly carbonated fruit juice that only comes out at the end of September/beginning of October in parts of Germany)
This was fun, dear! Thanks for requesting it! 😊♥️
#depravity answered#hoodedkitten144#resident evil village#alcina dimitrescu#lady alcina dimitrescu#bela dimitrescu#cassandra dimitrescu#daniela dimitrescu#donna beneviento#genderbent sal#mother miranda#demonofpuns#kinktober#softober#this was so wholesome and fun 😊#halloween 🎃#re8 headcanons#re8 asks
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how the wvba reacts to someone being a Karen/harassing them: go
Mac: Very Non-Confrontational. Doesn't say much, just politely asks to be left alone. If he isn't left alone, or is being threatened, he'll just walk off.
Doc: Straight up just walks off. Alike his trainee, he isn't super confrontational. Although, he will not hesitate to tell them to "Just fuck off."
Joseph: He doesn't super enjoy being harassed, believe it or not. He walks off, and if he is followed, he'll just walk into an empty room or bathroom, lock the door, and just stand there until they just walk away. He will not hesitate to curse them out, though. He likes seeing the Karens get annoyed at him speaking in french. Telling him that "this is America, speak English."
""C'est l'Amérique, tu dois parler anglais ?" Malheureusement, garce, je ne suis pas très douée pour parler anglais. Cependant, je sais ceci. Tu dois sérieusement t'éloigner de moi et de mes amis. Tu peux emmener ton cul de salope loin de moi, ou nous allons avoir un problème." With the nicest smile ever.
Von Kaiser: "Bitte gehen Sie weg, danke."
Disco: Just turns his music all the way up. He don't wanna hear it. Don't bother him.
Hippo: Burps in their face and walks off.
Hondo: He very much so believes in peace. He originally just says "ありがとうございました。でも、今すぐにはお話できません。" When they bust out the "This is America, speak English," he says "さようなら." and walks off.
Hugger: He does not take bullshit lightly. He just gets straight in their face and says go away.
Tiger: Takes wholly advantage of the fact that his second language is, in fact, English. "Thank you, but I do not care."
Don: Just an immediate "No." He doesn't want to deal with their garbage.
Aran: A completely aggressive response. "Nah, Fuck off, c**t." If they gasp in surprise, their fault. Don't annoy the Irish, lesson-fucking-learned.
Soda: Soda in the eyes. Don't fuck with the Russians.
Bull: Anger issues. Alike Aran. "Siktir git." Starts getting really scream-y.
Macho: Deals with this all the fucking time. Is quiet and as polite as he can, if they start recording, repeat the problem, threats start to come up? Leave.
Sandman: Alike Macho. Being a Big Black dude, he gets a lotta racist Karens. Mostly telling him that he's disgusting and that "all lives matter". Just walks off. Calls them an asshole once or twice.
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2, 13, 29 thank you!
name a movie that makes you genuinely laugh.
You know what? I actually struggled with this for a moment. Not because I don't laugh but because I'm that person that laughs at everything. I genuinely just think the world is stupid and funny. However, me and my housemate often have "Bad Movie Nights" where we find anything under 3 stars. There is a movie called San Andreas Quake and there is a scene with a hippo that is so beyond bizzare that it had me screaming, crying, throwing up. Also - the scene is The Babysitter 2 where the guy is peeing. Guys -- I NEED you all to watch the peeing scene. I took my niece to see Frozen 2 and the bit where Olaf is retelling the story of the first film in a dramatic way? Oscar worthy. Will Smith can sit down because nothing will beat "At least she has her parents! Her parents are dead." I also like the usual comedies like Scary Movie and stuff.
what’s your favorite app on your phone?
According to my usage Spotify, Tumblr and Instagram. Which really isn't wrong. I think my Instagram Stories are the funniest fucking thing in the world. My Spotify is constantly playing, even quietly, in the background so that is fair. And then obviously this crap fest of an app.
what’s your favorite word, in any language?
Fuck. I wish--I really, genuinely, honestly wish--it could be something deep and meaningful. Like serendipity or idyllic. Something that really tugs deep at feelings and shit. But fuck is that word. She girlbosses, gaslights and gatekeeps day in and day out. You've had a bad day? Fuck, man. You've had a good day? Fuck yeah! You hit your toe? Ah, fuck! You're annoyed at someone? Fuck off. You can be as fuck as you wanna be. Lonely as fuck. Happy as fuck. Hungry as fuck. You can be fucking as much as you want. Fucking him. Fucking her. Fucking idiots. Just love it.
shes on nights again. ask me some stuff.
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Shitposts 2.0
"The void is always screaming" "The fuck did I just say with my mouth" "I love this lipstick. It looks like the fuckin blood of my enemies" "I need more hands than this" "I need more lungs than this. A plethora of lungs." "It smells like aggressively fall over here." "I see the dicks are coming along nicely. Ah, yes. freshly cropped penises." "Do you wanna cuddle or not, bitch" "Its not my birthday but I'm enjoying the cake" "what's on your shirt? It's like black" "well sORRY my depressions soaking through" "*gasp* I could fuck a squash" "Oh ok. Loud sobbing" "Did you say 'mild sobbing'?" "No, but that sounds better anyway." " My tea is lukewarm and I am Suffering™" "Oh no he's peeing Please stop I can hear you peeing Oh nooo he pissed on the desk ew its warmm" "Im adding slight accents of crackle" "Person: so, what do you do for a living Me: usually cry. what about you" "I just gotta work through some shit. In a car. Going 80. Down a dead end road." "Woahh it glitched out and there are tWO loading signs! That's my aesthetic." "Have you ever seen liquified baby shit?" "Sometimes you gotta just drop out in the third grade" "uGH people that don't speed make me mad" "This milk is sad" "My paranoia and anxiety are having children and I don't have any condoms to offer them" "cue witchcraft noises" ". . .and I am profoundly white," "I just had the best idea for a game. You take the game Hungry Hungry Hippos, make all the hippos Bruce Springsteen, and all the marbles are hearts, and you've got I've Got a Hungry Heart." " 'i love maroon 5 so I'm gonna be a music major' " "You have a lot to say about a lot of things" "That's why I'm a political science major, dear" "I told him he was a little bitch. I already knew by how much weed he smoked and how small he was" "Fuck off, bitter bean" "We can be the gay plant dads. And [Kadie] was our surrogate" "Just fuckin vore my piercings" "Screw the populous, let's go!" "My chimichangas are too big for this bathing suit so I'm uncomfy. I'm telling you this bc I just really wanted to say chimichangas have a nice day." "IN THIS HOUSE WE ARE EMO" "Why is Sharon ever screaming. She was screaming in the car earlier. For no apparent reason." "I'm giving up on life and becoming a nun" "Where's all this energy coming from are you even gonna be able to sleep at 8" "Good question. Here's another question–how hard can you hit?" "I am..I am a trash..monger. Its a thing." "What, are you planning on getting laid in Arkansas?" "Maybe? Were going to a forest. I'll find a way to get wood somehow." "..think my nuts just went up into my body cavity." "Are you about to-" "Yup" "Oh nooo" "Do you wanna try that again once you've swallowed" "(͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)" "Pacman was the original booty eater" "That's not a bathroom that's a pinball machine" "Tumblr karate - kicked my battery into the fucking stone age" "My hobbies include sleeping with the man who killed my family and rummaging through dead bodies" "I have things to do today no thank you death" "One day I'm not going to be a dumbass. Today is not that day." "Have fun dying in space, assholes." "Only because you're sick I'm gonna let you sleep. DonT thiNk iVE gONE SOFT-" "I just wanna die right now" "You what?" "I said I just wanna die right now but actually I want a taco" "What the fuck" "A quesarito sounds real good right now" -Lue "I'm a slut for tater tots" "Go up to your boss. . set fire to him. .. and take his money." "...spinal paralysis doesn't kill you, but it definitely doesn't make you stronger." "*gasps* I can fuck shit upppp- no wait I take it back I don't like this I wanna delete it" "You're like seven kinds of broken all wrapped up in one fuckfest. I enjoy you"
Shitposts my friends have said
So this is my first semester of college, and college kid humor is some of the funniest fuckin’ shit. So I started a memo of shit my friends say. (We’ve maxed out the character limit on two memos so far. I don’t foresee us stopping anytime soon. I’ll reblog this with new additions every time a memo gets maxed.)
(Said over lunch) “Bobcat urine. Its only 20 dollars a bottle”
“I just tune into Nathan and Emily’s convo and I hear Emily go "I just can’t connect the words ‘podunk’ and 'Russian village'–”“
"man i love sleepy time”
“it tastes how beige looks”
“Government is a societal construct”
“tear it down” “the sun?” “yeah. It’s all a social construct anyway.”
*runs into a chair* “ow, my appendages”
“Im taking a mental Saturday”
“if someone’s shooting at me, I’m not gonna be like, "oh, has america oppressed you–” (my professor said this)
"I need space to expand my diaphragm”
“we’re the gay frat boys” *high fives Nathan*
“Who all has a problem with my suffering raise your hand”
“Gay culture is Grindr without the sneeze guard”
"Gay culture is being nervous to make too much noise in the bathroom"
“Cracking open a warm one with the girls”
“Can we all agree to just shut the fuck up”
“I met god……….and she was..racially ambiguous. Just saying”
“The face noises”
“This kiddo. This buckeroo.”
“The sun is an Illusion. Its just the government shining a big light on us”
“Its half past a freckle, fucker”
“I just astral projected and a white girl took over my body. Her name is Brittany”
“Oh my god. This is the gods’ nectar. ..Listen I haven’t had water in a long time.”
“Hedgehogs are mood.”
“He did not account for the fact that I have no idea what I’m doing”
“You ain’t even a christian” “You don’t know that. I might be. I could be sucking the lords dick, you don’t know.”
"If you liked beer you could turn the saying from “sugar and spice and everything nice” to “sarcasm, beer and everything queer”“
"Spit on me daddy”
“Turn! ThiS WEEK, DEBRAH”
“You don’t get ants in a moving vehicle, Sharon”
“Eyes roll back so far they pop out, roll off the table, and win the Kentucky Derby”
“That shit snatched my pussy’s wig”
“I want like, 90s goth. But for you I want like, 2011 scene goth. And you others are pastel goth.” (Courtesy of my band director)
“Oh man I wanna live for this motherfucking cheese”
“Pancake. Pancake. PaNCAKE PANCAKE”
“I have a fuckiiing headache. Eeeeuuhhhh”
“I love big scarfing. God I love saying things out loud with my mouth.”
“I feel like I have shit on my legs; jk that’s my skin”
“When you want to wipe your hands on your pants but you can’t because you’ll get fuzz in the cracks of your fingers”
“Today I said suspishy instead of suspicious”
“My dick is gonna have heels”
“I could be 10% tea 90% creamer if you want”
“The pillow is half off the bed and just as sad as I am.”
“If i saw me…I would mug me.”
“I always felt that was what my penis was missing. A second penis.”
“What the fuck! What the fuck! Is that a vagina?! Is that a prolapsed vagina?!”
“If you think a human is bad, here’s some cow photos.” “…have you ever seen those frogs that like..throw up their stomachs?” “I can’t wait for dementia.”
“You would have more fun if you were less selective about what you put in your mouth”
“Personally I’d like it better with alcohol”
“I’m emotionally done with Monday”
“I’ll just walk up to my boss and proceed to bawl.”
“This is the real flavor of Jesus Christ”
“That’s the purpose of college now. To own goats.”
“I love those compilation videos of goats screaming.” (My professor said this)
“The begonias will have robotic armor.” (Same professor)
“Can we fistfight.”
“Since its October have any of you all seen Get Out? Its really good; it’s basically a movie about how creepy white people are.” (This one was again said by the same professor and I’m still dying)
“I spent time on this. Time spent with my neurons firing—wasted.”
“Pennywise couldn’t kill me. Wanna know why? Because my biggest fear is staying alive.”
“But I know its like, a dark black-” “"Dark black”“ "Listen bitch”
“You say you’re not poly, but I feel like siri is the third person in this relationship.”
#shitposts#college kids#college life#tumblr text post#tumblr shitposts#shitposts my friends have said
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