#i don't wanna be in a depression slump i fucking hate those

[dariasonlinedairy]

I just drank my coffee (it is almost midnight) and it was so delicious i love life now again I'm not depressive anymore (at least not now) 🤍☕

[drifloonz]

Steven with a s/o that is agoraphobic and selectively mute and only really kinda talks to him. They also get paranoid about being watched.

FINALLY MORE STEVEN APPRECIATION ... i love glitchy but steven is always my favorite ( <- is biased and has way more thoughts ab steven... )

anyways okay!! ( also sorry for being picky and choosy with asks i just like to write things where i know i can finish them easier first when im in a Writing Slump like i am rn ). hopefully this is good anon :3c

steven with an agoraphobic and selectively mute s/o!

♡ i wouldn't say steven is also selectively mute per se, but he doesn't talk often unless emotional* or with someone he's comfy with, probably. very stoic and straightforward. due to this, he definitely doesn't mind that you don't talk much - you two probably just bask in eachothers presence wordlessly a lot... but when he hears your voice for the first time, it's a pleasant surprise regardless.

*( RE: strangled... and doors open lol. although those are probably bad examples since its a lot of him going like "MIKI!!!! MIKI!!! GRAAAHHHHHH I HATE PEOPLE GRR WHERES MY MIKI!!!" and also him saying numbers for some reason. which i feel is attributed to bad/stereotypical 'pasta writing so i usually don't consider that part of him, at least for the default current-time steven i write ( which is after all of his pastas and where hes essentially just very tired and depressed and antisocial and doesn't hurt people unless threatened or feeling a need to. my interp of steven was probably more manic in his younger years, which is the implication anyways ). he had an emo phase where he wanted to kill everyone then got over it partially its fine. i put this in an asterisk because i didnt wanna clog the headcanon LMAO )

♡ he's also... somewhat agoraphobic i'd say? but more in the "I fucking hate doing this" rather than the "I am so scared of doing this" way. obviously due to his reputation as Pallet Town cryptid, even if it's been so long that people've probably moved or forgotten him he'll never let his guard down in public. due to this, he's majorly inconvenienced by having to go outside ever which is the reason why he usually stays put in his weirdly large home in the abandoned side of pallet. he also doesn't see reason for going other places much, so you won't have much trouble with him dragging you to places or anything. the comfort of his admittedly worn-down home is enough for him.

♡ also if for some reason you don't like pokemon, or at least wild pokemon, take him with you in the tall grass. it's like having a living repel. realistically, they'd probably just avoid steven and pay attention to you, but it's funnier if he was just like. an anti-pokemon forcefield.

♡ nowadays he also has a low social battery in general, is very moodswingy as seen in literally everything he's in, and is also socially awkward and doesn't like to talk with strangers as much as he used to - which even in his prime, was more of strangers talking at him while he nodded. he's more of a listener. due to this he'll happily listen to you if you feel comfortable talking to him, and he'll nod or hum or make little noises to indicate he's still listening.

♡ the fact that you don't like people watching you is a little troubling to him, because steven, intentionally or not tends to sort of stalk and stare at you from afar. no matter where you go in his home, you usually feel like you are being watched... at least, that's what the barely remaining rumors of him say. he's overprotective over his loved ones, which is an obvious sign of that ( which worsened after the two... incidents ), but he'll try to get better about it around you. mostly, by announcing his presence or trying to make it obvious instead of wordlessly staring at you after silently opening a door or something.

♡ alternatively, if someone is watching you, or even just making eyecontact, steven will basically tell them to fuck off, usually nonverbally ( aka: glaring at people who look at you the wrong way or who look at you too long in general ). this might be More anxiety-inducing for his partner because you probably don't want him to cause trouble or anything, but he's overprotective and also sort of hates being out in the open nowadays too so its a natural defense mechanism along with his overprotectiveness towards you mixing. if you talk to him about it and have a problem w/ it though he'll get a little huffy but will ultimately try to focus on making you comfortable instead of making people who make you uncomfortable feel threatened.

♡ his general aura is still sort of brooding and sometimes threatening though and he's also tall as fuck so he doesn't even have to really put effort into scaring people to leave the two of you alone. they just mostly don't talk to you if stevens around you because he's just... threatening. he has an Aura to him im telling u.

♡ he'll usually hold your hand tight to sort of try and ground/comfort you if you two have to go anywhere publically. he'll try to get over his general dislike of going anywhere publically just to help you whenever you have to go places, if you do. ( he's usually also trying to wear a "disguise" which just means like... a black hoodie w the hood up barely disguising anything. he doesn't have much else lmao ). he'll also literally go out to places himself if you really don't want to. don't wanna go grocery shopping but need to but you are deathly afraid of going at that moment? he'll just throw on his ""disguise"" and go to the nearest pokemart or mall or something. begrudgingly, sure, but it's always worth it for you. just... just make sure to tell him what to get ( or do ) otherwise he'll return with way too little or way too much.

♡ otherwise, if you don't have any reason to go outside and are also afraid of open or crowded spaces, steven is happy to just stay home with you constantly. it may be a little depressing but he's been staying home for years and years at this point. plus, it's less lonely with you around now. you make him feel comfortable, and so he'll do everything to make you feel similar in return.

♡ i like to think the both of you get better with talking, but mostly just with each other. steven doesn't talk a lot so his voice is a little raspy, hoarse ( almost all of the time when he talked a lot is when he's like angry or screaming or crying in the pokepastas lmao ), and sorta quiet, but he gets better the more he talks to you. the two of you probably don't talk often though, being able to communicate well enough with gestures, expressions, that sort of thing. he does enjoy your conversations when you do talk to him though.

♡ he'll also compliment your voice and say that you sound nice and things like that. not to intentionally try to make you talk more, since he's all for your comfort, its just always a pleasant surprise to hear your voice to him, genuinely.

♡ i'm going to project onto reader bc im also selectively mute (??? i think thats what you'd call it) where i barely talk in public unless i literally have to or w/e. so, steven and you not talking much to strangers causes a bit of an issue if anyone asks you a question or tries to talk to you. steven will try to respond for you if it seems you aren't up for it but obviously, he's not a mindreader. he'll usually just shoo whoevers trying to talk to you two off, if neither of you know them. he'll always look at you a bit first to give you time to respond if you want to, and if you don't he'll try to do it for you based on just like. a guess. of course this means a lot of possible miscommunication esp since steven prefers to tell people he doesn't care about ( most people ) to go away, but it works out well enough.

♡ he also does sort of like surprising or scaring people, but he lets up on it for you when he realizes that you probably react badly to that sorta thing. he'll always make his presence known before he hugs you or kisses you or anything, and will also ask consent a lot more. mostly by opening his arms out or just pointing at his lips and tilting his head, cuz he doesn't want to talk much. he's really trying to be thoughtful and caring around you and it shows! he's trying rlly hard <3

♡ ... he probably is concerned of how you'd react to miki, so he tries to not keep her out around you. he'll usually take her outside if he needs to tend to her or anything. a part of him says you deserve to die if you didn't like miki ( his intrusive thoughts / s!3v3n / missingno / whatever you wanna call it rearing its head ), but he's lived long enough to probably go "yk what its sort of fair for people to be afraid of my fucked up dead pet." Only slightly though, he'll still get angry at you if you're like mean or rude to miki if you ever saw her.

♡ if you r fine with her though he'll be surprised but that'll make things a hell of a lot more convenient, since a lot of his day-to-day modern life is just 50% lazing around and barely taking care of himself or doing things arnd his house and 50% taking care of and tending to miki.

♡ miki as said in other hcs is like a pet that is rlly curious and constantly follows you so . Hopefully you aren't scared by her if steven lets her out. if you are she'll feel bad abt it and will whine </3

♡ i think he'd like to try and help you with your issues slightly by like... taking a lot of strolls during the nighttime. it's what he prefers since he's less visible and less people are there to possibly recognize him, and what you'd probably prefer since less people are out. he'll take routes with less people on it intentionally and just look up at the stars and the moon as he walks with your hand in his. it felt right. plus, nobody - pokemon or person - usually bothered you two anyways due to steven's presence, so you two just get to have some nice nighttime strolls. writing this made me think of the latios/latias soar nighttime version in the oras ost aurghghgh.. the soundtrack of u two having romantic casual nightstrolls &lt;3

♡ lots of your lazy days in will be spent cuddling on his couch in the living room or his bed. it's nice! plus he has rlly good hugs, at least after you tell him to stop gripping you so tight.

♡ congratulations your boyfriend will do anything for you. Do with this what you will <3

[miiserableee]

( POLAR MYSTIQUE ) ▸ QUATRO : ! ( tres ) / ( cinco )

scaramouche × fem!reader ! ( summary ) a short take of just how you two finally seal things with a finalizing label , with you being sober-drunk and him finally swaying to confessing himself ! ( mentions ) of reader always being drunk these recent chapters smh , scaramouche dealing with the aftermath , drunk reader ! low tolerance ! reader cussing way more than usual ! ooc scara ! very very ooc scara ! ( 5.4k words )

𖥼 , PUT FLOWERS UP AND SCREAM ILY !

THE , COLD is frustrating . welling up a feeling akin to the likes of it in him . he can't seem to shake off the idea that you were barely a few rulers away from the same man that you've told him , confessed to you so passionately . done something he hasn't even built enough will to do himself , how could that man one-up him . and besides , why is it that when you two aren't on good terms you're always either surrounded by good looking men or stuck sulking under a roof you say you hate when you're drunk . much drunk , like now . "Du-rayvuuuuu !" you lowly mouth and he sighs to himself whilst holding your arm tighter . his brow twitching and he himself , reeling pissed but there's nothing else to do now but have you slump by the passenger seat and driven home to finally sleep . somewhere not within ranges of men obviously in love with you , preferably .

"You stink ." he complains as you scoff , "You stink . . . more , scaraboobies , taking so fucking long . Am I not important to you anymore ?! Just because , because my brother ," you sniff , latching off the snot and wiping it on his sleeve . knowing full well that coat costs more than anything you can ever earn your whole entire life . "My brother set me up , on some , dates ! It's not like I was going to any ?! But naaaaaaaaur , you had to be a piece of eugh shit and get all mad at ," you were crying , though sounding more sad than mad , he doesn't say anything despite the amounts of punching you did on his chest . he's sure as hell better get a kiss or a hug after this . you seem to be more of an aggressive drunk this time . last time it was a depressed version of you brought afloat by liters of vodka and beer . he can't seem to figure out which is more tolerable .

as if he doesn't tolerate anything you do be it you drunk or not anyway . "At me , telling me to just do whatever I want . I wanted you to stop me or something , do one of those things you've always done . . . ! But you didn't ." you cried more , your legs jellying into levels more worse than before , as he scoops you by your waist to keep you still . "Do you hate me now ? After acting so hostile and keeping me single for all these years ! Do you hate me now ? Are you bored of me now ?! Huh ?!" he simply walks to his car , and he was glad you decided to shut up for a bit . he knew you knew the answers to these things you're so mindlessly spouting . he doesn't have to bother with himself and answer or do anything about it .

he opens the car door , and slots you inside , was about to slam it shut and get on the other side but your hold on his coat's sleeve have him looking back . "Are you , Scaramouche ?" the way your eyes dwindle and gleam , the pink scattered along your cheeks , the faint smell of you under the reek of gin , his indigos wasted no time to latch on it all . "Try and guess ." he says before he puts your hand away and slammed the door close . he notices how you simply stare at the door until he got in , when he started the engine , your head was pressed on the tinted window , your eyes blank at the road . "Why is Kazuha not here today . . . ?" you utter and he shrugs .

"Wanna see him ?" you nod , "Want him here ." he laughs , "I don't ." you shut your eyes , "But you're a lot more un-sweet when Kazuha was here ." he turns the curb , one hand on the wheel . "What good is it that I'm not sweet ?"

you mumble incoherent noises for a while , before you say more clearly , words he didn't know comes out from a girl of your kind . "My heart's beating races with horses when you're sweet . What if I die ?" you were drunk . he's sure . if you weren't , then he'd be losing his mind , or having a delusion during a drive . maybe he's the one that's drunk jugs of cheap beer . or maybe for once , he can fully say , that you ; the girl with that unfortunate steel of a heart , is actually capable of being shaken and torn apart . yeah , the first one is more logical , no matter which way he puts it alight .

"I'm not even sweet right now ."

"You've barely cussed , your voice is low , your brows aren't furrowed and your whole body screams ; lax ."

"I doubt that is in any way defining of me being ; sweet ." he had this short lived of a laugh , he can't tell whether you're being serious or not . the last time he checked , you were a talkative drunk , that forgets what she's spoken the next day of awakening . but that doesn't mean you didn't mean whatever it was you said that day . the feeling of being abandoned and lonely after your brother's engagement , he knew you were feeling that those days , all along . he didn't know you'd take up drinking though , he always thought you were the kind to keep your money in your wallet unless absolutely necessary , which was true to itself as you weren't really the one to have paid those countless filled mugs you've chugged down your throat's hollow . xiao did . ah , that guy , he suddenly remembers the way those ambers have glowed both at the sight of him , you , and you two together .

could be regarded similar as the lighting of the bulbs of light posts aligned parallel to your apartment complex . "Can you walk ?" your eyes flutter open and upon realizing the vehicle have stopped , you look at him with a look of discerning , almost studying , the way one of his brow raised as he took of your seatbelt then his , "We have to get you inside . It's late . Is your brother home ?"

"Scara , your voice is gross ."

"The fuck , Y/n ." he retorts and you laugh , hoarseness evident . if anything , your voice more suits the idea of being gross but there was no reason to speak of that , you knew already of the fact . he gets out the car and opens to see you just staring at him , all slump and with that look of daze that got him sighing . already exhausted , just with the knowing outcome of having to help you tread the way up those skimpy stairs . you live on the third floor of this complex by the last door there at that , for fuck's sake . the things he does for you .

"Hurry up , it's getting late ."

"Are you mad ?"

"No , Y/n . I'm delighted to be helping you up these skimpy stairs older than us and obviously more fragile than your weakass alcoholic tolerance. If it was in any way as stoned as your heart then truthfully , it would be more relieving ." he rolls his eyes and you just slap him by the chest again , lightly though . "How road !"

"It's rude !"

"Shaddup !"

"You shut up !"

arguing like children , maybe a part of the many aftereffects of the fact that you two have known each other since toddlers . if it was anyone else , he wouldn't have hesitated to beat anyone up to have even the courage to throw such vile words at him , but since it's you , he'd rather just throw vile words back . beating you up is out of the question , he can't even conjure up a simple confession . "It's not ," you started , as if the fact that you're crouched to the floor and looking so intently under a lifted doormat is in no way weird already , you look back at him and continued , "It's not here ." he crosses his arms , "What is ?"

"The extra keys ." you hiccup , the pink on your cheeks looking pretty under the dimmed barely there light of the street lights . "Don't you have your own keys ?" you blink down , "I lost it . When I was in Xiao's car , I realized I lost it . I think , huh , I lost it at the lecture , hall ???? I dont know , Xiao said , that . . ." he looks up the sky and was met with the ceiling instead , and here he thought he can sleep peacefully now after this , having heard you say that guy's name over and over again just struck his nerves to move his entire body down your level and to cup your mouth shut , "I get it , you fucking lost your keys . No extra keys here either . What do you plan to do now ?"

he holds on one of your shoulders and you just squint your eyes before they widened up , and an idea seemingly soaked up in your mind , ready to bubble right out of your mouth , "Lehmmeh chrash aht yhour phlaceh !" though muffled , he got the bare idea of your sentence which makes him semi-howl a "Huh ??? Y/n , I'm still part of the opposite sex you know-or what ? You intend for me to sleep somewhere else while you lounge at my place ?"

"Why is you acting like thiz the pers time I ever slept in your place ?????"

"Your first time drunk ."

"I'm sleepy , Sca , Scum ! Petty , selfish scum !"

"This woman—fine ! You're sleeping on the couch though !"

assisting you back at the car , true enough the chances of anything happening is higher now , with you staying at his place not for studying for exams or just because of some movie marathon , but still . it felt strangely inappropriate to have you at his place , all drunk and out of it .

"I'm hungry . I can eat a bEAAAAAAaaaaaar . . . !" you slam hands at the dashboard and he simply turns to the road path of the convenience store . he parks , for the umpteenth time this day and says nothing until he's gotten his seat belt off . "What do you want ?" you turn to him from where your hand suctions with his cars' tinted windows , with that delirious look of seriously ?! which he found , undeniably cute , smacking a palm at your face to lessen the damage of your unintentional attack on his unready heart , he spoke of an answer you most felt drunkly happy about . "Hurry or I'm sticking to just buying you some plain ass water ."

"I , I WANT CHIPS !"

"DON'T SHOUT !"

"But , you is shouting too ."

"Shush ."

clicking heard as he takes off to leave , he looks at you one last time , in which seeing you just tilt your head to the side and shoo him away with your eyes . as if to tell him to hurry and get your chips already . chuckling foolishly to himself , he does as untold . smiling sickeningly at the cashier whom asked for his number and walked right out with two bags without giving said digits . entering again with you already dozing off by his window and looking like you could sleep every minute away even as howling ambulance were to ring along the area as he crash his expensive car to some truck of some sort .

he wouldn't . getting into an accident is bothersome .

quite like he wishes he could say right now . finally at his apartment , he now wonders just how the hell he'll get you inside . "Wake up ." which you don't . you do everything but wake up . stirring and mumbling , turning and all that but actually arise ? yeah , no . though of course , he only sucks up a sigh you wouldn't even be able to care about . he carries you this time , on his back , back of your thighs secured by his palms , as your arms quickly circled along his neck , he struggled as he held two bags of foods you asked for , the struggle is real .

plopping you down his bed when he said you'll be sleeping on the couch , he had succeeded on locking the door and putting the snack bags for a bit as he huffs . hands on his waist as he begs for the night to just fucking end already . though to be honest , it had ended the moment the clock have hit 4 : 30 . it's not like he was about to complain again as he did see the time but he released an overdramatic groan and slumped himself to grab his taken off coat . it's time to leave this place and rest elsewhere .

but as soon as he attempts to turn and do as said attempt , your hand had left the premise of his pillow and latched at his wrist . "Where you going ?" you sleepily ask . you reek of booze , he closes his eyes . "Some motel , I'll lock up . I'm sure you'll be fine when you wake up , I'll just send a text or something that'll assist you when you're sober , so let the fuck go ."

"But , laaate , its dark as fuuuuck out ."

"I know ????"

you scrunch the side of your features and gave him a laidback glare . "So you maderpakening known ! Just stay hir or something !" you pull on his wrist for more measure and he clicks his tongue , glaring back , though he never pulls his limb you've held captive . "Y/n , you're a woman ! A FUCKING WOMAN ! And I'm a man ! Capable of things you can never at all permit unless not under influence of jugs of alcohol !"

"You think too much !"

"You think too little !"

"I'm worried about you ! You , you asshole !"

he wouldn't dare say he wasn't taken aback by such honesty , he looks aside and shakily sigh , "I'll be fine ." you shake your head , your hold on him shaking as well , "Stop leaving me all alone everytime , it's road ." he knew what you meant , but he'd rather act like he didn't . "It's rude ."

"Do you hate me ?" you sound less drunk and more whining . he says nothing as he stoops down the side of the bed and throws his coat by the single-seat sofa on the side of the small shelf . "As if you don't know the answer to that ." being honest and direct at the same time have long been an act overdue to him for you . he's never told you anything about how he feels about you , directly . he's never honestly told you that he hated , disliked you . it was always a vague kind of thing . too vague , like glasses fogged through cold days , never was the view in any way clear or straight , from behind it or in front of it . he's gone and veered you away from the idea . yet he goes and pushes you to it with how he behaves , around the men that obviously liked you , the men that deserved you , and even to you yourself .

"I kinda , don't ." you weren't drunk , he simply found it terribly impossible for you to be drunk . not when you're being this logical and sane , not when you're answering properly all of a sudden when all you've done was slur with your words from then to before now . as curiosity kills the cat and he's no cat in fear of being killed , he turns to see how exactly you could enter into his eyes .  how ironic it was that he seem to have forgotten to take in mind that you were always capable any moment where you could bring so much lax that the feeling of his mouth slacking into  slightly open lips , felt more natural than dramatic .

your eyes looked dazed , glossy , shining , aided by the sepia lights of his nightlight . cascaded was your entire being by said ray that you deemed more an angel than a drunk college childhood best friend . he wouldn't really say it aloud , something seems to pull his tongue to ever be able to . it frustrated him that someone like xiao could do something he never can , that some random strangers can compliment you way easier than he ever can . he had none to blame by himself . a part of him still found himself idiotic for falling for someone he had once labeled his rival . he can only ever acts to it , and though he had long believed that actions spoke louder than words , maybe that sort of thing never applied to you .

much like many other things never did .

he had gone and ignored the way his heart rampage , stood to get you a t-shirt of his . "Change , you stink so bad ." he said , already tossing the shirt to you by someway and getting his way into the bathroom to freshen up himself . "You stink so bad . . ." you mumble and he hears before the rustling that indicates you were changing then and there . after a while of self reminding to not or as he says to himself , don't do anything even if she acts like she doesn't care cause man you know as fucking well as i do that she does . he took a whole packaging of wet wipes before he went out of the bathroom completely . seeing you just sitting there with your bent legs by your thighs , your hair still a mess and your clothes already folded by the bedside drawer , topped upon one another . he wipes his face with his own towel as he drags eyes and see you in one of his shorts as well .

"Well , don't you have guts . Rummaging into my drawer like that ." you say nothing and simply look at him with those fish-dead eyes of yours . "Come here ." he says as he pats by the edge of the bed and you immediately go to him , wiping your face with one wet wipe , he goes on with his questioning now that you feel more sober . "How was your date with Xiao ?"

"It wasn't a date . . . Shut up ." you answer back , eyes still closed as he wipes your face fully . "Yet it looked like one ."

"Take me out on one and maybe you'll get to know what a real date actually is ." pinching at your nose with the wet wipe as barrier , he scolds your attempt of engaging with pick up lines , "Doofus ." he simply say , you tried to squirm from his hold as much as you can . he lets you go eventually . "I will , just fucking wait ." flicking your forehead like he would any other day , as if he hasn't said something that dazed your eyes tenfold .

"Why do I have to fuckening wait ?" you lean into him , your sloppy features looking half asleep , a state of yours he can't say he's not used to . "Because I said so ?" he shrugs , you groan . "Don't you like me ? Scaraboobs ?"

you asked this before too . the first time you were drunk . the first time he's met drunk y/n . you also asked this question , but your face wasn't calm , your eyes weren't closed , you didn't look like you're about to have your last time on earth with how in peace you were being . you were crying , weeping and sniffing , the question was the least of his worries when he got you in your own apartment snd sat you down by the entrance , as you told him to not go , and to not leave you , as that's the thing you want to not happen at all that day , to be left alone in that colorful of a home that was drenched in blue by you within selfish notions and emotions . you wanted him to paint that house a calming lavender , or a color akin to his eyes , something to remind him by , to surround you with . he knew of the unsaid wishes , even as all you did was sniff and look at him in a way he's seen you make a few times before .

when he said he had to go , you asked him the same thing . if he loved you , thought the nickname you used back then was scaraboobies . though the face you wore back then was sad and pitiful , enough that he didn't at all think it could possibly get any worse . so he answered , that he doesn't . he doesn't like you at all , and that you can pray to every shrine and god there is but there's no way he ever will . the way those words seem to not break you any further but to actually bring you together , won his stone cold heart's biggest crack . you blinked the jumble of tears away and nod , an oh leaving you within minutes and you shooed him out .

he felt hurt . though he did the hurting . he saw you by the campus the next day and he was ready to apologize though that's something he's never done . you weren't at all ever sensitive , and he wasn't at all ignorant of the fact . he never thought of the day coming where you'll ache with his words , or you'll think of anything by his meanings . maybe it was just his imagination that it'll ever come . as when he approached you , you were the same usual you . your face looking confused and puzzled when he asked you about that evening happenings and all you ever said was that , you couldn't remember anything .

he remembers how kazuha shook his head in utter disbelief when he turned his back to you to get to class and he let out the biggest sigh of relief . just treat her right already . which he ignored and dismissed with a i don't know what you mean , stop talking bullshit .

all said this and that , now is different .

he doesn't know what to say . no , he does know . the problem was that he didn't know , how . he should be relieved that you were the kind of drunk that forgets the events after not being sober , but he can't seem to lie anymore either . he opens up a bag of chips he's gone and grabbed from his way to the bed from the bathroom and opened up the package to get a chip and smack your mouth with it . "I do ." your eyes opening , the chip already gulped down , his answer entering your ears in such smooth sailing that your drunk eyes try to blink it away .

you still reeked of booze .

"Since when ?" if it really wasn't for the lingering of booze then he would've found you sober . "I can't tell . I just do ," he says , no more hesitancy , no more hiding , no more keeping it in . "Is that why you never let me give chocolates out when its valentines day ?"

"Why does it matter ? I give you the best shit you could ever want every white day anyway ." which was true , he still remembers how happy you were to receive those cute cellphone keychains that cost no more than a few dollars , as much as he wanted to buy you a pc set instead , he knew you'd just toss it into his face the moment he even dared offer it . "Is that why you stuck with me , even after so long ?"

your words sway , as you both just munch . as if the conversation wasn't heavy , as if it wasn't something you two should treat more seriously . "Well , duh ."

he doesn't really get where this was going . "Then why didn't you get all , saiyan when I was suggested to go on blind dates by my big bro ?" remembering the spam messaging of your brother about it , got him crashing a chip by his fingers to literal chunks almost nearing to being akin to powder or something . "Because I felt bad for always keeping you inexperienced with these things that your older brother found it logical to get you into dates himself ."

"You should've just told me you liked me then , smh ."

"What if you had rejected me if I did then ?" though aware that a part of you liked him , he's also aware of the parts of him that couldn't be liked . what if your questioning if he likes you or not was just to ridicule him of his long built crush on a person he's long said he despised ? what if , you were incapable of loving him back as he's loved you ? what if the chance of things staying the same decrease to such minimum that it amounted to nothing ? he wanted to tell you these things , once he's sure you liked him back . for someone with such big ego and self confidence , he loses all composure once he pictures you in his head . in more ways than one . hiding behind insults and cussings yet it all seeps from him , with the way he touches and hold and grazes his own limbs with yours , it felt pathetic to be this foolishly under you .

you who never looked at anyone in that way but him . you who never at all rejected any of things he's given . you who never seemed to have any sort of denial with feelings he's yet to unveil , but who does he think he is to think that way . he's liked you , he can't even remember since when , how it happened , what events pushed him to such conclusion , but he doesn't despise any of said emotions . seeing you smile became a daily source of relief , your voice always brought him nothing but butterflies , tickling at his guts . when you were around , the world was blooming . flowers of each kind , everywhere on sight . he had once believed that love was foolish , selfish , idiotic and a nuisance to boot .

he still agrees to such statement , but he's admitted that he's fallen for you . his love for you is foolish , selfish , idiotic and a nuisance . it felt blissful and it almost had him portray such heavy ignorance , but then again , who could blame him , we are , talking about you after all .

"I won't , reject you . I wouldn't have , and I never will ." to be accepted for who he is , to be loved for what he's shown , other people are capable of such feat he knew , but he knew he wouldn't have settled for anyone but you . no matter how much his brain fuzzed around at your current inkling , current looking and current everything . "You're drunk ." he helplessly scoff , a hopeless chuckle leaving him at midst of it all as he looks down at the sheets , staring at the way its all crinkled by how you've rolled and moved around atop of it .

"I am ."

"Don't say these shits then ."

"Why not ?"

"It'll hurt knowing you're only saying these because you're drunk ." the idea of getting hurt , he's never felt that way unless the circumstances had your name written all over it . you only hum , fully understanding him , yet again . "These are true , I'm not saying them because I'm drunk ."

how can he believe you when you reek of booze . when your eyes are all unfocused , when your face is all warm , when you look as if any minute now you'll pass out . he shakes his head . "You don't love me ." trying to flee away from the way a hand of yours have cupped a cheek of his . he wasn't near to crying , but it felt like he was . air gone and almost nonexistent in his lungs as he try to move away yet couldn't . no matter how light your hold was he just couldn't move away . yearning the way you held him so gently , like you've loved him all along . like hurting him is never one of your options . like you'd choose him no matter who there was to come . like you'd stay by his side as he breathes . like you'd never abandon him for any of his misdeeds .

"I do ."

"You're drunk , Y/n ."

"A liar too ." he looks up with what you'd said , his face looking more hurt than ever , you haven't even done anything . "I don't forget shits when I'm drunk . I remember things well . Yes , it is kinda hard to speak straight right now , but I'm as sane as I can get ." sure you were , he gulps down nothing . "Then why did you say you didn't remember anything ?"

"Because you said you didn't love me ."

"Huh ?"

"I love you , Scaramouche ."

it wasn't all that of a sentence he's never heard before . he's heard it more than a million times . said to him shyly , calmly or loudly , he never at all bats an eye . but when you said that to him he couldn't blink , as if he didn't wish to go to waste the face you make as you say such words that made his blood flow rise , his heart race and temperature go high . pupils dilating at how he leans into you like you did , as if he couldn't believe you said those things . "You fucking what ?"

"I fucking love you , Scaramouche ! Yeah ? You hear me ? Like I love you , not in a bestie or broski kinda way , in a way that I'd want us to date , to marry and to be together forever and never be apart ." you by no chance looked shy as you say that , you look at him straight , and as if on cue he lost his breath again . "You're drunk ." he repeats , the third time , and you click your tongue to drag his face by his cheeks on your palms to get him to look at you . "I am ."

"You don't mean this ."

"But oh , I fucking do ."

"Then why have you never told me at all , you fucking knew how I felt about you—" you cut him off with a loud denial , "I DIDN'T ! OKAY ? I didn't ! Never at all in this shitty life of mine have I ever steeled my guts enough to have ever assumed you liked me too ! Didn't you say , multiple fucking times that you hated my guts ? You said that thing when I was drunk one time too ."

you were crying . again . but this time , he didn't make a decision to leave , open the door and leave you there . "Yet even all those words crumble with how you act . You get mad when a guy comes near me and they obviously like me . You get angry when I'm sad , tired , mad or whatever . You smile at me so longingly when I'm doing even just nothing . You were always there for me ."

"That should've made it obvious then ."

you shake your head , bottom lip bitten , a look of pure annoyance in your eyes , drowned with tears , your face seems to melt as it all drip , "You dated other girls . Plural , multiple . Pretty , petite , kind and feminine women . You don't ever , tell me anything directly . It's almost like , you were just doing those things because it was an obligation , because you knew of my situation , you knew that I didn't have anyone else to lean on . How would I know if you were really just a softie , that I'm all special and not just someone you feel the need to care for ? You never tell me shit , Scara ."

"Because you also never told me anything , Y/n . You never have shown a reaction of some sort—HOW THE FUCK WOULD I HAVE KNOWN MYSELF ?! When to stop with the jealous play ? When to confess and when to relay anything when you're a statue unmoving and seemingly okay with everything ?!"

you move back , not afraid of his loud voice , he knew that wasn't the reason . he pulls you by your shoulders , he can't have you running away . you started this conversation , it's not ending with you falling asleep or running away un-sober . "I'm telling you , right now ." your voice hitched , throat empty , words came out like sharp sharingans and you were crying heavily . "I love you . I love you . I love you so much . I love you so fucking much !" you kept on hitting his chest as he held on your elbows . he guessed it always ends with you crying . "So tell me already , that you , piece of shit that I love so much , feel the fucking same . Fully , in a full sentence , with your own words , with your own , volition . Tell me , Scara ." he pulls you in for a hug , a gentle pull by the shoulders which you didn't take long at all to respond to . aligning your body with his and crying on his shoulder like a kid meeting her mother she's long thought was dead .

unexpected as it is for one like you to cry like this . it's more unexpected that he pulls you in for a rough kiss . clash of lips so soft , experience dripping with every push of his lips on yours and he knew you hated that . but you kissed back . his hands resting on your waist as he keeps your upper bodies elevated , he pulls away with a smile as if to prove to his world , to you , that oh , he's happy . happier than he can ever be .

"I fucking love you too ."

one last sentence , before he dips in for another kiss again . well deserved , after long years , finally , he's said words he's long wished he had . and you have no qualms with it , you even speak of loving him yourself . now , there's just one thing to hope all his barely there hope for , will you still be able to remember any of this tomorrow ? or at least , when you do wake up , sober and you .

SCARA-LiNE ! / WORK NAVi !