#i don't think that's how you spell that word if i'm being completely honest

[ghost-proofbaby]

It's summer for you, winter for me. Warm me up with strawberry fluff! As always, my muse, your muse, the one and only, Eddie.

Midsummer's night, because I don't have a lot to inspire you with. I'm thinking something cute but weird? Maybe some human body softness where Eddie is a bit of a freak and we love him for it. And we're told our bodies are lovely, even when they're doing weird shit.

I lalalove youuuuu. xo Rhi

RHI!!!! <3 i adore you. thank you for this prompt - i had far too many ideas for it, but ended up on settling for this one, which coincidentally feels like the most subtle of them all? either way, it definitely turned out being the softest. give me an eddie munson who just wants to sniff me like a dog. this definitely got a bit long but i hope you enjoy, my dear <3

the smell of you

warnings: weirdos in love? idk. i have a skewed sense of what is actually weird i think. mentions of death and coffins jokingly. eddie 'manhandles' reader sort of. not edited.

wc: 2.2k+

come enjoy a sweet summer treat with me <3

“Eddie?”

The entire apartment is quiet – too quiet – as you drop your keys into the old crystal bowl on the counter. The clink resonates through the air, louder than the soft murmur of the stereo static you can hear from down the hall. 

“You dead?” you call out again, slipping off your running shoes and tossing down your headphones onto the counter as well now, “Do I need to call the coroner?” 

Your tone is lilted, teasing with airiness as you continue to wander deeper into the apartment and head straight for the room you know Eddie has to be in. Like the waves pulled by the moon, there’s an incessant string tied around one end of your soul that connects you to his, and you follow it all the way down the hallway. The bedroom door is wide open, and you can hear his mumbled yell of a response without clarity before you even cross the threshold. 

You wouldn’t have even needed him to verbally respond to find him in this tiny apartment. You two could get separated on the streets of a bustling city, of a buzzing New York sidewalk, and you still wouldn’t properly lose him. It’s more than just soul ties and his gravity that keeps you pulled to him. 

Something unspoken. Something homely. 

“Sorry, what was that?” you hum as you spy him face-down in the bed, pillow muting him by the mouthful, “Say it one more time, and this time not into the pillow.” 

When he finally properly turns over, he’s a vision. Sleep lines folded into his skin and a bit of drool in the corner of his mouth, eyes squinting in irritation not at you but the sunlight flooding in through the bedroom window. Messy hair, messy shirt, messy everything. A kind of mess you just want to collapse into currently, curling up in all that he is from the day’s exhaustion. 

He’d mentioned wanting to take a nap before you’d left for the gym. Something about the summer heat draining him, trailing off as he’d rambled about how he’d probably thrive as a vampire. 

“I said,” he huffs, sitting up, the frizz of his hair becoming a makeshift halo, “If you call the coroner, request the comfiest coffin possible.”

“Why do you need a comfy coffin if you’re already dead?” 

“You dare deny me of being buried in tempurpedic memory foam? In my hour of need?” 

You roll your eyes as you huff out a little laugh, forcing yourself to turn away from him long enough to strip out of your socks. But just as you reach down for the pieces of clothing, you catch sight of the source of that stereo static flooding the room. 

Your shared record player, spinning a blood red pressing of one of your more recent vinyl purchases. The album has been played through, but the player no longer had an automatic stop mechanism, probably from years of use. 

The center of the record is probably scratched, and Eddie knows it, from how sheepish he looks when you glance over your shoulder at him. 

“Speaking of death,” you walk over quickly, purposefully, before carefully lifting the needle and cutting the static finally, “Care to explain why you’re burning scratches into my Momento Mori vinyl?” 

“I’m sorry,” he quickly apologizes, nearly flinging himself off the bed as he scooches quickly to the end, clearly fully awake now, “I put it on and thought I’d just lay down for a quick second, but then the bed was so comfy, and I thought it wouldn’t hurt to take a quick nap, and then…” he trails off, looking up at you through his lashes with big eyes already pleading for forgiveness, “I’ll buy you a new one. Swear it.” 

It’s impossible to be mad at him when he’s looking like this, inhumanely soft and easily forgiven, “You’re lucky you’re cute, or you really would be dead.” 

He doesn’t respond with words, but instead the outstretch of his hands, fingers flexing as he beckons to you. The needle rests on its perch, the vinyl left behind to gather dust for a few extra moments, as you go straight to him. 

When his palms slip beneath your old t-shirt and meet your skin, they’re pleasantly warm. 

“You were right,” you admit as his knees spread, delegating even more room for you to stand in front of him as your hand wanders to cradle the side of his face, fingers tangling in sweaty curls from his rest. Your thumb mimics his on your own skin instinctively, tracing a large arch right up over his cheekbone, “It’s hot as balls outside.” 

“Told you so,” he murmurs, smiling softly in satisfaction as he leans lazily into your touch. 

“You did,” you agree quietly, half-entranced by his relaxed face, no sight of pride in the room currently. 

He resembles a cat as he continues to preen under your gentle hand, and you almost expect him to start purring right before you find the strength to pull away, removing his hands from where they'd wandered to your lower back. 

One swipe of his finger along your sweaty spine, and you’d remembered what your original intentions had been immediately upon getting home. 

“Wai- Where are you going?” he’s seemingly brought back down to Earth the moment he loses the pattern your thumb had been tracing, the press of your fingertips into his scalp. When he reaches back out to latch onto you again, you take a step back, “Get back here-”

“I need to shower,” you laugh, shaking your head and smacking his hands away as he continues to barter, “I’m all sweaty and smelly, let me go clean up and then we can nap togeth-” 

“You can shower after we nap,” he nearly whines, finally catching your shirt between his fingers and tugging, uncaring for if he stretches the fabric. A small price to pay to have you close to him, “C’mon, sweetheart. I know you’re just as exhausted as I am.” 

You swear you meant to take another step backwards, but somehow, you end up back between his knees, “Did you not hear me, Munson? I stink.”

“Good.” 

He doesn’t give you any time to react – in an instant, he’s throwing his face forward, burying it against your stomach as you let out a gasp and immediately try to pry him away with far too gentle of hands in his hair. 

“Eddie!”

If it were anyone else, you’d probably be mortified. But Eddie just takes a dramatic deep breath in, nose buried just shy of your belly button, and when his shoulders start to shake with muted laughter, you can’t stop the smile from breaking. Your fingers are still twisted in his hair, still pulling back in an attempt to get him away from you, but he’s resilient. 

And all your faux resistance is weak in comparison. Soon enough, you’re back to melting into him. 

Only once you’re relaxed once more, no sign of trying to pull away again any time soon as his hands once more evade the space beneath your shirt to wander up and down your sticky skin without a care in the world, does he lift his face away from you long enough to breathe and speak, “I’ll have you know – I love your stink.”

“Shut up.”

“I’m serious.” 

“You’re an idiot.” 

“I’m your idiot.” 

The game of banter is cut short when he goes back to pressing his nose into your clothes that surely can’t smell good. No amount of deodorant or perfume could erase that underlying stench of sweat. Hell, the shirt is still a bit moist from it all: from the walk to the gym, from your workout itself, from the walk home. It’d been through the ringer, and you’re back to tugging him away from you. 

“I refuse to believe you like how gross I smell right now,” you reinforce, eyes darting towards the bathroom connected to your master bedroom, “I promise I’ll be quick with the shower.” 

“Baby,” he fights back, wrapping his arms around you securely, no intention of losing this battle, “You remember that time we went to the fair, and you were complaining about how you were sweating, so I tried to lick your face?” 

Your nose scrunches quickly at the memory, “I do, unfortunately.”

“You really think I’d be willing to lick the sweat off your body but be afraid of you smelling a little bad while we cuddle?” his shoulders drop as he looks up at you, head tilted, almost as if amused with the conversation, “What kind of man do you take me for?” 

“The kind that gets off on annoying me.” 

His jaw drops, putting on a fake look of offense before he dramatically throws himself back onto the bed, laying flat as he makes a fist to mimic stabbing his chest, “You wound me.”

You’ve heard those words a thousand times in a hundred different ridiculous voices. You’ve seen this scene enough to have it mesmerized at this point, down to the over-exaggerated pout of his lips and the lingering of the fist against his sternum. 

You never grow tired of it. You never will. 

“Need me to kiss it better?” you joke as you prop a knee up on the bed, following the same script as always. 

And he hits his queue perfectly when he lifts his head eagerly at the expected response, wiggling his brows a bit. “Absolutely. Doctor’s orders, in fact.” 

“Great,” you see an opportunity, and take it, “I’ll get right to it, after my showe-” 

You don’t even get the final syllable of the word off your tongue before he’s clenching his thighs around your own, knees pressing hard before he wraps his legs the rest of the way around your waist to pull you in. A squeak of surprise leaves your lips as you begin to fall forward, but Eddie is quick to break the fall with ease. Catching you with his eager hands, maneuvering for you to half drop to the mattress while some of you still lands atop of him. 

He has you right where he wants you, turning his head to be face to face with you, noses nearly brushing, “Unfortunately, the doc said you have to kiss it better now, or else you’ll be comfy coffin shopping.” 

“A fatal wound?” you gasp, nearly mocking him. It doesn’t offend him – if anything, his boyish grin only grows wider, “First, I’m smelly-”

“Again, I like when you’re smelly.”

“-And then I inflict a fatal wound upon my lover? Oh, how dare I.”

Slowly, all your insecurity of how you currently smell is simply fading. The entire ordeal has become an art of childlike, whimsical jokes – and Eddie is an artist. A professional at the dance, locked and loaded with his incomparable skill set equipped for disarming you this way. The ability to make someone feel loved, imperfections and weirdness aside. 

He likes you, even when you claim you don’t smell your best. And you like him, even when his hair is tangled beyond recognition and one of his socks is half-hanging off his foot from a nap.

You like him when he’s embarrassing you in public, tongue chasing after you with the threat of licking your sweat away, and he likes you when all you can do in response is a weak palm to his chest (that isn’t even making an effort to push him away) as you giggle relentlessly. 

You like each other on the good days, the bad days, the weird days. 

Disarmed entirely, you don’t even notice when his face conveniently slots itself far too close to your armpit as you two scooch further up into the bed. You’re more occupied with the way your legs tangle up, toeing each other’s socks off properly as he slings a heavy arm across your torso. 

“We’re gonna have to wash the sheets,” you mumble, exhaustion catching up as the two of you finally settle. 

He hums absentmindedly, nuzzling into your skin a bit further as he makes himself comfortable. “And wash away your sweet, sweet stink? I don’t think so, sweetheart.” 

“Oh, fuck off,” you laugh, unbothered as your fingers start to trail up and down his back over the t-shirt, smoothing out wrinkles along the way, “I’m serious. We need to change them soon anyways, I think I got crumbs in the bed the other night with those crackers.” 

“Bury me in the crumbs of all your midnight snacks,” he almost slurs, clearly drifting back off. 

You snort in response, relaxing and letting your own eyes shut. Matching all your deep breaths with his own, a million different last words crossing your mind to whisper to the boy you’re sure is once again asleep. 

I love you.

I adore you. 

I would like to spend the rest of my life with you, if you’ll have me. 

And maybe some of those unspoken thoughts slip out without you realizing, because he squeezes you just a little bit tighter, presses his face just a little bit deeper into your skin as his scruff tickles you. 

The only actual thought you can know for certain that you say, though, is, “Do you think they actually make coffins with memory foam inside?” 

To your surprise, even despite the almost-snores that had been escaping him, he answers in a heartbeat. 

“Oh, definitely. We’ll order two.”

[zweiginator]

I can just imagine Patrick telling you after you’ve come back from a date that he can fuck you better than any other man could. Like you want him so bad but just to piss him off you be a little bratty with comments like “whatever helps you sleep at night bud” and shit like that. Ends with rough sex in front of a mirror and Patrick talking to you in a condescendingly sweet tone making sure you apologize and say you were wrong

you went on a date with a guy patrick knows (and HATES). this guy is attractive, sure, but he's cocky and rude and honestly patrick wants to kick his fucking teeth in.

that was before he asked you out--right in front of him. he was pissed at him for going there, he was pissed at you for saying yes. but to be completely honest, you loved to push patrick's buttons. you loved how territorial he was over you. you loved the attention most of all. and truly--you loved him. more than a friend, you loved him so much it made your breath hitch. but he was a player and he was a horny boy and ruining twelve years of friendship was a heartbreak you weren't willing to risk.

so you went on bad dates and convinced yourself they weren't so insufferable. they didn't make you laugh like patrick. they didn't give you butterflies like he did. it wasn't effortless. they weren't perfect like he was.

you came home from the date late at night. it was almost 2 am, and patrick had been staying at your apartment for the past few days while his air conditioner was being fixed.

"someone had some fun!" patrick says, looking you up and down. the date was okay; you had a couple of drinks and made out in his car before he dropped you off--but it was nothing special.

but you would lie to him. "yeah, it was great. he's really nice. really cute too." you take your heels off and patrick shuts the door behind you, taking a swig of his beer. he was watching jersey shore on the tv.

you sit down next to each other on the couch, so close that the tension was uncomfortable; you knew at this time at night and after a few beers, patrick would inevitably pick a fight with you.

"i don't know what you see in that guy. he's a fucking prick."

you kick your feet up on the coffee table. "i don't think so. and he's a good kisser too."

you know that will dig deep, push his buttons.

he scoots closer to you, so close that you can smell the beer on his breath. "is he now?"

you nod, unable to speak. patrick looks angry. his jaw is tense, his jugular pulsing against the side of his neck and his lips are red and bitten.

"i bet he's a bad fuck." patrick pouts, pulling your legs off the coffee table.

this is a line neither of you had ever crossed. you didn't ask about his sexual endeavors, and he didn't ask about yours. it was easier that way. but he was crossing that line in the sand. and he was doing it recklessly, all at once.

"and it would be a shame to let an asshole like that fuck a pretty girl like you."

they turn you on, his words. how much he's toeing over the line. if any other boy talked to you this way, you would slap him across the face. but patrick has you under his spell. you're weak and powerless but hey--you asked for this.

"who is to say we haven't fucked?" you prod him more, push deeper.

patrick is hovering over you now, his thin gold chain necklace swinging over you, a pendulum, hypnotic. "because i know you."

"you don't know that."

"i know i could make you cum."

you gulp. "sure. every guy says that." and then you laugh.

you wriggle out from underneath him to go to the bathroom. your cheeks are flushed and your hands shake. what are you guys doing?

patrick knocks on the door and you let him in. he stands behind you. you look small and weak in comparison; you hadn't noticed how much he had grown, how muscular he had gotten.

he tilts your chin up. "look at you." he moves your hair to nip at the nape of your neck. you moan. "you're so pretty. but so fucking clueless."

"no i'm not."

"yeah, you are." he says sternly. his hands find your waist; he pushes you forward so you are bent over the sink. "you think i couldn't make you cum? i've thought about fucking you every day." his voice gets softer, sending a shiver down your spine. "for years."

you tilt your head back. one of patrick's hands snakes up to wrap slowly around your throat. he feels how fast your blood is pumping.

"do you want this?" patrick bunches your skirt up. you press your ass against his cock and his breath hitches.

you nod.

"use your words." he pushes your panties aside.

"yes, patrick. i want this."

"how bad?" he's getting off on this. on watching you watch him in the mirror. how hot your skin is, how your arms are wobbly, your hair wet with sweat. "and what do you want? i can't read your mind, sweetheart."

he's mocking you. his thumb rubs up and down your slit and you need him. you need him to kiss you to fulfill his promise, to be all for you.

"i need you, patrick. need you to fuck me." your eyes are welling with tears, and patrick groans at how wet you are.

and then he turns you around and kisses you. all you both can think is finally. his tongue in your mouth, your hands in his hair feels like a sigh of relief. he holds your jaw in place.

"open."

you're so obedient, you do it without second thought. you'd do anything for him. he would kill for you. he spits in your mouth and you swallow, happily.

"jesus christ," he pulls his cock out and ruts into you, his hands gripping your waist. he pulls you forward to stop your head from banging against the mirror before he has the idea to have you face it again.

he makes you watch him. makes you watch yourself, how desperate and needy you are for him. how good he makes you feel with just his cock. your legs are about to give out but it doesn't take long for him to make you cum. of course it doesn't--you're in love.

[salamanderst]

Part series?? Lmk

One of the girls

{Chris Sturniolo}

Warnings: pet names?? (baby(, use of y/n, mentions of sex (nothing happens yet!!) toxic!chris (sorry 😞 he gets better i swear) fratboy!chris kinda??, also i forgot to say this last smut but English is not my first language so i apologize for spelling mistakes!! lmk if theres anything else.

A/n: Omg I think I’m actually tweaking I’ve been putting off writing this because I think all my writing abilities just got up and left. So I’m so sorry if this is ass {it probably is} but erm let’s go!

Orange; Chris speaking

Pink; reader speaking

“So what do you wanna watch?” I ask Chris.

I came over to watch a movie, every Friday we like to watch a movie after he’s filmed with his brothers, but right now he’s acting off.

“Ehh. It’s what ever, I don’t care.” He replies eyes glued to his phone clearly not listening to me.

“Chris, hello???”

“Yea, yea whatever you say.”

"Chris im gonna fuck other men." i saw with a grin on my face.

he immediately looks up from his phone looking straight into my eyes. no words coming out of him.

"chris im kidding, now will you listen please?" i say laughing.

"yea, im sorry." he give me a smile, he paces me his phone so he wont go on it, i slip into my pocket giving him a kiss on the cheek.

“Thank you. Now what movie do you wanna watch?” i said snuggling up to him grabbing the remote.

“Ohh how about that new one on Disney that just came out”

___________________________________

We’re about half way through the movie and Chris goes to the washroom.

I still have his phone in my pocket, honestly i completely forgot about till i felt it ding. i pulled in out of my pocket to see a notification.

Who the fuck is Olivia?!

I put his phone down on the coffee table as I hear his footsteps coming closer to the couch.

“Hey babe im kinda tried I think ima go to bed, you wanna head home?”

I’m gonna kill this man.

I grab his phone from the table. “Who the fuck is Olivia. Chris?”

at least that’s what i wanted to do. But I’m too tried for drama right now. and me and Chris are actually good, i don't wanna start stuff.

“Yea sure babe I’ll see you later, good night!” i said forcing a smile walking to his front door, as he grabbed his phone and walked up to his room.

___________________________________

i never go to sleep angry, its my number one rule. and i broke it because of this stupid man whore who i'm not even dating, just stupid friends with benefits. but we agreed not to fuck or text other people.

fuck it. im gonna go talk to him.

i get in my car and drive to his place, its 9am but if he wants to fuck other women i can interrupt his sleep. i knock on his door as load as i can, i forgot his brothers also live there.

Nick opens the door, as im about to yell i see his face and step back.

"y/n whats going on??" nick says rubbing his eyes and giving me a look, i felt so bad.

"oh my god im so sorry, i didnt mean to wake you up. im just here to talk to Chris."

"oh uh.. hes in his room." he said gave me a wired look, letting me in as he went back up to his room.

i closed the door behind me and walked downstairs to Chris's room, i was hesitant at first but then i opened the door, i didnt knock i didnt really want to. chris was awake on his phone staring up at me.

"oh.. hi." he said putting down his phone furrowing his eyebrows. "whats going on?"

"are you texting other people?" i said calmly as i sat at the edge of his bed, honestly im surprised i didnt yell, my brain feels like its forgot how to.

"what are you talking about..?" he said sitting up to face me more, acting confused.

"chris, please..." i took a pause, god he was so gorgeous. its hard to be mad at someone whos this pretty. "be honest."

"baby, i am being honest." he said cupping my face with his right hand. i cant fall into him, i told myself repeatedly.

i brushed his hand off my face. "chris, i saw a text on your phone last night. from someone named, Olivia."

he was taken aback he knew what i was taking about. a part of me wanted him to deny it and say its some friend. but no friend asks if a girl is still at some mans house. it wasnt a friend, and we both knew that.

"i-im sorry.." he said in a very quiet voice, i was hurt that it was true. but im thankful he was honest. "its this girl i met at a party, but i swear we only fucked once." he kept talking but my mind went blank after the word 'fucked', was i not enough for him? was i bad, that he had ti get other women to satisfy him? i started to over think everything. what does this bitch do that i cant??

tears started to well up in my eyes when i heard his words. "woah, woah. y/n whats wrong??" he said putting his hand on my shoulder.

"No! dont chris! this is fucking bullshit, we agreed not to fuck other people!" i said in a shaky voice standing up.

"c-can we just talk, please...?" he said softly standing up. i didnt wanna fucking talk? who the fuck would want to talk??

"no. im leaving you're a fucking whore. i should've left before anything started." i said scoffing grabbing my bag and stomping out his room running to the front door, out to my car.

i started my car a drove home, i sat in the parking lot of my apartment for at least 20 minutes before getting out of my and heading inside. i sat on my couch, ill talk to him in a couple of day. at least it was only one girl right...?

[clawsmiic]

"If I'm being honest, no I'm not holding up okay."

Repost from other account

1.9k words

CW: Past Stancy mention, current Jancy, past feelings mention, and past/current unrequited love (both)

Prom Night, 1985

Prom night, supposedly one of the greatest nights of teenagers' lives. That's a sentiment Steve definitely wouldn't agree with, hanging out outside his own senior prom. He didn't even know why he bothered coming, knowing full well he'd see them together. Hand in hand, arm in arm, dancing to every cheesy slow song the DJ put on. As much as Steve tried to be supportive or ignore it...

He just wasn't over his ex-girlfriend yet.

But that didn't stop him from trying to be the bigger man in the situation. That's what Steve grew into being, the bigger person. No more being a total asshole for the sake of his own feelings. That's something Junior year Steve would do.

"Well, don't you just look so lively tonight." His trance breaks as he's approached by you, coming from the double doors of the Gym hallway not too far away.

"I'm not in the mood tonight."

Steve sounded both fed up and disgusted with your antics already. Even if this was just the first thing you said anything to him all day.

You lean against the cold brick gym wall. Feeling the rough bumps of the hard surface on your back and through your dress.

"Rough night, champ?" Steve sighs, rubbing his eyes, raw from a few minutes of being emotional.

"You don't know the half of it." Glancing over, he sees you for the first time. Admiring the floor length red dress, you always looked good in red. You looked good in everything, at least in his mind.

"Look at you, all dressed up and presentable for once." You smirk at his joke, making him chuckle and smile.

"I always look presentable thank you prick." Smirking to yourself before looking back at him.

"You look good in a tuxedo... Y'know, for you."

"Thanks for the backhanded compliment. Anything good from you is a rarity." You laugh, making him smile even wider. His eyes shift around the parking lot, watching cars pull in, and other kids come to join the party going on inside.

"What're you even doing out here by yourself? I thought you'd be in there with like 9 different girls trying to dance with you at once." He scoffs, fighting the urge to roll his eyes.

"You know, too many options beating down my door. Couldn't disappoint them all."

"Came stag too, huh?" He just nods in response, not saying anything as you both look up into the inky night sky. The only sound to fill the cold April night air was the crickets chirping and distant chatting of other students.

"Are you holding up okay? I saw them dancing inside and... I know the breakup was hard for you, so I just thought I'd check up on you..."

Steve let out a rough sigh, feeling like a complete idiot pining for his ex-girlfriend still. Being broken up for almost 5 months now. He couldn't let her go in his head, they were each other's first loves. At least she was to him.

All of that came crashing to a halt after everything back in November.

"If I'm being honest, no I'm not holding up okay."

"I know I'm not a therapist or anything..." You shrug, glancing back at him as you nervously chew on your thumbnail.

"You wanna talk about it?"

"Not really. I've been talking to Dustin for months about it and no matter how much I try I can't get past it. Like Nancy's cast some kind of spell to stick with me or something." He sighs, looking at the asphalt as he swallows harshly.

"Now we can hardly make eye contact for more than 3 seconds before she turns away... God, she must hate me."

"Steve, she doesn't hate you. She's probably just feeling awkward about everything and trying to respect her new relationship by not hanging around her ex-boyfriend. They're just trying to find their footing as a couple." You reassure him, leaning over to give him a squeeze on his shoulder. Thinking about what he said, you shake your head, grinning at the thought of Dustin.

"And really Steve? Dustin. He's like 14 and barely knows how to handle having a crush yet. He's never even had a girlfriend yet. I know he's smart for his age, but c'mon."

"I know! He's just a great listener. He knows a lot for his age, it's actually kinda scary." You roll your eyes looking at the ground, starting to laugh to yourself.

"What?" His full attention is on you now, a small smile pulling at his lips as he watches you start to laugh harder.

"Nothing I just..." You cover your mouth, snickering again.

"I just never pictured myself giving you of all people a pep talk... You're you for crying out loud. Steven "The Hair" Harrington." You grin, bumping his arm with your elbow.

"King Steve... You're literally the most popular guy in the entire school, and I'm... Me." He shrugs, crossing his arms over his chest.

"That's the fun thing. We're so different, so we can see our point of view while still seeing each other's... Plus, it's nice not having someone around trying to kiss my ass constantly."

"Yeah, I'll just kick your ass instead." You smirk, pressing off the wall, your heels click as you step in front of him.

"Look, I know it hurts now, but it'll pass eventually... And if I can be honest with you... You could do so much better than Nancy frickin' Wheeler."

Steve could feel his eyebrows shooting up in amusement as you got in front of him. For some odd reason, just standing there in your presence felt somewhat calming suddenly.

"Oh yeah? Who'd you have in mind then?"

"I don't know," you think for a second and shrug, "Farrah Fawcett? I think she'd think you were cute. Celebrity or not?"

"Farrah Fawcett? You think Farrah Fawcett, one of the most famous women alive, would want me?"

"Yeah! You're a hot guy, why wouldn't she?!" It's his turn to laugh now, shaking his head as he bites his lip.

"Where the hell would I even meet her?"

"I don't know! I thought we were talking hypothetically." Steve nodded, his face turning serious again.

"It's just... It's hard looking past Nancy, y'know. She was the first girl I ever loved."

"I'm aware, Steve. It's just not always the best thing to dwell on. I'm talking from experience." You bite the inside of your cheek and sigh. Nervous to be this honest, but if it helps get the point across, then so be it.

"Can I be honest with you about something?"

Steve looks at you, seeing how nervous you look to talk. His lips part slightly as he nods.

"Of course."

"I used to have a massive crush on Jonathan ages ago and when he started showing an interest in Nancy it killed me... But he's my friend, so I encouraged him. It killed me but I got over it."

You turn your head, looking up at the sky again, taking in the shining stars above the two of you. Feeling embarrassed about laying everything out there for someone you've barely gotten to know again.

"Took a while but time heals most wounds. So, just know I'm here for you because I know what it feels like... Kind of."

Steve felt your pain as you talked about how you couldn't be with Jonathan, and how that's basically how he felt about Nancy in all honesty.

Silence fell over the two of you as you both looked out to the sky, admiring the stars again. Steve looks over at you, feeling somewhat peaceful. Yet still wanting to ask so many questions.

"How'd you do it? Stay strong like that. I can barely be in a room with her right now."

"I talked to my family. That helped a lot... But I know you aren't the closest to your parents, so that's why I asked if you wanted to talk about it with me." You smile softly, lips turning up as you half shrugged at his question.

"I know we weren't always on the best of terms, but you're my friend and... I care about you."

"We're friends again?" His eyes seemed to light up almost, just like he was a little kid again. Over the past year he's felt like you two were bonding. But never wanted to ask out of fear.

Tension fills the air between you two. It's been this way since you two started becoming friends again. Going through hell together alongside the couple, Steve was trying to avoid like the plague.

"Well you know, when you nearly die fighting inner dimensional monsters together you tend to start caring about their well-being again... So, in a way, I guess we have to thank them for something at least."

Steve smirks before shaking his head.

"Part of me likes to think we'd be friends again someday."

"Who knows." You add, silence falling between you again. It's not long before Steve shifts, pushing himself off the wall and looking at you.

"So let’s say, hypothetically, that I was stuck at this stupid prom without a date and I had no one else to ask but you...”

"Mmm. Mmhm, hypothetically." You nod along, fighting back the urge to smirk.

"Go on."

Steve looked away for a second, collecting his thoughts. He takes a deep breath, turning back to you.

"And, hypothetically, I might need to spend our senior prom dancing, like my life depends on it, because it's possibly the last fun night before the rest of our lives."

"I'm starting to think you don't know what the word hypothetically means."

"Shush," he cuts you off, making you giggle before he continues, "now, hypothetically, would you be interested in dancing with me?"

You nod, looking like you were really thinking about it. As if you didn't know your answer already.

"Well, hypothetically," you play along, making sure to hold eye contact, "I might be inclined to say yes... If it wasn't a hypothetical, of course."

You rub your hand over your mouth, smirking behind it. He holds eye contact, faking a scoff as he stares.

"You're gonna make me ask?" You nod, tongue going to his cheek as he also nods.

"You're impossible, you know that?"

"I wouldn't be saying that to a girl you're about to ask to prom Steve." He chuckles, nodding. You got him there.

His expression shifts to a goofy grin as he sighs with a slight relief.

"You think you can survive the night without making fun of me?" He smirks, holding his hand out for you to grab, you smile back at him taking it gently. Giving him a reassuring squeeze.

"I don't know about the whole night, but I can sure try my best." Rolling his eyes, he pulls you into his side, lacing his arm around your waist.

You look up at him, your gaze meeting again. Taking in his deep brown eyes and soft smile brings... Old feelings from years ago bubble back up.

Your mouth opens to say something, anything at all. But the words won't come out as your heartbeat picks up speed.

That old crush you had on your old friend never really went away over all these years.

Or at least that's what you think at the moment.

[dsireland86]

Take Me First PT. 2 (Never Know)

(Prequel for Noah in The Things We Could Never Change)

"Lying Is Hard But The Truth Comes Out Anyway" The Grey

A regretful mistake, a car accident, and a baby. God didn't listen to Noah when he begged him to take him first the night of the accident. God had other plans it seemed; plans that brought Noah down to his knees cursing, crying, and praying. In time he began to believe he was nothing but a lost soul trying to find his happiness in the ugly world he lived in, until... she found him and began to return the lost parts of him, piece by piece, he'd thought he'd lost forever.

TAGS: @lma1986, @myownthoughts12, @xslavicprincess, @foliosgirl, @glitterydeputyshepherdwagon, @jilliemiw86, @sthnog, @lookwhatitcost

 “Show me you're better off without me/ Choking on every word you said, we'll see, we'll see / Don't breathe another word about me I'll leave and you can finally rest in peace, we'll see” -NEVER KNOW-

Noah,

By the time you read this, I'll be gone. You have to understand that it's better for both of us this way if I just vanish from your life and wipe your slate, your consciousness completely clean. Once you're finished with this letter, I guarantee you will hate me and loath just the thought of me. My name will become a bitter poison on your tongue and the tongues of those who will no longer be my family because of their loyalty to you. You'll never want to breathe my name, let alone any other words about me, to anyone. I'm warning you now, Noah, what I'm about to tell you is going to ruin you. It's going to break your heart so badly that you're probably going to wish you were dead. I'm sorry. I'm sorry I'm doing this to you, but it's the only way. You have to know the truth about what happened during those three days in Montana on that last tour we were on together; you deserve to know because it was the moment that everything changed for us. You're better off without me, and in time, you'll see. In time, you'll be able to rest in peace. 

Noah:

“I didn't want to finish the letter. Knowing she was already gone was enough, and reading it, having it spelled out in front of me would’ve only made things worse. But I chose to finish it anyway but regretted the instant I did. I swear I could feel myself slowly slipping away as her words started to bring out the worst in her that I never knew existed."

I rested my forehead against the back of her shoulder.

“I'm so sorry. I can't imagine what you were feeling. Being abandoned is hard, but the lonely place it takes you to is worse.” “You would know, wouldn't you,” I said while playing with her fingers. She leaned back against my chest while sitting between my legs. Turning her head at just the right angle, she glided the tip of her nose softly along my jawline that filled with a deep yearning to be inside her again. “Not the same way you do.” I shivered when her lips left a trail of soft kisses on my skin. “Read me more, please. I want to know everything,” she urged. I sighed, and even though I really didn't want to, I knew sharing this part of my life was important for us. So, I continued.

“Lying in between the memories choking me, and I don't know which way to go, but I'm okay to never know” -NEVER KNOW-

The night you told me the truth about cheating on me, it broke me, but not in the way you might think. I was angry, full of guilt, relief, sorrow, and regret that created a huge mess of emotions I didn’t know how to deal with. Running was my only option. I had to escape the pain of knowing how horribly I'd hurt you and you didn't even know it. Noah, you were brave enough to be honest with me about what you did. You admitted your guilt and how ashamed it made you feel. You truly believed you'd hurt me and watching the way it tore your mind and heart apart left me in agony. I wanted to tell you the truth then, but I just couldn't bring myself to, so I took the coward's way out and ran away. 

I called Jolly and cried to him. He couldn't understand anything I was saying, let alone any idea of what I was talking about, but he did his best to console me anyway. The guilt I felt, knowing what I’d done to his best friend just made everything numb and blur together. The way I was driving I didn’t see the headlights of the other vehicle in my lane. Jolly was still on the phone when I screamed right as the collision happened. That was the last thing I remembered before I woke up in the hospital. So, what is the truth that was too hard for me to tell you even though I was given the chance to say many times? Noah, I hope you're sitting down because what I'm about to say is going to be the death of whatever peace your mind had about me.

Noah:

“Noah?” Her soft voice calling to me made me lower my head and when her hand collided with my cheek, her touch brought me back to reality. The past wasn't real, but she was, and so was the feeling of her naked body against mine. Turning herself around so that her legs were on either side of me and her arms were resting on my shoulders, she leaned in and kissed me, slipping her tongue inside my mouth little by little. She was making me so hard and I knew she could feel me between her legs, pressed tightly against that sweet soft spot of hers I loved so much. I couldn’t control the constant twitching that was happening each time she purposely pushed herself into me either.

"She knew exactly what she was doing to you, and that’s what hurt you the most. I'm sorry she hurt you,” her voice whispered in my ear before she took a little bit of it in her mouth. “Ughh, fuck baby,” I moaned, squeezing her hips tighter and tugging her closer to me. “That’s what happens,” she said, brushing her breast up against me, her perky nipples grazing across my skin, making it scream. “You let people in and they destroy you. But I won’t.” She sat back and looked at me, the look in her eyes nearly making me cum. She had me wound up so tight that I swallowed hard when she pushed herself into me again and her warm, shaky breath washed over my face. “You deserve so much more than you believe you do, Noah.” Slipping her hands beneath the waistband of my box-briefs, I lifted my bottom up and she slid them down my legs, tossing them aside, retaking her spot over me. “I’ll give you the world, if you want it,” she admitted, laying her mouth on mine and taking my lips to hers as if she owned them; she did. “The moon, the fucking stars. Anything you ask, it’s yours. I’m yours. You can have all of me,” she confessed through a shaky, tear filled voice.

I pulled her way to look at her and my heart felt like it had busted through my chest. She had tears streaming down her cheeks, but the prettiest smile on her lips. I sat up and kissed her tears away tasting their saltiness. “I want all of it,” I admitted, brushing some hair out of her face. “I want all of you, but not just what you let the world see. I want all the broken, busted up parts too; the parts that make you, you. I meant it when I said I would fight the battle for you. I would, I still will. If I have you, then you have all of me too.” She started to cry and I pulled her into me as she laid her head on my shoulder. I fucking loved this girl in my arms more than I ever thought possible. More than the girl in the letter, and that scared me.

After a few moments of silence had passed and I was about to continue reading, but the warmth from her hand found my hard cock. Slowly she  ran her hand down my shaft, then back up, the grip she had applying the perfect pressure needed to stimulate what I was dying for on the inside. I laid my head back against the couch, zoning into nothing but the feeling of what her hand was doing. The faster she went the harder her grip became and reminded me of what being inside her felt like; heaven. I found her entrance between her wet folds and quietly slipped a finger inside her warm sex enjoying the way she melted into my touch and sucked in a quick breath, followed by a beautifully moan that filled the room. I felt her wetness coat my fingers, making me feel like I had all the power over her I wanted. The truth was though, she was the one with all the power. “I need to be inside you, now.” I ordered. She didn't hesitate to obey but instead shifted enough so that her pussy was aligned perfectly with my hard length.

“Noah, look at me,” she commanded and I listened. Her eyes were vibrant and full of something indescribable, something that I could never put into words; but I felt it and I knew she did too. “I fucking love you.” It slipped out before I could stop myself and I was scared I crossed a line. But her smile took that feeling away. It was genuine, and made me feel the exact way, if not more, I felt when I first saw her. “I love you too; all of you.” She pushed into me and took all of me into her and I watched her expression change as soon as I filled her. Her tight, wet walls closed in on my throbbing cock now buried deep inside her, searching for that special spot that was going to pull all the pretty cries and moans from her that I loved to hear. I gripped her hips, sighing once she began to move slowly, with her hands placed firmly on my chest. But I wanted more and I knew she did too. “I want you to grind on me, baby, ride me till you're satisfied. Ride me till you cum.”

That seemed to be all she needed. Soon I had her crying and moaning so loudly that she dug her nails deep into my skin, squeezed me tighter with her thighs, and let my name fall from her lips like a sacred prayer. It was beautiful. She was beautiful. She pulled my hands to her small breasts, indicating to me she wanted stimulation and I all too willing obliged her. I took each nipple between my finger and thumb, squeezing them until she cried. Once hard and perky, I dragged my tongue lazily over the soft, delicate skin, circling and lapping every part until taking it in my mouth. Her moans pulled my organism closer and I knew I wasn't going to last much longer. Luckily, I didn't have too. Her hands found the back of my head, holding me in place while she fucked me slow and gently and I got her off by sucking my favorite parts of her. “Noah, baby,” she didn't finish her sentence, but she didn't have to. I looked up, grinning at the face I saw. With eyes closed, she was in perfect ecstasy. “Are you gonna cum for me, Princess.” She didn't say anything, just moaned and nodded. “Cum for me then baby, let it go and give us both what we want.”

Her lips crashed into mine and our tongues danced as she came undone all over me and I quickly followed. It wasn't loud, it wasn't messy; it was just us, falling apart for one another together quietly. It was love making in its purest form and in that moment with her I realized the difference between straight fucking with foreplay and making love and how they were very different. We weren’t each other's first. She had a fucked up ex and I had many experiences that left me feeling used. But what she and I had just shared had so many emotions involved, ones that I didn't even know I could feel anymore. She pulled them out of me somehow and allowed me to willingly feel what I had buried away. They were tangled together, knotted and rooted in the dirt of my past. But, thanks to the beautiful human in my arms, for the first time in my life I felt the difference and wasn't afraid to feel them. She made me feel so fucking alive and I loved it. 

“Speaking in languages we can’t read, no need for you to spell it out for me/ Swallowed up and I’ spit you out, like a drug that just wouldn’t stay down" -NEVER KNOW-

Montana was beautiful, Noah, and the idea of visiting it with you was a dream come true. I'll never forget when you came home and told me that it was on the list of states the band was playing. Your excitement was contagious and the way your eyes sparkled and lit up your entire face will forever haunt me. It was one of the last times we were truly happy together. Those three days haunt me, Noah. They hold the worst, but also the best memories. So here it goes… the whole truth.

The first show day went smoothly; you remember I'm sure. We all went out and had a small celebration in that little country bar where Folio rode the mechanical bull until he bled… like seriously bled. I thought I was going to pass out seeing all the blood from his arm. The day of the second show, however, was utter chaos and hell. Everyone woke up late, the venue wasn't unlocked when we got there, and some of the equipment malfunctioned. You were miserable and because you were miserable, so was everyone else. I tried to help, but now know how worse I actually made it for you. And the moment you yelled at me in front of not just the crew but the guys too, I knew things were going to be different between us. It wasn't that you yelled at me, Noah, it was what you said that was the slap to my face. You accused me of being selfish and too self conceited to understand what you were going through, and you know what? You were right. I was, I am those things. And to prove I was, I decided to get back at you in my own way; the way I regret now more than anything. 

After storming out of the venue and turning my phone off, I found a bar away from the venue, away from every memory of you. I wanted you out of my head, but mostly out of my heart because I was hurting. So, the first guy who sat down next to me and bought me a few rounds was it. He was the one I chose to make my biggest mistake with. He took me back to his hotel room, which ironically was in the same hotel as ours, you were just one floor above me. I was too drunk to worry about anything, not even caring if the receptionist recognized me. 

Noah, I will save you the details of what I did with that man in that hotel room that night. It wasn't at all what I thought it would be, and in the end he left me hurting way more than when I started out. Not just emotionally, but physically too. Thankfully there were no marks on my body, yet, but the bruises would show the following day. I lied and said you did them to me and the look on your face was devastating. I felt like a piece of shit. Maybe I was. No, I know I was. I should burn in hell for what I did to you; what I said to you. You didn't deserve it. But the worst was yet to come when the events of the night you fucked some girl who wasn't me happened and you found out I was pregnant. Nicholas said at first you were too shocked, but when it was time for me to leave the hospital, Matt said it was all you could talk about; how you were going to be a dad and how you had so much faith that the baby would be the thing to tie us back together after your actions ruined us. It wasn't you who ruined us, Noah, it was me, but I couldn't tell you that. Not now. Not with a baby on the way. So, I kept my silence and avoided you as much as I could, using your cheating as the excuse. And I lied to you every day up until… well you know when. 

Losing the baby was never, ever the intention, that, I promise, you can believe. I never wanted any harm to come to my baby. But when I woke up last month at seventeen weeks pregnant in a pool of blood, I knew it was over. The lies could stop, the truth could come out and everything would be okay. Except it wasn't, was it? Losing the baby was too hard for you. It made you do things you regret doing and I regret watching, knowing I had the power to stop it all. I know the feeling of loss is still very raw in your heart. You're wounded and reading this letter, knowing I'm long gone, soon to be nothing but a distant memory you'd do anything to forget, is going to throw salt on that wound, but I think it's time for me to help you put your demons to rest. 

Noah, the baby…. the baby was never yours to begin with. I mean, honestly, think back to the first time we had sex after that fight. Think…. and you'll remember. If you don't let me help. You wore a condom, Noah and you filled it, but I lied to you and told you it broke because I was scared. The night I spitefully killed us in every way possible was the night I conceived another man's child. 

So, you see, none of it was your fault after all. It was mine all along. Did I feel guilt? Yes. Remorse? No. Not until now. Now that I’m walking away from you, I feel every bit of remorse possible, but it’s too late now, isn’t it. The you I knew and loved is gone and so is the girl you knew. And that’s the difference between us, Noah. You felt remorse and it made you so vulnerable. 

I hope the next girl you fall in love with is good to you. I hope she is never afraid of your darkness or the demons who dance in your eyes sometimes. I remember the time when you thought no one could ever love you if you revealed what lurks inside you. You’ve always been different, Noah, you know that and how could anyone understand that? But I hope she understands and is never afraid to follow you into your darkness so that she can learn to love the beast that’s inside. I tried to, but in the end I realized that sometimes, true love comes in the form of a loving demon, or a protective monster, or even a dark angel who sits and waits patiently for you to arrive. You are all those things Noah; and I hated you for it. I’m sorry I hated you, because now I know that you were the only one to ever, truly love me. 

With All My Love, Always, Sarah

Noah:

I woke up, flat on my back, head off the pillow, but the blanket over top of me. As my vision cleared, Sophie was nowhere to be seen. My heart started pounding, thinking maybe she regretted last night; the things we did, the things I said. Was it all too much and she felt pressured or overwhelmed? I started to panic, running my hands over my face, trying to convince myself everything was okay, but it didn't help. I sat up, looking around for my shirt only to remember that I'd used it on Sophie, making me remember the corner I threw it in; it was still there.

I needed to find Sophie and make sure everything was good between us, especially now that she knew the truth about me and Sarah. I needed to know if she was still willing to commit herself to me, to us, with this kind of baggage attached, but first I needed a shower. My stomach suddenly hurt, the anxiety nipping away on the inside and it felt like there was a giant hole in me. I needed to fill that hole. I need my girl.

Chapter 1: The Things We Could Never Change

[wonderland-smile-stories]

~ Chapter 10. 03 ~

I apologize in advance for any spelling or grammar mistakes and how poorly written this fanfic is. English is not my first language and together with my dyslexia ass things can go wrong I'm sorry.

I sat against the wall next to the closet door. I wasn't in the mood to be locked in there, but I needed some peace after what just had happened.

Because of the pain I took from the green blob monster, I felt so much better than before. The headache was gone completely now, which made me happy.

I was twirling the bloody bandage from my head in my hands while thinking about everything.

Why would Hyun-su react like this?

What was that guy playing at?

Something must have happened up there.

"Hey." I snapped out of my thoughts when Hyun-su spoke up.

I was actually surprised to see him here, let alone without that guy.

"Hey," I breathe out.

"Where is your new friend?" I asked with an eyebrow raised.

Hyun-su looked behind him before looking down at me.

"Somewhere."

I nodded my head slowly before looking back down at my hands.

For a few seconds, he just stood there looking down at me before speaking up again.

"I wanted to talk to you." My eyes went back to him nodding my head for him to continue.

"They probably have told you that he is just like us, right?"

"They also have told me that he killed his own men."

I watched as Hyun-su clenched his jaw before talking again. Now in a much colder tone.

"He saved me up there."

I narrowed my eyes looking at him waiting for him to continue.

"He told me that monsters and humans can't coexist together and after what had happened earlier with that green slime monster I agreed with him."

A frown came to my face before I shook my head.

"They were scared. You can't blame them for being scared?"

"What if they become scared of you and me in the future? Are you going to let them kill you or me?!" He snapped at me.

I was kind of surprised by him raising his voice.

"They wouldn't and you know that. Just put yourself in their shoes. What would you do if you were completely human in this situation, huh? Wouldn't you be scared too? Scared people do stupid stuff."

Hyun-su let out a groan shaking his head seeing that I wasn't agreeing with him.

For a few seconds, he stood there thinking before kneeling down in front of me.

"Ui-myeong he wants to leave this place to find more like us."

Good for him let him go.

He won't bother us then.

"He asked me if I wanted to come with him. Come with us, with me, away from here."

What?

Away from Green Homes?

I can't just leave here. Ji-su, Eun-yu, Mister Han, Eun-hyuk, and the kids are here? I don't want to leave any of them behind like that.

"Who's going to protect these people if we are gone?"

Hyun-su shook his head.

"They don't need us. We have been their hounds long enough. Let them do their own dirty work."

I opened my mouth to say something but closed it quickly.

I can't understand why Hyun-su turned against the people here. I know they have hurt him in the past, but they all accepted him now.

Not all the people here wanted to use him.

"Hyun-su." I started looking at how he was hopefully waiting for my answer.

"I can't. I can't just leave them like that. They are my friends. For the first time in my life, I have found some people who like me and treat me like I'm a human being."

"But you aren't human neither am I."

I don't know why he wants to leave here.

"Don't you want to be with me?"

I was surprised by those words and what they could mean.

Do I want to leave everyone that I care about and who cares about me to be with Hyun-su?

Do I want to leave my makeshift family I have created here?

I don't want him to leave at all. If I could I would go with him, but there are too many people here who I care about that I don't just want to leave behind like this.

To be honest I don't think Hyun-su wants to leave either.

I think he's just scared.

I know that he cares for the people here as much as I do. It's just that guy Ui-myeong who has planted doubts in his mind.

"No," I whisper with a shaky breath.

"No, if it means that I have to leave the people who care about me behind."

He was taken back for a second, but his shocked expression soon changed to his old emotionless gaze.

Without saying anything he stood up. This was not what I wanted.

"Hyun-su, wait." I stood up grabbing his arm, but he pulled back.

"Don't." He replied coldly.

"Hyun-su please, just listen. I don't know what that guy has told you, but it isn't true!"

He turns around to face me.

"He has shown me the truth about humans." I shook my head.

"No, not everyone is bad! Just like there aren't all bad monsters! Why are you believing this guy over the people here?" I tried to explain to him, but it didn't seem to work.

"The people who used and locked me up here like some animal?!" He yelled at me.

I clenched my jaw taking a deep breath.

"Please, Hyu..."

"Why did I expect you to listen to me? You're just as bad as them. If you had really cared about me you would have told me and everyone else the truth about you being a monster as well, but I guess you were too scared to be used and locked up just as was. You're just like everyone else."

I was too shocked to speak.

How could he say that? He knows that I wanted to! I didn't have a choice.

For a few seconds, he just looked at my heartbroken stare before he turned and walked away. 

The moment he turned the corner tears began to spill on my cheek.

Why was he like this?!

How could he be so cruel?

He knows that I tried every time to help him!

"It's odd that you choose humans over monsters."

My head shot up when I heard an unfamiliar voice.

"It's odd you would think I would choose someone like you over people I care about." I snapped back.

He let out a chuckle before he began to walk towards me.

"So you don't care about Hyun-su? The poor boy looked devastated when he passed me a couple of seconds ago."

My eyes followed his every move not trusting him one bit.

"I do care about him, more than you think, but I won't let someone fill my head with lies."

He let out a loud laugh circling me.

"I didn't tell him one lie. I just opened his eyes so that he would see the real world, why can't you see it? Don't you see that these people are just using you two? They would be dead in seconds if you weren't here."

I let out a scoff shaking my head.

"Trust me I know what the real world is. These people are my family and you don't know one fucking thing about them or me!"

He stopped walking when he was back in front of me. My eyes followed his hand when he grabbed something from his pocket before handing me a red paper.

"Are you sure they see you as their family? Aren't you a little afraid they will sacrifice you the minute they learn they don't need you anymore?"

With frown brows, I look down at the piece of paper before opening it.

My eyes caned the page reading everything carefully. It was a military announcement. They will offer safety and shelter if you offer them a special infectie. Someone like me.

"So are you still so sure about these people?" I look back up at him seeing him smirk at me.

With a clenched jaw, I crumble the piece of paper before pushing it back into his hands.

"Yes, now why don't you just leave? You don't want to be here and we don't want you here. Be smart and go before I'll make you."

Ui-myeong raised his brows with an amused smile on his face.

"Why? Are you scared I'll hurt your so-called friends?" My hands turned into fists seeing how cocky he was.

"You better don't touch anyone here. I'll make sure you regret the moment you step foot in this building. Now be wise and go. Don't take my threat as a bluff." The smile never left his face.

It only grew.

With his hands up like he would surrender himself he took a few steps back.

"Okay, I get it." He was about to turn around when he spoke up a final time.

"Black looks good on you, to be honest." With that, he walked away leaving me behind in anger.

Previous Chapter ~ Next Chapter

———————————————————-

Hey guys! Theirs only 1 chapter left and an epilogue. The next chapter is going to be long! I first wanted to split it in two, but I didn’t really like it, so it’s going to be one long one. I hope you guys enjoy it, bye!

[overandundertarot]

PAC; How can you heal your financial trauma?

Pick a pile (1-5)

*Sorry for any grammatical/spelling errors.

PILE ONE

Cards; 9 of wands reversed, The Devil. Pile one you are worn out. You're tired and exhausted and have been working on something for a while but it's draining you. The situation was not even clear, you were just keeping at it because you didn't know what else to do. "I've always done it this way so I should continue, people have always done it this way so it should work for me too." You've been turned this way and that way and you're mentally exhausted too. This is your trauma. The society you grew up in and the people in your family. There's the energy of always having to work hard to earn money. Struggling for money. You can't allow yourself to rest, and when you break down from the pressure and burden of it all you berate yourself for that too. Advice for you is to give into temptation, allow yourself to be seduced by your inner desires; get to know them, get to understand them and get to know what it feels like to loose yourself to the sensations and not think about anything else at all. If it feels not only exciting and new, but dangerous and downright scary because it's something you've never done before, It's the right thing to break you out of this shell. You need to get to know yourself and who you are instead of the worker bee you've been made to live as. Also something sexual related is coming through, work on your dark feminine, seductive energy. If you are interested in human design you may be a generator or manifesting generator. Inner change and alchemisation. Find out what you like by trial and error; obviously don't do anything too rash/dangerous that you would never be able to recover from. This trauma may also be affecting your relationships(you may have relationship issues) There's such a strong and intense energy(I feel like I cant even breathe) in this pile, I think if you find a away to channel your energy into whatever it is you really want to do, you could be unstopable. Symbolism : Webs; spiderwebs, preying mantis, carnivourous plants, birds, aries, mars, pentagram, occultism, galaxy.

PILE TWO

Cards; The Devil, Knight of Swords. Pile two you often get lost in your head. You find yourself indulging in fantasies and creating this safety net of illusion and comfort meanwhile you're not taking any action. I feel like you may accumulate and hoard business ideas that you see on tiktok/youtube/social media or tell yourself that you can do this and that but never take any tangible action. Gambling addictions and small expenditures that add up, you're not being honest with yourself about your financial situation and money is controlling you so much more that you would think. That's your truama, that money is such a big influence in your world and you don't even know it. You're being hypnotised and controlled by money, its sneakily around the corner influencing your decisions and you don't even know it. Worst of all is that its causing you so much anxiety and you've learnt to just live with it. I'm sorry if I'm being too harsh, but the words have to come out. It's not completely your fault, it only becomes your fault if you're aware of the pattern and choose to ignore it. I'm not getting too much about the source of this trauma but it seems it doesn't even have one exact source. It's more a product of living in the world we are in right now, maybe social media. Do some research about consumerism. Minimalism might also be beneficial for you. Try to discern if you trully want something or you've just been influenced. The way to heal this trauma is to cut through the haze with clarity. It's time to make plans, write down your goals and cut through the illusions to the core of yourself and what really matters to you. It's a time to be logical .There are actions that you have to take that you've been putting off. There's a deep fear inside you of not living up to your dreams/expectations. Take it slowly and start wih small steps. It's like wading through murky muddy water and then suddenly breaking through the water into crisp and cool air. Try to do a cleanse of the uneccessary things that you have let accumulate in your mind or even just clean your home. If you have a goal that feels too big and scary break it down into small steps. You can do so much more than you think you can, and make a bigger impact in your own life than you would ever believe. But you have to start somehwere. Symbolism; clear waters, rivers, lakes, sunflowers, light blue.

PILE THREE

Cards; 10 of cups reversed, 6 of wands. Pile three you have a dream. Something that you've always secretely desired but it just never felt like you could get it. It could be a happy family of your own, innocence in life etc. It feels like you've been the mature one from a young age, someone who had to grow up too fast. You may be an orphan/ lost a parent at a young age or you could have simply had a desire for a family from a young age. A desire for strong emotional connections with people. Your trauma with money is not so much connected with money but other people/ the world in general. You understand that money is a tool that can be used to put you in the right situations to get what you want. You view money as a safety net and may get panicky/ stressed/ emotional when you think you are running out out of it. You may be a man and believe that you cannot find love if you are not financially stable.(specific message). To heal this you have to believe that you can get what you desire even without money. You are someone who is charismatic, energetic, level headed and you have leadership qualities overall. You have to be optimistic in your outlook. You need to shift your perspective to heal your financial trauma. You have to believe that no matter what your financial status, you are deserving of love and affection. Of true connection and whatever it is you may desire. You could have imposter syndrome and over criticise yourself. You need to look in the mirror and have appreciation for who you are , what you have, and what you've made of yourself till now. Symbolism; moustaches(?) , fast paced cities, mountains, cancer(the sign), scorpio, capricorn, clover.

PILE FOUR

Cards; 6 of wands, The Fool reversed. Pile four you may be too arrogant when it comes to money. You may love to overspend and show off to your friends because this pumps up your ego. You feel you deserve nice things and may actually have the background to support your spending habits but this attitude won't help you forever and this is kind of your trauma. How other people perceive you based on your money. You are scared of being taken advantage of based on your money or people misunderstanding you and assuming things about you. You're always aware, always on the lookout. Despite being emotionally secure, other people's opinions and actions still impact your emotions greatly. To be honest, you need to be careful and start managing your finances and planning for your future. It may not always be so assured and abundant for you. To heal this trauma you need to put measures in place. Cultivate a feeling of safety as well as educate yourself in terms of financial matters so you are prepared incase of any windfall. You should also get to know yourself so that you may regulate and curb on your reckless spending habits and also avoid situations that money may not be able to get you out of. You may also be craving true and sincere friendship, and this will come to you as you work on yourself more and go down a path of self development. It may be beneficial to you to get a mentor/someone you can learn from. Symbolism; Gold, glasses, braces, spiders, knifes, eyes, peacocks, green.

PILE FIVE

Cards; Death reversed, 7 of Cups. Pile five you have a tendency to hoard money. Money has become a self fulfilling need for you and it's difficult for you to spend money or exchange it because it only registers as a depletion. As a loss. This is how your trauma shows up for you. It may go so far as you not even spending money on yourself because you feel it's unecessary. For example on something like a parfume or deodorant, or a type of food. Only eating the cheapest foods, wearing your clothes until they're falling apart because you just can't bear the thought of spending money on new ones. What you dont realise is that you are putting money above yourself. Money is more important than you so you would rather deny yourself for the sake of money. To preserve and uphold it. This is an issue with self worth and can permeate more areas of your life than you may think. Are you the type to brush away your problems? "It's not that bad so I can live with it." What you dont realise is that you are making life harder for you, accumulating stress and hardships that are completely unecessary. To heal this trauma you have to acknowledge that you have needs. Your quality of life can improve so much by making small changes; buying clothes that make you feel confident, eating food that delights your senses, using products that make you feel beautiful, fixing something around your house that could make your life so much easier. You dont always have to do things that hard way or deny yourself pleasure just to save some money. Allow yourself to have wants, to express your needs and use money as a tool to enrich your life. Symbolism; Glass bottles, slippers, sunsets, fish.

That's it! Thanks for participating in this pick a card reading. If anything resonated, please dont hesitate to give feedabck it's always so lovely to hear and motivates me quite a lot to continue posting. :)

*The pictures are not mine, I found them on pinterest.

[olderthannetfic]

https://olderthannetfic.tumblr.com/post/737064447605096448/i-really-wish-my-countries-wannabe-queer#notes

To all the poor anglophones who feel personally offended that my languages does not do well with words starting with X in this case neopronouns, I deeply apologize from the bottom of my heart that my language doesn't use English pronunciations. How dare we not cater to the English speaking world? Afterall, they did their best to make the entire world speak it, how mean of us. And that because of that you felt so deeply offended that we find the use of x-based pronouns in our language to be complete shit because they simply do not work with our spoken language.

Foolish was it of me to expect people to infer the fact that I was indeed not speaking of the English language when I mentioned the issues with the flow of the language, and how people actually affected have at large found their own pronouns, -none of which include the X-pronouns because they simply are not that well suited for our languages phonetics nor even the writing-, and the fact that I mentioned "My country" and "the flow of the language" which could have been a simple clue that I'm not speaking of an English speaking country. Nay instead you built a straw-man and got angry because you really don't like remembering that the rest of the world exists. For anyone who's not so super special and does realize humans exist outside the English speaking world. THANK YOU FOR NOTICING! Geez.

I honest to God should've expected to see some people with those bottom of the barrel arguments, because those are so similar to the arguments the dreaded "my countries wannabe "queer representatives"" use constantly, while ignoring how people using NEUTRAL PRONOUNS actually decide their pronouns. (Which you'd call neopronouns, because they're neither male nor female nor objectifying, so NEUTRAL)

As to how the pronouns like Xie/Xir sound, you would have to specifically pronounce the X like you would when reciting the alphabet, then leave a pause, and then you have a choice of about 4-5 sounds you can just throw on. There is basically literally no way to use any of the X-pronouns because the letter X isn't used like that in our language, and the combination would just lead to random sound thrown in at the end.

There is a reason why languages don't all share the universal same spelling for pronouns, because languages have their own rules on writing, pronunciation, phonetics and how to understand all that. Why would you ever assume this won't also apply to neopronouns/neutral pronouns anyway? Ok, then your neopronounsin the Anglosphere are X-based, do you really think those will work in every language and will be useable in every other language? Or are you just so used to everyone being anglophone you never considered that some languages will just not be able to use them? Do you also think everyone in this world uses the term "neopronouns"? Just asking while we're at it.

--

[rpstartersinc]

* 𝐖𝐇𝐎 𝐈𝐒 𝐄𝐑𝐈𝐍 𝐂𝐀𝐑𝐓𝐄𝐑?

feel free to change pronouns / wording!

— " fyi, when you throw a punch, you need to keep your fist tight. " — " you're not meant to say the word, that's the point of spelling it out. " — " we don't solve our problems with violence. " — " it's not my blood. " — " what happened was pretty scary, it's okay not to be okay. " — " inside, i'm completely freaking out. " — " wow, almost made it into your house. " — " you handled yourself pretty well. " — " i didn't shoot anyone, the gun just went off. " — " i've got mixed up with some bad people. " — " maybe i help you and then you help me. " — " i'm getting a bad feeling about this. " — " i'm not a worrier, but you have me worried. " — " if he finds you, he'll kill you. " — " i fell off the roof. " — " put the knife down. " — " i'm not putting the fucking knife down. " — " that man was choking you, okay? i was trying to help you. " — " you are turning into a right little gossip. " — " you killed someone, you're the problem, not me. " — " i don't need your fucking charity. " — " not your usual A game today, you're distracted. " — " i don't want your sympathy. " — " is this difficult for you to talk about? " — " there is no honest man who can resist the attraction of gold. " — " we do not pull the trigger unless we absolutely have to. " — " i reckon i could still take you though. " — " you're not alone. " — " having another living being rely on you for absolutely everything is fucking terrifying. " — " i'm a nobody, and i wanna be a fucking somebody. " — " i'm a terrible fucking judge of character. " — " i'm not police. " — " i don't like violence. " — " don't feel bad, he'd have done worse to us. " — " i can't believe i got fucking shot! " — " is that why you chose me? because you knew i was disposable. " — " your clothes were covered in blood. " — " i suppose either one of us is mistaken, or one of us is lying. " — " i haven't been honest with you, i've been lying. " — " what if underneath it all i'm just a really terrible person? " — " there is nobody that can stab you in the back quite like a friend can. " — " i don't have anyone else to call. " — " you really need to learn how to take a hint. " — " i think, maybe, grief is making you paranoid. " — " can you please not interrupt me when i'm threatening you. " — " i didn't meant it as an insult. i wish i did. " — " i was hoping you'd get the hint when i didn't reply. " — " if i'd known you were still alive, i wouldn't have left you. " — " there's no way that cats are better than dogs, i suppose we'll have to get one of each just to find out. " — " you need to stop moving. " — " stop treating me like a child. " — " you don't have to tell me anything you don't want to, i am a very good listener, though. " — " my whole life, it's been a fucking lie. " — " people are trying to kill me because i wouldn't sit down and shut up. " — " there's no point in stabbing me with a fucking fork, it's not gonna solve anything. " — " i can help you with that. " — " you're bleeding a lot. " — " i'm so sorry you had to see that. " — " you're a hard person to track down. " — " you're someone that would risk everything for their family, and the rest is just... details. "

[raayllum]

Thoughts about Callum's magic use in s4/s5 that aren't a proper meta but series of parallels/lil connections

First off is Callum casting aspiro frigis, one of my favourite spells we've seen before, but we've never seen him cast it before! I'm also intrigued by the size difference between his and Viren's casting of it, since while we've seen Viren make smaller (3x08, 3x09) they're both assisted by primal stones (the one in Callum's sky staff, the OG primal stone for Viren) so Callum's not being big enough to completely encompass the banther didn't make sense to me? However, given that Viren is aided by the primal stone and the relic staff (which is absolutely juiced with something wild), that difference would make more sense.

We also get to see more combat spells this season from Callum, which is exciting, as his previous one in S4 was just fulminus, so it's nice to see more variety (aspiro frigis, the angulus arrow spell, the lightning fist spell). Callum using the lightning spell with his bare hand given that if it didn't pan out / he got nicked even slightly he'd be corrupted is especially insane of him, but hey - you messed with his girl. Gotta pay the price.

I was also pleased/impressed with the misdirected Fulminus spell in 5x08, as it makes it clear Callum was aiming to kill Finnegrin with that bad boy, to be perfectly honest. Also fun to see him use primal magic without his staff for once, as his greatest asset is still that he can do magic without said external source like a primal stone or staff, relying here instead on his inner arcanum and the fierce storm raging around them. (And more sky magic during storms, please!)

It seems that Callum has prioritized memorizing combat spells as opposed to other kinds of spells, which makes sense - in a combat situation, you don't want to be pausing to check your spellbook. However, we still see him check his book to find spells, the same way he did in S4.

I think this is a very sweet sign of growth, as in arc 1 he didn't need to check as he only had around 4-5 spells he knew, but now there's so many he wants to verify / look for them when in doubt. (Probably smart, as messing up a spell or doing the rune the wrong way could have tricky consequences? Ficlets when). Not that he always knew his magic (or remembered his own words) perfectly, either ("She might've called me a fool" / "Who told you that?" "You did") bless his soul.

Can't wait to see what Ocean magic he gets to add to his repertoire next season, and how it'll be utilized in the future!

[mossyivy]

Hatred | '24 Alphabet Challenge

Steve Harrington x Fem!Reader

Summary: Prom night is supposed to be the greatest night of your teenage life... Right?

Words: 1.9k

Content Warning: Stancy mention, Jancy mention, past feelings mention, childhood friends, and unrequited love (Steve)

Prom night, supposedly one of the greatest nights of teenagers' lives. That's a sentiment Steve definitely wouldn't agree with, hanging out outside his own senior prom. He didn't even know why he bothered coming, knowing full well he'd see them together. Hand in hand, arm in arm, dancing to every cheesy slow song the DJ put on. As much as Steve tried to be supportive or ignore it...

He just wasn't over his ex-girlfriend yet.

But that didn't stop him from trying to be the bigger man in the situation. That's what Steve grew into being, the bigger person. No more being a total asshole for the sake of his own feelings. That's something Junior year Steve would do.

"Well, don't you just look so lively tonight." His trance breaks as he's approached by you, coming from the double doors of the Gym hallway not too far away.

"I'm not in the mood tonight."

Steve sounded both fed up and disgusted with your antics already. Even if this was just the first thing you said anything to him all day.

You lean against the cold brick gym wall. Feeling the rough bumps of the hard surface on your back and through your dress.

"Rough night, champ?" Steve sighs, rubbing his eyes, raw from a few minutes of being emotional.

"You don't know the half of it." Glancing over, he sees you for the first time. Admiring the floor length red dress, you always looked good in red. You looked good in everything, at least in his mind.

"Look at you, all dressed up and presentable for once." You smirk at his joke, making him chuckle and smile.

"I always look presentable thank you prick." Smirking to yourself before looking back at him.

"You look good in a tuxedo... Y'know, for you."

"Thanks for the backhanded compliment. Anything good from you is a rarity." You laugh, making him smile even wider. His eyes shift around the parking lot, watching cars pull in, and other kids come to join the party going on inside.

"What're you even doing out here by yourself? I thought you'd be in there with like 9 different girls trying to dance with you at once." He scoffs, fighting the urge to roll his eyes.

"You know, too many options beating down my door. Couldn't disappoint them all."

"Came stag too, huh?" He just nods in response, not saying anything as you both look up into the inky night sky. The only sound to fill the cold April night air was the crickets chirping and distant chatting of other students.

"Are you holding up okay? I saw them dancing inside and... I know the breakup was hard for you, so I just thought I'd check up on you..."

Steve let out a rough sigh, feeling like a complete idiot pining for his ex-girlfriend still. Being broken up for almost 5 months now. He couldn't let her go in his head, they were each other's first loves. At least she was to him.

All of that came crashing to a halt after everything back in November.

"If I'm being honest, no I'm not holding up okay."

"I know I'm not a therapist or anything..." You shrug, glancing back at him as you nervously chew on your thumbnail.

"You wanna talk about it?"

"Not really. I've been talking to Dustin for months about it and no matter how much I try I can't get past it. Like Nancy's cast some kind of spell to stick with me or something." He sighs, looking at the asphalt as he swallows harshly.

"Now we can hardly make eye contact for more than 3 seconds before she turns away... God, she must hate me."

"Steve, she doesn't hate you. She's probably just feeling awkward about everything and trying to respect her new relationship by not hanging around her ex-boyfriend. They're just trying to find their footing as a couple." You reassure him, leaning over to give him a squeeze on his shoulder. Thinking about what he said, you shake your head, grinning at the thought of Dustin.

"And really Steve? Dustin. He's like 14 and barely knows how to handle having a crush yet. He's never even had a girlfriend yet. I know he's smart for his age, but c'mon."

"I know! He's just a great listener. He knows a lot for his age, it's actually kinda scary." You roll your eyes looking at the ground, starting to laugh to yourself.

"What?" His full attention is on you now, a small smile pulling at his lips as he watches you start to laugh harder.

"Nothing I just..." You cover your mouth, snickering again.

"I just never pictured myself giving you of all people a pep talk... You're you for crying out loud. Steven "The Hair" Harrington." You grin, bumping his arm with your elbow.

"King Steve... You're literally the most popular guy in the entire school, and I'm... Me." He shrugs, crossing his arms over his chest.

"That's the fun thing. We're so different, so we can see our point of view while still seeing each other's... Plus, it's nice not having someone around trying to kiss my ass constantly."

"Yeah, I'll just kick your ass instead." You smirk, pressing off the wall, your heels click as you step in front of him.

"Look, I know it hurts now, but it'll pass eventually... And if I can be honest with you... You could do so much better than Nancy frickin' Wheeler."

Steve could feel his eyebrows shooting up in amusement as you got in front of him. For some odd reason, just standing there in your presence felt somewhat calming suddenly.

"Oh yeah? Who'd you have in mind then?"

"I don't know," you think for a second and shrug, "Farrah Fawcett? I think she'd think you were cute. Celebrity or not?"

"Farrah Fawcett? You think Farrah Fawcett, one of the most famous women alive, would want me?"

"Yeah! You're a hot guy, why wouldn't she?!" It's his turn to laugh now, shaking his head as he bites his lip.

"Where the hell would I even meet her?"

"I don't know! I thought we were talking hypothetically." Steve nodded, his face turning serious again.

"It's just... It's hard looking past Nancy, y'know. She was the first girl I ever loved."

"I'm aware, Steve. It's just not always the best thing to dwell on. I'm talking from experience." You bite the inside of your cheek and sigh. Nervous to be this honest, but if it helps get the point across, then so be it.

"Can I be honest with you about something?"

Steve looks at you, seeing how nervous you look to talk. His lips part slightly as he nods.

"Of course."

"I used to have a massive crush on Jonathan ages ago and when he started showing an interest in Nancy it killed me... But he's my friend, so I encouraged him. It killed me but I got over it."

You turn your head, looking up at the sky again, taking in the shining stars above the two of you. Feeling embarrassed about laying everything out there for someone you've barely gotten to know again.

"Took a while but time heals most wounds. So, just know I'm here for you because I know what it feels like... Kind of."

Steve felt your pain as you talked about how you couldn't be with Jonathan, and how that's basically how he felt about Nancy in all honesty.

Silence fell over the two of you as you both looked out to the sky, admiring the stars again. Steve looks over at you, feeling somewhat peaceful. Yet still wanting to ask so many questions.

"How'd you do it? Stay strong like that. I can barely be in a room with her right now."

"I talked to my family. That helped a lot... But I know you aren't the closest to your parents, so that's why I asked if you wanted to talk about it with me." You smile softly, lips turning up as you half shrugged at his question.

"I know we weren't always on the best of terms, but you're my friend and... I care about you."

"We're friends again?" His eyes seemed to light up almost, just like he was a little kid again. Over the past year he's felt like you two were bonding. But never wanted to ask out of fear.

Tension fills the air between you two. It's been this way since you two started becoming friends again. Going through hell together alongside the couple, Steve was trying to avoid like the plague.

"Well you know, when you nearly die fighting inner dimensional monsters together you tend to start caring about their well-being again... So, in a way, I guess we have to thank them for something at least."

Steve smirks before shaking his head.

"Part of me likes to think we'd be friends again someday."

"Who knows." You add, silence falling between you again. It's not long before Steve shifts, pushing himself off the wall and looking at you.

"So let’s say, hypothetically, that I was stuck at this stupid prom without a date and I had no one else to ask but you...”

"Mmm. Mmhm, hypothetically." You nod along, fighting back the urge to smirk.

"Go on."

Steve looked away for a second, collecting his thoughts. He takes a deep breath, turning back to you.

"And, hypothetically, I might need to spend our senior prom dancing, like my life depends on it, because it's possibly the last fun night before the rest of our lives."

"I'm starting to think you don't know what the word hypothetically means."

"Shush," he cuts you off, making you giggle before he continues, "now, hypothetically, would you be interested in dancing with me?"

You nod, looking like you were really thinking about it. As if you didn't know your answer already.

"Well, hypothetically," you play along, making sure to hold eye contact, "I might be inclined to say yes... If it wasn't a hypothetical, of course."

You rub your hand over your mouth, smirking behind it. He holds eye contact, faking a scoff as he stares.

"You're gonna make me ask?" You nod, tongue going to his cheek as he also nods.

"You're impossible, you know that?"

"I wouldn't be saying that to a girl you're about to ask to prom Steve." He chuckles, nodding. You got him there.

His expression shifts to a goofy grin as he sighs with a slight relief.

"You think you can survive the night without making fun of me?" He smirks, holding his hand out for you to grab, you smile back at him taking it gently. Giving him a reassuring squeeze.

"I don't know about the whole night, but I can sure try my best." Rolling his eyes, he pulls you into his side, lacing his arm around your waist.

You look up at him, your gaze meeting again. Taking in his deep brown eyes and soft smile brings... Old feelings from years ago bubble back up.

Your mouth opens to say something, anything at all. But the words won't come out as your heartbeat picks up speed.

That old crush you had on your old friend never really went away over all these years.

Or at least that's what you think at the moment.

[thedawningofthehour]

I really hope you are doing well.

Maybe sealed is not the right word, more like bottled, I think Donnie could have awakened his mystical abilities if he really tried. I don't see ninpo as the source of his power if not as an enhancer, in the sense that turtles have their abilities and what ninpo does is enhance them, almost like super saiyan, but with extra benefits, like creating weapons. Donnie has his own powers, but I think it has been established that mystic is pretty much conected to the soul which still contains the connection to his family, which is what Draxum's spell is there to suppress, after the incident with the mercenaries I was under the impression that even if Donnie manages to tap into his mystic abilities these would end up damaging him like a pipe with too much pressure.

To be honest, before finishing book 2, you said book 3 would be the shortest, which led me and others to assume you meant it would be the shortest in the series, THEN you said it would be shorter than book 2, which didn't contradict our earlier idea, I'm trying to find the posts, but Tumblr post search will be danm. Not to mention that every time I mentioned it you said nothing!!! .... 30 chapters.... * Goes to cry in a corner *

I have a theory that a lot of people find that when a fic is going to be pretty angsty these wait until it's complete to read it, rip off the band-aid in one go and all that, at least that's what I usually do, and I would do it with this fic if it weren't for the fact that I wouldn't be able to log in to the blog afterwards to avoid spoilers!

And I like your posts.

I checked my bank balance and it turns out I have more money than I thought so the urge to die isn't quite so immediate.

The reason the power spike hurt him so badly was because he overextended himself. He had no framework to put his ability into, no sense of how much he could control or even the presence of mind to know he needed to. In canon he knew roughly what was happening and had his brothers around to help him regulate, plus he knew he had to go rescue his dads afterwards and would need his energy. Here, he had no thought other than 'keep these creeps away.' The possibility of what he was feeling welling up being his own mystic powers didn't occur to him because Gale was pretty certain he didn't have any powers. And, you know, he'd been tased and shit.

But it is true that his powers are stronger when he's with his family, and even though he sees Cass as such it really is not the same. Under normal circumstances Draxum's expertise would actually be very helpful in developing his powers-but Draxum joined them in canon, so they had access to his help there too.

All that said, Draxum isn't too terribly bothered by this. He wanted Donnie for his brain, not for Hamato family magic or any potential mystical ability. He started training Gale is the mystics because he was legitimately curious what he could do, (plus it's deffo not healthy to suppress your powers if you do have them-one of the reasons Bella lived with her uncle on and off throughout her childhood) but he really has no plans to utilize his abilities. Galois is more useful to him in the lab than on the battlefield, and any potential combat use would have to be pretty fucking spectacular to justify the risk of that brain being damaged. (plus, you know, that's his son now)

I'm going to be honest, I hate it when people do that. And I don't get it. I'm disappointed when I come onto a fic that's already been completed; half the fun of fandom is interacting with creators and other readers and going absolutely mental for weeks at a time. You're missing out on the experience when you just hop on at the end.

And it just feels very entitled to me? Like, fanworks are made to be interacted with. There are exceptions, of course, but in general the people who wait until a fic is finished aren't interacting with the story as it was meant to, if at all. Like, if I hadn't gotten any interaction with doth, I would have dropped it. It took quite a while for it to pick up any meaningful interaction at all, and honestly the only reason I stuck it out that long was because I had a bunch of the story already written. If I had been writing one or two chapters at a time back then, I would have gotten discouraged and quit. If everyone waited until the end to bother reading, then they wouldn't have any completed longfics to read. Fanfiction isn't paid, we have no incentive to keep going if we're just screaming into the void.

Sorry, that came out really angry. I'm not saying people have to interaction with every fanwork they come across; god knows I don't comment on everything I read. (I am trying to be better about this though) I just had a bad experience with people not reading the tags/author's notes on doth and thinking it was completed and then bitching at me for 'tricking' them into reading an unfinished fic. Honestly, it's kind of degrading to work on something for months, (a year and a half at this point) and then have people want to consume it all at once and then leave. Like bro. You're gonna get indigestion.

[annymation]

Don’t mean to sound pushy, but are you gonna post the conversation that Simon had with Magnifico?

Not pushy at all! I didn’t share it before because no one asked for it so I assumed people weren’t interested, but now that you asked, here’s how it played out:

The king looks at Simon through the mirror with an intrigued look, wanting to know what this is all about.

Simon takes a deep breath, no turning back now, he just hopes that this works

“I… I know where the star is.”

The king’s eyes light up with delight once he hears that “Oooh do you now? How fortunate!” he smiles at the mirror, but then he remembers the lie he told his people was that the star is a threat, so he adds with a faux sense of worry in his voice "I do hope you're not too close to it, lad. That star can be quite cunning."

Simon is conflicted if he believes that's true and Asha was manipulated or believe that Aster is genuinely a good guy and the king is mistaken... But right now the truth doesn't matter, all he knows is that he can't let his friends go through with this plan, or they'll all be in danger, but they won't listen to him so... This is the only way.

"He hasn't done anything to us. Now, I can tell you where he is if you swear tha-"

"Us?" The king asks, knowing full well who he means, but faking confusion "Ah yes, you mean you and Asha, of course, well, make sure to not let her get away when I arrive, poor thing is clearly under a spell, but I'll be sure to fix that."

"N-no wait! You can't take her!" Simon protests

Magnifico raises an eyebrow at that "Can't I? And why is that?"

"... I want to make a deal." Simon says determined

"... Go on." The king is curious to where this is going

"I can get Aster away from Asha and lead him to you if you come here in the woods... But in turn, I need you to swear no harm will come to her."

"... Hmmm" Magnifico thinks for a moment, that sounds way too good to be true... And weird. Why would this boy who claims to be Asha's friend do this? "Before we agree on anything, I must know... How did you find them before my soldiers?"

Simon gets nervous, he didn't want to mention his friends in all of this, then they'd just get in trouble, and that's exactly what he's trying to avoid "Uh ya know... I just went alone and found them, nothing much to it really..." He lies, quite badly.

Magnifico takes notice of his nervousness, and decides that maybe Simon just need a little push to give him the answers he wants...

"Now now, I do hope I'm mistaken but... I sense you're not being completely honest with me, Simon." His eyes glow green, sending a mesmerizing gleam through the mirror straight to Simon's eyes, the young man feels his eyelids grow heavier "Let's try this again, shall we? How did you find them?" He repeats the question with a friendly smile, his eyes shinning bright green.

"... My friends wanted to go find them... So I went with them to help..." Simon shakes his head a bit... Why did he just say that?

"Friends you say? Interesting, and what are Asha and these friends up to?" His eyes glow green longer this time, his smile slowly turning more malicious as there's no need to hide it.

Simon feels even more tired than usual, his mouth speaks without him wanting it to "We planned on how to defeat you..."

"Oh my, you don't say" He says with obvious sarcasm, pretending to be shocked "Now I'm curious, how do you plan on achieving such a thing?"

He snaps back to reality again, Simon realizes he's speaking too much, this isn't what he wanted at all, and the king is clearly using his magic on him "This is all wrong, I can't tell you these things I... I- I made a mistake." Simon is distressed, he looks away from the mirror.

"A mistake?" the king repeats his words with a fake voice of concern

"I- I just wanted to keep them safe, I tried to tell them it was dangerous for us to go in the woods, but they didn't listen, they never listen! And I knew they wouldn't listen if I said this plan won't work." Simon is ranting more to himself than to the king, who is listening every word with a wicked smile, ready to take advantage of this added context. Simon makes up his mind that he's not going through with this, he picks up a rock from the cave, and looks angrily at the mirror ready to break it "I thought I could keep them safe if I just gave you what you wanted... But you're even worse than what Asha said! And I'm not gonna let you use me to hurt th-"

He looks at the mirror one last time before smashing the rock on it... And that was a big mistake.

When he looks at the mirror Magnifico's eyes are glowing green, not momentarily but constantly now, sending his hypnotic magic at full force to the already sleepy teen.

"Shhhhh shh shh there there Simon, that's quite enough... Put that rock down now." His voice is smooth as silk, Simon tries to fight it, but it's pointless. He let's go of the rock "Well done... So all you wish is to keep your friends safe, but they are dead set on defying me, hmm?" The king says with a mocking voice of pity, Simon nods slowly, unable to looks away from the mirror "Tsk tsk tsk how exhausting this must be for you, being the only voice of reason and all... But don't you worry Simon, trust me, I shall bring them no harm whatsoever... If you do as I say. You can do that, can't you?" Simon once again nods yes, he's deep into the spell, but deep down he's still trying to resist, Magnifico smiles sinisterly but still with a slow and calming voice "Of course you can, it's so much easier to just do as your king says. Go on now, tell me aaaaall about this little plan of theirs, and don't leave any details~"

And Simon does, however, with the little resistance he still has, he omits the information about Asha's magic pencil, leaving it vague how they'd get to the castle or unlock the doors.

Magnifico finds out about how they plan to break his staff, and to get in the castle through the dungeon, and he already begins to plan in his head how to fool them with a fake gem, and how to trap them in the castle. And as for Asha, well, the king promised he'd bring her no harm... But Amaya didn't say anything.

And she was standing there listening to the whole conversation while petting Bravo, already thinking how she'd make the girl pay.

Once he gets all the information he needed, Magnifico's eyes go back to normal, allowing Simon to finally snap out of trance.

Simon blinks a few times feeling dizzy, he doesn't quite remember all that he just told him, only a few glimpses of what he wants Simon to do "Ugh... Wha- what were we talking about?"

"Ooh I think you just dozed off for a bit there, don't worry heheh" Magnifico smiles innocently like nothing happened "As I was saying, all I need from you is that you keep your friends locked up in the kitchen, that's easy enough for your sleepy head to handle, isn't it?" He says condescendingly

Simon doesn't like this plan at all but... What choice does he have? "Y-yes... And you swear they'll be alright?"

"Like I said, IF you keep them in there, then I won't do anything to them... Am I clear?" The king is not even trying to hide that he's threatening them now, either Simon makes this go just as Magnifico wants, or his friends will pay the price... And it would all be his fault.

Simon just wants this to end, all he can say is a quiet "...Yes"

But Magnifico is not satisfied with just that, and singsongs ""Yes" what, Simon?"

"... Yes, your majesty." Simon adds, sounding defeated

"That's better. Thank you so much for your service, little one." The king calls him that knowing full well Simon is almost as tall as him, but he wants the young man to feel even smaller than he already feels.

The king just snaps his fingers and and the mirror no longer shows his face, it stops glowing, now showing only Simon's frightened expression.

The oldest of the 7 teens wishes he could scream in frustration, but the others might hear him from the camp fire... He probably should go join them... Even though he's not even sure he can look at their faces after what he just did.

He just hides the magic mirror inside his pillow case and gets up to go join the others, but just when he's about to leave the cave... He sees a huge ball of light coming in his direction at full speed.

"AAAH!"

"Oh good! You're awake!" Aster said with a huge smile.

[chameleonspell]

HTDC commentary - 3: breathe

[Looking back at HTDC after nearly ten years: comments on lore, character notes, influences, art, whatever. May contain spoilers for later chapters.]

chapter text: 3: breathe

In this bit, I get explicit about some of the stuff implied by Ire's behaviour, last chapter. Which I have mixed feelings about now, because it reads very blunt and tell-not-show and whatever, but... oh, well. At other times I'm maybe not obvious enough with character's internal processes, and the reader should at least understand the terms Ire uses for his own issues. This is all stuff Ire is self-aware about and he's currently reflecting on it, so fine, let's set out Iriel's psychological stall.

only distantly registering the wet ground soaking through his pants.

Wait, no, let's talk about his pants, because alexgaretti dragged me about this later, and I deserve it - why did I convert everything else about the narration into my native British English spellings, but then keep saying "pants" instead of "trousers"? I DON'T KNOW, OKAY, IT JUST FELT WRONG. Pants are how leg-things are labelled in the Morrowind game! Common pants, extravagant pants, it's all pants! People wear pants, that's just how it is. I felt weird enough spelling "bonemould" with a U, leave me alone.

Imprisonment, he knew, was part of it. Of course it had affected him, he had been foolish to expect otherwise. Ridiculous to think he could simply pick up his life where he had left off.

There are obvious reasons why Bethesda games never do anything further with their habitual gambit of starting your character as a prisoner - the player should get to decide who their character is, and how they react! The game isn't going to force you to consider that a character who has been in jail for any length of time (especially delicate, cruelly-framed prisoner characters) may have been wildly traumatised by this experience, and may have difficulty adjusting to being suddenly given their freedom.

Fanfic is the trauma-processing place, though, so naturally we all love having carte blanche to let our characters be really messed up by it.

He offended someone by staring at them? Why? How many seconds were you allowed to look at someone? Wait, not looking at them could be rude too? How could anyone figure out this stuff? If they couldn’t even explain to him how to do it right, why tell him he was doing it wrong?

This chapter is where people started asking me if Iriel has autism. Which I still don't have a concrete answer for! Partly because I'm not sure a fictional character benefits from that kind of word-of-god authorial specificity, when you could just let readers decide, and relate to him however they want to. But also because if Ire's autistic, then probably I'm autistic, and it's not like I'm against the concept, but I really don't know! When I was writing HTDC, I labelled a lot of my behaviours as social anxiety, because they primarily manifested when I was under stress. It blew my mind slightly when someone said to me, "what if it's just that being under stress removes your ability to mask?". I'm still thinking about that one, to be honest, but I'll spare you my non-conclusions, here.

Then he hit adolescence, and it turned out that everything prior had just been the warm-up act for being a queer teenager completely unequipped to conceal this fact from his incomprehending parents and conservative town.

While I'm still vaguely irritated by this chapter, at least we didn't get all this backstory as actual written chapters, right? Gotta start in media res. Gotta skip to the bits that matter for this story. 

Also, we don't need to have the boring argument about whether it's more radical/regressive to write fantasy queer utopias, or to recreate systems of oppression in fantasy worlds, right? Of course people can do either, do both, do whatever suits their purpose and is interesting.

I've read some amazing fic* set in Summerset, where homosexuality was an accepted and valued part of society. That approach is totally valid! It just didn't fit what I wanted to do, here, so my headcanons are different.

Based on what I'd inferred about Altmer values (I don't know ESO, don't talk to me about ESO), homophobia as a default in that society does seem very plausible to me. Summerset is a culture where bloodlines (and so heterosexual procreative pairings) are obsessively cultivated. Your blood is who you are, it’s fixed and unalterable, and if you’re acting (or fucking) against the overall societal interest, there must be something wrong with you and your blood.

According to a first-era emissary to the Altmer isles: "Breeding outside the pure line is a terrible, unthinkable crime, and taken as prima facia evidence of the tainted blood of the individual in question- if they were, they wouldn't have the impulse to do it. Exile to the mainland is regarded as equivalent to a death sentence, since there is no purpose in living outside their ideal society."

Now, we have to take this with a heavy pinch of salt. He goes on to write: "They have no real names of their own, only combinations of numbers that, when spoken aloud, sound to human ears as such. They feel no real tenderness for one another and have no concept of compassion." So, as with any TES text: biased source. But I think it's reasonable to assume that the Altmer do care a lot about purity of bloodlines, since this theme reoccurs elsewhere.

* Exhibit A: In Pedo Impedimenta, which is hands-down the best Summerset fic around, and in terms of wildly imaginative headcanons, one of the best TES fics, full stop. It's... a lot. It's unfinished, but you should read it anyway.

He had a plan: the Crystal Tower. Get there, he told himself, and everything will be all right. And then he did… and it wasn’t.

The fic I linked above, In Pedo Impedimenta, is set in the 4th era, and has a scene in which an Imperial tries to make a politely regretful remark about the tragic destruction of the Crystal Tower during the Oblivion Crisis. He is blindsided by how even the slightest mention sucks the air out of the room, sending half the Altmer into tearful, traumatised paroxysms of shock, while others barely restrain themselves from murdering him. The level of social faux pas is off the charts, basically. Altmer grief for the Tower is fathomless, because the Crystal Tower represented the Altmer people, was their heart, soul, ancestral memory, you name it. A symbol of Altmeri perfection.

Iriel revered the Tower from childhood, grew up struggling to prove himself worthy. Getting accepted there was a validation of his entire being, evidence that whatever anyone else thought, he was capable of touching, representing and embodying that perfection. Getting expelled, therefore, was equally personal.

Intellectually, Iriel knows there were petty, down-to-earth reasons for his expulsion, but that sort of symbolism is hard to shake.

Speaking of symbolism, according to ESO, the Crystal Tower looks like this. Yes, I know. I hate it, I had not seen this when I wrote about it, and I honestly refuse to accept it. I wanted it to be a symbol of Iriel's pure desire for knowledge and intellectual advancement, but SOME PEOPLE want to make everything he does into a sex joke. I hate it, and I don't care that it's got a nice safe flared base.

Invisibility potions require diamonds - too expensive to make a habit of. Ire began to practice invisibility cantrips obsessively. [...] Gradually, he discovered that more subtle and specialised effects were possible with illusion, allowing him to adjust his “dosage” according to the situation.

Illusion magic! Already, it's being framed as a sort of drug, with dosages and expensive dependency. Iriel makes this framing himself, and later mutters sarcastically about his addictive personality. But what is he trying to medicate away? Short answer: himself. Physically or mentally can vary. I told people from the start: the title of the fic was never metaphorical.

Depending on the alchemical properties of the bog, corpses could either remain perfectly preserved indefinitely, or decompose to skeletons in mere hours. He suspected that he was not the former.

Iriel has a terrible phobia of skeletons and bones, though I don't think I knew that yet, when I wrote this line. But this is the crux of it: bones are what's left, when everything else has been taken away, all the soft, pretty, fleshy nonsense that buffers our inmost selves from the outside world. Bones have nowhere to hide. And, to Iriel at least, they are fucking horrid.

But Iriel, we could say, what's the alternative? That corpses don't decompose? That dead people stay the same forever, and never really leave? Isn't that differently horrid? I got really obsessed with this theme, later, something Morrowind's burial customs makes easy.

Sinilakki drew Iriel being all translucent in the swamp.

Perhaps I shouldn't have said Iriel had a psychological stall. Stalls don't move, and the entire point of a character-driven narrative is to move a character, right? How are we moving them? On rails, like a train? Self-driven, or carried passenger? That has to change, too, right?

Around half-way through writing HTDC, I made a notes document, trying to clarify to myself what kind of story I was trying to tell. I did it by defining the sort of story I wasn't trying to tell, and I'm just gonna copy-paste it all here, stream-of-consciousness non-capitalisation and all:

not a coming of age story

ire knows who he is (that's kinda the problem), he's an adult now, whatever the fuck that means.

it's about what happens next, how he can fit this adult self of his into the world (can he? does he want to? what kind of world? there are many.) what does it mean to be normal, does he want that? why/why not?

if he fits in, what will that cost him? if he walks away from everything, what will that cost him? what does he value most? could he still change? should he? what would that cost? are these cost estimates of his accurate?? how is even mental accounting???

how mutable is his identity, his self-image, the image he projects? which one is real, are any of them real? is he a trick of the light, reflecting false images with nothing behind it at all? smoke and mirrors.

not a coming out story

ire's out to his family (he's never had much choice about it) and he's past all that terrified self-realisation, first love/lust bit, past the initial horror of it. the worst already happened, in terms of his family and his old life, it's dead and gone, and he survived. and he's bored now. bored and bitter. because it ought to get easier, and it doesn't. "it gets better" got him through his teens. but he's still waiting, and nothing fucking changes, or rather, it got worse. where is his community? is that a thing? and while plenty of this is beyond his control, part of it is internal. Ire maintains, on a logical, rational, principled level, that there's nothing wrong with his sexuality, and that what happened wasn't his fault, that he was badly treated, that he deserves the same right to love and be happy as anyone. HOWEVER. it's not as simple as that. he's been deeply psychologically damaged by homophobia, it has claws in his self esteem that he can't seem to shift. he worries he can't maintain a healthy relationship because of it. worries he can't have a healthy relationship with himself.

not a romance

it's not about iriel falling in love with someone truly, madly, deeply, permanently happy ever after. it's certainly not about a relationship fixing his problems, if anything it gives him more.

it is about relationships, in particular his changing relationship with julan, and the ways it makes him examine himself and how he interacts, and what he wants from another person. What he did wrong in the past, and what he needs to stop blaming himself for. And what his partners need from him, and how he can learn to meet those needs, should he choose to do so. about that negotiation. about failing at it, about screwing things up really badly, on both sides, and where that ends up. about trying to fix things. about what you can/should forgive, what you can't, and what forgiveness means. about recognising when to hold on to someone and when to let go.

what is preventing iriel from building healthy relationships? from feeling, expressing and receiving love? how does this change? what kinds of relationships/people are good for him?

not a tragedy

ire's been through enough shit, and doesn't really believe happiness is likely. this is not about proving him right. it's not about giving him a happy ending on a plate either, his is not a journey of one step, and this story is limited in scope. but it's about managing loss & moving forward.

ok so what is it?

it is about survival and growth. how ire is paralysed by his trauma, and resists change, and the ways he struggles to get past this. to take control of himself & be more than a product of his past & his conditions. to make choices, not be swept along/reacting. to find ways of being in the world and engaging with it.

its about ire's coping mechanisms. what they are, why he has them, how they help him, how some of them damage or restrict him. whether he needs them, or can replace them, reconfigure them, drop them entirely. the things you do to survive are not the things you do to get free. how can ire move from survival to getting free?

it's about surviving, and then about surviving/outgrowing the person you had to become in order to survive.

All aboard, guarfuckers! We've got 197 miles of bad road!

next: 4: falling previous: 2: labels

[dragonzfanfics11]

hi I'm not sure if you have done this already/ if you are still taking requests but if you are could you please do the SBG group reacting to the reader coming out as trans masc please? thank you so much for making these I really enjoy reading :3

hiii thanks for the request and I'll try my best with this I don't know everything about trans people but I know some!

Warnings- probably spelling errors, nothing to bad

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Ashlen

Shed probably be a little confused on what that is so youd have to explain what being trans is

Once she kinda gets an idea of it she's still supportive and probably mixes up your pronouns accidentally at first but eventually gets the hang of it

She'd be supportive on any look/style you'd want to try and give honest opinions when you want her to

Either way still treats you the same way and trys her best to support you!

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Aiden

I think he might have a small idea of what being trans is or have some terrible misconsumption about it saying something bazar 😭

After you explan it a bit better to him he's completely supportive

I feel like he'd definitely either joke about becoming trans himself or send you trans memes all the time

Since he's rich and all I can see him buying you things to help you transition I to being trans (is that the right word?)

Like he'd buy you a binder if you wanted one and that sorta thing

Definitely would let you take some of his clothes if you wanted to try out his style

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Ben

Probably either knows absolutely nothing on what being trans is or knows a good amount of what it is

You might have to explain some of the details and Ben would also probably do a little bit of research on it himself just to make sure what it is

Either way though he's 100 percent supportive!

He'd give honest opinions on anything you ask him like if whatever style would look good on you and what not

He'd also let you borrow some of his shirts if there not huge on you (which most likely are)

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Tyler

You'd definitely have to explain it to him because he'd have no clue

If he did know what that was he'd definitely thought it was a joke on YouTube or something

But after you explained it to him he was supportive

He'd let you borrow his shirts more and give you opinions on what styles look good on you

He'd be a little sceptical at first thinking it was a prank or something but when he figures your telling the truth he's supportive 100 percent

Also later he realized he's technically gay now

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Taylor

I think she'd be the once to know the most of what trans is compared to the whole group

Shed be sooo supportive and take you on shopping sprees when she should and help you figure out your style

Shed love helping you figure out how to cut your hair and how to dress that sorta thing

Shed be such a good girlfriend no matter what gender you re she loves you just the same

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Logen

he might know a small amount on what being trans is

Though you still might have to explain it a bit and he'd do some research on his own about it

He'd be super supportive and lend you some of his clothes whenever you wanted

Would definitely recommend some styles if you asked

He'd make sure you where comfortable with yourself all the time when he figerd out how much hate they get

Will love you either way <3

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Hope you liked it!!! Also shout out to all my trans readers your all valid and awesome!!!! 🩵🩷🤍🩷🩵🩷🤍🩷🩵🩷🤍🩷🩵🩷🤍🩷🩵🩷

[qourmet]

hello, hope you’re doing well :D! i’ve been obsessing over all of your art and hcs of the mdzs older gen and i was wondering what your thought process of the names you chose for them were because they’re really cool!! like i was thinking how yixi’s name is probably referencing that she came from tibet or how qhj’s courtesy name is maybe referencing his position as heir then later sect leader, like him inheriting the responsibility of leading the lan clan, and maybe the night character is in reference to his quiet personality but also his future loneliness in seclusion? or maybe im just looking into it too deeply (Ｔ▽Ｔ)

hello hello!! i've been very busy, this new years is starting off with lots of farewells on my end & promises to see friends as they settle in to their lives, i hope you are well & i hope you've had a good holiday & will have a good year.

WAH you're too sweet 😭 i'm gonna be honest, a Lot of my thought process when Naming characters in general has been:

• "follow the naming process of mxtx," which means you can bet your butt i've been Carding through Tang Dynasty poetry for Months • making Absolute Sure that None of the names i settle on are homonyms for anything with a double-meaning such as: modern swear words, innuendos, or just anything in general that would make them look like a clown • do NOT be Airplane (Shang Qinghua) when naming characters- which in essence if you haven't read svsss means do Not give characters names that spell out the core of their origins. no "risen from the frozen river" names, "don't be too on-the-nose i'm Begging you do research" @ me • do your absolute Best not to choose characters with a ridiculous amount of strokes Especially for given names (a rule i've struggled to actually live by) • do your Best to not have too many overlapping characters that Canon names use • sparingly looking at the tao te ching because i'm too scared of being culturally insensitive to nitpick a name from any pinyin i might come across

i won't claim ever to be a native chinese speaker: i have enjoyed the incentive to learn characters that are the building blocks to actual words that reading mxtx's works (& subsequently other cnovels) have given me, but it is not a culture i was raised in and it is not a language i read fluently. can't speak mandarin or cantonese or suzhounese or any other dialect and have been blessed with multiple friends who do and have done their best to help steer me in the right direction. all that being said, here's some dumb facts with the names:

• regarding the last-most point, i've picked ONE name from the tao te ching. i'm glad you enjoy Chengye/承夜's name but i've deliberated over it too long and have come to the conclusion that it Will be changed. taking inspiration from qiren's name, there needs to be a verb in there paired with something abstract but innately Human & i've found a passage in the tao that i Really liked that i feel alluded to my own characterization of him had the phrase Yǒuqíng/有情 which is Just as abstract and ridiculous as Chengye (which i cannot remember where i pulled that name from), but comes with the added bonus of being from the Adjustment of Controversies. to Have affections but understand where they should be going or how they should be distributed, to question why a person favors One thing over Another despite the inevitable conclusion that All of it is working towards an inevitability completely out of a person's control, it all feels just absolutely peachy to thrust that onto qingheng-jun when he couldn't in his lifetime maintain the favor between his family & his wife. plus Wangji's name being tao-derrivative made me feel i needed at least one of the prev gen in this boat with their successors. i've studied the tao in a scholarly setting Once for a semester, and Once more for a week or two on my own time so Please do Not take my word as any level of expertise i'm begging you. • I Do remember when picking out a name for Qingheng-jun, coming across a name that in essence meant "Bear the Night" felt a little too on-the-nose. there was no double meaning though i tried applying one. he's a Leader, he's a Cultivator, it's Expected of him to bear this and bear it as if it weren't a burden. and the more i thought/think about it, the less it made sense especially when All cultivators are expected to soldier through the same conditions, yanno? • Cangse-Sanren is the only girl i've headcanon'd so-far with a courtesy name! and i Really Really wanted it to be something to do with celestial bodies Exclusively because Xiao Xingchen has the Most celestial name on this show outside of Lan Xichen but he doesn't count in my head. i also wanted it to have Anything to do with the moon because Xiao Xingchen's name has a good chunk of sun radicals in there, but also Moonbeam is what you'd call a fairy and she's a fairy and i Will Never let that go. the most buckwild batshit fairy you've ever met but a mortal worthy of being a celestial being. her Surname means Wish, so go wishing on the moonbeams because her husband certainly did. • Cangse-Sanren in my headcanons named herself. She was a whimsical child, she named herself something outlandish for her surname, & she was obsessed with the cowherd & weavergirl story as a child so she named herself Liu/浏 with the milky way in mind (here i go breaking my Not Too Many Strokes rule). • tragically Yixi's name was more utilitarian than anything else. i needed something that worked in multiple languages based on my headcanons of origin & with the limited selection i had to work with, 益西 was by & far my favorite. plus the implications of her having value, of being benificial to some far-off location that was as far away from Gusu as you could possibly get, how could i Not see the poetry in that? • Yixi has no surname. Yi is not her surname, her full name is Yixi. where i headcanon her From, surnames weren't particularly commonplace outside of nobility and i don't headcanon her family to be of major importance (though i believe they're relatively self-sustaining). She might be associated with a specific clan her family works under or for & that may come up in the future, but for now it's just Yixi until or unless you think of her as already a married Lan. jury's out on whether the Lan clan would've ever called her Madam Lan tho. • confession: Bu Xin's name was directly inspired by Unchained Love's Bu Xin. different spelling but iirc it's completely a homonym. second confession: i have yet to finish watching Unchained Love please go Easy on me