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downthe-f4ndom-rabbith0le · 1 year ago

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The Way Back Home (Spencer Reid x Reader) - Prologue

The Way Back Home (Spencer Reid x Reader) - The Prologue Word Count: 4001 Reader Insert: she/her pronouns Warnings: major angst, major fluff, mentions of murder, crime scenes, near-death experiences, slow-burnish romance, death, canon violence, rape, swearing, guns, knives, prostitution, canon cuteness of the team. Spoilers: Maeve's death, mentions of previous cases or canon events from seasons 1-10.

Spencer and you have an unspoken connection with one another. Nothing has ever happened between you two, especially since everything went down with Maeve, but your love has grown and overcome and is now clear as day to everyone. However, just when Spencer builds up enough courage to ask you out officially, you're requested on an undercover mission that halts your budding relationship in its tracks.

Months go by without a word from you until bodies of prostitutes start showing up in New York and the BAU is brought in to help. Spencer and you finally reunite as both your cases collide, but your lives and your love are both on the line now.

Will you and Spencer be able to find the way back home this time?

~~~

You released a tired, relieved sigh as you and the rest of the team exited the elevator and walked back into the bullpen. You'd just landed back after a week in Utah chasing a serial killer who turned out to be a mormon. He killed in the name of burning out the false children of God from humanity - literally. The Unsub managed to burn six innocent people alive before they apprehended him.

'I cannot wait to go home for a hot bath and a good glass of scotch,' Rossi said, rubbing at the kink in his neck from the sleep home on the plane.

'Ditto,' Alex said. 'James is home for the weekend, and he has promised me some home made pie that I am very much looking forward to.'

You smiled as you reached your desk, the echo of the others adding to the conversation of what they were looking forward to when they got home warming the usually busy room as they passed you. A sense of comfort and relief washed over you as you placed your go-bag on your desk. Hearing all your friends' voices back in the office after a mission was never a guarantee, so you relished every time you heard them, regardless of the conversation.

You looked up when a figure entered your peripheral vision, and that comfort and warm feeling spread further through you when you saw who it was.

'What about you, Y/N?' Spencer said by way of greeting, a soft smile gracing his own tired features. 'What is waiting for you at home on this fine Friday evening?'

You paused to think about it for a second, a content smile tugging at your lips at the thought. 'Well, unless I've been robbed in the last few days, I will be enjoying a nice glass of moscato while I order pasta from the restaurant below my apartment, and snuggle in with my book that I've spent literally months trying to finish,' you said dreamily, the thought of good food and good wine and a good book sounding almost too good to be true. But Garcia had informed the team before landing that no new cases had been submitted and so you had the weekend to yourselves.

'That all?' he asked, amusement dancing on his lips.

You chuckled, shaking your head. 'I know. First Friday night home in DC in a while and I am choosing to stay at home instead. The utter shame of it all.'

You both laughed, and it pleased you to see his amber eyes light up after the long week you'd had.

'I didn't mean that as a bad thing,' Spencer said, brushing a stray curl from out of his eyes. Even though it was the shortest length it'd ever been, some rogue curls still managed to dangle out of confinement every once in a while. 'What book are you reading?'

'Don't laugh at me, but... The Adventures of Sherlock Holmes.'

Spencer's brow furrowed curiously. 'Why would I laugh? I love Sir Arthur Conan Doyle's work.'

You shrugged, casually leaning against your desk as you crossed your arms. 'I know, it just seems a little silly that a federal agent is reading some old detective stories.'

'Actually, Doyle was one of the forefathers of detective fiction, as he brought in the concept that the science of deduction isn't just physical evidence but psychological observations. He created a space where all the sciences we know today can help in solving crime, and actually paved the way for more psychological avenues to be taken more seriously in academia and law enforcement. If you think about it, without Sherlock, you and I may not have our jobs as profilers right now.' Spencer paused when he realised he was rambling, and despite your soft, encouraging smile, he saw the tired blankness in your eyes.

Spencer licked his lips before speaking again. 'What I'm trying to say is... I don't think it's silly at all.'

You nodded your thanks although you knew you didn't need to. 'So what about you?', you asked in return. 'What will entertain Dr. Spencer Reid on this "fine Friday evening"?'

His words repeated back to him kept the smile on his face, more importantly the life in his eyes. But he began to fiddle with the strap of his satchel bag, and you couldn't help but notice he slightly swayed. Like he was nervous or something. It was cute.

He was cute.

You forced the rising heat in your cheeks to stay underneath the surface to not give away your embarrassment or your inner thoughts. Thoughts you'd been having since the day you'd met him six years ago. Thoughts that you'd suppressed so as to not interfere with your work, and then later so it wouldn't ruin your hard-built friendship.

When he told you about Maeve, you'd had mixed feelings. Of course, you'd been ecstatic for him that he'd found someone he could be himself with, and even more so when he disclosed to you that no one else knew about her - just you. But you couldn't deny the twinge of sadness that pulled at your heart knowing that that someone he could be himself with wasn't you.

But you hadn't hesitated, hadn't faltered when he'd needed a shoulder to cry on when Maeve was killed. Once he decided to open up and accept help, you were first in line to help keep the young doctor afloat in his sea of grief and loss.

It's been over a year since Maeve's death now, and while she would always remain important in his heart, he had, for the most part, moved on, slowly getting back to be his usual, quirky, logical self.

The past year and a bit has only brought you two closer together, and as much as you have tried to hide how amazing that makes you feel, you've had plenty of conversations with Penelope and others on the team about finally asking the boy wonder out. It's not like you didn't want to, but if Maeve was his type of girl, you just weren't sure you were what Spencer was looking for in a romantic partner. Besides, you were happy with your friendship.

It was by far the most precious relationship you had aside from your family - why ruin it?

You quickly realised you'd both been silent for a while, Spencer still not having answered your question yet. 'Spence?' you prompted gently.

The cute doctor managed to grasp his satchel strap fiercely and ground himself back in the present. 'R-Right. I too have a book at home. The one you got me for my birthday, actually.'

'Oh yes!' The Shining Girls by Lauren Beukes. You'd been hooked from the first line, and by the time you finished, all you could think about was how much you thought Spencer would enjoy it. So you instantly wrapped up your own personal copy and waited for Spencer's birthday to roll around. You never told him it was yours, you just hoped he didn't notice the slight bend in the spine or minuscule tears in some pages from you flipping them too quickly. 'I've been meaning to ask you if you enjoyed it or not. I just assumed you'd read it already.'

'We've just been so busy with cases lately. I haven't had time to even consider picking it up.'

You rolled your eyes. 'Come on, we both know you could've finished that book on one of our plane rides.'

He shrugged, eyes dipping for a moment before landing back on you. 'I know. I guess... I just wanted to give it the time and attention it deserved,' he settled on, and the honesty in both his words and his eyes threatened to steal your breath.

A silence that rested between comfortable and awkward settled upon you two. This had happened many times in recent weeks although you weren't quite sure why. Regardless of your hidden feelings and the tragedy of Maeve, neither of you lost your comfortability with one another.

'So... we've both got book dates tonight,' you said in an attempt to break the silence. The rest of the team was still chatting just a little away from them, but it felt like it was just the two of you sometimes when you talked.

'Well, actually, maybe...' Spencer started, and his fingers were twitching again. 'I was wondering if maybe you'd want t-to bring your book over and... join me, tonight.'

The request wasn't an unusual one. In fact, you'd conducted your own mini book club between the two of you on plenty of occasions. Mainly because you both found out you were the kind of people that liked your personal time and space, but didn't like the thought of being completely alone. This wasn't new, but it warmed your heart all the same at the gesture.

'That sounds great, Spence!' you said heartily. 'Give me half an hour and I'll be around at yours-'

'Actually,' Spencer interrupted, 'I was thinking we could grab some dinner together first. You know, like at a restaurant or some place you can sit in at.'

'...Like a date?' you asked softly, breathlessly. The words just kind of slipped from you before you even contemplated how they would affect Spencer. It just felt natural and right.

Your heart pounded like a jackhammer between your ribs, but you were more concerned at what expression Spencer would pull in the next five seconds.

To your relief, he smiled that small little smile of his that spoke volumes of his insecurity but also of his genuine intentions. 'Yeah. I guess it is like a date,' he finally replied.

Oh my goodness. He was nervous. His words were rushed and higher-pitched in tone. but you still managed to understand him, as well as what dinner implied.

A half-smile pulled at your lips. 'Dr. Spencer Reid,' you began softly, half-scared, half-excited to speak the words you'd been holding back for so long. 'Are you asking me out on a date right now?'

At your words, his anxiety seemed to disappear, as he stopped fidgeting with the satchel strap and took a daring step closer to you. 'I guess I am.'

You couldn't stop it now, the smile of pure joy you'd been holding back from splitting your face open. After years of suffering silently, of repressing the truth, it was all worth it for that one question.

'So what do you say, SSA Y/N L/N,' he quipped cheekily. 'Would you like to have dinner with me tonight?'

The answer was right there in the tip of your tongue, almost spewing from you, when your name was called out across the bullpen for all to hear.

The globe of silence and serenity that had built around Spencer and yourself suddenly shattered as you both, alongside the rest of the team, turned to Hotch standing in his office doorway. But while you all looked at him, his hard gaze was honed in on you.

'L/N,' he called again, having your attention now. 'Can I see you in my office, please?'

You looked between him and Spencer, unsure who to answer first. In the end, you were still technically on the clock so you nodded at your boss and said, 'Sure, I'll be in there shortly.'

'This can't wait, I'm sorry.'

It was the seriousness and discomfort in his voice that caused you to throw aside your personal agenda, giving Spencer an apologetic look before quickly making your way through the bullpen, up the stairs and into his office. You tried not to look at your team too much as you did, but you felt their gazes on the back of your head nevertheless.

They were just as confused as you were, then.

'Close the door,' Hotch instructed gently, to which you obliged. He pointed to the seat on the other side of his desk. 'Have a seat.'

'Everything okay, Hotch?' you asked, taking a seat in the chair. 'Oh no. Did I make an error in one of my reports again?'

'No, nothing like that,' he reassured you, which didn't help your already built up worry. For a moment, it was just you two sitting in his office in silence; you waited for him to explain his mysterious actions, while he seemed to struggle to find the right words.

He never struggled to find the right words.

You leaned forward in your seat, worry furrowing your brow. 'Hotch. What's wrong?'

'Nothing is wrong, so to say,' he insisted, but his frown remained. 'I've just been in contact with your old unit chief from Organised Crime. They believe there is an underground operation being conducted by gang leaders in Manhattan that involves the transporting, selling and purchasing of girls and women in the prostitute industry.'

'Okay,' you drawled out, more confused than ever. 'What has this got to do with us?'

'It doesn't,' Hotch answered immediately. 'Just you. Your old unit chief wants you back to go undercover in the case.'

'What?' You stood up from your seat instead of shouting, but goodness it took all your strength not to. 'Why do they need me? They have a whole squadron of agents to choose from.'

'They want a profiler to help them find out who these people are first, then go undercover and become part of the operation's inner circle and report back to them,' Hotch explained, although his tone displayed his displeasure in saying so. 'Y/N, you have more experience in undercover missions than anyone else on this team, even before you joined us as a profiler.'

You knew his words to be true, but the reality of it all was an ever-growing weight on your chest. 'What they are asking, Hotch, could take weeks, months even. Those kind of people will not trust so easily,' you tried reasoning with him.

You couldn't help but look through the blinds to your team still standing and talking outside in the bullpen. To Spencer, who had joined the team since you had left, but just looked at the window as if he could find out what was going on behind the glass and blinds if he looked long enough. It broke your heart to think you wouldn't see him for months, maybe even years.

Because that was the thing with undercover missions. Once you assumed the life of someone else, your old life became non-existent. That meant no contact with anyone outside of the case as a safety precaution.

That meant no talking to Spencer, or anyone in the BAU, until the case ended. Or unless you were killed, in which case you wouldn't be able to do a lot of talking anyways.

You turned back around at the sound of Hotch standing from his seat and coming around the desk to speak directly in front of you, no walls to hide behind. 'You know I wouldn't be asking if I hadn't tried to change their mind first. But even I can't argue that you are the best agent for the job.'

You nodded your understanding even if you hated to admit he was right. 'I guess it's not one of those jobs that I can decline, is it?'

Hotch shook his head regrettably. 'Head Chief requested for you personally. You've already been taken off the roster here at the BAU so you're not disturbed by other cases.'

Hearing that was just rubbing salt in the wound, and you hated the burning feeling of tears rising at the back of your eyes. You were already gone from here, like a ghost that didn't realise she was one to begin with.

Hotch's hand rested heavy on your shoulder as he comforted you. 'We can discuss your return to work when your mission is over. You will always have a place with us, Y/N.'

You attempted a smile, but it was strained as you tried to force back tears. You wiped at the strays that dribbled down your cheeks, pulling yourself back together before speaking again. 'All right. How long do I have before I am expected in the Big Apple?'

'There's someone waiting for you at your apartment already. They'll take you to their headquarters when you're done packing tonight.'

You sucked in air as you felt your whole world tilt unstably. Tonight. You had to leave tonight. Again, you found yourself seeking out Spencer through the half-closed blinds.

'So what do you say, SSA Y/N L/N? Would you like to have dinner with me tonight?'

You bit your lip as you blinked your tears away, trying but failing to ignore the cry of your heart as its strings were pulled harshly. 'Tonight?' you asked in the hope you'd misheard.

But no such hope existed, unfortunately.

'Yes,' Hotch said, that one word the final nail in the coffin of your impending suffering. 'I'm sorry. This goes without saying, but don't mention any of this to the team as you leave. Only myself and Section Chief Cruz will know where you are and the details of your mission.'

You huffed out a joyless laugh. 'Hiding truths from a team of profilers is like playing poker with a mirror attached to your face,' you said, and you didn't bother to hide your displeasure and sadness when you did. 'They're going to ask questions, and they will find out the truth eventually.'

'Let me worry about that,' Hotch said gently, letting go of you and leaving a cold mark where his hand once was. 'You've got bags to pack.'

'Right.' You sucked in a few deep breaths before making your way to the door. tears burned at your eyes again but you couldn't let the team see you like this. You couldn't let Spencer see you like this.

Because you had a job to do. And you always finished a job.

Before you could open the door handle, however, Hotch stopped you once more. 'Y/N.'

You looked at him, forcing an expression of blankness and indifference. 'Yes, sir?'

He must've seen your inner struggle, as he offered one of those genuine smiles of his that were oh so rare. 'We'll see you when you get back,' he said.

It wasn't a promise or a done deal, but it was the most hope you could ask for right now. So you smiled your thanks, nodded your goodbye, and opened the door back into the bullpen.

Immediately, all eyes set upon you and the room grew quiet. Your first instinct was to cry, then to run, then to blurt everything out because you hated keeping secrets. But you remembered what had just been said, and you whipped a bright smile onto your face to hide your despair.

'Don't you guys have homes to go to?' you asked cheerily, walking down the stairs as casually as possibly. You would've bee-lined for your bag, but if you moved too quickly they would suspect something. 'I recall hot baths and scotch were awaiting most of us, are they not?'

Thankfully Rossi took the bait, and picked up his go-bag in a huge huff. 'The lady is right. I spend enough time with you people as is, I am not wasting anymore not drinking and soaking.'

'Soaking in what? The bath or scotch?' JJ asked, also picking up her go-bag to make her way back to the elevator.

The group devolved into laughs and other jests, and you breathed a sigh of relief as you picked up your go-bag and followed them. Before you could though, a gentle call of your name halted you in your tracks, out of both politeness and frozen fear.

'Hey,' Spencer started, looking between you and Hotch's office. 'What was all that about?'

'Oh, uh, nothing super important,' you said, scrambled as you words were. 'Just a paperwork issue. Again.'

He broke out in smile that set your heart aflutter despite your inner turmoil. 'You know, you really shouldn't do paperwork on the plane when you're tired if you're just going to make a mistake. You're better off leaving it to the morning when your brain and body has rested enough to comprehend what the paperwork is asking of you.'

'Well sorry if I don't want to do a mountain of paperwork when I come back into the office,' you countered, grateful for the playful distraction as you made it over to the elevator. The others were just piling in when Spencer halted you again.

'So...' he dragged out, eyes flickering between you and teh floor nervously, '...what do you say?'

'To what?' you asked.

'To dinner. You didn't have time to give me an answer before.'

Shit. Your voice failed you now as you grasped at words - any words - to tell him. Your heart screamed yes, but there was someone waiting for you back home. A home you wouldn't be visiting for who knows how long.

Capitalising on your gaping mouth, you forced out a yawn and feigned covering it up out of embarrassment. 'Oh my goodness, sorry about that. Um, actually, now that you mention it, I am pretty beat. I'm just... going to go home and sleep it off if that's all right.'

It pained you to see his smile drop at your words, to see the hope leave his beautiful eyes at your rejection. And you knew you shouldn't say anything or make promises you couldn't keep, but you couldn't just leave him with no hope.

'Maybe next week sometime,' you offered, hoping your smile could bring some of that light back. 'You know, you've never tried the Italian Restaurant under my apartment before. We could go there. On me.'

Instinctively, you reached for his hand, relishing in the warmth it held and brought into you. To your relief, he didn't pull away. Instead, you got your smile back, and a little light returned to his eyes. You were kind of glad you wouldn't be around when the light left him completely.

'Okay,' he said softly, surprising you with a gentle squeeze of your hand in his. 'It's a date.'

'Yeah,' you replied, trying and failing to push aside the fluttering sensation his words gave your heart. You were only prolonging not only your pain, but his.

Selfish. So selfish.

'Come on, you two,' Derek called out from the elevator. 'I can't hold these doors open forever. Savannah will kill me if I miss our dinner reservations.'

You both quickly made it in to the elevator before Derek let them close on you, and then you were caught up in the chaos that was your team. You weren't sure how you got onto the topic of what scotch goes best with what foods, but you didn't care. It made you happy to know they never let the weight of a dark case get in the way of living their own lives to them fullest.

You all reached the car park and before you could make a run for your car, Spencer called out to you. 'See you Monday, Y/N!'

You turned back around to face not only him, but Derek, JJ, Penelope, Alex, and David as they all slowly went for their cars too.

You caught yourself staring at them, taking their happy faces in one last time before you left them behind. Hotch said you'd always have a place with the BAU, but you weren't sure how long this mission would take. And if you'd be replaced by then.

You forced a smile onto your face and waved them farewell. 'Yeah, see you then.'

You hated the bitter taste the lie brought to your mouth, but you managed to keep it together long enough that you got in your car and drove out of the car park without any more issues. That's when the tears came.

You wouldn't be there next Monday, and were not getting that date with Spencer next week.

It hurt you more to think that you may not get that date at all.

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astromechs · 2 years ago

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2022 year in review

thank you for the tag @seek--rest

Number of stories posted to AO3:

2. Word count this year:

64,281 (this doesn't include things I didn't publish, and this doesn't include things I wrote in private rps with friends, so I have no idea what the actual word count is, that's just what AO3 told me from what I've posted lol, but I would imagine with all that put together it might be close to 100k)

3. Fandoms I wrote for:

taking the list from AO3 (in alphabetical order):

Captain America/Avengers (movies)

Daredevil (comics/TV)

Goncharov (1973)

Guardians of the Galaxy (comics/movies)

Jessica Jones (TV)

Moon Knight (TV)

Nova (comics)

Peacemaker (2022)

Scarlet Witch (comics)

She-Hulk (TV)

The Boys (TV/2019)

X-Men (comics)

4. Pairings:

ok so the list of all the pairings that got stuff posted to AO3:

Adrian Chase/Christopher Smith (Peacemaker)

Jean Grey/Wanda Maximoff (Marvel unless otherwise noted)

Gamora/Peter Quill

Steve Rogers/Natasha Romanoff

Gamora/Richard Rider

Matt Murdock/Marc Spector

Matt Murdock/Jennifer Walters

Matt Murdock/Peter Quill

Jessica Jones/Matt Murdock

Matt Murdock/Elektra Natchios

Queen Maeve/Starlight (Annie January) (The Boys)

Matt Murdock/Foggy Nelson

Matt Murdock/Richard Rider

Katya/Sofia (Goncharov lol)

Wanda Maximoff/Matt Murdock/Richard Rider

5. Stories with the most:

Kudos: this might be all i ever wanted (all i ever wanted to happen to me) — got right in at the She-Hulk finale hype so I think that helped to boost it

Bookmarks: same as above; people were really loving that one at the time it dropped!

Comment threads: whatever happens (happens to the both of us) — my first Peacemaker fic, and I think the timing of this hit when a lot of people were finishing up the show, but I'm really flattered and honored!

Word count: ghost behind my eyes

6. Work I'm most proud of (and why): I'm going to cheat and pick a few:

ghost behind my eyes — at 10,143 words, it remains my longest self-contained one shot, and I'm really proud of the character work I did here. Christopher Smith and his character development are really important to me, and here's to hoping that will continue in Peacemaker season 2!

standing at a broken altar (asking if we feel relief) — represented a whole new creative venture for me, featuring characters I (at least at the time) had never written into fic before, and I'm someone who's... honestly pretty lapsed, religion-wise, and writing this made me think about faith, how it's questioned, tested, and found again, in a way I haven't in a while. That's a theme I'd like to explore more in future writing — and I'm planning to do more of this through Matt.

almost paradise — the story that's been a long time coming for me. Gamora is literally one of my favorite characters of all time, and to say I... did not handle Infinity War well is putting it very, very mildly; that movie came out not that extremely long after a big personal loss in my real life, so losing a character that dear to me at that time was something I took really hard. This is the first time I've actually acknowledged her death in a piece of writing, and I'm proud of myself that I did.

7. Work I'm least proud of (and why): none of them? I don't usually post something unless I feel pretty good about it.

8. Share or describe a favorite review you received:

cannot express how much this comment made my year. yes, I do. when women.

9. A time when writing was really, really hard: Honestly, my biggest challenge surrounding writing is just... working around my own chronic illness (which involves episodic fatigue) and mental health struggles. For one of those reasons or both at the same time, there were periods of the year that made writing more difficult than others. I'm working on incorporating smaller, more manageable writing goals during those periods so that I can still keep working without exhausting myself.

10. A scene or character you wrote that surprised you: I wasn't expecting Matt Murdock Slut Era to extend for as long as it did, and yet here we are.

11. A favorite excerpt of your writing: from almost paradise:

What he deserves, he thinks, is to be left here, alone with ghosts because that’s all he’s fit to provide company for — maybe until he becomes one himself. Because, yeah, if Ego had been telling the truth, for all his words had been worth, with the destruction of his planet, Peter can do that now. That might actually be better for everyone involved, because all he does, clearly, is pull people into a total shitstorm or get them killed. Sometimes both.

But people don’t ever really get what they deserve, do they? His mom, the kindest person the universe would probably ever know, hadn’t deserved to die from a tumor in her brain, put there by an evil man she’d chosen to give her huge heart to.

And he doesn’t deserve a hand reaching toward him, pulling him up from the floor.

12: How did you grow as a writer this year: My writing got a lot smuttier LMAO But it also just... reflected a "fuck it, we ball" type of attitude that I'd been slowly embracing. Inventing ships, writing whatever the fuck I want. I've grown a lot, and I feel really liberated.

13. How do you hope to grow next year: I hope to continue just... following my bliss. I've come a really long way in not caring as much about an invisible audience and just writing whatever I want, and I aim to keep doing that. I aim to keep believing in myself in that way and going the distance with my screwball ideas.

14. Who was your greatest positive influence this year as a writer (could be another writer or beta or cheerleader or muse etc etc): Would like to thank the discographies of Massive Attack, CHVRCHES, and Taylor Swift for fueling my writing. Also anyone when I said "I'm gonna put these blorbos together" who said "do it".

15. Anything from your real life show up in your writing this year: I mentioned it before, but almost paradise was written during a depressive episode and I've joked it was me flinging out all my unresolved grief issues onto the page instead of going to therapy in December (using, you know, one beloved character of mine grieving another beloved character's death as a proxy), so. yes.

16. Any new wisdom you can share with other writers: Don't write to cater to an audience; write to cater to yourself. If you love what you do, readers can see that love, and they'll believe in it, too. Readers are really good at telling what is and isn't genuine, so the best thing to do is just... be yourself.

17. Any projects you’re looking forward to starting (or finishing) in the new year: I have an existing WIP to finish, and a few more ideas in the can! Featuring: more Vigilmaker, more self-indulgent blorbo ships I invented (featuring either Matt Murdock or Rich Rider or both likely), and GOTG Vol 3 about to wreck my life, so of course I would imagine a good bulk of my writing this year will be related to it. This is all I'll say.

18. Tag some writers whose answers you’d like to read:

(no obligation!) @paperprinc3 @literatigeek @sgtjamesrogers @mari--lace @quillsmora

#tag game #writing #* fic #fan fic

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mattzerella-sticks · 3 years ago

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Now that all three episodes are done... I've got some thoughts about the main mystery of Soldier Boy.

First off, not only will they be tackling the toxic masculinity at the core of Soldier Boy's personality (and I think we'll be seeing other characters grappling with it like Billy, Hughie, Homelander, etc.) but with him I also think we're getting into the beginning of the systemic brutality supes introduced by patrolling the streets to stop crime - a reference to the systemic brutality that persists in the real world, especially against minorities; which the show has hinted at in earlier seasons and progressively ramped up with every new season.

I mean it's at the heart of Marvin's issue with Soldier Boy - the very reason his family fell apart was because of him in ways we don't know yet. It dealt with the lawsuit, yes, but I can't remember what the lawsuit was about if they ever mentioned it. Just that it was against Vought. I had a feeling there was going to be something between Marvin and Soldier Boy, like they had a conflict wholly different from the main beef between the boys and the supes. Mainly from social media, it seemed like they were doing more together and had a closer bond than a few of the others. Hell, a source of the conflict might be Soldier Boy siding with the Boys against Vought - which rubs Marvin the wrong way because of the pain Soldier Boy caused his family, and others through his negligent and excessive actions.

And not to scapegoat him because what Soldier Boy did was inexcusable, but a way they will probably try and frame it within the story, as touched upon in interviews with Jensen, is his excessiveness in the battlefield is unresolved trauma from the war. I think this is clear when we see Soldier Boy going in on that guy with his shield and, even though we know they're toast, Soilder Boy hammers away. I think he sets himself on autopilot and goes at it until the episode runs its course. It worked during the war. The only problem is super heroics isn't war. Vought never should have sent him out in cities. Though Soldier Boy is still at fault here for not wanting to retire, which I think will tie in to both Homelander and Billy's arcs surmised by Homelander perfectly of people trying to make them retire, but they don't want to.

Soldier Boy didn't think there was anything wrong with him. And, given his prejudices we know he has due to Jensen telling us he's the most cancellable man on Earth, he probably didn't see anything wrong with the collateral damage he caused nor the people who were hurt in the crossfire or, like the man Blue Falcon killed, were mistakenly accused of wrongdoing.

Which I think is also why brutality by supes (which, at this point I'll say is supposed to reflect police brutality) will be a major conflict within A-Train's season storyline and explains why he is doing a Kendall Jenner-esque Pepsi commercial in his new suit. It also ties into recurring themes of corporations creating inauthenticity when pursuing real social issues through a capitalistic lens. It's also refreshing to see the supe lens turned inwards because for all of season 1 and most of season 2, with supes in the military whatnot, we got the metaphor of the supes being a representation of the American aggression overseas and how easily killing indiscriminately can be covered up when you are fighting an 'enemy', when you have the resources to cover your ass and "make sure nothing ever changes". But we also know Vought and the government do it here, too. We were introduced to it. And it was the major driving force of both Hughie and Billy's arcs in the first season. However this season we're getting a look at truly how pervasive this issue is, spanning decades and throughout the superhero community. So it makes sense that Hughie turned to a scorched Earth strategy because in this world the bad guy, Edgar, really has thought ten steps ahead on EVERYTHING.

Like, the Victoria reveal alone showed him how far down the line he's been planning what I think was his ultimate end goal from before Homelander - which was to get rid of supes once and for all.

He pushed to have supes in the military because he knew how disastrous it would be. He had someone on the inside pushing his second interest, which was to make sure supes never get in the military. His company perfects the V24 formula after rigorous testing and, like Bob Singer said, makes bank for the rest of his life off a government contract. I bet he came up with this plan after dealing with the ultimate diva superhero - Soldier Boy himself.

Which is why I think he might join with the Boys against Vought. Because he took down Soldier Boy.

I think bringing them down to Nicaragua was just an excuse to have the Russians 'kill' Soldier Boy and Vought would ferry him away so he can't bother anyone ever again. I think they did it - Edgar did it - because after all these years Soldier Boy started becoming too wildly than even they could control. Which is why he's so calm when dealing with Homelander, because he must have something to take care of him with. I mean, sure, Victoria would probably blow him to ashes. But also something else. This man does not go into anything without ten back-up plans.

However even the most prepared man can be caught off guard, and it's usually when whoever he's up against makes a choice against their nature, or one that is too risky. He's so safe and logical, he thinks everyone - at the end of the day - will make the same choices. He didn't expect Billy to finally show mercy on a supe, and give up any chance of being with his wife. He didn't expect Homelander to blow up like that at his birthday celebration. He didn't expect Stormfront's nazi past to ever see the light of day.

So I think them freeing Soldier Boy will be an ace up their sleeve in the fight against Vought, even if he goes back to work for the very same company. At least it might unsettle Edgar enough he'll be distracted. It might have him on edge if it's revealed he had a part to play in Soldier Boy's disappearance.

There's more I could say but don't see how I can make it tie-in so I'll snippet it in this paragraph. Soldier Boy's past being tied with Black Noir's in a way I hope we get from Black Noir's pov because I'm sure Soldier Boy had something to do with why he ended up scarred, even if it was Noir being in the wrong place wrong time. Marvin and Monique's divorce and the fact that her new beau might be drinking the kool-aid from Homelander. MORE OF FRENCHIE'S BACKSTORY (he's a little Dean-coded, too, no?) Kimiko working towards pushing past the trauma that keeps her from speaking, and what that means for the musical finale. How we're peeling back the layers on Soldier Boy and Vought's past before even meeting him in person, and what that means for the solid gold dancers bts photo that was shared (was it in the present or in the past?) How Marvin's shirt had NWA on it and, as Laz said, Marvin's shirts hint at plot points in the episode and I think the plot point was Fuck the Police.

I think I'll wrap this up and say Soldier Boy really adds an extra and much needed angle that the Boys were missing. I think this season we've seen Hughie and Billy go through their arcs and now they're in the free fall between arcs where they don't know what to do or who they are. I think we are going to see major developments with Marvin, Frenchie, and Kimiko (which I am EXCITED for). I think that Edgar is right, and that there shouldn't be any more superhero teams because it just leads to mess after mess. And even though that's how it might end, Homelander won't go down without a fight and will make good on his promise of scorched earth.

I still think (and hope) we get some gay Soldier Boy. Villainous dicks can still suck some dick lol.

Also it'd be very funny if Crimson Countess really fell into the trap of loving someone who wasn't into her (even though that might still be the case, I would personally prefer it being because he likes men more than women; but will also accept him saying she's gotten too old for him with a side of him being in a three-way with another man). Plus it would mirror the situation between Deep and Cassandra perfectly.

There's still more that will be revealed throughout the season, but these three episodes really laid the groundwork for everything I'm betting the show will tackle in the rest of the season.

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