#i don't mind at all when authors do that and i can just browse through chapters

[thursdayinspace]

i need an opinion on this please!

[penultimate-step]

Lately, I've been thinking about the effect of real-world time on perception of media. Or, wait, let me start from the beginning.

When I was 11, I read the book Ender's Game for some school assignment or another. I don't remember ever considering Ender a relatable character, but certainly my understanding of the events was shaped by being of an age to see the protagonist not so much as a young child but as someone of my peer group, someone who could have been slotted amongst my classmates without anybody batting an eye.

Over a decade later, I read the sequel, Speaker for the Dead; it takes place many years later, when Ender is in his thirties, and my feelings about the in-universe time skip were undeniably shaped by the real life time gap between my reading of the novels. Reading the first book back then and then the second book now created a feeling where it's almost like, I'm browsing the facebook page of someone I had known in middle school but lost contact with, checking up on how they're doing today. The real-time factor caused me to perceive it less like a timeskip, and more like a reunion - the feelings were closer to "oh wow, that's my boy! I haven't seen him in years! Wonder what he's up to?" Which in turn gave me a better position to appreciate the parts of the narrative about him struggling to find a place in his adulthood than I would have been had I perceived it more strictly as a quick skip from 11 to 20 to 36.

While musing about this, I considered a VN I played a few years back, which took place over three in-game days - except at the end of one in-game day, the game would lock you out from progressing for 24 hours real time. So that as the in-game investigator protagonist was ruminating on the information that had been discovered that day, the player would be forced to do the same. In this example, by forcing the player to experience the same timeframe as the in-game characters, the sense of it being an in-depth and extensive investigation increases, even though without the forced pauses the game would be short enough to blow through in a handful of hours real-time.

Which brings to mind how time effects things in long-running serial works. It's well known that an audience which watches an episode or reads a chapter week by week has a very different experience than one binging through whole seasons or volumes at a time, but I wonder if the real time relative to the in-universe time makes that effect stand out more? Fight scenes, for instance, have been known to take up several chapters in certain manga or webnovels. What does it do to the reader's perception, if from their point a view a fight takes a whole month, while for the characters they read about it's only been a couple hours? Readers might feel that the situation is more stressful, since the pressure of the fight has been ongoing for a long time for them, while in-universe it was a rough afternoon but no more than that. Contrastingly, when a series skips ahead or otherwise has long periods of time for characters that feel short for readers, it can feel like no time has passed and everything is still the same, unless the author really stresses the differences in world-state that occurred offscreen. Because the reader hasn't changed at all.

No conclusion here exactly, I just think it's interesting how often an audience's response to a work, the emotions felt, are more closely tied to their real-life timescale, something almost completely out of the author's control, as opposed to in-universe time, which can be intentionally shifted or played with for the sake of the narrative.

[bgyuus]

hear me out... gf who likes to read and always go to the local bookstore for books and her bf who knows nothing about novels yada yada but still accompanies her quietly and patiently.

got the idea based on a tiktok vid i found yesterday. pairings! shidou ryusei x y/n because he defo doesn't read novels. pure fluff with a goofy and a bit ooc shidou?

"nah y/n, i'm so bored can we go do something together, pleaseeeee?"

shidou whined. you laughed at his childish behaviour. who would've thought this big, scary looking man could act like a total baby. and the best thing about that is that he only acts like this around you and you only.

"where you off to, pretty?" he asked as he sits up on the couch, head tilting to the side with a quizzical look on his face. "to the bookstore. i heard that they have restocked (fav author)'s most latest release!" you said excitedly.

you immediately laughed when you saw how blanked your boyfriend looked. "it's okay if you don't want to go with me though, it'll be a really quick trip-"

"I WANT TO GO WITH YOU!"

shidou immediately changed into his proper clothes in a speed of light. 5 minutes later, you both were already heading down the stairs of your shared apartment, on your way to the nearest bookstore. "you're just making an excuse to spend time with me, don't you?" you side eyed him jokingly.

the taller man laughed. "nah, wanted to tag along so that i can protect my little insect here." you gasped at the nickname. "excuse me, you're the one who's the insect! you and your antenna like hair!" you shoved him playfully as you crossed the road hand-in-hand. "hey now, don't make fun of my hair or you'll be getting sting tonight," he said in a low voice, instantly knowing what he meant. "NOOOO SHUT UP RYUSEI!"

minutes later after walking, you finally reached your desired bookstore. you rushed in, forgetting about your boyfriend who panicked and tried to catch up to you. "let me carry the basket for you, m'lady," he offered as he took the basket from your hands. you smiled as you continued to browse for your favourite author's works. "ohh they're all here oh my god!" you squealed as you put them down into the basket. shidou quietly follows you around the store, not saying a word as he admired how the stars shined in your eyes whenever you saw a novel that fits to your liking.

"do you want anything, ryu? a volume of your favourite manga perhaps?" you asked. to be honest, you felt bad that he has to accompany you to do something that he isn't fond of. "hm? oh, no need i'm good," he said, blandly. you flinched a bit at his tone of voice. is he mad? is he starting to get bored of me? your thoughts ran through your mind as your eyes started to drop to look to the floor.

shidou noticed this of course. as your boyfriend of nearly a year, he'd notice these sudden change of expressions in you. "hey hey, don't be like that. i was quiet the whole time not because i felt bored or anything. i enjoyed seeing you happy and being yourself in your own space that's all. i would never get bored of you," he explained calmly, as he cupped your cheeks. "aww, come 'ere, there's no need to cry now. i'll never leave your side, my love," shidou pulled you into a hug, patting your head along the process. "thanks ryusei," you smiled, giving him a kiss on the cheek. you were so grateful to have a boyfriend like him <3

[destielfanfic]

from the inbox, #14

It's been some time since I answered some asks from our inbox. Here's some quick answer with links to our Tags Page.

I was wondering if y'all have any time loop recs. Just wondering if there's anything out there in that vein

The first fic that comes to mind is Second Verse, Same as the First by oatmeal_queen. This is a classic Groundhog day fic. We also have #meddling!gabriel tag and some in some fics Gabriel traps Dean and Cas in some other reality. It's not exactly a time loop, but they do realize that something is not right.

The Best Years of Our Lives, My Ass by ireallyhatecornnuts 

Destiel, Actually by bloodism

Trope Springs Eternal by violethaze 

Do you know any fics where cas is a baseball player?

We sure do! Check out our athlete!cas tag and A Fine Line by cloudyjenn!

Hi, is there any recomendations for super hero Dean? (Guess who watches the other kripke show

Check our #superheroes tag! And a quick tag search on AO3 brought up this fic:

one little Soldier Boy, left all alone by Castielslostwings [NC-17, 57,000 word count]

Known to the world as the all-American superhero called "Soldier Boy", Dean was raised by Vought International to be exactly that and nothing more. His life is all fame, fortune, and fucking. Objectively awesome, right up until the moment when he's accosted in an elevator by someone claiming to be his brother, a man who insists that Dean's entire life has been built on a lie, and what happens next changes everything. As if unraveling his true identity while on the run from his former employers—and the closest thing he's ever had to family—isn't enough, Dean's brainwashed best friend (who he is definitely not in love with, thanks) is hot on his trails with marching orders to take him out for good. What's a devilishly handsome superhero with a dick the size of his forearm to do?

Hi, I'm fairly new to the Destielfanfic scene and I wanted help on how to find specific kidfics where Dadstiel and dad!Dean's children are Claire and Jack. Can you help me please 🥹

Welcome to destiel and dadstiel! Fics with Dean and Cas raising their kids, together or separately, are tagged with #kid!fic tag on our blog. Feel free to browse all 10 pages of destiel kidfics, and when you are done with them, check out a brand new fic collection on AO3, Dadstiel Minibang 2024.

Hi! I’ve been hunting for a fic where Cas has chaotic Misha energy. I’ve checked hipster!Cas and fuckup!Cas tags but haven’t found one yet. Any suggestions?

Those are good tags to look through, but maybe they don't really capture Misha's chaotic energy. But then gain, what does? Check out #2014!cas tag which has non- depressive AU fics where Castiel's characterization was inspired by the endverse Cas. There's also a #snarky!cas tag.

It's hard to capture Misha's chaotic energy through Castiel's character, and it will always be a YMMV kinda thing. Here's a short rec list of some fics that capture at least some of his character better known traits.

And This, Your Living Kiss by opal_bullets (Cas loves poetry)

Castiel Novak: Tomb Raider by emwebb17 (Cas is a daring explorer)

Fearson’s floating cigarette. by orange_crushed (Cas is kind)

Freebies and Oak Trees by violue (unconventional celebrity Cas)

Go Down With This Ship by PorcupineGirl (Cas is self confident)

Lovingly Crafted and Tenderly Packaged by janie_tangerine (Cas is kind and caring)

One White Lie by komodobits (Cas is bad at lying)

Try-Something Tuesday by almaasi (Cas surprises Dean)

The Wish Machine by justkeeponwriting (Cas is selfless)

Destiel fanworks on AO3 - 118,470 (October 12, 2024)

You can find previous From The Inbox posts here.

If you enjoyed the fic, please drop by the archive (AO3) and let the author know with your comments and/or kudos!

[hollowingearth]

You definitely don’t care about this but I just want to say like thanks for putting out that post about caitvi and how people see that as domestic violence. A lot of people that don’t agree with that say that because they’re survivors of domestic violence, they know what it looks like and it’s not that. Like cool, but they never take into consideration that maybe someone else who’s experienced that sees that scene and identifies with the situation enough that they consider it as such. It just sucks seeing that take. Then they start blabbing about ‘complex female characters’ and etc

haha, thanks for the message, anon! of course i care about the topic! specifically the entire discourse reminded me of an article on how gendered stereotypes affect the perception of violence (specifically in regards to intimate partner violence) that i had to read for my criminal law class. like i said in the tags of that post, i don't really want to make definite claims on the subject because it's so complicated and i'm not even sure where my own mind is at (for exaplem, not to get even more people mad at me lmao, one could discuss vi's treatment of powder as children using similar lenses - and please note the use of similar here!! i know its fundamentally different because vi was also a lonely and scared little kid!). anyway, it just stood out to me while browsing through the tags that i could barely see mention of it despite Cait hitting Vi explicitly (with the barrel of a gun too and right after saying some of the most outwardly xenophobic lines we've ever heard her say in the series... ouch? seeing Vi whimpering on the floor, like she's back to being a kid hit by another random enforcer again just hurts)

anyway back to actually answering your ask, of course experience is so important, i feel like everytime someone speaks with that sort of baggage it comes from such a personal and delicate space that i can not help but silently nod and respect their perspectives. this is a fictional show and as great of a tool it is to discuss real life issues, i do not want to harm anyone in doing so. with that in mind, it is exactly because experiences are so vast and different that i don't believe being personally victimized by something (be it ipv, an illness etc) necessarily makes one qualified to speak on the behalf of the entire population that has been through it. that worsens when the discussion is, at heart, the classification of something so sensitive, as you said, maybe someone else who’s experienced that identifies with the situation enough that they consider it as such.

i do think there needs to be some level of objetive measuring, but i have exactly 0 authority on the subject to even think of proposing it (specially on tumblr of all places ha). sorry this was so long winded, btw, specially because my initial post was so simple, i don't usually walk in this neighbourhood i dont want to antagonize anyone lol.

[midnight-in-town]

Hi, sorry for troubling you. Actually I need some advice. If you think I’m too much of a nuisance please ignore me. I don't know other country’s history (not that I know much about mine). A few weeks ago I came across a post that the writer had used some historical terms to justify a character’s behavior. It had nearly 100 likes and seemed legit and persuasive like she was very knowledgeable but it sounded off to me. Those were just eliminable comic relief scenes and the character was caricaturistic. A human with a healthy mental state, average IQ, and a little sense of social grace wouldn’t act like that. The writer’s tone was hostile, too and she turned an accuracy question into a moral one. She liked that character so much that didn't even try to hide her anger. Even though the asker was anon she implied that she/he is a sucker for pretty boys and a misogynist. How would she know? I was convinced that something was off and with no hope of getting an answer, I emailed a history website and ask them if she was right, the reply was really surprising. Not just the character and those scenes but many other things are imaginary and her interpretations of those terms and conclusions are false. They told me that even the literature from that era can’t be trusted or used as reliable sources because it’s the nature of fiction to be fanciful and misleading. I sent the email to her adding nothing, assuming she’d feel guilty for implanting false knowledge in fans, but she said she had no time for haters. I don’t know anybody on Tumblr or that fandom, and no one would believe an outsider. They are already satisfied with the lies. If one cares about the truth, one searches for it. Even so, is there anything I should do? Do I have any obligation to do anything? Thank you.

Hey Anon! You are not a nuisance at all :)) although, to be honest, it's hard to give advice when I'm not fully aware of the situation you're asking about.

From my understanding, you disagree with how a blogger justified a character's behavior in a work of fiction, which was done by quoting wrong historical facts, therefore providing false information to other fans, and you're wondering how to rectify it? I hope I understood properly?

To start with, I'm sorry to say that this happens very often in fandoms across the internet.

Browsing through the internet, you will always find people who do not share similar views about characters, theories, world building, romance, authors' inspirations, etc leading to a huge gap amongst fans, depending on who agrees on what.

The reason why that exists is because people aren't always neutral when reading, therefore their opinions and expectations can color the story they read in a certain way, leading to some misconception and bias.

This literally happened in every fandom I know, so the first thing I would advise is to keep in mind that, even with good arguments, you cannot always change the mind of everyone you disagree with, because everyone reads/watches a story through a personal lens.

In other words, pick your battles: what do you accept to disagree on and what do you think is unacceptable misconception? That's for you to decide and to act on, knowing that even with good and reasonable arguments, some people just won't take your side.

Speaking of which, as a second advice: you strongly disagree with the original poster and you really don't want to let it go? Well, act on it !

Friendly reminder that, from the moment you're acquainted with a series and you enjoy it, then you already belong in its fandom. Who cares if you just joined Tumblr or if you just discovered this series? You're as much a fan as anyone else and you have a right to your opinions, just like anyone else.

So, what to do? Open the debate by reblogging the post and explain to the original poster why you disagree with her, by detailing your arguments.

Nowadays, not a lot of people comment or reblog posts anymore to offer additional thoughts: they'd rather hide behind anon mode but anonymity doesn't always allow for an open debate, on the contrary!

Myself as a blogger who receives some anon asks, I can guarantee you that I'm always nicer and more open to discussion if someone comes to me off anon, especially if it's to disagree with something I said. Because I put a blog's name on an idea and it brings a lot more humanity in the discussion. :)

Additionally, some people also think that disagreeing means being disrespectful, but that's not the case at all. You can always peacefully and kindly explain to someone why you disagree with them.

So gear up and be brave ! You disagree and it's important to you to explain why? Well, state your opinion high and loud with your blog's name, like a proud of fan of whatever series or character this is about. And again, even if you don't change their mind, that's okay, at least you stated what you had to say and that's what matters.

Lastly though, a word of caution.

To quote you : "The writer’s tone was hostile, too and she turned an accuracy question into a moral one. She liked that character so much that didn't even try to hide her anger. Even though the asker was anon she implied that she/he is a sucker for pretty boys and a misogynist. How would she know?"

As I was saying above, I think unfortunately anonymity in asks is used way too often and bloggers are from time to time fed up with getting asks or opinions without a name to address directly.

Additionally, a lot of asks are sent without necessarily taking the time beforehand to check whether or not the blogger was open to discussion on different subjects in the first place. Hence the hostile tone in answers from time to time.

Take my blog as an example: after ten years on this site, there are certain subjects that I either won't ever want to discuss or some opinions on some characters that I'm beyond fed up with. So anyone barging into my askbox as an anon on either aspects will end up deleted or blocked or maybe answered with a rather hostile tone, because I already stated my opinion ten, twenty or thirty times.

Sure it's not very nice and it doesn't please me to answer this way if I even answer, but I believe, as far as I'm concerned, that it's stated very plainly and often, enough so that people would know if they bothered to check for a second before sending an ask.

So I understand that the hostile tone and the misogyny allegations that you're describing aren't pleasing, but be sure to check why the hostility exists in the first place: is it really that the original poster is narrow-minded and can't be reasoned with ? Or is it that they are often faced with anons who don't bother acknowledging what she said in the past before asking ? Because that will definitely factor into how open-minded the original poster will be if you go for a debate.

TL;DR You can always disagree and discuss why with anyone in any fandom. However, choose your fights and, mostly, choose your weapons well:

state your opinions with your blog's name, in a reblog or in a comment, and definitely not as an anon, if you want to be taken as seriously as possible

always check beforehand about the blogger you want to debate with, so that you can understand who you're talking to a little bit better

be respectful as you disagree and all will go well

I hope it helps? Sorry if not. Have a good day Anon! ^3^

[underthetree845]

ask game

😅✍🛒🛠💖👀🤗

Hello darling! Thank you for the ask (<3)

😅 (What's a story or scene you've created that you're a smidge embarrassed exists?)- God, um, I have this one x reader thing I wrote, and it was the very first piece of fanfiction I ever came up with. I wrote it in eighth grade (T-T). It wasn't super terrible and I didn't say "orbs" instead of eyes even once, I just kind of didn't know what I was doing. No planning took place, it was just a little forced, but I'm kind of proud of myself for just getting it out. It was an Armin/fem reader thing where they were going to a party dance thing and there was a confession. Kind of like a less evolved version of my recent masquerade fic, actually. I guess I enjoy writing dancing. I know I was young and everything but I'm so thankful that I hadn't figured out that I could actually post on fanfiction websites yet, I kept writing and thankfully (at least I believe/hope) that I got better. ✍ (Do you have a beta reader?)- I do not. I'm not against it or anything, I just don't. I do have this one friend that I send e v e r y t h i n g I write to though, albeit after it's published because she's not really an experienced writer (not that she's bad, just not the right person to ask for feedback). She's even read that dance fic I mentioned in the previous question.

🛒 (What are some common things you incorporate in your fics? Themes, feels, scenes, imagery, etc.)- Mutual pining is a big one for me 😭. Whether it's friends to lovers (which is what I mostly write), strangers to lovers, enemies, coworkers, etc. etc. there will always be mutual pining at some point. Even if one has had feelings for longer and I depict the growth of the other's feelings (which I find really interesting). Also- random- but I feel like hand holding/focus on hand touches is always a light thing I find myself wanting to incorporate. Not sure why.

🛠 (What tools/programs/apps do you use to write?)- I like to use google docs. It syncs to my phone too so I can write on the way to school or in public if I'm bored, stuff like that. Straight up writing in the tumblr drafts scares me, it's too easy to delete O.o. I oftentimes keep one doc for notes (if it's a longer fic) and write the fic separately. Fun fact though, when I started out, I was actually using the notes app on my phone. That didn't last long, but I still have my first few unpublished 8th grade fics on there.

💖 (What made you start writing?)- Okay so what made me REALIZE that I liked writing was my English classes in school. I've always been a bookworm- ever since I was a little kid- so it was amazing to me that I was able to create stories and show them to people in the same way real authors could. So middle school me loved doing creative writing assignments, I always went way over the wordcount, I loved reading books, etc. etc. Eventually I start getting into fandom, and through internet browsing, I come across fanfiction for the first time. I have to say, it kind of blew my mind. It's hard to explain that I never really stopped reading as much as I did in middle school and elementary school, I just read a lot more ~digital works by unpublished authors~ now (and I still do read books, I'm currently reading Mistborn by Brandon Sanderson and I love it). The rest I kind of already explained. I tried my hand at it for awhile in the notes app, eventually made an account, read, liked, etc., started posting, and the rest is history. :)

👀 (Tell me about an up and coming wip please!)- *Rubs hands together.* Okay, so: First of all, I'm ALMOST, almost I swear! I'm almost done with the next chapter for my ongoing fic. I'll probably post it sometime next weekend (I don't know if you follow it but there's that). I'm currently working on a Dazai oneshot with the pocky game (you know what that is, right?) And then someone sent me a jealous Chuuya request which I plan on completing after my other two wips since they won't take long.

🤗 (What advice would you give to new fanfic writers that are just getting started?)- EEEE! Okay okay!

Dear new writers, WE ARE SO HAPPY TO HAVE YOU HERE. Please don't be shy! Reach out, interact, share your work (if you want to) and there will be people who say hello back! Remember, don't compare yourself to other writers. We all started at some point. We all had a first post, we all make mistakes, we're all human. On that note, don't beat yourself up about making it perfect! Getting out a first draft is a great first step. It can include notes, errors, run on sentences, and that's fine because it's a draft! You do not have to be perfect, none of us are. Do not feel bad about not having the time to write, or even if you do have the time but lack the energy. Take care of yourself first always! Remember to have confidence in yourself. You created something that wasn't there before and put it out into the world and it's a story and it's yours and that is amazing in every aspect. Don't give up on yourself, take care of yourself, be kind to yourself, and you will slowly but surely find your place in the writers' community! <3

Thank you again for the asks! I hope all of you sleep well tonight. <33

[dimplecki]

Tides are turning - Chapter 4

Masterlist

Pairing: Dean Winchester x Fem!hunter, Sam winchester X Fem!hunter 

Warnings: longshot, slowburn, violence, death, grief, language, light smut

Authors Note: this story takes place post season 3(with the exceptional flashbacks to the past), Sam died midway through s3 and Dean never went to hell. we experience the story through the eyes a female hunter who went to Stanford with Sam and joined Sam and Dean in their revenge quest after jess’s death.  she is Deans girlfriend but, well it's more complicated than that.

Summary: When Sam died the first time, Dean brought him back to life. He didn't tell me about the deal he made with that demon until Sam forced him to tell me. We all knew that Dean only had one year left to live, and we all tried to stop that from happening. The second time Sam died he was attacked by a demon close to Lilith and fought against it. he lost. One year after Sam’s mysterious death strange things start happening and I realize things are not as they seem.

Chapter 4

It was 5pm, I was in the office, but instead of working I was browsing the internet on my laptop and looking for new cases. Since the incident with Mr. Connors, or rather the demon inside him, I have not investigated a single case. And it's been a week already.

I read an article on a news website about a man in New York who choked on his pillow while sleeping. That's weird. Who chokes on their pillow while they sleep?

I wrote it down on my palm and thought about calling Dean to ask him for his car for the day. I knew it would require a very long campaign of persuasion. I was holding my cell phone in my hand when suddenly it vibrated in my hand.

A number I didn't recognize. again.

I rolled my eyes. It really isn't funny anymore, and I've lost my patience. Who’s this bored person who’s been pestering me like this for the past two weeks?

"Hello?" No one on the other line. surprising.

"Hello?!"

"Diana."

I felt my heart sink down into my panties. I couldn’t utter a sound. I recognized the voice immediately. It can't be. Just can't be. This is a sick joke.

"Diana, are you alone?"

"S-Sam?" I whispered barely.

"Meet me tomorrow at eight at the Lounge Hotel. Room 334. Don't tell Dean."

"A – "

"It's really me, Diana. I'll explain everything. Don't call back."

The call was disconnected immediately after these words.

I was shaking so hard the phone slipped out of my hand and fell to the floor. My head was about to explode, and my heart was beating too fast. I couldn't move.

I don’t know how long it had been; Two employees walking past my office and laughing loudly woke me up from my state of shock. I took a deep breath and stood up. I couldn't sit anymore. I picked up the cell phone from the floor and left the office,

saying goodbye to Ben and avoiding the boss on the way out.

Instead of taking the bus home like usual, I decided to walk. It will give me time to think.

Sam. Sam is alive. This sentence ran through my mind over and over, but its meaning was beyond my comprehension. I couldn't believe it was true, that he had been alive all this time.

Suddenly things started to fall into place. The demon that came up to me and asked where Sam was, the demon that supposedly murdered him and disappeared off the face of the earth, the mysterious phone calls, the continuous surveillance of me and Dean.

Don't tell Dean. I only have one secret from Dean, and it also has to do with Sam. But it belongs to the past. How can I hide this from Dean? Not even a person like me can keep such a secret.

Besides, how can I be sure it's Sam?

Maybe it's a Krikota, maybe it's Sam... except he's back as a demon. Maybe it's a trap.

I knew there was a high chance it was a trap, but on the other hand, if it really was – why would they call me and not Dean? Dean would go to the hotel without hesitating; And the bad guys know it too.

And maybe they called Dean too and told him not to tell me.

I wanted to call Sam again so badly, just to be sure... or just to hear his voice. But he said not to do it.

Should I leave Sam among the dead or allow the hope that he was alive to get the better of me? I had to know if it was really Sam.

Text Messages. How did I not think of this before? I took the phone out of my pocket and wrote.

'Prove it.'

I texted it to the number he called me from and waited, walking at a fast pace, not feeling my legs. A minute later the beep I was waiting for vibrated my cell phone and my heart.

'Would it help if I told you things only I know about you?'

'Yes' I replied immediately. I bumped into someone on the pavement, but I barely felt it. My head was buried in the phone. Buzz Buzz.

'We met because you approached me and said I had a beautiful smile. Back at Stanford we tried to have a séance to talk to your sister, but it went horribly wrong, and you made me swear not to tell anyone. That night we slept together, you left your red jumper in the car, and I haven't given it back to you since.'

Tears started flooding my eyes and my vision blurred. These were things only Sam and I knew. I didn't know what to think. I was shaking all over. It's not Sam, I repeated to myself. Sam isn't with us. It's some kind of creature that can read minds, a demon, or a shapeshifter, or whatever the fuck.

I kept walking for a few minutes and got home; I wiped the tears off with the back of my hand and opened the front door, exhausted and sweaty after the long walk.

Dean was in the living room, asleep on the sofa, the TV was on. I took a deep breath and closed the door, trying not to make any noise. Dean wakes up at every little noise, he was always a light sleeper.

I placed my things on the kitchen counter and headed to the bathroom, planning to take an hour-long bath.

I filled the bathtub with hot water, took off my clothes and immersed myself in the water. I left the faucet on until the water was almost up to my nose.

Was it really Sam? If Sam really lived, who did we bury? Why should he fake his death? Why would he hide it from us for so long? Or did he really die then, but came back to life now? Who brought him back, how, and why?

And the question that bothered me the most - if Sam is not dead, how is Dean alive?

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

((I was in my regular spot on the grass when Sam joined me after his class and sat next to me. I was eating a sliced apple from the box I had in my bag as he shared his dilemma with me - whether to be a criminal lawyer or a real estate attorney.

It's been two months since the beginning of the semester and I started to feel like I belonged. I was excellent in classes, especially in the ones that I could actually take pictures. Even the relationship with my mom improved. I dared to hope to myself that I might be able to live a normal life after all.

"So that girl, Jess," I hinted playfully, making a suggestive up-down movement with my eyebrows.

"Oh, Diana, don't start. Please." he said wearily, plucking grass from the ground. "I just met her like two days ago."

"So? It's obvious she has a crush on you. Are you going to sneak into her dorm or not?" I smiled.

"Shut up." He growled and threw the grass at me. I laughed wickedly. Sam was extremely charming, especially when he was uncomfortable. He was so easy to embarrass.  

We bonded very quickly, as far as I'm able to bond with people, of course. We had a strong connection, and it wasn’t so clear what it was based on.

Sam laughed along with me, rolling his eyes. "You're so annoying."

I pulled my camera out of my bag. "Hey look here." He looked up smiling at the camera and I captured the moment.

Now I have a picture of us together. More than that, I have another picture of him smiling. I felt as though it was worth a lot. Maybe just in my eyes.

The conversation stopped and Sam went silent. I looked at his face, he seemed to be deep in thought.

"So, Diana," Sam started to say in an odd tone, as if he was trying to sound lighthearted, but clearly there was something serious on his mind. "Your necklace..." He pointed to the amulet resting around my neck, a pentagram; for warding off demons and spirits. "I noticed you never take it off."

My heart skipped a beat, but I maintained a calm expression. "Yeah, well… I like it a lot. It was a present from my dad." Not entirely a lie.

"Mm," he said, his eyes narrowing skeptically. "And one more thing, when I walked you to your dorm room the other day, I saw books in Latin on your desk..."

I chuckled nervously. "I like learning languages." Where is he going with this? What could he think of me, that I have strange hobbies? I can live with it.

"Huh." He examined me closely. Suddenly he took my hand in his and ran his finger over the dry calluses on my palm from years of working with weapons. "And what about these?"

I pulled my hand back to my body defensively. I felt my face reddening with anger. What the hell is he getting at? "I don't know, Sam, probably dry skin." I said impatiently. “What's with the interrogation?'

Sam's smile widened and he looked at me in astonishment, as if he couldn't believe what he was hearing. "You're lying," he said, his face smug. I wanted to slap him right across his stupid dimples.

"Fuck, Sam," I said furiously. "What do you want? What's the point of this investigation? Is that what they teach you in law school? I'm not lying." I spat angrily and stood up. I wanted to go, I felt Sam cornering me, and I had no intention of admitting the truth. it's not like he would understand anyway.

"Wait!" He said and grabbed my arm, keeping me in place. "I'm sorry... it's just that..." he started to explain but couldn't seem to find the words. Then he showed me his right palm. "Look. I have calluses like yours too."

I raised my eyebrows in surprise. Whatever he was trying to tell me, I refused to understand. Then he pulled up his sleeve to show me a silver bracelet, adorned with a pentagram and several other charms for protection against demons and spirits. Not that he knows what that means...or...does he? How did I not notice this earlier?

I looked at him in confusion combined with amazement. My heart pounded in my chest. His eyes shone brightly at me, knowing. he nodded.

"Are you..." I started to say but stopped.

"Are you...?" he asked me back.

"A hunter?" We both said at the same time.))

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I got out of the bath an hour or so later, my head still racing with thoughts.

I put on comfortable, baggy clothes and headed towards the living room. Dean had already woken up.

He looked up from the book he was engrossed in and was slightly startled by my presence.

"Oh, hi. Didn’t realize you were home."

One quick glance was enough for me to know that Dean didn't know anything - Sam only called me. I sat down next to him.

I noticed lots of papers and books lying in a mess on the table next to the couch. Dean was in midst of research, and it wasn't hard to guess what he was working on.

“Dean – “

"If you're going to preach to me about this demon, keep it to yourself." Dean interrupted me impatiently and grabbed half of the papers that were on the table, sorting them out.

I looked at his hands as they lined up the pages. I wondered how one could find so much material about a non-existent demon.

"Someone's upset today," I mumbled.

"Yes, because I'm fed up. I can't find anything about this fucking demon! How can it be that for a whole year he doesn't leave a trace? How can he just disappear completely?!" Dean grunted and slammed the papers that a second ago he had been meticulously sorting angrily on the table.

Maybe because he never existed and this whole story is a lie, I wanted to tell him. For a whole year this has been going on, and for what?

"I'm freaking out, Dee." He said quietly, burying his head in his hands.

I caressed his shoulder helplessly. I couldn't see him like that. Something about it made me feel like it was my fault.

"Take a break." I offered softly. Dean leaned back on the couch and took a few deep breaths.

I waited for him to calm down to bring up the subject.

"Dean," I said quietly. "That day, when you were supposed to... die," I took a deep breath and thought about how to phrase this question.

"Yes?"

"Something happened? Did you feel anything?" I went for general rather than specific wording. Dean looked at me like I asked the strangest question in the world and shook his head.

"No, nothing. You were with me that day. Nothing happened. Why?"

I knew he was telling the truth. I had no way to explain it, and I nearly exploded at the thought of having to wait until tomorrow to get answers to all my questions.

Meanwhile I felt scared and exposed, as if the hellhounds were lurking outside our house right now and just waiting for Dean to open the door.

"No reason." I shook my head and leaned on his shoulder, closing my eyes. I couldn't even stand the thought of losing him.

"You okay?" He asked tentatively, stroking my hair which was still wet from the shower. He noticed something was wrong, of course. It's Dean and it's us.

"Don't worry about it." I murmured into his neck.

"So, I’m guessing you flooded the shower? As per usual?"

I smiled. "Shut up."

Dean chuckled slightly. I was relieved he changed the subject, but I knew; even if Dean didn't say anything, he was suspicious. And at some point, it will come up again.

I didn't know if I could keep quiet for long. Even though I technically hadn't lied to him yet, I couldn't help but feel a huge lump of guilt pressing down on my stomach and making it hard for me to breathe.

What was I getting myself into?

[lauvra]

Yesterday I came upon a book that I'd never heard of before, and familiar electric signals pulsed through my brain: this would be, like, my sixteenth Rollins. The book stayed firmly in my clasp while I browsed other shelves, even finally giving the occult quarter it's due but just before heading to the counter, opened the title page to tally my collection and saw something I'd never considered dreading; the man's signature. The book was priced at one hundred dollars. It was a collection of his LA Weekly Articles, a first in the 'Before the Chop' series, and I'd never read any of them. When I tell you how conflicted I felt, to know he signs most of his books... but not knowing how rare a find this was, only knowing he doesn't stock almost any books online anymore... I didn't buy the thing, I told no one in particular that he'd only laugh at me. Today, to stay out of trouble I sat to read in my unofficial booth out front my favourite bar and read most of Good Old Neon, by DFW. If anybody is sick of hearing about the guy, it's too bad, I've only known about him for two years (maybe I'd seen This Is Water, the commencement speech, however) and am still only thigh deep in his mind whether any of us like it... I've been sitting here for maybe half an hour in darkness listening to someone graffiti the tin fence beside my head. Every time I make a noise, they go silent, I think if I make apparent enough human sounds they'll flee but they don't, so, instead of sitting here silently paranoid it's someone I'll know, I've opted to open this doomed laptop back up and write in my dark corner, with the unflattering angles of my face illuminated to any stranger that deigns to peek through the holes in the wall; most of which I've already shoved pieces of garbage through to conceal myself in the case of such an event: I'm a lunatic. If I can keep my composure and write even though my psychotic paranoid mind wants me to focus on whoever is writing on my house, I think I'm doing well. Where was I? Good Old Neon. So, I'm actually reading The David Foster-Wallace Reader, which is almost as thick as Infinite Jest, but far more approachable in that it's a series of carefully selected chunks of both his larger works, and short stories... okay, one guy just whistled to another, literally too subtle, bro, I am dying... most followed by annotations from prominent authors. So far, a couple have been pretty difficult to read, difficult in that they reference suicide and... with such an intelligence that only comes from somebody who has considered the 'awful thing' from pretty much every single angle. If you somehow didn't already know, David killed himself in 2008, which makes these quasi-fictional stories all the more coloured in their already sincere condensed nature. Okay I literally can't concentrate, and all I want to do is sneak down the alleyway to see WHO IS DOIN WHAT. I can't even edit this right now, such is my distraction. I still pay way too much attention to the writing on every wall. Oh God, there's even a skateboard, I wanna fart. Loud.

[kelpiemomma]

🥤 ⇢ recommend an author or fanfic you love

🕯️ ⇢ on a scale from 1 to 10, how much do you enjoy editing? why is that?

💌 ⇢ how many unread emails do you have right now

🍦 ⇢ name three good things about a character you hate

🪲 ⇢ add 50 words to your current wip and share the paragraph here

🥤 ⇢ recommend an author or fanfic you love

Observe When I Am Dead by Augment on AO3

It's one piece fanfic but god. It's so genuinely beautiful to me. Something about sacrificing yourself despite the pain, trying to keep it from the one you adore, the one you want to protect. Luffy waking up and finding Zoro at the end... I have read it many nights when I want a solid finisher to my AO3 browsing. I can never follow it up with anything.

🕯️ ⇢ on a scale from 1 to 10, how much do you enjoy editing? why is that?

I edit as I write so I guess 5? I don't mind it, but I'm definitely not the person who finishes their writing and then goes through and re-edits. I don't have the attention span for that. The only time I went through and re-editing anything was for the original ending of Lifetime Guarantee, but that was a full-on rewrite because I didn't like the ending.

💌 ⇢ how many unread emails do you have right now

Entirely too many over 4 different email addresses. A few thousand, mostly spam.

🍦 ⇢ name three good things about a character you hate

I feel put on the spot. I can't think of any characters I hate off the top of my head. If someone can point out a character I've said I've hated please do and I'll try to list 3 things about them?

🪲 ⇢ add 50 words to your current wip and share the paragraph here

I have two wips I'm working concurrently on right now so-

AO - Ch 3

"While Dawn and Johanna’s home remained firmly in Twinleaf Town, Cynthia’s family home - and most of her research - was settled in Celestic Town. Cynthia spent most of her time with her wife and stepdaughter, but upon learning that they were researching the Lake Trio she had offered to meet them at her old home instead. There had been a discussion on which lake to visit first before they decided to hit Lake Acuity, as it was out of the way, before traveling down to Lake Valor, and then heading back to Twinleaf Town and Lake Verity. Dawn would be able to visit her home and, if all went well, they would have a safe place to regroup and discuss their findings."

PiaP Series - "Twins"

"“My daughter? She’s four. She’s lovely. Someone… well. She’s adopted. But I adore her, I love my daughter immensely. She’s brave and has always known what she wants; maybe I spoil her a bit too much, but there isn’t much I can offer her… she seems to prefer my company to anyone else’s, apart from perhaps my pokemon, and trying to convince her to go on her first sleepover was a challenge. She had thought I would be coming with her. Ah, do you know what a sleepover is? It’s an activity where you-” Glancing up and finding that the Sneasel was still looking at him with interest, and therefore sufficiently distracted from her leg, Ingo quickly twisted and pushed the limb back into its correct position and placement. The Sneasel shrieked in surprise and, just in case, Ingo braced himself for the sting of claws cutting into him. Instead he received what could only be described as scolding chatter. He leaned back and raised his hands."

[navstuffs]

Temporary annoyance

REQUESTS ARE OPEN

Pairing: Robert Pattinson x Female Famous!Reader

Summary: "hi! i don’t c any rob fics so could u do a robert pattinson x female¡ famous reader where she does an interview with another famous actor and he ends up getting a little bit jealous but she reassures him that she only loves him? thank you <33"

Warnings: none, comfort and fluffiness

Authors Note: Thank you so much for this request anon. this will be my first fanfic for Rob so i hope you like it! i hope you don't mind i chose Chris Evans

Robert met (Y/N) during a party after the Oscars. They were introduced by Tom Holland that made sure to talk about Robert's crush on her. When Tom finally left them alone, (Y/N) shared timidly she also had a crush on him since Harry Potter. They exchanged phone numbers, rapidly becoming friends until the first kiss happened and then becoming boyfriend and girlfriend. When (Y/N) shared the news on Instagram, with a picture of their backs watching the sunset at the beach, the internet got on fire.

Robert always had preferred to keep his personal life private, but the journalists would catch a smile when they asked about (Y/N). They would try to tease him, asking if Rob felt like the luckiest man alive to which he would reply "Yes" embarrassed. Especially now that you were in an acclaimed romantic indie movie with Chris Evans. All the critiques were about your chemistry with Evans that was called "out of this world."

Robert had no worries about (Y/N)'s feelings. He knew he loved her and she loved him back and the industry was like that. But sometimes some interviewers would get on his nerves. He wouldn't call it jealousy per se, just a temporary annoyance.

That night, Rob was sitting down on the sofa while (Y/N) prepared a sandwich. He kept browsing through channels until she arrived so they could watch something together, when (Y/N)'s face appeared on the TV. She was being interviewed about the new romantic movie, Chris at her side. She seemed embarrassed to something Chris said when the reporter asked her:

"Same question to you (Y/N), how is to work with Chris?"

"Chris is amazing. He is great. I mean, no words really can describe how good he is. He and I had such great chemistry."

"One of the reasons of the movie being a success is this connection. Can you two try to explain it?"

"I didn't know him very well before, but we clicked right away. I think cause we had so much fun during the whole process, right Chris?" (Y/N) smiled at Chris and he smirked back, charmed. Did Robert notice a tiny hint of red on Chris's cheeks? He hoped not.

"As she said, we just clicked away. Working with (Y/N) was an unforgettable experience. I learned so much from her."

"Do you feel the same way, (Y/N)?" the reporter was really teasing her at this time, but (Y/N) didn't seem to realize yet.

"Working every day with such a great guy like him, I mean, I am thankful. I have learned a lot from him as well. We are both from different backgrounds, different experiences, so it was nice to share all of that."

"Can I just ask cause the fans are dying to know and it is normal for costars: Did you develop a crush? Not a tiny bit on each other?"

Unprofessional. Who the heck allowed reporters to ask that? Rob crossed his arms, shifting around on the sofa, uncomfortable. It is the industry, think about the industry and stay calm, Rob thought.

"Oh God, no!" (Y/N) exclaimed, visibly embarrassed as the reporter giggled. Chris had his hand covering his mouth, looking at (Y/N). "Only professionally. I can't wait to see more that he will do."

"Same. I will probably love everything she is in it."

(Y/N) walked back to the living room when the interview was almost done. Her manager warned people were going to think something was going on between her and Chris, but she knew her feelings were fraternal towards him. She had been dealing with a lot of questions about him lately and she understood those were normal, but it was getting too much.

"So, you have a professional crush on Chris Evans?"

Rob's questioning tone was teasing, but deep down she knew he was jealous. (Y/N) sit down on the sofa, placing the plate on the table in front. She rubbed him on the shoulder, feeling his body tense.

"I mean, Chris is great. You would have a crush on him if you knew him better as well...Professionally, I mean!"

"I see."

Robert kept his arms crossed, his head turned to the other side, quiet. (Y/N) got up, sitting on the other side of Robert. Did her man have pouty lips? Oh, he sure did. He looked like a big kid upset, pouty lips, frowny face. Why did he still look so pretty although he looked like a child that was denied his favorite candy?

"Rob? Don't tell me you are jealous?"

"Jealous? Me? No? Who is jealous, definitely not me." Robert grunted, looking at anywhere but her. (Y/N) grabbed his face with her hands, his blue eyes had no chance but to stare at her.

"I will say this slowly Robert, so you understand: I am with you. I love you. No one else. Okay?"

"Mhm."

"Screw them for thinking that. We know what is true right? And it is you. It has been you for a long time."

(Y/N) saw the usual corner smile appear on her boyfriend's lips and proceed to kiss it. She kissed his nose and forehead, licking his cheek, finally getting a chuckle.

"Ew, (Y/N)."

He grabbed her hips, putting her on his lap. They nuzzled, (Y/N) hiding her face on his neck, Robert holding her tightly, rubbing her back. He loved her so much. And he loved being reminded how much (Y/N) loved him.

"I love you too. I hope you know it" He reassured his feelings, whispering.

"I do."

Robert hummed back, satisfied. He was happy with (Y/N) on his arms like this. There was nothing else in the world that he needed, except her. As long they were together, everything would be okay.

[olderthannetfic]

From what I've gathered reading your blog you seem to be very much pro-kink, even the ones most people would find 'gross' and until very recently this was something I agreed with. Fantasies are just fantasies and don't have any meaning on reality, right? But lately I decided to browse through some masochistic kink tags on Tumblr out of bored curiosity and what I found made me feel sick to my stomach. Teenage girls (that's what they mostly were) posting about being raped, made into sex slaves, being 'put in their place as women' by men, it all seemed like something out of a misogynist's wet dream. I don't know what I expected by checking in those tags in the first place, but I didn't think it would be that extreme. It just seems hard to imagine a young woman posting about being bred like livestock as is her place as a female and going back to having a healthy view of herself and others as women when she's done. Especially teenagers, since their minds are still growing and being molded by what they experience. It reminded me that I've been seeing a lot BDSM bleeding (heh) over into mainstream vanilla sex, like choking and beating. It just seems like maledom is becoming synonymous with sex and sexuality itself, and I don't think it's natural. Femdom is still and always was very niche, so unless someone wants to argue that women are naturally more masochistic than men I think a lot of female masochism is a result of living in and being influenced by a male-dominated world and should not be seen as healthy and encouraged. This ended up being a lot longer than I expected, but you generally have pretty good takes on things and so I was curious about your opinion on this.

--

Nonnie...

Uh...

I don't mean to be rude here, but misogyny kink + rape kink is basic-ass stuff that's everywhere. Hucows are a staple of crappy image board porn sites full of anime art. If this seems shocking and extreme to you, I don't think you've explored freaky porn spaces very much. This is what I'm talking about when I roll my eyes at fandom wank about "extreme" fic within fandom.

When I personally was 14, I was reading snuff stories with dudes jizzing into bullet holes. The ones that weren't about shooting featured long, detailed descriptions of strangulation. Plenty of them also featured misogyny kink, but my favorite author and photo essayist was always writing about herself as a murdered corporate spy and shit like that without any particular misogynistic element. She'd make her husband cart her around and take photos of her playing dead.

My favorite movie was Crash. It just spoke to something inside of me.

I am far healthier for having been able to explore that through fiction without being yelled at and told I was mentally ill. Kinks develop early, and you cannot make teen girls not have rape kinks. They're one of the most common human sexual fantasies that exists!

We don't know where these things come from, but pathologizing them or imagining they come directly from art teens are looking at right then is shitty. Many people can trace the kinks they find sexual as adults back to things they were obsessed with in early childhood. I think it's possible that misogyny kink would decline somewhat if society got less misogynist, but rape kinks aren't going anywhere, and this kind of social change would be years too late for anyone who's currently a teen even if you could wave a magic wand today.

It just seems like maledom is becoming synonymous with sex and sexuality itself

Nonnie... Where have you been?

First of all, that's all of society for thousands of years. Second of all, as I always say, most people are bottoms:

Most people don't want to be the one doing the work. They want to be the one done to.

Many women are attracted to men.

Actual men expect a lot of babysitting.

Ergo, porn where a man does things to a woman while she lies there like a dead fish, needing to make zero decisions and zero effort to cater to him is very popular.

You see women thinking real rapists are sexy. I see women with a fantasy of finally not having to do all the work.

--

"Femdom is still and always was very niche"

This is straight up bullshit. Femdom is extremely popular, but it is popular among men.

Dude-oriented porn is full of this kind of thing, and it is a fantasy, yet again, of being done to. These dommes dress up in scratchy-sounding lingerie and spike heels and have their wicked way with nerdy, helpless dudes. I wish those dudes all the fun in the world, but their anatomically improbable erotica does not do it for me because it is, like so much else, about a kink dispenser providing for a deserving subject.

Women are not more naturally submissive. Everyone likes to be the pampered recipient rather than the one putting their back into it. You're just only looking at places full of women's porn.

If you hung out on gelbooru or rule34 or e621 or any of the sites with active comments sections, you'd find a very different picture. Try looking up Link. Dudes love Link. It's a handful of guys going "I'd show him what a real man is" and seas and seas of men who clearly identify with Link and want to watch him get dicked down by everybody from Ganondorf to dogs to dickgirls.

Dudes produce a ton of porn where big titty librarians and strict schoolteachers smack around little girly boys while insulting their manhood. Sometimes, they're futas with big dicks. Sometimes, they just use big strap-ons. It's a whole Thing. You just don't see it because you're hanging out here and on AO3.

--

Our kind of spaces always want femdom-for-women to be popular, like it's more self actualized to want to be on top.

This attitude is incredibly toxic. It ignores everything we know about healthy BDSM. It pathologizes bottoming. And it asks sexual fantasies to fulfill a representation quota.

This isn't how desire works.

I'm sorry if I sound testy, but what you sent me is bog standard kink hating. I've seen this exact song and dance so many times, right down to the total shock over kinks that wouldn't even register as unusual on a porn site.

[darkficsyouneveraskedfor]

Forbidden Lessons XIV

Masterlist

Hi again.

Warnings: noncon, age gap, abuse of power, coercion, trauma, depression. Y'all know I do it dark and spicy. You have warnings, use them.

Thots, comments, screaming, and feedback are welcome and highly encouraged. Thank you!

There is no escape. Home offers no refuge from campus, nor campus from home.Your mother didn’t like the scarf you made her and you didn’t say anything about her lack of gift. You tell her you love her but you don’t know what you feel for her. Or about anything.

You return to college just as aimless as when you left. Your only comfort is your solace, not that it offers much relief. Being alone means there’s nothing to stop your mind, to keep the thoughts from bubbling over.

You sit against the wall on your narrow bed, scrolling through your schedule, dread rising up your chest. You stare at the name. Laufeyson. You search the catalogue. There are no other sections available. He teaches both.

You browse and write down alternatives and book an appointment with a counselour. It’s all you can do. You close your laptop and go to sleep, the uncertainty of a new semester’s beginning swirling in your stomach.

You wake up, dress, drink some tea, and forget about the toast in the slots as you head out. With an empty stomach and racing mind, you arrive at the registrar and join those waiting in the seating area for the academic counselours. You check the time, over and over, until your name is called.

You enter the small room, the older lady on the other side of the desk welcoming you. She confirms your name and is quiet for a moment as she reviews your schedule.

“It says here you want to switch HIS107, but it’s required for your degree,” she sits back, “a prerequisite for most second year courses as well.”

“Oh, isn’t there any equivalent? I was looking at the course Writing and Editing. I know it’s not in the history section but–”

“I cannot substitute an English course for History if said option is still available,” she tisks, “not without good reason. You have no conflicts within your schedule.”

“I know, but I can’t… be in that course.”

“Any particular reason aside from the 8am start?” she asks sardonically.

You nearly swallow your tongue at her tone. You drop your shoulders and stand. “I’m sorry I wasted your time.”

“Have a good day,” she says tritely as you near the door, “next time, I recommend the online helpline. It will save us all energy.”

You emerge into the burgeoning crowd of the registrar. The worst part of college is how you feel like no one. It's not that high school was any better. But now, not even the institution cares; they just want your tuition.

Maybe, you ponder as you come out into the January snow, Professor Laufeyson taught you an important lesson after all. Maybe you are worthless.

💚

You don't know any of your professors, only him. A restless Tuesday has you a wreck on Wednesday. 8am and you're exhausted, drained from a night of grim anticipation.

You're not the first to show. No, one of the last as you skirt in at the minute mark. You enter from the back and sit behind a group of guys that smell skunky.

You open your notebook, focus on opening it, as aim the ballpoint at the paper. Your heart beat thrums louder and louder. Until he speaks.

"Good morning," Laufeyson's timbre carries easily back to you, "welcome back. I'm certain you are all well rested after your holiday."

He receives a grumble from the sea of sleepy students. It's almost laughable. He clicks the pointer in his hand and changes the slide.

"Let us review the syllabus. You will find this under course files. Here you will see all the relevant details…"

Your ears throb, as if loud music pounds around you. Your jaw aches as you grind your teeth and your fist closes around the thin Bic. Your vision pinpoints on the professor's distant figure as you watch his lithe authority.

He nears the first row, looms there. You squint but can't quite see clearly. You hear a snap and look down at the puddle of ink staining the notebook, the plastic case broken and bent.

You want to run. You want to flee. It's too late now.

You wipe your palms on the blank space of the paper and tear it out, crumpling it up. The next is blotched with the overflow but not irrevocably so.

You don't jot down a single word. The introductory course runs short of the usual three house block. You don't move when dismissed, instead you glare at Laufeyson.

What sick fate forces you to sit through his presence? Your eyes well and blur your vision. You quickly swipe them away as students slowly evacuate in talks of coffee and naps.

You frown as you see Laufeyson at his podium, head bent but eyes flicking up. There's a girl you recognise from last semester bent over, gathering up her things. You keep low and slide out of your seat, hiding behind the next row as you get to your hands and knees.

You cover your mouth and hold your breath as you hear the soft leather soles and his rich voice breaks the vacant silence.

"Need some assistance?" He offers.

She giggles and accepts. The shuffle of paper and whisper of zippers follows.

"I remember you from the Fall. You did very well."

"Thank you," she trills, "I love your style. So easy to digest."

"Oh? Well, that's very nice, usually my students have a much different opinion."

Your stomach curdles as you crawl to the end of the row and peek down. You can barely see his head.

"You're so smart!" She strokes his ego unknowingly, "the final paper though. Fifty percent."

"I'm always around to help," he assures, "and you never disappoint. You've potential, darling, I should know. Someone like you, you'll go far."

"Oh, well, thanks," she says giddily.

"Truly, a beautiful woman with a brain, how rare," he purrs.

"Professor," she squeals, "please, that's too much–"

"Dont!" You clatter up to your feet clumsily and storm down the stairs, nearly falling over as your bag bounces on your hip, "don't listen to him. He's a liar–"

Loki rolls his eyes and his hand goes to his hip, "now that is unbecoming. To eavesdrop."

"He's a… bastard!" You snarl, "he will lie to you and then throw you out–"

"You see, she is simply upset because she earned only a C in my first semester. Not like you, she finds much difficulty in her work–"

"Uh," the other girl looks between you, panting and furious, and the addled professor, "I should go. My roommate is buying us lunch and I have to help set up."

"Run, fast," you warn.

She gives you a sheepish look and quickly flits past Laufeyson. His lips thin and he watches her go. The door shuts loudly and leaves you in tense silence.

"You little bitch," he marches towards you, grabbing the front of your jacket as you stand face to face, at his level as you linger on the bottom step, "what do you think you're doing?"

"Saving her," you breathe as you grasp his hands, his strength surges as he trembles in rage, "what do you care about any but yourself?"

"I don't need some pathetic jealous little girl haranguing me. Do not think I will not still have you ejected. From this class in the very least and I know you need it–"

"I don't need you," you wriggle away from him, shoving away his hands, "and neither does she or any one else. You're a monster."

"You tread a fine line," he girds.

"I don't care. Don't you understand, you left me nothing to care about?"

"You're young, melodramatic. You'll get over it, find some dweeb with his nose in a book, marry, have boring sex every blue moon, pop out a tiny grunt, and wish you were with me. That I'd kept a blithering pet like you."

You inhale. You're crying again. You hate that he can see. The tears that never stop. You sniff them back and heave.

"No, I won't do any of that."

You shoulder past him, jabbing him with your elbow, and rush away. You haul open the door and stagger into the corridor as your bag swings awkwardly from your other arm.

There's nothing. Not now, not ahead of you, it's all so bleak. What's worse is you don't think you can keep it from happening to someone else

[allthefeelingsthatgrewinme]

Do not cheat you piece of shit

Pairing: Erwin Smith x reader

Warning: author tryna be funny writing, slurs, cheating(not erwin), age gap but not mentioned how much, reader is an adult, secretly simping hard, one sided love, terrible grammar, lotsa misspellings

A/N: so its my first time to write. Lotsa dialogues but mostly reader. I want to read something funny with erwin but yeah those are hard to find so if you know any please i beg of you SHARE!!! Its also based on my dream hehehe. There prolly be parts but i dont outlined shit so im just writing whatever. Teehee.

You walk ran? Ran walk? Whatever that's called, as fast as you could with your little legs towards his house, to the rescue, after receiving news that his girlfriend of six m*th*rf*ck*ng years cheated, got m*th*rf*ck*ng caught in their very own bed!

How can someone do that, cheat on their lover specially when said lover is set in life, from life insurance to complete training attendance on the ways of proper parenting.

Six years, down the drain just because she itch so much she couldn't wait for her boyfriend to come home from an overseas prestigious seminar for genius people by the genius rich people.

Reaching Erwin's two storey mansion with a big ass tree house in the backyard (told you he is serious), you didn't bother to knock, just straight up walk inside his home through his kitchen door at the back. And there he is,looking terrible, hunched over his laptop, grading spreadsheet on screen, and college research papers, scattered all over his dinning table, to grade.

"Wooah wow. You look like shit." Was your greeting.

"Hello, dearest friend, and good afternoon too. Yes, you may come in, the front door is open. And yes, I am well. Thank you for asking." And he have the audacity to smile at you with red rimmed eyes, unshaven face, messy and greasy hair probably from the wax he uses, all in his glory, wearing his tomato catsup stained shirt and avocado printed grey sweat pants.

"S'rry wasn't used seeing you like....that."

"Hmmm. As you can see, I am doing well." Is what he said gesturing at himself as if to say that he look normal as always and then picked up his red pen, started reading lines and lines of boring bordering between intelligent words on paper and straight up bvllsh1t w33d induced jumbled letters on paper.

"Erwin." You always call him eyebrows but this time you know that he is hurting and so that hurts you too. But what comes next out of his lips hurts you more than you should as you are only a friend. "This is probably what I get for waiting too long after buying that ring."

"Erwi-" you tried to stop him.

"Always waiting for the right time and now missing it." He continued.

"Stop-" Hands on your hips and eyes on his downcasted ones, you told him to stop and "saying that as if its your fault she cheated, that as if its your fault she chose to destroy what you both have. Its not. If its anyone, its all hers. She is the one at fault. Not you. Definitely, not you. Alright?"

"I should have given her more attentio-"

"You did! You never miss an occassion." To the point he was never let to go out with the group.

"You're always surprising her with dinner dates, cooking the food yourself." You remembered how lonely you felt when he forgot you invited him for your birthday party. That day made you realized how you felt about him and that you shouldn't feel anything about him you so kept a distance ever since.

"All the low calorie and high protein recipes you keep in mind because she is concious of her figure, you even wear whatever she wants you to wear, whether it be perfum, shirts or whatever." You kept your distance but you couldn't help to notice some changes in him. Like that very serious face he got when browsing the net of food to cook.

"You did gave her a lot of attention so don't give me that self-depreciating shit you're spouting. Stop shitting about yourself, eyebrows. You're too old for that shit." You defended Erwin against himself almost outing your feelings but gladly even thought this man is smart as hell, he is one oblivious thick wall, so you're safe except from Master Levi's disappointed eyes.

"You should really stop hanging out with Levi." Is what the dumbass said after all what you told him.

"You're absorbing him at this point-" a playful eyeroll from you.

"like a sponge from those super grocery stores and that is a lot of absorbing, Cheri." Cheri, the nickname Hange gave you because they couldn't be bothered to practice pronouncing your name right so it sticks in the group.

"Too late. I like hanging out with Master Levi."

"More than me?" He asked you with raised magnificent eyebrows.

"... no. I like hanging out with you more." Well he wasn't feeling well so it wouldn't hurt to be honest sometimes is what you thought.

"You're just saying that now becau-"

"I said I like hanging out with you more. Comfortable. Safe. You're good shit. Thought boring before but eh you make things interesting. Wouldn't even know that Michelangelo is so horny on main he painted nudes in a church or that story about two scupltor brothers making a lucifer statue that was just so hot for a church but the church is just so done with 'em brothers so they just let chad lucifer statue be displayed there." You mumbled jumble hocus focus your way around saying that he is a great person and atlast you heard him chuckle softly. How is this big man be looking stoic but so gentle at heart. Probably the reason college students loves him so much.

"So, what will you do now?"

"For the first time in my life, I do not know." He wore that tiny smile that barely stretch his lips and looked back down at his hands.

"How about gathering her things and burning it. I'll help you." You suggested with a wide evil grin

"I don't want to be arrested for arson." He denied you as he sweep his eyes down your hands and now finally noticing the big eco bag you've got with you.

"That's.." he trailed off.

"A big ass ice cream. Yes." You answered

"Cookies n' cream?"

"My favorite craving at the moment."

"Here." You placed the big pail of ice cream on the table. "Eat this shit for every meal. Its in the 101 ways on how to cope from stupid people by the more stupid people."

"How will.. that won't fit in my freezer."

"Then eat all of it? I help you? Or if we still can't finish it, that's a you problem. I'm out." You told him as you reach in the cupboards for cups but you can't reach it so you forgo cups for ice cream and decided to just eat it with spoon straight from the container. Master levi would be really disgusted at you but good thing everyone else in the group, except you, are super busy and not here. After all you're just an assistant of the assistant in the engineering research department.

"We are going to mope for a few hours, and then we'll gather her things, and also like return that ring so you won't do stupid shit like proposing to her." Is what you listed at him as the two of you eat ice cream like the scroundel you both are according to Master Levi.

"You're moping too? Why?"

"'Coz I've gotta deal with your eyebrows right now."

"I think that's also one of her reaso-"

"Oh shut it. You just want me to say you're eyebrow's game's on flick. I won't so shut it. Eat the damn ice cream I had to bust my ass carrying getting here. I hate your drive way by the way. Why is it so spacious? Such a waste of space and unnecessary." You ranted and let words just flow out of your mouth to disguise your blush. Unknowingly to you, Erwin smiled genuinely, always have felt lighter and safe whenever he is around you.

[jennagrinsoverml]

hey, i love ur fic recs! i am wondering, what exactly is ur strategy for finding the fics specific to the pairing/trope that you want to read when ur putting together ur lists? like when u are searching, how do you sort it on ao3 to find what you are looking for in good quality ig? idk if this really makes any sense but when i search for something that i want to read based on how im feeling idk how to start? like should i go by most kudos?? etc. sorry if this makes barely any sense lol

Thanks, anon! 😊😊

Haha, my strategy is a little all over the place? Generally I start with my bookmarks and scan through to see if there's any fics there that fit the parameters of the request. And sometimes as soon as I read the request, a fic will come to mind and I'll go looking for it.

I'll also usually check out my favourite authors to remind myself of what they've written that I haven't bookmarked that might fit, since there are certain authors where pretty much everything they write is gold: @carpisuns, @chatonne-rousse, @coffeebanana, @emsylcatac, @kasienda, @lnc2, @karkalicious769, @ladyofthenoodle, @ominousunflower, @sariahsue, @somethingvaguetodo, @gabriel-agreste-has-no-rights, @thelibraryloser, therealjanebingley, @trashcatontherooftop...to name a few. There are tons of amazing authors in this fandom, those are just some of the ones where I consistently enjoy everything they post! (Or at least what they post for my fandom/ship haha)

Anyway, at that point, depending on how specific the request is, I often take to browsing the tags on AO3. I search within the love square tag with all of my exclusions on, which are based purely on my preferences, notably filtering for polyamory, the Luka and Kagami threesomes and foursomes, as well as MCD and rape/non-con, since I don't want to read those. I also do complete works only since, while I will read and rec WIPs, I don't want to take on a new WIP when I'm looking for recs. I also generally filter out works under 800 words. Nothing against short fics, but there's a lot of them and they tend not to be for me. Plus it catches a lot of the fic finding posts that annoy me. I'll then add in additional tags based on the request, like "soulmates" or an episode title or additional character.

And then I just scroll and read...a lot...

Sometimes as I'm scrolling I'll recognize a fic and then I'll flip to the comments to see if I left a comment, which is the best indicator that I liked a fic and should rec it.

When I find a fic I want to rec, I email it to myself with a line of what rec list it's for. Then, when I'm ready, I compile them all into one of my posts!

I do sometimes sort by kudos, but I'm not a huge fan as the oldest fics in the fandom are the most kudos. And, honestly, there are some very highly kudosed fics that I just don't like. I will sometimes set a minimum kudos threshold, filtering out works with less than 50 or 100 kudos depending on how many works my search is returning (I'm not scrolling through 800+ pages of fic...I think my limit is around 100). But I'm loathe to set it too high since, as I think I've shown with my hidden gems recs, there are some seriously underrated fics in this fandom, and I'm always excited when I can bring attention to a fic that really didn't get the love I think it deserved.

I also don’t finish every fic I start to read. If I see a giant block of text, it’s an instant back button for me. If I start reading and get bored or don’t like the characterizations or really for any reason at all I’m just not enjoying it, I just exit out. Reading fic is supposed to be fun, so if I’m not having fun, I just don’t do it. And again, taste is completely subjective. I’m actually incredibly picky in my reading! I don’t owe it to anyone to read/finish their fic unless, like, I’ve agreed to beta. I have an incredibly demanding job and three young kids. Frankly, my time is too valuable to spend on fics I’m not enjoying. At the end of the day, it’s a hobby. But sometimes, especially with all of the posts floating around demanding engagement, there can be a lot of pressure to continue on. I often have to remind myself that I don’t owe engagement to anyone. I engage with fics because I enjoy doing so. If I’m not having fun, it’s time to stop.

In terms of finding fics to read for you personally, I suggest that you adopt my approach to reading fic in a new fandom. Find an author you like, and go through their bookmarks. When you like a fic, check out the author's works to see if they have more like it. Then check out that author's bookmarks and so on. And feel free to back button when you discover that you and the author have wildly different takes!

And if you're looking for great fics bookmarked by an author with impeccable taste, here's your best jumping off point 😘

When I see it all written out like this, I realize how ridiculous my process probably looks. But I really do enjoy looking for recs! I love to read fic, and the requests help focus my fic reading so I’m not just aimlessly looking for more fic.

[cancerbiophd]

Hi Julia,

Would you mind asking for your advice about how to properly study review papers?

The thing is, every single information is both new and important to me, that's why I'm struggling in memorizing all these new information!

For example, learning about 1C metabolism using different review articles. Still, don't understand most of yet "as usual" due to many many molecular/ cellular names Lol, that's why I can't memorize them at all.

Am I doing it wrong? Should I proceed with a different strategy? I've searched a lot about how to properly retain these info. from review articles, but couldn't find any!

Would appreciate your guidance!

Thanks!🤍

Hello!

Ah, I totally understand your struggle! My job right now often consists of learning something new and I always have to go through mountains of review papers first to figure out the field before I can even think about diving into primary research articles.

I think there are two possible scenarios happening that could explain the challenges you’re facing: 1) the reviews are not foundational enough for your current depth of knowledge and/or 2) a more active approach needs to be taken in absorbing the information. 

1) If the reviews are not foundational enough for your current depth of knowledge:

Review articles are written for an audience who have already gained a basic, foundational background on the subject matter. They are written by those in the field for those in field to consolidate all the evidence in literature (up until when the author wrote the article) with the goal of a) summarizing everything, b) identifying knowledge gaps, and c) advertising where the authors’ own research falls in the field and those knowledge gaps. (A lot of PIs will use the cycle of publishing a few primary papers and then writing a review of the field where they can then self-cite/promote their new papers.)

Thus, review articles may not be suitable substitutions for textbooks, lectures, and other purely educational sources. So if you find yourself struggling to understand many of the concepts (especially if it occurs early on in the Introduction of the paper), I recommend taking a break from review articles and instead build up your foundational knowledge first. This may include taking a class, seeking out a professor or another grad student’s help, browsing a textbook on the subject, or spending some time doing online research, etc. You don’t need to learn everything about the subject first, of course, but I think a good metric is: if you can fully understand the Introduction of the articles, then you’re good to go. 

2) If you require a more active approach to absorb the information:

I recommend taking copious notes when reading, and to not worry about memorizing things yet. I never "just read"--I always take an active approach, even if it's just highlighting one line in the abstract. My brain has limited space, after all! Honestly most things I read just go through one eye and out the next, so I rely heavily on my notes to act as a “second brain” of sorts. I personally use OneNote on my work PC to record main points of what I learn because the program has the added benefit of letting me paste in screenshots (of tables, figures, etc) as well. If you use Apple products, Evernote is a good alternate app. 

And the way I take notes is in a way that works best for me to retain/recall information, which in my case is bullet-point summaries or tables. I’ve also learned that I should never just copy and paste text from the article directly into my notes, and instead should rewrite it in my own words. 

I also recommend finding other resources to supplement your learning if something is unfamiliar (like a method), including (but not limited to) youtube videos, online image searches of various flowcharts/signaling pathways/summary cartoons, textbooks, consulting a knowledgable professor or even another student who may have more expertise in the subject, etc.

And as you read, you may slowly find yourself taking less and less notes with each article as you realize the information is slowly becoming more familiar. You may even notice that the same statements are being repeated and cited with the same references. And you'll get to a point where you will have certain things "memorized" not because you sat there with flashcards, but because you've taken the time to get to know the subject, like becoming friends with someone who used to be a stranger. 

I hope that helps! Let me know if you ever need anything else. Reading and understanding scientific papers is literally what I do for my job, so I’d be happy to share any other tips that have worked for me! I’m also available on chat too. Good luck, and happy learning!