#i don't live with my old housemates anymore so i can't cook for them or make them tea
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The real question is. is it actually that I miss having my own person to love or is it that I want to be loved for being loving
#i used to have someone to cook for. to make tea for. to listen to. to give shoulder massages to. to write letters to.#i used to wait at the door with bated breath. i used to look out the window until his car was gone. there were all these things that i#could DO for someone i loved. so i guess this hunger IS sort of a matter of wanting to be loved#but increasingly i've found that i'm not CRAVING comfort and encouragement the way i want to GIVE comfort and encouragement#so it makes me think that perhaps it is more that it is a matter of wanting someone TO love#i don't live with my old housemates anymore so i can't cook for them or make them tea#and my closest friend is in the uk for work right now#so there's no one to care for with the same attention you know? all my friends have other friends who are closer#my friends from church are at least six years older than me and have their own close friend groups#my friends at the dorms have their own circles and so do my friends from school#and the friends i talk to the most at church are all guys so that would be sort of strange#not to mention i don't live with family anymore and the care/attention bit of that is markedly different and a lot more anxiety filled#anyway this is the post-lunch mental slump i'm in. i will be fine after a cup of tea#slings and arrows of outrageous fortune in year 21
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Thanks for the input guys.
I actually *DO* own the DVDs. (On one of the shows this whole thing was about. On a couple others they hand to God do not exist through legitimate means and if Piracy is involved why should I pay for a physical copy that isnt supporting the actual production?) But my problem is they are not portable. Can't watch them in the kitchen while cooking or washing dishes. Can't watch them at the laundromat. Can't watch them if one of my housemates has commandeered the tv for their own uses.
Incidentally, I have supported each while watching live and bought so much merchandise (Swan knows by and large I watch a lot of kid shows. I love sharing them with the kids I nanny and also generally enjoy them independently.) attended cons, encouraged everyone I know to do the same. I have actively discouraged piracy because I know dvd and streaming numbers are so important. But when companies pull it from all legal channels they aren't making money anyway.
As for movies, when we're talking about a movie decades old is me buying it for a buck fifty from the clearance bin at Walmart even really supporting the original production if by chance I find it? I don't know.
I would happily legally stream every piece of content I consume. Its really my ideal. I love supporting artists (and authors, and theater and so on). As a kid downloading free music I was so consumed by guilt I eventually bought every cd that I ever had music from. Netflix remains one of my favorite advents of modern technology.
Unfortunately I run into grey area when something was available but isnt anymore . What do I do when I want to watch the Flintstones Hollyrockabye baby or Scooby Doo and the reluctant werewolf or Legend of Korra or a super niche horror movie from 2002? A lot of companies don't bother with older properties or less popular ones. And I understand the why of it, but have been conditioned to be tormented by guilt when I do anything "bad". Mostly Im trying to work out at what point I shouldn't feel bad about it.
At what point does it become okay to watch a show or movie (which has been off the air for YEARS and not available to “legally” stream literally anywhere) on less than officially sponsored channels?
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