#i don't know why exactly but I am fancinated by the fact that people can and will die
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#i don't normally do stuff like thiss#i feel like if i make a post it's usually going to be nonsense or private dialog#but i just want to put this somewhere#tw death#tw gun violence#tw death mention#tw murder#you been warned babe#okay so i have these weird call of the void type of thoughts#you know like whe you hear that there's a video going around where someone explicitly dies and you rummage for a bit trying to find the vid#i have very morbid curiosities and I have no shame or empathy for people i don't personally know#this makes a cocktail i like to call Bloody Murder#I look up videos of people dying#i don't know why exactly but I am fancinated by the fact that people can and will die#how they die are crazy and seemingly random#I am also kinda watching videos like that for the people in the background /or the ones who clean up#i am endlessly wondering what I'd do in a similar situation#I don't know and i never want to know#I love living i love being alive and breathing#I even love being able to be alive with others#now all of this isn't to say anything worrying#I'm not gonna go kill someone#I'm just satiating my morbid curiosity in a way that literally does not hurt or destroy anything#i hope one day I'll be able to share something this personal with a friend. but alas i have not the courage#if you read this#mess#I'd like to know if you have ever had similar feelings towards this#I'd like to know if I'm not alone
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