#i don't know what y'all call this ship dskfnksldfs

[memoriashell]

this attraction between us

Characters /  Pairing: aegestra + some background edelgard/bernadetta

crossposted on ao3

Notes: i would highly suggest that you read this on ao3 because this is 10k words long and i cannot imagine that looks great on tumblr.

just to note, since this is set post canon, there is absolutely some spoilers in here, probably? this is the part where i admit i've yet to experience the black eagles path in full, so some details are probably a little off.

Summary: edelgard asks hubert to try out a different kind of magic. admittedly intrigued, he agrees.

( and then things get way more complicated for him, because ferdinand accidentally makes himself a test subject )

( these are feelings that cannot be replicated: this is a sentiment to how i love you )

The sound of metal scratching against parchment repeatedly catches his attention first— breaks his concentration as he stares at the source, before opting to ignore the emperor’s odd behavior. Heels clicking against the tile floor after a moment of silence is the second thing to key him into knowing something is off, feet tapping in what he can only gather to be anxious behavior.

Hubert prides himself on understanding— being able to read the empress, a skill he considers highly crucial to anyone with a position as high as his. And yet, despite that, he cannot tell what is bothering her in this moment. What it is exactly that makes her hesitate instead of speaking her mind to the extent she usually would with him, he cannot be conclusive of entirely ( but he can only assume that he is the cause of her anxiety, a stinging realization, for he is not sure what he has done to cause such, but masks his feelings as such is irrelevant to the matter ).

“Your Majesty.” He clears his throat sharply to get her attention; her reaction is delayed, but it gains her attention all the same. It will not do either of them good to think in circles, lest they fail to accomplish anything. While he would like to hope she would come speak of it in time, hoping is not very efficient (or effective); that is the only reason he insists on taking matters into his own hands. “You do not like it when I keep things from you, as do I towards you—” Hypocritical of him to say so, when he will do so anyways, when it means keeping her safe “— and while perhaps it is something you cannot speak to me of, I would like you to know you may speak to me. I would like you to...” He falters ( it is not about what he wants, after all ), follows with a slight shake of his head. “Well, I would prefer if you were not carving into the table with your quill. It is not like you to be so distracted.” He gestures with the end of his pen to where her hand has drifted from the papers and ink has begun to stain the wood. Her expression remains cool, but Hubert can read the subtle flush, the sheepish aversion of her gaze; he does not press as he returns to reading through the paperwork she has brought him. It is not in his place to ask anything more of her ( even if it was, he could not, he thinks— already, he considers apologizing for going too far ).

“If you...” When Edelgard speaks, it is so hesitantly soft and unlike her that he cannot help but give her his attention— even if she has had his attention from the start. “If you could find out...information, about someone without any consequence, would you?”

“Nothing comes without consequence.” He knows this, and he knows she knows this; and yet, she sounds so like a child again, a tinge of curiosity and innocence that they could not hope to hold onto in this world ( and he should not foster such emotions, but he does, and cannot help but indulge her a little, just like this ). “It would depend on the circumstance; do you not agree? If the information would be useful, perhaps it would be worth it. This does not sound like it is something theoretical, however.”

“No, it is not. I cannot hide anything from you, hm?” Edelgard is not upset, if not a little amused. “There are some books that the imperial family keeps as a part of a special collection. I think it’s supposed to be kept secret, though I’m sure they know it exists. I thought I’d check if there was anything there that would help with our...issues.” He’s surprised this is the first that he is hearing of it, all things considered— but there are things that he does not even know, he supposes, there will always be a few things she will keep from him.

“And I presume you were successful?” He doesn’t think there’s much more reason for her reluctance in coming forth with that information, even if he can’t pin down exactly why ( he has a few ideas, knowing his emperor, but he cannot be certain until he hears more from her ).

“It’s...this is not an order, you will not be forced to do this.” She says firmly, as if it has ever been an option he could consider ( it may not be an order, but if it ensures her safety— makes her happy, then it is his duty to see to it ). “I found some  old magic books. Hexes, curses, potions...I don’t know how much of it holds up, nor am I certain if it would be in your area of expertise.”

Hubert snorts at that, as if that would have ever stopped him; his position has always asked more of him than he has had to give, and he will always give himself up for her sake. “Perhaps, perhaps not. It does not hurt to investigate, at the very least. It is your call, if you would like me to test that.”

“I already said that this is not an order.” She sounds mildly disconcerted, but he opts to ignore it. “It does not hurt, is that it? I shall bring you the spellbook later, then.” She’s quiet for a moment, then speaks again. “That wasn’t...er, that was not all, actually. Again, this is not an order but there was a particular section I happened to be intrigued by while checking if it had anything pertaining to our work.”

“And that would be?” He prompts, when she falls silent again.

“...There was a section on love spells.” She looks positively flustered, and if he were a lesser man, he probably would have laughed ( but he is not, so the only outwards reaction he gives is a slight raise in his brows ). “Don’t—Don’t get the wrong idea. Ever since I looked at it, I cannot get it off my mind. It’s tempting. Am I...wrong in thinking so?”

“Nothing comes without consequence. Don’t we have enough to handle as it is?” He says again, as if to remind them both of this fact, there is a country dependent on them not being distracted by trivial matters— while he wants to be against such a thing, all the same, he cannot help but feel intrigued by the prospect. Still, even as strict as he is with her, he cannot help but indulge her too; that is the excuse he will use for this.

( If he could confirm if his affections have any chance, or— no, he’ll do this for Edelgard and her sake only, he swears there are no selfish motivations behind it. His duties come first, and besides that, he does not have the same selfish excuse that she does. Time is not working against him like her life is ).

“If you have a particular place you wish for me to start with, then bring that one to me. I must, of course, run a test to ensure it will not have any adverse side effects, and report back to you with the results when I have reached a conclusion. I would rather not tarnish your name, should something happen.” He says with a note of finality and moves their discussion back to one of the matters they were supposed to be handling. “Now, with regards to the theatre hall...”

While it is, indeed, not quite the kind of magic he is used to, Hubert finds that it is at least a refreshing change of pace, if nothing else. An extra obstacle comes in the form of parts of spells being written in older runes and symbols he is not entirely familiar with, which requires some extra research to decipher them, but that is negligible. He is nothing if not devoted to his work, and it’s not like he doesn’t enjoy a good challenge ( Ferdinand is enough proof of that— there is no other reason as to why he would put up with such, and he thinks that feeling is mutual ).

Speaking of— he still needs a test subject for this. He had briefly, briefly considered posing it as a challenge and using Ferdinand for this, test a potion in his tea; it is not a course of action below Hubert ( has he not poisoned many a person before in a such a fashion? ), but he cannot find himself considering doing so in good faith. This isn’t about him, this is for Edelgard; he won’t let his own affections get tangled up in this. He is a little less averse to the thought of using the others, however, that is no different than what he usually does.

The sharp scent of fresh coffee is what pulls his attention back to reality, not the footsteps approaching him; and he figures it must be one of the servants because few others would consider entering his study. Hubert lifts his head as he reaches for his cup, and—

— gives a sudden jump as he nearly bumps into Ferdinand, hovering above him.

( Of course it is him, he thinks, very few others would invite themselves into his study; and he thinks so in a manner almost so fondly that it is frightening. Almost ).

“Is there a reason you must lean in so close?” He opts to forego any greeting— he doubts he even cares anyways— as he leans back and shuts his eyes for a moment ( if he seems flustered, neither of them acknowledges it ).

“To see what is keeping you.” Ferdinand responds, not missing a beat and goes on. “You were late.”

“Was I?” He does not think he has any meetings he is missing, before he understands what the other means. There is no set schedule, no precise routine to when they get together for their ‘tea time’ as it were; but there is an unspoken sort of agreement between them about it, and despairingly, Hubert realizes that he’s right; even over such frivolous matters, he does not like to concede that he is correct. He breathes in sharply, hand rising to his temple. “I— Forgive me, I did not realize...I will have to make it up to you another time.”

“Edelgard mentioned you were doing some research for her. I figured you probably were overworking and needed a break.” He’s right, but he refuses to acknowledge that; again, he is too stubborn to yield, that is how their relationship has always worked. A pause, and he hears a curious hum from the other. “Is this stuff for the crests? I could not read that book you have open.”

His eyes snap open and without thinking about it, he tugs Ferdinand away from ( almost quite literally ) sticking his nose into the brew he was working on. “No.” Hubert says firmly, and while he considers telling him the truth, he opts to keep it secret for at least the time being. “This is different, and I would appreciate it if you did not cause me to need to make an antidote for this quite yet.”

“But you could, I am quite sure.” There’s a hint of a challenge to his tone, an underlying warmth— he gives the other a very stern look in response.

“I’d rather not test it.” On you, goes unsaid; but perhaps Ferdinand is sharper than he seems and understands nonetheless, because he leaves the brew alone.

“But if it was for the crests, you would let me be involved, right? I do think I would be able to make myself quite useful as a test subject.” Or not. Hubert takes back any remarks on Ferdinand understanding anything; he’s not entirely upset, even if he disagrees with him— even competitively, his intentions are well meaning, despite not entirely appreciated by him.

“That would be Lady Edelgard’s call, not mine.” Which isn’t entirely false to say, even if he doesn’t particularly like the thought of using him like— that. Let him get involved once risks have been eliminated, but he knows better than to try and convince Ferdinand when he has his mind set.

Ferdinand quirks a brow curiously, and for a moment Hubert expects a callous remark on how he should not defer to Edelgard like that; but nothing comes and instead a hand is offered out to him. “Well then, shall we go out...outside, I mean. Sitting around in a stuffy room with whatever you’re making— surely, it will all get to your head if you stay here?”

He would usually be inclined to disagree but staying here means the noble will be more prone to poking into his things whilst he tries to work, which is not ideal when he has something that he can’t predict the side effects of on his hands. He sighs, putting out the fire beneath the brewing pot; accepting the other’s hand as he stands and takes a moment to steady himself from the dizziness that comes from suddenly rising after so long. He cannot remember how long it has been since he’s taken a break. “Only briefly, then. I have things to finish.”

“Briefly.” Ferdinand agrees, but they both know that it will not be anything close to short; he had already resigned himself to such the moment he’d been aware of the other’s presence. It is fine if he indulges himself in a break like this, he will just have to work longer later to make up for the lost time.

As he follows him out of the room, he can’t get the distinct feeling that something feels off but he can’t quite place what. Hubert is distracted from any lingering thoughts by a tug on his arm and fondly, he will mask his feelings and devote his attention to the other for the duration of the time they spend together.

He returns to his study refreshed and feeling much lighter; the only beneficial part to being around someone like Ferdinand, he would argue, is that his mood tended to rub off on people. His mood quickly dissipates when his gaze lands on his desk, which has gone and become a mess in his absence, and he hasn’t a clue why. At some point while he was gone, the brew had begun to bubble over, which feels like quite an ominous sign, and all sorts of things have been knocked down from his desk— a broken bottle of ink rapidly drying on the floor. He frowns and goes to close an open window before going to grab an old rag so he can begin cleaning up the mess. As he does so, however, he freezes in place, a chill down his spine.

He realizes two things with startling speed. One, the book is gone from the stand it’d been resting on.

And ( arguably ) more alarmingly, there is a stray hair in the brew mixture, the bright ginger color that Hubert can only presume means it belongs to Ferdinand von Aegir.

He takes some time to clean up while he mulls over these facts— more importantly, what to do about it. Once he has managed to gather his wits together and realize the terrible irony of the situation ( that for once, is not amusing to him ), he supposes that first, he’d best check up on Ferdinand. Which is easily done, since the only person who would have ever been easier to find is Caspar, out of virtue of being louder. He is momentarily derailed by tripping over a cat sitting outside his door, but doesn’t think more of it beyond one of the kitchen cats getting lazy.

True enough, the boisterous sound of his laughter is easy to pick out in the halls, and the sound of his footsteps thudding down alerts them to his arrival; Ferdinand is already half turned towards him, while Bernadetta takes one glance at his face before taking a hasty retreat ( he can’t tell if that means he must appear more or less angry than usual. Ah well ).

“Back already? Or did you need something important?”

Hubert ignores him as he stalks forward, jabs at his chest with his finger. “You—” He hisses and bites down on his tongue to pause, takes a breath to calm himself. Ferdinand was competitive, not intentionally screwing up with the results of his research, that was not in his nature to do— no use in getting angry. “Are you feeling alright?”

“Why, I did not know you cared.” He sounds amused— even jokingly, that stings a little more than he would like to admit. “Should I not feel all right?”

He gives him a steely glare— of all the times to not be serious. “Are you sure? Nothing feels different?” He doesn’t sense that he’s lying, but...he’s not certain if that’s a good sign or not.

“No different than any other day. Are you feeling all right?” Ferdinand leans forward slightly. “You were fine earlier. Did you catch a cold from being out? A heat stroke?”

“Never mind. Must have been wrong.” He grumbles, arms crossed— he’s uncertain how to feel about this, somewhere between disappointed and relieved by his lack of reaction. “Nonetheless, you will inform me if you feel any different.”

“You did something wrong? That doesn’t sound like you.” The frown on his face makes him hope that he’s taking him at least somewhat seriously. “Was that all? ‘detta was asking for help with some things...”

He grits his teeth. “Just. Promise me you will report to me if there’s any change.”

“I shall have a detailed report written up for you and everything.” As dismissively as the comment is made, Hubert has the feeling he means that literally, and can only stand in silence as Ferdinand walks away.

“One down, one to go.” He murmurs to himself and turns to head back down the hall.

Serving directly under the emperor meant Hubert was almost far too aware as to what Edelgard’s schedule was— and loath as he was to report failings on his part or involve her in such trivial matters, this one is not so simple to resolve ( well, he briefly had entertained the thought of killing Ferdinand and solving his affections once and for all, but that would still leave issues to be dealt with ). He takes care of other business that they have as he waits until her dealings are done for the day before he bothers her with the news.

“Lady Edelgard.” He greets her as he approaches, a stiff bow as he waits for her to acknowledge his presence. “I am afraid I have some unfortunate news.”

“I’m already terrified by how proper you’re acting.” She is teasing, clearly; and nods a head at him to continue.

“The tome of yours that I was borrowing has gone missing. I take full responsibility for the actions that have led to it. I have already made plans to search the grounds for it and interrogate the servants, but I am not certain it has remained here.”

“But would someone have wanted to steal it? For all they know, it is just a book.” She taps a finger to her cheek in a thoughtful manner. “Not that I don’t believe you. It isn’t quite like you to misplace things.”

“It was kept a secret for a reason.” He cannot conclude many other reasons for its disappearance in such a short period of time. “I also regret to inform you that we may need a new prime minister.”

“I thought you two quit quarreling ages ago.” Edelgard raises her brows at him. “Might you inform me the reason you say so?”

Years of practiced facial expressions help him keep his expression in checked, otherwise his flustered embarrassment would be almost painfully obvious. “He may have a hex on him.”

“I though we were testing love potions?” There’s a moments pause before her face twists in a slight grimace. “Ah, I see your issue. So he’s taken an interest in you, then? I admit, I’m not sure I would’ve expected this to be what you are upset about.”

She’s getting too much amusement out of his suffering, he thinks. “If only it were that simple. He says he feels no different, so...I am not entirely certain what happened. I would have just made an antidote to try and fix it, but without the spellbook I’m not keen on worsening things. At least for now he is still alive.”

She sobers up a little after that. “That is an issue, to say the least. Well, work on finding the book. We’ll figure things out as soon as we make more progress. Perhaps you can see if there are any experts to these kinds of matters?”

“We should have some contact that can gather that information for us. I’ll see to that it is done as soon as possible.” He nods his agreement and waits for her to dismiss him before taking his leave.

While he has other people looking into matters for him, he cannot just abandon his actual work to do so ( though arguably, Ferdinand becoming incapacitated would become a work related issue ). Nonetheless, he does not have time for lapses in judgement— weakening his guard in any sense. No, as long as those despicable people linger in the shadows, his duty to the emperor remains a priority.

Ferdinand never comes to him reporting any change, so he does not see him for some few odd days— if Hubert is purposefully going out of his way to avoid him, he does not admit so— does not make such easily apparent. Admittedly, he misses the presence of soft honey locks and the lingering scent of tea— he has no time for such sentimentality, to waste his time on pleasantries, and he is sure Ferdinand has hardly noticed his absence in any case. His only companion during this time is a cat from the kitchen that seems to have taken a liking to him— a rare occasion given such creatures usually flee at first sight, but it is a welcome distraction from everything else going on; if not one that makes him chuckle at the ironically fitting image that this nearly creates.

( Really, all it does is cement how desperate, how disgustingly pathetic he is. What a cold and lonely monster he’s let himself become— he cannot help but feel some sort of regret at a time like this. He wonders if before, he would have even noticed that he felt lonely ).

Hubert keeps himself busy with ‘work’ up until Edelgard pleas with him to not overwork himself ( which, he will acknowledge she has a point, he will be far more useless to her if he cannot do a thing ), though it still takes a thinly veiled threat for  him to truly get moving. He compromises with himself by grabbing some papers to read through as he sits out in the courtyard with some coffee—he certainly needs the extra boost in energy disguised in his normal drinking habits.

He is not certain how much time passes— not much, if the sun in the sky is to be of much indication; but he is keenly aware of when he is no longer alone, raising his head and spooks Bernadetta in doing so. “Ah. It’s just you.” If he is honest, he had forgotten she was still visiting— ever the shrinking violet, she wilts when his gaze meets hers.

“I...sorry, are you— you’re busy, aren’t you? I don’t mean to bother...” A tinge less of self-loathing is present when she speaks, a marked change from the girl he remembers in years prior. He shakes his head, and gestures to an open seat.

“I am seldom not busy.” It is mostly true to say, and he waits for her to sit before resuming. “Has your business with Lady Edelgard gone well? I have not heard much about it.”

“Oh, yes, o-of course. It’s always a pleasure to work with her.” She says it so such earnestly that Hubert does not doubt it to be true ( it is only those who go against her ways that have any issue to take with her, after all ). “I was beginning to think I would not see you at all, actually. I, I didn’t even hear you sulking in the halls like you usually do when Lady Edelgard has her meetings.”

He considers pointing out to her that she had already seen him, that day with Ferdinand ( or arguing that he does not sulk, thank you very much ), but does not do so because more pointedly— “You were looking for me?” And her face pales a little as she claps her hands over her mouth, a rapid shake of her head— ah, right. He has to remember who he’s dealing with here, upon seeing how fearful she seems to have become ( it doesn’t sting so much these days, and yet stings more after all this time ). “Bernadetta. I am not angry with you.” He reassures; insulted perhaps, mostly amused, if a little pitying. “I am sure Lady Edelgard would not have minded passing on a message if that was the case. Or am I to assume this matter concerns her?”

“No— y-yes? I’m not sure.” There is a crease present in her forehead, expression apprehensive. “I...er, um...it’s about Ferdinand!”

Hubert raises a brow at her at her exclamation. “I am not certain what this has to do with Edelgard. Nor have I heard of any such issues about him.”

“That’s exactly the problem. You haven’t heard anything because you’ve been—” She pauses to wordlessly gesture at his paperwork. “He’s worried about you. You’ve been avoiding him...? That’s what he thinks, anyways.”

“I have done no such thing. It would be unprofessional, and severely beneath me.” He’s no stranger to lying, feels no guilt in doing to towards her ( that said, apparently Ferdinand is sharper than he gave him credit for. Unsurprisingly. He’s not sure how to feel about all this ). “He knows where to find me if he has any need for me.”

“Hubert.” Her mouth is pressed in a firm line, hands clasped together. “If I may say...you should really go speak with him. You act like you hate him, but you, uhm, you aren’t as cold as people think you are, really. Or as you think you are. Edelgard might tease, but she trusts you for a reason. I...” She pauses, floundering in her speech for a moment— he doesn’t bother to point out the flaws in her reasoning, for Edelgard’s trust only comes with knowing some of his secrets ( and that doesn’t even make either of them entirely good people to trust, arguably ). “It doesn’t even...even need be much. But I think it’d make him happy.”

It’d make him happy? Hubert can hardly stifle a snort at such a concept. It’d make himself happy as well— but since when was he whimsy to his own wishes? The only person’s happiness he cared about was Edelgard.

( Or at least, that’s how it had been— when exactly that had changed, he cannot be certain of; in any case, he cannot deny he is briefly swayed to listen to Bernadetta ).

But he does not, in the end. He will not outwardly acknowledge her thoughts, raising his cup to his lips with a hint of melancholy in his expression— the way she spoke so honestly, he can’t help but wonder if that was because of the emperor...it reminds him of her, anyways. “I see that your time with Edelgard has been well spent. I hope you’ve been as good an influence to her as she is to you.”

“H-Huh?” Bernadetta’s cheeks pallor as she jumps to her feet, hastily waving her arms about. “No! I do not think it is anything like that at all! Rather, I—” She comes to a brisk halt as she sits back down, face red in embarrassment as she twiddles her fingers. “Ah. Sorry.”

Hubert bites his tongue to not laugh at her, a twinkle of amusement in his gaze. “You are quite fine, Bernadetta. Please continue to do as you do, for both of their sakes.” He does not think he needs to elaborate as he stands, gathering his papers as he prepares to take his leave. Indeed, human emotions are fickle things— she is best to serve them in ways he cannot. That is how things are meant to be.

“W-Wait—!” He has only made it a few feet when she calls out to him, turns to peer back at her. “Hubert, I-I...” Her voice falters, as if she is hesitating on what to say. “Thank you.” He does not have anything to say to that, and regards her with a sharp nod in acknowledgement— he really is no good when it comes to such sentimentalities.

( As he turns to leave for real, he misses the way she chews on her lip and watches after him )

Despite Bernadetta’s best attempts at ‘encouraging’ him, Hubert does not make any attempts to approach Ferdinand— if anything, he goes out of his way to make himself more scare to find by leaving temporarily on other business, since he is not making any progress on things at home.

( These tarnished hands of his, having never belonged to the light— it only serves to reaffirm that he is doing the right thing; he should not drag down anyone else into the shadows he lingers in ).

When he returns to report their progress, Edelgard greets him with a cheery expression, Bernadetta accompanying him— she seems to take a particular interest in not looking at him, so he can’t help but feel a little suspicious ( nothing against her personally, he just doesn’t like the feeling he’s getting ).

“I have some good news for you.” He simply quirks a brow at her, nodding for her to continue. “We found the tome. And by we, I mean Bernie did—”

“I am so sorry!” Bernadetta interrupts before she can continue speaking. “I’m really, really sorry. I didn��t mean to hide it from you, but I didn’t, uhm, I didn’t know how to bring it up to you.”

Hubert has to think for a moment before understanding why exactly she’s apologizing. “You wished to speak to have spoken of it the other day, is that it?” Annoyance slips into his expression as he sighs, shaking his head at her. “I’m not that upset. Thank you for bringing it to us, nonetheless. May I inquire as to where you found it?”

“That doesn’t matter.” Edelgard speaks before she can answer his question. “There’s some bad news. I already started looking at antidotes.”

“Is there none?” He assumes the worst, naturally. “If that is the case, I apologize greatly for the trouble I have caused.”

“Was I not the one who encouraged your research?” She looks a little miffed, before shaking her head. “No, rather, the likely antidote requires an ingredient we do not find around here.”

“Send someone out to retrieve it, then? Or is it something that could be bought?”

“I considered that. However...I would like someone to check up on the territory it is from. Diplomatic matters.”

“So, that is to say...” Hubert has a feeling he knows where she is going with this, and he is not fond of it.

“I am sending the minister of the imperial household with the prime minister, of course.

“I cannot approve of such.” For multiple reasons. “It would not be a good move to leave the empire with less...guards.” That is an understatement— does she not  think those people would take advantage of an absence like that? What she is thinking, he cannot discern; while she can surely take care of herself, that does not mean she should be left without protection.

“And thus, I’ve already seen to it that it would be taken care of so you would have no need to worry. Bernie’s going to extend her stay here, and Dorothea’s supposed to come report her findings soon as well. And as an extra precaution, I’ve already informed Byleth of the circumstances and asked them to be here as well. Think of it as a well-deserved break. You two have been busy as of late.”

He is almost surprised at how well thought out this all is. “You’ve planned this out well, I see. Have you informed Ferdinand as well, then?”

“He helped with planning, of course. I had to make sure there were no obvious flaws in my logic.”

He purses his lips, but he has no good reason to disagree with her. “Very well then. When are we to leave?”

“At your discretion. I presume you need time to prepare before traveling again, but I would like you two to be able to leave as soon as possible. I know you would like this all over as soon as possible as well.”

Hubert stops avoiding Ferdinand only to inform him that they will be leaving in two days’ time, then promptly returns to his room to pass out for the first time all week.

It’s not like Ferdinand to be so quiet. Not that Hubert, of all people, has an issue with it; which does not mean he is not concerned, even if he has no right to be, but there is a feeling right on the tip of his tongue that he cannot name. Indeed, it is silent between them until it is pointed out that they should stop for the night before it gets too dark and put their horses at risk. Tasks are quickly relegated— Ferdinand takes the horses since he is better suited to care for them, and Hubert goes to hunt for their dinner as he fares better in killing things.

( That feels more ominous than he would like it to ).

By the time Ferdinand has returned with two well-watered and mostly fed horses, he has managed to start a fire and begin cooking their meal.

“I forget you are not a bad cook. Smells edible, at least.” Ferdinand speaks as he approaches, sits himself down next to the fire— either he has decided to break the silence between them, or he’s trying to stay on his good side. He decides the difference is not really that important.

“Yes, well— unless you mean to say you’ve improved at cooking, I think I quite recall why you were never on cooking duty well enough to not subjugate us to that. As well as why I would only trust you with drinks. I like being able to tell my food was alive at some point, after all.” Hubert pauses to glance to the side briefly, when he sees the other leaning towards the flames. “Sit further back, Ferdinand. I have no wishes to deal with your hair catching on fire. Are you cold?”

“You don’t? Why Hubert, I would not have guessed you cared.” His bitterness is so scathing that he almost physically recoils— however, Ferdinand complies with his request and moves away from the fire (but closer to him in doing so). That is the fury he had been expecting to face eventually; the silent tranquil of their travels had been Ferdinand’s wordless fury from the start.

( Well, Bernadetta had tried to warn him in her own way— he had mentally prepared himself for this, it is only his fault that he had not chosen to take action ).

Despite that, however, Hubert chooses to deflect— if nothing else, he is good at doing that. “I don’t know what you are speaking of.”

“That is exactly what I mean.” Ferdinand sounds less bitter and more— tired? He cannot tell entirely of the unspoken emotion in his voice. “You might not be the most warm and open person around, but this is pretty low for even your standards. I think I quite miss the way you hated me during our academy days. At least then it was clear how you felt.” This is the most he has spoken all day, and he can only guess this is only a small part of what he has been stewing over for however long this has been bothering him. “I cannot tell if this treatment from you is because I have said something to displease you and this is your way of being angry now; or if something that I have done has irritated Lady Edelgard— but I must please ask you to give me some peace of mind on this matter before you choose to dispose of me.”

“I—” Any and all words that come to mind immediately die on his tongue as he stares at him incredulously. “I’m sorry?”

“You should be, but then, you do not even know what you are apologizing for, do you? I am not a fool, Hubert. Clearly, this was simply an excuse to be able to kill me without any witnesses present.”

( And yet, you still chose to come along without protest, believing that? Hubert cannot help the amused fondness that comes with that thought. Yes, you certainly are foolish, Ferdinand )

“I am not angry with you.” Is the first thing he manages to say, biting his tongue as to not snicker at him as he meets the other’s gaze. “Nor do I have any plans of killing you. It would be quite inconvenient to do so.”

“You...you are not planning to kill me?” He sounds so surprised that he almost balks a little. “Then what has been the reason for your behavior as of late? You have avoided me as if I had the plague!”

“No. Though I do admit the prospect was appealing...I am kidding, Ferdinand.” Mostly kidding, anyways— he is quick to add on when he sees the pallor of the other’s face ( he forgets that Ferdinand does not handle jokes well, to say the least ). “I...I do apologize. It was not my intention to give you that impression. I am not inclined to share details, but...some of the work I have been doing for Lady Edelgard has not gone well. I did not and do not intend to get you involved in such affairs, however, so I have admittedly made myself rather scarce as of late. Forgive me, it was a foolish thing of me to do.” He dislikes the way he makes himself sound much more noble than his actions have actually been.

“Yes, quite foolish of you.” Ferdinand murmurs with a hint of something— amusement perhaps, before clearing his throat. “Are we not equals, Hubert? I know there are matters your loyalty to Edelgard prevents you from speaking about, but I would think something as simple as wanting some space is something that could have been said. Do you not trust me to leave it at that?”

( No, they are not, that is what he wants to say; they are far from being equal. Even before the old rulings had been cast aside, disregarding their crests or lack thereof— no, they could not be on even footing, because Ferdinand would never stoop so low in the name of a noble, and Hubert would do everything in his power to accomplish their goals ).

“Of course.” He says, and well, that much is true— he trusts him some unspeakable amount. “I will consider it henceforth.”

“Please do. I would like to not have to question my livelihood in the future.” The corners of his eyes crinkle with a smile, even when his eyes do not meet his— hesitation laces his features. “I missed speaking to you like this, if I am to be honest.”

Thinking about it seriously, he’s not certain if he could ever actually go through with killing Ferdinand— it would not be a hard thing, and he would do it if Edelgard commanded him to do so. But could he live with that? It makes his chest tight to even consider, and he ponders when hands as disgraced as his has ever hesitated— when he got to be so soft over the thought of killing someone.

( Then again, it is not like he would feel like this for just anyone ).

“I—” Hubert hesitates, and in doing so notes a sharp stench and comes to the realization that is the scent of their dinner burning; getting to his feet to try and salvage it while he still can. Despite not saying it, it goes understood—I missed you too.

And even the ruins of their meal cannot put a damper on his mood.

They arrive in the neighboring territory late the next afternoon and spend it getting acquainted with the ruling nobles of the land and discussing between themselves what they need to get done for Edelgard. That is one of the easier things— even if Ferdinand will challenge his choices, it keeps them in check, assures that they are working towards the same goal.

Less easy is that with their presence brings an audience— the girls that stand from a distance as they giggle and ogle Ferdinand are bearable ( if not annoying, but understandable— it had always been a bit of an unspoken agreement that Ferdinand was one of the more attractive members of their class ). No, it is the faces that linger in the shadows that leave him less easy— he is fairly certain they are not a member of that despicable group, and concludes they are likely just people against the changes Edelgard wishes to make and are eying them, messengers of that change. He cannot blame them, for sudden change is difficult for people— all the same, he has sworn devotion to seeing her vision to fruition, so he cannot let such people blemish her view.

( The sacrifices made— well, perhaps they are not in vain, he would like to think ).

That said, they do not stay any longer than they need to, however. Neither of them like being away from the empire, even if the emperor is in capable hands. Hubert goes out of his way to gather the ingredient that they need, unbeknownst to Ferdinand, and once all their business has concluded, they make the travel back home. Traveling is much smoother this time, given that neither of them have any need to go out of their way to avoid each other— and it is easier when he does not need to be concerned about any silence.

Unfortunately, it does force him to think about other things, now that he has given up on purposefully avoiding him. The truth stares at him in the face, and yet— he cannot accept it. For all that Ferdinand has revealed, something does not add up. Is that the true nature of the hex he’d accidentally casted? He supposes that he won’t get the answer to that just yet, but as he mulls over it, he cannot help but feel like he’s missing something.

Some tactician he makes.

The ground next to him dips and a sudden warmth breaks him away from his train of thoughts. “If you are cold, I think the horses to be a much more suitable source to go to.”

Ferdinand shakes his head, scooting closer to him as if just to disagree with his sentiments. “The fire is good enough. I do not think I am going back to sleep, anyhow, so I thought I would offer to take over watching now.”

Hubert watches the way his hair is illuminated by the flames of the fire for a moment before responding. “Go sleep while you can. I can keep watch for a while still.”

“It’s okay. I shall just steal some of the coffee you have been hiding.” The way he mumbles his words makes it hard to tell if he is as awake as he claims to be.

“Do not expect me to pity you if you fall off your horse tomorrow.” He says plainly, and then it fades into silence between the two of them, having nothing further to say on the subject, both intent on staying awake. Hubert briefly entertains himself by glancing upwards, at the sky and observes the stars ( he will return to paying attention to his actual surroundings in a moment, but it is hard to do so with the warmth leaning against his shoulder ).

A low croon causes him to start— it is only with the grumbled voice against his shoulder that he realizes that it was Ferdinand ( of course it was, the logical side of his mind reasons, there shouldn’t be anyone else out here ). “Sorry. I did not realize you could sing. Well, that is.”

Ferdinand hums to acknowledge him, a moment before he offers a response. “I am rather rusty, these days. I suppose even if professor paired us together in group tasks, they knew well enough to not force us into choir practice together.”

“I still maintain that it was your fault for our short fallings.” Hubert huffed. “I believe Byleth realized after a while it was best not to force me into choir and let me focus on other subjects instead.”

“Says the one that clung to the pegasus the entire time.” The other retorts, knowingly— he pointedly does not look at the smug expression the other surely has.

“I am not to be blamed for that.” He opts to change topics, staring blankly at the burning fire. “I am not familiar with what you were singing, may I inquire what it was? You— it sounded lovely.”

“A compliment? You must really want to know.” He laughs, soft and melancholic. “Just a lullaby I remember hearing often as a child. Did no caretaker of yours ever do such a thing?”

“I do not recall.” He says, a little more soft and vulnerable than he means to; but for a moment he remembers a warm voice and a soft figure that had tucked him into bed and spoken words of love ( his mother is such a stranger to him that he cannot recall her in detail— just that she was gone from this world now ).

“I see.” Ferdinand muses, and there is only a moment before Hubert finds an arm hooked around his shoulders and tugging him close. He is stiff as he is tucked against the other’s chest, a soft lilt falling from his lips. The rumble of his chest proves to be soothing, however, and relaxes after a bit.

( There is no logical explanation for any of what is happening, he thinks, as he is lulled to sleep by a hand in his hair and words to a song he has never known )

“I see someone has missed your presence.” Edelgard sounds amused when she has found him, days after they have returned home. One glove has been sacrificed to the noble cause of trying to keep the cat entertained while he does his work ( however, he has a sinking feeling that the quill pen will attract its attention sooner rather than later, and he will have to make sure the ink is a safe distance away from the papers ).

“It is disappointing to know a cat shows me more affection than most people.” He says solemnly— does not mean a word of it, but does need to acknowledge her in some form.

“Very funny. Any changes since you been back?” She inquires, flipping through one of their other tomes as a means of amusement.

“No. No harm no foul, I suppose, but the issue is that we don’t really know what happened.” Putting aside his paperwork for the moment, he grabs the spellbook to flip through its pages again. “I’m sure there’s an explanation in here somewhere, it’s just a matter of where. Although worst case, I do think we will soon be in contact with a more experienced spellcaster to solve this for us.”

“At least there’s some progress.” She leans over his shoulder to look as he scans pages idly— sticking her hand out after a moment. “Wait, let me see that.” She turns back a few pages, finger pointing to one section in particular. “Hubert, I think this is the answer to our issue.” She pats his shoulder before leaving, seemingly satisfied with the conclusion she’d reached. He stares after her for a moment before turning back to read text he has probably read before, and—

“A love spell of any variety will not work in the case of the intended target being infatuated with the caster or intended recipient of said affections.” He reads aloud, as if in disbelief— he has read this text before. It does not help him feel any more or less certain of the possibility that Ferdinand had been in love with him from the start.

But there’s still something that doesn’t quite add up, in his mind.

( He just can’t quite put his finger on what exactly )

As per usual, the answers are staring at him right in the face, and the realization comes to him suddenly, in the middle of his morning coffee. He scoops up the cat from where it had been laying at his feet with a mewl of complaint— he ignores it for the moment for the sake of some peace of mind as he stalks down the hallway.

He had always assumed this cat had been one of kitchen cats, but when he thinks about it, the first time he’d seen it was on the same day as a certain persons’ arrival. He comes to a stop outside Bernadetta’s door and knocks; this is one of those occasions where her being an introvert was to his advantage, and thankfully she is there to open the door soon enough.

“Ah— Hubert! I’m sorry, was she bothering you?” The orange stripped tabby is pulled from his hold with a meow that the both of ignore, head bowed slightly. “Edelgard, ah... Lady Edelgard mentioned that she’s stalked a claim in your study.”

“No, it is quite alright.” He only needed to affirm his suspicions, anyhow. “However, since you will be leaving soon, I figure it is for the best she does not get too attached, yes?”

“Ah— right! Y-Yes, we only have a few more days here, so...” She trails off, demeanor sullen. He does not have the time for it— nor is he very good at dealing with such emotions, so he simply glosses over it.

“Right. Do enjoy your remaining time outside of your room, perhaps? And if I do not see you again before you leave, safe travels.” Without waiting for a response, Hubert turns on his heel and sets off for his next destination to get the remainder of his answers.

“Don’t give me that look.” Edelgard frowns at the skeptical glance he throws her way— he knows her well enough to know she is speaking the truth and not hiding something this time.

“I would just like to know what exactly was intentionally planned. You were genuinely intending to use it for yourself, I know that much.” Indeed, the emperor may act at times, but the pure curiosity she had approached him with that day had been genuine.

“Sort of, correct. I was initially very curious about its uses, and if we could have used it for anything. And I was going to use it for myself, but...I was actually going to give it to Ferdinand, once we knew it would work.”

“Pardon?” He doesn’t quite follow her logic.

“You always work so hard for me, Hubert. You don’t let yourself be happy. Is it so wrong for me to want to see my friend, my...my brother have something good, for once?” That connection between them is not something they usually acknowledge— he does not say a thing about it other than a slight grimace. An emperor should not be announcing even loose relations to someone like him, nor should she be worried about someone as lowly as him. Her lips press together slightly, a tinge of frustration. “Besides, I am sick of seeing you two looking at each other like that and not do a thing about it. Had we not come up with replicable results, I would have just given him a placebo— I was initially unaware that it wouldn’t have worked anyways, with that catch.”

Hubert is silent for a moment— there’s a lot to unpack in what she’s just said, and quite frankly he does not have the time to think about it. Not now, at least; it may be worth mulling over later. “And Bernadetta’s cat?”

“That part was unplanned. I hadn’t realized she had the cat with her at first. I didn’t know until she brought the book back to me. It worked better to have you under the assumption that it was Ferdinand that was affected, not her cat. All that aside, at least we know it worked, so at least it was not all for waste.”

Everything adds up, more or less.

“I’m...a little unhappy that you decided to do things this way.” Rather— she should not have to devote her energy to something like this. What’s done is done though. “I am happy to be at your side and serve you, do not imply otherwise. But...thank you for looking out for me, sister. You’ve done enough now.”

“Have I?” Her expression looks a little torn— like the natural leader in her, wishing to service her people, has failed. Like she has failed him, somehow; and he wishes he could give her some sense of comfort in this moment. “I’m not too certain. I suppose the rest is up to you two now.”

“Mm. So, I presume you do not need the rest of this to be done, yes?” He inquires, and she shudders after a moment.

“Yes. After witnessing what a...mess this all started, I decided it would be best to take matters into my own hands. We’re best off leaving this to an expert.”

“Why, this is a change in pace; I hardly get asked out by you. Usually I have to be the one to pull you away from your work.” Ferdinand greets, as easygoing as ever. “What a special occasion this must be.”

“You could say that.” Hubert agrees, watching as the other sits across from him. “I believe I have not sufficiently apologized for my recent transgressions, so. Here we are.”

“Ah, so it is not a trick of my nose and you are indeed hiding something from me.” The gleam in his eyes is most certainly one of intrigue now.

“I should have expected you would notice.” He had expected as much, truthfully; a snort as he hands over a bag. “Very well then, take this. It’s from one of our nearby neighbors.”

“It smells not half bad!” Which is probably the closest to a compliment, from him. “So, what is this really about? I doubt you have simply called me out just for this.”

“I thought you might like something to drink while I explain the recent events. As you can see, I already have my drink.” Hubert shrugs as he gestures to his own cup. As horribly humiliating as this was going to be to explain— the sooner he gets this off his chest, the better ( of the secrets he wants to keep, this is admittedly not one of them ).

“Oh? Is that all right with Edelgard?” Still, he’s already reaching for a kettle to pour the leaves into.

“We’ve finished with it, so yes. Although I would appreciate it if this conversation stayed between us.”

“So this isn’t a crest thing.” Ferdinand concludes, and he raises a brow at him.

“Did you think it was? I hate to sorely disappoint, but no.” He waits for the other to finish preparing his tea before beginning to speak. “Lady Edelgard brought to me a spellbook to study. If you recall that brew I stopped you from messing around with, that had been one of the first attempts at trying.”

“Which is why you were so insistent on making sure it had no effect on me, but it hadn’t. Should it have?”

“I had been under the impression so, yes. I found a stray piece of hair in the brew, a shade strikingly close to yours. However, love spells do not work if the target has an affection for the caster.”

“Love...? Lady Edelgard was having you spend time on love spells?” The full of what he has said finally hits, and Ferdinand jerks back slightly. “Wait, I can explain—”

“Let me finish, Ferdinand. Yes, Edelgard was curious, I was curious, if we could make it work then we would have tried other parts of the spellbook.” He opts to leave out the fact that there has been some behind the scenes match making— he will save him from the humiliation of having to know exactly how invested the emperor was in their love lives. “However, as it turns out, I’d left the window open and the brew unattended to while we had tea that day. Bernadetta’s cat had gotten in and shed some of it’s fur, which had ended up in the brew.” He is admittedly not sure how a cat managed to snatch such a heavy book, but he cannot bring himself to care about it, at this point. “This was a recent revelation to me. I figured that after scrutinizing you as much as I have recently, you at least have the right to know.”

“Hubert, are you saying that the reason you were avoiding me was because you thought I might be in love with you?” He speaks after a brief silence, and sounds much more amused than he has any right to be. Hubert pointedly does not look at him.

“I did not think it to be fair to take advantage of you if you had truly been affected.”

“And yet just now, you would have had tried to get me to confess, you dastardly man.” He waggles a finger at him.

“Confess to what?” Behind his cup, he hides a smirk. “I do not recall ever asking such of you.”

Ferdinand holds his gaze with a thoughtful hum, placing his tea aside. “But you were not averse to it either, hm?”

“I—” He inhales sharply, turning his head to look away from him and ignores the ache in his chest. “That is irrelevant to the matter at hand.”

There is only silence for a long moment, before there is the sound of a chair scrapping against the ground. “Hubert.” A hand grasps at his chin, gently turns his head and forces him to stare into unwavering amber eyes. “Please be truthful with me. Do you...”

Ferdinand does not get the chance to finish speaking, because Hubert grabs onto his cravat and closes the gap between them. This was not exactly how he had planned for things to go, but if he’s learned anything as of late, it is that things do not work out as he has planned, so he is okay with this, finally— he can indulge himself in a moment of weakness, if only for one person ( asides from Edelgard, though he would be lying if he said his devotion to her did not waver, for a brief moment, in his mind ).

And just as quick, he pulls away and sits back in his seat as if nothing has passed— if nothing else, he can have a moment of amusement as the other stares at him in shock. Hubert is suddenly hyper aware of himself, and when he feels warmth settling in his cheeks, he begins to turn away; only stopped by lips pressed against his insistently as Ferdinand leans over him.

“Your hair is getting in my face.” He grumbles when he finally pulls back so they can breathe. Admittedly, it is not as much of a problem as he makes it seem; the way his hair drapes down somewhat obscures their faces and provides some sense of privacy.

“Your own hair is already in your face.” Ferdinand retorts, a hint of smugness that has Hubert rolling his eyes fondly as he leans in to kiss such a pleased expression off his face.