#i don't know the whole thing rn but i can do some of it bc i've read it so often
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kinda frustrating how we've spent the last few months acknowledging how a lot of well intentioned but guilt trippy social justice posts are like specifically designed to worm into ocd ppls brains and then now every single post abt palestine is "i dont care how bad your mental health is, i dont care how bad looking at all this makes you feel, if you don't read every single post you see on this topic in full you are a horrible person and directly contributing to their deaths. 'waaaah my mental health' well at least youre not being bombed, did you think about that??" and its like. i absolutely get where youre coming from but you dont get to complain that guilt tripping is bad then turn around and use it anyways because you think the cause youre using it for is worthwhile. like. everyone thinks the cause theyre using it for is worthwhile, thats why theyre using it. but its still a shit way to do it
#like when you make a tumblr post to your tumblr blog youre not guilt tripping people who disagree with you#youre guilt tripping your followers who if theyre still following you probably already agree with what youre saying#and esp on a topic with so much brutality involved like. yeah OBVIOUSLY theres people who have to look away#like. yall know a bunch of these posts and articles and videos show graphic injuries in them right?#like i physically cant watch news videos abt this bc i will spend days with my brain making me imagine#peoples deaths in graphic detail specifically because it knows that will upset me. and i would prefer not to do that#in fact me doing that helps palestinians exactly as much as finishing my brussel sprouts helps starving kids#by which i mean none. its just a cheap guilt trip to get you to do something you don't want to#which when it's brussel sprouts thats whatever but when its 'deliberately expose yourself to extremely triggering#things otherwise youre a bad person'. not so much#idk i feel like maybe its due to ppl feeling. agitated abt not being able to do anything abt it#like the government isnt listening and we're a world away so physically /all/ we can do really is sit and watch#so i can understand a) wanting to find someone to lash out at to alleviate that feeling#like if you cant stop the actual problem at the very least you can shout down the people supporting it right?#and b) seeing 'not watching' or even just 'not watching as closely as i am' as a transgression#bc well its all we can do so if youre not even doing that you must be bad#and its like. i really do get it. but the whole world is watching right now‚ like this is THE big news thing happening rn#so a few people choosing to avoid to subject will not make a single iota of difference#idk. i guess what im saying is if youre feeling the urge to yell at someone for not looking close enough#just donate some money to a support fund instead itll do a lot more
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HELP maybe this is influenced by how I'm writing this, or maybe it was supposed to be gleaned from canon and I just. Haven't fully thought about it til now. Haven't Deeply analyzed it beyond the blaring alarm bells that go off when reading this. But. Alfonse's,
Straight into.
This isn't him doubling down. This is him BACKTRACKING. This is him going, "oh fuck I think maybe I came on a little too strong maybe I was a bit too vulnerable and that's really scary. How do I fix this" and he's running through all the dialogue options in his head like Okay. Play it Cool. Keep it Casual. Proclaim your undying loyalty and devotion to your Trusted Partner (person he just told in the beginning of this conversation that he didn't intend to become friends with) by making yourself a blade and shield for them. NAILED IT 👍
#fire emblem#feh#ALFONSE. PLEASE. COME ON MAN#HUUUUUGE FUCKING EPIPHANY FOR ME THOUGH as i'm writing/drawing bc that last line i've been struggling w the most#but this. add some moe lore. I HAVE HUGE IDEAS ABOUT THE MOE LORE IN TANDEM W THE CANON IMPLICATIONS.#in short/minimal spoilers if i forget to expand on it later BUT IT'S SO HUGE TO ME. SO HUGE#but i think alfonse has Noticed. things about moe. similarities to himself. but it either#doesn't know it or refuses to acknowledge it. he isn't sure which yet. so when he says 'i hope you feel the same'#he's reaching out ala pre-skip dimitri fbs. asking moe to Consider This. AND. AND. IN TANDEM.#w the canon implications. that he doesn't think highly of himself and doesn't dare wait for an answer#AND. AND. HELP THERE'S A MOMENT THAT'S SO FUCKING FUNNY. he just commits a Blunder#that even moe's autistic ass catches him on. it all happens So quickly. in a fucking instant.#WHICH. WHICH. LED TO ME REALIZING THIS. he is trying TO CATCH HIMSELF HERE.#AND THE. ADDITION. of moe lore/the blunder why he tries to move on So quickly. please do NOT ask me questions i WILL throw up.#ALSO LIKE book 3 alfonse fresh in my mind. i did take a break after The Incident (gustav).#but like. goes so insane actually. this is really all he knows how to be. constantly in service to others. made to be a tool.#it's so fucked up bc you can see he is genuinely wired like that too. he WANTS to help. he wants to do good#but man................... i def don't have the words for it rn it's just so tragic. but i think about it All The Fucking Time.#GOD SORRY I'M HAVING ANOTHER ALEAR FB MOMENT. ALFONSE. ALFONSE.#cut off that tangent just to make a whole other post about it.#fe alfonse#moe tag#TAGGING IT. bc i rambled about it in the tags and it's MY OC I MAKE THE RULES 😤😤😤😤😤
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sorry i just. need to rant for a second
#cause dude the whole joost situation is SO fucking upsetting#he's mentioned over and over again how overwhelming this whole overnight success thing has been for him and to respect his boundaries#and instead of yk respecting his wishes “fans” go and make things worse by constantly overstepping and being creepy and weird like hello???#like why can't we all just be normal and take a step back and enjoy things#these people are gonna end up driving him off the internet and i wouldn't blame him one bit#and the worst part is the people who should get the memo obviously don't (or refuse to) bc this isn't an isolated instance#like its been going on for a while now#idk man i just think about how hard it must be for him rn#one of the things that turned me into a joost fan (besides his music) was his personality#like i obviously dont know him on a personal basis#but from the little bits ive seen he comes across as a really genuine and sweet and kind dude#super thoughtful as well. like i just love the way he thinks and his take on things#like i remember watching his eurovision interviews and just thinking oh man this dude's a ray of sunshine LMFAO#also the literal definition of resilience like dude's been through so much stuff and hes always managed to come out on top despite of it#and thats something i really admire about him too. like the way he put it as not letting your traumas be just that#but also something that can drive you forward#but yeah dude's had more than enough like he deserves to be happy and have some peace and ppl keep ruining it for him and it makes me upset#like i actually slept like shit last night and woke up feeling terrible and i wonder if what went down yesterday w the whole live thing#has anything to do with it lmfao#and you may be like ok well youre taking it too personally and letting it affect you#and yeah maybe youre right LOL but i cant help it i care about the guy and i want him to be okay#he seems to have a really good support system though so i hope things blow over soon and he can finally have some peace#anyway. rant over! 💋#raquel speaks
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little soup cans are some of the neatest things we have, wish there were more soup-can-like things in this world
#just me hi#though canopeners need to stop being deadly weapons to some degree before that hfhs#'they're not deadly tho ?' well usually yes. but did you know that they can age Badly? i did not!#and the one I was using was dulled to an extent that it would Skip over a part of the can#(nearly the same spot every time lol) and when I thought I'd managed to fool it and had only#the tiniest bit of metal between me and some beans (pretty sure it was beans) I thought#'ohh I'll just pull up the can lid :)' Well the lid snapped off completely towards and Into my hand#and I had a bean-can wound on my pinky for about a week or so. I do not know how long it's been lol#//but soup cans are pretty cool I feel like they're kinda underappreciated !!#you can just have Soup ? Whenever ??? and it's Normal !! wow :D#sure making soup is pretty great. but that's a process man. and we're not even associates#[<- 'a process I am (not) intimate with']#like there is a little can of menudo in the pantry rn - medunito they call it isn't that just !! - and it's just there. it can be made in#like 10 minutes. is this Not the best thing ever ! ?#//I've also gotta figure out this sleeping thing that I've got going on (everybody has it going on)#I was maybe half a week into actually have a consistent thing going but the night I stopped was bc I am a sucker of a storyteller and we#were up til about. I think 4-6 a.m.#that's on me yes. my siblings vs. my desire to tell stories and rubber willpower hfbdh#a deadly match truly#and also I lost my snoopy watch (RIP snoopy watch you will be missed (I can't find it send help Waough)) and that was the only clock I had#in this room so now if I wanna know the time I have to go the living room - which is like a whole dang thing lemme tell you about it#/first I've gotta get up - easiest thing by far - and get to the door - assuming I don't get KO'd by my siblings' belongings on the floor -#get to the door. the door Is broken to some extent. opening it means a loud THDPD noise is sent throughout the entire house lol. and you#have to yank on the thing to get it open - so double effort there - and then you step out into the hallwayish area where you can then enter#the living room - oh so easy! but No! you then have to either turn on the kitchen lights and wake everyone with their door open or sleeping#in the living room for whatever reason Orrr you have to clamber over chairs pots perhaps a cat if you've got real bad luck that night to ge#up nice n personal to the clock so you can read the dang thing and see it's 11:23. which is like nothing so you stay up Anyway and do not#check the clock again because not only was that a hassle but also you released every creature that was in the room with you (that's a lot o#noise). but Yea the clock situation is ongoing hfbsh#'why don't you get a clock' that would be much too easy loll :) (last one disappeared and we keep forgetting lol) //ran out of tag space so
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#aaand we're back to crying jags in the middle of the night and scrolling pubmed at 2 am.#mom and brother getting into screaming matches and ik it's bc they don't see eye to eye on A LOT + teenagerhood = unfortunate confrontation#but I can't help but wonder how much of her end stems from her diagnosis in terms of 'out of nowhere outburst'-wise#then feel bad about thinking that though some of the symptoms are in fact psychologicai? It's a neurology thing#I remember a little prior to her symptoms and also only a bit before her diagnosis so I can't properly tell#though I did see the physical symptoms get worse then stay the sameish#+ there's the whole it's not getting worse but it's not getting better & there's no cure & it could be worse BUT IT COULD BE SO MUCH BETTER#I can't wait to move out bc I genuinely can't focus here rn or be productive#but also I don't know if my brother is going to help out as much?#I think the worst thing is that I can do literally nothing.#like I can't drag her to a psychiatrist or encourage chemo or something bc it’s not that kind of illness#And ik she's tried everything (hence the holistic rabbithole)#and it's still. not getting acutely worse but so far from good.#everything hurts.#os2.txt
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going to a comedy open mic tomorrow mostly to watch my friends (it's at a cool venue that my improv troupe performs at once a month and a few improv troupe friends are doing standup there) but when these friends were asking if i'd be interested in coming they were like "btw there's usually a ton of open spots on show days if YOU want to do something... and they're not strict about it only being standup either, people have done character pieces and sketches etc like they embrace the weirdness... and they're not strict about time limits you could probably do anything between three and eight minutes... sometimes if there's not enough people signed up they'll even let you go twice..." and i'm like god damn it i thought i was gonna take a break from aubrey but this setup is like tailor made for an aubrey appearance lmao
#still on the fence about it bc the burnout i experienced at the beginning of may extended to aubrey#especially bc so much of my aubrey stuff is comedy about gender and my brain was more in ''set everything on fire'' mode#and i think i've gotten to a good place with that burnout but i still haven't worked on any aubrey stuff since i got home from college#but even still even tho my mental health is better than it was a few weeks ago#recently i have had this horrible insomnia where i haven't been able to fall asleep at night in over a week#(i've made up for it with naps but still i am not mentally 100% rn. i've tried so many things and nothing has worked.)#so that's my justification for *not* doing aubrey tomorrow. however.#i reeeally need to get more performance experience bc there's only so much you can develop a sketch character without performing them#and this venue is so good. it's an art gallery like an hour away that's designed to be part gallery and part performance venue#especially for comedy. like the venue owner is this veteran comedian who used to work with bobcat goldthwait and a lot of other big names#and it's a low-pressure environment bc everyone there has seen me do comedy before with my improv troupe#but they still haven't seen me do aubrey at all so it's bringing a new side of my comedy to some of my main collaborators#like this is so much better than my previous aubrey performances bc they were all either#1. shows in CLASSROOMS with a bunch of my classmates who generally don't get my comedy (very clique-ish)#or 2. a guest spot on a show at a coffee shop where everyone knew each other except me#plus the biggest thing for me is the lack of a strict time limit. like as much as having a good 3-minute monologue can be#i think aubrey is a character you need to get to know a bit longer than 3 minutes. and a lot of my stuff is long while also being very tigh#like not every monologue is like this but my best aubrey monologues are almost like aubrey is telling you a sitcom storyline#and removing too many lines makes the whole narrative jenga tower fall over#and as much as i want to figure out how to make every monologue a good starting point#having the chance to perform multiple monologues if i get to go twice so that they can build off each other would be perfect#idk i'm not sure how often the open mics are there. at least monthly tho i might be missing next month's depending on when i'm in toronto#so like this wouldn't really be my only chance. but yeah i'm on the fence about whether to bring aubrey back for a performance tomorrow#i probably wouldn't do new material. i'd do the 5 minute version of my uncle reg monologue bc it's the one that's worked best so far#and if i get to do multiple. maybe i'd do the ''nom de plum'' monologue bc i think it's also very strong#and it has a good callback to uncle reg#but idk i also think doing the song would be very fun and on-theme since it's pride month and the song is a satire of rainbow capitalism#tho i'd probably have to rework the monologue that leads into the song bc even tho i loved the concept i don't think i articulated it well#or i could write an entirely different lead-in and make the previous monologue (''C/H/M'') a separate thing to revise later#which would probably go better and somehow be less work to write. but even so i don't know what the venue's sound setup is
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What if I proposed the analysis that Belos actually has very little internal moral compass and that his veneer of righteousness has always been implied by the writers to be complete fabricated bullshit even before watching and dreaming basically confirms it.
#ramblings of a lunatic#^shes going in drafts untagged bc a) philip stans who insist on the morally misguided angle terrify me in their persistence#and b) i would have to actually rewatch episodes and whatnot#but i think i can build credence to the idea that him and caleb started off not invested in witch hunting for moral righteousness#but numb to it via cultural normalisation and THUS. had an amoral approach to the whole thing#and the only thing either of them as orphan outsiders ever really would've gained from witch hunting would've been careers and recognition#a sense that they're heroes- not in the moral sense but in the narrative sense. that they were protagonists#The Most Important Boys so to speak#the difference being Caleb at some point decided witch hunting was wrong (i.e like hunter did. grew a moral compass)#and philip still navigated the world amorally 400 years later only motivated by a petty grudge and deep buried guilt#the latter of which is nearly irrelevant to anyone who isn't philip bc clearly he priorities that grudge above it#this is just a personal petty opinion#but i honestly don't think the 'delusional and petty' angle is any less complex than the 'moral crusader' angle w/ his character#and it matches the whole 'hes a magic conservative' message way better than his motives being genuine#one day I'll rewatch that scene in WaD and see if Philip fans are onto something and I've been drinking the pond water#or if it's actually congruent with his character like I've since come to see it and like i know many saw it the first time round#anyway this is actually all for me. in drafts you go#edit: hi. it's the ladel of like. 3 weeks after i made this and put it in drafts. it's nearly 1 am rn and- in my delirium-#i have decided to publish it#i doubt it'll do much w/ regards to response bc fandom has been on the quiet side lately (tho that can always change(#plus I made a similar post insinuating the same notion and it got ZERO traction positive or negative#which tells me I'm good to just say shit for the most part (in a good natured way)#anyway. hits post cutely (i am so fucking tired)
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when ww said "this is not my life, I'm no survivor, i only happened to survive"
#he gets it he really does.#hate when ppl call me resilient or are proud of me for surviving shit. girl i did not do anything to be here now. in fact quite the contrary#i am permanently in survival mode and I'm trying so hard to turn it off. but mostly in 1 direction and not the one most ppl hope#sigh. I'm tired man 😐 i just started new mood stabilizers and I'm anxious as fuck#(well. not new. i was on them before when i was a teen. can't remember why i stopped tho)#the whole trying new pills is depressing bc well. there's p much nothing left for me to try#i had a call with her this week. i mentioned it i think. but most of it was trying to figure out if there's meds i never tried out there#the only other one we considered to maybe replace my current antidepressant is very new to the market aka she doesn't know what it does yet#so. instead of replacing. adding stabilizers and hope they don't make things even worse (but lbr they probably will)#I'm very close to giving up yet again. idk what there even is to give up on anymore. my life is nothing with a side of void#but giving up is the only thing i know how to do. I'm too anxious to do anything else. i don't know how to do anything else#hhhhhhhhhhhhhhh really wanna cut rn but i already have some wounds on my hands and arms + I'm in enough pain as is so what's the use#vent#i should sleep. idk if i can. I've been trying all day and failed. I'm so tired#i wish i didn't wake up man 😐 i wish i died. tonight#suicide //#not really but implied ig#self harm mention //#ask to tag
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say what you will about trump but hamas calling an end to the war not even a day after being elected is the greatest news we've had all year....
#wish he would condemn the racists but unfortunately idiots make up most of the country. he knows this and exploits it.#esp when men as a whole are going through an identity crisis trying to find a footing in a new world where man doesnt mean the same thing#it did. we are at the awkward in-between stages trying to redefine what a man is besides having a penis now that trans people shook it up#while at the same time dealing with toxic masculinity from the older generations. who more often than not were not good people#so it seems theres no good role models trump knows this and says all the pretty words. i honestly feel bad for men rn.#i never understood the beef yall had w the lgbtq. but the lgbtq doesn't threaten everything i am either bc i don't base my identity around#having a pussy. we all have masculine and feminine energies inside us. yin and yang. self mastery is the only way society can progress.#that may sound nonbinary of me. do not misunderstand me. i love being a woman. i don't wanna be anything else#but our men are going through things we cannot understand. so just. grant them some grace. its a weird time#keep in mind you are a soul not your body. one day it won't be yours anymore
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might never have another pet ever again
#just lost the 3rd cat just in the last year#except this one is MY cat. my baby#we went from 4 cats and a dog to 1 cat and a dog in under a year and I can't take it#tw animal death#at least henry had some warning unlike alex who died pretty suddenly#but it hurts more#he's the most important thing in my life other than my niece#but my niece has so many people loving and caring for her and he just had me#me and of course my whole family loves him but he was my responsibility he was MY cat#anyway yeah before the depression hits does anyone wanna order a needlepoint or amigurumi piece#so that I can have something to do that feels productive and also some income bc I don't foresee the job search going anywhere rn#anyway I'm just. I don't know. good thing I have therapy on Friday I guess
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#there's something really depressing of me thru the years#coming here to rant about stuff i can't find myself to talk about with ppl around me#and it just hits harder when i remember myself ranting about university and how i had hard time getting through it#just to pop here again after some years with a degree#but unemployed for almost 2 years now#idk i have no words#i feel like a complete failure watching everyone around me go on with their lives and doing stuff#while I'm 24/7 in my apartment living off my parents' money#at fucking 25 jesus christ#i really wanna blame the whole system#bc i felt the whole thing in my bones#doing interviews#sending my cv#but never getting answers#checking every day if there's a job related to my degree that I'm qualified for just to get disappointed when there's barely any#but idk#I just think there must've been something i could do to not be in this position rn#if i didn't have high standards when i first started searching for jobs#if i was confident enough in interviews#stuff like that#then there's my mother pressing the idea of me getting a different degree since 'this one won't get me far'#while there's literally nothing else i like doing or at least have skills for#different degree on what exactly#then again#i can't really go on like this and it's really frustrating#i don't wanna go back to my hometown and work at my parents restaurant again this summer#idk seeing the same ppl again and get asked if i found a job just to answer no#it's fucking humiliating#and i know I'm projecting when I think about what everyone will think of me but can you blame me#🍃
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life is not being silly to me rn
#⋯ ꒰ა starry thoughts ໒꒱ *·˚#no i'm probably just being dramatic. but. still.#kinda frustrated w one of my friends rn bcs i think she knows smth is up w us atm but girl has the nerve to be like 'smth's been off#since the start of the sy' in a shared server w another friend and uh. girl. ily but you've been weird since the start of the sy#and haven't told me or my twin why at all even when we've asked <//3 so. sigh. spending time w other friends more atm yay!!!#anyway i miss some friends a whole lot tho ..... one online friend i've grown even closer w thx to instagram surprisingly#and irls i've actually interacted a lot w in a really nice way the last two months and so :3 it's amazing really#and like ... 3 or 4 online friends i really miss (aka i am attached to them but we haven't been talking much lately for wtvr reason)#and i want to get to know more people still but i don't want to be like my friends who do that but forget other friends. i wna balance it#all which is going to be reaaal difficult esp w me being an academic high achiever w cets coming up but i have tons of hobbies#and i get tired and distracted easily and find it hard to start AND finish things and and and i still have social anxiety#but i'll try my best! <3 i am wayyy too ambitious indeed but hey i gotta try to do what i can and achieve what i want ya know!!
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just looking at this from a purely technical perspective, as someone who's had the opportunity to blow glass before (I'm terrible at it but it is incredibly fun lmao), these forms are truly impressive. I'm looking specifically at that second to last one there - the fact that it is still clearly hollow all the way through, despite the incredible obstruction to the shape and the necessity to lay the molten glass while still on the blowpipe onto the mold they had to make before the glass (cooled-off) could ever touch the stone seen in the picture is remarkable. Getting that fold in the top part of the glass without losing the structural integrity of the overall form while it was still able to be shaped without shattering probably took multiple attempts, and the fact that the outside of the shape is still so rounded and flawless overall, without any part of the entire shape looking overblown or thinned, or even way too thick, speaks to some good skill.
I love glassblowing. It's so neat. If you ever get a chance to, I recommend trying it out haha
Erik Olovsson (Swedish, b.1982)
INDEFINITE VASES - various types of marble, granite and onyx combined with mouth blown glass - 2016
“The project is an exploration of the relationship between geometric and organic forms – transparent and opaque. Indefinite melting materia interacts with definite angular forms and gravity determines the relationship in between. Indefinite Vases are sculptures or containers. Functional or decorative. The contrast between the cut stone and the form of the hand blown glass emphasizes the relation between space and object, an interplay between a fragile material and its solid counterpart.”
https://studioeo.com/p/infinite-vases
#I've been involved with the craft sphere of both my province and my country as a whole for my whole life thanks to my mum#and there used to be a really good glassblowing group that we'd get hand-blown glass from sometimes#usually for christmas as a special treat bc handblown glass is HELLA expensive lmao#that group doesn't exist anymore because the guys involved went back to post-secondary for furthering their careers but they made big waves#and also the many other glassblowing people still around are so incredible#I went to a workshop just a couple of weeks ago actually where we made glass ornaments#that'll be one of the most common thing you'll find from handblown glass makers around the holidays#because people tend to like to add that extra sparkle to their trees or whatever#but if you look into what else the glassblowing group you're talking to have made usually you'll find incredible sculptures and stuff#for her involvement in the craft sphere my mum got an award made by two of the most famous glassblowers rn haha#and beyond the beauty of the award the technical skill put into it is absolutely stunning#I'm not gonna put here what it was bc that'd be doxxing myself but just know there was some really fine pieces on this award#glassblowing is just so pretty#and HOT#holy SHIT those rooms can get hot#the furnace that every glass blower needs to have to actually fuckin do their craft is so hot you have to stand like 2 feet away#even while your blowpipe is sticking inside with your molten glass#it's so fun#get your kids involved with craft#because craft can be one of the absolute best outlets a kid can have#and especially with technical things like glassblowing kids are a fuckin breath of fresh air#they aren't worried about messing up their glass because they don't assign fake importance to something that isn't even made yet#they just go 'whoops!' and start again as everyone getting into something should#it's amazing
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okay you know what actually. time is an opinion
#just me hi#hiyo :3#not doing anything rn bc i have a block in my dam and Honestly#i'm bad at keeping track of time longterm. like there are people i know that i'm like 'i've known them for 2+ months :)' and it's been year#ljfvsh#and that's with everyone but with my family. who has been here since the beginning of time of course#like my brother leo n i were talking abt our parents n how the childrearing strategy changed over time and for some reason i. forgot#he wasn't just like. spectating before he was born lmaooo#like yea there was a time you weren't here but you've always been here! and what do you mean you don't know about xyz we grew up with that#(he did not of course lolll)#and then the Spookiness doesn't help much of course. yea i've known this person for 3 weeks (3 years) and i have initiated Stranger Status#to myself kfshg#//anyway i'm typing rn and for some reason i keep trying to replace Gs with Ds and vice versa#new weirg typind issue!! i det a new one every so many weeks lol :3#i shoulg start cataloduind them.. that'g be fun :33#//wanna draw rn too.. or write...#you know what's really stupid is feeling guilty cuz you just wanna do the same 2 things over and over and over and over again#it's just that good dude !!! i'm gonna do it anyway cuz nothing's really ever stopped me so hfsbvs#i wanna do a little picrew game thing i had an idea for the other day and i've been putting it off since like. i think july hgbfshv#'the other day (a whole month ago)' yea i can see why my siblings are at their wits' ends hfhgbshv#that was like a week ago dude.. it has Not been 4 groups of 7 c'mon!#//anyway i'm gonna try to get to doin that#that or explode. one of those#both are pretty good.. who knows!!#feelin like i'm swimming in warm water so hfsvh#/toodles toodles :3
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gotta get back into like spirituality. i lost touch w it bc like life happens and i got busy and distracted but one of my friends who's very gifted gave me a tarot reading yesterday and it made me remember that like. i have that power too. i just have to build it back up like a muscle
#she bork#tbd#ngl the reading made me very anxious lol but just bc it was something i needed to hear and it basically just warned me to use caution and#discretion w money which is something that has been very very heavy on my mind lately anyway. it also told me to stop being passive and#letting uncertainty paralyze me which has also been on my mind a lot bc in december i have to move out of the house i've been in for like#four years and my bf and i both don't know what we're gonna do yet (bc like there's some stuff going on w his family that makes moving in w#his mom and paying her rent for her benefit a big contender for a next step but like idk about living w parental figure bc i'm a whole ass#adult. so he might move in w her alone but then i'd have to live alone somewhere and that would kill me i think lol) and also idk what to do#job-wise bc i want to stay at this job for at least like two years just for the experience and so i can demonstrate that like i camp out at#jobs and don't just job-hop but also it's hurting my body and it's very stressful and like i enjoy it most of the time but the bad times#feel really bad. and also i'm tired of going in at like 3 in the morning it feels like i have no life bc even if i'm off the following day#i'm too tired to stay up and do anything that night bc i woke up that morning at like 2:30. so i'm like debating looking for something more#in line w what i want to do and like how i want to live like i'd love to work from home and have energy to exercise and be healthy mentally#and physically and honestly idk if i have that rn. idk just there's lots of stuff on the horizon that's making me very anxious and i have a#tendency to freeze when i get scared and in the pst things have just tended to fall together for me but that won't work this time. this time#i have to do it myself.#so anyway i need to get back in touch w my spiritual side and open myself up to the possibilities. rn i think i just feel stuck and afraid#but if i can take the bull by the horns and actively try to improve my life then it's no big deal
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one thing that doesn’t make sense to me is how wwe makes people pay money in order to watch ppvs (or ples as they’re now called) but then they post said events for free on yt several months/years later... or even worse, they just put highlights (aka everything you need to know) of matches on the raw/smackdown episode after said ppvs... i’m not sure how their marketing strategy works but i don’t think it’s a great way to do business
#like make it make sense#if you post them for free after a while some people will cancel their subscriptions and just wait for stuff to be put on the yt channel#the goal when you set up a subscription is so people get something others don't#i mean if i paid for this (which i am not) i would be a little mad about it bc wdym everyone can watch them for free?#but then again i'm not the type to be impatient about a ppv#i am satisfied with knowing the results without watching the whole thing#also can we talk about how on the next raw/smackdown episode right after the ppv they show us highlights of the matches#it's like i don't need to watch the ppv anymore when you've shown me all the important moments of the match#i don't think i'm making sense rn but i think it's a little weird to do this#sorry for the random wrestling talk but i'm currently watching a ppv for free on the official wwe yt channel#smal talk
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