#i don't hate jihwa and jeongjae pls don't kill me

[aprilsray]

sometimes I think about how for a very brief moment even lee dongsik's best friends of 30 years suspected that he could be the murderer and how it just displays how lonely dongsik was even in the company of his near and dear ones. the implications of him giving his all to them but his trauma and grief and his reaction to these creating a wall between him and his beloveds, separating him from them, sowing the seeds for suspicion in a bond lasting multiple decades. I wonder how dongsik reacted when he learnt that they suspected him too, i wonder if he would've bitterly laughed it off thinking how it was logical for them to think that way that it was common sense for jihwa and jeongjae to point the needle towards him. why? well because isn't he the resident suspect, isn't he crazy enough to do it, isn't that who he is.

but the truth is he is not. i wonder if even as he bitterly laughed a needle would've struck in his heart, if he would've thought why can no one ever trust me. what is it that I did that even my own friends can consider the option of suspecting me.