#i do wanna say the only reason I'm not reading worm instead is because I've read it for three hours today and my eyes hurt lol

[ghxstkn1fe]

is there a worm reader to the boys watcher pipeline. cause baby, I'm about to engage in even more morally ambiguous superhero vs villan content.

[survivor-trinidad-and-tobago]

Episode 8: "i have never been so alone in the game"—Astyn

In this round: Tony, Champ, Colin, Raffy, and Kolby win Family Feud, leaving everyone else in danger of being eliminated at tribal council; half the tribe loses their vote; Astyn is voted out; and Steven wins on Purgatory and re-enters the chat after tribal council

Eman

I've gone back to feeling a bit adrift . . . I feel like I am in a good position, very close with a number of people - but I don't think I'm anyone's number one. (In fairness, I don't know that I have a ride-or-die either, just a lotta people that I really like and would be happy to continue working with.

Interestingly, I will say that I've seen a bit of negative chatter re: Astyn, and I'll come right out and say that I like them! They were one of the first people to welcome me post tribal switch and they've just been plain *nice* to me and I see no reason not to reciprocate. Maybe the two of us could somehow get a whole UTR thing going I'd be down for that.

Also finally chatting with Alex more - I broke and addressed the elephant in the room first (we now only have one extra vote between us and should strategize on how to use it at some point) and I'm reasonably certain (it's SO hard when you can't read body language) that he appreciated that.

--

Oh how the worm squirms . . .

I suspected Zee, now I'm close with Zee.

I was close with Kolby, now I'm finding Kolby's actions suspect.

AND I CAN'T MAKE A FREAKIN' PLAN cuz I don't know how anyone beyond my immediate group did all because Raffy was milliseconds faster on hitting enter than I was (and I'd actually like to send off to New York for a replay because there's NO FREAKIN' way that he wasn't hitting enter before the hosts were done talking. That's all I gotta say.

But I think Raffy also knew he was in danger, so I can't fault that. I'm probably in danger too (or I'm paranoid; I'll give it even odds) for being too freakin' old and too freakin' likeable (and too freakin' opinionated, but right now only my diary/the confessional booth knows that latter part).

Anyway, I'd really like to stop thinking about the game and instead go back to obsessing about other things . . . so more later.

--

What kinda game am I playing?

I ONLY WISH I KNEW.

Fly by the seat of my pants, what feels right in the moment, dear god I hope this doesn't come back to bite me in the ass in the long run, I wanna be likeable, but not too likeable, I wanna be smart, but not too smart, god-freakin-dammit, this is too hard, gosh-freakin-darnit this is so much fun.

That's what kinda game I'm playing.

And I am also obviously growing increasingly unhinged as time goes by.

Tony

Champ and I fuckin killed that challenge and I’m stoked that we’re in an alliance together! I’m not nervous for tribal but am torn because it feels like folks are gonna be gunnin’ for Michael. I’m gonna do my best to protect him but only hope it pays off.

Zee

We hit the merge! And my my my, I have so much shit going on it's crazy. I realized the only people I haven't really spoken to before merge were Michael and Raffy, but since the merge I kind of have just been talking about yellowjackets with Raffy, still haven't gotten around to talking with Michael but that's alright. I'm hoping that I'm on the winning tribe for this family feud thing, because I feel like there's a target on my back(put there by Raffy) and I'd really like it if I didn't have to feel like I need to play it so early on. I still don't trust anyone, of course, but right now I'm vibing the most with Kaleigh and Champ, and also with MH(Eman). The edgic definitely is super interesting, I'd like to think that I'm this under the radar player that people keep talking positive about, but I also have no idea, since it seems like(since last time they got UTRP5) that they are being talked about A LOT, by everyone, but in a positive way. So maybe it is me, who knows.

I also am majorly stressed about tribal council, to a point where it's almost unfun to actually play due to the anxiety. Why, you ask? Well, I got the read receipts on disadvantage in like....my first Idol hunt I think, which goes into effect in my next tribal council. Except the problem is, I NEVER WENT TO TRIBAL, so it's never been used. However, Trinica and AJ said they're only able to tell me how it messes up my game, AFTER tribal council, which makes it all the scarier. Can I calculate my moves based on what it does? Nope. So basically I have an advantage I know virtually nothing about now (insert yikes face here). I do know that if Raffy isn't safe, it seems like the smartest move to vote him out.

--

So Champ and I just had like an hour and a half call(and we're probably gonna call more later to talk about things) and like.....I don't wanna say I trust her but I really want to trust her. Like we out here vibing and I just hope she stays loyal bc I genuinely want to work with her so I think it's really good if she wants to work with me too. I feel like it would be wise to call w/Kaleigh at some point as well, just to get on top of things, but genuinely Kaleigh and Champ are the two people I want to be sitting at the end with. And I know, I know, you have to take goats along so that your game seems better and blahblahblah. Whatever, sue me. Also I genuinely don't know who is allied with who right now, but I do have theories. I think Kolby is probably in Alex's pocket, and if Alex is smart(which he is, in a very mischievous and tailored way) then he's definitely aligned with Raffy. I know MH might be close with Kolby as well, but maybe they won't tell him anything, if we(or I) stress the worries that I have surrounding that. Chances are that whatever we tell Kolby, makes a beeline right to Raffy, or at least to Alex, both of which aren't good. I definitely also think that Colin and Astyn have made their way back to Raffy, and also Colin apparently has a rather big mouth, so it's not wise to tell him anything of substance.

Champ and I also talked about who we'd want to get out, and the list as it stands is Raffy, then Alex, then Colin, in order of threat level. As it stands, the plan could be this: Kaleigh and I, and at least Jack don't have votes. There's a large possibility that more people than that don't have votes. But let's talk about what we are almost positive of. Kaleigh and Jack don't have votes, and neither do I. So, valid votes without extra votes are 9. If I use my extra vote, and Champ uses her extra vote and her normal vote, and MH votes with us, perhaps we'll be able to bring in Tony too, that gives us 5 votes. If we're lucky, the other votes will be scattered. If not, we'll either have majority, or go to rocks. At least that's the goal. I have no clue what's happening challenge wise, but we'll see. Stay tuned for more folks.

--

Ok so let’s get one thing straight. I still don’t trust none of these bitches. Especially since ya bitch doesn’t have a vote. HOWEVER, I think I’m making a plan. Most of the people in the Mystery Machine group(those of em w/votes) seem to want to vote Astyn, especially is good if MH can convince Tony to vote w/them. I’ve also heard Michael’s name from people like Kolby, and Colin seems to want to vote for Michael as well. Sooooo, if I’m lucky, the votes will be split somewhat between Michael and Astyn, sending one of them home. I don’t want to use my idol, because that will break the trust of everyone, so I just have to hope that tribal goes my way. Also, EVERYONE is coming out of the woodworks to talk w/me, I also have been trying to talk with others as well lol, since I kinda got a bit lax and didn’t do much talking for a bit. So I just have to stay on top of my social game more.

Colin

FUCK YEAH I'M SAFE

that challenge was so chaotic. glad we made it thru.

I haven't heard anything about the first vote yet, which is fun because I know it's going to turn out chaotic, but at LEAST I'M SAFE so I don't have to worry about it. Zee also put together a chat with me, Jack, and Champ and I suppose it's going to be an alliance. I'm excited for it, but there's not a ton of loyalty there, there's other people I wanna work with more. This group only formed because we played the codenames challenge together. I think I'm gonna try to reinstate the power rangers alliance with Raffy, Jack, and Astyn. BUT I also really wanna work with Eman and Alex, so I need to lay ground work there because we haven't been on a tribe together before.

I have nothing else to confess about so here's a power ranking of everyone on the tribe, ranked by how much I wanna work with them

1. Alex 2. Eman 3. Zee 4. Raffy 5. Kaleigh 6. Jack 7. Astyn 8. Champ 9. Kolby 10. Michael 11. Tony

will confess later when tribal starts triballing.

Jack

side note: I love Michael and would not throw him into the firing line unless it’s a last resort option but I was HELLA frustrated with his answers screwing us in the challenge

Kolby

Michael

We have tribal council tonight, I've heard from pretty much everyone that the vote is Astyn. Just makes sense at this point. So I'll go that way.

Raffy

I do not really have much to say. I haven't really been socializing well with my tribe, so I have no idea where the vibe is. Apparently, Kolby and Zee are leading the charge against Astyn which I hate. But I can't do much about it because I don't even have a vote. I could use my idol on Astyn, but to take out who? There's no one whose eligible that I really want gone. I wish the target would change from Astyn to Michael. If it has to be someone from OG Calypso, let it be someone I was never in an alliance with, you know? I just hope I can find my footing because I feel a bit lost right now.

Kaleigh

broooo i got a knowledge is power advantage holy shit. it stresses me out bc i’m like well maybe i should save it but i dont wanna be one of those ding dongs who leaves the game w an advantage that could have saved them. uuuuuuugggggggh.

lmao zee asked to chat and casually was like “i lost my vote in an idol hunt but i have that other vote from before,” as if she had told me about it, i was like hmm what vote? she was all “DID I NOT TELL U?” baby i c u!! u know u didn’t tell me hun. either that or the bimbo alliance is more aptly named than i thought. anyway so i'm not sure if champ told her i knew (rude) or if she just decided that she wanted to lock in w me. either way... NOTED!!!!

okay what is new what is newwwww. i’m vulnerable at tribal (i just typed TRIBLE LMFAO) , alex lost his vote in the SAME IDOL HUNT THAT ZEE DID!!! i wish i had told him not to go down that path but i didn’t know how to w/o telling him zee lost her vote. which NOW… i wish i j had cuz zee has suddenly gone extreeeemely messy. OR IS IT ME WHO’S BECOME MESSY? AM *I* THE DRAMA?!?!? zee wants michael out (probably bc he is the person she’s spent the least time talking with) and i want astyn out (for the same reason and also they are allied w raffy who is not allowed to get far in this game!!). so zee asked who we should vote and i said astyn and she was like “or we could stay soca strong and vote out michael.” LOL voting out astyn would be soca strong??? what r u talking aboutttTTT!!! and alex said after he threw Astyn’s name out to zee and zee said michael, five minutes later colin told alex that kolby was the one who mentioned michael’s name , not zee LMAOOO she is just… doing a lot. these sentences are so confusing even to me. ANYWAY.

alex and i are pipe dreaming about whether or not there’s a way to get zee out tonight - i havent told him (or anyone) about my advantage, j bc i’m kinda scared he’ll target me, but honestly i like alex and it feels like he’s been pretty forthcoming with me about stuff, AND he’s usually available for a phone call which is like everythinggg. like i like playing w him. we also figured out michael and tony might be irl friends bc alex noticed a familiarity when tony said something to trinica in the scavenger hunt challenge and michael told me yday he’s friends w trin and that’s why he’s in this game. AGAIN… something steven was correct about - he had said that he chose michael to be on that second soca formation bc he wanted to separate michael and tony bc they were both in texas and might know each other. genius! i miss steven!! but michael and i talked game finally (phew) and he seems to want to work with me and also alex which YAY. he said he and tony are voting astyn. i wish it felt like there was an easy way to get zee out this round cuz her gameplay is giving CONFUSING. and i dont like it LOL i haven’t gotten to talk to champ at all since the results of the challenge came out, and i’m kind of nervous about that. i thiiiiink we can get astyn out but zee is making me very wary cuz she’s j not rly replying and knowing that she’s trying to orchestrate some weird michael vote out is just creeping me out. ANYWHO… not much else to say. i might tell alex that zee lost her vote the same way he did to see if he can come up with any ideas to get her out tonight but i j dont think i feel it. might be too big a move rn or too divisive or alienating to ppl who aren’t in on the vote. or maybe it would just fail LOL who knows!! astyn feels like a safe vote rn but who knows what will happen before/at tribal. not me :) part of me is like, vote me out so i can have my life back!!! and the other part is like, if i get voted out my life will be over!! which is… truly out of touch with reality!!

Alex

It's fascinating seeing everyone keeping their cards so close to their chest for this first vote. Kolby and Zee both straight up asked me who I was thinking without any buildup but when I spun it back on Zee she was like "I don't have any big thoughts." Like, I know you suggested Michael to Kaleigh so you definitely have thoughts, you just suddenly don't want to share them with me? I know Eman and I will talk game today but we're at least having conversation outside of the game, too. Kaleigh and Michael are the two I feel genuinely solid with right now, and Champ, she's just hard to reach already and it makes me worried going forward. Kaleigh and I were thinking Asytn because they're one of the only two we haven't really met yet, and when Kaleigh floated it to Michael Michael floated it to me. So I think we're all solid as a trio, we just don't have a group chat or anything to make it official like Champ, Kaleigh, and I do. Jack it sounds like is also on board, at least for Astyn, but I don't know if it's because he and Michael are close or because he's just going along with what keeps him safe. Colin and I are dancing around giving up any information to each other and since he's tight with Zee I'm trying not to make the first move. Raffy and I haven't talked since before the challenge even kicked off, so I don't know where we stand, and Tony and I haven't talked since pre-merge but whatever.

--

LMAO I just remembered I don't even have a vote for this. Idol hunting is a nightmare and I'm half-considering stopping hunting entirely so I don't get hit with something else.

Astyn

This round been so quiet for me. I feel like my time has come to an end in this game. I was so excited to make merge. But i have never been so alone in the game. People I thought I was working with with aren't talking to me.

Tribal Council

Votes

Lost Votes: Alex, Kaleigh, Zee, Raffy, Jack, Astyn

Colin: Michael (I don’t think you’re going but unanimous votes are boring!)

Tony: Astyn (nothing personal, we just didn’t have time to connect)

Michael: Astyn (At this point it just makes sense for my game, hope you have a good one!)

Champ: Astyn (OPE OPE OPE)

Eman: Astyn (I hate voting for an enby during Pride month, but to do otherwise would be tokenism.)

Kolby: Astyn (they’re super sweet and i’m sad about this but everyone just wants an easy vote and i don’t want to rock the boat this early in the merge!)

[heloisedaphnebrightmore]

uhhhhh i love the sensation of impending doom when you know a plot twist will be there at the end of the road specially in fantasy!!

i’m into two povs when it’s like Julia Quinn and other period authors do it or two first person povs in contemporary romances but the latter can trigger some self deprecating thoughts so i tend to avoid them when i know it’s gonna be too passionate

uhhh but like on the whole did you enjoy throne of glass?? i read the first one but…. i don’t know…. it felt too fanfic-esque for me which is terrible to say because there’s so much astonishing prose in here but i can’t think of any other way to describe it so i didn’t think it was worth my time but maybe you’ll change my mind? (i mean the 7-9 povs makes me wanna run for the hills haha)

yeah it’s all about the tension, steamy, snarky, funny pining count me in, whining, teenage pining nah-ah not gonna happen. since we’re talking pining and i just saw your summer book recs i wanna suggest you to read people we meet on vacation instead of book lovers, if i could pick any topic to do an hour ted talk about would be “how disappointing was book lovers” 🤷🏼‍♀️ but i also wanna know what you think about tessa bailey (from your last post i get that you like her hehe), im thinking about giving her books a try but i don’t know…… something in me is holding me back

~goodreads anon

Yes, but only if the plot twist is executed well. I've seen too many bad ones, I'm very sceptical at this point :D

"The latter can trigger some self deprecating thoughts"... wait... hold on, what do you mean? If you don't mind, can you explain that? You don't have to, of course, if it makes you uncomfortable, I'm just curious.

Oh dear, here we go, you should not have asked me that question. TOG is a sensitive topic here xD You see, you are asking the wrong person and now I'm gong to have a word vomit. You opened a can of worms! The following is completely my personal opinion and doesn't represent others. (I hope noone will bash me)

You see, I loved Acotar. I fell in love with it. I'm still obsessing over it. So, I had high hopes for TOG. But it was a complete and utter disappointment. I rated the Throne of Glass series 2 and 3 stars out of 5. I suffered and suffered through books after books. I usually read 700 pages on a good day. These 8 books took me 1.5 months to finish.

I kind liked book one, because I love Dorian, I adore my princeling, but then Chaol was meh and I couldn't stand Celaena whilst Rowan didn't do it for me either. The only reason I kept going with this series, even though the characters were meh and the story was mild, was because Dorian and Manon were brilliant. Even Lorcan was intriguing. But if those three weren't in the books, I would have DNFed the very first book in my life.

I know why people like it, I can see why they would like it and I respect that, but for me it was a freaking struggle. So all in all, does it get better after the first two books? Yes, because new interesting characters come along. But the plot is still mild, most of the characters are boring or arrogant and the way it's written, jumping between multiple povs as if you were travelling between events like when you accidentally flip 5 pages at a time, made me physically (I'm not lying) pull my hair. So, do with that information what you will.

Yes, I get you, but then those teenage, whining, pinning books are usually targeted for teenagers. So obviously they will be slightly more cringey. I don't think it's bad though, it's just different. As an adult, I do prefer the snarky, steamy pinning, but when I was a teenager, I could melt at those cringey teenage pinning scenes xD

I do plan to read 'People we meet on vacation', but I'm on a book buying ban until August so I have to read what's on my shelf :D I'm glad you actually said "how disappointing was Book Lovers" because I can go into it with a bit more scepticism and I won't be as disappointed if it's bad. But then I heard so much good about it (BookTok) that at this point I just have to decide for myself. I will read it after I finish my current read and can I ask you to rant to me about it once I finished? :D

Okay, I'm going to be very transparent with you about Tessa Bailey. Is she my favourite author? Nope! Are her stories excellent? Nope! But she is good and her stories have some sort of an edge. I personally have a love hate relationship with her books. I don't like them like I'm intrigued by the characters or they have amazing plot lines. They don't. But at the same time, I can't put them down. I can't explain to you what it is. They piss me off, but I love them. Do I even make sense? Anyway, I always recommend her because of my ambivalent feelings about her books xD

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