#i didn't realize how much media I had consumed lately lol

[olderthannetfic]

please, send help. i (23y/o) think i am getting to a stage where I need to be a Cool Aunt TM for my niece (13y/o). She's been a bit too online since she had to move around a lot. She had a bit of antis mentality, but i'm trying to pull her away from it slowly. At the same time, she's been around the internet, reading 18+ yaois and shit. I did the same at her age, so I can’t say I don't understand her. But as an adult idk how to talk about this 18+ healthily with her? or do I even need to? should I leave her on her own devices? I didn't have an adult to talk about these things with growing up so idk how you're supposed to do this.

There is not way to say how my parents or sibling (her mom) would react if I drop this on them, could be +/- , but it's a bit of a lottery depending on the most recent online articles they read lately. lol. They're open to convos, but a bit religious.

I'm taking suggestions if anybody would like to give some.

P.S. I am also not a cool person, i'm pretty much a lame homebody so… i also don’t know how to be cool lol.

im so sorry idk who else to ask.

--

Ahaha. Well, don't try too hard to be ~cool~. Nothing could be more offensive to the sensibilities of a 13-year-old.

A well delivered "Oh, come on, no one really thinks that" and eye-roll in response to the more delusional anti stuff has a wonderful effect if you're offline and the person respects you. Humans in general and 13-year-olds in particular are hypersensitive about fitting in. A boring and serious lecture from an older person will set off every melodramatic "The old people don't understaaaand!" instinct, but a well-timed "LOL, WTF" causes internal panic that one has missed something. If she wants the serious and nuanced explanation, she can ask for it, but I wouldn't start there.

As for how you talk about raunchy art... it really depends on the person. If she realizes you like the same stuff, she may bring it up. I think recs are fine, and so is euphemistic "I liked the ship dynamic in this one". "I got off to this" is TMI on your part. (Well, it's TMI on her part too, but be prepared for TMI if you become the confidant of a 13-year-old.)

Honestly, as long as she's directing the conversation and you aren't sharing details of your masturbation habits, I think you'll be fine. 13-year-olds aren't babies. If they're old enough to read porny doujinshi, they're old enough to talk to a trusted adult about them.

My teen tastes were weird art films full of sex. 13 is pretty young, but within a couple of years, she'll be the age I was when I was trying to see shit like Crash. She could be anywhere from self-assured in her tastes and interested in discussing her favorite media to easily-influenced to paralyzed by guilt. Creepy grooming shit comes from groomers choosing to groom, not from the topic of sexuality being in the air. If she's reading something with even a shred of plot or romance, you can talk about that without the actual conversation being X-rated. My main concern would be to avoid her trying to impress you by consuming media she finds uncomfortable or talking about things she doesn't actually want to share. You can really only judge that by body language and tone of voice in the moment.

I mean... does "18+ yaois" mean actual BL series here that have a few sex scenes or doujinshi that are entirely porn? ('Yaoi' basically means 'PWP' and is not exactly complimentary, after all.) It's somewhat harder to talk about the latter. But I liked some pretty out-there shit as a teen and did talk to adults about it. They just let me do most of the talking.

Probably the easiest way to broach the topic is to catch her reading something and go "Oh, I read that one" or "I liked [name of BL]".

[hoziersong]

hey, you were saying that you don't think izzy should've died and that you didn't agree with his character arc for reflected upon reasons. is it okay to ask what those reasons are? you just always have interesting opinions about tv and i'd love to know about this one

oh hi! well i'm happy to share my thoughts since you asked so politely lol i just didn't share them earlier bc when there's discourse ppl act so vile sometimes

anyways. izzy hands huh. multi-faceted, complicated, very intense character. let me begin by saying the fact that david jenkins and con o'neill managed to do a total 180 on izzy in terms of how the audience reacted to him between s1 and s2 without fundamentally ruining his character is astounding!! i think the whole point of izzy has always been the fact that he's a man who tends to hold on too tight to the stuff that gives him a semblance of safety (even though that stuff is usually pretty traumatic lol) and across s2 we see him slowly loosening his grip on blackbeard. the fact that it was precisely blackbeard's brutal return that made izzy realize both him and ed were in too deep really just adds to how awesome the writing was this season.

and now, just to clarify: i didn't say i disagreed with his character arc, but with the way it was executed. as in, i think izzy's journey was perfectly well written and acted out by con (please give that man an award), and up until the finale it was actually very well executed!! it's the last plot device that i disagree with.

killing off izzy was a bold choice, and a very common way in which writers both show redemption and pull poignant reactions from the audience, which is ultimately what any show strives for!! for the audience to feel deeply about certain characters or stories. i think ppl have forgotten that and focused so much on wanting everything to be emotionally "clean" and lacking of controversy. guys!! the whole of fiction isn't supposed to cater to everyone!! that's why it's fiction!! it can be manipulated by creators and audience alike and each individual piece is supposed to be different. if you don't like emotional ups and downs in the media you consume that's understandable, but don't condemn the pieces of media that do have it. simply don't watch if you don't like it. i personally like these feelings, the ugly, and the dirty, and the unfair, and the painful, the human!!! it's part of the experience and they did it well this season.

even with that in mind though, i think death was only one of the many options through which they could've symbolized izzy finally letting go of blackbeard and the toxicity that name represented for all of them. i get how 'i wanna go' as a show of the deliberate decision izzy is making to escape from the emotional turmoil of ruthless piracy is trying to make his death seem like a way for him to rest, but. it's a pretty definitive rest and i think it wouldn't have been necessary, considering that one of the main things izzy learns this season is that you can spend years in a terrible environment but it's still never too late to pursue something softer for yourself and for the people you love. he says it, too: 'it's about belonging'.

as much as it is understandable to have wanted to take the way of the tragic and unexpected, for the sake of impact and to heighten the significance of what izzy has become this season, it would've been nice to see him stare at a long, happy future with the new family he's acquired aboard the revenge. ed let go of blackbeard without it meaning he had to renounce to the rest of his life for it, why couldn't izzy? it would've been wonderful to see all those years of life experience as a pirate reconcile with the reality that they're not dependent on isolating yourself from others. for izzy to have become captain, or even frenchie's first mate, would've been an excellent seal to his story, even leaving a future full of possibility to further explore how his character gets acquainted with his new way of looking at the world.

izzy put it that way: it is about letting go of ego for something larger. and his death can mean many things simultaneously, but it can also mean that without his ego he couldn't live. which. i do disagree with, so.

i don't know!!! i just think about it many different ways!! like in this post specifically i chose to see it under a different light than what i'm currently writing, and neither of those opinions cancel each other out; they can coexist!! that's the fun thing about fictional media interpretation!! it's also why we have devices like fanfiction and fanart and meta!! the fact that something played out in a specific way on screen doesn't mean it's set in stone as something good or bad, there are always shades of grey.

[powertaco]

How do you write so much? I'm like struggling man. My brain is just like...do the thing. What is your secret? What mines do you pick at to unveil the whiterose?

Howdy, and thanks for the ask. It's late so I'm probably gonna ramble. I promise to try and address the question at some point lol.

----------------------------------------

So when I first started it took me months to write and try to perfect a single one shot. (One Good Turn/Maiden crack outtakes) (This was back in September of like 2021)

My next story after that (Pizza Au) it would take weeks to even a month between chapters.

I would get horrible anxiety (being a perfectionist is hell). Sometimes there would be days I would just not write. I couldn't handle it. I'd play wow, or just do anything else. Anything to NOT BE writing.

What didn't do was stop thinking of ideas. Even if I didn't write for the story I had a little notepad with ideas I would scribble on them. This didn't bother me because it was something that only I saw and it was quick notes. If they weren't perfect it didn't matter because, well I took 5 seconds to write them so who was gonna judge me on that?

My brain could process and handle that sort of thing.

The truth is writing, and telling stories has been one of those things I've always wanted to do, and over time I've built up a habit of writing, and making sure to take breaks on certain days, or if I'm just not in the mood. I would love to eventually write an actual fantasy book some day, but for now I write fan-fiction as practice.

The mindset I helped by realizing I wasn't really getting paid to write so if people didn't like it? Well I mean who cared? Yeah my screen name is out there, and yeah I get plenty of people who don't like it, or send me some 'interestingly' worded reviews.

As for what gets me into the headspace for goobers? The easiest thing is to think of some media you like, and are passionate about.

What book, game, tv show, movie, etc do you really like? Now since most of the story is already done for you. How can you insert two characters into it to make it your desired pairing.

This helps because you're already very passionate about it, and when you're passionate it makes it easier for words to flow onto the page.

For example, if you're doing a WR legend of Zelda Au, and you know everything about Zelda then it's easy for you to just get really into it, and before you know it you have a 10k first chapter, and you're wondering how it got there.

You're just like wow Weiss would be a great Midna, and Ruby a wonderful Link, and bam you're good to go. (Although you might change the ending a wee bit for more fluff but hey)

At first this might take some time to think on, but eventually if you do it enough you'll get the brainrot and every bit of media you consume you'll be like 'i can totally think of a X au for this.

It might also help to find a genre you find more easy to relate to, to start with.

If you like humor, then make a funny little one shot. If you like coffee shop au's? Well loads of people do.

If you're stuck at the end of a sentence? Delete the sentence you just wrote and try again.

If the word isn't coming to you, and you need a break? Take one. Sometimes I write a few sentences then watch a youtube video, then get back to writing.

Just to give my brain some time to think in the background.

I would also advise that once you do a few stories in a genre you're familiar with try a few in different ones.

This helps you not get pigeon holed and stuck in a rut down the line, and gets you to think about them differently and explore different facets of your characters.

Do some comedy, crack, and then do an angst, follow that up with video game au, and then romance, etc.

----------------------------

Some early habits you can do are just set aside a set amount of time to try and write a day. Maybe even 30 minutes.

If you can't think of a story think of what you do know and make it all nice and written out for future you.

Like 'oh coffee shop au' Ruby is the barrista summer is alive in this au, and she's in college etc. Do it for characters you think will be important to the story, and even a background character you want to make an appearance. You're not writing the story, not really, but you are doing work that can help give your characters life, and a background/voice when you do write it.

All told I was in the same boat as you being told 'just write' and I would clam up.

You might try just writing random details for your au or something similar.

You can get prompt ideas from other people if you can't think of anything. You can bounce an idea back and forth on discord with a friend! Heck read a few books to get potential ideas!

You can and will make mistakes. It's inevitable. A sneaky comma you forgot, a word in the wrong tense, but you know what I learned?

Doesn't matter. The fact that you're writing and creating far outweighs any of that.

You don't even have to post or show it to anyone. I have a stack of notebooks with tons of notes in them (google docs is pretty easy to use too if you don't like writing in a notebook).

As trite as it might seem, as many times as it has been said really the secret is just writing.

One thing I will say is 'comparison is the thief of joy'. Do not compare your starting works, or even any of your work to someone else.

If you compare your writing to someone who's been writing for a lot longer then I mean /shrug.

If you do post on ao3 or another site my advice is to not look at stats at all.

What does it matter if your fic gets only 50 hits and 3 comments? Those are 3 people who looked at your story and loved it enough to say so, and 50 people who were drawn in to read it in the first place.

That's a loooot of people. Just write for fun, and not to look at the stats.

This one is more on me, but once a story has been finished? Don't go back and rewrite it to fix or update all the errors. They make valuable time capsules of your skill progression.

If all your work looks like your current work then it seems like you're not improving. (In maidens I can see many errors, and while there's still errors in my latest story I can tell you there are less of them).

You will at random points get hit with 'oh wow I'm not improving at all. This is actually a false feeling brought on by you getting better and realizing all the errors that are there. It actually means you're doing much better than you thought.

This is from auriee on tumblr

So I guess to sum it up.

1-Try to establish a habit of at least attempting to write each day. I find myself craving to write most days but it was a buildup to get there.

2-Use media you're passionate about to start with to get you into the creation mindset, and just make small tweaks to it to make it easier at the start.

3-Don't worry about it being perfect, or your stats. Just write for you.

4-It's less talent and more hard repetitive work to get good at writing just like any other skill. You will have to put in a fair/large amount of time.

5-If you skip some days because you aren't feeling it then that's fine. Take the time you need but just make sure to get back to it.

Tiny Samus believes in you.

And so do my goobers!

For real though feel free to drop an ask on here or discord if you have any specific questions, or if I totally screwed it up. (Sorry it's late so my IQ is currently room temp.

[talldecafcappuccino]

Tag Nine People You Want To Get To Know Better

Thanks @notyourdaisybuchanan for the tag!

favorite color: Purple 💜

currently reading: I finished a book today! I read Every Summer After by Carley Fortune. It's her first novel and aside from one plot issue, I really enjoyed it! I've been describing it as a better version of People We Meet on Vacation. I'm also working on Her Body and Other Parties by Carmen Maria Machado and debating between starting How to Walk Away by Katherine Center or Us Against You by Fredrick Backman (which probably means I'll start neither lol I also just ordered two new books....so....yeah.)

last song: I don't know because I can't figure out how to check my Spotify for what music I was listening to earlier! Is this being old or just not knowing how technology works? Last *thing* I listened to was an old episode of Best Friends with Nicole Byers and Sasheer Zamata.

last series: I finished The Bear and I have one episode left of A League of Their Own

last movie: Last movie in theaters? Top Gun: Maverick. Last movie at home? Billboard Dad lmao

sweet/spicy/savory: Savory! Always savory! Although I just had ice cream...but savory still wins. Give me the olives and the cheese and the capers and the other pickled things (salt, just give me all the salt).

currently working on: I've been jotting down little bits and pieces of a couple ideas I've been sitting with for awhile. I think I'm going to start focusing on one of them...but I'm sort of worried that by focusing on it I'll lose all interest. Focus is a sneaky salty bitch 😫

tagging: whoever is reading this because it is very late and my brain isn't letting me think of people at the moment 😂

[dimonds456]

Totally random question, but I need to ask this to people and you seem very smart when it comes to these things and I want to ask: do you think people should consume media critically? Like, be aware of all its flaws?

Oh yeah, absolutely. I think you should definitely be aware of a story's flaws- both plotwise and thematically- so you can better enjoy the story and engage with it, but that's not to say that media should be only consumed critically. It's entertainment, and if it's bad, then there is still value in it from a purely escapist perspective. But, you should be aware of flaws to learn from and understand in order to really engage with it.

Let me explain. Spoilers for Doki Doki Literature Club and Bendy and the Ink Machine / Dark Revival. Also mentioned is HTTYD: RTTE, Twilight, HP, and Little Nightmares.

I believe that your first watch / playthrough / read of a story should 100% be to enjoy the story and characters, engaging with the worldbuilding and just letting it take you for a ride. Now, some stories will have foreshadowing you pick up on and can figure out, but some stories will be pretty unpredictable going into them, but either way, you're letting a story tell itself.

For example, Doki Doki Literature Club (2017) is a dating sim horror game. For the first hour or so, you might forget the "disturbing imagery" warning at the front of the game, but the further you go on Sayori's path, the more you realize she's been struggling. Depression hits her hard, and she's barely holding on. As the Player, most felt bad for her and wanted to help her in some way, but it was already too late.

By the time you find out what happened, Sayori is dead. For both spoiler purposes and to make sure people who don't know this game and don't want to know what happened to her, I'm not going to say how she dies.

But, the game resets, this time without her in it. She's the heart of the group, and without her, things go to shit, even if the other Club members don't realize something is missing. There's an argument in both timelines, an argument Sayori is able to resolve peacefully in her timeline, but one that tears a deep gash in Yuri and Natsuki's relationship without her. This moment really hits if you engage with the story.

At the end of the game, which I won't say here (again, go play it and engage with the story yourself), you're left to make a pretty massive decision, which you could only figure out that that's what you need to do because of the game's meta look at itself by this point.

When I was first watching a playthrough of the game (I think through Jacksepticeye) I remember it helped me a lot since I was struggling just like Sayori was, and it turned me off from doing harm to myself for a long time. And understanding why goes into thinking about it critically.

Sayori's depression was almost word for word what mine was back when I first heard her talk about it. So, when she [REDACTED], it genuinely scared me. That could be me, I thought. It made me sure that I didn't want to go down the same path, and even helped me talk about my depression a bit more than I had been up to that point.

Does the game have flaws? Hell yes. A lot of the conversations go on a little long (but it's a dating sim, you signed up for dialogue lol), sometimes the scary bits can feel a bit out of place, there's a couple lines of dialogue that feel a bit off, ect.

However, I love DDLC despite its flaws simply because I love the story, it helped me, and it's just a good story with a powerful message. Critically, there are a few flaws, which I take in stride when I replay the game, but it doesn't hurt my experience.

On the opposite side of the spectrum, we have Bendy and the Ink Machine (2017). I remember being absolutely obsessed with Bendy, but looking back, the game is (subjectively) Not Good. So, why did I love it so much?

Well, for starters, the game released in 5 chapters from early 2017 to late 2018. This gave the fandom huge lengths of time to theorize, to fall in love with the characters, and engage with each other. By the time Chapter 2 came out, people already had an idea of what the story was going to be in its entirety because they filled in the blanks. And, we were half right, half wrong throughout the game, because the creators started centering plot points around things the fandom came up with rather than what they themselves came up with.

The primary example is Alice Angel from Chapter 3. In Chapter 2, all there was was one voice log explaining that there was a voice actress who liked playing the role, and a singular poster in which she starred in a short called "Sent from Above." That was it. But, the fans had her design, and without any knowledge of the character herself, suddenly there was fanart, shipping, character dynamics, and emotional attachment. So, the devs behind the game went and made her the focus of Chapter 3 simply because they thought that that's what the fandom wanted.

That was why I loved the game so much. It wasn't the game I loved, but the fandom and the fan stories created about the game.

However, I still have a soft spot for BATIM. I was hyperfixated on it for two whole years, and even had a fan story of my own called Demons Inside, which is still one of my better stories even if there are a lot of major flaws. And, despite how all over the place the game turned out, I still love it.

That's why, back in February, I got the idea to make a BATIM Rewritten video. I'd do something similar to what The Closer Look did for the Star Wars sequels and make a video explaining what went wrong, only to propose my own story and how they should have handled it.

However, that never came to pass. Bendy and the Dark Revival (2022) dropped not too long ago, and because the devs decided to release all the chapters at once instead of separately, there were no fandom points to go off of for this game. They had complete creative control, and used it well. When not doing what the fandom wants, these guys can create a genuinely good game. BATDR did a lot of what I wanted to do with the original, so making that Rewritten video is kinda a moot point now.

Back to BATIM, though, that game has a lot of flaws. Pacing, character inconsistency, introductions, set up, payoff, the whole thing. The voice acting, music, artwork, designs and stuff were all on-point, it was just mostly the story that was a mess lol. But despite that, BATIM and its fandom are like comfort food to me. I still go back and listen to BATIM fan songs constantly, and rewatching old comic dubs is like stepping into an old house. I still like BATIM, even if I constantly joke with my friends about how bad it is.

No piece of media will be perfect. You're allowed to like the Star Wars prequels and sequels, even if I cannot join you on that opinion (I think, it's been a literal decade since I've seen the prequels). You're allowed to like Twilight so long as you recognize that every single relationship in that series is toxic and you should not idolize any of them.

H*rry P*tter is nostalgic to a lot of us and I know I still love it, even if I cannot enjoy it because of what the creator is doing. HP is an exception because J. K. R*wling is an awful human being.

Even my favorite video game ever, Undertale, has its flaws. Quite a few of them, actually. People have complained that the battles get repetitive and it's annoying that they appear suddenly, and you can't choose whether you want to engage with them or not. People have complained about some of the characters, that there's individual character arcs that are bad (most commonly criticized is Alphys' and I strongly disagree, and I will defend her place in this story with my entire online existence), and stuff along those lines.

But, when Undertale made me cry that hard, when it said so many things I needed to hear, when it made me fall in love with so many of its characters, when it made me completely change my ENTIRE worldview... what else was I supposed to do but enjoy it?

Not to say that to enjoy a story, it must impact you, no. You can enjoy any piece of media without it impacting you. But, you should be able to connect with the characters, world, and story no matter what, despite its flaws. The mark of an enjoyable story is one that does that with you specifically. Now whether that's because you're crying or laughing at it is still up to you, but entertainment value ≠ objectively good.

You should be aware of flaws. You should be able to say "yeah they should have introduced Viggo Grimborne much earlier in Race to the Edge than they did, since he would be a much more looming threat" while still being able to enjoy Dragons: Race to the Edge. Recognizing flaws in a piece of media is pretty key to really connecting with it from an analytic standpoint, which I recommend doing with any story to really see how it works as a story.

But you don't have to.

Entertainment is escapism. You should watch or engage with it to let go of reality for a little while. I recommend being aware of flaws so you can learn from them and talk about the story to other people, but you don't have to do that. I've played Little Nightmares... never, but I've watched a bunch of playthroughs and it's a great game. I'm sure it has flaws, but I can't think of any off the top of my head. It's a great game with a lot of atmosphere, and it's told pretty much exclusively through worldbuilding, which is awesome, but I don't know everything there is to know and that's okay.

Enjoy a story however you want to. Everything has flaws, and although they should be taken into account, that doesn't define the experience.

[nightswithkookmin]

MONDAY, JANUARY 18TH: GOLDY'S LOG

I miss Suga. Scratch that. I miss Agust D. My spirit animal.

I've been thinking about him a lot lately, wondering if his injury isn't an exemption to military service. I wonder if he qualifies, in light of his injury, as an able body. I wonder what their law defines as able body.

I wonder if he passed the legal physical exam and health assessment test when he turned 19, since he's had that injury way before debut. Or if BTS have undergone that mandatory military service assessment since they are all past 19 and what their results are.

Jimin has chronic back pain too. That should qualify him for an exemption to military duty. He can still do desk work if it's that serious.

I should talk to ***** and look into South Korea's law on exemptions to military service.

Moon values the arts and culture industry. There's already been an extension for conscription for the benefit of BTS. Their success and longevity in the spot light perhaps influenced this decision. Should BTS maintain this momentum, an exemption would be inevitable I feel.

I miss them. They've been gone for too long. I'm worried about the impact this is going to have on their popularity if they disconnect from fans for so long or be mechanical about the way they connect with their fans.

I hate the limited access to them. But Scarcity increases the value of a product and it's not surprising if this is the approach BigHit is adopting in the wake of the pandemic.

Limited access not only raises value, it creates demand. Bang PD is a bigbrain marketing genius- I hate it.

They are taking a huge risk with this new marketing strategy. Personally, I'd stick to what works but then I am no marketing guru. Just a consumer who likes to play it safe. I guess I won't be getting hired anytime soon. Fuck.

It's all very fascinating.

What's equally fascinating is the shippers out here on these streets. The Jokers.

I... they confuse the hell out of me sometimes.

How are they going to question my rationality when I talk about moments I feel Jikook are having issues in their relationship or had broken up etc but then have no problem with and even applaud that same rationality when I talk about moments that has led me to believe there is lack of depth in Tae Kook's dynamics or that they are not real by any standard or that another ship in BTS isn't real.

Do I have two minds? Or are they more inclined to be selective in their beliefs based on their biases towards Jikook and against other ships? It's weird.

By the same lens I define Jikook as real, I define Tae Kook or any other ship that includes JK and Jimin as not real. And by that same lens if I feel Jikook aren't together then I'm wrong and irrational?

It really confounds me.

Not sure if they expect me to apply double standards to Jikook in those instances.

I don't think there is right and wrong opinions or perspective when it comes to shipping, but I think if they are right about me being wrong about my perspective on Jikook then I must be wrong about my perspective on any other ship in BTS as well.

I can't be right about one and wrong about another. I'm either right about all or wrong about all.

I can't be 'right' about Tae Kook having 'issues' in their bond in such a way I think it often bars them from fully nurturing their bond and developing depth to it but then be 'wrong' about Jikook also having issues that mess with their bond from time to time when it's the same measurement I use in accessing the depth of bond of both ships.

I really don't understand their way of thinking.

What is right and what is wrong and who decides on that?

I think we ought to substitute right and wrong with 'believe and believable.' The approach to such discourse should be about what one is willing to believe or not believe about certain discussions: I believe this. I don't believe that. Because believes stem from our personal biases towards a subject.

And the people that come running to me with 'look, Jikook smiled at each other in On era so change your mind'

I would except I hear this debate all the time. I wonder if they realize they sound exactly like the Tuktukkers in my DMs trying to convince me Tae Kook is real.

'Look Tae sat on JK's laps! How can you say there is no depth to Tae kook' ' He squished JK's cheeks' 'Jk said he wants to ride with Tae, if there was no depth why did he say he wanted to ride with him'

I have a feeling Soft Koo is back. The days of Terminator JK might be over. Too bad, I liked terminator JK. He was a bad ass.

I like that he is experimenting with his looks. But I'm glad his Ravi-esque phase is over. I wonder who he is drawing inspiration from this time. He reminds me of Jimin though. There is something peaceful and serene about his looks.

Can't really tell much because Bighit is sitting on tons of footages. I think I need to send a truck to Bang PD HQ.

I don't like that Jimin posted a Vhopemin photo for Tae's birthday. It was cute and all but I don't like it. That shit felt passive aggressive as fuxk. Lmho. What, he didn't have a V or Vmin photo in his gallery? Sounds like someone didn't put much effort in their VMin agenda for this post.

I wonder if he will keep the same energy come JK's birthday. I mean both him and Tae didn't post for him💀

May be I'm reaching on this one. But a single post where V was not even the focus of the post... I think his birthday means a lot to him and he enjoys when people shower him with love and attention and I don't think his birthday is an exception.

And he kept reiterating after such said birthday how he recently discovered he loves to be loved and how he does most of the things he does in order to be loved by his fans, friends and family.

And it breaks my heart that, the headlines read BTS shower X, Y with love on his birthday but the two people close to him were missing from that list this time. The media talks about BTS posting for eachother as them showering eachother with love. Certainly they all know this.

And the fact Jin posted for Tae after Tae's birthday says a lot about Tae and JK. Tae had no intention of posting perhaps because he left JM a message on the packages. With Jin I feel he was overcompensating for not posting for him on his birthday...

JK gets a pass. If JM wasn't happy about him not posting for his birthday, he would have pulled a Jin.

Jimin talking about coming to the realization he loves to be loved makes me think JK withholding his affections openly made him come to the realization he loves to be loved. Just a hunch. And the only reason JK would withhold his affections is if Jimin himself estopps him. Those two give me headaches.

I think I got the closure I needed from this.

LESSON: dont get on JM's bad side and bloody post for his birthday 💀

Tae been releasing photos of Jimin and Jhope a lot lately. Not sure how that makes me feel either. I think it's beautiful. But when I think about all these beautiful photos he has of Jimin on his phone and how generous he is with them- I think they would have been more meaningful had he released it on JM's birthday. The snow photo he posted still sits in my Vmin heart somewhere.

I really don't like this not posting for each other's birthday business. It's 2021. They need to cut it out.

I feel JK set a bad precedent but personal happiness first so good for him.

This moment haunts me for some reason.

What was going through V's head. I want to know. RM looks done. Lol.

Jimin is really beautiful. I love his eyes when he smiles and the thing he does with his shoulders.

Some people complain I write a lot. Some say I don't write enough. Ayayayai!!!!!!

What to do.

I think I accidentally deleted a post.

I'm looking forward to JKK1. Stay Gold, Still with you, Your eyes tell... I hope he hasn't given his best away cos those were bops.

PJM1... oh God I'm nervous. I'm excited for it but nervous. I think Serendipity is a classic. The Christmas song was equally great and frankly the only good Christmas Ive heard so far and I don't even like Christmas- nothing against Baby Jesus I just think it sucks. That bridge in Dis-ease is something.

I want to read his thoughts. His spotify playlist is insightful but I want to confirm if he really sees himself as a mess who is always causing his lover grief.

I mean he did say he has realized he needs to be considerate towards those that love him. Not sure yet the connection there.

I want to read his thoughts.

PJM1....

I love JHOPE. I think his ship with Jimin is beautiful and healing. They make my insides warm. Not sure if their shippers think they are real. Do they? That would be awkward.

I think RM and Jimin need to spend time together... it would be good for them.

Jimin and Sungwoon shippers are alleging Jimin has been staying with Sungwoon all this while. LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL

But the bit about him living with Sungwoon before the start of Bon V 4 has me🤔

Around that period, I don't believe JM was at the dorms and Jikook were not together then too. He must have been staying somewhere...

I'll let them have that.

But around November 2019 when he was having issues with JK he was staying with Tae too so no I don't think that means Sungwoon is queer or that Jimin is sleeping with him💀

They need to get out of their imaginations.

I think Jikook will drive me crazy one day.

I can feel my cranium swelling.

JiRose shippers need to pack it up. They really think Jimin is straight? 💀

It's the bad editing for me.

That doesn't look like a straight face to me. Unless his butt was on fire and he was uncomfortable looking at that black interviewer, I think that's his flirting face.

Lately I've been thinking about what ifs.

What if Jikook is not real?

I wish I believed that.

[agentunwin]

CAN’T BE FRIENDS [S.M.]

A/N: This is a standalone imagine!! So please don’t ask for a part 2 lol

Prompt: Shawn sees his ex for the first time in months under unusual circumstances and the true effects of their breakup are revealed, but both know that there’s nothing that can be done. [Based on Can’t Be Friends - Trey Songz.]

Warnings: Just angst and cursing.

Words: 2,222

-

The shell of Shawn Mendes walked aimlessly around the crowded room that was filled to the brim with sweaty adults, the stench in the air confirming this. He'd been stumbling around for around 10 minutes now, just looking for something to do, or something more to drink, even though the cup he was holding was still nearly full.

"Shawn! Get your ass over here!"

He wasn't sure who's voice it was, but in the state he was in, he couldn't care less. So, he began stumbling back towards where he believed the voice to be coming from. It took him less than a few seconds to spot a few of his friends and a group of strangers around a table, a girl laying half-naked on top of the plastic surface, giggling at something her friend had just said.

"What's going on here?" Shawn slurred, running a hand through his messy curls.

"Body shots," One of his friends responded, holding up a bottle of tequila and a can of whipped cream. "You in?"

Shawn looked down at the girl who was still laying down. She wasn't attractive to him in the least bit, but that night he'd accept any chance he could to get more fucked up.

Shawn took the initiative and began squirting the whipped cream over parts of her body, starting at her panty line. He then moved upwards, squirting a line up her stomach and through the valley of her breasts. And finally, he put some in her mouth to seal the deal. While he was doing this, his friends helped him, setting up 2 shot glasses in the middle of the whipped cream.

Shawn barely noticed the encouraging shouts and whoops around him as he dug in with no hesitation. His tongue worked quickly, licking along the top of her underwear to clear the cream there, grabbing the shot glass that was placed there. Swiftly swallowing it down, he coughed and moved on to her stomach.

He felt eyes on him from all directions, and if he was at all worried about the media rumors that would transpire the following morning, it seemed that they had all flown out the window.

Shawn's body is running on autopilot and when he's finally coming back to reality he's throwing back another shot, the bitterness stinging his throat in the most delicious way. Now, all there was was the kiss.

It was sloppy, disgusting, and vile, however everyone around them continued to cheer him on as he made out with the woman below him, eating the whipped cream. She seemed more than content with what was happening, but he hated every second of it. It wasn't enough- It wasn't her.

Everyone in the room witnessed Shawn's face pale right before he was disconnecting from the girl and running off to the bathroom, slamming the door behind him and scrambling to the bathtub. His body went completely numb as his eyes shut tightly and he was heaving, throwing up everything he'd consumed in the short time he'd been at the party.

He didn't even notice the tears staining his cheeks until he finally allowed himself to sit up, confirming that there was nothing left to throw up. He felt disgusting and pathetic knowing that he'd just thrown up in his friend's bathtub, but now, there was nothing he could do about it.

Shawn's eyes were shut for a long time- As far as he could tell- before he was awoken by the sound of the creaky bathroom door. Normally the man would hop up and yell at whoever had disrupted his privacy, but at that time, he was far too spent.

Gentle footsteps intrigued him and when they stopped in front of him, he felt a presence in front of him- A familiar, comforting one. The same one that had broken his soul just the same as he did for her.

Y/N.

He didn't have to open his eyes to know this. Instead, a small smile grazed his chapped lips at the same time a water bottle was held to them, another soft hand gently lifting his chin up. Shawn gladly accepted the help and gulped down the water, the liquid helping to soothe his burning throat.

"How'd you know I was sick?" Shawn inquired as he heard the bottle's top being twisted back on, followed by some other rustling and running water. A few seconds later a cold rag was placed on his forehead, relieving his headache and sweating.

And for the first time in months, he heard her voice- Her melodic, beautiful, voice. "Nice to see you too, stranger."

She hadn't changed from her sarcastic ways one bit.  At this, Shawn let out a pained chuckle and shook his head, his mouth spewing words before he could comprehend them. "God, I love you."

Even though he still couldn't see her, he knows she hesitated. Her hands reached down to grab his and held them to the rag, beckoning for him to support the rag himself. Of course, Shawn's mind merely lingered on the feeling of her skin against his.

"Don't tell me you've been doing this a lot?" Y/N spoke with a sigh. She lifted herself up to the counter and sat atop it, leaning down on her elbows.

Shawn sniffed and shrugged, a hopeless look on his face. "Do you want the truth or are you just like everyone else?"

When she didn't answer for a solid 10 seconds, Shawn got visibly worried, and for the first time since she'd entered the room, he willed himself to split his eyes open. The sight shattered him.

He knew this look all too well- It was the look Y/N would give him when he could tell that she was miserable inside but was trying to appear strong for Shawn. That look haunted him every time he left for tour, it persisted after every make-up they'd had, and it was especially prominent on their final night together 5 months ago.

She wore too-tight black clothing and messy makeup that wasn't her at all, but both of them were trying out new things after their breakup, it seemed. Partying was obviously Shawn's new vice.

"That's not fair, Shawn." She whispered and stared at her lap, voice hoarse now as her nose stung with the promise of tears. "You know I always listened to you."

Shawn bit his lip and gulped, silently hoping she'd look him in the eye again. He was finding it hard to tell her how he truly felt even if he knew that she would never judge him, and that she'd always be there for him, no matter what. Maybe that's why he was struggling so much.

"I've been partying so much, Y/N." Shawn speaks out against the silence, "It helps me forget. And I know you understand, since you're here too."

Y/N remained silent once again and began to twiddle her feet around- A nervous habit of hers. This simple gesture was one that he'd missed dearly. He then realized, after seeing her out of the blue like this, that he wasn't as ready as he'd once told himself he was.

"You looked like you were enjoying yourself." Y/N shrugged, biting her lip insecurely. Shawn raised his eyebrow in confusion and she continued on to elaborate, "The body shots? Kissing that girl?"

Shawn chuckled bitterly and shook his head, hurt that she believed he could enjoy another girl as much as he did her. "If I enjoyed it so much, I wouldn't be in here throwing up my guts, would I?"

Once again, silence coveted them. But that time, it wasn't awkward. It was comfortable, and without words spoken, both of them felt the words the other was dying to say. The words that they'd both considered texting the other on their late and drunken nights, but never actually had the courage to admit. Until now.

"I miss you."

Shawn's words came out scratchy and broken, but comprehensible nonetheless. Y'N's lips pressed together tightly and she visibly hesitated once again before she hopped off the counter top and stalked towards him. She plopped down next to him lazily, and with a hard gulp, her head was gently rested on top of his shoulder.

She didn't reply to his words, but he knew she felt the same. It seemed as if the rest of their night was spent together in the dimly lit bathroom, silence separating them and comforting them all at once. At one point, Y/N's eyes began to grow heavy, and Shawn couldn't help but tear up at the sight of the girl falling asleep on his shoulder.

It was a scene he'd seen so much before- When she'd come home from work after a long day, when they were on an airplane and she needed rest, and even at parties she was anxious but found comfort in his presence. The reminiscence was making him miserable, and suddenly, everything was far too overwhelming.

She snapped back to reality solely because of his sobbing. It was ugly and real, and it broke her heart because she knew exactly what he was feeling. Slowly sitting up, Y/N's eyes flickered up to stare at him, tears streaking his face and lips bitten in attempt to silence his cries- To no avail.

He could feel her eyes on him, burning into him, and he couldn't stop the flow of words that spilled from his lips. "If I knew we would end up like this, I would have never kissed you that night, I would've never dated you because now everything's fucked up and I just want you back- Not even romantically. I lost my best friend and the love of my life because I was a fucking dumbass. I miss your smile and your kindness and your talent and your grace, god, it's all my fault, and now I'm going out of my fucking mind."

Y/N's own tears were beginning to form and she crossed her legs, lips quivering as she whispered, "It's not all your fault, Shawn. We both had our issues. But that doesn't mean this has to end forever.. Maybe we can still be friends."

It was stupid of her to suggest, and they both knew it.

Shawn's teeth grit harshly as he laughed bitterly through his tears, staring off into nothing. "There's no way in hell we could ever be friends again after what we've done. We can't take it back, Y/N."

His eyes shot back to hers as soon as he heard a single semblance of a cry, and when he saw her tears, he was there. He pulled her into his arms and held her tight, both of them comforting one another, even though they were the reason for each other's pain. Her fingers wove themselves deep into his shirt as she cried loudly into his chest, Shawn's own tears dripping down his cheeks and into her mess of hair.

"It's not fair," She screamed, the viciousness behind her words muffled by the fabric. "I'm in love with you, so why can't we just be together? Why does nothing ever work out?"

They were questions that Shawn had asked himself every single night. When he first asked out his best friend, everything seemed perfect on paper. However, between the margins, constant fighting and disagreements occurred. Their entire dynamic changed and they had fallen in love too quickly, digging themselves a hole that they couldn't get out of.

Now, both were left void and filled with regret.

Shawn gulped loudly and pulled her away from him, as much as he hated to do so. Her desperate eyes searched his but only found the same sadness, knowing that there was no way to fix this.

"I think it's time for us to let go."

His words struck a cord in both of them, being the closure that both had craved for months now.

"I want you to live your life," Shawn sniffed, attempting a grin, "I want you to find love with someone who can do it all for you. I want you to be happy, even if it's not because of me. Please, don't make this harder than it has to be."

Y/N's throat burned and she wiped her tears, nodding gently. "I want the same for you, Shawn."

Shawn giggled at her- She was never great with words. He quickly shook this thought from his head, though.

"I guess this is goodbye." She bit her lip, a sad smile on her face as she stared at the man who'd done so much for her. She was trying to stay strong again, for his sake, he could tell.

"Not goodbye," Shawn shook his head, lacing his fingers with hers one last time. "That's too permanent. Let's just say.. See you later."

Y/N squeezed his fingers and nodded, "See you later."

They kept their hands together for a few more seconds and he was the one to finally go, releasing her from his grip, but certainly not his conscience.

As she exited the room with him shutting the door behind her, she ultimately walked out of his life forever, leaving him to slide his back down the door and bury his head in his knees, allowing himself to sob into himself.

And unbeknownst to him, Y/N was on the other side, a shattered mess just as much as he was.

Both loved each other too much, and that was exactly where their problem laid.