#i didn't feel bad per se but all my movements felt like I was doing them in slo-mo

[thistransient]

Khardungla Pass, 17982 ft / 5359 m

[thisisourlovestory]

Daylight

part 3- the chronicles of a stargirl and her sun masterlist

Luke Castellan x reader

Summary- Sometimes you’ve just gotta get up and watch the sun

Word count- 2.8k

Taglist:

@abbersreads @tenshis-cake @lol6sposts if you want to be added just let me know!!

“That the best you've got?” You laughed as you sidestepped the jab of a sword. “C’mon I know you can do so much better. What happened to best swordmaster in three hundred years?” You changed your voice slightly and grinned at the affronted look on Luke's face.

“I do not sound like that.”

“Yeah you do, don't lie to yourself meus sol. You have a baby voice and that's okay.” You twirled out of the way of another stab.

“But seriously you're going easy on me.” He opened his mouth but you continued without thinking. “And don't even try to say you aren’t because I’m actually breathing this time and not lying on the floor trying to get my heart rate down from a million beats a minute so I didn't die.” Luke grinned and lowered his sword.

“Now that was funny and you can't even deny it. You looked like a living, barely breathing tomato.” You glared at him, trying to hide the smile threatening to break out on your face.

“Of course you would take pleasure in my pain. Just like Annabeth you are.” Luke smiled and rolled his eyes.

“So dramatic stargirl. And if you really don't want me to go easy on you then who am I to deny your request.” His smile morphed into a full blown grin, mischief danced in his brown eyes and you immediately regretted your words but held your sword in front of you with one hand, waiting for him to make the first move.

He darted towards you, bringing his sword down as you raised your own up to meet him and they clashed with a loud clang. His eyes met your own as you twisted your wrist to fling his sword away from you. There was a sort of approval in them as he muttered quietly.

“Not bad stargirl. Not bad at all.” Then they were alight with determination as he swung his sword in a wide arc that had you springing back to avoid the sharp end sinking into the skin of your stomach. You retaliated quickly, thrusting your weapon forward only for him to block the blow and kick you back gently. You both continued like this for a while, trading blows one after the other. Strike, block, repeat. Beads of sweat were dripping down your face, pieces of hair coming loose from the plait you had tied it up in earlier sticking to your forehead and cheeks. You couldn't help the way your eyes strayed from Lukes movements to his face, idly taking in the way his eyes sparked with fire, his hair beginning to stick to his own forehead and the grin stretched across his lips as he said something that didn't quite reach your ears. And because you were distracted by looking at Luke, you didn't quite notice in time when his eyes lit with a quiet triumph and he lunged forward.

Pain shot through your arm and you dropped your sword in shock. You lifted your arm up only to see a river of red flowing down, pooling in your bent elbow and spilling over onto the sawdust. You winced as the cut throbbed, the ebb and flow of blood gathering at the surface of your skin and dripping down was quite disconcerting as you scrambled to understand what had actually happened. You blinked, feeling slightly nauseous at the sight of the blood, it wasn't that you were afraid of blood or anything per se, it was just the sheer amount that could come out of your body from the slightest cut that had you feeling sick. You swayed ever so slightly on the spot and suddenly Luke was beside you, wrapping an arm around you and leading you over to take a seat on the steps. You vaguely heard him say something about going to get some bandages but your mind was elsewhere, focused on the pain in your arm.

You felt warm hands on either side of your face, a voice, fuzzy in the darkness of your mind.

“Girl- star- stargirl,” The voice insisted, “Stargirl look at me. Y/N look at me.” You snapped out of it at the use of your name, your eyes finding Lukes immediately. His eyes were filled with worry and regret and something else that you can't quite put your finger on. “Hey, hey, you good?” He asked, keeping his gaze locked on yours as you nodded wordlessly in affirmation. “I need to wrap your arm up okay.” You held your arm out in front of you and he inhaled quickly at the sight before shaking it off and bringing out a wipe. “This might sting.” He warned as he started to clean the blood off your arm, eventually he dragged it over the cut and you hissed quietly at the burning sensation. As soon as the blood was cleared from the cut more started to well up and Luke cursed under his breath. He reached for a roll of gauze and began to wrap it around your forearm, it immediately stained red and he continued to wrap it until the red was covered and all you could see was the plain white of the bandage against your arm.

“I'm sorry,” Luke mumbled, his fingers tracing over the line where you knew his blade sank into your skin as if it were butter, “I'm so sorry stargirl, I didn't,” He sighed deeply, raising a hand to push his hair out of his face, “I'm sorry.” He finished lamely, sitting on his heels in front of you.

“S’alright meus sol.” You managed a smile. “It was an accident.” He shook his head.

“Doesn't matter, I still hurt you even if I didn't mean to and I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. Please forgive me, I swear to you that I didn't mean for it to happen and-” You cut him off abruptly, leaning forward to grab his hands and twine your fingers with his own.

“You didn't do it on purpose meus sol.” You whispered forcefully. “I'm fine, it was just a small cut and I'll be right as rain in a few days.” You smiled lightly. “You don't need to ask for forgiveness. You have it, always.” Luke looked up at you, his eyes dark.

“But I-”

“Stop being a drama queen Luke, I'm not going to die from a cut made in training. Although I'm not opposed to making you grovel a bit for forgiveness.” You mused, a grin spreading across your lips. “Wait actually if there's ever a next time you have to give up all your strawberry pie to me for a month.”

“A month!” He exclaimed. “No way. I am not giving up that pie to you for a full bloody month.” You pouted slightly, allowing your bottom lip to tremble a bit and your eyes to gloss over with tears.

“But meus sol-” Those three words combined with the look you gave him were all it took for him to fold.

“Okay, you can have my strawberry pie. You can have as much as you want just please don't hate me.” You beamed and threw yourself into him, hugging him tightly.

“Could never hate you meus sol. You're my best friend.” Luke let out a shuddering breath and hugged you tighter, his voice muffled as he spoke into your hair.

“Yeah, you're mine as well stargirl.” You hummed happily, inhaling deeply, the calming scent of what was just utterly Luke washed over you as he moved you both to sit down on the stone steps. He shifted you around in his arms so your head was tilted back onto his shoulder, your legs thrown over his own and his left hand still entwined with yours so you were both comfortably entangled in a jumble of limbs. It was silent for a moment as you sat peacefully, his right hand twisting the loose strands of your hair around his index finger and you tracing circles on his arm. Luke broke the silence first.

“Why do you call me meus sol?” You smiled slightly at the question, your eyes misting over at the memory.

You were dreaming, finally drifting through the realm of Morpheus like a feather on the wind. You settled down on an island filled with mythical creatures- pure white unicorns, golden dragons, grinning mermaids. The noise they made washed over you, screeches and neighs and hissing laughter suddenly interrupted by the whisper of your name, repeated insistently by a disembodied voice until the island faded and you woke up.

You blinked slowly awake as someone poked your cheek, repeatedly saying your name each time. You scrunched your nose and turned over in bed coming face to face with the grinning culprit who woke you up.

“Why?” You mumbled. “Just why?”

“I've got something to show you. So get up.” You turned back over and wrapped a blanket around yourself.

“Go away.” In response you immediately found yourself shivering as the warmth was ripped away from you.

“I’ll take you to pick strawberries later.” You shot up and rolled onto the floor with flailing arms and legs. You glared up at Luke from your new spot on the floor as he doubled over laughing quietly so he didn’t wake anyone else by accident.

“I’m sorry, you just- that.” You rolled your eyes and stood up, brushing dirt off your sleep shorts and tank top.

“Well what do you have to show me that you needed to wake me up at this ungodly hour?” Luke grinned and took your hand, dragging you out of the cabin and through the trees to the beach. He sat down on the cold sand at the shoreline, pulling you down next to him and pointed to the horizon.

“Just watch.” So you watched.

The sun rose slowly, casting a golden glow across the calm waves that sparkled like crystals in the light. Pink, purple, orange and yellow seemed to erupt from the sea, painting the deep blue of the sky in their bright colours as you watched transfixed by the patterns they seemed to form in the air. A small smile spread across your face as you leaned back on your arms, tilting your head up to look at Luke next to you. He was gazing out to sea, the sun hitting his face perfectly, lighting it up gold. He looked happy, free. All at once a surge of happiness hit you, you were happy at camp, you were happy with Annabeth and Luke and the chaos that occurred daily. More than that it made you happy. If you left it would be as if all the happiness was sucked out of your life. Luke turned his head and smiled at you.

“So what do you think?” He questioned softly. “Was it worth me waking you up at such an ungodly hour?” He raised his voice a pitch and you frowned.

“I don’t sound like that.” You protested, smacking him as he laughed.

“Sorry, sorry. But really, do you like it?” Your gaze softened as you looked out over the sea again, silver fish jumping out of the waves and hovering mid air for a second.

“Yeah, yeah I like it.”

“Cool, I hoped you would.” He coughed slightly. “Y’know I think you might be my best friend stargirl.” You hummed.

“Well that's a good thing because I think you might be mine Luke.”

“Can’t say I’ve ever had many friends before.” You shrugged.

“Ditto, the whole weirdo demigod thing always seems to scare people off.” He tilted his head back.

“Shame that.” You pushed his shoulder playfully, your breath catching slightly as he grinned back at you.

You gasped suddenly as a wave of cold sea water ran up your legs and you shuffled back on the sand.

“What stargirl, afraid of a little bit of water?” You gave him an incredulous look.

“No, it’s just cold.” He raised an eyebrow and reached out but you scooted further away shaking your head. “Nuh uh. No way are you making me go in there.”

“Who said I was gonna?” He asked innocently, tilting his head to the side like a puppy. You jumped to your feet and began to run up the beach. He caught up to you in seconds, wrapping his arms around your stomach and carrying your kicking form into the sea. You clung to him like a monkey, staring at him with pleading eyes before he dumped you into the water. You surfaced gasping, clothes stuck to your body and wet hair draped over your shoulders as you splashed water at him. Soon it was a full on battle, each of you drenching each other in water over and over again, ‘It doesn’t really matter if I get any wetter at this point’ you thought as you shrieked when he tacked you, pulling you both beneath the surface.

When you both finally dragged yourselves up the beach after the water fight you were breathless from laughter, salt sticking to your skin as it dried, white crystals appearing to light up under the warm rays of the sun. You collapsed onto the sand, the sun having heated it up slightly sending a tingle up your spine and you shivered as a sudden gust of wind swept across the beach. Luke immediately handed you his sweater and you pulled it on, muttering your thanks as you tugged it over your legs and hugged your knees. He sat next to you, shaking his head so that he sprayed shining droplets of water everywhere and dark, damp curls stuck to his forehead. In that moment he looked so…pretty, you supposed. Eyes crinkled as his smile widened, skin glowing gold as the sun shone down brighter on him making it seem as if he was the one radiating the light. And the longer you looked at him the more you realised just how easily he had managed to worm his way into your life, you had gone from strangers to best friends in just under a month, hell he’d given you a nickname the second time you spoke to each other, you hadn’t allowed anyone to give you one of those since- well since ever. His eyes locked on you as you leaned into him for warmth, his sweater engulfing your shivering form. He wound an arm around your shoulders and realised much the same as you just had. You had carved a little piece out of his heart and inserted yourself in its place; he wouldn’t have it any other way, you just got him like nobody else had. He often found himself looking for you across the archery fields, seeking you out when Annabeth jabbered on about some new fixation and mouthing for help as you laughed at him only to glare when he directed Annabeths attention towards you.

Your voice interrupted his thoughts.

“We should probably go back now, people will be waking up.” He nodded slowly, both of you stood up in sync and began to walk back up the sand dunes, his arm still slung over your shoulder. “That was fun, despite the wake up call you gave me. We should do it more often meus sol.”

He didn’t bat an eye at the name you gave him.

“How does once a month sound?” You grinned and held out your pinky finger.

“Deal.” He linked his pinky with yours and you shook on it.

You shrugged.

“It suits you.”

“Well what does it mean?” You broke out into peals of laughter. “We don’t all have professors for parents stargirl, excuse me for not knowing how to speak a different language.” You nudged him.

“I could teach you.”

“I doubt you’d be a very good teacher stargirl.” You gasped in mock outrage.

“I would be a fantastic teacher thank you very much, it’s you who would be the terrible student.” Luke raised an eyebrow.

“I’ve seen you trying to teach kids archery. It doesn’t end well.” You went silent for a second.

“You might have a point there.” Luke pinched your arm lightly.

“You’ve diverted from the subject. Why do you call me that?”

“Well why do you call me stargirl?” He froze for a moment and brushed a strand of hair from your face.

“Like I said, it suits you.”

“That’s not a proper answer meus sol.” You craned your neck to look up at him.

“Neither was yours.” You huffed and pushed yourself to a standing position, crossing your arms and looking down at him.

“Let’s just say that it’s my way of saying you’re my best friend.” He grinned.

“And I’ll say the same.” You shook your head.

“You’re ridiculous meus sol.” His grin widened at your words as he stood up and slung an arm over your shoulders, starting to lead you over to where Annabeth was waving madly at you both.

“But you love it stargirl.”

I don't wanna look at anything else now that I saw you (I can never look away) I don't wanna think of anything else now that I thought of you (Things will never be the same)

[castielspahdehrah]

Post-Therapy Vent

Keep reading or don't. Either is fine, but just know that my therapist gives y'all her seal of approval.

So, I told her about my experience w/coming back to Tumblr and how empty and meaningless it seemed.

First, she was proud of me for being vulnerable enough to take that step of even logging back in. She knows how isolated I've purposely kept myself for a long time now, so the fact I'm even back here and talking to people is a giant leap in the right direction.

Second, I told her what I write and why. Believe it or not, it's not just for the smut lol. The angst stuff I've written was me workin' through things, maybe not specific to my life, but workin' through general pain nonetheless. She said it beats her advising me to start a journal because she can see the value in writing fanfic and bringing about catharsis via fictional characters which is a safer, baby step towards IRL catharsis.

Like you guys have all said, she also hopes I keep my foot in the door, at the very least, because shutting this door and locking it back up now would only unravel the progress I'm making on my own, even without her help. She's told me before it's not so much that I need therapy, per se. I know very well where I stand and I know what's wrong and why it needs fixed. I just need a support system to keep going forward and she'll gladly be that for me.

Now, for the heavy.

When I first started seeing her, I told her I wanted to start fresh. I didn't want to tell her about my past history with therapy; the good, bad, or ugly, and I wanted her to give me her 2 cents after getting to know me. Now, without me ever saying a word, she knew I've already been or damn well should've been diagnosed w/C-PTSD.

She was absolutely correct on that one and I told her that I am ready and willing to do what's necessary to start working through it. She was surprised and impressed that I'm open to EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing) and/or DBT (Dialectal Behavioral Therapy). I do draw the line with Cognitive Behavioral Therapy and Group Therapy though. Even without giving my reasoning, she's not a fan of them either, but at this point I'm open to almost anything that will allow me to feel again, instead of shutting down like a damn robot. I don't even care that I could potentially feel 12-24 years of trauma all at once...at least I won't be both numb AND heavy at the same time.

Today, I felt comfortable enough to give her another breadcrumb...a diagnosis I was given at 16 yrs old and believed wholeheartedly that I had up until about 10 yrs ago. Like she said, it's like my symptoms had upended themselves and did a complete 180. Well, not only is that diagnosis "fluid" or "transitional" or can go into "remission" in a sense, it can also exist alongside a diagnosis that my surrogate sister thought I had. This is all to say that she agrees with me that a "re-diagnosis" is in order especially considering it's been 30 fuckin' years since the last one.

So, here's where we stand...

I'm gonna get referred to a psychologist for the "re-diagnosis" testing. In that same building, there should be a psychiatrist who can not only handle the C-PTSD therapy, but take over for my Primary Care Physician and put me on some meds that might actually help me.

Don't get me wrong, my PCP gets major points because he thought ahead enough to do a GeneSight test to see what medications I can metabolize and what ones I can't which is a damn sight better than anyone else has cared to do...however, he still didn't quite pick the right ones, as far as she's concerned.

In the meantime, she wants me to channel my inner nerd and really research my previous diagnoses compared to how I feel now. She's adamant (and correct) that nobody knows my body as well as I do and if I have a general direction to go in, the psychologist that "re-diagnoses" me won't waste anyone's time by looking in the wrong places first.

This is my healing era and it's been a VERY long time coming...but I had to be ready and willing to face it in order for it to do any good. The fact that I recognize this speaks volumes on how much I've already healed and just didn't realize it.

I'm no longer upset with myself for waiting this long to get back into therapy. I'm proud of myself for recognizing that it was finally time.

[izayoizuki]

Memories Follow You Around: A 4+1 Fic

Shellblossom (@wildbornsiren) requested Wildest Dreams by Taylor Swift with Rooster for my Sweet September Soiree (I am well aware we are now at the tail end of November <3), and her recent piece was so amazing it CPRed me into finishing this. I had replied to the ask and everything, but it disappeared?????????? so now I'm posting it like this. I hope you don't mind Shellblossom. I love you so much <3

Pairing: Rooster x wife!reader (no specified race/physical descriptors for Reader)

Warnings: Homesickness, allusions to: dying, smut, mentions of being shot down

Written on phone so no wordcount <3

1.

Rooster was being shot down. He'd been shot down before; it's not that he was a bad pilot per se, but even if he beat the statistics, it was bound to happen now and again. But this time was different. This was his first time being shot down as a married man. People said your whole life flashes before your eyes, and this may well be true, but for him it was one singular memory of you that's superimposed over a lifetime's worth of memories. You in your wedding dress, on the beach, both of you catching fire in the setting sun as he slips the ring over your finger. The way you looked at him, eyes full of joy and promise. He doesn't know what he looked like, but he's willing to bet that it's quite idiotic. And he knows as he recalls your face that he needs to get back to you, no matter what. It was his wedding vow to you, and he wrote it with the intention of keeping it or dying trying. Mav's voice comes over the comms: "Eject! Eject! EJECT!", each syllable more forceful than the last, and he flings himself into the sky.

2.

Rooster's in his bunk, staring, squinting, at where he knows your picture is stuck to the bedframe, even though the room is pitch dark and his vision is the same whether he keeps his eyes open or closed. The room is sweltering, the humidity an unwelcome roommate, just like the memories of every mission that has gone bad and come to torment him. He breathes in, deep, deep, even soupy air is air after all, and he lets it out, huffing and puffing his cheeks, and as he does, like muscle memory, it comes back to him, the way he'd blow, cheeks puffed theatrically, into your ear, as he came in behind you while you cooked. The way you stuck your tongue out to him after eating a popsicle, so that your berry tongue and lips matched the way the sun brought up the blood in your cheeks. You attempting to do a cartwheel on the beach in your wedding dress, late late late, after everyone else had gone home. You hadn't succeeded, but you'd been so cute he'd followed suit, and fallen as well, because he didn't want you to feel bad that he'd managed one. The way you'd puffed your cheeks and stuck out your tongue to him then too, and the bonfire had burnished you gold and copper and bronze, and his heart had never been as sure about making the right decision.

3.

He was standing in a bar, but he couldn't bring himself to be the life of the party. He could now see the appeal in the way Bob did things, quiet, distanced, observing yet still part of the group. His friends were all playing pool, and they were laughing, drinking, but he could see it in their movements too, because he knew where to look. They were tired, drawn. Their movements were just a hint more stiff, their faces pinched just a hint more tight, their laughter just a hint more forced. They all wanted to go home, to fall into someone's arms, to go to sleep, to rest, to recover, to recuperate, to see joy once again so that they knew that the sun did not rise every morning just for them to do something terrible once again. He felt a hand on his shoulder, heavy, comforting, and he knew who it was without looking up.

Mav quirked an eyebrow at him in question, and it came out, raw. "I miss my wife." He said, and it shocked him how vulnerable he sounded, how earnest, how easily it had tumbled out of him, and he wanted to snatch the words and stuff them back into his heart, as if he'd accidentally popped open his underwear bag at the TSA and now was frantically shoving everything back in. But Mav just gave his shoulder a tight squeeze and his temple a soft kiss.

4.

He remembered you in the shower. Of short summer nights and longer winter ones, of being tangled up in bedsheets and need and desperation and love, of being so intertwined that neither one of you knew where one ended and the other began. He could swear he ached with the need to touch you. He wanted to sew himself to you, feel your weight on him, anchor him; he wanted to climb into your skin somehow. He wanted to make it so every inch of him touched every inch of yours. He wanted you to understand him in that way that was uniquely yours. He let tears run down his face in the privacy of that shower. Tears of sheer aching, pining, yearning.

Once he stepped out, he knew what he'd do, and his body allowed him the barest of smiles as a reprieve.

5.

You would never get used to him. He would always be new, exciting, intimidating, wondrous, even though you knew his soul like he knew yours. You couldn't help it. He was so tall, and handsome as hell; he'd be bad and he'd do it so well. He got off the plane and walked to you like a tank, blinders on, unseeing of everything but you, and your heart kept stuttering to a stop as you waited for him to walk up. In the back of your mind you dimly wondered how you'd survive being reunited when the mere sight of him disembarking was killing you, but soon you didn't have to wonder any longer as he picked you up in his arms and poured his love onto you.

"You brought the Bronco?" He whisper-asked in your ear, and you gave thanks for whatever had guided you to taking your husband's car instead of yours. Your nod was a tiny movement but Rooster's grin against your ear was anything but.

"Let's get out of this town, out from the city, away from the crowd." You nodded immediately once again; you knew that not even heaven could still you from following this man wherever he went.

He took the keys from your pocket, sliding you in on the bench seat so you were snug next to him as he drove with one hand, the other slung over your shoulders, one hand laced with yours. He'd pull you in to kiss the top of your head, while you kissed any part of him you could reach while still keeping your head buried in the crook of his neck.

You only made two stops; one for gas and the other at a Target in the middle of nowhere. All he'd said was "Better stock up, sweetheart." But the way he'd said it made you shop like you'd never done before. You stocked up on everything from groceries, enough to keep you and your leviathan of a husband for at least a week, to clothes, buying him double the amount of t-shirts and henleys and hoodies and boxers and socks because you knew you'd be taking half of them anyway, getting him those flannel pyjamas he was partial to, and allowing yourself leggings and nothing else because you doubted that whatever activity Bradley had in mind involved very many clothes. There was a Starbucks adjoined to the Target that had served as brunch, and you'd been off again.

He drove you both up to an A-Frame in what you assumed were the Rockies. It was like a fairytale house in a fairytale place, and to complete the picture, your husband picked you up and carried you into the house like you were a fairytale princess, just like a fairytale prince. His face was soft, tender, full of love and adoration, and you knew without a shadow of doubt that your face mirrored his.

And so you stood inside the threshold, and showed your husband every ounce of love you had for him, because he was even better than your wildest dreams.

[iamfreelikeariver]

Ten Things I've Learned in Ten Runs

The past month of April has been the first time that I've exercised consistently in my adult life. My mental health was taking a hit due to my lack of movement, so I decided to make a change! This has been a massive learning experience for me, and I've only ran 10 times so far! Here's what I've learned :)

1. Progress is NOT Linear

Some days feel easier than others. Some days I don't feel like running. Some days I can run fast and some days I can't. That doesn't mean that something is wrong... it means I'm human.

2. Routine is Key

I run every Monday, Wednesday, and Friday. Even though I've only been running for a month (well... almost four weeks), my Mondays/Wednesdays/Fridays don't feel complete without a run! For me, I can't stick with sporadic exercise. My routine helps me stay consistent.

3. Running is Hard

Yep, you've heard it here folks. It makes me sore, and it makes my knees hurt a little. I can't run very fast or for a long time. For someone who's coming from zero exercise (me), it's going to be hard! Running is supposed to be hard! Don't get discouraged.

4. We All Need Help

It's normal to not know how to get started. I certainly didn't despite being a runner in middle/high school. I actually use an app on my phone. After searching the app store, I mostly found expensive subscription-locked apps like Couch to 5K. Finally, I found Just Run. It's a completely free, 9-week program that eases you into running. I really REALLY recommend it!

5. There are Benefits to Running

My whole life, I've heard about the benefits of running. Sure, I believed it, but I had never felt those benefits in real life. After 10 runs, I'm finally feeling it. I have more energy, and I generally feel better. I've dealt with chronic fatigue and chronic illness for a long time, but running has helped me feel a lot better!

6. Food Tastes Better?!

I'm a pasta lover. One of my recent hobbies has been experimenting with making different pasta sauces from scratch. Before I started running, the big pasta dinners wouldn't make me feel bad per se, but it felt very heavy on my stomach. With exercise, a heavy dinner fits a lot better in my stomach. After a run, my body really wants pasta, and the pasta tastes even better!

7. It's a Confidence Boost!

Before I started running, I was pretty down on my body. A lot of women (and/or AFAB people) experience a sort of "second puberty" in their twenties. This is often characterized as a change in hormones, weight gain, and other body changes due to high fertility (like widening hips). Now that I'm an adult, I have an adult woman's body! I didn't start running to lose weight, but that was one of my goals. After 10 runs, my body doesn't look any different, but I don't care about that anymore! Running has helped me love my body as it is. I see it in a new light, and I feel strong.

8. It's Nice to be Outside!

I run outside in my neighborhood. Gyms, tracks, and treadmills are not for me. Running outside has let me spend time in the sun. I've gotten to see lots of dogs, cats, and native birds. I know the details of my street and the houses on either side. I've waved to neighbors and had moments of solidarity with fellow runners. It's nice!

9. Running Time IS Me Time

I'm a very busy person. Between class, work, family responsibilities, having friends and a partner, and more, I don't have a lot of time for myself. I was worried that running would just add one more thing to my long To-Do list. However, running does not feel like work. It is as fulfilling as doing art or playing guitar. My runs are only 30 minutes so they fit perfectly into my day.

10. I Like Running

My whole life, I've always said "I hate running." I didn't think running was fun or helpful or good for my life. In just 10 runs, my mindset has changed. I like running now because it makes me feel good in so many aspects of my life! It's not for everyone, but it's for me as it turns out! I look forward to continuing this journey.

[d0llqueen]

Unprompted personal rant,

I hate rote memorization as a learning method

I'm 28 with a full time job but I still remember when in school I got to the point where I could no longer take the time to understand material because there was too much to stay caught up

If I understood a math formula and what it DID or the movements leading up to a historical event or how the parts of an orgainism worked together I didn't need to memorize much because I could always logic out the answer

Then I started falling behind because of how little time we had to get through a lot of material and it got to the point where cramming what I needed to pass what test came up in each class then move on & prep for the next one was the only way to survive.

Some kids had been doing this for years and I had to scramble to get into the habit but it kinda felt like giving up a bit

Anyway at my job now over a decade later I'm constantly called by my boss & peers to fix problems because I can come to solutions much faster.

Our computer system sucks and I probably have like 50 little rules now to know to make everything work.

When a new problem comes I'm usually the one to solve it because I read the prompts and interpret them with what I already know.

When a customer has a problem I understand the laws, our system, & our limits, so I usually find if not a solution an actionable task to move things along.

I'm CONSTANTLY explaining my actions & logic to my boss and peers. They are smart people! My bosses have done WAY more school than me & I'm not nearly qualified to do their job!

But sometimes I get frustrated because if they READ WHAT THE COMPUTER SCREEN IS SAYING AND COMPREHENDED IT THEY SHOULDN'T NEED ME TO DROP WHAT I'M DOING TO FIX IT

I'm pretty sure they're too stressed to listen when I walk them through it AGAIN or embarassed. I don't think they're not listening per se, but I suspect the only thing they try to retain is one of the special little rules and not the logic of "this says X, go to Y, then apply Z". Like, they half remember "apply Z". When it happens again all they remember is that they apply something but they have a bank of a dozen similar things and they can't recall what.

Like, asking for help is better than screwing someone over BUT COME ON

I remember one time that sticks out in college where we were going over a simple algebra problem & I was walking through it for someone who didn't get it.

Instead of listening to my explanation my classmate was trying to find what SHE did wrong. This isn't nessecarily a bad method if it leads to understanding. It did not. It got to the point where I was about to explain how division worked because she just kept saying she didn't get it. I know she isn't dumb. I also know me continuing to explain & simplify wasn't going to get us anywhere.

I'm feeling a lot of the same frustration now. It's not enough for me to memorize the answer. Knowing the answer to me means understanding at least to some degree how we got there.

On a similar note when talking to customers, I hate using terms I KNOW a layperson wouldn't fully know. Understanding the concept & explaing it properly when speaking is part of professionalism imo. So often though my coworkers will say "just do X". Customer will respond "I already did Y". And coworker will just repeat "No, just do X" instead of attempting to actually communicate.

AAAAAAAAAARRRRRRGGGGGGGGHHHHH

This does not save time! You save so much time by being concise! You can only MAKE your phrasing concise IF YOU UNDERSTAND WHAT BOTH PARTIES ARE TRYING TO COMMUNICATE

WHICH REQUIRES CRITICAL THINKING AND PRACTICAL APPLICATION OF KNOWLEDGE

[mywritingonlyfans]

Fluffly fic with Thomas (A bit smut at the end)

this short fic is about: you having a crush on Thomas and he matches. 

warnings: it’s a bit smut. fingering + female oral. fem!reader x thomas raggi

 Thomas kept his jaw set as he talked to his friends, in a way that you find quiet charming. He was the serious type, but in the best of ways. Anyone who didn't know him would think he was bored or indifferent to the conversation going on around him, something that in a short time you became aware that it was just him being himself.

 You love how his body seemed tense and at the same time so out of place.  His hair was cascading down his shoulders as his hands shook the beer bottle mysteriously. God certainly had his favourites, Thomas was a living proof of that.

“He fancies you too, you should have noticed that by now,” Victoria whispered, getting your attention back to her.

You were in the kitchen of his house with her.

Your back was against the wall, allowing you a perfect view of Thomas on the other room. He had decided to throw a party and as you were new to the group it was obvious that you’d be there with them.

“I don’t know,” you frowned, “I don’t think he does.”

 Thomas could have anyone he wanted, anyone in the room, no matter what room he was in.

 He indeed used to be touchy when it comes to you. You remember moments when he'd walk close to you, bumping his shoulder with yours, just for the hell of it or when he’d place his arm around your waist to introduce you to some of his friends, making you part of his chitchat. Over time, you realized this was his way of being friendly. Thomas was like that with everyone, you were no exception.

“Well, that’s not what Dami told me. He said he asked several times if you‘d come tonight and all of that,”

“Yeah?” Your voice was low, secretly afraid she might be poking fun at you. It wasn’t her type to do that, but when it comes to Thomas your head doesn’t work coherently.

 Your attention wandered from her, back to Thomas across the room. Just for you to notice that his eyes were already on you this time, he smirked, and then waved at you. 

Needless to say you became a self-consciousness clutter under his eyes.

You were about to answer him, even if it was with a small nod, but Victoria was quicker and while one of her shoulders nudged you; she signaled asking him to join you.

“That’s so cute, you’re literally weak at the knees,” Victoria took a sip of her beer, holding a sly smile on her face. “You two will be a lovely couple.” She concluded as nervousness took over your soul. 

You pressed your hands on your skirt, in a failed attempt to get rid of the sweating.

 Victoria was right, you were a bit shaken and you knew that your abrupt change in breathing next to your already hot cheeks could give you away. You had no idea why you were like that, things would be the same as before; he doesn't know how you feel about him.

You sighed heavily, giving Victoria a menacing look as you sat on the metal space of the sink. In your head, leaving Thomas's field of vision as he came to you would give you enough time to proceed what had just been said.

"Ayup girl!" He said happily, holding a toothy smile for you. "How're my favorite girls doin' tonight?" His arm went over to your shoulder and you hugged his waist sideways, in an almost involuntary act. You heard Victoria laugh, and then it hits you how strange it was that it became something normal in such a short time. Maybe it was meant to be, you wondered. 

"Ok, excuse me kids," Victoria blinked at you. "I'll be retiring, but don't have so much fun without me."

"Is that even possible?" Thomas asked, playing along with Vic's drunk words.

She was no longer in the kitchen and his hands were still on you, besides now he had turned so he was facing you. He placed a soft kiss on your cheek, getting so close that you couldn't even focus on your breathing anymore.

 He offered you his beer, which was half full and you drank it. Your mind wondered if he did this with other girls as well or if it was something exclusive that he only did with you, you wanted to be the only one.

"You seem a bit tense," His fingers enlaced a lock of your hair, putting it behind your ear. 

 His cheeks were slightly red from the heat, and so were his lips - probably from the pressure of the beer bottle against them -, his button-down shirt was more unbuttoned than usual, making it look like his necklaces was begging for your attention. It was clear that God was in a good mood and Thomas was his chosen one tonight. "Rumours has it -- that I make you nervous,"

There was no need to say it out loud. Dami had told Victoria, and it was logical that Victoria had also told Dami, then Dami told Thomas about you; in the same way Victoria told you about him. Thomas knew it was reciprocal.

“Rumours?” You mumbled. His face getting closer and closer to yours as his hands held the sides of your head; messing your hair a little. His face lit up in a naughty smile. “Is that what Dami said Victoria told him?”

“No matter who said it -- what matters is that I do it to you, right? Don’t I make you nervous?” He insisted as if he didn't know the answer. 

 At that moment the two of you were already a tangle. Your hand resting on his chest while your knees parted, giving more room to his weight.

You nodded. His eyes scanned your face for a moment and that was enough for your bodies to stick together, you could finally feel his lips on yours. He took his time caressing your nose with the tip of his one, running his fingers over your check. You were sure he could feel your body shiver under his touch as you melted in his tongue.

“Hey, Thomas,” you heard someone calling him. 

 The person was certainly drunk, which made you wonder whether Thomas was, too. He didn't taste like alcohol, but that could be the cigarette taste that has become prevalent for you.

 Could you be his drunk mistake? Would you be a one time thing? 

He broke the kiss, biting and pulling at your lower lip. You held a groan while he turned to the caller.

 You thought he would forget you there, but his hands went down to your hips and stayed there until his little conversation was over - his attention was still on you, fully on you. He squeezed your sides while you rested your head on his shoulder, watching him speak; specifically watching him because if someone asked you what they were talking about you wouldn’t know the answer to that.

“Do ya wanna go somewhere quieter?” He asked as soon as you were 'alone'. His lips now all over your neck and shoulder.

You wanted to, but the voices in your head screamed to be answered. Whould you really just be a one time thing for Thomas?

“We don't have to go, I don't mind spending my time here with you, bunny.”

You tilted your head to the side, holding his jaw in your hands to look at his face. “Actually, that whouldn’t be a bad thing.”

After your words, it was a matter of seconds before Thomas guided you through the house to his room. His silly smile remained on as he did his best to ignore everyone in his path.

You had never been in his room before but it was just as you imagined, there were some vinyls scattered on the floor along with some of his garments pieces, his guitar was on the bed, almost falling to the groud. His room was just as messy as him.

“If I knew I’d welcome you here, I’d have fix it a bit,” he murmured, placing the guitar in the corner of the room. He tries to arrange the blankets in the best way he could, and then sat on the end of the bed, gestuting for you to join him as well.

“I don't care much about the bed,” You whispered, realizing that it was really happening. You were with Thomas, in his room. You had just exchanged saliva with him a few minutes ago.

“So,” he sighed. “Are you sure about that?”

“About what?” You smirked. It was obvious that you knew what he was talking about.

“About what?” He repeated, throwing his body weight on the bed quite dramatically. “I don’t know, cute girl at a party, calling me to a quieter place,”

“Wait,” you leaned over him, awkwardly getting on top of him. “I didn’t ask you that,”

“Like you need to ask me to know that the answer would be yes.” His hand stopped over the hem of your skirt, making it possible to feel his fingertips on your thigh.

You came closer to him, feeling your breath blend with his warm one. You would be lying if you said you had never fantasized about that moment before. Taking a deep breath, you tickled his cheek with your nose as he pulled all your body into his. 

 It wouldn't hurt to let that happen and only worry about the other things on your head the next day, right?

 “Yeah, I’m sure about that,” You pressed your lips together. 

 His hands squeezed your waist, turning your body over so your back was now on the mattress.

“Arms up,” he said in between a sigh. 

You raised your arms, letting him remove your shirt. He had a comforting look on his features that soothed you.

He stood on the bed before stepping out of it. You laughed through your tension.

“What you’re doing?” You asked, leaning on your elbows. 

 He knelt on the floor at the end of the bed. You felt your body tense even more, your head full of thoughts per minutes. You did not remember the last time you had shaved, let alone if there were any marks on there too.

“I’m gonna take care of ya, bunny, “ He breathed and you could have sworn to feel him in you already. “Just relax,” his mouth trailed wet kisses down your things. He pulled your skirt up to your waist; in movements that seemed so perfect that could only have been calculated. Maybe he was a bit nervous, not as nervous as you, but a cool type of nervous. 

You nodded, looking at the ceiling, feeling as he pulled your knees towards him. You opened your thighs slowly and soon felt his lips on your clit through the cotton. He reached for your hand, intertwining your fingers in his. And God, he felt like heavens. 

“Don’t just nod at me. I want to hear you, lil’ bunny,” He rubbed the already wet fabric with his index finger.

You weren't sure what he was referring to, but seeing his face resting on the inside of your thigh, with his messy hair and eyes stuck on you; you know you would be able to do anything he wanted you to do.

“Yeah,” you agreed.

He put the cotton piece aside, diving himself in your nectar and slipping his fingers inside you. You closed your eyes, letting your head fall back at the feeling. He hummed in a smiled that sent you vibrations every once in a while, he clearly knew what he was doing. Soon, he shoved his tongue down your core, licking and sucking, gathering all your juice in his mouth. 

“So sweet,” he moaned at your taste, starting to lap his tongue at your clit. Joints deep down your pussy, going faster on you, making your legs quiver around his head as you turned into a whining mess.

“Thommie,” you grunted, tugging hard at his soft curls. “Oh, please.” you gasped through your dry throat.

 The combination of his tongue and fingers working on you made the butterflies in your stomach go wild and in between spasms and wriggling toes, you allowed yourself to surrender under his touch.

 Your vision blurred and your breathing ability seemed to have left your soul, but he kept with the wet kisses until you calmed down.

Your body was weak; that good weakness where you wished to stay quiet in the same comfy bliss forever.

“Are you good?” His voice made you open your eyes again. His chin was glistening and shirt folded up to the elbows. Such a sight for sore eyes.

“I’m fine, I’m pretty fine,” he laughed, helping you adjust your skirt.

“You’re pretty,” he said at your previous words, lying down and putting you on top of him.

Both of your faces were close - just as it had been all night. You could get used to it. Looking in his eyes, you wanted to ask if he would still think you were beautiful in the morning, when all the enthusiasm that parties bring to people were over; but you decided to go against it when you remembered that you had promised yourself to enjoy the moment.

“Whatcha thinkin’?” His asked, clasping his arms around. You felt nicely snugged.

“You,” it wasn't completely a lie.

His smile got bigger, and it was possible to analyze his cute crooked teeth. His eyes glued to you, sweet and happy, that you wished you could decipher him through it.

“Good, -- I like it like that,” He added.

It would be a matter of days for you to learn that his look was one of fondness and that you would live under it for months, seasons and even years.

[batwritings]

This is super late but we're gonna ignore that ahaha- Here ya go 👀 anon!! I hope this is good enough and I hope Bat approves of it too! :D I was a lil bored so I decided to try this out! ^^ And I hope all of you guys enjoy it too! Also this is male reader!

Most would find it an honor if they had the position you did. They'd be so delighted to work as one of the few royal servants of king Eret herself. Many looked up to this king, and while you didn't quite have much against her, you didn't willingly become a servant. It was actually more so of a punishment for being reckless and causing a bit of trouble in the village.

Because of this you weren't exactly happy when now you were forced to spend you days serving the king and taking care of the castle. So of course, you'd purposefully do things..not quite right. Of course when cleaning some plates and chalices, you wouldn't quite scrub too hard, leaving it so it's clean, but feels a tad bit greasy. When sweeping the floors, you'd always pretend you didn't notice the bits of dust that began to line up in the corners.

What you didn't know, was that Eret had been keeping..a close eye on you. Not at all in a bad way, but he would always notice how you'd fail to carry out tasks completely. And they knew it was on purpose with how much you'd be grinning to yourself, or just seeming to ignore the problem at hand. However Eret knew that he could ignore this problem, so one day when he calls you forward, all alone, no guards around, in his throne room, you feel as if you had a bit of an upper hand.

"I think we both know why you're here, so why don't you come clean? This is only you paying for your previous actions." Her condescending voice called out to you. You only glare at them. "Yeah yeah, whatever. Just tell me what 'your majesty' wants and I'll make sure not to do it." You coo back, obviously not taking the situation seriously as Eret sighed, now standing up. "Come here."

His voice sounded..a lot more stern now..you couldn't put your finger on it, however normally the king was known to always be much softer and have a kinder heart. This was different for you. "What? So I can shine your majesty's shoes because she can't do anything himself?" You snap back, then everything went quiet.. You didn't know how you got from point A to point B, but suddenly you felt two cold hands on you, one grabbing the back of your neck and the other on your hip. She had you bent over the throne and kept you there. You couldn't look at them, but you could practically feel the glare they kept on you. "Maybe instead..I should really teach you some proper etiquette."

Their hands trace along your body, making your squirm in her grip. But..their touch felt nice, gentle movements with just a hint of teasing.

"I bet someone is thinking so many naughty thoughts..such a lewd boy aren't you?" You quickly tried to deny it but was soon met with another slap against your rear, actually dragging a moan out of you. You were quick to cover your mouth, not daring to believe that a sound such as that came from you. Eret stayed silent until doing it again, gathering a similar reaction. "Oh? So you like it when I punish you, don't you?" She mumbles, tilting his head. "No! I don't like it you per-" that's all you could get out before he repeated the motion, seeing a mark begin to appear on your ass.

"My, my. I don't like liars, I think this calls for another punishment." He grabbed you, picking you up and now switching places. He was sitting on the throne as he had you on her lap. You couldn't help but shiver when you felt their hard on pressing against your stomach.

She now had one hand gripping onto your waist with the other tracing around the rim of your entrance, causing you to instinctively clench up around nothing.

After a few more teasing touches, they stick a single digit into you, causing you to wince a bit, biting down into your lip. This however, did not go unnoticed as Eret began to plant soft kisses along your head, giving you small bits of praise. She waited for a moment before then beginning to wiggle his finger around inside of you, even curling it up as it pressed against your walls, now causing a moan to slip out. You froze and tried to cover you mouth, but it was too late. You just blew your cover.

Eret forced a second finger inside of you, causing more lewd noises you didn't even know you could make to leak out, giving Eret the satisfaction of being able to listen to every single one of them. She would find your sensitive spots and abuse them, sucking against your neck while teasing along your prostrate.

This went on until she had three fingers, beginning to thrust them back and forth in a small frenzy while you cried out for them. "E-Eret..! Plea-se!" They'd only grin. "C'mon now, I know you can beg better than that."

"God, j-just please!! Your majesty..! Let me cum! P-Please! I'll be good f-or you..!" He hums in satisfaction, the pace of his fingers increasing while you clamped down on them. "That's better~"

With her skilled fingers, moving at certain paces, hitting up against spots that could make you see stars, you had already came, yet they didn't stop. Suddenly, pleas and begs began to spill from your lips, the king watching you break down and loose your sense of pride for this moment. It was beautiful to watch.

Watching you come undone for them so many times. You were beyond worn out by the time she had decided you had enough. But they weren't done. "Ah ah ah, I think you're forgetting something." They coo into your ear, their own erection now on full display. "Why don't you get on your knees..and show me how loyal you really are to your king?~" Who were you to deny them? After all, you just might get a reward if you follow directions~ 🌧

YA'LL! LOOK AT THIS LOVELY THING THIS LOVELY, AMAZING, TALENTED PERSON WROTE!!!!!! And to the person who requested this, I truly hope you enjoy it as much as I did! Well done again 🌧!!!

[kaysayshey]

going home || k. bakugou

contains: comfort with my favorite boom. intrusive thoughts, negative self-talk. mentions of medications.

recommended listening

nothing felt okay. this wasn't unusual, per se, however it didn't negate just how frustrating it was to have a whole day wasted by your own mind. relaying the same negative thoughts, over and over and over again.

you're never going to get better, the medications don't do shit, nothing will help, you're nothing, you're nothing, you're worthless-

"hey."

a weight pressed atop your shoulder. fluffy, ash blonde locks tickled at your ears. katsuki's eyes bored into yours, his reflection in the mirror stoic and concerned. warm hands gently placed against your waist, grounding you. settling you.

"what happened?"

you sighed as you gently washed the bubbling face mask from your skin, the low pops muted by the music playing from your phone. a shake of your head had him softly groaning in your ear, head burrowing further into your shoulder.

"you listen to this movement when you're sad, dummy. 'cuz of the oboes and stuff."

that almost brought a smile to your lips. bakugou katsuki recognizing your go-to 'bad day symphony' was something your friends still didn't believe.

"it's just, well..."

another groan, and his hands trailed from your sides to rest at the front of your stomach, thick fingers interlocking lazily.

"spit it out. i don't want to be stuck listening to dvorak all night," he teased, playful edge masking his worry.

"i'm so tired, boom. i'm sick of having to work so hard just to feel semi-okay. i don't want to feel like this anymore." the admission of your exhaustion, of how your mind was suffocating you, drowning you in a sea of its own making, brought tears to your eyes. wobbly lips tried to turn up into a soft curve, but the harder you tried, the more unnatural it felt.

the rise and fall of his chest soothed you, steadied you. and he said nothing when you turned into his body, pressing your face into his chest, desperately clinging to warmth and comfort only he could provide.

arms wrapped around you, rocked your body back and forth. a languid motion that moved in tempo with the rise and fall of the violins in the background. buried underneath his chin felt like home. like even after all of it, the constant battle in your head, you were returning from war and going home.

"i know," katsuki replied simply, hands stroking your back, gentleness that contradicted the explosive hero. a gentleness that was saved just for you. "i'm so proud of you, you know that? everything you do, every success you have, i'm so fuckin' proud. i'm always gonna be proud of you, baby."

his lips met your forehead with such tenderness that you could weep. you opted for nodding against him, relishing in such serene affection. his face moved to rest against the crown of your head, humming in unison with the familiar motif. rise and fall, up and down. over and over until the angry thoughts in your head subsided. until all you could hear was katsuki humming for you to come home to him.

a note from kay: hello, friends. i was struggling quite a bit today. if you find yourself with intrusive thoughts or days when merely existing is an insurmountable challenge, please know that you are not alone. i wish nothing but light and love to all of you. dvorak's 9th symphony is very special to me, and i felt that this particular performance conducted by the incredible gustavo dudamel was worth including.

[mrslittletall]

Stray Review:

My usual points, let's goooo!

Graphics

The game is beautiful to look at. There is so much atmosphere in the world. The whole setting seems to be 80ies cyberpunk and they nailed it with the neon signs. I always felt like I was in the middle of a cyberpunk setting. The companions, the robots, were still walking a bit like they were machines, nice detail. But the best was the titular stray.

That was a cat. It acted like a real cute, looked like one, it was modelled correctly down to the teeth. The idle animations, the jumping, the scratching, the way it acted in cutscenes. The devs apparently had real cats in the studio and it shows. This was a game for cat lovers made by cat lovers.

Sound

I was surprised by the music. I didn't expect much and then the game started to spoil my ears with really good cyberpunk themed music. Soft melodies or fast paced ones, horror ones, they all matched the atmosphere. And then the cat! They used a real animal as voice actor and it was so cute. All the little meows and the purring! I know them all of my own cat. I enjoyed pressing the meow button a lot, because the sound was so CUTE and because I played on PS5 the sound would come out of the controller ^^

The companions also make such cute noises. Their language sounds a bit like computer gibberish, but you can hear several tones in it, for example, when you run over pain that one of them cleans up, they are clearly upset and scream at you. It's adorable. The same happened when I jumped on a Mahjong table and sent the pieces flying everywhere.

Story

It is a story about a cat wanting to go home. How could that make an interesting and engaging story?

By making the cat the accidental hero of a bunch of robots who want to go outside. So, early in the game you get seperated from your colony and all you want to do is go home, but in order to do that, you meet up with a drone named B12 who has memory loss. And during B12 the story is told. It is a fascinating tale about humanity destroyed itself and how the companions, pretty much the descendants of humanity, are repeating their mistakes. That story is cyperpunk through and through or like Jackson Galaxy said it: "It's about a cat navigating Blade Runner."

I was surprised how engaged the story kept me. In each part of the game you meet a companion who acts as your main guide and they have so much personality and were really memorable. B12 also is with you all the time and while their twist was so foreshadowed that I found it on my own before the reveal, it was a good twist in my book.

The ending… just left me bawling. It was really sad. It isn't a bad ending per se, but it just pulled so much at my heartstrings that I cry again while I write this.The music playing during that part also might have had to do something with it…

Gameplay

This game is a puzzle game. It has a few action sequences, but 90 % of the time you solve puzzles. Puzzles can also be "How do I get there?" You can't jump freely, but the games prompts you when you can jump.That restricts your movement, but makes the game more accessible also. I just wish there would have been a mode for "free jumping", because I really wanted to explore the roofs on my own terms.

How do you solve puzzles? You are literally a cat. By doing cat stuff. Scratching, hiding in card board boxes, knocking off stuff. All stuff that you can do just for fun in the game is also used for puzzle solving. The cat feels a bit too intelligent for the stuff that it does, but well, it would have not worked otherwise. It is still a human player behind the controller who knows what they are doing.

I never found the puzzles too difficult. I had to think a few times, but could always solve them on my own without a guide.

I needed the guide for some of the collectibles though. They were really well hidden, especially the memories in Midtown.

Overall, the gameplay was enjoyable. I just didn't like the stealth sections, those were a bit annoying. The game is also rather short, but I think that was okay, it shouldn't overstay its welcome. Maybe if the developer makes a sequel, they can improve on some of the shortcomings, but I would be totally fine with the game being a one-off as well.

Atmosphere

Amazing. That was the best part of the game. You felt like a cat that was lost in a cyberpunk city. You could do so much cute stuff, the horror areas were unsettling and the companions reacting to the stray were so cute and adorable. There were also a bunch of funny achievements, but I didn't do them all, maybe in the future. Some of them seem pretty hard.

Overall, the game certainly was worth its money and the time I invested in it. I just had trouble with a certaing thing. The dying animation. I have a cat that looks exactly like the stray and every time I saw the little stray die, I felt like my heart would burst. If you have a pet of your own, seeing that, even fictional, really tugs at your heartstrings…

[verobatto]

Destiel Chronicles

Vol. XLIII

It was a love story from the very beginning.

Being Useful for You

(9x09)

Hello My Friends? Are you enjoying this hiatus and the Holidays???

Here I am with a new meta from this series, this time I'm gonna talk exclusively of episode 9x09 Holy Terror. The Destiel scene here is a classic one, full of flirtation, had been analyzed a hundred of times, so it will be a hundred and one! 🤣🤣

I want to say thank you to my friend @agusvedder she made all the gifs for this meta and discussed the episode with me, thank you my dear! 😍💕

Now, let's began.

Let it shine

When the episode starts... There's this faction of the angels coming into a bar for a fight with Malaqui's angels.

The nuns were singing...

♪ This little light of mine ♪

♪ I'm gonna let it shine ♪

♪ this little light of mine ♪

♪ I'm gonna let it shine ♪

♪ this little light of mine ♪

♪ I'm gonna let it shine ♪

♪ let it shine, let it shine, let it shine ♪

Which is a prelude to Castiel recovering his angel's powers.

But then, inside the bar... The rebels angels, anarchists, were listening this song...

you got a nasty disposition ♪

♪ no one really knows the reason why ♪

♪ you got a bad, bad reputation ♪

♪ gonna hang your head down and cry ♪

♪ you got bad, bad luck ♪

♪ bad, bad luck ♪

♪ you got bad, bad luck ♪

Again this is talking about Castiel, like that bad one between the angels. The one with the bad reputation.

And is not casualty Cas will take the grace from one of the rebels. Because his rebellious nature.

Flirting in front of Sam

When they arrived to the bar, Dean and Sam found Cas already investigating as an FBI agent.

And because Sam was ignoring the whole "Zeke" situation, he saw Cas working and it was fun for him, feeling all proud, he went with the river.

But Dean wasn't amused. He knew the whole angels want to kill Cas issue, so he knew Cas won't be safe.

But... There was a really blatant flirty situation between Human Cas and Dean.

Castiel was a little drunk, because it was his first time doing that, I think he repeated that like twice, and a very easy going fluidity of words and second meanings.

Let's see ...

CASTIEL: It is so good being together again. You know, this is my first beer as a human. I hope it's okay, me joining you?

SAM: Why wouldn't it be okay?

DEAN (looks alarmed at this turn of the conversation) You know, Cas, are you sure you're ready to jump back into all this? I mean, it seemed to me like you'd actually found some peace.

CASTIEL: Hey, you once told me that you don't choose what you do. It chooses you.

DEAN: Huh?

Dear is still his role model, and more now that he's a human.... But the flirtation starts with a suggestive movement coming from Castiel. He had lived a couple of flirty situations with Dean in episode 9x06, even if he's kind of innocent, he is not that innocent when is about seduction, as I said so many times, he knows about seduction, and maybe he could notice some of these in Dean when he came alone to see him in the Gas n sip. And then in the car. So he knows... Now there's not boundaries between them. They're both humans... So... A little of alcohol and he went for it...

Look at Castiel's eyes and head movement, he also caressed his bottle gently, with a seductive gaze, he know perfectly what he is doing.

SAM: All right, well, then, in that case, we have to figure out, uh, who are we up against, what do they want, and how do we stop them.

CASTIEL: Well, Bartholomew wants to reverse Metatron's spell. Presumably to – to retake Heaven once his following is large enough. (...)

Wow... Here. Castiel had lived the fact that Dean had been jealous about Nora, so, why not try jealousy again? Yeah, let's mention this reaper... So Dean picked up that ball quickly.

The reaper you banged well that was kind of hard, and not with a buddy face of approval there... He looks mad, and jealous. Yeah, the reaper you banged, is like a jilted Lover recriminating a betrayal to his lover.

And Cas responds... Yeah, and you stabbed.

And his face is like YEAH, YOU WAS JEALOUS.

We all know Dean killed her because he killed Cas. But the tone of the conversation takes another context because their faces. Is like they're playing there to change the cause of April's death. You stabbed her because I had sex with her and you was jealous of her.

Tasting very dangerous waters... Dean redirect the chat to how hot she was.

Dean is the one who replaces the gay tension, to the straight safe place. And Castiel follows him. Because he is not unaware of this. He knows exactly what Dean is trying to do. And when Castiel does that, Dean comes back again to openly flirt with him.

That's a very suggestive gaze, and line, and everything, he even smiled at him with the tongue between his teeth, looking adorable, he know he looks adorable doing that, and I'm pretty sure he uses to seduce. Even the touch in the shoulder, everything here is pure flirtation my friends... And Sam was there... Pure thrid wheel soul looking at them in awe, how they're doing that at sunlight.

Then he will try to be a good brother, and leave them alone, but my sweet Cas didn't pick up that intention... And he will offer himself to go for more beers.

SAM (smiling at the exchange)

All right. I'm gonna get us another round.

CASTIEL: Nah. I'll get it.

CASTIEL hops off his bar stool, then returns.

Mm. (swigging the last of his old beer, and setting the bottle on the table.)

You know, I've never done this before.

And that line again, he is too cute. But what Cas, you had never flirted so openly with Dean? 🤣🤣🤣

Cas' prayer

But not everything was fun, because we had right there our official cockblocker, Gadriel.

So, is goodbye again.

Castiel is by himself and he decided to give a try to the pray.

If you recall in episode 9x03 Castiel went to a Church and he found a woman that talked about what faith meant to humans. Well he tries to use some of that, trying to contact other angels to get some info about the case.

That scene of Castiel praying in different postures was delightful. Trying to use what he learned, being human again. He even asked to himself if he's doing it properly.

When he was captured by Malaqui, he uses his strategy again. Malaqui names him like THE GREAT CASTIEL, and he is indeed. His innate soldier flaws again, and he was able to steal grace and scape from their captures. Not just that, but he killed all the angels in that place.

Why he decided to take Theo's grace and came back to the game like an angel? Because he heard Ezequiel was dead. And again Sam and Dean were in danger. And he felt he wasn't useful in his shape as a human. He thought maybe Dean was trying to protect him because he thought he wasn't useful like that. So he wanted to be useful.

I did what I had to

I will talk about this quote in another volume because it repeats all over season 9, and twice in this episode, first Theo and then Castiel.

But, let's come back to the fact that Castiel took a stolen grace (in one of the most sexy scenes I ever saw... Well... Is Misha, he makes everything hot) because he wanted to save Sam and Dean, to be useful to the battle. And he felt he would be more useful as an angel.

So, he called Dean by the phone (pointing Cas knows Dean's number) and we had this sad conversation...

CASTIEL (on the phone) Dean, I don't have a lot of time, so listen. The leader of the opposition is an angel named Malachi.

DEAN: How do you know that?

The concern is all over Dean's voice, he needs to know because he knows this case was very dangerous for Castiel, and he feels guilty for leaving him alone. Even if he knows Cas is strong, his protective nature can't handle the fact he failed to his friend in protecting him.

CASTIEL: He had me. I, uh, I was tortured. But I got away.

DEAN: How?

CASTIEL: I... I did what I had to. I became what they've become. A barbarian.

Here is the quote, is the mission, for the mission, he became a barbarian.

DEAN: What are you – Cas, where are you?

Dean is sensing Castiel is making bad decisions again, he thinks because he wants to help angels, but the truly reason why is HIM AND SAM.

CASTIEL: It's better I stay away. They're gonna want me even more now. But I'm gonna be all right. I... I got my Grace back. Well, not mine per se, but it'll do.

This is it. Cas is an angel again. Dean and Cas know they're in war, but... They had began something... Now the boundaries between them are here again... So is kind of frustrating...

Castiel smiles... The mojo is so Dean, to describe his grace. Yes is sad because they will be separated by that difference, but is necessary...

When Cas says I'm an angel, Dean asks immediately : And you are okay with that?

Because, what would be nice for Cas being a human? He suffered a lot, he doesn't even had a place, or his own bed. Why on Earth Dean was thinking Cas was feeling great as a human? He is not talking about those things, at all, he knows Cas was not having a great life, or great human experience. Then why Dean is asking this? Because of them. Him and Cas. It was obvious they were free, to do, say or even flirt with each other, and that felt good. The easy going, because they were both humans, not boundaries between them. Because both of them knew this. Even with that cockblocker and being apart, maybe Dean was thinking it wouldn't be for ever and eventually, Cas will be living in the bunker with them and maybe... Just maybe... They could be finally together.

So... Because they felt that thing between them, so real now that Cas was a human, so reachable... Why now to choose to be an angel again? Right. War. Mission. That's the way Cas thinks. Goodbye opportunity...

Then, Dean was about to say something... Something we will never know, because Castiel cut him off, I know this is frustrating, but the way Dean says CAS, it could be something coming from his frustrated and concerned heart.

And Cas ... He needed to be useful for Dean. For his mission.

To Conclude:

Castiel and Dean kept flirting. Cas being a human, without boundaries, knowing Dean had flirted with him in episode 9x03, decides to do the same, Dean doesn't stays back, and flirted with him too in front of Sam.

Castiel decided to get back to the game as an angel when he hears Dean and Sam were in danger. He also felt he wasn't useful for Dean, because he rejected him twice, so maybe for this war, he needed to come back powerful like an angel.

I hope you like this meta, I'll see you in the next one!

Tagging @metafest @magnificent-winged-beast @emblue-sparks @weirddorkylittlediana @michyribeiro @whyjm @legendary-destiel @a-bit-of-influence @thatwitchydestielfan @misha-moose-dean-burger-lover @lykanyouko @evvvissticante @savannadarkbaby @trickster-archangel @dea-stiel @poorreputation @bre95611 @thewolfathedoor @charlottemanchmal @neii3n @deathswaywardson @followyourenergy @dean-is-bi-till-i-die @hekatelilith-blog @avidbkwrm @anarchiana @dickpuncher365 @vampyrosa @foxyroxe-art @authorsararayne @anonymoustitans @mybonsai1976 @love-neve-dies @wildligia @dustythewind @wayward-winchester67 @angelwithashotgunandtrenchcoat @trashblackrainbow @deeutdutdutdoh @destiel-is--endgame @destiel-shipper-11 @larrem88 @charmedbycastiel @ran-savant @little-crazy-misha-minion @samoosetheshipper

@shadows-and-padlocked-hearts @mishtho @dancingtuesdaymorning @nerditoutwithbooks @mikennacac73 @justmeand-myinsight @idontwantpeopletoknowmyname @tenshilover20 @teddybeardoctor @pepevons @helevetica @isthisdestiel @dizzypinwheel @jawnlockwinchester

If you want to be tagged, just let me know.

If you want to read the previous metas from season 9, here are the links...

Vol. XL; Vol. XLI, Vol. XLII

Buenos Aires December 23rd 2019 9:32 PM