#i didn't allow myself to accept these parts of him bc of all he suffered through i felt like he was just a sad little boy | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

britneyshakespeare · 4 months ago

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I feel like certain people on Tumblr have really been fighting for backwards progress when it comes to how we talk about mental illness and abuse. I see posts at least several times a week on my dash that seem to have the purpose of implying people with insert-mental-illness and/or insert-symptom are not abusive when they do insert-action-that-makes-people-uncomfortable, often times meaning to promote a more positive image of people with particularly stigmatized conditions, like personality disorders, mood disorders, psychosis, addiction, or neurodivergence. And I really really hate it because these posts almost always have the ultimate purpose of telling people not just "This thing is not inherently abusive," but often it comes across as "You were not abused."

I just find that to be really unhelpful and unintentionally hurtful, and for what? I believe that destigmatizing various mental conditions is a worthy cause, but at the same time this type of rhetoric seems to be so protective of people in whichever stigmatized group they're trying to advocate for, that it comes back around to a sort of respectability politics. Anybody can be an abuser. And someone's means and methods of abusing can very much be influenced by a condition they have. Why wouldn't it be? Their conditions will affect every aspect of their life and their interpersonal relationships. Especially if these issues are going untreated or being insufficiently managed. I don't understand why anyone would want to make it appear as if abusers are mostly neurotypical and mentally well people, or that if they aren't, then their conditions have nothing to do with it and the overlap is merely incidental. What? It makes it so hard for anyone who is a victim to come to terms and identify the dynamics of what they've gone through.

Addicts and mentally ill people don't have to be unproblematic in order to be humanized and accepted. And nobody profits from writing hard and fast rules about how abuse apparently works, drawing clear lines between which behaviors can, and cannot, ever be abuse.

#tales from diana #making unrebloggable bc i can't handle the discourse on this topic #my own experience with being abused and taken advantage of by someone who almost CERTAINLY had npd... just kinda breaks me #when i see this and it's like making it out to be 'everyone who says they suffered from narcissistic abuse is lying #or misunderstanding what narcissism is because ppl w npd would NEVER do this'#i can see that it's a highly stigmatized term and i don't want to act like an expert on what ppl w the condition go through #but i can tell you i felt deep sympathy for this man for a long time. i felt pity for all he'd gone through. but he'd just lay on the guilt #for every little thing i did that ever displeased him for any reason. he just degraded and disrespected me. and USED me #he used me for money for attention for CONSTANT attention oh my god #he wouldn't even let me go to sleep sometimes before 3 am. and he stole so much money from me #he put me in physical danger. he gossiped about me to all my friends when i was starting to distance myself #before i even came to terms with just how toxic he was to me.#and every time i just wanted to go somewhere wo him or even just stay at home by myself #it was about HIM. it was about how HE felt about it. he had ZERO sympathy for me and i handled all his emotional labor #this man couldn't even think for himself. he brought all his problems to me for me to sort through bc he was so inept and shallow #he was lazy he was careless he didn't listen to ppl he was casually rude #i didn't allow myself to accept these parts of him bc of all he suffered through i felt like he was just a sad little boy #who never learned manners or etiquette or. just. respect #basic respect. as much as i outlined what i wasn't ok w and what hurt me. it didn't matter to him #and NONE of these things are inherently the things that make me think he has npd #his actual suffering and the things i felt bad for him about were very real and severe #but i know what happened between us and i know he was abusive to me. the ppl writing these posts do not.#to say that someone has been abusive in an interpersonal relationship should be something we should be able to respect #and give ppl the benefit of the doubt. and victims may OFTEN not be well-informed about their own abusers' issues #but ppl can just know whether or not they were abused. regardless of if they fully grasp the why and how #if victims say something problematic or paint w a broad brush talking abt ppl who have something in common w their abuser #we should still correct that gently and kindly and not dismiss their experience outright #like i can't believe i have to say that. but i've seen some seriously upsetting posts on here recently.

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bubblessdrw · 4 years ago

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Here's Tom desing, I hope you like him and also understand well his backstory. (Also don't idealize or condone his or Rose's actions just bc of the backstory and trauma, NO! I won't be accepting that I'll get really mad if that happens) if you have some requests or questions about his or Rose's character or backstory you can ask them!

Also NONE of his experiences or trauma are based on personal experience, but I've been educating myself so I don't romanticize any inapropiate behavior

TW for child 4buse, Tom's backstory.

Rose (another oc of mine) is Tom's older sister, Rose always wanted a brother but her parents were happy only with her. Rose was the type of perfect girl since the very beginning but, three years after her brother appeared in her life, without her or her parents knowing it, time passed and Tom was born.

Her parents didn't want another kid but Rose was really happy with him. They started to treat him like he wasn't part of the family doing horrendous things to him, making him starve or not cleaning himself for days. Those days He wasn't allowed to go to school, but since he didn't go to school frequently bc of his parents fault he was punished more, also making him fail school, he wasn't enough for them he wasn't like Rose. As the years passed by he started to hate his sister a lot, she was the perfect girl in his parents eyes, she was doing good in school, she was pretty and her parents loved her. But on the other hand, Rose loved his brother and she admired how strong he was, she wanted to do anything for him but when she tried to help him he would react wrong, because he can't trust anyone because all the people he had trusted on disappointed him in some way, also since Rose was the perfect girl he started to think that she did that on purpose only to mock him and she was the only reason why his parents hated him. Not only started hating his sister but any person in the world, thinking that this life didn't have any purpose only making people suffer. [I'll finish the backstory in a next drawing]

#my ocs #oc art #small artist #artists on tumblr #artistlife #art #digital art #digital painting #digital aritst

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