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kariachi · 4 years ago

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Okay y’all, it’s the big day. The latest of the Ben 10 movies, after which I will be fully caught up on the franchise and can unblacklist it finally because two days is too damn much already.

I’m going in with, pretty much no info? I’ve watched one trailer, don’t even know if there’s more, and gotten hints of spoilers. Enough to worry for my son but not enough to actually know anything. Which, given Kevin is about all I care about, tells you some of how I feel going into this. Am crossing my fingers and hoping this ends with him in a really good space and having nothing to do with Phil because I have been worrying about that since I learned he would be in this.

Don’t trust that man as far as my piddly arms could throw him and anyway I don’t want Kevin anywhere near any part of the Forever Dipshit unless he’s actively dismantling the fucker. Asshole deserves to get turned into a toaster. Haven’t heard any ‘oh your reaction is going to be fun’ sort’ve stuff from anybody, so fingers crossed.

But, we can’t know anything until we get into it, so, Ben 10 Versus The Universe.

An hour 12 minutes, yeah it looks like my initial estimate might be accurate. I will be here the entire damn day.

Ooo, it’s own intro, very nice.

Okay, 1) like that intro, very much in the style of the other series and I like that about it. 2) Spent it wondering if they were going to include Kevin in the rogue’s gallery runthrough and instead it literally ends with the Tennysons and Kevin in the Rustbucket, Kevin being his normal little shit self.

Maybe watching this when I was on the rag was a bad idea because y’all I am already in tears he’s enjoying himself so much. My precious son. Gods I love him.

Can I just sit on this frame for an hour, would that count? Can fill the time with telling you how much I love my son.

Ben 10 Versus The Universe: The Movie (The Game: The Gameshow: The TV Series)

They brought in fucking everybody for this. Kelly is at the bottom of the list but I am putting my trust in her. Seriously y’all I am so happy with her work on this show, I knew the reboot was going to be good as soon as I learned she was going to be working on it, she is a delight.

Okay, actual show, apparently we’re starting at what looks like a small base. I don’t know for what. it looks like they want me to think it’s military but also yeah no. The pool is throwing me off the most, I think. I mean wtf?

Oh look, Smythe shit. A steam-powered airship-zeppelin. And Ben as Heatblast handling the situation, as one does.

Ben is so tired. He needs a vacation from this vacation so damn bad. Somebody else handle the villains so he can get like, two weeks to actually relax.

Ah, it’s an industrial server farm. I don’t know enough about those or if it’s even a thing to give an opinion. Smythe wants it gone though, to the shock of nobody.

He wasn’t to wipe out telecommunications so we’re left with telephones as our most advanced mode of conversation.

Ben, meanwhile, is asleep. Can’t blame him.

Ben is bored. This shit is like clockwork, he could probably save the day in his sleep at this point. Especially from Smythe.

“I’m not even breaking a sweat, and I’m on fire!”

Ben saves the day, hardly even has to try (pretty much doesn’t) and in the end even Smythe has to agree this is getting repetitive.

Huh, Max and Gwen were in the doom-ball.

Max and Gwen are not impressed with Ben having been bored while they were under the threat of danger. Ben has the very valid point that they really weren’t at any risk, even if they were in a mine.

Max, while talking about staying ready for the unexpected, gets a phonecall.

Ben: “Bet you anything it’s Phil. He’s got some big emergency and we’ve gotta go somewhere and look at something.” Gwen: “You don’t have to be so smug. Not everything is a dire situation.” Max: “It’s Phil, we gotta go to his lab and look at something. He says it’s pretty dire.” Ben: “Like clockwork.”

Honestly I’d be bored too. This is why they needed to add Argit, something to mix things up, change up the style.

Unfortunately I didn’t get any ‘your reaction is gonna be so fun’ messages so I don’t think we’re getting Argit. But hopefully, given space and Kevin are involved, we will receive an opening for later Argitness.

Hello Phil. I still don’t trust you. You have been nothing but vaguely suspicious shit on top of vaguely suspicious shit every since the season 1 finale and with your history in the other series? Where you were a dipshit from the word go? I wouldn’t leave you alone with a beanbag chair.

Ben, not taking shit seriously, Gwen unimpressed, Phil stating that actually it may be the end of the world. Honestly fuck it save the children let it die. The reboot sequels can be Ben, Gwen, and Kevin traveling the galaxy trying to, ya know, survive and shit. They gather an Argit on the way who honestly is amazed these three didn’t die within a day and half. Tell me you wouldn’t watch that!

Do you even have a bedroom or anything, Phil, or is that building just all lab? Do you pull a Kevin and sleep on your tech?

I don’t trust this giant-computer room. It’s giving me FD vibes.

Anyway yadda yadda object heading straight for Earth, we continue

Ben is so excited to have something new going on

Phil thinks this is a massive meteorite. I’m going to guess warship because I’m fairly certain I remember Incurseans being involved somewhere and honestly.

Oh Ben

I’m like 3.5 minutes in

Ben: If I turn into Cannonbolt you guys can launch be at the meteor and the impact would make it go kablooey Gwen: You and the meteor would ricochet off each other sending you into deep space with no way back Ben: I’d never have homework again Gwen: Ben please

“After months of analyzing your Omnitrix-” I swear this show’s relationship with time will drive me to drink

Phil, do you really think you have time to try to properly prep the child for space? I mean you’ve got over an hour of movie but in-universe

...Phil, why do you have a g-force simulator? And where the fuck are you fitting it?

Okay, seriously, I am concerned at this point by the shit he has on hand. Also why are they focusing on FourArms, mix it up, there’s nine other aliens available

You guys realize you don’t have much choice but to send him anyway? I mean unless you intend to hunt down Kevin and sacrifice him instead which, honestly would be in line with his adult interactions so far and honestly space was good for him in the sequels so maybe it’ll be good for him here.

Ben is so excited and Gwen is so done.

Upgrades to the armor shit have been unlocked.

Problem being, the new armor makes Jetray look, very humanoid. I am not impressed.

Gotta hand it though, Boy can get some speed now. Holy crap. Hate to see XLR8 upgraded.

“We’ve only got one shot at this” Ben’s moving fast enough I think you’ve got a solid three or four

Gwen, Gwen are you having an existential crisis? He’s passed the moon, he’s not coming back down anytime soon.

Ben please

And Ben lost that game of chicken with the meteor, having swerved away at the last moment, presumably because the Omnitrix has the whole ‘you are not dying you fucker’ thing going on

And Ben has been flown right into a fucking vortex of some variety or another. Welp.

Thirty seconds until the meteor hits, nobody knows where Ben vanished too, Phil is resigned, Max is blank, and Gwen looks fucking haunted. Poor kid does not deserve this. She needs a vacation from this vacation too

Oh Gwen, baby

Welp, everyone is fairly certain Ben is dead. Good news is, you won’t outlast him by long the meteor should take out earth in about four seconds

Motherfuck- If you are going to just vanish can you not wait until one second before you’re supposed to hit a planet?!?! Fucking rude!!

Motherfucking Vilgax! I should’ve known! Only you would be so rude! Also how much shit was your little ramshackle pod encased in that it was mistaken for the largest meteor seen?

So, Vilgax is here on Earth and our only defense is Max, Gwen, and presumably Kevin. Either Kevin is going to tap into some pre-reboot murder instincts or shit is about to get bad.

Ben has been carried through the wormhole to, Kinet? I think that’s Kinet, give me a second- No! No it’s Petropia! Listen it’s been a while let me live. Why drop Ben here? wtf is going on?

Swimming through space because your ultra jetboots stopped working

Somebody is watching this child. Who? We know not.

Ben: *times out* Omnitrix: Fuck no *builds spacesuit*

Ben, worried he failed and doomed Earth. It’s okay, it was just Vilgax. Once you find your way back home it’ll all be good.

Sudden spaceship. Also is space just, purple? Is that what’s going on here?

Oh look, Incurseans. Hi.

Omnitrix takes a while to register an alien language and start translating, which makes sense that it would take a little bit for a translator like that to kick in, the tech trying to figure out what language is being spoken. Don’t think I’ve seen that before in a work, very nice. Also the language is literally Incursean so, that’s nice to know. Handy for someone like me.

...Ben is being arrested by the Incurseans for multiple violent crimes perpetrated across the universe. Did not expect that from them.

Also Azmuth, please explain to me what precisely you did with this watch before you threw it at Earth?

...How you could mistake Ben for Vilgax I do not know, but it’s nice to know it wasn’t Azmuth causing wanton destruction and chaos? I guess? This certainly explains how the bastard knew how the Omnitrix worked.

Takes Ben ten seconds of being amazed at and in love with the Omnitrix to register that they think he’s Vilgax.

The Incurseans know about Earth. I’m not sure if that’s a good, bad, or neutral thin in the reboot. The whole ‘arresting a fucker for crimes against the universe’ thing has thrown me off.

Ben plays along for a chance to escape, meanwhile you know Kevin would’ve snapped and argued and fought until they had to admit he couldn’t be Vilgax because Vilgax wouldn’t lower himself to biting.

(I mean it, look at that child and tell me he doesn’t bite)

Well, Ben almost escaped. Too bad Incurseans have those long-ass tongues

Humongasaur fighting an endless swarm of frogs

Ben just is having a day. Honestly it’s lucky Earth’s not going to get wrecked by a meteorite because otherwise he’d be fucked.

Team Tennysons is trying to track Ben down on Earth. Apparently Phil has found the Omnitrix’s signal and they’re tracking that. Three guesses who they’re about to find and the first two don’t count.

Phil: He crashed from space so he might be- Tennysons: Finish that sentence and die

Yeah, the red flashing doesn’t clue them in or anything

And the energy signature looks different. Gwen, darling, you are experienced enough to know exactly who you’re about to find in a cave in the middle of nowhere in the desert (because of-fucking-course, my goddamn disaster)

How is the red flashing not cluing you in? Ben is green, Kevin is red, and together they make one whole Christmas.

Kevin hauling ass, presumably either because something is wrong with his watch (my poor son) or because the Tennysons calling him Ben is freaking him out (my poor son) or both (my poor song)

Okay, Gwen, the tone wasn’t awful but still, was not nessecary to put that emphasis on ‘Kevin’ after the ‘it was just’. Alongside the almost aggravated look when you finally put the pieces together and realized it was him? I know you’re worried for Ben but come on. You hunted him down, he is innocent in everything.

Also can we talk about, something is clearly wrong? I guessed something was wrong with the watch, I think I was right- Kevin was groaning after timing out, holding his head, it’s not normal.

The first thing my son says is telling the Tennysons to get lost (quote “You heard him, hit the road” after Phil tells them to call him when they go back to their search), which isn’t surprising given the look on his face after Gwen’s ‘it was just Kevin’. Something is wrong and now he’s upset on top of that because, well, we know him and how he feels about not being appreciated.

Also holy shit the framing, with Kevin on top of a tall rock in an empty cave, with his back to the Tennysons, making up just a small part of the shot. Really emphasizing just how alone he is.

(Dear reboot give him his rat and prison-dad for fuck’s sake)

(Nobody sent me any ‘your response is gonna be fun’ messages, so I’m assuming I don’t get Kwarrel either, damnit. I can only hope for openings for later Kwarrel in the franchise)

Oh. Oh my son. Oh something has gone very wrong and he is shifting uncontrollably. He has isolated himself so nobody sees him like this. My baby. My precious little perfect child

Notice that he is shifting uncontrollably and he has still not taken off the watch, which would be the obvious answer to the dilemma. So why? Was he too busy freaking out to think of it? Or does on or off not matter anymore?

Tennysons: Why don’t you come along and let us help you? Kevin: Fuck you and your talking car too

“I built this. I should be able to control it.” Oh Kevin...

“And that’s amazing!” And Kevin has no fucking response (except to be a crushing wreck but, I’m deducting the half point and moving on). Praise? For his work? Is that legal?

My son. My heart.

“I didn’t do it all on my own. There was kinda this weird dream.” Said while he’s making his way down to the Tennysons because in the end all he needs is for someone to call him amazing, give him praise, notice him, appreciate him, acknowledge his worth.

The Tennysons recommend letting Phil help because he helped Ben and Kevin’s response is, quote “I’m. Not. Ben! And this isn’t the Omnitrix, it’s the Antitrix*.”

*First time Kevin’s watch has been referred to by that name in the show. Prior to this it was always called a watch or an Omnitrix.

There is so much fucking going on in Kevin tell me we’re learning some of it here I’m begging, give me the inner workings of my son

...pause a second, I don’t wanna look it up because I’m worried about spoilers, but does Kevin’s watch look different? The strap system is different, I’d swear it. Or maybe I’m wrong, it’s been a few days since a Kev episode...

Kevin pointing out that he’s not a Tennyson, denying ever doing anything to help them, wondering what their deal is, claiming they should hate him (my fucking son! someone get this child a dad and a rat, a blanket, some cocoa, and some fucking love and affection!)

By the way, I’m almost 20 minutes in and it’s been over two hours. Kevin is here now, things are probably gonna start going slower.

The Tennysons letting Kevin know they don’t hate him. Max straight up saying he doesn’t seem like a bad kid, just a lost one. Which honestly is very true, he is a good child he just doesn’t really... he’s a mess and there is so much in him and so much of it sour and just- He needs love. Proper, healthy love and guidance by someone who’ll look out for him, put his needs first. It’s why I want Kwarrel back- he, Gar, and reboot!Max have treated Kevin the best, been the most healthy adult interactions he’s had, through the franchise. Kwarrel could be the adult figure he needs in his life, but he got the one episode and nothing and just- I just want the best for Kevin.

“If you trust us, we’ll trust you.” And then Kevin agreeing to come along as long as his watch gets fixed.

Oh gods the smile as he follows them! Like, a moment of happiness for the child!

Vilgax set a city on fire. I take it he’s in a mood.

Yep. Definitely in a mood. Also how the fuck did you get out of the Null Void?

Oh look, we’re back with Ben. Honestly the least interesting part of this movie right now, though I love him.

Although I gotta admit, I never would’ve guessed the Omnitrix being used for a mistaken identity plot like this.

...okay unless he was thrown in the Null Void before you can’t charge him with that he was thrown in unlawfully. Or at least one would hope so. This is space so, the laws have been pretty fucked up in earlier series.

Y’all so not know the joy when you see “How do you plead” and go ‘he pleads not fucking Vilgax’ and then you hit play and Ben’s plea is “not Vilgax”.

Ben is fucking tired of people treating him like he’s Vilgax and you can’t rightly blame him.

Oh, look, Walkatrout. Hi guys! Nice to see you!

Oooo, hello spider-like babies! One second guys I gotta get you a screenshot!

I love them.

Also check out these fuckers!

Seems everybody and their mother is here to see this shit go down

Hi Tetrax. Care to tell us why you are here as a witness for the prosecution?

Welp, can’t see this going well

Tetrax, you lying shit, what is your angle? You have got to have something to gain from this.

Tetrax, describing Ben: “It’s like- It’s like a squishy little sack of organs held together with hair. And it’s head is enormous.”

Ben’s making another break for it

“-these are not the actions of the hero you claim to be-” Hmmmmmmmmmmm

Don’t sentence him to the Null Void you already know Vilgax can get out!

I’m impressed by how much these people believe in Vilgax’s acting skills. Like the fact that he’s acting nothing like himself and in fact 100% like the small child he appears to be only proves that he’s a good actor and not that, ya know, maybe they should check and see if they actually did grab somebody’s kid by accident. I mean it’s not like shapechanging watches are a one-and-done deal, a fucking 11-yo made one

And Ben gets dropped through a portal to, somewhere. It certainly doesn’t look like the Null Void.

Poor crying baby

“You don’t deserve to wield the Omnitrix, it belongs with it’s creator- me.” Oh fuck off, Azmuth. You let a squid have it for fuck’s sake.

Phil studying the Antitrix. Apparently the energy signature is very sporadic, but seems familiar.

Solar, Polar, please, we’ve got shit going on. Important Antitrix information. Could you not take a vacation? Take your mother to Disney World or something?

They’re at the fucking house because Phil has the most powerful radio tower in the country. Of course.

The Tennysons sent Kevin outside to handle them and he’s just standing in the yard watching them and eating chips. Telling them to shove off so his shit can get fixed. How is he not the most popular character in this franchise? Has he not earned a fucking spin-off?

Fucking Dark Matter running through the twins like tissue paper

Gwen, a firm believer in the art of ‘Kevin needs to fucking chill’.

My son sees cops and bolts. Nobody is surprised, given his everything. Honestly it’s probably the safest bet he’s got in anything in life- avoid cops.

“Whoever you saw on those security cameras it wasn’t me!” Kevin what did you do?

Is shocked to find the cops aren’t there for him, my poor son.

Kevin: *is just barely compared to Ben* This cannot be allowed to stand

“Proud? Of me?” Y’all the look on his face! My son!

Like he’s not entirely sure if this is legal but he’s not about to look it in the face! My baby!

Vilgax! Hello! I knew you and my son were both going to be here so I saved you a spot in the pit! Reserved seating, as it were

Fuck off, squid-boy, the kid built the watch fair and square!

Oh gods, tell me the ‘Vilgax was involved in the dream situation’ theory isn’t being proven here

Also the look on Kevin’s face when he’s noting having seen Vilgax before, somewhere between ‘wait a minute’ and ‘you, you are the one I must kill’

He was in the dream and my boy is freaked.

“Used you as a vessel to finally complete my own design” Vilgax you gave the child a dream with a blueprint in it. There is only so much credit you can give yourself. How did you even do that? Is this some new Chimera Sui Generis thing? Superstrength, tentacles, laser eyes, and fucking dreamwalking?

Is the Freddy Kruger of squid

As I said designing the piece means nothing if you go handing out the design to whoever. You can still patent the shit, maybe, but you can’t claim that whatever people made with said pretty-much-opensource design is your property.

Vilgax: It’s my design, give it to me Kevin: Fight me bitch

Kevin ‘Fight Me’ Levin

Ya know, I always though FD would be Kevin’s first kill but honestly it might be Vilgax.

I love him so much you guys. He is the most precious thing ever.

Kicks Vilgax’s arm as he’s going tor the watch, backflips away, perfect landing and out to kick ass

Vilgax if you wanted a kid who would just hand the watch over when you showed up maybe you shouldn’t have handed the design off to the most obstinate, anti-authoritarian, ‘you don’t tell me what to do’ child on the face of the planet Earth. You’d have probably had an easier time getting shit from Looma.

Poor gay couple who just got a car through the roof of their new house

Vilgax can talk shit all he likes, but Kevin is putting up a good fight. That’s another thing he maybe should’ve kept in mind, maybe don’t choose the kid who was doing perfect backflips presumably before he even got the stupid dream.

Okay, Ben is in the Null Void. They’ve tidied the place up since the OG series

Hello, species whose name I can’t remember off the top of my head. Good advice for the child thank you

Oh look, a Loboan, hello

There’s a whole mess of peeps. Including an Ectonurite, Vulpimancer, and Pisciss Volann

Dudes you already know Vilgax wants the watch why do you want to get his attention by getting it your own damn selves? It’s more trouble than it’s worth honestly.

These guys need to chill.

Yeeeep, deeefinitely need to chill

Ya know, Azmuth, if you wanted to show up and take your watch back? Now would be a good time? There’s a whole load of people here vying for it, earn the damn thing.

Hmmmm

Azmuth. Darling. Why are you in the Null Void? Why are you so firmly in the Null Void that fuckers know you and bend to your commands? The fuck did you do?

Everybody is talking shit about Ben today. He’s ten, let the child live!

Ben, out to kick Azmuth’s ass because he thinks he works for Vilgax because let’s be real, he’s had a fucking day and is also literally ten

Azmuth, just a rampaging dick wherever you find him

Also he has the Omnitrix back now

Jesus fuck, I just really want somebody to come step on Azmuth. Like, Vilgax is a dick but that’s his job, Azmuth is just, a fucking dick.

Azmuth you cannot talk about Ben being an infant and then turn around and say he should’ve known to kill Vilgax. He is a child.

Le gasp. Vilgax was Azmuth’s student. I’m going to assume you got thrown in here for not killing him your own damn self?

Benjamin Kirby Tennyson, annoying Azmuth into telling him the story of wtf happened with him and Vilgax

Young-Azmuth here is just, an image I never needed in my life. Give me Blukic and Driba back

Young Vilgax with goggles

And, shocker, Vilgax went ‘science is great but I can do you one better- universal domination’

Wow, Azmuth. Ya know if you’d had any braincells sufficiently developed you’d have known to kill him.

Azmuth. If you could have maybe one manner. A single etiquette.

Also, really? Sending the Omnitrix to Earth was the only option? You couldn’t destroy it now that it’s true destructive potential was known? Recode the damn thing to stricter parameters in a new coding language? Nothing else? Greatest mind in the universe and you couldn’t think of something, anything, besides sending it to a planet that would’ve been completely helpless if Vilgax had managed to get his hands back on it?

Ben: Okay, fuck you and your watch then, I’ll just go beat Vilgax myself Azmuth: Wait what?

Azmuth has set Ben a trial. You know the one, the ‘reach me within this time frame’ shit. If he passes he gets to keep the Omnitrix.

Attempt 1: No shapeshifting Attempt 2: Rath into Humongasaur

Attempt 3 starts with him having managed to end up outside of the trail area entirely

Azmuth is just a fucking dick. Ben points out that his entire goal is to save his planet from Vilgax, Azmuth blows it off because the fact Ben has his life’s work is more important. Gods just, being reminded how big a dick Azmuth is...

Azmuth, please keep in mind that the child is in fact a child

Ben and Kevin need to make friends so Kev can teach him some moves, he’d have kicked this Ectonurite in the head by now

Ben Tennyson, professional Good Child, saves the fucker that’s been giving him shit.

Ben figuring out new ways to use the Omnitrix and unlocking Goop!

Gods, Azmuth, now you gotta shittalk Goop too? Now you’re just being a speciest dick.

Ben saves a fucker, a fucker who’s been nothign but a shit to him, just barely fails the trial, and breaks down over not managing to beat it and save Earth. He’s so good you guys.

“Color me surprised that altruism still exists in this reality” you don’t get to make comments like that when you’ve been nothing but a dick the entire time you’ve been on screen

Azmuth has given Ben more time and a way out of the Null Void. Because it’s Azmuth, of course he’d rather stay there and wallow in his own bullshit that actually go out into the universe and do something about the problems he started.

Don’t waste your breath on him, Ben, he doesn’t deserve it

Dude he saved is now a Ben fan.

And Ben takes a sidetrip to save the Incurseans from a giant Null Void portal

And back on Earth Kevin is still putting a fight. He’s not winning, but he’s still fighting because he is a precious disaster.

The Tennysons trying to get it through his obstinate, broken little brain that he can accept help (and also that just because Ben does it doesn’t mean he has to refuse just to keep himself distinct from him (I am wording this badly but, I can’t word it right just now...))

It doesn’t work.

My son. Vilgax ain’t even tired and Kevin is but he’s still holding his own.

Holy shit Phil has a living room

And Gwen has become a hostage. Good job drawing attention to yourself kiddo.

Yes Gwen, bite the squid! It’s not doing anything but I appreciate the enthusiasm and the fighting back!

She hardly even counts as a hostage, Kevin went to straight punch Vilgax and the dude just threw her away. At least use her as a fucking shield!

“You must be under the impression that you are special, when in reality you were only good for one thing.” 1) Yeah, building what you couldn’t. 2) Kevin is a brilliant artist and engineer, good at athletics, with a natural talent for magic, all on top of a good sense of humor and a smile like the fucking sun, HE IS WORTH TEN OF YOU

Also, so far the movie has given me no reason to believe that he was given any parts or tools with which to build this watch so, on top of all that, all my earlier points still stand so far as far as Kevin being better than fucking Tony Stark with machinery. Is that why you threw the design at this foul-tempered, stubborn little thing, Vilgax? Not because you’re an idiot and he could build it, but because he’s the only one who could? I’ve seen no proof against it yet.

Okay giving us that, that fucking view of him after being tossed, fucking skipping over the asphalt, was not nessecary!!!

My son...

My son....

You did great sweetie! You were amazing!

My son.... My poor, battered, exhausted, son....

Also the fact that he straight up says he’ll try again later, which is just- I don’t doubt it. I don’t doubt he will wake up and immediately upon realizing his watch is gone head out to fight Vilgax again.

The fucking K on the antitrix turning into a V is aggravating for pit-related reason but also very thematically appropriate

Vilgax fucking chimerized himself. Fuck off, that’s Kevin’s thing. Just all about stealing from children

Vilgax steals his chimerism shtick and Kevin immediately starts regaining consciousness. My child

Extra toothy mouths too?! Fucking chill, squid-boy!

Kevin is up and moving and everyone is fleeing a pissed Vilgax in the Rustbucket. He is now on the hunt for Ben

Vilgax is, really putting them through the wringer and Kevin is not happy.

And Kevin, once they’re at Vilgax’s mercy, runs off to start shit once again with the fucker. Because my child is perfect.

He has hijacked fucking Glitch! Of course he has! My child! Harness the fucking Glitch!

He and Glitch, luring Vilgax away with ease because this man handles disrespect worse than Kev does.

The Rustbucket is scrap, but Phil might have an option.

And we’re back to Ben. When last we left him he’d worn himself out saving the Incurseans, straight passing out, and now, now we’re back to him.

The Incurseans saved him, and are apologizing for starting shit. Which is better than they were in past iterations so honestly I’m happy with them.

Incursean leader: You have legal permission to apprehend Vilgax Ben: I don’t know how to get home IL: We’ll take you Incursean Otherdude: We can’t enter warpdrive Ben: What about that wormhole I took before? IO: ...that would work IL: Great, let’s go!

They are going to scour the ship for Tetrax so they can bring him in for falsely accusing a 10-yo hero of being Vilgax

Back to the Best Boy and Glitch fucking psychoanalysing my child as someone who uses an abrasive attitude to ward of people who may hurt him but at heart is a good person

“Listen, if there’s anything I know, it’s how to adapt and survive. If anyone can deal with being alone with Captain Calamari out here, it’s me.” My son!!

And they’re caught. Somebody give Kevin a crowbar or something.

Holy shit Glitch sacrificed himself to give Kevin a shot! Fucking hell! That, I think that may earn back the half point lost for the Gwevin. Sacrificing yourself to save my son earns a lot.

Oh you did not just call my son sniveling and pathetic. You didn’t. You get the special pit with FD.

My boy is crying. My boy is crying. A squid is going to die. Thou shalt not suffer a Vilgax to live.

The first person to get me a picture of Vilgax being torn apart by Kevin 11k gets a drabble.

Glitch! Giving my boy the aid and encouragement he needs in this moment! You definitely get the half point!

Kevin, like Ben, is having A Day.

Did, did Glitch and Kevin just fucking biomerge? Taking my son up a notch? Oh yesss

Glitch has been working on becoming armor for Ben but, well, Kevin needs it right now and it did need a testrun. Kevin is so happy to get to use it first. Seriously I don’t know what happened in their backstory but, damn

My boy

Welp

Back to Ben and Tetrax really should’ve been ready to bail, taking so long is just unprofessional.

Azmuth paid Tetrax to lie in court. Raise your hand if you’re surprised. Nobody. I’m shocked.

Ben is letting Tetrax go because he’s like 60% certain he helped in the long run

*snort* Okay, like that fourth wall break.

Kevin and Glitch, still fighting Vilgax, to the surprise of nobody given Kevin does not cannot will not stop fighting

They work well together, they really do. Glitch is more entertaining when he’s actually working off somebody rather than trying to just, be his own thing.

Ben cannot catch a break today

The Tennysons in an actual car plus Kevin and Glitch, all fighting Vilgax together because fuck it, better than going it alone right now

There’s still another twelve minutes.

My son. My Son. “A pity you didn’t stand down while you still had the chance.” “I’d rather go all-in and end up squashed than stand around and let some slab of squid jerky like you stand around and take over the planet.”

Ben is back on Earth and ready to join the fray. Sorry Squiddly but there is no chance in hell you can handle Kevin and Ben at the same time. Actually I’m fairly certain Kevin’s not gonna end up a Tennyson half because of this fucking obsession with Gwevin and half because Kevin and Ben as family would end the universe all on it’s own.

The fact Kevin then proceeded to call him Squidly just makes this day better.

A lot has happened since you left, Ben. Everyone has been having A Time.

And Vilgax smacks Kevin away, doing that final bit of damage to take Glitch out of the fight. Which means Kevin is out of the fight, or at least will be in a minute because honestly I’ll be surprised if nobody sits on him after that last stunt he pulled.

We’ve got nine minutes, let’s see if Vilgax can stand up against Ben, especially after all the fighting he’s already been doing. Neither of them is fresh, but Ben is fresher.

Vilgax is kicking ass so far. C’mon Ben, use Goop!

My son! Acting like he’s not worth saving because he can’t be useful. I am going to hunt down his father and the FD and destroy them both.

Glitch can drain the car and start repairs. The Tennysons are being helpful and Good.

My baby! He is just, confidence has plummeted. Kevin, baby, you are the best thing on this show! You are amazing!

Max, pointing out that Kevin managed to hold off Vilgax on his own, and that he and Ben together can kick his ass. Phil backing it up with a ‘the world needs you right now’.

Yesss, support for my son, this is all I want in this world

“Stand back, I’m going after my watch.” What did I tell you. He’s getting that fucking watch back if he has to eat Vilgax to do it. He worked hard on that thing!

Glitch is falling the fuck apart, Ben is down, Vilgax is about to win, and Kevin is not looking like he’s about to stop anytime soon.

MY BOY!!!!! MY FUCKING SON!!!! THE PERFECT BEING!!!!!!

He dove at Vilgax as he was about to use the Omnitrix’s key to unlock more power for the Antitrix and managed to snatch it back from the bastard! Because! He! Is! Perfect!

Vilgax has still gotten what so far seems to be a net positive effect, but at least he doesn’t have the watch

He thinks he’s Jafar

Vilgax standing there monologuing about his own greatness and Kevin just calls him a doofus and launches at him as Bashmouth

Then straight to CrystalFist when caught to make vilgax let him go, he’s amazing.

Ben catches him as he plummets, fully armored up, it’s time for these boys to wreck some squid shit.

Vilgax just keeps fucking growing. We’ve only got like five minutes left in the movie, just stop.

Kevin just, no hesitation. He is going to fight a giant squid so help him god

Welp. They managed to land some blows.

The boys have been taken out, Team Tennyson is at Ben’s side. “Glitch is- is gone.” “What about Kevin?” “I don’t know, Vilgax hit him pretty hard.“

Phil. Phil what the fuck are you hiding? You are hiding something and so help me if it could’ve helped my boy earlier I will-

Kevin and Azmuth need to meet because Kevin needs to punt him.

Oh look, the frog-bitch is out of the Null Void and bothering the Incurseans. They don’t deserve this, they’re good people.

Oh look, Ben has unlocked Waybig. Fitting, I suppose.

It’s gonna be a curbstomp fight, there’s only a few minutes left and we still need to wrap this movie up. Hopefully confirm my son is alive.

I was right. Good fight, still very quick. And now we gotta deal with fucking Azmuth again.

And, shocker, Ben gets to keep the watch.

Okay, we have confirmation Kevin at least limped away. He was alive as of the end of this film.

11/11 thanks to quality Kevin content and Glitch finally earning my respect. I’m still serious about the Vilgax thing though- first person, a reboot drabble of their choosing.

#achi liveblogs #ben 10 2.os #ben 10 #ben 10 versus the universe

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a5h3ph3rd · 5 years ago

Text

Samuel goes through many many layers of crisis

-Start Session Two-

We pick back up with Samuel loudly vetoing the abandoned graveyard séance plan, bringing up the point that abandoned graveyards are abandoned for a reason. One of Zack's roomates hears the discussion and comes down stairs. He is another frat brother, a hockey player named Chet. (Race: human, Class: jock subclass: medicine)

Chet is really stoked to see people at the house and introductions are made, Samuel surreptitiously steps in front of Zack's laptop screen, which is still open to the police stations database. Chet is suuuuper chill, and thinks a séance would be rad.

Mari pipes up from the doorway. She's Diego's twin sister and she eggs everyone on, taking Blair's side instantly. Samuel eventually caves into the peer pressure and agrees. It's nearing midnight now, so Blair and Samuel sneak back to their dorms, nearly getting caught by campus security on the way. The moon is full, making finding shadows to hide in more difficult.

Once inside, the pair start to hear wolves howling in the distance. Because the dorms are near where the forest surrounds the campus Samuel waves it off as a hunting pack passing way too close to human habitation. Blair, on the other hand, spins a theory that the security officers are actually werewolves by making a compelling argument with evidence such as: there's a full moon out, wolves and security guards are good at sniffing things out, are both prone to protecting their perceived territories, and are both pack animals. Samuel humors her for a bit before heading to bed, the sounds of the wolves slowly fading into the forest.

The next morning Samuel and Blair head into town again, meeting up with Chet along the way on his way to work. Blair picks up an extra shift at her own job, while Samuel heads to the library to look up information on Lieutenant Dominic, the lead investigator for the group of campus murders 25 years ago. Mr. Archer, the librarian, tells Samuel that Lt. Dominic was already nearing retirement at the time of the investigation and has since passed away, though he did have a daughter.

Samuel looks her up in the white pages and gives her a call, leaving a voicemail with a story about him doing an interview for the campus paper on local police heroes and if she would be willing to talk about her father. After, Samuel has a small crisis about all the lying he just did.

He heads back to the campus library to look up the school yearbook from 1994, the year the massacre happened. (I have a crisis over how 1994 was 25 years ago wtf). Unfortunately, the yearbooks don't provide much information and Samuel meets up with Blair again later to wait for nightfall. Zack, Cole, Diego and his sister Mari, and Chet meet the two of them and they head off into the woods behind their dorm.

It's a two hour hike, in the dark, and Samuel is visibly freaked out, clinging to Zack and jumping at every twig snap. Blair successfully distracts him from his anxieties with a discussion about ducks and the strangeness of seeing normally daylight animals active at night.

The group eventually breaks out of the forest onto the edge of a large clearing, the standing but decrepit headstones making it clear that this is the graveyard. That and the large amount of low hanging mist creeping across the grass. Blair assures Samuel that, since they're near a lake, the fog is completely natural and that he will know when it isn't. Samuel doesn't feel better about that. They all make their way to the center of the graveyard, where a large stone crypt is still standing. Samuel and Blair note the names on many of the standing stones bear the surname Thornhill. Samuel is apprehensive but of course this is where they decide to hold the ritual. Blair and Mari, in perfect synch, take the lead and start to set up the candles, ouija board, and black mirror, forming a protective pentagram with the items.

The boys, all uselessly standing around, form a protective circle around the girls and everyone links hands, then Blair and Mari start reciting their incantations. They're both speaking in Latin, because of course, and Samuel can't understand most of it, which only freaks him out more. (He silently curses the fact that he spent his time learning Vulcan instead of Latin) Mari cuts her palm open and drips some blood into the circle and Blair dramatically asks the spirits if Angela Mayers, the bisected Professor, is among them, or if any of the spirits of the graves surrounding them are willing to speak.

Samuel, expecting an immediate response like horror movies depict, is momentarily calmed in thinking it hadn't worked, though Blair assures him it normally takes time. Eventually, the wind picks up and the fog becomes denser (Samuel notes with distaste that he -could- in fact tell when the fog became unnatural) The candle flames flicker and then all snuff out, except for the one in the very center of the circle between Mari and Blair. Blair welcomes the spirits very politely and waits for a response.

The sound of intense whispering starts to come out of the woods surrounding the graveyard, and though they initially can't make out the words they can hear the tone become increasingly panicked. Samuel, unfortunately, manages to catch snippets as the whispers grow louder

"-shouldn't be here he's coming run-"

"-no one should be here it's too soon-"

"-he's coming-"

"-HE'S HERE-"

The whispers instantly cut off and complete utter silence fills the graveyard, not even crickets or night sounds can be heard, and the fog masses into a dark cloud around the circle.

Behind Mari a pair of red eyes burn through the fog. Blair, kneeling in front of Mari, looks up and sees, but forces herself not to react. Unfortunately Samuel is seated directly behind her and also sees. Samuel tries to warn Mari, but can't seem to speak through the abject terror he's experiencing, and the red eyes advance behind Mari, a third glowing eye opening between and above the two.

A gravelly voice made up of multiple voices speaks from just outside the circle, responding to the girls in the old tongue as well, so Samuel still can't parse the words.

"Who are you, and why are you here?"

Blair explains that they're here for answers to the recent murders, which are obviously not done by human hands.

A deep dark laugh starts to move around the circle. Samuel, unfortunately, catches glimpses through the fog of the tall creature as it moves, of 6 arms, a long whip-like tail, and extremely clawed hands and feet as the creature circles the group. He nearly blacks out from fear.

"You come into MY forest, without the decency of knowing where you trespass. Why should I give answers."

"We didn't seek answers from you specifically, and have no quarrel with you." Blair is surprisingly holding it together.

"Yet my home you intrude upon."

"It was not intentional."

"And am I supposed to just forgive?"

"It would be the kind thing to do."

"I am not kind."

"A shame to go through life without kindness." Blair has the balls to reply.

"It never suited me. Your kind only come to me to make deals. So. What deal do you wish to make?"

"Knowing how these things go, I may not be willing."

"Shame."

"Different beings deal in different things. If I were to negotiate, what would you seek?"

The creatures eyes the group, then focuses back to Blair.

"You distrust me because I am not human."

Blair hedges. "I distrust in general."

"It is wise to seek terms before committing."

"I will release you if you retrieve something for me."

"What?"

"An item from Thornhill manor. A heart. My heart."

"Who stole your heart?"

"That is not your concern.

Blair negotiates with the demon, he wants collateral so that they are forced to return and Chet offers himself. The demon answers one of Blair's questions to show he's willing to seal the deal.

Blair asks the obvious "who killed Professor Mayers?" The demon, however, gives a dodgy answer saying. "It is someone you know, but someone you would not recognize now."

"That's not a very satisfactory answer." Blair is careful to make her next words a statement rather than a question.

"I need to know who to look for."

The demon, amused, responds. "You will know their sigil when you see it. Though be careful of the company you keep. One cannot always see the beasts around you." He extends his hand. "Give me your palm."

"You know as well as I do that I can't break this circle."

The demon slowly closes his hand. "Clever. But I am a creature of my word. I nor anything else will harm you. If you return to me in two days time, no harm will come to your companion either, and I will answer your questions to the best of my ability."

Blair makes eye contact with Mari. Mari joins Cole and Diego's hands before letting go and offering her own palm. Razaroth burns his own sigil into her palm. "This will tell you when you are close to the item I seek."

"Come with me Chet." Chet, surprisingly nonplussed, goes for a fist bump and the demon grabs the fist and pulls Chet into the fog.

Samuel is loudly freaking the fuck out about this, though Blair speaks over him. "Who should I call for when we return?"

"Razaroth.

Blair tries to calm Samuel down, while Mari pulls Zack, Diego, and Cole away to whisper a discussion with them. Blair explains to Samuel what happened and, while Samuel starts to go into full on existential-crisis mode, Blair goes over to Mari to confirm a suspicion she has.

"Are you werewolves?" Straight to the point.

Zack looks guilty, Cole and Diego eye each other warily, and Mari speaks for them. "We're shapeshifter, actually. Calling us werewolves is kinda rude."

Samuel is too busy pacing back and forth and trying to rationalize the events of the night to hear this discussion.

Mari explains that the Thornhill manor is a bit of a hike away, though they know where it is as it's rumored to be the lair of a Witch Hag.

Samuel, in shock and apparently the only one here reacting normally to the confirmation of ghosts and demons in the world, follows along with the group without protest as they make their way there. It's nearly another hour's hike away, and in this time Samuel manages to calm himself down, successfully compartmentalizing this knowledge since he's Catholic and was already halfway into believing in ghosts and demons anyway. He's quietly thankful he thought to get a rosary and holy water from Father John before all this.

They reach the gates of Thornhill manor, they're tall and imposing and Samuel tries to wedge the gate open with his crowbar. Zack takes over and succeeds and they walk about 20 minutes across the sprawling grounds of the estate before seeing the house. Despite it being a century old, the house looks in decent condition.

Mari kicks the door open and they all enter. Samuel, half expecting it, turns around to look at the door and finds nothing but a wall. Dismayed, he heads to a curtained window and finds nothing behind the fabric either. The group briefly discusses possible locations for a demon's heart. Samuel suggests they clear the rooms on the ground floor, then head upstairs and clear those before checking out the basement. Not because he is afraid, but because it would be methodical. And also because he is very obviously afraid.

They make their way to the kitchens, where pots on the stove are bubbling with gross items like fingers and such. Samuel notes that this all seems specifically designed to scare them, and while he's scared, he's starting to find it hard to take it seriously. The house seems to be an odd mixture of old and new architecture as they clear the kitchen, dining room, and foyer before heading into the study. The sigil Mari's palm gives no indication that they're close, and there are no doors or windows leading out of the house.

Samuel, very much the type to stop in a dangerous situation when there are books around, stops in the study to pull out some of the books. They're all, frustratingly, in languages he doesn't know, though he hands one in Latin pertaining to demon summoning and binding to Blair. The group turns around to head back to the foyer, but the doorway instead leads to the attic. Samuel, hysteria creeping into his voice, jokes that the house is making them do a Speed run and they must've clipped through the ceiling. The attic holds only old dresses and Victorian era photos, some with the name Elena Thornhill written on the back. Samuel notes it's still all very horror-movie adjacent.

They find a ladder leading out of the attic but it leads straight into the basement, and Mari mentions that her hand is starting to itch. The door out of the basement leads into a bedroom, which Samuel notes is very stereotypically decorated like a creepy grandma's bedroom, complete with creepy porcelain dolls, as expected.

Mari asks if he expected that, and points to the shrouded four poster bed, an indistinct figure resting there. Samuel asks her not to open the bed curtain, but before he gets the words out Cole has stepped forward and done so. The bed is empty. Samuel weakly asks the group if the figure is behind him, but there's nothing there. Then the group all slowly look up. There's a decrepit woman on all fours on the ceiling, and her head rotates backwards to see them and she shrieks at them. The group scream in return and run.

The doorway heads into a dining room, where the table is set for a dinner party, complete with the disembodied sounds of music and faint laughter. Samuel makes sure to grab Cole and Diego so that they don't do something stupid like reach for the food, and then the hag's shrieks can be heard approaching and they bolt through another door. They cross from mismatched room to missmatched room, going thru more rooms than even a large manor should hold, before ending up in a room that is creepily full of mirrors; walls, floor, and ceiling. There doesn't appear to be an exit. Frustrated, Mari jumps up to try and reach the ceiling, thinking its maybe an illusion, but when she lands the floor tilts and falls away to deposit them in another basement, though a different one from before.

It looks closer to modern, with wood paneling on the walls, and there's another doorway which looks like it leads into another study. Zack borrows Samuel's crowbar and starts prying the wood paneling off, and instead of dirt or brick like Samuel expects its another room, the glass walls of a conservatory just barely showing from amongst the massive quantities of plants filling it.

They head in and Samuel immediately spots the source of most of the flora. There's a glass case suspended from the ceiling filled with dirt, with black vines pouring out of an opening in the top. Being well-versed in video game logic, Samuel takes the metal spiral stairs up to the second floor and smashes the glass case with his crowbar, causing dirt and vines to cascade to the ground floor. They all immediately hear outraged shrieking approaching and Samuel races back down while Blair starts to dig through the dirt for the source of the vines.

He and the rest of the group form as much of a protective circle around Blair as they can and the hag bursts into the room. She looks just awful, with her lower jaw hanging open and her tongue lolling out as she shrieks at them, approaching. Samuel, emboldened that she looks nearly identical to a ghost hag from The Witcher games, strikes at her with his iron crowbar. It doesn't work like he thought it would and the ghost passes through him, chilling him. She reappears on the other side and heads towards Blair, who has exposed a beating black heart from the dirt and is frantically cutting it away from the vines growing from it. Samuel fumbles in his bag for his bottle of holy water and faces her with his crucifix, starting to recite an exorcism as he backs away from her away from Blair.

The hag angrily turns to him and materializes enough to strike out at him. Samuel takes the blow and as she goes to strike him down again the jaws of a large black wolf clamp down on her now-solid arm. Samuel whacks her with the crowbar and she screams in anger, the concussive force of it sending him and the wolf flying backwards into the wall. Blair shouts that she's got the heart free and gains the hags attention once again.

Samuel, dazed, stands and stumbles after the hag and manages to douse her in holy water. She screams in anguish as her flesh(?) burns away and now corporeal once more, three other large wolves pile onto her. Blair manages to stuff the massive heart into her backpack and Samuel douses the hag with the last of the holy water and the flesh of her exposed chest melts away to show a frantically beating red heart. Unable to escape the jaws of the wolves, she struggles in vain as everyone pins her down and Samuel stabs through the heart with the crowbar. With one final shriek, the hag disintegrates beneath them and the heart in Blair's backpack starts to quicken its beating, starting to glow red.

The fight now apparently over, Samuel sits down heavily to process everything. He belatedly wonders where Zack and everyone else are and Blair makes knowing eye-contact with the largest wolf. "Mari?" The brown wolf inclines her head as a darker brown and a grayish wolf flank her. The black wolf comes limping into view with its tail tucked, looking apprehensive at Samuel's reaction.

"So uh. They're shapeshifters Sam." Blair is as direct as always. Samuel is too exhausted to react to this information with anything other than bland acceptance.

He looks over to the black wolf. The wolf carefully approaches. Samuel turns back to Blair. "Ok, lemme make sure I got this right. I just killed a ghost. You have a heart in your backpack. And you're all werewolves." He gestures wildly to the rest of the room.

Blair cringes. "Yeah no, I thought so too, but that's rude. They can control it, so. Shapeshifters."

"Right. Sorry." Samuel assumes, correctly, that the wolf who got its ass handed to him while defending Samuel is Zack. "Come here?" The wolf is briefly reluctant, but eventually approaches. Samuel pats it on the cheek. "Alright. This may as well be happening." The wold hesitantly wags its tail.

They all leave the house, and Samuel thinks to check his phone for the time. The date, however, is wrong. They've been trapped in that house for a day and a half. They immediately head back to the abandoned graveyard to complete their deal. Razaroth is a lot less formal now that there's no ritual involved in their conversation. Chet is returned in exchange for his heart, and Blair asks the questions relevant to her part of the bargain. Unfortunately, as he is answering to the best of his ability as stated in the contract, Razaroth doesn't actually provide any more useful information. Blair is briefly outraged, before she realizes that she too has a pact mark on her, amd and therefore can summon Razaroth as she pleases.

On the return hike, Samuel laments being the only squishy human in the group now, since "Blair is like I dont know a warlock or something". But Blair assures him that he's probably like their wizard now, the squishy thing to be protected. Samuel is...partially appeased.

They all head back to the dorms and Samuel pulls Zack aside now that he's human again to talk while everyone goes on ahead. Zack starts to apologize for not telling Samuel, but Samuel waves it off.

"Yeah, I've seen movies and shit. I know why you didn't want to tell me. Guess my boyfriend is just a wolf sometimes. That's life I guess."

Zack grins at the mention of the word boyfriend and Samuel tells him to shut up and get some rest and heal his probably broken ribs. They kiss and Samuel heads off to his dorm to get some rest before another day dawns and the murder mystery continues.

Samuel will likely have a breakdown later but right now he's a sleepy boy.

-End Session Two-

#spooktober

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meredith-alexandra-jane-blog · 7 years ago

Text

My Immortal: Beauty and the Beast Version Chapter 4

Chapter 4:

Summary:

Things get even stranger. (Warning: character death.)

.....................

Beasty Adam and I ran up the stairs looking for Clocksworth. We were so scared.

"Clocksworth! Clocksworth!" we both yelled. Clock came there.

"What is it that you want now you despicable snobs?" he asked angrily.

"Volsebeast has Gaston!" we shouted at the same time.

He laughed in an evil voice.

"No! Don't! We need to save Gaston!" we begged.

"No." he said meanly. "I don't give a darn what happens to Gaston. Not after how much he misbehaved in the castle especially with YOU LeFou." he said while he frowned looking at me. "Besides I never liked him much anyway." then he walked away. Beasty Adam started crying. "My Gaston!" he moaned. (AN: don't u fik gay guys r lik so hot!)

"It's okay!" I tried to tell him but that didn't stop him. He started to cry tears of blood. Then he had a brainstorm. "I had an idea!" he exclaimed.

"What?" I asked him.

"You'll see." He took out his wand and did a spell. Then... suddenly we were in Voldebreast's lair!

We ran in with our wands out just as we heard a croon voice say, "Avadre Q'uedarve!"

It was...Voldebeast!

WARNING: SUM OF DIS CHAPTA IS XTREMLY SCRAY. VIOWER EXCRETION ADVISED.

We ran to where Volcebeast was. It turned out that Voldebeast wasn't there.

Instead it was...STANLEY!

Except only he wasn't a Prep anymoar! Stanley loved me so much he was trying to turn to the right side witch is da DARK SIDE. He called himself Stanley Snaketail.

He was dressed all Goffic with a black corset with laces and red lace and black leather miniskirt and black high heel boots. He still wore his hair like Jean Travolta and in those curls but he had pale white foundation and black lipstick and eyeliner and skull earrings and snake tattoos (probly fake) he got from Madame de Goffik Garderoble, dammit! POSER! I was so angrey!

And he was hurting my GASTON!

Gaston was there crying tears of blood! Stanly was torturing him! Beasty and I ran in front of Stanley Snaketail.

"Rid my sight you despicable preps!" he said as we started shooting him with the gun he Then suddenly he looked at me and he fell down with a lovey-dovey look in his eyes.

"." he said. (he is 4 years yunger than me so hes not a pedofile ok)

"Huh?" I asked. "Lefou I love you will you have sex with me?" asked Stanley Snaketail. I started laughing crudely.

"What the frck? You torture my bf and then you expect me to fck you? Mon Dieu you're so fcked up you fcking bastard."

Then I looked up and saw...A FULL MOON.

That means it was tim fro me to transform! I transformd into a 5 foot 5 inch tall Werewolf with sparkling sharp fangz. Then with no self control and my conshence suppressed by my evil Werewolf mode, I jumped on Stanley Snaketail and bit him in the heart. Blood pored out of it like a fountain.

"Noooooooo!" he screamed. He started screaming and running around. Then he fell down and died.

Then I transformed back into my human self and saw that I murdered Stanley Snaketail. The full moon was hid behind clouds now. I brust into tears sadly.

{You see, even tho Stanley used to be a fckn prep, I still was attracted to him and liked him kinda. I even tolerated wen he played awful prep music on the radio back in Villaineuve in the tavern. Like Maroon Cinq, Bruno DeMars, Meghan LeTrainor, and especially the Grease soundtrack which he always sung.}

But I had to choose between him and Gaston. I still wanted to cry depressed tears tho.

"Stanley Snaketail what art thou doing?" called Voldebeast. Then... he started coming! We could hear his high heels clacking to us. So we got on our candlesticks and flew back to Beasty's castle. We went to my room. Beasty went away. There I started crying.

"What's wrong, honey?" asked Gaston taking off his clothes so we could screw. He had a sex-pack (geddit cause he's so sexah) and a really huge you-know-what and everything.

"It's so unfair!" I yielded. "Why can't I just be ugly or plain like all da other boys and girls and preps here except for B'loddy Belle and Beasty, they're not ugly or anything."

{The Real Author's Note: WTF does this have to do with the fact he just murdered someone? It is so hard to keep to the script. Crying tearz of blood. Please flam dis so that I don't have to continue warping my favorite Disney characters.}

"Why would you wanna be ugly? I don't like the preps anyway. They are such fcking sluts." answered Gaston.

"Yeah but everyone who is Ghey or Bye is in love with me! Like Clock and Loomiere took a video of me naked. Chapueau says he's in love with me. Beasty likes me and even Stanley Snaketail was in love with me and I murdered him! I just wanna be with you ok Gaston! Why couldn't Seten make me less beautiful?" I shouted angrily.

(an don't wory lefou isn't a snob or anyfing but a lot of ppl have told him he's pretty and cute. Even tho he's a little over weight he ain't no size 2 but he can shake it-shake it like that preppy bimbette Meghan LeTrainor sing.)

"Im good at too many things! WHY CAN'T I JUST BE NORMAL? IT'S A FRAKING CURSE!" I shouted and then I ran away.

{REAL Author again: Don't worry, LeFou. If 'Seten' won't make you unattractive, the 1991 Walt Disney Animation Studios will. ;) }

AN: stup flaming ok! btw u suk frum no on evry tm sum1 flams me im gonna slit mah ristsz! fangs 2 raven 4 hlpein!

"LeFou! LeFou!" shouted Gaston sadly. "No, please come back!"

But I was too mad.

"Whatever! Now you can go an have sex with Beasty!" I shouted. I stormed into my room and closed my black door with my blood-red key. It had a picture of M'arilyn L'Maison on it. He looked so sexy in a way that reminded me of Gaston and Beastly. I started to cry and weep. I took a razor and started to slit my wrists. I drank the blood all depressed. (sorry Real Author.) Then I looked at my GC watch and noticed it was time to go to B'loody Belle's Reading class.

I put on a short ripped black gothic vest that said Le Anarchy on the front in blood red letters and was all ripped and had a spiky belt. Below that I put on ripped black fishnets and boots that said Gaston all over them in blood red letters. No pants just fishnets. I put my ebony black hair out. Anyway I went downstairs to the big Library feeling all sad and depressed as usual. I did some advanced Steakspear literary work (cuz I am no longer illeterate fangz to B'loody Belle) I doodled pictures with gothic ink on my parchment. I was turning a bloody pentagram into a black guitar. Suddenly the guitar turned into Gaston!

"LeFou I love you!" he shouted sadly. "I don't care what those preps and posers fink. U da most beautiful Ghey boy in da Disney Worl. Before I met you I wanted to commit suicide all the time. Now I just wanna be with you all the fcking time. I fcking love you." Then... he started to sing "Da Chronicles of La Vie et Mort" (we considered it our song cuz we fell in love when Jacques was singing it) right in front of the entire Library! His singing voice was so amazing and gothic and sexxy like a cross between Gerard, Jacques, Chester, Pierre, M'arilyn L'Maison, and specially Luke Evans (AN: don u fink dos guyz r so hot. If u dnot no who dey r thn get da fk out od hr!)

"OMFG!" I said after he was finished. Some frcking preps in the Library stared at us but I just stuck up my middle fingers (that were covered in black nail polish and were entwined with Gaston's now) at them. And I yelled "IT'S NEVER GONNA HAPPEN U FRKING POSERS!" so loud that the top books from the 300th shelf of the Library fell down.

Plumette that feather lady screamed. Her bf Loomiere (always a perv) laughed in the French way like 'hon hon hon!' and Plumette slapped him with her feather. They are preps but I tink they can be converted someday specially Plumette if she change her white feathers to black like Raven.

Anyway, Gaston.

"I love you" I said and then we started to kiss just like Hillary Derriere (I fkn h8 dat bich) and CML in a Cinderella Story. Then we went away holding hands. Loomiere shouted 'hon hon hon' at us and everyone was clapping because how sexy we looked 2gether. Then I saw a poster saying that MCL would have a concert in Porcs-Hydromel right then. We looked at each other all shocked and then we went 2gether.

#gafou #gafou au #gafou trash #parody fic #my immortal #not sure if i want to continue because it gets stupider and i cant fit batb characters into it in a logical way at all

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