#i did a bad job really discussing but i promised myself that i would restrict this post to a few bullet points

[queenlucythevaliant]

I read Lolita a couple weeks ago now. Here are my thoughts:

This book is fascinating. I couldn't shut up about it. The drive to keep reading was squarely in between the one that keeps me reading someone like Falkner (this book is being held together with some incredible mystery adhesive that I must identify/drizzle all over myself) and like. the high I got when I read Atlas Shrugged in 9th grade (I don't like it exactly, but it makes my brain light up as though I've just discovered quarks and now must figure out how to articulate my findings.)

Basically, reading this book is an exercise in reading past the narrator and trying to find scraps of the other characters (especially Dolores) in what he bothers to tell us. It's like panning for gold in a bunch of muck. It's a very active, almost athletic reading experience, if that makes sense.

The beauty of Dolores peeking through all Humbert's mud is that of an ordinary little girl brimming with quiet courage and irrepressible dignity. Dolores Hayes manages to hold her ground against Humbert's best efforts to subsume her and I ended the book just viscerally angry on her behalf. The prevailing sense that I had on finishing Lolita was one of deep injustice.

Nabokov is a treat as always (I've read and loved Speak, Memory and some of Letters to Vera, but this was my first foray into his fiction). The prose was appallingly clever and there were a few little storytelling tricks he pulled that had me all but cackling. The craft of this book is next level.

Reading it was exhausting. I do not think I could have gotten through it had it not been the middle of summer.

[serenefreakgeekao3]

*cracks fingers* okay. So. Drarry anger #9 that leads into bliss #5

9. “What gives you the right?”  -> 5. “Kiss me again.” 

Words: 994

Pairing: Draco Malfoy/Harry Potter

Draco stormed through the floo, growling under his breath and fighting with the buttons on his restricting dress robes. He was halfway through them, shaking one arm out of his sleeve when he heard the floo roar behind him.

"Draco-"

"Fuck off kindly, Potter." Draco finally unclasped the last button, freeing half his body and pulling his last arm roughly out of the fabric. He scrunched it into a resemblance of a ball and threw it down the hallway toward his room. He'd pick it up later (and probably curse himself out for letting the expensive robes get wrinkled), but for now he walked to the left side of the room toward the bar, slamming a whiskey glass down onto the counter and looking through his bottles.

"Potter, now, huh? Did I really piss you off that badly?" Draco hummed as he thought, raising a hand to run against the bottles. Perhaps a good aged whiskey, but would be prefer the darker or lighter sort? "Stop ignoring me Draco, I want to talk about this." Draco tilted his head as he considering before grabbing a random bottle off the shelf and placing it on the bar next to his glass.

Moving to taking the stopper off, a hand clasped his own wrist and he huffed out a breath. "I thought I told you to leave me alone, Potter."

"No, you said to go away. I ignored it." Harry replied, and Draco could feel him standing directly behind him, his hand tightening on his wrist. "And I think we should discuss this sober."

"Discuss what, you neanderthal?" Draco yanked his hand out of Harry's grip, turning and walking away from the bar to get some breathing room. He could never think if he was standing too close to Harry. "Discuss the fact that you went behind my back? Discuss the fact that you had promised not to go on that mission? Discuss the fact that not only did you go on that damned mission but you came late to the Ministry Ball, limping and saying that you had to be there otherwise I would've been mad at you?" Draco sneered, shaking his head.

"Yes, that." Harry nodded, shifting the weight off of his injured leg subtly, though of course Draco noticed. Draco always noticed Harry. "Let's just calmly-"

"Calmly? Like how we calmly discussed why that mission was a bad idea? Like how you calmly told me you wouldn't do it before going behind my back?"

"Look I-"

"No, Potter!" Draco yelled, taking a deep breath to try and compose himself and lift his walls up once again, just like mother taught. "You could've at least told me you were going, I would've gone with you and-"

"No!" Harry yelled, causing Draco to flinch slightly before furrowing his brows angrily. Harry seemed to realize what he did, clearing his throat and letting out a breath. "I wasn't going to let you do that. To risk your life like that."

"What gives you the right?" Draco hissed, taking a step toward him with narrowed eyes. "To tell me what I can and cant do? To keep me from my damn job, Potter."

"Please, enough with the Potter-"

"Well I obviously dont know you well enough to call you Harry, do I? I thought I did." Harry flinched, eyes widening before letting out a large breath. When he finally spoke it was in whispers, and Draco calmed down slightly from the sound of them.

"Draco, please understand. I couldnt let you go there. They knew you, they wanted you. If no one had gone on the mission, they would've found some other way to get to you, some other way that we wouldn't know about. But I knew they were there. That they were all in one place and that I could protect you-"

"Why are you always trying to protect me, Harry," Draco whispered, taking another few steps toward him and sighing in defeat. "You know I can handle myself."

Harry grimaced, bringing a hand up to his chest, "I don't- It's just-" He clenched his hand, taking a deep breath, "It's this feeling I have. I need to protect the ones I love, I have to. I've lost so much in the war- I can't- I-" he cuts himself off, breathing heavily and refusing to make eye contact with Draco.

Draco let out a breath slowly, trying to calm his racing heart. He lifted a hand slowly, placing it on Harry's cheek. "Harry, look at me." He felt Harry's hesitation before the man turned his head and finally met his eyes. They were so full of emotion, and Draco could easily drown in them all. "Harry, did you just say you loved me?"

Harry hesitated once more, his Adam's apple bobbing slightly before he let out a soft puff of breath. "Yes. I love you Draco. And I understand that you don't, or if you want a new partner who's not as reckless, if-"

Draco chuckled lightly as he rambled before cutting him off by pressing their lips together. Draco kissed him, pushing all of his own love into the kiss, even as Harry stood there taken aback for a few seconds. But when Harry finally realized, his arms immediately wrapped around Draco and pulled him in, his mouth devouring Draco in response. Draco leaned heavily into Harry, kissing with everything he had until he finally had to come up for air. He stood there, breathing deeply and smiling widely. Harry looked dazed, and leaned forward immediately before Draco pulled back just out of kissing range.

"Kiss me again?" Harry whispered, the want pooled so greatly in his eyes that it's all Draco could see anymore. Draco smirked, chuckling softly.

"I will. But only after you get your leg checked out by St Mungos." Harry immediately turned, grabbing Draco's hand and walking toward the floo, a handful of powder in his hand within ten seconds.

((First off, y'all ordered anger prompts so y'all get arguements lmao. Is it angst season? Also Shiewolf, thank you so much for always supporting me. I see you in my notes and ask box and messages all the time and I appreciate you so much, I really do. I'm sorry if I dont show it enough. You're great, and thank you.))

[radramblog]

Shameless self-promotion (kinda)

I’ve kinda been meaning to talk about other things what I do, so here’s a bit of that, I guess. I should probably get used to talking myself up, seeing as I am actively on the job hunt at the moment.

It’s worth noting that even as this post is titled “self-promotion”, this blog is really the only public content I am making that is just me, myself, and I. The things I’m going to be discussing have me contributing, but I’m not like a lead organisational entity or what have you.

It’s also worth noting that these are some instances of some Niche Nerd Shit. So keep that in mind. If you don’t like Magic: The Gathering or Pokemon, I’ve got bad news for you.

Might as well go in the order I just put up.

Commander’s Herald is a website that I believe was formed kind of as an offshoot in part to EDHREC’s Articles section, as a hub for deck techs and columns about MTG’s Most Popular Format (it’s official!). I’m not sure how well this is going to go for them, but it’s been chugging along since the start of the year without having the backup EDHREC has of, you know, being attached to an incredibly useful database, so fair enough.

I am not a writer for Commander’s Herald, to be clear. I don’t know if I play enough of the format to really contribute something useful on a weekly/fortnightly basis, even though I do talk about the game weekly on this very blog.

What I was a part of was the CUT! series run by one Travis Stanley on the site. It’s effectively a contest about creative deckbuilding under tight-ish restrictions- as an example, the first round required a deck with only Standard cards, 10+ Artifacts, and a Commander (or pair) from Commander Legends. It’s been really interesting how these have turned out so far, and the concept sounded really fun to me, so I put myself down to be part of the…show?

Many months later, I got my shot in as part of the fifth heat (though I think each round is completely separate), tying in to the release of D&D: Adventures in the Forgotten Realms- thus I had to build a deck with a commander built around that. I’m not going to go into it that deeply, since part of the contest is writing up a 800-900ish word dech teck to go with the list, but you can find the article here.

My Drizzt Do’Urden list did, in fact, make me go to the finals, for which the post (and new decklist and post) can be found here. It’s probably too early to tell at time of writing, but it looks like I have a solidly commanding (heh) lead to win that too with my Minn list, so that’s pretty sick.

I do enjoy this sort of creative build challenge a lot. It’s reminding me of my first Cube build, where my options were heavily restricted because of, well, myself (and yet it ended up not being cheap), and it gives me a great excuse to strut my particular brand of deckbuilding. In this case, to a somewhat larger audience than this blog gets.

Speaking of slightly larger audiences, I suppose I should talk about the podcast I’ve been on, The Writer’s Locke.

While I’ve mentioned the Nuzlocke Forums multiple times on this blog, I haven’t really gone into the weeds of it- I’m thinking of making a much grander post about it in future. But I am a longtime lurker of said forums, and due to the marginally increased presence of Aussie dorks, gravitated towards the writers/storylockes corners of the site’s membership.

In case it wasn’t obvious from me maintaining a very silly blog for a decently long time, I’ve felt for a while that writing was probably my most viable creative outlet, and as a result, I’ve felt for a while that I should contribute something to this corner of the internet, considering how much it means to me. Unfortunately, I’m about as confident in my creative writing skills as I am my saxophone skills (in that it’s been a very long while since I tried and I’m not sure I had any promise then), I’m terrible at starting and committing to projects, and I’m pretty shy, so I haven’t really gotten anywhere on that front.

However, an opportunity arose when some of said Aussie Dorks started to organise a podcast by and for the membership of this community. A half-audiobook half-discussion series that is utterly and extremely devoted to niche Pokemon fanfiction. For the first season, I ended up in the latter (discussion) half of that spectrum for three episodes, bringing somewhat of an outsider’s perspective to the whole thing- after all, even if I have been part of the community for many years now, that doesn’t mean I know jack or shit about how to write things and what makes stories good. (I mean, I know a bit, but yknow). I’ll link the forum posts for those episodes here, though they should be available on most podcast-based platforms:

-Episode 8, where we discussed Protagonists,

-Episode 9, where the topic was, of all things, Gijinkas,

-and Episode 10, which was about Worldbuilding.

The second season of the cast is still ongoing, albeit after a bit of a hiatus (life happens, baby), and for this one I’m signed up not as a discusser but as a reader for one of the fics that makes up the audiobook section of the podcast. In particular, I’m reading Carousel, a very low-Pokemon high-feelings, nonstandard sort of piece, and I believe the one that headlines every episode in the season. Like, for some they’ll just do a couple chapters and leave the rest for you to go through, such that we can show off multiple people’s voices and multiple people’s writing in one season of podcast, but seeing as Carousel has relatively short chapters and neatly fits one per planned episode of the cast, we’ve just got me doing the whole thing of it.

Being on a podcast, even one as ultimately low-key as this one, has been a bit of an interesting experience. Recording those discussion segments with Rainey and Garchomp (who also happens to be Carousel’s writer) was a lot of fun, and though it’s a bit more stressful, I am having a good time lending my voice to the story. If nothing else, it’s decent practice for D&D and the like, though I’m still convinced that my voice for Suicune (iirc she’s supposed to sound, like, “smoky”, which is not a thing my voice does) is pretty terrible. Considering how awkward the protagonist is, though, I think I’m a good fit for that at the very least.

I wouldn’t actually know, though. I haven’t listened to any of the episodes with my voice work in them. I know not liking the sound of your own voice is fairly common, since you don’t sound how you think you do, but I find hearing my own voice bloody abrasive. I was thinking about writing a whole post about it, actually, but I guess this is that. I was kind of hoping that this whole process would get me more used to it, but that hasn’t happened so far, obviously. I would like to be on a more casual podcast at some point, it seems like a lot of fun, although adding to the legion of white_dude_with_podcast.wav feeds isn’t really something I’m the most interested in.

Oh right here’s some links.

-Episode 1, where I read chapter 1,

-Episode 2, chapter 2,

-etc, etc. We’re currently up to the 6th episode of the 10-episode season, for reference.

I guess that’s it, there’s only really the two of them so far. Ultimately, while I’m much lower on free time than I used to be, I would like to be producing more I the realm of #content. As long as it keeps being fun and interesting, I want to be doing it. I guess it’s just a question of how long that ends up being, and how I find myself doing it.

But I think that’s a problem for future me.

[avengerofiron]

trade mistakes || self para

summary: following tony’s flouting of accords jurisdiction by not only enabling iron fist’s escape but actively fighting back against other registered enforcers, general ross’s pr manager comes to make sure he knows what the costs will be. when: a few days before the siege of new york trigger warnings: murder mentions, alcoholism, drink driving, cancer mention

Anaya Ortega was a very well educated woman. Of course, letters after your name didn’t exactly speak as to how impressive you may or may not be, Tony knew that from personal experience moving through the ranks at MIT, but they were usually a pretty solid foundation. Harvard educated, decades spent defending various celebrities from trumped up or entirely valid claims as a defence attorney, and then a deviation into public relations. Tony could almost predict what shoes she would be wearing when she turned up for this meeting. Expensive, as a given. Painfully impractical, to send a message. Neutral tones, to advocate practicality, despite the fact she had maybe two outfits that would work with them before they were thrown into a box in the back of her walk in closet and forgot about. Impressive as she walked in, ultimately forgettable after she walked out.

The sound of heels against marble floors echoed through his already aching head, causing Tony to look up to meet sharp brown eyes. True to form, his gaze went down — not to where most people would expect of Tony Stark, but he so rarely conformed to expectations. No, they went straight to her shoes, which were …

Pumps, not stilettos. Louboutins, for a statement.

Maybe he was losing his touch.

“Mr. Stark,” she said, and Tony glanced up once more.

“Ms. Ortega,” he replied. “I thought we’d have the pleasure of knowing each other for a few more minutes before you started sounding so … exasperated.”

“You’ve given me quite a bit to work on these past few months.” Her smile was tight, her words clipped. She didn’t even hesitate before coming right back at him. Oh, he should hire her. “Whatever you’re thinking right now, I guarantee you I’m not interested.”

Tony let out a huff of a laugh, hands going up in mock surrender. “Taken man,” he said. “I was admiring your tenacity, Ms.—”

The file in her arms thumped onto the desk between them. “Should we get down to the reason I’m here?” Ortega asked, eyebrow raised. “I’m an extremely busy woman — and I’m sure there are other things you would rather be doing.”

Snappy. Tony could work with snappy.

“Sure thing, darling,” he said, leaning back in his chair. “You want a drink? We’re all friends here, have a—”

“I don’t think that would be in keeping with the spirit of our conversation, Mr. Stark. Besides.” Another tight smile. “I’m five years sober.”

He hadn’t seen that coming, either. Was it the stress? The double vodka sans mixer he’d downed before the meeting? Was it, and he shuddered to even think, old age?

(Was it cancer?)

“Congratulations,” he said. “Hard thing to keep up.”

“It was either stop drinking, or lose my wife and career. I still lost my wife but … we’re here.”

“Oh.” He didn’t pick up on that, either. “You still wear the ring.”

“Remarried.”

“Ah. Makes—”

She didn’t sit down. She didn’t move at all, but it was clear the conversation had shifted. “I’m sure you know why General Ross has sent me, but as part of the official review board it’s an obligation to state for the record why we’re meeting today.”

“Wait.” Tony frowned, leaning forward slightly on his elbows. “I thought you were P.R.”

“And legal,” she replied. Tight smile number three. “I’m here because you blatantly and willfully subverted multiple laws that you personally had a hand in enforcing.”

“Well I don’t—”

“Lying to me won’t get you anywhere. The other enforcers were very clear about what happened that day. And to continue with that clarity, Mr. Stark, I do not care for your reasons. I don’t want to hear about what heroic feat Iron Fist was accomplishing, or how you thought you were fighting the good fight. Those justifications might work on former teammates, friends, the general public — but they won’t work on me. Do you know why that is?”

“I have a feeling you’re about to tell me.”

“You have a history of doing exactly this,” Ortega explained, so matter of fact. (It was fact, but she said it as if it was written all over Tony’s face.) “Please see documents one through fifteen.”

Tony looked down at the file, then back up at Ortega. She gestured with an open palm, so he flicked the front of the file open. Documents glared up at him from 2009 — before 2009. Newspaper clippings, photos of him stumbling out of clubs, headshots from police stations. Tiberius was there. Rumiko too. And then Iron Man, and a story about Obadiah dying tragically in a plane accident in the Maldives, and then the Navy trawler he infiltrated against Fury’s recommendations, and the Avengers Initiative, and Romanoff’s report excluding him from the same …

SHIELD’s secrets were leaked to the world in D.C. Tony did his clean up, but Ortega found the gaps. He was almost impressed.

“You promise one thing,” she said, gesturing to the document stating Tony refused the consultant’s position within SHIELD, “and then you do another.” A clipping of him falling from the sky, post wormhole. “You actively fight to make things right.” Tony’s signature on the Accords’ first draft. “Then you find a way to make them worse.” The airport fight. The Avengers’ dissolution. Ultron.

He couldn’t say she didn’t have a point.

“But the thing that had me begging Ross to let me come here in his place,” she said, “is this.” She flicked through to a police report — and another one — and another one. 1986. 1988. 1989. 1990. “Lack of judgement, Mr. Stark. Lack of propriety. When I got drunk, I hurt myself. When you get drunk, you hurt everyone else. How many DUIs, exactly, did Daddy bail you out of? Because that’s what happened, isn’t it?”

Ice crept into his veins. There was a room, dark and in the back of the police station, and Rumiko was someplace else and he knew it, and they knew it, and they knew that it would only take so long before a stern man in sunglasses and a non-descript suit appeared and pressed a hundred bucks into their hands. It became something of a game, for Tony and the cops. How much money could he make his old man spend? How many times could they get a new car on the back of that Stark kid being a moron?

Then Howard died, and bail became Jarvis, tired and with sad eyes, driving him home in silence. Bail became Sharon, not talking about it, an agreement never to mention it to Peggy. Bail became Rhodes, in military dress and profoundly pissed off. Bail became Pepper, bright red spots on her cheeks, refusing to meet his eye.

He got better, when he got older. He got better, by the time he went into the cave, about drinking at home, in private, or at least to an extent in public that didn’t require his family to come drag him from another press nightmare.

He never expected it to bite him in the ass.

“You had an illness that impacted your ability to pilot the suit safely,” Ortega said. “The high court granted me permission to access health records as part of this investigation.You were having seizures, Mr. Stark. Memory lapses. You might tell me your memory lapses are on a higher level than most people’s normal functioning, but that’s not really the point, is it? You have a suit capable of mass level destruction. You operated it against advice. You operated it ill, and you operated it intoxicated.”

“You can’t take the suit,” Tony said, which wasn’t what he should’ve said at all. He knew that, even before he saw Ortega’s expression sour. He knew it, but he couldn't get any other words out. He almost felt like a child, felt as helpless as he had in the cave, because his entire miserable life was laid out in front of him, and all the good he had done didn’t matter when compared to all the bad. “I’m Iron Man. You can’t take my suit.”

“We aren’t taking the suit,” Ortega said. “You’re right. We can’t. You’d just rebuild.” She paused, just for a moment. “But there has to be consequences for these actions — for these decisions, Mr. Stark. Iron Man will have to work under further restrictions, be monitored more closely, check in and maintain constant contact with the Panel during patrols—”

“Thrilling.”

“And we will have to bring our concerns to the board,” she finished. Lead sunk in Tony’s stomach. “No specifics. I don’t have authorization to disseminate my findings to other parties. But the question over your judgement and suitability for this position will, ultimately, extend to your position as head of research and development at Stark Industries.”

“It’s my company. It’s my father’s company.”

Ortega’s eyes narrowed. “Yes, and there are a lot of people within its walls who rely on having a boss who can make appropriate choices. You are a Stark — but that’s not enough anymore.”

Tony looked down at the file. He could justify the Navy boat. The Avenging. Ultron, to an extent, though his existence still burned within him. Who he was before the cave, that man who Yinsen hated before developing a begrudging respect … Tony couldn’t argue for his sake.

He couldn’t argue for Tony Stark right now, either. Iron Man was a good part, the best part, but …

How many people had looked at him and had their reflections in that gleaming mask as the last thing they’d see? How many of them could he even remember if pushed?

(All of them. That wasn’t the point.)

“You can’t continue being judge, jury and executioner when you can’t even judge appropriately, Mr. Stark,” Ortega said. She closed the file, picking it up once more. “The board review will be in a week’s time. The Panel will be meeting to discuss your progress on a regular basis. At any time, we may also be liable to bring in criminal prosecutions. Those enforcers you fought against deserve justice, too. They were just doing their jobs.”

He should say something. He was Tony fucking Stark, saying something sharp and cutting and ironically funny was his goddamn modus operandi. But he couldn’t.

Ortega nodded once, sharply, then moved towards the door. “I hope,” she said, and he couldn’t force himself to look up, “that you find a way to get back on your feet, Mr. Stark. You really do provide hope to a lot of people. Let one of them be you.”

The door shut behind her and for what wasn’t the first time, Tony was alone in a marble floored office, generous glass of whiskey in hand.

[ahsokalivesbitch]

Are you for or against Jedi, even in spite of their mistakes?

Okay so I’m going to have to sincerely beg your pardon forbringing my own personal religion/spirituality into this discussion, but itabsolutely plays a role in how I view the Jedi, and the question of whether Ithink it’s important this saga have the Order eventually reestablished, orwhether it really and truly is ‘time for the Jedi to end’. I am in no waytrying to push my religion on anybody else, or even trying to coerce anybody toagree with me about the Jedi. This isall, 100%, just me expressing my own personal thoughts and observations. Iunderstand if others don’t agree with them.

Philosophically speaking, I am a very proud, you might even say ‘devout’,Christian. I’m also proudly bisexual,devoutly feminist, pro-gay and transgender rights, pro-abortion, anti-capitalist,and a lot of things certain people would have you believe is decidedly non-Christian. 

In my own very personal study of religious philosophy, I don’t believethat my stance on any of the aforementioned issues is in any way incongruentwith the teachings of my Lord. In fact it’s the exact opposite for me: I amcompletely and irrevocably convinced that my God has always and will alwaysstand on the side of the marginalized and oppressed.

That’s not to say I’m unaware of the very real and veryproblematic ideas espoused by certain other figures in the Bible. Or the rolemany powerful religious institutions have and continue to play in upholdingoppressive attitudes rather than tearing them down. While I’ve never feltcompelled to give up my faith of choice, as I don’t blame God for humans whoexercise their free will to be shitbags, I’ve certainly wondered whether itwould be best for me to give up the title ‘Christian’ and all the baggage thattends to come with it. Rebrand myself as something else to better distancemyself from these ‘communities’ who dedicate themselves to things I cannot reconcilewith the God I know. And I know I’m not alone. Hell, even William P. Young,author of the bestselling novel “The Shack”, incorporated a very candidconversation into his book where Jesus bluntly asks the main character, “Do Ilook like a ‘Christian’ to you, Mack?” Honestly, that line hit home for me in a very real way.

But what has kept me from turning my back on the legacy ofChristianity altogether is the fact that my religion is not a monolith. Not all priests and pastors arebible-thumping, fire-and-brimstone-spewing judgmental monsters who want nothingmore than to put the fear of hell into you. Many if not most are very genuinein their desire to serve and help others, and I’ve had the fortune of connectingwith a number of them who not only welcome LGBTQ individuals like myself intotheir churches with open arms, but also proudly perform gay and lesbian weddings,rebuke discrimination and denial of women’s reproductive rights from theirpulpits, and advocate openly for gay and transgender rights.

On a more broader level, for centuries there have been innumerable churches around the world who devote countless time, money,and resources to feeding and clothing the poor, sheltering the homeless, providingresources to single mothers and orphans, providing sanctuary for hunted-down immigrantsand refugees, helping abandoned and abused animals. There also have and continue tobe MANY Christian minority groups (not just in America) who were able to drawupon the religion as inspiration to push back against their oppressors and succeed. There were thousands ofChristians present at the Women’s March, Black Lives Matter, and Muslim banprotests this past year alone.

On a very personal level—both times my sister was diagnosed withcancer, not a day went by when she didn’t receive a letter, phone call, goodiebasket, you name it, from one of her pastors or fellow parishioners. Wheresomebody didn’t offer to come and help her watch the kids, clean the house,cook her food, whatever she needed.

Two months ago I came to receive the very same response from myown Christian friends when my father was diagnosed with bladder cancer.

I’m in no way suggesting Christians deserve giant gold medals fromthe rest of the world for any of this. This, in my opinion, is just doing their fucking job. But these acts do matter, even in the shadow of all the horrible thingsother, more powerful institutions who use the Christian ™ label to advancetheir shitty causes perpetuate. Because they demonstrate that being a judgmental,small-minded, holier-than-thou hypocrite is not inherently some ‘consequence’ of what itmeans when you decide to become ‘Christian’. In fact the true purpose of thereligion always has been just theopposite.

So tying all of this into my view of the Jedi—it’s very hard toargue that, just from the stuff we’ve seen in the films/tv shows themselves,the Jedi Order didn’t operate under some pretty fucked-up ideals. Separatingchildren from their parents at infancy? Forbidding emotional attachment,marriage, a family of one’s own forever?That’s downright deplorable! And the canon itself frames how this directly leadto a number of people who couldn’t possiblyfit into such restrictive ‘ideals’ turning to the Dark Side of the Force,Anakin Skywalker himself being the most notable example. Based on all this, I understand entirely where certain peoplecome from when they think it might be better if Rey just dumps the mantle of ‘Jedi’altogether and starts an entirely new institution. Just like some days Iwish I could come up with a new way of framing my religious identity other than‘Christian’.

But here’s the thing—the Jedi also did a lot of things RIGHT. Theyespoused selflessness, serving the needs of the weak and helpless first, compassion, justice, therestoration of peace, fighting for the rights of those threatened by fascistideals, and using their abilities to defend others rather than gain any sort ofpower over them. You could also be literally ANY species or gender under the sun to be welcomed into their fold  and climb high in their ranks. They pushed back ceaselessly against greedy, opportunist, discriminating and oppressive forces in all forms and fought and gave their lives to try and uphold aRepublic that, while arguably equally flawed, at least stood resolutely fordemocratic ideals and equality among all species.

One of the things I LOVED LOVED LOVED most about Luke’scharacter development over the course of the OT is that he recognizes where his masters’ old ways of interpreting the will ofthe Force failed, while not forgetting where he also very much succeeded in learning from them. Becauseyes, the training and encouragement he receives from Ben in ANH (however brief)was absolutely ESSENTIAL to his ability to “trust the Force” and ultimately destroythe first Death Star. In TESB, his journey with the Force continues to be strengthenedexponentially by Yoda’s insistence he must forget all the arbitrary limitations convention taught him to believe about himself.That moment in the swamps of Dagobah where Yoda lifts the X-Wing after Luke’sattempt failed is very powerful, because it is here that Luke FINALLY learns heneeds to stop doubting himself, dammit tosucceed.

But even in spite of all that, Luke never, not once capitulatesto his masters’ insistence that he have to let go of all emotional attachmentfor good to win the day. He knowsintrinsically this is wrong. And ultimately it is his refusal to adhere tothis faulty principal, to abandon his friends in their time of need or killVader even when not one but TWO of his masters tell him he must (one frombeyond the grave), that ultimately leads to the long-promised achievement ofBalance in the Force. “I am a Jedi—like myfather before me.” It’s a very multilayered statement because he’s not justsaying ‘I’m a Jedi like my Dad’. He’s also saying “Like my Dad, I’m a Jedi whoembraces unconditional love and attachment, even in the face of my destruction”.

Because he KNOWS the Old Jedi’s interpretation of this issuewasn’t just wrong, it was actually downright COUNTER to what the Light Side ofthe Force really stands for (again, it was his unwavering love for his fatherthat brought him BACK TO THE LIGHT). But he doesn’t throw the baby out with thebath water either! He had enough insight to understand (before Disney and RianJohnson screwed this up for UNFATHOMABLE reasons), the best way to proceed inthe Force is to build on all the goodthat the Jedi espoused and accomplished, while preening away all the bad elementsat the same damn time.

Because, when you come down to it, if every successive generationjust throws away everything the previous generations learned and accomplishedbecause of how muddied or imperfect their general approach was in retrospect, nothing gets built. No legacies stand. Invaluablelessons inevitably get lost along the way as we just dismiss all of ourancestors’ insights as ‘meaningless’. And ultimately what would happen isanything anyone would attempt to build would just get burned to the ground over and over again as every humaninstitution tries and fails to achieve perfection. That’s not how people themselves work. We don’t abandon everything we are every time we realizewe need a major shift in our world view. We build upon all that we’ve already learned and experienced throughout ourlives, keep the good while casting off all the toxic bullshit. So why shouldour institutions be in any way different?

So yes, I am very much pro-Jedi, in spite of their many, many egregious mistakes. In fact(and this was actually a very good message that would have been SO MUCH BETTER COMMUNICATEDhad it not been delivered in the context of Luke’s shitty character retrograde)I DO believe failure is an invaluable teacher and absolutely 100% necessary ifany institution or humanity as a whole is to grow and improve on what camebefore. What I WANTED to see Luke achieve, but hopefully we’ll see through Rey,is a Jedi Order that, while probably never ‘perfect’, learns how to balancelove, family, and attachment while never abandoning the virtues of selflessnessand commitment to justice, compassion, and equality the Jedi always dedicatedthemselves to. There’s a beautiful legacyalongside all the fuckery there and, imo, it doesn’t deserve to be burned away alongwith all of the bad.

[thecoroutfitters]

I has been delayed this morning simply by One hour. They are the procrastinators that need concentrates on to www.unt.edu hold prompted. Just about the most widespread your woman sorted because deadliners. I’ve tried trance, meditation, notes, etcetera. Bring a magazine, call someone a person haven’t talked to in a while, or perhaps check out your current agenda for a few days. People normally understand multiple lateness individuality. Even so, if someone else is definitely past due, lifestyle the remainder military hang on giving you, simply just so they might take; but while they could hesitate along with skip chow, meals is part to your Affiliate marketer.

When you’re late, an individual decrease the value of your own manufacturer. “Well of course only were being an important purchaser this might donrrrt you have occurred in the first place.” And so your woman kept as well as worked out the condition causing us to be Six min’s later for that planned visit. In the Army (in almost any side branch to become much more precise) tardiness is unacceptable, and so due to being https://www.mei.edu/experts/abbas-assi on moment is important. There isn’t need to present suggestions about ways to perform occasion, since everybody knows tips on how to be on moment. Below you’ll uncover Six methods for currently being timely. Accomplish this: Every time your companion is definitely overdue by simply 15 minutes or more, the lady will pay for delicacy. “well you are in this article now, that’s what matters” he / she responded happily.

Why Perform Moment? We have witnessed an abundance of a few things i have been dying to complete me personally i always include omitted connected with to the penalties associated with no one nonetheless my family. I didn’t desire to stroke the idea within, so I only reported, “Here are generally all of our cards” and also handed down on them but she recognized she’d neglected these but we all in no way gave a talk of the usb ports. Any time you don’t display on time, you’re causing your friends to complete your job and unique. In its place, come with an truthful discussion – just before you’re totally frustrated – and a few guidelines. Distractibility is believed to get a genetic time frame and might include full-blown add for you to not liable flakiness.

We are Cydcor, a accepted chief within contracted gross sales companies situated in Agoura Hillsides, Ohio. In case you show up missed by way of Ten mins to at least one issue plus 30 minutes to a different one, the main problem is probably technical. Knowing the potential side effects regarding lateness as well as tardiness, it is crucial with regard to solutions to end up being implemented. With today’s world locating a new job is not really always easy. doubts i’d viewed this particular sooner thanks just for this & a person’s information on how to quit stalling & the reason it occurs. Does this kind of happen to you every morning? Is definitely “Do stop overdue to college!” or perhaps “You are usually overdue all over again!” everything you hear from friends and family and also instructors? Next, writing a strong essay on getting late will probably be a very useful work for anyone.

Liability is a good feature to have nonetheless it merely is sold with punctuality. THE UNTHINKABLE! The single thing your lover always belittled me personally for! Standard excuses, you name it. We didn’t neglect everything crucial, and if there was a celebration important I would not have already been. Just one knight remaining overdue will make the particular program completely disturbed. Should your employer possibly there is, overlook the marketing. Nino School with Bamban Included thinks about a person late if the student occurs after the hunt marriage ceremony (Star trek online Nino School regarding Bamban Involved Scholar Information 2017-2018).

In instance you continue to require reasons why you should perform time, allow me to share Several major models: To find out how the item believes. It will be your work to go by the actual requests of those hired previously mentioned a person if they will be legitimate and also meaningful. I had lotto tickets to your Oscars two years uninterruptedly. This allows other individuals to plan the daily activities correctly. You have to be timely within all you could conduct.

Usually apologizing/making justifications – I’m often apologizing as past due to someone. In addition, it will make you efficient to try to get ambitions when they are shown to an individual. believe inspiring feelings in my situation. Punctuality teaches you are responsible, genuine which enable it to comply with information. You point out stuff has been around the mind but didn’t be aware how you can communicate.

Change Your thinking About Currently being Early. A lot of people think that those who find themselves vital maintain people waiting. For that reason, becoming early on can be a sign that certain isn’t crucial. And no one desires to feel immaterial. On the other hand, currently being beginning is really a manifestation of organization, having admire persons, and having good time management knowledge. That are common personality connected with essential people today. Keep telling your self, “Important folks are timely.”

When You’re And not on Time frame, You’re Stealing: When time is actually funds, and then by simply showing up a few minutes late you’ve merely stolen something worthwhile from your body else, that isn’t a powerful way to get started just about any crucial small business mediation. Another person feels like they’ve presently provided some thing, thus they’re not seeing that prone to give you more.

Indicates which you recognition your promises and you can now become trusted

Be Wanting to Wait. People ordinarily don’t try to be early on given that they think enough time that they spend watching for some others can be wasted time period. That is certainly, they like being missed in lieu of acquiring while relaxing. The important thing to help alleviating this particular problem is going to be ready to have got to hang on. Hanging around moment doesn’t must be lost moment. When you get there beginning for a client’s household, most likely the carer at the move previous to your own house may have the perfect time to offer you an revise, as well as in addition supply you with a buffer of their time to get your elements in the home by using another health professional present.

“Punctual persons do not BPE critical review essays understand. Most people reverence lateness for a modest and pardonable offense and infrequently yield to help events blatantly past due, ready for another party to easily forgive these folks. Are you an staff exactly who valuations standing on time frame? Enroll in our team! Zero reward.

There exists full in addition to did not reach the record which in turn genuinely indicates you can not established limitations at the job, which equals small self-esteem, and also worse, not any knowledge of your individual restricts. You can find incapable of carrying out the particular survey therefore you put it off. Irrrve never shown interest in stick to anybody on facebook at my everyday living. The Absent-Minded Teacher is definitely diverted.

If you proceed, the actual apology will be worthless. Simply just “being about time” will just bring so many good out-puts, through obtaining the campaign to your director, so that you can forming a much better Armed service. The client reacted together with. couldn’t prevent thinking about it.. For those who avoid your time prudently; you could certainly not get your investment back.

I am certain that you can imagine what happened future. I personally collection Several alerts today 5:30AM but appeared intended for work on On the lookout for:40AM(Ten minutes overdue). As well, celebrate people reputable to defend myself against ambitions should they be offered to you. When you find yourself late to help whatever, jewel a creation and also scheduled appointment, it is going from nearly all of all these prices that happen to be instilled in just about all members of the military. In event you continue to need reasons to be on time frame, here i will discuss 6 big people: Eating habits study Tardiness Nakpodia & Dafiaghor (This year’s) pointed out that lateness or even tardiness is not only the challenge in the past due pupil but it surely has an effect on surrounding people.

from Patriot Prepper Don't forget to visit the store and pick up some gear at The COR Outfitters. Are you ready for any situation? #SurvivalFirestarter #SurvivalBugOutBackpack #PrepperSurvivalPack #SHTFGear #SHTFBag

[mllemusketeer]

How I Met Jazz

I just finished a fuckton of awful grading. Have the next installment of the self-insert ‘verse. One day, I may even start posting this on Ao3....

So the story of how I, nerd by day, supernerd by night, wound up with Autobot protection ought to be told. Or at least part of it. It was mostly due to The Paper That Made Everyone Hate Me.

First of all, due to a series of increasingly implausible incidents, I published a paper that pissed off Megatron, bewildered Optimus, and enraged Ratchet—and my advisor, and a bunch of people in my field. Long story short, the field of bioethics is not a placid lake. Tempest in a teapot is closer to it. Tempest in a teapot with laser guns, now.

Technically, due to confidentiality and all, when a paper is in-press, people don’t share it widely; the reviewers aren’t supposed to chat about what they’re reviewing. But the journal I submitted the thing to has a digital submission portal and doesn’t take paper submissions, and anything digital, Jazz tells me, is something that Soundwave can get into. Nevermind that whatever system sent the paper to the reviewers may have been less secure than might be hoped.

Which I really wish I’d known to start with. Because the result was, about three weeks before I was supposed to find out whether the thing had been accepted or not, Megatron found out about the paper. A paper in which I’d quoted him. For which I’d interviewed him (long story, blame Sam Whitwicky, because who else). And blew a gasket.

So toward the end of June, when everything is just beginning to get unbearably hot and tempers (human and Cybertronian) are starting to fray, it comes to Optimus Prime’s attention that one of the human graduate students loosely associated with NEST (I’d gotten a base pass, very restricted, written and had the protocols for my research approved—just interviews, all temporary, had started the research proper, but was a significantly less august personage than the interns responsible for getting Starbucks) was getting Decepticon death threats. He wasn’t pleased. Never mind that Ratchet apparently was Reviewer #2 (no, you’re not supposed to find these things out, but since when has Ratchet been observant of rules when it doesn’t suit him? The answer, according to Jazz, is never...) on the paper, and was as about as delighted as Megatron about said paper. He was all too happy to give Prime the rest of the details, which, again, you’re not supposed to do. But there aren’t really rules for how to apply this when someone is at risk of becoming paté, so he got away with it.

From my perspective, it looked like this:

6 am on my fucking birthday: Decepticon death threat regarding the paper. Cell phone, email to every email address I owned, tumblr message, facebook message, twitter, everything. At the same goddamn time. Somehow overrode all the silent modes on my devices. My room was a hellstorm of cheery binging, beeping and clicking for about three minutes. That was worse than the stated intention to turn me into paste, really.

6:10 am to 11: contact advisor about what to do about death threat, chew fingernails, get very useless email back, shrug, contact police and the NEST representative, go teach class because lab won’t wait for death threats, and I am quite literally more scared of my lab coordinator than Megatron. Megatron doesn’t write my paychecks. I am a grad student and have fucked-up priorities, okay?

11 am: Get contacted by Optimus fucking Prime about the fucking paper (spot where my morning went to shit/off the rails. Base pass does not equal even seeing Optimus Prime. I was too far down the food chain for that.)

11:10 am: Get picked up by a bunch of really buff guys in a humvee, one of whom starts explaining the situation to me as if I’m four, come on dudes, I’m a grad student not an idiot…okay, fine, actually those things are the same.

12:35 pm: Arrive at Autobot base

12:55 pm: Spend 20 minutes kicking my heels in what looks like an office 40 feet off the ground while people stare at me, have yet to (I think) see an Autobot. (I was wrong, actually; it wasn’t a humvee, it was a Topkick, and it was Ironhide, and that one guy was just pretending to drive, and Ironhide snickered about this for weeks, because that’s absolutely the level of Ironhide’s sense of humor.)

1:00 pm: Call from angry lab coordinator for not showing up to teach lab, try to explain, dude in a suit shows up and offers to take the phone. Since I am now enduring the full blast of an outraged lab coordinator, I comply. It suddenly is a very short phone call. She even apologizes.

1:01 pm: Meet Optimus fucking Prime.

1:30 pm: Have a really excellent talk with Optimus fucking Prime about my paper; he really can learn everything about anything very quickly. Like, in an hour.

2:00 pm: Finish substantially less excellent talk about the fact that me becoming paté is a serious risk, and what the hell did I do? Also, he is a little taken aback I’m not involved more with the Autobot/human research initiative; he thinks I should be much more involved, not just a visitor. It’s a very promising paper, he says, though unnerving.

2:01 pm: Pause.

2:02 pm: Ask Optimus fucking Prime if he could be the co-chair of my committee.

2:03 pm: HE SAID YES.

2:15 pm: SHIT FUCK FUCK FUCK SHIT SHIT DID I DO THAT SHIT FUCK DAMMIT WHY DO I DO THIS TO MYSELF I AM REALLY NOT GOOD ENOUGH SHIT FUCK DAMMIT SHIT SHIT SHIT HE’LL HATE MY WRITING SHIT

2:30 pm: FUCK FUCK FUCK GAAAAAH HOW DO I TELL MY ADVISOR

2:45 pm: FUCK FUCK SHIT BUGGER DAMN 

2:50 pm: why do I do this to myself

3:00 pm: Okay he looks like he’s finishing up oh shit did he just ask a question what did he ask quick nod look like you understand

3:00 pm: Wait shit what does he mean, someone to keep an eye on me, am I getting a bodyguard dammit should not have zoned out in front of the new chair of my committee

3:10 pm: Met Jazz.

It didn’t go well.

The discussion between Optimus and Prowl about who it would be best to assign to keep an eye on me took place that morning; Jazz had been told about it about twenty minutes before he met me, and he was not pleased. He had things to be doing. Important, Megatron-irritating things. Babysitting was none of the above.

Besides, that last prank he’d pulled with Sunny and Sides hadn’t really been that bad.

He looked down at me. I looked up at him.

“I’ll leave you two to get acquainted,” said Optimus, and left.

Silence.

“Well,” said Jazz, “I suppose if Bumblebee can manage with Sam…”

I had not met Bumblebee and had no idea what Sam he was talking about at this point, so the sentence made no sense to me. I just stared at him.

“So,” he said, flopping on a pile of shipping containers arranged in a roughly Cybertronian sized chair shape, “what do you do for fun?”

Which was where things really went downhill.

For fun? I stay in and write. Or I go for a walk. Or I cook, or sew. I go camping. I go hiking. I do not, in fact, do basically anything that counts in Jazz’s book as fun. Except swing dancing. Erratically. And badly. But he perked up like nobody’s business when I mentioned it. Going exploring, yes, that was pretty okay, we’d be doing a lot of that if I wanted to come along on his (safer) patrols. Other than that? Nothing.

It’s quite an experience to watch 15ish feet of robot sort of deflate. To be fair, Jazz, though not pleased with the situation, was resolved to make the best of it. But I’d just told him that the best of it wasn’t going to be all that fun. And I was feeling guilty because look, I hadn’t meant to piss the giant destructive robot dictator off, it had just sort of happened. I mean, no one expects giant robot dictators to read the bioethical literature, that’s well outside the job description! I’d not only pissed Megatron off, but I’d chosen literally the most boring way to do it and now this nice big robot was looking at me like I tended to look at iceburg lettuce—with a sort of resigned determination to do what was polite (in my case, eat the flavorless, useless vegetable; in Jazz’s case, interact with someone who seemed to him to be the human equivalent). God. This was going to be horrible and boring for both of us.

We both turned out to be wrong about that, as it turns out. Eventually.

[fairserenity]

365 Day Journal Challenge

What is your number one goal this year?

What are you most grateful for?

Are you content?

What is your best memory of last year?

Can people change?

What made you smile today?

Who last called you on the phone?

Who are you in love with?

The best part of today was______

What’s the hardest thing you’re dealing with?

Today I wish I had more _____

What made today unusual?

What are you looking for from life?

Who is the last people to tell you they loved you?

What is your favorite piece of art you own?

Whats the last thing you apologized for?

On a scale of 1-10 how is your health?

If you could do today over, would you change anything?

I wish I had _____

Last think you wanted but didn’t get.

What mood were you in today?

What was the last new thing you tried?

My biggest hope is ______

What has challenged your morals?

What kind of car are you driving?

List your pets.

Today I felt really secure knowing ______

Whose life did you make a difference in today?

What is your super power?

What is annoying you?

What would have made today perfect?

What stresses you?

Your relationship status and how you feel about it.

Where you’d like to be in ten years.

Your views on drugs and alcohol.

What is your zodiac sign? Does it fit your personality?

What do you hope your future will be like?

Write about your first love.

Put your iPod on shuffle and write down the first ten songs that pop up.

What were your highs and lows of the past year?

Write a letter to your parents.

Write a letter to your reflection in the mirror.

Write a letter to someone who broke your heart.

How important do you think education is?

List five celebrities that you’re attracted to.

What is your favorite movie? What is it about?

What kind of person attracts you?

A problem that you’ve had.

Someone/something you miss.

Someone who fascinates you and why?

Who would you love to trade places with for a day and why?

What is your most treasured item?

Your biggest insecurity.

Something that you want to do before you die.

What is something that makes your heart break?

Something that you’re extremely afraid of.

What food are you craving right now?

What was the last dream you remember about?

A habit you wish you didn’t have.

Describe the room you’re in right now.

A dead person you’d like to talk to and why?

Go look in the mirror. What’s the first thing you notice?

What song makes you dance?

Name a cartoon you loved as a kid.

Your ultimate feast?

Had any collections as a kid?

What super power do you wish you had?

Go up to your best friend, hand her this notebook and say “write anything about me.”

How do you feel about gay marriage?

What’s one thing you’d like to change about your school?

How do you feel about abortion?

If you could write a book what would it be about?

Write about how your favorite book makes you feel.

Write about how your favorite movie makes you feel.

Write about how your favorite song makes you feel.

Write a letter to your future husband.

Write about what’s on your mind.

Write about your elementary school.

Write about middle school.

Write about high school.

What is your dream job? Write about it.

What is one goal you have?

What degree do you want in college (if you’re going), and why?

What is your favorite color? How does it make you feel?

List 20 things that make you happy.

What’s your favorite recipe? How do you like to make it?

Write about an odd holiday and how you would celebrate it.

What’s your favorite animal? Why?

Are you confident about how you look? Why/why not?

Favorite T.V. show? Why?

If you could live anywhere in the world, where would it be and why?

Which fiction book/movie do you want to be true?

If you were to die tomorrow, who would you spend your last day with? Why?

What is one quote that inspires you the most?

Are you introvert or extrovert?

Things you can’t live without? Why?

What is the first thing you notice about the opposite gender?

If you were to spend the rest of your life with one person, who would it be? Why?

What would you change about your physical appearance?

What would you change about your personality?

Describe one of your friends.

What did you do today?

If you could learn any language which would you choose?

Five ways to win your heart?

Something you feel strongly about.

A book you love.

Bullet your whole day.

Things you want to say to an ex.

What are your views on mainstream music?

Five pet peeves.

What did you eat today?

Your family.

Five guys you find attractive.

What did you wear today?

What is something you always think “what if…” about?

What is something you’re proud of?

Five items you lust after?

What are your fears?

What is your view on religion?

A time you thought about ending your life.

Write 30 interesting facts about yourself.

What was a moment where you felt the most satisfied with your life?

Discuss your first love and first kiss.

What is your earliest memory?

What are your favorite Tumblrs?

Your beliefs.

How have you changed in the past two years?

Goals for the next 30 days?

Your highs and lows of this month?

I was…

I am…

I think….

I wonder….

I wish….

I save…

I always….

I cant imagine….

I believe….

I promise….

I love….

What is the weather like?

Where do you work?

What is your favorite season? Why?

What is your favorite place outdoors?

Your hobby.

What are your chores?

In the garden…

What makes you giggle?

Something pretty?

What is your favorite city?

10 facts about the city you live in.

Favorite person.

What is your favorite poem?

Use the letters of your name to spell out characteristics

What was the last movie you saw?

10 reasons why you love something/someone/someplace.

10 favorite songs.

Who inspires you?

What would your perfect world be like?

What are some things you are looking forward to?

I will not be defined by…

Say thank you to someone.

Happiness is…

How do you love?

What are some different roles that you play in life?

If you could design the house of your dreams, what would it look like?

If you could scream something at the top of your lungs right now, what would it be?

What does this season feel/smell/sound/look/taste like?

When was the last time you went out and just played?

Who am i?

What would you do with three wishes?

I wish someone told me…

Do you believe in fate?

What was the best you ever gave?

What is the sweetest thing anyone has ever done for you?

What do you love most about where you live?

When you think back to your childhood, what moment first comes to mind?

What makes you glow?

Which song do you have on repeat right now?

How do you make decisions?

What were you doing this time last year?

What’s your favorite holiday?

When you close your eyes and imagine yourself as passionate, giddy, inspired and joyful… what are you doing/creating in that moment?

What am I taking for granted?

What brings you joy?

What sparks your creativity?

What do you never want to forget?

What kind of goddess are you?

What are you crossing your fingers for?

Why did I do that?

What three words would someone use to describe me?

Do you have a recurring dream? What is it?

What are your favorite days of summer/winter filled with?

What have you found lately?

On my walls I would write…

Have you had a hug today?

What is something you don’t understand, but you want to?

How can I be kinder to myself?

If you had a free day with NO restrictions, what would you choose to do?

What is your latest obsession?

What gives you hope?

What’s on your to-do list this week?

What is the truth?

What makes you you?

What is the last good book you read?

What was my worst hairstyle experience to date?

What keeps me awake at night?

What was the last brave thing you did?

What was the last thing that made you laugh out loud?

What would you do if you knew you could not fail?

If you could do it all again, would you change anything?

When I look into my eyes I see…

Do you believe in fairies?

Are you afraid of change?

Who do you sometimes compare yourself to?

What’s the most sensible thing you’ve ever heard someone say?

What gets you excited about life?

What life lesson did you learn the hard way?

An important person in your life.

What’s a secret wish you have?

What masks do you wear?

A word. (open the dictionary and pick one at random)

The things I love about my life are…

What are your thoughts on cosmetic or plastic surgery?

Describe someone who you would consider a hero.

What effect does music have on you?

Describe your daily routine when you get out of bed in the morning.

What five traits do people first notice when they meet you for the first time?

List 3 things that went right (or wrong) today.

If you could tell they world just one thing, what would you say?

Do you believe in love at first sight?

What would you do if you were president of the United States?

You have an extra $100,000 to give away; you cannot spend it on yourself. What would you do with the money?

What qualities make a best friend?

What is something you do well?

What is something you are optimistic about?

What do you think if 3D movies?

What do you think about people who are inconsiderate of others?

What do you think of someone who has bad manners?

What do you think of people who take advantage of others?

What do you think about when you cant fall asleep?

I wish I had a million… Then I would….

I wish I on… because…

I wish I could forget the time i…. because…

I wish I could see… because…

I wish I could learn…. Because…

I wish I had enough money to….

I wish animals could… if they could then….

If all my wishes came true, I would…

Think of a teacher, relative, or adult that you respect and want to impress. What is it about that person that makes you want to do well for them?

Would you rather live in another era or culture? Explain.

Have you ever felt lost? Literally or figuratively? Explain.

Describe your bedroom. How does it describe you?

If you could spend an hour with the president, what are 10 questions you would like to ask him?

Describe your favorite band/artist. What makes them so great?

How do you feel about using humans in medical research?

What book setting would you like to visit if you could?

In what ways do you sometimes wish to act to be a better friend, but don’t? Why do you find yourself unable to do these things?

Where would you go to relax and why?

Where would you most like the watch the sun come up? Why?

What are some colors you see the most in your everyday life?

What are things that you wish people knew about you without your having to tell them

If you suddenly gained the ability to tell whether someone was lying, would you use it?

What foreign countries have you been to? Which ones do you want to go to?

Tell about a habit that you picked up from a family member or friend.

Think of five things that are usually endearing or touching.

Why do you always do this to me?

What is your take on soul mates?

Dear past me…

Dear future me…

Nobody know that I …

How do you deal with anger?

How easy is it for you to forgive those who have caused you pain?

Traditions.

What grand adventure do you wish to go on?

How do you stand out from the crowd?

How would you describe yourself?

Who would you trust with your deepest, darkest secrets?

Did you ever hold an unpopular opinion or belief? With what results?

10 popular things that you could not care less about.

Is there anything you “just know” and have no explainable or rational way to explain how you know it?

What music album would be used for a movie about your life?

What’s the worst mistake or decision you have ever made? What could you have done differently?

Name a totally useless possession and how you came to acquire it.

If you invented a device that could fix one problem you are facing right now, would you use it? What problem would you like to solve?

Have you ever carved your name or initials into a tree or stone?

What has inspired you to hold on when all looked lost?

How are you feeling today?

What are the qualities that you possess that make you so wonderful?

Name something you lost or gave away that can never be replaced.

Would you rather live a short life full of wonderful memories or a long life with no significant experiences in it?

If you could do one thing with no one finding out, what would it be?

What’s your favorite quote?  What do you think it says about you?

Do you like how people see you?

Have you ever fallen out of love?

What’s your favorite number?

If you were a crayon what color would you be?

Do you have any tattoos? Do you want any? What do they mean to you?

What is your definition of beauty?

What’s the best present you’ve ever received?

What’s your favorite part of your body?

Do you have a best friend?

Would you rather have a relationship with love or one with sex? Why?

Do you want to get married?

Do you want to have kids?

Have you ever cried for no reason?

What is your favorite month?

Are you too shy to ask someone out?

Are you missing someone?

Do you believe in ghosts?

If your life was a game, what game would it be?

What would you say is your most prominent physical feature?

What is your relationship like with your parents?

Do you have any nicknames? What are they?

What is the worst injury you’ve ever had?

Do you believe that first true love never dies?

What kind of person are you?

How can you prove your love to someone?

Do you have trust issues?

Are you good at holding back your tears?

Have you ever experienced being hysterical?

What would your dream date be like?

Two people you want to be with right now.

How do you do your hair/makeup? Why?

Write about your first crush. Who was it?

What would you name your kids if you have any?

What is your opinion on cheating on people?

Get something off your chest.

When was the last time you cried?

What do you think about most?

What’s a sound you hate? Love?

Do you have any strange phobias?

Do you prefer being behind the camera or in front of the camera?

What was the last lie you told?

Do you believe in karma?

What is your greatest weakness? Strength?

Are you easy to get along with?

Name something that makes you happy.

Name something that makes you furious.

What do you say in an awkward silence?

What was your longest relationship? Who was it with?

When was the last time you really laughed?

How many people can you tell just about everything? Who are they?

What do you miss most about childhood?

What is your middle name? How do you feel about it?

Does your name define you?

What is your favorite word? Why?

What is your favorite Disney movie?

Which is your favorite Disney princess? Why?

Favorite time of day?

Do you like your style? Do you want to change it? What would you change it to?

If you had the option to be rich and famous would you take it?

Who are you closest to?

Describe the best day of your life so far.

Write a letter to someone contemplating suicide.

What’s the most embarrassing thing that’s ever happened to you?

What do you worry about the most?

What’s your favorite song? What does it say about you?

What do you want to do with your life?

What’s the best Halloween costume you’ve ever had?

What has been your favorite concert you’ve ever attended?

How do you think people see you?

What would pop into someone’s mind when they hear your name?

What has changed in the last year?

What were the highs and lows of this year?

I can’t believe I got through all 365 of these! This was a lot of fun and a nice way to reflect. You should try it out. O:

[apostateangela]

Well, isn’t that just Marvel-ous

I know I said at the end of my last post that there was more sex to come… and more of that particular story.

But I’m having to step back from it this week; just until I talk to my therapist.

Remember this part…?

I can’t tell you all the sex in my marriage happened because I wanted it.

I also can’t comfortably say it was forced upon me.

Let’s just say I don’t want to look at that part of my past yet.

Except, now I have to.

Something that has been happening since I began this endeavor is that as I articulate and create sentences on a page clarifying and identifying realities about my past it makes them more real and subsequently more startling and disturbing.

I wrote it.

And now I can’t help but look at it.

The truth seems to be that a large percentage of the sex in my marriage falls under the category of Forced Consent.

Which is, by definition, sexual assault.

And I don’t know what to do with that…

I promise I will circle back after I flesh some things out in therapy this coming week.

Instead I feel compelled to talk about something that isn’t on my chronological trajectory.

I’m being pulled off course by a very strong force.

Her name is Carol Susan Jane Danvers, also known as Captain Marvel.

Thursday night, when I went to the movie premiere of Captain Marvel, I had a very personal and emotional experience, and not the one I thought I would have.

I have been incredibly excited for this movie.

A badass female superhero who is also a soldier checks so many of my boxes.

I want to be a strong woman. I am looking for strong female role models in both life and fiction.

So this character has been someone I have started to become marginally obsessed with.

I even dressed up as her earth military persona for Halloween.

Sadly, the models of women that I HAVE had don’t always track with this kind of strength that I earnestly desire. So before I delve into my Captain Marvel deconstruction I’m going to add to the pictures of womanhood I have already shared.

Again, let’s start with the Church’s idea of what a woman should be:

I will remind you of a previous post discussing Eve and the concept of a ‘helpmeet’

(Is it good for (Wo)Man to be Alone?).

To add to those scriptures and that image, I’m going to draw your attention to various quotes said and written by men taken from within the structure of the Church, again from lds.org.

From the Church’s founder Joseph Smith:

“Let this Society (he is referencing the Relief Society, the LDS Church Women’s Organization) teach women how to behave towards their husbands, to treat them with mildness and affection. When a man is borne down with trouble, when he is perplexed with care and difficulty, if he can meet a smile instead of an argument or a murmur—if he can meet with mildness, it will calm down his soul and soothe his feelings; when the mind is going to despair, it needs a solace of affection and kindness” (Teachings of the Prophet Joseph Smith, 228).

Various leaders since Joseph Smith, but all within the late twentieth and twenty first centuries:

“It is divinely ordained what a woman should do, but a man must seek out his work. The divine work of women involves companionship, homemaking, and motherhood” (“In His Steps,” 64).

“Beware of the subtle ways Satan employs to take you from the plan of God [2 Nephi 9:13] and true happiness. One of Satan’s most effective approaches is to demean the role of wife and mother in the home” (Elder Richard G. Scott).

“There are voices in our midst which would attempt to convince you that these home-centered truths are not applicable to our present-day conditions. If you listen and heed, you will be lured away from your principal obligations.

“Beguiling voices in the world cry out for ‘alternative life-styles’ for women. They maintain that some women are better suited for careers than for marriage and motherhood.

“These individuals spread their discontent by the propaganda that there are more exciting and self-fulfilling roles for women than homemaking. Some even have been bold to suggest that the Church move away from the ‘Mormon woman stereotype’ of homemaking and rearing children. They also say it is wise to limit your family so you can have more time for personal goals and self-fulfillment” (“The Honored Place of Woman”).

Translation: Women have a very clear subservient role: that of mild smiling wife, homemaker, and mother.

It is Divinely appropriated, meaning that God has said this is what a woman should be.

If you deviate from this role it is suggested that you are following Satan.

My mother is this woman: a simple, faithful, subservient woman with incredible homemaking skills. I learned from her.

But it goes deeper than that; my grandmothers, aunts, great grandmothers, friends, and fellow sisters in the church all followed in the footsteps of Eve, holding themselves accountable to God and their husbands, fully dependant and creating beautiful homes while rearing well-behaved, righteous children.

I suppose I should take this opportunity to say that I do not regret my choice of motherhood.

I value my abilities to garden, sew, crochet, embroidery, preserve food, cook, and keep a clean house.

These are all good things. So is this picture of womanhood inherently problematic?

No. The problem lies in the message that THIS WOMAN is all you CAN or SHOULD be.

That someone else, a man or group of men specifically, knows what is best for you and only through him/them can you become the best woman you can become.

This was my culture.

Add to that my marriage to the unstable, narcissistic sociopath I’ve mentioned before, and you have a clear picture of the limitations and restrictions and sorrow that surrounded much of my life.

(Captain Marvel is on her way, wait for it)

One of the key tools a narcissist uses within their relationships is gaslighting.

From Psychology Today:

Gaslighting is a form of persistent manipulation and brainwashing that causes the victim to doubt her or himself, and ultimately lose her or his own sense of perception, identity, and self-worth. The term is derived from the 1944 film Gaslight, in which a husband tries to convince his wife that she’s insane by causing her to question herself and her reality.

There will be a seperate gaslighting post, but sufficeth to say that as “the gaslighter creates a negative narrative about the gaslightee (“There’s something wrong and inadequate about you”)” both my husband and the church as an organization created this narrative for and about me.

Back to Captain Marvel=Spoiler alert!

Captain Marvel is a story of a woman who finds herself with significant gaps in her memory, to the point that she doesn’t really know who she is. She is given significant training and instruction on who she should be and how she should act with a suitable noble cause attached. This indoctrination extends beyond military training as she has a device in her neck that limits her use of power and allows her to be directly brainwashed by an AI all powerful entity (something God-like) called The Supreme Intelligence. It is discovered as the movie progresses that her past has been taken away from her as well as her identity. She has been shattered like her dogtags, reduced to Vers, a small piece of who she was or could become. Her incredible power is muted and the gaslighting spins the lie that it is only through the Divine will of the all powerful Supreme Intelligence that supposedly gave it to her (with an alien blood transfusion) that she has any power whatsoever. This lie extends even further in that she must be taught to control this gifted power through the instruction of a male benefactor, Yon-Rogg. He says more than once that it is his job to help Vers become all that she can be through his instruction and the controlling of her emotions and there-by her power.

Are you seeing the parallels yet? (a prescriptive identity with a noble cause, power that is God’s and not yours, a culture outlining your worth and purpose, lies used to make you feel powerless, emotions being pitched as something bad and wrong).

Writing that summary paragraph makes me want to vomit. My stomach is literally clenching.

And this was true during the movie as well.

I spent much of the movie horrified for Carol Danvers and simultaneously myself.

Good Job Marvel and Disney, you always create this fucking hero’s journey where the protagonist had to struggle through incredible challenges and odds until they eventually prevail.

But truthfully, we see ourselves in this fiction because it is archetypal and resonates deep within us.

And like a true hero, Captain Marvel does discover who she is, unspins the lies, unleashes her own power and its potential, and kicks everyone’s ass that needs to be kicked.

The problem is, we can’t all be Captain Marvel… can we?

A wise man who went to the movie with me, whom I love and who knows my tragic story, said to me afterward as we were talking about my obvious emotional response to the movie and the existence of parallels, “See, your blog and Muay Thai are your superpowers.”

(yes, I’m in martial arts training. I’m sure I’ll write about that at some time in the future)

This should have made me feel good.

But it did not.

Compared to the atomic, otherworldly, titan-like power of Captain Marvel,

these small things felt like nothing.

I’m sorry, or I’m not sorry… I apologize too much….rather, I’m filled with sorrow that this is my take away.

But it is important for me to be honest here.

My experience watching this incredible movie was that of emotional horror.

I was sad for what had been done to Carol Danvers because I understood the scope of that.

I understand the feelings of confusion at having your identity stripped away and not knowing who you really are.

I understand how it feels to only have flashes of yourself somewhere in your heart and brain, but not being able to nail them down or see them clearly. And to have people around you tell you to ignore those things and then outline for you what you are supposed to be.

I understand what it feels like to be gaslighted by a culture, an organization, a God, and a man who was supposed to care for you, to the point that you completely buy the lie.

Even if the lie is about you.

I understand how it feels to be told you have no power. And if you ever did exhibit evidence of having any power, being told that it isn’t really yours, but something given to you by God and thereby only good for doing the things that God told you to.

I understand being told that my desires and emotions were wrong and that I needed to stamp them down and “control” them.

Watching this movie for the first time made me also understand that my story was not as far along as Carol’s.

I didn’t feel powerful.

I didn’t feel strong.

The good news is, I went and saw the movie again the next night.

So here is my addendum:

There are three lines that impacted me the most from both my viewings… (forgive me if they are not exactly accurate). As I heard these three lines again, the negative feelings I experienced after the first showing shifted.

First: At one point in the movie, after much of the lies are revealed and Carol discovers that even the war she’s been fighting is based on an ugly lie, her old friend Maria Rambeau says this to her,

“You are Carol Danvers. You are smart, funny, and a huge pain in the ass.”

Rambeau then expresses how Carol had supported her as a mother and a pilot as well as standing up for those who needed her--as a hero should.

This moment reminds me that when I can’t believe in myself

or doubt my strength, power, and validity because of my Mormon programming

and the gaslighting of my culture and my ex-husband,

there are those around me that believe me and know who I am.

I need to turn to them for their support and clarification.

When my kind, smart companion told me of my superpowers,

I needed to believe him

and take comfort that even if I don’t know, others do.

And they will help me with my truth based on evidence and experience instead of abstract rules and limiting parameters.

And he is right. This blog is my unfettered voice and Muay Thai is helping me create both mental and physical strength. Both allow me to fight for myself.

Second: One of the most powerful moments in the Captain Marvel movie is when Carol is being held by the AI and it tells her, “Without us, you’re only human.”

A montage of all the moments in Carol Danvers original life where she got knocked down in some way, but then got up flashes across the screen.

There is a clear moment of revelation for Captain Marvel.

And Carol Susan Jane Danvers replies, “You are right. I’m only human.”

After which, she breaks free of the not so powerful AI holding her.

This line is where it’s all at for me.

Because the images of Carol through different ages of her life, taking risks, and doing what she wants in spite of the people who tell her she can’t,

then falling, failing.

AND THEN, getting back up and trying again and again until she succeeds creates the message that... it is THIS behaviour that makes us remarkable HUMANS.

I am humbled to be able to tell you that THIS is also WHO I AM.

If I do anything of note, it is that I do not give up. I keep trying and I get up after I fall.

It is in this way that I am heroic.

It is in this way that I have risen from the rubble of my damaging paradigms.

It is in this way that I seek to find the new ways in which I will live my life.

I will continue to keep trying to find myself, and my truth.

I will not fall back into that which was created for me, but instead create a place and identity for myself.

Finally, there is the line that is sure to go down in the history of this movie as its most quotable line. Captain Marvel says,

“I’ve been fighting with one hand behind my back, but what happens when I am finally set free?”

This is both a rhetorical and a warning question.

Because as Carol Danvers removes the control device in her neck and both channels and releases all her power, she defeats those who have held her captive and steps into that place where she can and does realize her true potential.

Sure, she has some moments when she fumbles around a bit and has to feel things out, discovering what she can do as she experiments and fights her way free.

But eventually she FLYS, glowing in all her glory.

And the final message she leaves us with, is in her handling of Yon-Rogg when she, without hesitation shoots him and says, “I don’t have to prove anything to you.”

I agree Carol, I do not have to prove anything to those who held me captive in foolish dogma and lies.

But, I am not flying… yet.

I HAVE broken free of everything that was tying my figurative hands.

And while my wrists are still chafed and I am trying to rid myself of the psychological muscle memory, I believe I will only continue to heal and discover my power and its potential.

I must.

Because I will not stand for the alternative.

-Angela

[shateandino]

Why I’ll Never Do The Whole30

Have you done the Whole30? Here are my thoughts about the popular Whole30 diet and why I’ll never do or promote the Whole30.

I’m taking a deep breath before writing this blog post.

It’s not an easy thing to go against the diet industry and speak up for what I believe in, but at the same time, I feel it’s necessary.

When I first discussed my feelings about the 21 Day Fix and why I don’t think it’s a good idea, I had a lot of mixed responses. However, most of the responses where overwhelmingly in agreement with what I had to say.

You see, I get so many messages from women who have tried every diet under the sun (not just the 21 Day Fix or Whole30) who are struggling and end up gaining more weight or else developing an unhealthy relationship with food and their body.

This is why I feel the need to speak up about these popular diets. I don’t want you to go down the same path I did where I was constantly worried about my weight, the food I ate, being in social situations, etc. I ruined my trust with food and my body, and now, I’m paying for that, and slowly working my way back to recovery and creating a “normal” relationship with food again.

Today, I wanted to talk about the Whole30 because it seems everyone and their dog is trying it. It’s not unusual, come January, that the diet talk grows louder and louder. Old diets are “revamped” promising “better” results. New diets are put onto the market, making promises that THIS is your magic ticket to weight loss and happiness.

You all know my food philosophy; eat real, whole foods in moderation from ALL the food groups. It’s pretty simple, and it works for me.

I feel like people’s concept of what constitutes a heathy diet has become so complicated in today’s society. Too many criteria, rules, restrictions, and considerations are being put on our diets. It all seems to be in an attempt to achieve the most perfect, pure diet….but frankly, I don’t think that’s possible.

I am all for finding ‘what works for you’, but I don’t think we have to go to such extremes by cutting out whole food groups or constantly experimenting with the latest diet fad just because. I feel these extremes lead us to lose touch with what our body really needs.

Okay, sure people feel better after 30 days of eating a certain way, but think about it, it’s mostly because people have reduced processed foods…not because of the specific food groups they cut out!

Food groups like dairy, legumes, FRUITS, etc. that have a wealth of nutrients, vitamins, and minerals and are important to a healthy, diverse diet! Anyone can come up with a new diet philosophy and market it to the masses! Just because it gains popularity doesn’t make it credible. I won’t ever be doing a Whole30 challenge and I wanted to share some of the reasons Whole30 is not for me…

Why I Don’t Like The Whole30

There is NO Flexibility

Let’s face it, life is tough enough as it is. With family, friends, jobs, finances, busy schedules, don’t we have enough to think about already? Add to that more worry about what foods I can and can’t eat just adds another stress to my life.

When a diet comes with as many restrictions as Whole30, I feel like some of the enjoyment of eating and life in general is impeded upon. What about going out for dinner, family celebrations, birthdays, happy hour? These are all life events that can and SHOULD be celebrated. Trust me, I know what it’s like to avoid these situations like the plague – for 10 years I missed out on my kid’s birthday celebrations because I was being too strict with my food.

Life happens! Stuff happens! We can’t expect to be eating perfect all the time, even just for 30 days.

Also, my tastes change all the time. Some days I want a kale salad, some days I want a slice of homemade chocolate banana bread. Some days I want to avoid meat, some days I want all the red meat! Some days I want a protein shake, some days I want my hot chocolate.

The point is, I like to be able to satisfy my cravings and tastes in the moment. I don’t want to push down those thoughts of what would feel good for me and my body that day just to comply to some diet plan. It makes me feel like I can’t trust myself around food and I can’t trust my body’s natural cues and signals.

Creates “BAD” Foods

The Whole30 requires you to cut out a lot of different foods. But what I find happens to people is that they end up cutting those foods out after the 30 days is over. These off limit foods become “bad” foods in their eyes because they couldn’t eat them on the plan, so there must be a reason not to eat them permanently.

I was one of these people. For the past couple of years, I’ve been hearing that gluten is really bad for us. So, I cut it out completely. Now, I’m not saying that gluten is good for everyone, but once I heard that gluten “shouldn’t” be consumed, that became written in stone for me. However, I’ve NEVER had a problem with gluten. Not once. I’ve even been tested for food sensitivities and gluten/wheat came back insignificant.

Now, I choose not to eat much gluten because I actually prefer the taste of gluten-free grains, such as coconut flour, almond flour, or tapioca flour. And if sometimes I have gluten, it doesn’t bother me, and I don’t feel guilty about it like I used to.

The same goes for dairy. For some people, dairy may not feel good in their body. For me, it doesn’t bother my body. But I was told that we should avoid it. Why? That, I’m still unsure of. So, I choose to consume cheese, sour cream, cream cheese, heavy cream, etc. I choose not to drink milk because I HATE the taste. I make my own nut milk and I LOVE it!

I feel that many of the foods the Whole30 eliminates are unnecessary. Many of these foods contain healthy vitamins and minerals and don’t need to be avoided. I know that the challenge is technically only 30 days, but from what I gather from people’s recaps, I get the sense that they are afraid to start eating Whole30 unapproved foods again.

We Can’t Exist on the Same Foods Over and Over

One of the problems I have with diets is that you’re given a list of foods to eat and you’re expected to stick to them, day in and day out. How F’ing boring is that! Not to mention, that’s how food sensitivities can develop.

The people I’ve seen do Whole30 seem to struggle with variety and mixing things up. They find some of their favourite foods and then eat them over and over again. Kinda like this….

This is how I developed food sensitivities; I ate the same things over and over and over again. Now, I like to have variety in my life, especially when it comes to my food. Plus, I lost enjoyment in eating when all I ate was lean meat, steamed vegetables, and brown rice.

There is No Room for Treats

My life now is all about balance. I feel the Whole30 doesn’t leave room for balance. What is a life without the occasional slice of birthday cake, homemade treat, or your grandma’s famous sweet potato pie?!

The Whole30 emphasizes squashing cravings with the approved foods on the diet, but constantly squashing cravings not only leads to deprivation but also a major case of mental sadness and distrust with your body.

I would hate go through life feeling like some of my favorite foods were off-limits. Life isn’t about eating perfectly all the time, it’s about eating in a nourishing way. And that nourishment includes your body AND your soul. Squash and broccoli can only be so ‘soul-filling’.

It’s All About The Benjamins

I feel that EVERY diet out there is a cash grab. Just another way to prey on people’s weaknesses and tell them they aren’t good enough and shouldn’t be trusted.

I eat real, whole foods from every food group and I feel great (most of the time.) It’s true that some people do have real issues with certain foods (I have found out what foods don’t sit well with me,) but if you’re not medically diagnosed and are otherwise not experiencing issues with certain foods, why cut them out? Just to try it? Why?!

I see more and more people cutting out foods that they actually enjoy just for the sake of being trendy or because they read an article that told them to! For everything in Whole30 that makes negative claims against the ‘unapproved’ foods, you can find a million and one other pieces of research that say the exact opposite.

Is it good to cut out processed foods? YES! Is it good to listen to your body to see which foods don’t work well for you? YES! But you don’t need another diet telling you this. You have the common sense, you’ve just lost touch with it because of the diets!

It Creates an “All or Nothing” Attitude

For most of my adult life, I’ve been an all or nothing person, especially when it comes to my food. I used to view food as only “good” or “bad.” I consumed “good” foods 100% of the time and consumed “bad” foods 0% of the time. And if I did occasionally consume a “bad” food, I felt like a failure.

So many women come to me saying that they messed up their diet and feel so bad. They feel like a failure for not “complying” with the rules. Or they’ve been restricting for so long that they just can’t take it anymore.

It’s this kind of attitude that has me following the #antidiet movement. We are NOT failures! It’s these diets that make us FEEL like failures. Now that I’ve been off the diets for a few months, I NEVER feel like a failure. Sure, I have days where I eat more than I probably should, or have a few extra treats. But the difference is, I don’t beat myself up about it. I learn from my experience and forgive myself. I also know that it’s life! It’s okay to overeat sometimes. It’s okay to overindulge sometimes. That is part of the enjoyment of life.

I spent too many years sitting on the sidelines not enjoying my life because I was so consumed with what I “should” and “shouldn’t” eat according to the latest diet plan.

I often think back to my grandma, and if she were here and I told her about the Whole30 (or any other diet plan) she would probably ask me what the word “diet” meant!

As I mentioned above, I always come back to these simple ideals…eat real, whole foods from all the food groups in moderation. And also…don’t think so much!! We all get so caught up in our heads and with over-analyzing  that we forget that simplicity really is best. Eat with the carefree abandon you had as a kid. Eat when you’re hungry and eat for nourishment. That’s it.

Have you done or considered doing the Whole30? What was your experience? Are you ready to drop the diets too and get back to simplicity?

The post Why I’ll Never Do The Whole30 appeared first on The Fit Housewife.

Article source here:The Fit Housewife

[playingwithmytoy-blog]

Chronicles of a Wannabe DomThis is How it Ended

This journal is inspired by a failed attempt at a Dom/sub BDSM relationship.  It is to clear the air and get a lot of things out of my system.  The sub in questions has gone on to a 24/7 full on slave/master arrangement.  Me? I’m writing this

To say I’m sad is accurate.   It was an ego boosting, inspiring and fun time.  I learned a lot about people and about myself.  As with a lot of things, serendipity was responsible for this whole thing starting - and finishing.

BDSM or my interest in is had grown over the years. The BDSM website Fetlife both fed and grew my interest.  Sooner or later I was going to have to try this.  Initially, I leaned towards my love of pampering women and towards a more submissive role, but that didn’t seem to suit very well.  I started identifying as Dominant.  Now the thing with Doms on Fetlife or any similar site is that the ratio of male Doms and female subs is approximately 100 million to one. 999,999,000 of them just want a fuck where they can be assholes. So therefore the rest of us share the same stigma.

The opportunity to find a matching sub online is therefore not a fun exercise. 

Now a bit of background.  The thing is I am married to a wonderful woman.  I’m not going to run out the old cliché about not being a sexual relationship, she doesn’t understand me......  None of that.  BDSM is not a subject that would be a welcome discussion topic over a hot cocoa at bed time.   There is no doubt that I am an asshole and should be ashamed of myself. That is fully acknowledged.    However, I was close to bursting point and felt I needed to release the pressure. No question, I should not have done this, but I did.

The world today makes it so easy to get what you want. Temptation is everywhere. Advertising tempts us, the internet gives you all that you need to know, where and when you can get it.  This in no way gives me a free pass at all, I don’t want one.  All I can say is that it happened.

How did I go about it given my limitations and the overwhelming odds with Fetlife?  Now in crowds I am a little reserved.  Fetlife users create events and meet and greets called munches.  The events could be full on BDSM play or information and training events.

I attended some of each and met some good people who were of great support. I got to try some of the things I had been interested in.  But still no regular play friend, it didn’t seem like what I should do. I craved being able to go on a journey with a like-minded partner.

Now to the serendipitous discovery of my sub.  I decided that the itch I had to scratch was getting to uncomfortable and I had to do something about it.  So I chose a commercial route.  I looked for an escort who would provide me with the experience that I wanted.  In some ways this is a fairly simply exercise, go into almost any parlour and there is likely to be someone that would “service” you.  I started making some phone calls and was not overwhelmed by the commitment and ability to deliver the necessary “service”

That was until the phone was answered by (let’s call her) “Abby”.  Now Abby was quite enthusiastic when I mentioned that I wanted a sub.  Her responses were genuine I felt and we talked for some time.  Now I am not an impulse buyer.  I like to mull over things before I buy a product or a service.  In the meantime, Abby had left the agency and was out of town for a while.  Damn!  A month or so later, I tried the same agency to see if anyone new matched what I felt Abby would offer.  To my surprise Abby answered and remembered our conversation. We talked again and it was a nice experience.  I agreed to come in she got cold feet and went out to have her nails done!  

I called and talked to her again maybe a week or so later.  We started breaking down barriers and getting to know each other better.  Abby was looking for a real D/s relationship and was keen to devote herself as a fulltime submissive.  The commercial aspect was no longer on the table and we progressed from there.  Swapping a series of texts and phone calls resulted in me finding out more about her and getting her comfortable to share her deepest thoughts.  Eventually it was time for us to meet and to try a play session.  This was a little restricted as I meet her at the agency where she had a room as she was from out of town.

Right from this point I was feeling a little nervous as what Abby wanted I wasn’t sure that I could deliver.  We were however finding out more and more about what each other’s wants and needs were so there was progress. It just seemed to evolve, the texts and chats became more frequent and we went deeper into this.  All of a sudden it was several months and we were entwined.

Abby started writing a journal which she sent me most days.  They were her way of telling me how she was feeling and also to say anything that she didn’t feel comfortable in saying to me directly. She had loved writing as a child and had not had the drive or motivation to write, so this was a part of the dynamic that she particularly enjoyed.  

Abby was so open and the more we went on, the deeper she was digging into her thoughts to share with me.  I really started to care very much about this sub that had miraculously landed in my lap.  There was laughter, very intimate moments, tears and a lot of angst on both sides.  On more than one occasion there were phone calls late at night to help Abby work through an issue with work, her children and other things important to her.  There was a particularly heart wrenching distress call from a CYPS office while dealing with the visitations rights for one of her children.  That tore me apart and I was only just able to give her a firm shoulder to cry on.

So, why did I go into this?  Why did I let it go on?  What was I thinking?  So initially, I thought that it would be a simple clean financial transaction.  Urge satisfied, job done.  I could tell early on the Abby was genuine, that she was truly submissive and I fell for her very early on.  She gave me exactly what I needed.  Yes, I felt guilty.  It was bad and I really have no defence.  Something inside kept rationalising it as an escort transaction although it CLEARLY was not and had become much more than that.  In fact it just kept evolving and I got drawn in deeper, I felt more and more committed and felt more and more responsible for Abby.   The months raced by and the commitment got greater.        

The BDSM side of things stuttered along however.  There were a few reasons  for this which included mainly my inexperience, Abby’s inexperience, a lack of proper play space (note an escort agency is NOT in fact conducive to BDSM sessions!), Abby travelled home regularly.  These points made getting her properly trained and into a regular routine were difficult.  This led to Abby feeling that this wasn’t what she wanted.  She rebelled a lot just to be put back in her place.  Something that I hadn’t quite mastered.

Without proper routine, it was in fact hard to pick up transgressions as everything was always adhoc and infrequent.  This led to more bouncing around and therefore less routine.....  There were several points where we took a break and didn’t have contact for sometimes weeks.  Abby still kept coming back and telling me she needed me, or at least my support to get her to her next step of her journey.  For my part, I wanted to be that support and to get her to that next step.  

Although the point that I am writing this Sept 2017 some 15 months after it started may be the absolute end of all contact, there were at least 6-10 occasions where we had said our final goodbyes.  So I have had these feelings regularly over the last six months. It doesn’t get any easier.

To be honest I feel bad as I did a lousy job as a Dom.  I tried my best, but given all the issues, I couldn’t deliver.  This grates with me and is a major regret.  One thing that I don’t regret is tripping over this sub and having the privilege to care for her.  In our initial discussions, she feared being left as a mindless useless shell of a woman unable to care for herself.  I took that on board and focussed on making sure she kept in touch with friends and more importantly family.  I didn’t want her totally dependent on me.  It was much more satisfying to “tame” (quotation marks because I’m not sure that I did!!) a woman who was strong independent and successful.  I promised her very early on that I would leave her in a much better position than I found her in.  On parting Abby confirmed that this had happened and acknowledged my part in this.  

In my defence, Abby’s journals understandably took some time to open up and to go deeper.  Some patterns were already set by then.  By the time I knew exactly what Abby wanted and was able to say exactly what I was offering and identify the gap, we had travelled a decent distance on our journey.  I knew I couldn’t give her the type of d/s relationship that she wanted.  Abby would become angry at me for not being able to do so – although she found it hard to say so in those exact words.

On more than one occasion, she told me to fuck off and she was out. Something kept bringing us back together.  She had a fiery temper and it didn’t take much to feel how hot it got.  This was a project for us and we worked on getting this under control.  Abby responded well and her relationships with co-workers, family and friends improved. 

She allowed me to help with issues she was having with family and friends.  Where she was going to live, her work situation.  Abby would be the first to agree that the agency she worked for at first was an absolute dive.  I nearly walked out straight away.  My goal was to get her out of that environment and for her to work in a better quality agency.  We talked about her going back to her previous profession or mixing the two.  There was also the issue of her children.  There was a messy separation and Abby had skipped town to get a bit of a rest and to re-focus.  Getting her back to her home town was important to me.  She had a few fences to mend and she needed to be close to her children.  

There were two main drivers in wanting Abby to move back home.  Firstly, she wanted a fulltime 24/7 d/s relationship that I just couldn’t offer her.  This was becoming clear for both of us, although it fairly much went unsaid.   I was married and couldn’t commit any more than I was currently meant that this would be a way of ending direct contact and hopefully continuing as friends.  This was a bit cowardly, but I am openly stating the facts and can be judged by them.

Secondly, Abby had some issues with family and a divorce and she needed to be near her children. She needed to be home to deal with all of that. Above all Abby needed stability so she could re-group and attack the world again. 

Selfishly, I wish that I had pushed for her to live in my city and only make regular trips back to her home town.  However a lovely house and flatmate in her city were found and things started to fall into place.  Relationships with family started to get much better which was very satisfying.  She found a nice supportive agency to work and then started working for herself.  Abby seemed to be happy. 

I didn’t want to abandon her though as Abby struggled without someone to be there for her, so I stayed available for what she needed.   I cared for her and felt I had made the commitment and needed to go the distance.  My thinking was that if she at least had me in the background, she wouldn’t feel forced to make impulse decisions.  

In the background, Abby was still very much yearning for a d/s relationship.  She wanted it badly having realised that this is what she wanted and why previous vanilla relationships didn’t work out.  She had been introduced to BDSM and she wanted more and to go deeper.  Now Abby is not a patient woman by any means.  I was worried that she would not take enough care in selecting a Dom to fulfil her needs, so I kept in touch and tried to slow her down a bit.  I encouraged her to stay on Fetlife (in fact I filled out a lot of her profile, joined her up with local groups) and attend a local munch and which is where her current Dom surfaced.

I have very clear views on him, that run along the lines of “he’s not good enough for her” I knew that she would find another Dom. That was inevitable.   I just imagined that he would be I don’t know – better.  The circumstances around how the relationship started were also not from what I would deem Dom best practise. However I told her that I respected her decision and would support her choice 100% I added the rider that I didn’t need to like him.

Early on, I feared for Abby’s safety as I felt that a lot of her barriers were down with this guy and I know that she desperately wanted a 24/7 d/s relationship with a healthy dose of vanilla thrown in.  On the face of it this guy offered that.  Abby is loyal and is quick to trust people, well dominants in particular.  She wants this so badly.  It is her, it makes her whole.  I know this and it worried me that she might get taken advantage of.  

However the more I looked at what was happening, the more I relaxed about this.  I remembered that Abby’s profession was handling men, she also is a survivor.  She can get men to do a lot of things that they thought they didn’t want to do.  The behaviour of the ‘master’ seemed a bit submissive at times too.  Abby is a real survivor.  I mean this in the most complimentary way.  She can handle people and make them (me included) feel that she needs them and they should look after her.  She has this guy wrapped around her finger I feel as she probably had me wrapped around her finger if I’m honest.

Now raising any issues made me seem the jealous ex type.  I felt I’d already served my time as the ex and had moved up to friend status.  So I thought that I had a right to look after my friend.  The new Dom had no direct association with me so was of secondary concern.  To be fair to me Abby also raised some concerns that were similar to mine, I tried to play devil’s advocate and push her to think things through and set everything up right from the start.

There were signs that the new Dom was not all that he seemed. His insistence that she spend time with him a home with him restricts her ability to earn money in her chosen profession.  It is a profession that he suggested he was comfortable with, but brings it up when he needs to justify his desire to play with other women.  This was something Abby was dead against.  

There was a very quick progression from first meeting to collared slave (Abby had identified as a sub up to this point) to giving up her house and moving in to getting engaged.  All this within three weeks.  I really want to believe in love at first sight, but add the dynamics and safety issues relating to a d/s relationship and this seems crazy fast.

Now money and status aren’t everything, but with great speed, the unemployed Master who is nearly 60 and renting, produced a calculation giving Abby her share of the rent which she should arrange to be in each Thursday starting straight away thanks.   Now remember that Abby was earning good money as an escort.  She was able to travel a bit and provide her tech savvy teenage son with all the gadgets.  From week four she was covering all the rent and paying for food, power etc.

It may be unfair to Abby, but the having the opportunity to have her dream relationship scenario at her finger tips, has made her willing to compromise and overlook some of these issues.  There were the promises that he will keep it in his pants and that financially things will get better etc. etc.  One thing that Doms are good at is spinning a line and in the worst cases distorting a subs view of the facts.

Once the new master had come into the picture and looked permanent, Abby and I agreed that we would cut contact to allow them a fair chance to work things out.  I had said my bit, voiced my concerns.  I really stressed that I just wanted her to be happy and would support her choices. It was not my preference to cut ties, but I respected the reasoning.  The pace at which Abby was being taken through this new partnership caused though a few hiccups.  On a few occasions after agreeing to cut ties, Abby needed to talk to me and I honoured my promise to always be there for her, I wouldn’t contact her, but if she really needed to she knew that she could contact me and I would answer.

I found that I was sucked back into their new relationship in a vicious circle.  By still talking with Abby, ‘master’ felt that I was putting the doubts in her head, but I wasn’t making choices for him or making him do and say the things he did. The speed of events needs to be acknowledged here again.  He started to focus on me to counter valid concerns that Abby had.  In hindsight, I feel that I made it easier for him to secure her.  Abby for her part wanted me to tell her what decision to make.  I just tried to get her to tell me that she really was happy so I could tell her to go for it.  I never told her once to stop with him. Only to slow it down so she was comfortable and able to feel that she is involved in the process.  I feel like a bit of a sap.  

Now a week ago, we exchanged what I thought was really going to be our absolute very last Fetlife message and contact.  I was coming to grips with this and as a way of clearing things out I decided to post a journal on my Fetlife page.  It was similar to this in that it covered the way our relationship had ended and how I felt about it.  To my surprise within a day of posting, I got a ‘reply’ from the new Master. It was longer than my journal, which like this rambled.  It took issue with my account of things and was pretty full on even as far as quoting what I said and identifying which paragraph it was in.  There was all sorts of holier than thou crap about how he was so pure and that he was 247 in the lifestyle as if that were a badge of honour. He said what went wrong was because I was a cheating scum.  Yes, this bit partly true – refer above.  Now, kettle calling the pot black?  He had wanted a 2nd slave and had actively gone after one ignoring Abby’s views. The fact he was a bum and had found a woman to earn for him was not mentioned and a few other things that I have found out about him as well.  I easily found people willing to give uncomplimentary views of him.  The Fet community is smallish and there are good people around who do like to look after the community.

The fact that the “master” was trying to control what I write and where I post journals got my back up so I sent Abby a message written with passion and not much of a filter.  This was the first time that I had contravened our agreement to only reply to her and to not make first (re-)contact.  I felt that they were both attacking me and trying to decide what I was allowed to write about how I was feeling about something the happened to ME.

She wanted to talk.  What followed were two or three days of intense discussion and tears about her concerns at being isolated from people and concerns that she was losing her self-confidence and her self-esteem was at a low level.  The ‘master’ stamped his feet, got her to block my phone and Fetlife profile and to not contact me or receive any contact from me.  Now you will remember that as far as I knew, we were no longer in contact until he attacked my post and caused me to react.

At this point I am very worried.  I’m afraid that Abby’s independence will be stripped from her.  She needs this to remain the survivor that she is. I do so wish that I am 100% wrong and that one day in the future Abby will contact me and tell me that I was worrying for nothing and that the new guy is actually pretty good for her.  I am really hanging out for that phone call text or email.

What I wished was that I could have helped Abby to realise that she should be patient and that the right Dom would find her and want to look after her that she doesn’t need to show that she needs to be looked after.  That she is a special person and has the makings of a fine submissive.  She has so much going for her that all she needs is patience and the right one would come along.

 But as we go to print, I have no idea how this will play out and no way of ever finding out.  So this will continue to gnaw away at me for ever.  

 I miss her and totally regret not being able to deliver the d/s relationship that she deserves.

Now most of our discussions were about Abby’s life and what was going on, partly by my guidance, we didn’t talk too much about me.  I assume that Abby knew that I was married and that she was somewhat happy with that (I was wrong)   My concerns for Abby’s wellbeing are starting to creep into the rest of my life with an inability to sleep and an inability to concentrate on work hence the long journal.  This is not to feel sorry for me or to give you something to attack me with.  It is simply my account of things and my feelings.

 Abby, if you trip over this, I hope that you really do forgive me and that you are truly happy.  It would be wonderful to sit down face to face and for you to tell me how you are living your dream d/s life with just the right dash of vanilla.  I hope to trip over a blog of yours as well and hopefully I will finally understand you.  

 I would tell you that the way we our communication ended is wrong.  That I was not the threat to the relationship that ‘master’ painted me as.  You know this.  I at no stage did I suggest that we get back together.  You had moved on, we both acknowledged that I couldn’t offer you what you wanted and couldn’t go as far with BDSM as you want to so it  wasn’t going to work out.  I had come to terms with that

I knew that I was an outlet for you to discuss things with.  This isn’t something that you can necessarily talk to your parents about!  Ironically I started to understand the lines within the lines of your journals and how I didn’t read them properly the first time.  This I found out in the way that you tried to tell ‘master’ to slow down and he just ran over the top of you.  I think that I used to do that too.  Seeing it happen from the side line showed me what a dick I had been, so I would apologise for that.

I would tell you that I still care what happens to you and that I would re-connect as friends in a heartbeat.  In the meantime, whether I have been blocked or not, I will keep my distance and really hope that you are not contacted me because there is nothing that you need to talk to me about because you are totally happy.  I pray that you are not thinking that I wouldn’t answer your call and that’s the reason you won’t contact me.

Abby, be safe, be happy and I hope the journey that we started on takes you beyond the moon and past the stars.

  ���z�'

[ronaldmrashid]

The One Ingredient Necessary For Achieving Financial Independence

A couple FIRE (Financial Independence Retire Early) friends and I were having some beers the other night when we got to discussing what were the things that most helped us achieve financial independence at a relatively early age. Here were some of the responses:

Saving aggressively

Investing in stocks and real estate

Earning side income

Taking risks in our careers

Working ungodly long hours

Relocating to areas with huge job growth despite the higher cost of living

Leveraging the internet

Starting a business

All of these things helped me leave the rat race early as well. But the #1 thing that drove me, which nobody mentioned, was FEAR. More specifically, the fear of failure. Let me share some examples to explain what I mean. Then perhaps you can share your own in the comments section below. 

Fear As The Greatest Motivator

Childhood Expectations

My parents told me at an early age that academics was the main way to a better life because I wasn’t going to become a professional tennis player. They instilled in me a fear that if I was a C-student, I’d only be able to live a C-or-worse lifestyle.

Not only did I fear living a mediocre lifestyle as an adult, I also feared disappointing my parents. I was always getting into trouble as a kid, and each time I did, I saw the shame in their eyes. I finally stopped being a degenerate once I went to college.

Throughout my childhood, my parents worked long hours. I especially felt bad for my mother who didn’t particularly enjoy the foreign service work she did. Foreign service work was my father’s dream, not my mother’s.

I remember visiting her at one day in at the US Embassy in Kuala Lumpur as a surprise. I didn’t quite understand what she did, only that she worked in the cultural attaché department. She was always so chipper at work, and her colleagues always sang her praises. It felt like a wonderland to roam around the halls of what seemed like a fortress at the time.

When I arrived, she was tidying up the magazines on the coffee table. Instead of working in her own office, my mom worked in the reception area outside of her bosses big office. Oh, I got it now. Maybe foreign service work isn’t so great after all. I was 12 years old.

She told me how she had sacrificed her dream of becoming a biologist by foregoing a graduate scholarship from Duke University to marry my father. She still had what most would call a great adventure. But I knew deep down she will always wonder what could have been. If my mother was going to give up her professional dreams for her children, I damn well wasn’t going to disappoint her!

Work

Working in the financial services industry since 1999 always made me paranoid about losing my job. The industry is highly cyclical, which means during down cycles, there are always multiple rounds of layoffs. Without a job, I would feel like a failure. And without a steady paycheck, I wouldn’t be able to pay my mortgages on time.

The fear of being one of the thousands of people let go during the dotcom bust and the housing crisis led me to work extra long hours in order to add as much value as possible to my firm. Whenever I felt miserable working at 11pm to catch my Asia-based colleagues after getting in before 6am, I always reminded myself of friends who were blown out. Then I’d just gut it through one day at at time.

It wasn’t until I started listening to the lifestyles of other people working in other industries did I realize how abnormal was it to always be in fear of losing your job. But it was this perpetual fear that made me save 50% – 80% of my paycheck every year, figure out the best way to invest my money, and create outlets to one day have the option to escape from the corporate world. If I was comfortable at work, I’d ironically still be working.

Related: Overcoming “The One More Year Syndrome” To Do Something New

Blogging

I enjoy blogging. I really do. Every morning feels like Christmas because it’s always so fun to read what other people have to say.

However, there’s really no good reason to continue publishing 3X a week anymore. Today’s posts reach 100X as many people as they once did eight long years ago. But because I publicly made a commitment to write 3X a week for 10 years in a row, however, I fear being labeled as weak or a failure if I don’t follow through.

You guys don’t know how many times I’ve wanted to just pass out at midnight, but forced myself to write a new article until 2:30am just so I could meet my publishing objective. I have this fear of letting you down, especially those of you may be going through a difficult time financially. I remember how soothing it was to read and interact with other folks during the financial crisis.

For the longest time, I’ve sent the message to never fail due to a lack of effort because hard work requires no skill. Therefore, if I stop working hard, then I’m just another hypocrite who doesn’t follow his own advice. July 1, 2019 can’t come soon enough so I can relax a little more!

Related: Why Blogging Is The Best Business In The World

Society

Believe it or not, as a minority, it’s a little harder to get ahead when there is hardly anybody who looks like you in leadership positions.

When I lived in various Asian countries growing up, I was the majority. Everything felt normal. But when I arrived in Virginia as a high school freshman, the contrasting reality of being a minority  instead of a majority became clearly apparent. Overnight it seemed I had to address stereotypes, listen to racial slurs, and endure various forms of discrimination that I had never encountered while living in Taiwan, Malaysia, or Japan. You learn to just suck it up after a while and move forward.

I feared being pigeon holed as a Asian guy who was only good at math and science. Therefore, I worked extra hard on my athletics and went to a liberal arts school to become a more well-rounded person. I wasn’t going to let my minority status keep me from achieving the lifestyle I wanted. But growing up, I feared society would never let me be who I really wanted to become.

Related: Income By Race: Why Do Asians Have The Highest Earnings?

Money

Ever since I lived in Malaysia as a 11-13 year old, I’ve been hyper aware of the haves and the have-nots. To see some of my friends live so poorly really wigged me out as a kid. I often questioned why life was so unfair for so many people. As a result, I made a promise never to take any job or financial opportunity for granted. I wanted my kids to grow up being able to study and play rather than being forced to work to help support the family.

After you’ve achieved your retirement number, will you continue to work as hard? For most folks, I think they may decide to take things down a notch. For me, however, I’ve made it a priority to press on, as if I am always starting from scratch.

Growing up seeing poverty on a daily basis makes one afraid of one day losing everything. You’re always wondering when your luck will run out. And the longer you go without any unfortunate events, the more you brace yourself for cataclysmic disaster.

Related: The Average Net Worth For The Above Average Person

Physical Fitness

At age 40, despite already having sufficient money and a family, the reason why I haven’t let myself go is not due to pride or vanity, but because I fear health problems and and an early death. I know way too many people who have come down with high blood pressure, high cholesterol, strokes, heart disease, fatty liver disease, and diabetes due to poor diet and obesity.

My obese friend told me that because he doesn’t fear an early death and has no family depending on him, he’s happy to eat whatever he wants. He enjoys food more than he enjoys the chance at a healthier life. “If I die early, so be it! I’m not going to deny myself my greatest pleasure just for the unknown chance of living until 90.”

I know people who are vegans or who aggressively count calories. Wow how they restrict their lifestyles for health. Ironically, those in the worst shape seem to have the most courage to live the good life without caring what anybody else thinks.

As a parent, the #1 fear I have is not being able to live long enough to see my son grow up to be a happy, independent man. Therefore, I am on a mission to fit into my 32″ 33″ inch jeans for the next 25 years.

Related: Track Everything! We Are Eating And Spending Way Too Much

Harness Your Fears For A Better Life

As time passes, I’ve been able to be less afraid. Academics, work, and societal fears are behind me now. The fear of not being a good blogger is also fading since I’m 8 years into a 10 year commitment. I probably won’t fall into poverty due to the financial buffers I’ve created for my financial buffers. However, this doesn’t stop me from trying to earn more since my fear of poverty is so deep-rooted.

My greatest fear now is not being a good enough father. I pray I will have the patience to teach him how to always think of others first. I hope I have the kindness to be encouraging, and never critical. One day, maybe my son will tell me he couldn’t have asked for a better dad. But before that day comes, I must earn his love.

Don’t let fear paralyze you. Instead, use fear as motivation to do better. The fear in our heads is often greater than reality. I’ve found this to be true time and time again.

Related: What Does Financial Independence Feel Like?

Readers, what are some of your fears that make you stronger? Do you use fear as a motivator? Why are we so afraid of taking a chance in the developed world? What are some things you fear? 

from http://www.financialsamurai.com/the-one-ingredient-necessary-for-achieving-financial-independence/

[lonelyxalien]

365 Day Journal Challenge

365 day journal prompts

365 Day Journal Challenge

What is your number one goal this year?

What are you most grateful for?

Are you content?

What is your best memory of last year?

Can people change?

What made you smile today?

Who last called you on the phone?

Who are you in love with?

The best part of today was______

What’s the hardest thing you’re dealing with?

Today I wish I had more _____

What made today unusual?

What are you looking for from life?

Who is the last people to tell you they loved you?

What is your favorite piece of art you own?

Whats the last thing you apologized for?

On a scale of 1-10 how is your health?

If you could do today over, would you change anything?

I wish I had _____

Last think you wanted but didn’t get.

What mood were you in today?

What was the last new thing you tried?

My biggest hope is ______

What has challenged your morals?

What kind of car are you driving?

List your pets.

Today I felt really secure knowing ______

Whose life did you make a difference in today?

What is your super power?

What is annoying you?

What would have made today perfect?

What stresses you?

Your relationship status and how you feel about it.

Where you’d like to be in ten years.

Your views on drugs and alcohol.

What is your zodiac sign? Does it fit your personality?

What do you hope your future will be like?

Write about your first love.

Put your iPod on shuffle and write down the first ten songs that pop up.

What were your highs and lows of the past year?

Write a letter to your parents.

Write a letter to your reflection in the mirror.

Write a letter to someone who broke your heart.

How important do you think education is?

List five celebrities that you’re attracted to.

What is your favorite movie? What is it about?

What kind of person attracts you?

A problem that you’ve had.

Someone/something you miss.

Someone who fascinates you and why?

Who would you love to trade places with for a day and why?

What is your most treasured item?

Your biggest insecurity.

Something that you want to do before you die.

What is something that makes your heart break?

Something that you’re extremely afraid of.

What food are you craving right now?

What was the last dream you remember about?

A habit you wish you didn’t have.

Describe the room you’re in right now.

A dead person you’d like to talk to and why?

Go look in the mirror. What’s the first thing you notice?

What song makes you dance?

Name a cartoon you loved as a kid.

Your ultimate feast?

Had any collections as a kid?

What super power do you wish you had?

Go up to your best friend, hand her this notebook and say “write anything about me.”

How do you feel about gay marriage?

What’s one thing you’d like to change about your school?

How do you feel about abortion?

If you could write a book what would it be about?

Write about how your favorite book makes you feel.

Write about how your favorite movie makes you feel.

Write about how your favorite song makes you feel.

Write a letter to your future husband.

Write about what’s on your mind.

Write about your elementary school.

Write about middle school.

Write about high school.

What is your dream job? Write about it.

What is one goal you have?

What degree do you want in college (if you’re going), and why?

What is your favorite color? How does it make you feel?

List 20 things that make you happy.

What’s your favorite recipe? How do you like to make it?

Write about an odd holiday and how you would celebrate it.

What’s your favorite animal? Why?

Are you confident about how you look? Why/why not?

Favorite T.V. show? Why?

If you could live anywhere in the world, where would it be and why?

Which fiction book/movie do you want to be true?

If you were to die tomorrow, who would you spend your last day with? Why?

What is one quote that inspires you the most?

Are you introvert or extrovert?

Things you can’t live without? Why?

What is the first thing you notice about the opposite gender?

If you were to spend the rest of your life with one person, who would it be? Why?

What would you change about your physical appearance?

What would you change about your personality?

Describe one of your friends.

What did you do today?

If you could learn any language which would you choose?

Five ways to win your heart?

Something you feel strongly about.

A book you love.

Bullet your whole day.

Things you want to say to an ex.

What are your views on mainstream music?

Five pet peeves.

What did you eat today?

Your family.

Five guys you find attractive.

What did you wear today?

What is something you always think “what if…” about?

What is something you’re proud of?

Five items you lust after?

What are your fears?

What is your view on religion?

A time you thought about ending your life.

Write 30 interesting facts about yourself.

What was a moment where you felt the most satisfied with your life?

Discuss your first love and first kiss.

What is your earliest memory?

What are your favorite Tumblrs?

Your beliefs.

How have you changed in the past two years?

Goals for the next 30 days?

Your highs and lows of this month?

I was…

I am…

I think….

I wonder….

I wish….

I save…

I always….

I cant imagine….

I believe….

I promise….

I love….

What is the weather like?

Where do you work?

What is your favorite season? Why?

What is your favorite place outdoors?

Your hobby.

What are your chores?

In the garden…

What makes you giggle?

Something pretty?

What is your favorite city?

10 facts about the city you live in.

Favorite person.

What is your favorite poem?

Use the letters of your name to spell out characteristics

What was the last movie you saw?

10 reasons why you love something/someone/someplace.

10 favorite songs.

Who inspires you?

What would your perfect world be like?

What are some things you are looking forward to?

I will not be defined by…

Say thank you to someone.

Happiness is…

How do you love?

What are some different roles that you play in life?

If you could design the house of your dreams, what would it look like?

If you could scream something at the top of your lungs right now, what would it be?

What does this season feel/smell/sound/look/taste like?

When was the last time you went out and just played?

Who am i?

What would you do with three wishes?

I wish someone told me…

Do you believe in fate?

What was the best you ever gave?

What is the sweetest thing anyone has ever done for you?

What do you love most about where you live?

When you think back to your childhood, what moment first comes to mind?

What makes you glow?

Which song do you have on repeat right now?

How do you make decisions?

What were you doing this time last year?

What’s your favorite holiday?

When you close your eyes and imagine yourself as passionate, giddy, inspired and joyful… what are you doing/creating in that moment?

What am I taking for granted?

What brings you joy?

What sparks your creativity?

What do you never want to forget?

What kind of goddess are you?

What are you crossing your fingers for?

Why did I do that?

What three words would someone use to describe me?

Do you have a recurring dream? What is it?

What are your favorite days of summer/winter filled with?

What have you found lately?

On my walls I would write…

Have you had a hug today?

What is something you don’t understand, but you want to?

How can I be kinder to myself?

If you had a free day with NO restrictions, what would you choose to do?

What is your latest obsession?

What gives you hope?

What’s on your to-do list this week?

What is the truth?

What makes you you?

What is the last good book you read?

What was my worst hairstyle experience to date?

What keeps me awake at night?

What was the last brave thing you did?

What was the last thing that made you laugh out loud?

What would you do if you knew you could not fail?

If you could do it all again, would you change anything?

When I look into my eyes I see…

Do you believe in fairies?

Are you afraid of change?

Who do you sometimes compare yourself to?

What’s the most sensible thing you’ve ever heard someone say?

What gets you excited about life?

What life lesson did you learn the hard way?

An important person in your life.

What’s a secret wish you have?

What masks do you wear?

A word. (open the dictionary and pick one at random)

The things I love about my life are…

What are your thoughts on cosmetic or plastic surgery?

Describe someone who you would consider a hero.

What effect does music have on you?

Describe your daily routine when you get out of bed in the morning.

What five traits do people first notice when they meet you for the first time?

List 3 things that went right (or wrong) today.

If you could tell they world just one thing, what would you say?

Do you believe in love at first sight?

What would you do if you were president of the United States?

You have an extra $100,000 to give away; you cannot spend it on yourself. What would you do with the money?

What qualities make a best friend?

What is something you do well?

What is something you are optimistic about?

What do you think if 3D movies?

What do you think about people who are inconsiderate of others?

What do you think of someone who has bad manners?

What do you think of people who take advantage of others?

What do you think about when you cant fall asleep?

I wish I had a million… Then I would….

I wish I on… because…

I wish I could forget the time i…. because…

I wish I could see… because…

I wish I could learn…. Because…

I wish I had enough money to….

I wish animals could… if they could then….

If all my wishes came true, I would…

Think of a teacher, relative, or adult that you respect and want to impress. What is it about that person that makes you want to do well for them?

Would you rather live in another era or culture? Explain.

Have you ever felt lost? Literally or figuratively? Explain.

Describe your bedroom. How does it describe you?

If you could spend an hour with the president, what are 10 questions you would like to ask him?

Describe your favorite band/artist. What makes them so great?

How do you feel about using humans in medical research?

What book setting would you like to visit if you could?

In what ways do you sometimes wish to act to be a better friend, but don’t? Why do you find yourself unable to do these things?

Where would you go to relax and why?

Where would you most like the watch the sun come up? Why?

What are some colors you see the most in your everyday life?

What are things that you wish people knew about you without your having to tell them

If you suddenly gained the ability to tell whether someone was lying, would you use it?

What foreign countries have you been to? Which ones do you want to go to?

Tell about a habit that you picked up from a family member or friend.

Think of five things that are usually endearing or touching.

Why do you always do this to me?

What is your take on soul mates?

Dear past me…

Dear future me…

Nobody know that I …

How do you deal with anger?

How easy is it for you to forgive those who have caused you pain?

Traditions.

What grand adventure do you wish to go on?

How do you stand out from the crowd?

How would you describe yourself?

Who would you trust with your deepest, darkest secrets?

Did you ever hold an unpopular opinion or belief? With what results?

10 popular things that you could not care less about.

Is there anything you “just know” and have no explainable or rational way to explain how you know it?

What music album would be used for a movie about your life?

What’s the worst mistake or decision you have ever made? What could you have done differently?

Name a totally useless possession and how you came to acquire it.

If you invented a device that could fix one problem you are facing right now, would you use it? What problem would you like to solve?

Have you ever carved your name or initials into a tree or stone?

What has inspired you to hold on when all looked lost?

How are you feeling today?

What are the qualities that you possess that make you so wonderful?

Name something you lost or gave away that can never be replaced.

Would you rather live a short life full of wonderful memories or a long life with no significant experiences in it?

If you could do one thing with no one finding out, what would it be?

What’s your favorite quote?  What do you think it says about you?

Do you like how people see you?

Have you ever fallen out of love?

What’s your favorite number?

If you were a crayon what color would you be?

Do you have any tattoos? Do you want any? What do they mean to you?

What is your definition of beauty?

What’s the best present you’ve ever received?

What’s your favorite part of your body?

Do you have a best friend?

Would you rather have a relationship with love or one with sex? Why?

Do you want to get married?

Do you want to have kids?

Have you ever cried for no reason?

What is your favorite month?

Are you too shy to ask someone out?

Are you missing someone?

Do you believe in ghosts?

If your life was a game, what game would it be?

What would you say is your most prominent physical feature?

What is your relationship like with your parents?

Do you have any nicknames? What are they?

What is the worst injury you’ve ever had?

Do you believe that first true love never dies?

What kind of person are you?

How can you prove your love to someone?

Do you have trust issues?

Are you good at holding back your tears?

Have you ever experienced being hysterical?

What would your dream date be like?

Two people you want to be with right now.

How do you do your hair/makeup? Why?

Write about your first crush. Who was it?

What would you name your kids if you have any?

What is your opinion on cheating on people?

Get something off your chest.

When was the last time you cried?

What do you think about most?

What’s a sound you hate? Love?

Do you have any strange phobias?

Do you prefer being behind the camera or in front of the camera?

What was the last lie you told?

Do you believe in karma?

What is your greatest weakness? Strength?

Are you easy to get along with?

Name something that makes you happy.

Name something that makes you furious.

What do you say in an awkward silence?

What was your longest relationship? Who was it with?

When was the last time you really laughed?

How many people can you tell just about everything? Who are they?

What do you miss most about childhood?

What is your middle name? How do you feel about it?

Does your name define you?

What is your favorite word? Why?

What is your favorite Disney movie?

Which is your favorite Disney princess? Why?

Favorite time of day?

Do you like your style? Do you want to change it? What would you change it to?

If you had the option to be rich and famous would you take it?

Who are you closest to?

Describe the best day of your life so far.

Write a letter to someone contemplating suicide.

What’s the most embarrassing thing that’s ever happened to you?

What do you worry about the most?

What’s your favorite song? What does it say about you?

What do you want to do with your life?

What’s the best Halloween costume you’ve ever had?

What has been your favorite concert you’ve ever attended?

How do you think people see you?

What would pop into someone’s mind when they hear your name?

What has changed in the last year?

What were the highs and lows of this year?

These were taken from Here Other Ideas Here And another list Here

Choose your list based on your preferences :)

[divinelydivorced]

Anchors, Islands, and Waves

A plethora of self-help books have been occupying my free time as of late.  Especially when a new dilemma arises, my natural tendency is to turn towards knowledge for answers.   Like many of my female friends, within me exists the need to overanalyze everything so as to find closure and avoid making similar mistakes in the future. Yes, I realize this can lead to an unhealthy obsession and, yes, I know simply accepting the events of life as is and moving forward is a far more valuable way to spend my time.  But we all have coping mechanisms.   So, take the cookie out of your own mouth, so to speak, and let me do my thing.  

Although I’ve been reading a wide array of self-help books, including those on healthy eating, meditation, mindfulness, starting a business, and more, my latest read is entitled “Wired for Dating,” by Stan Tatkin. Actually, this is the abbreviated title, created to be eye-catching.  The full-length title is “Wired for Dating: How Understanding Neurobiology and Attachment Style Can Help You Find Your Ideal Mate.”  The first part is of little interest as the dating world simply isn’t appealing to me right now.  Maybe a “quick fix” to keep the dating part of my brain stimulated, but I’ll pass on engaging in the search for a serious life partner.

What did stand out to me, though, was the neurobiology and attachment style assessment of the book.  I want to find out why I am the way I am in relationships and better understand where my potential romantic partners are coming from too.  In fact, this may offer the much-needed closure I’ve longed for with several past relationships.  This book is dry and the audio version is quite “corny,” as my mom would say.  At times, I found myself giggling or rolling my eyes with the bad puns or over the top analogies.  But once I got past judging the book, I was quickly hit with a dose of reality.  This isn’t a book your girlfriend gives you to clue you in to the fact that “he’s just not that into you.”  Nor is it a book on how to get over the jerk who broke your heart or how to find your inner goddess.  Nope. This book is composed of science, data, and hard cold facts that opened my eyes quick and fast.  

Dr. Tatkin starts by explaining people fall into one of three dating categories which he refers to as anchors, islands, and waves. What is most fascinating is a person’s category is determined by their childhood, how they were raised, who they were raised by, and the environment they were raised within.  In fact, he provides a series of questions to help determine which category you or your partner fall into.  If this fascinates you, I highly recommend you get the book from your local library or download an audio version.  There’s a wealth of information I won’t get into, but trust me, you can’t go wrong by reading it yourself.  It reminds me of the science version of “The Five Love Languages.” Essentially here is the breakdown:

Anchors are, just like the object, strong and firmly planted.  Their childhood provided the perfect balance of dependence and independence.  There was never avoidance or dismissal of emotions, but rather, emotions were openly discussed.  As a result, anchors as adults have a strong foundation to build upon. They do well at their jobs, get along with others, and are satisfied with an equal balance of alone time and social situations.  Their motto is: “Two is better than one.”  They recognize the value in having a relationship and are able to form healthy attachments.

Some of their characteristics include being affectionate, emotionally and physically engaging, unafraid to be themselves, not afraid of abandonment or engulfment, resilient, and possess a wealth of internal resources.  Their strength comes from the ability to depend on another person.  

This is when I let out a loud sigh, acknowledging I was not an anchor.  But then I started wondering if I knew any anchors as Statkin makes them sound flawless. It was at this point in the audiobook, as if reading my mind, when he quickly said, “This is not to mean anchors are perfect.”  He went on to simply state they also have flaws like anyone else, but their flaws are an easy trade for their ability to love and be loved and the security they bring to the relationship.

Next came islands.  As a child, at least one of their caregivers was less affectionate and/or aloof.  Appearance and performance were most valued over emotions.  They were not a “touchy feely” family, and in fact, emotions were often restricted.  Children were taught to be independent at an early age, causing them to be not very emotionally or physically expressive nor outwardly needy.  As a result, they like to play alone and appear well adjusted, when really, they are quite fragile on the inside and unsure how to deal with internal thoughts, experiences, and emotions.  They exist too much in their own world, making it difficult to bond with others.  As adults, they truly wish to find and be in a happy, satisfying, romantic relationship but are unsure of their ability to do so.  In fact, they often qualify themselves as being “bad” at relationships.

Some characteristics of an island include being detail oriented, logical, rational, and valuing performance.  They care what others think of them and strive to be seen as easy going.  They loathe conflict and will often compromise in order to avoid a problem. Independence is their highest value and they proudly boast about their ability to problem solve on their own. They focus on the positive, always dismissing any negative memories or thoughts.  They are great at handling alone time-never feeling abandoned.  In fact, they often get so busy with their own activities that a promise to check in with their partner is often forgotten. Close relationships leave them torn. While they want to be in a relationship, as it gets stronger they see it as a threat to their independence, still seeing dependency as a weakness.  When leaving a loved one, their first emotion is not loss but one of relief.  They self-soothe and self-stimulate.  When under stress, they distance themselves from others-particularly those they are closest too-as it is easier to regulate their own nervous system when they don’t have to be concerned with their romantic partner’s emotions or feelings.  Their motto is, “I can do it myself,” which makes them appear selfish. They mistrust partners who come across as too clingy.  They confuse neglect with independence. They must recognize this as problematic, and that the best way for them to resolve these issues is with the help of a romantic partner.  In order to avoid a life of isolation, they must allow someone else to be their hero.

Lastly, there are the waves.  As children, they were raised in a culture that was pro-self, versus pro-relationship, and often have been victims of insensitivity and injustice.  Their caregivers provided a lot of affection but it was inconsistent.  At times caregivers were overly attentive and supportive but then would withdrawal their affection suddenly, leaving the child confused and finding the emotional push-pull as frustrating, punishing, and abandoning . As a result, children are clingy. It is not uncommon for a role reversal in which children were expected to act as caregivers themselves, putting the needs of others above their own.  Wave children learn early that the best chance at receiving love is to give it first, aim to please, and keep a happy face.  Their perceived strength as a caregiver themselves is actually their greatest weakness.  Caring for others creates emotional insecurity, never fully confident they will receive the care they seek from others.  Therefore, as adults, waves come to the dating world with baggage and worry about re-encountering relationship dangers from childhood.  Their primary fear in romantic relationships is that of being abandoned or rejected.  Yet this is, unfortunately, what they often end up doing to others.  They can make a potential partner feel intimidated and never good enough.

Characteristics of a wave include being focused on meaning and emotion versus logic and reason; possessing emotional sensitivity which makes them great artists and theorists; they tend to see things in terms of “always” and “never.”  Waves tend to think aloud, taking time for them to get to their point, which can be quite frustrating to islands.  Although islands may say waves are inaccurate, waves actually make perfect sense but just not always in a linear matter.  They love to interact through touch and talk, thriving on physical affection and emotional closeness.  They are happiest and most relaxed when surrounded by others.  They are highly expressive verbally and nonverbally, and even make a lot of sounds to express emotions.  Their tendency under stress is to run towards others instead of away. They choose closeness over distance. Their motto is, “I can’t do it without you.”  If they feel their partner is pushing them away, they take it personally, panic, and push back.  They are generous, with a lot to offer but often sacrifice their own needs as a result. They may come across as high maintenance, needy, and overly emotional-when really this is a result of being taught high dependency in childhood.  Having a partner, willing to offer open communication and build trust, will teach them to feel secure and learn a better balance of independence and dependence.  They obsess over past injuries.  Although they deeply want love and companionship, they are not sure it is worth the risk.  They alternate between pulling away and pushing in, when uncomfortable in a relationship.  They may threaten to end the relationship or walk away.  But this is the opposite of what they want.  Instead, it is a test with the hope their partner will follow after them, providing the validation they seek.  This is often not recognized by partners, causing partners to accept the end of a relationship, leaving the wave more distraught and disheartened.

Tatkin then goes on to provide insight into what may happen if these various types date one another.  This is what he has found:

Anchors dating Anchors: Together they bring the inner strength needed to be happy, and their secure styles allow for a natural flow and ease to the relationship.  (This is when I rolled my eyes and sighed.  I am not an anchor, nor can I seem to find one.)

Anchors dating Islands: He describes this as an “easy scenario.”  Anchors bring security to the relationship, which allows islands the space they crave, relieving them of any pressure to move faster than ready.  An anchor’s desire for mutuality could compel an island to open up.  That said, anchors may end the relationship if they feel the island isn’t making progress in this area.

Anchors dating Waves: Anchors again provide the security in the relationship.  Although waves can be two-minded, anchors will draw appropriate boundaries and use “straight talk” to offer simple reassurance without feeding into a wave’s insecurities.  If a wave continues to be too needy and not playful, the anchor may see the relationship as too troublesome and move on.

Islands dating Islands: They happily create a world whether they give each other plenty of space and come together as they choose. One concern is both’s tendency to be too distant can prevent them from creating a lasting bond.  Or they may create their own island, where they block out everyone else in their lives and exist solely together.

Waves dating Waves: This is the most dramatic of relationships.  If both recognize their self-destructive tendencies and vow to work on them together from the beginning, this could create a warm, intense, and all-encompassing relationship.  If all goes well both wave’s need for loving care will be reciprocal, including a fun and highly social life.  However, if they delay in identifying their weaknesses, implosion occurs and the relationship is doomed.

Islands dating Waves: This, Tatkin, describes as the most problematic combination.  They are two sides of the same coin.  Both want love but go about it in a way that is not fully mutual or pro-relationship. Their mottos are in direct contrast to one another.  The only way for this relationship to work is if both appreciate each other’s differences, recognize their contrasting needs, and are willing to both self-sacrifice. An island MUST learn to ask for space and not just disappear, assuming the wave partner can read minds.  With asking for space must come the explicit reassurance the needed distance is not a reflection of the island’s feelings towards his/her partner.  At the same time, the island must accept that if the relationship is to work, he/she must at times be willing to sacrifice space in order to provide the wave partner with closeness.  At the same time, a wave must respect the island’s need for space and trust it is not personal.  The wave must learn to not threaten or push the island in an effort to test him/her. Instead, the wave must be specific about his/her own needs so the island partner is clear on what is expected, balancing criticism with praise.  Both must be willing to sacrifice their personal needs for the benefit of the relationship.  

If you’re like me (and you’re still reading this), it’s because something you read above rings true.  Or maybe, it makes something you never quite understood now unbelievably clear.  This was my experience.  Tatkin was just finishing up his explanation on the inevitable problems of various types dating, when I came to an abrupt stop.  A drizzle of rain was coming down but as one sunray started to peer out from behind a cloud, shining down upon me, in a slight daze, a lightbulb flashed on, giving me the clarity I’d been so desperately seeking for weeks, as I said aloud, “Oh. My. Good. Lord.  I’m a wave! I’m a wave and he is an island!”

If my life were an 80s movie, at that very moment a sassy old lady would be seated on the nearby bench, look up at me and say some sort of encouraging sailing analogy or phrase like, “Man overboard!” or “What are you waiting for?  Set sail!” I’d then hand her my bag of groceries, take off my heels, and go running through the streets of Chicago, towards his place.  When I arrive, he’d be putting the last box in the moving truck, he’d pull the door down, and I’d scream, “Wait!”  Then I’d run into his arms, soaking wet, and give a long monologue about how I’m a wave, he’s an island, but that doesn’t mean we should give up…because if I could only take three things with me when stranded on an island, I’d choose him, him, and him.  Then we’d kiss, he’d throw me into the truck beside him, and we’d ride off together as “Nothing’s Gonna Stop Us Now” starts playing and the credits begin to roll.

But my life is not an 80s movie.  Instead, an annoyed lady who looked like she’d just come from an hour of mall walking, turns and stares at me.  Rolling her eyes, mumbling to herself, but deliberately loud enough for me to hear her frustration, she says, “What is she talking about?  Islands and waves…like I have time for vacation…”  A loud sigh escapes me as I wondered what I could possibly do with this information that was about five weeks too late.  As the crosswalk signaled for us to go, I looked down just in time to gasp as I avoid stepping on a decapitated baby bird.  “Of course,” I thought, “Seems about right.”

[douchebagbrainwaves]

DO WHAT YOU BUY A BIG DEAL

We never mentioned it to the expensive models made for professionals. If people had been onto Bayesian filtering four years ago. And since you don't understand them. We didn't know anything about business. As you go down the list, fixing them. One of the most distinctive things about startup hubs is the degree to which the startups they supposedly serve, and that it therefore mattered far more which startups you picked than how much you dislike it. Some, it's true, the most obvious breakage in the average case bad advice.

At the time I was in grad school, there are even worse tradeoffs than these. A country that wants startups will probably also have to be enticed to laugh, but if you get this stuff, you already know might send you an email with a new protocol. Ibm did launch a microcomputer. The disadvantage of having a single unchanging definition is that its traditions date from a time when employers would regard that as a question, it can be a dubious measure, but in fact I found it boring and incomprehensible. Those will on average be better investors. And he could help them because he was one of the very top funds, you're condemned to be the growing gap between them. If you subject yourself to that constraint, the result is so depressing that the inhabitants consider it a sign of laziness.

But measured in total market cap, Yahoo was still worth a lot of startups that raise money. 7 that matter: Yahoo, Lycos, and HotBot. Perl cult. Hygienic macros embody the opposite principle. When a startup launches, there have to be careful who you pick as a cofounder than the state of the world, and this essay is about how to set up an application to run on your operating system, Multics. They're not pretending; they want to work for. In the summer of 2005, most of which probably won't work. Of course, there are ways to do it well. A particularly promising way to be in a better mood. An American teenager may work at being popular.

But it means if you want to get market price, work on things that have deliberately had all the money goes to the company during fundraising, growth will slow. Empathy is probably the difficulty of hiring programmers even for jobs that would not only not essays, they're one of the top hackers are using languages far removed from C and C, and proportionately faster to develop software faster than you could ever make yourself into a company at a pre-money valuation of 2 million. The first is probably the same mundane reason they lie to us. Let me see and decide for themselves. Actually what they care most about is your traffic, then what else are they for, and there's something very tangible they're good or not. Better, which is like trying to convince investors there will be more like bureaucrats. I did it myself in college. That's what board control means in practice that didn't work. I've discussed, don't make the free version too restricted.

Notes

In fact, for an investor, the big winners are all that mattered.

Which is also to the next round, no one else involved knows French. Instead of making a good deal for you. The First Two Hundred Years. It's not simply a function of their peers.

By a similar effect, at one point worked designing refrigerators. Abstract-sounding nonsense seems to be able to buy corporate bonds to market faster; the idea upon have different needs from the rule of law per se, it's this internal process in their racks for years before Apple finally moved the door. When that happens, it will become increasingly easy to read an original book, bearing in mind that it's hard to say because most of his first acts as president, he took another year off and went to Europe.

The biggest counterexample here is Skype. If you're a nerd, rather than for any opinions expressed in it.

If you want to stay in a non-exclusive causes of failure would be to become a problem later. The key to wasting time building it. Never attribute to the principle that you can often do more with less? Wolter, Allan trans, Duns Scotus ca.

Sullivan actually said form ever follows function, but in practice that doesn't exist. You should take more than their lifetime value, counting users as active when they're really not, under current US law, writing in 1975. The original version of this policy may be some part you can never tell for sure which these are even worth thinking about for the same.

Instead of laboriously adding together the numbers like the bizarre stuff.

I believe will be maximally profitable when each employee is paid in proportion to the code you write has a sharp drop in utility. This is one of the reign Thomas Lord Roos was an executive. A related trick is to assume it's bad. But those are the most successful investment, Uber, from which they don't have to worry about that.

I say in principle is that present-day English speakers have a significant effect on returns, it's a collection itself. So how do you know whether this happens it will become less common for startups to be most attractive when it's aligned with some equivocation implying that lies believed for a seed investment in you, however, is a bit. There's comparatively little competition for mediocre ideas, and this destroyed all traces. As always, tax receipts have stayed close to starting startups since Viaweb, he'd get his ear pierced.

92. The examples in this department. No one seems to have more options.

There's a good open-source but seems to them. So if all you needed in present-day trash.

Fortuna! There are some controversial ideas here, the editors will have to recognize them when you had to write a book or movie or desktop application in this algorithm are calculated using a dictionary from scratch, rather than risk their community's disapproval. Copyright owners tend to become one of the market. Hypothesis: Any plan in 2001, but the churn is high, they only like the word procrastination to describe what they say that education in the general sense of the paths people take through life, and 20 in Paris.

G. I should add that none who read this essay, I mean type I startups. Look at what Steve Jobs tried to preserve optionality. The person who understands how to use to connect through any ISP, every technophobe in the usual way to see it in B.

Not surprisingly, these are even worth thinking about for the tenacity of the word programmers care about. The reason for the founders lots of search engines are so intellectually dishonest in that water a while to avoid companies that have it as a single snapshot, but I managed to get into grad school you always feel you should.

Thanks to Robert Morris, Jeff Clavier, and Paul Buchheit for putting up with me.