#i despise him and violet as characters and as a ship so damn much it's unreal

[wingsofhcpe]

idgaf if Yarros is disabled herself, the way she writes Violet is extremely ableist (and inconsistent- she can't climb stairs without dislocating 20 joints, but can get fucked hard enough to break a piece of furniture and get off scot-free? ok). I have not seen a single disabled reader's review that doesn't say the same thing, and I may not specifically have EDS, but I AM physically disabled and I have some choice words for her. Her disability doesn't magically absolve her of all criticism of how she writes it.

[morelikesin]

Security

Welcome to the first chapter of my self-indulgent kiss fic! My first Apex Legends fic, as well!

This fic has five chapters, including an intro (you’re here!), an ending, and three middle chapters that focus on a specific relationship each within my self-indulgent polyamorous ship of Bloodhound-Octane-Mirage-Caustic. This is like my take on the start of their romantic relationship 💕

I have to put a disclaimer, for I know not too much about the Apex lore, and have been playing for only a little more than four months as of now - so my characterizations and headcanons are purely based on what I think from seeing them in-game. I hope Apex veterans will still like my take (⺣◡⺣)♡* 

For quick reference, not that it truly matters to the reading experience, I wrote this fic with certain character skins in mind - Caustic has his Blackheart skin, Bloodhound has their Flamingo skin, Octane has his Original skin, and Mirage has his Fiber Optics skin.

Sidenote: There’s a lot of language other than English within these chapters, regarding dialogue - Old Norse, Icelandic, Spanish, and French being what they are. I have not included translations, but many of them are able to be understood with context. I also write dialogue based on how they actually speak, rather than readability. Words containing “r’r” represent a roll of the r, and missing letters represent the character skipping over them because of accent or dialect. Everything else should be self-explanatory! Any questions regarding this sidenote can be asked through the notes of any of the relevant chapters.

Below is the chapters in order.

Table of Contents

Chapter 1 - Intro (You are here!)

Chapter 2 - Mirage

Chapter 3 - Octane

Chapter 4 - Caustic

Chapter 5 - Ending

Without further ado, Chapter 1 below the cut!

The dormitories abruptly filled with stumbling footsteps.

“Are you sure it’s fine?” Mirage spoke uncomfortably as he eyed the team’s best hunter.

Bloodhound swatted away any hands that came to touch them - not meaning to come off as rude, but rather in their discomfort of general intimacy. The other legends were aware of this, but the natural urge to touch someone’s arm or back in comfort arose stronger now than in previous encounters, despite the hunter’s visible unwillingness to accept such an offer. In the middle of battle, it was often too risky to offer physical forms of affection even for a moment in terms of someone ambushing them, but even when the chance presented itself Bloodhound was always one to dismiss their hurt and assure their other teammate(s) that they were fine.

“Quite,” started the hunter, their ever-so-slightly-shaking fingers fiddling with one of their prominent jacket pockets, “I’ll be fine. Don’t treat this as such a dire issue.”

“Compadre, of course it’s a big issue,” Octane assured Bloodhound with his unwavering hand resting on their arm, much to the latter’s dismay. “Che needs to at least see it-”

The man’s purring voice was cut off by one deeper and more grainy.

Caustic pulled at his sleeves and turned to check the emergency medicine cabinet by the door - giving a bitter “I’m thinking if someone didn’t use an illegal play, then you’d not be wounded. I know a particular subject who despises common etiquette,” referring to Revenant.

Bloodhound gave a reassuring “Don’t tr'rouble yourself finding someone to blame. I’m fine, thank you.”

All three men seemed wanting in terms of disputing how fine Bloodhound really was (not to mention faulting the obvious perpetrator of their wound), but mutually abstained for civility’s sake.

“Cabinet’s bare.”

“Think I got some supplies left in my own stash,” Mirage offered as he hastily turned to go up the stairs to his room.

As he left, the hunter walked to the left side of the kitchen they were all standing in and leaned against the counter - looking down and tapping a hand against the granite. The motion gave the two men with them a quiet sign of how they were trying to ignore the pain.

“Where is it exactly?” Octane questioned as he came to stand in front of them, “Face, neck-?”

“Face,” they confirmed. “The pain feels centered on my right.”

Octane went to say something before Mirage had come back down - carrying in his hands a few items of aid.

“Got some antiseptic, some cotton pads, and a thing of g- a thing of- ah- some bandages.”

Octavio was quick - obviously - to take the pack of cotton pads, roll of applicable gauze, and travel-sized bottle of antiseptic. Before Mirage could question it, Octavio purred to Bloodhound, “If you need help with it, compadre, I’ve gotten five star reviews on my medical care.”

“From who, exactly?” Caustic quipped, “Last we were teamed, you could hardly administer a syringe to me without missing the vein two times first.”

“I’m thorough, what can I say?”

Bloodhound slightly reached out a hand to take the supplies, “Thank you for these, Mr. Witt. I think I’ll be fine to administer these myself, really-”

“Oh, it’s no big deal!” Octane assured, pulling open the bag of cotton pads as he spoke, “It’s better when you got someone else to look over your heridas - más cobertura.”

Bloodhound swallowed. The offer was tempting - knowing Octane was right in that - but they’d never taken their mask off in front of anyone in terms of the other legends. They trusted them, of course, but it was still a strong desire of theirs to keep their physical identity hidden. There’s been occasions they’ve seen their hands or their hair, but their face was something they were always careful to hide.

Taking in a sigh, they decided against their better judgement and slowly raised their hands to unclasp the few straps holding their mask in place behind their head.

“Just be quick about it.”

Octane half-expected Bloodhound to decline the offer, take the supplies, and head to their dorm - and yet they didn’t. Blinking, he popped open the cap of the antiseptic bottle and doused a cotton pad, “Sure thing! Sorry if this burns any.”

Bloodhound shook their head a bit, “I assume it will - no need to apologize.”

The next few moments felt so slow - Mirage and Caustic consciously looking elsewhere as to give the hunter a bit of privacy where it was due, Octane setting down the rest of the supplies on the counter beside Bloodhound until he needed them again, and all accompanied by a small clink from them unbuckling their mask.

They visibly hesitated to pull it off, gloved hands grasping the sides of the mask timidly, and had their gaze pointed downwards.

Nothing was said when they fully pulled the cover away and looked up - heterochromatic eyes looking to their left at nothing in particular just to avoid eye contact.

Octane, being the one to have been looking at them the entire time, would have been the first to find that they were so pretty - gorgeous, even. A slightly angled jaw, warm olive skin decorated with scattered beauty marks, blushed lips, a large angled nose, soft brows - not to mention the scars. One dragged from their right to left cheek horizontally, across the bridge of their nose. Another was smaller, and trailed vertical from their right brow to their cheekbone - the same side as their grey, presumably blind, eye. The last was a gnarly horizontal across the fully shaved part of their head - just below where their deep black hair began and trailed much past their shoulders.

Octane figured they wouldn’t want anything to be said about their appearance, which fought with his want to compliment them, but ultimately he went with the former idea. Raising the cotton pad to clean the notable fresh wound, an abrasion scuffing the skin beside their chin and just above their jaw, Octane pressed it against the scrape gently.

Bloodhound made a muted wince.

It was then that, as goes human curiosity, the two other men looked over - finding themselves at the same conclusion as Octane had just seconds ago-

Bloodhound was damn pretty.

It felt rude to stare, but it was hard to look away - Caustic being the first to reluctantly move his gaze towards the floor, followed by Mirage looking down and fiddling with a random pocket on his suit.

Octane tossed the used cotton pad into a nearby bin. Picking up the applicable gauze, he unwrapped it and began to line it up with Bloodhound’s wound.

“I think it’ll heal up just fine,” He assured, “Doesn’t look like anything that’ll leave a scar behind.”

The hunter gave a hushed “Thank you” as Octane pressed the bandage against the wound and made sure it was secure. As the man pulled his hands away, Bloodhound felt the urge to cover their face over once more - though as they’ve already seen it, they simply held the mask in their hands.

“..Þakka fyrir,” they spoke quietly, “All of your concern is appreciated.”

Given they seemed comfortable enough to leave it off, Mirage glanced back over prior to lifting his head up a bit. “It’s nothin’, really. Gotta’ look out for one another, you know?”

Bloodhound gave a nod.

“..I’ll retire to my room. Thank you all, again.”

Caustic gave an assuring “Our pleasure.”

With that, they made their way to the stairs and left - leaving behind a trio of men who suddenly needed time to think.

That was a week ago.

The opportunity to discuss the event came in the form of an early Monday morning - the beginning of the work week regarding games.

Caustic was a known early-riser - him or Lifeline always being the first to brew a pot of coffee in the morning. He and Mirage sat at the dining table making seldom conversation - the scientist drinking his coffee black while Mirage had poured in a concerning amount of his favourite pumpkin-flavoured creamer into his own.

Mirage wasn’t known to wake up quite this early, it being seven, but he wasn’t late to do so either - that title belonged to Octane, an infamous sleeper-till-three-or-four-in-the-afternoon. Considering that, it was a shock to find the man coming down into the kitchen.

“Morning,” Octane quipped prior to yawning and scratching his lower back. Unmasked, his baggy grey sweatpants and violet tank-top looked freshly wrinkled - most likely having just woken up.

Unperturbed by most things at this point, Caustic gave an unwavered “Good morning,” though unlike most days he sounded a little tired. Come to think of it, so did Octane.

Mirage returned the greeting with a playful “Aren’t normally up this early - special occasion?”

“Couldn’t sleep.”

“Ah.”

Octane took a seat beside Caustic, in front of Mirage - rubbing the back of his head and messing his hair a bit. The silence wasn’t necessarily awkward, but there was an obvious something between them not being said.

Knowing Mirage nor Caustic were going to say anything, Octane felt it his responsibility to break the tension.

“¿Qué pasó? We’re not gonna’ just forget about what happened last Monday, are we?”

Caustic furrowed his brows and hesitated to speak - taking a drink from his mug before responding, “I’m unsure what you mean.”

“I know you know what I mean, Nox,” Octane chortled, “and you aren’t free from this talk either, Elliott.”

Elliot gave a scoff. “I’m.. abstaining.”

“Really - can we talk about it?” Octane leaned back in his seat, putting his hands in his lap. The three of them haven’t been able to talk alone throughout the week, and any conversation with Bloodhound was the same as before that Monday afternoon. Octane continued, “Say what you want, compadres, but I have a feeling we’re all thinking the same thing.”

Octane’s intuition seemed to carry some weight when neither of the other men said anything - Dr. Nox hesitating before taking another drink and looking away while Elliott set his cup down.

The latter ultimately gave in with a sigh. Looking between Dr. Nox and Octane, Elliott spoke a little sheepishly, “Well, I…” He paused, “Look, promise you it’s not new - been.. liking Bloodhound for a while now.”

“How long is a while to you?” Octane teased before being reprehended by Dr. Nox.

“How exactly did you come to the conclusion this was the discussion you wanted to have?” He spoke while lifting the mug to his lips.

Octane scoffed and bore a smile, “I can’t be the only one who felt that tension after they left - I’m not dense.”

When the remark was met with no defense from either of them, Octane felt safe to assume they were now on the same page.

“..For what it’s worth, I’m fine with however we wanna’ go about this.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?” Elliott questioned with furrowed brows - though after a moment or two he quickly cleared his throat as the statement clicked. He put his elbow on the table and propped his head up in his hand. “Scratch that. Gotta’ say - would’ve taken you as a jealous type, Octavio.”

The comment earned an amused, short exhale from Dr. Nox.

Octavio spoke with playful surprise in his tone, then put his hand on his chest, “Me? Jealous? Estoy dolido.” He put his hand back in his lap. “Pero, I really don’t mind. I know I’m one of the least serious people here, but I’m talking about it because I’m trying to be for once.”

Dr. Nox set his mug down, his attention assumedly fully taken now.

“I’m just saying I’m interested in them,” Octavio finally confessed in concise terms. “And maybe I’m not as good at reading people as I think I am, but last week I felt something there. And I know nothing about your preferences,” he looked to the scientist, “Pero I wanted to.. how do I say this?”

Elliott looked focused on something, with his eyes narrowed and looking away. When Octavio found himself at a loss on how to convey his thoughts, Elliott spoke up in hopes he got the gist of what he was going for.

“What, like polyamory? I am, if it means anything - but, I’m.. sure you already knew that.”

Octavio gave a snort, “A huevo - yo también.” He then looked back to Dr. Nox and gave a quick nod of his head, “You?”

The man took a moment to answer - almost as though he’d never really thought about it before. Hell, he never expected to be talking about something like this. “..Might be. I’ve never given it much thought.”

“With what I’m proposing,” Octavio wanted to confirm, “You’d be okay with that? All of us having permission to pursue them, I mean.”

“I’ve yet to reject your offer,” Dr. Nox replied with a tinge of surprise in his own statement - definitely never before questioning this about himself.

The discussion seemed over on that note - an odd feeling of mutual relief lie between them. They knew Bloodhound had no obligation to accept any theoretical advances, but the first step was to make sure between themselves that they could do so in the first place. Octavio relaxed a bit and slouched in his seat, finding his once restless mood fading and, for the first time this week, ready for some proper sleep without anxieties occupying his mind. He closed his eyes and crossed his arms behind his head as a sort of cushion. Elliott took a quiet sip of his coffee. Dr. Nox kept his gaze elsewhere, in thought, and proceeded to pick his mug back up.

It was silent for a long while - the three  enjoying the company, in a way.

Upstairs, alone in their room, Bloodhound sat on their bed. Their hands clasped together, they couldn’t keep their mind off of something in particular - having kept them up for a few hours now.

Since last week, the hunter had been slowly becoming more comfortable with showing their face around the other legends - albeit for short periods, at times they’d been having a communal meal, but it was still progress. Last week had encouraged them to be a bit more open about the idea of doing so, but something about then still bothered them.

Bloodhound couldn’t tell whether it was fortunate or not that the three people they’d taken their mask off in front of for the first time were the exact three people they’d found themselves attracted to for months now - maybe the circumstances were the Gods’ sense of humor.

[monasatlantis]

Persona 5 Royal Final Review

After 108 hours of gameplay I finally finished Persona 5 Royal. (P5R from now on.) And it is time for my game-review. Usually, if I replay a game, I don’t review it a second time. But I think the Royal version deserves its own review.

Of course, spoiler for P5R are under the cut!

I don’t want to drag that review too long, but there are certain things that need to be said and that is what I am going to do.

First of all, my overall feeling for the game was, that I enjoyed playing it a lot more then the original P5. The things that were changed or added be it plotwise or in the battle- and gamesystem seemed small in the beginning but overall made for a better game experience and made the game more enjoyable and fun.

Of course, knowing almost all of the characters and the overall plot helped a lot to find yourself right at home relatively fast.

I really have to give a huge praise for the prologue to Atlus once more. Because damn do they know what they are doing. The one from the original was already perfect. I mean, I’ve seen my fair share of Prologues in JRPGs and also my fair share of the “This is were you are, now work your butt off to actually reach this point in the game” - ones. But none has ever be as good as the one from Persona 5. So here I was, starting P5R expecting to see the same great prologue again and got slightly panicked the moment I realized something was different. When Violet showed up, I feared it would ruin the amazingness of the original Start of the game by giving to much focus on her. Instead, the scene made the start even better. Because... at this point, we know nothing more about her then that she is the new female character from P5R and she just swoops in, saves Joker and reminds him of a promise we know nothing about. Casually mentioning she is not a part of Jokers Team too, so that at the end of this scene your like: “Okay... who are you, what kind of promise did you have with MY Joker without my consent and why are you a persona user but not part of my freaking team?” Which adds questions to the beginning of a game we actually already know. So in case you’ve watched that Prologue from the original P5 so often, that you are tired of watching Joker jump out of that window like the showoff he is, now you have a new scene that makes the beginning of the game interesting all over again. Really good job Atlus!

Now... let me tell you about my greatest fear about P5R. I know you all don’t want to hear that, but this game was literally Atlus milking the Akechi and the Akira/Ren x Akechi Fans. They knew they could sell a game twice for the same price, with relatively small changes that could have fitted into a DLC, if they just give all those fans more Akechi and more Akechi x Akira/Ren interactions. And for those who dislike Akechi and/or the ship they added Kasumi/Sumire as an alternative, being a new, interesting female character made to fit Joker in the weirdest possible way. So my greatest fear was, that P5R would be full of fanservice and nothing else but that. I feared that the Akira x Akechi ship was pushed to the absolut max (with Atlus still refusing to allow Joker to date him or any guy despite that...) and also pushing Kasumi/Sumire as the female love interest for the other side of the fandom.

Did Atlus do that? Lets say it that way... my fear was for nothing, but it was still a slight bit of fanservice for Akechi and pushing for Sumi (Kasumi/Sumire) there. It was kept in moderation tho (honestly, I’ve seen worse. Much worse. Seriously. Play Cold Steel, then you get what I mean XD) and as every game would use a trump-card like that as a selling-point at least a bit. So I do not blame Atlus for doing so as well, since, once again, it was kept in moderation.

So... about Akechi, Sumi and Maruki and what they add to the game and how they got included in the game and how it works for the game... I have to say, I think they did a really great job with adding those 3 character to the game. (Or in Akechis case, making him a real confidant...) Most of the time, when characters are added in a later version, you often can feel that those characters didn’t originally belong there and they feel like someone cut out a piece of a cake and tried to make the cake look whole again by adding a piece of a different cake, that has the same size, but still doesn’t really fit. Atlus didn’t cut the cake, they put cream on top of it XD

Lets start with talking about the good and bad of making Akechi an actual confidant. But before that, let me complain about the time-limits set for those 3 confidants. They were stressing me out! And with those time-limits, you are basically forced to focus in maxing those 3 first, so that you had barely time for your own teammate. And you have to max them, for the true ending and the third semester. So... I would have wished that wasn’t the case, but I get why it had to be... Now... please tell me I was not the only one facepalming when Akechi gave Joker a headshot and his confidant-level rose in the original game. Because it makes all those “Joker loves Akechi killing him” - jokes a lot less questionable then they should be ^^’ I felt a lot more comfortable playing billiard with Akechi instead - although I have to admit that it felt slightly weird and I was a bit uncomfortable at first. But you get used to it. And I think it also improves one certain part of the story greatly. And that is the part were the game wants to tell you that Joker and Akechi have such a great, strong, special bond. Because in the original game, they hardly ever do anything together, besides those short encounters every now and then. This time, it felt much more real for Akira and Akechi to be close, because they took the time and made the effort to actually spend time with each other and get to know each other. It also gives the player more chances to decide what to do with that traitor. And I guess new player were even more shocked now when Jokers favorite friend suddenly shot him in the head without even hesitating. It really makes the game better in a way. Especially with Akechi suddenly throwing his glove at Joker, telling him he hates him all of the sudden, when you are reaching level 8 of his confidant. It makes everything more round, when it comes to Akechi and his complicated relationship with Joker. There are no “bads” about Akechi becoming a real confidant. It was a good choice and made the game better. So in a way, Atlus wanting to make money by giving fanservice, benefited the game greatly.

Now to Maruki. He seemed to be... relatively unimportant. Honestly, if I didn’t knew I need to max him for the third semester, I probably wouldn’t have done it. Because he is just some random counselor how apparently finds Joker interesting - as many other characters do - so why should I care? Now imagine all those “blind” playing players who didn’t google how to get the third semester and true ending and wondering what they did wrong when they didn’t get it just to find out they had to max out some random confidant guy like Maruki. Those poor souls. So... is that a bad thing? No its not! You are supposed to be shocked and surprised in the third semester when you find out that this sympathetic but relativly boring confidant actually was the guy behind the fake reality. Especially after making it look like it was actually Sumis palace at first. I do have to say tho... he gave me “traitor-vibes” immediately, so I somehow saw it coming. But that is just me being wary of characters in lab coats thanks to certain games... They really made great work with that man tho. Every member of the team had counseling with him (Akechi aside) giving him the knowledge of most of their dreams and wished and problems and also making him look more sympathetic for being so friendly understanding and helpful. Even as the ruler of the fake reality, he actually had “good intentions” at the end, they were still egoistic, but he truly believed he would help people, making it hard to totally hate him and making it also understandable that the other characters didn’t hate him. Even after you want to despise him for what he did to Sumi, she herself said that without it, she might would not have made it, making it hard to hate him for it. The way he was added to the game, felt whole and never gave you the feeling that he didn’t belong there. So once again, good job!

Now... on to Sumi. She has her first encounter with Joker relatively early on in the game and you keep having scenes with her throughout the game, even if you do not do her confidant. Actually, whenever I was a bit sad that Kasumi wasn’t there, she suddenly showed up. Be it at the end of the Hawaii trip of the great scene from the school festival or her running towards Joker in Leblanc after he faked his death. You never have the feeling that she shouldn’t be as close to Joker as she is, because the game makes sure to let them have lots of interactions and encounters with each other, even outside of her confidant-scenes. They did give a hint or to of her true story too. So I wasn’t surprised when the truth came to light in the third semester. Overall I have to say they really overdid it a bit with the drama of her story, but it adds up to why Sumire is the way she is, after you force her to be herself. I was certainly sad I could only have her as my teammate so late in the game tho. Her powers are really great. And it it also a bit depressing if you want to date her (whish the game obviously wants you to do...) and have to wait until almost the end of the game to finally be able to do so. For a month at best no less. all those dates you missed... oh well, dating her is cute at least. I do have one big complain about her character tho. In this totally awkward scene were she was sitting in a Café with Joker and Akechi (or was I the only one feeling awkward sitting there with Boyfriend on the one and Girlfriend on the other side? ^^’) when Akechi - that sneaky bastard - asked her about the Phanthom Thieves she said she doesn’t think its right to count on them, that people should solve their problems themselves and not rely on others so much. Which is right on one hand. I mean, it was great foreshadowing. At some point people really just expected the Phantom Thieves to solve all their problems making way for their great downfall when they couldn’t meet the high expectations. BUT Sumi was the last of all the characters who had the right to say something like that. From the beginning as Kasumi, to the End as Sumire... she always relies on Joker for giving her strength, hope, motivation and a reason to fight and live and get stronger. I doubt she would have managed to overcome her trauma without him. So how did she solve and of her problems herself without always relying on others? I am sorry, but she was not the right person to say that. (But at least, after realizing Akira/Ren was Joker she immediately felt bad about talking not so nice about his team infront of him - although Mr-Sneaky-Bastard set this up on purpose so he should be the one apologizing here...) Anyway. Aside from the scene were the PT fought the god, were she was missing for some reason, she was added very well into the story and made a good addition to the team at the end. She earned her place in the game and made for a nice alternative dating-partner.

Finally... I wanna talk about the damn third semester. Because after all the work and stress we went to to get there... it was a bit of a letdown for me. Tho the start was a shocker with everything that happened, it dragged on and on and on and on and on and on and on. You go into the palace after having absolutly no real freetime between the final boss from the original game and this new final bosses palace. Here in this palace, you lose Kasumi, then you are forced to go out of the palace, just so you can walk around to watch your friend be happy for days with the game making it unnecessarily hard and time-consuming for you by refusing you to use insta-travel for no apparent reason. Then you go back to the palast, save Sumire and are forced to get out of it again. Then you go back in, are forced to go back out again, then you are forced to go to Mementos and go through all the new stupid levels there because otherwise you can’t continue with the palace. Then you go back to the palace AGAIN which seems to never end and has many strong enemy immune to physical attacks because saving SP is a total unnecessary thing in this immensely huge palace. And when you finally almost reached the end of the damn palace you are forced to make a stupid puzzle. URG! Now, you are finally through with the palace, now you have an immense amount of freetime, which still isn’t enough to max many more confidants especially not if you also want to use this last chance to max Sumi. And at this point, it just feels like enough. The game is going on for too long. It has to end. And yet, the final boss, just like this final palace and the third semester goes on and on and on and on and on. Every time you think you have beating him, he rises again and again and again and again. And was that fist-fight with Joker really necessary at the end?

Now that we are officially talking about the third semester... lets also talk about Akechi (again) and also some plotholes. So Akechi is like... having multiple personalities in the last part of the game. One time, he is an absolute bloodthirsty asshole and the next time he is your worried teammate. I mean... how did we go from: “Save your girlfriend yourself, Joker, because if I handle this, she will end up dead.” to Akechi stopping Sumi from running towards Dr.Maruki to keep her save from falling debris? I guess in the end being part of Jokers team finally got to him XD So... Akechis existence in the third semester is a huge problem for the plot. Despite the intentions of the true ending, Akechi is believed to be dead and only lives on because Maruki brought him back so he can have a second chance for a happy live with Joker. That would mean that he was made up by Marukis fake reality to fulfill either Jokers wish or Akechis wish. BUT the moment everyone else of the team realizes they were in a fact reality, that what they had and did wasn’t real, it was gone. Mona becoming a cat again. Futubas mother was gone. The moment both Akira and Akechi knew that Akechi wasn’t  real, he should have vanished, but he didn’t. Now lets say the reason he didn’t vanish, was because he was actually still alive in the real world (maybe in some sort of coma or something, which would explain his memory problems, because then he wasn’t made up by Maruki, but just got pulled out of whatever state he was in in reality...) then it is still a plothole why nobody, not even Maruki himself didn’t wonder why everyone elses true reality came back when they realized the truth but Akechi still stayed there until the fake reality was gone. I think in the end, Atlus didn’t fully think that truth and messed it up a little bit. Also... in Kasumis case. It is said that when people called her “Sumire” she just heard what her changed cognition wanted to hear, which was that people called her Kasumi. BUT if only her cognition was changed, why didn’t she end up in a psychiatry after claiming that her little sister Sumire is dead and that she herself is Kasumi? It doesn’t make any sense, if only her own cognition changed. Once again, not thought through in the end, I think.

Anyway... all in all it was a really good and enjoyable game. I gave it 9 out of 10 points.

[realm-of-dragons]

Staff App - Nemu (OC)

Played by Admin Grimm

OOC:

Name: Grimm

Age: 21

Preferred Pronouns: Any!

Timezone: PST

Discord: N/A

Any topics you want added to the content warning list?: Pandemics

Second choice character?: Bakugo or Hawks

IC:

Name: Takahashi Nemu 

Age: 48, physically older due to magic abuse.

Gender ID / pronouns: Cis-Male, He/Him

OTPs, BroTPs, or NoTPS?: I have ship plans, but because of the particular dynamic, we’re always down for more dumb drama- It should be noted, however, that Nemu is demisexual/demiromantic and is predisposed for deep and unhealthy obsession. 

Race: Human, Mage 

Appearance: Nemu is extremely short and on the thinner side, though his build is still fairly healthy. He has long violet hair, which he rarely ties back, and it tends to fall across his face when he’s working. His eyes are light gray and have permanent dark circles stretched beneath them. He almost always has a scowl and very rarely smiles, although he has been rumored to smile at small children. In spite of his age, his skin is relatively smooth; this is the result of regular rejuvenation potion consumption. 

Role: Court Physician and Alchemist, serving King Toshinori. Technically a healer, though he doesn’t practice it much anymore. 

Skills:

Nemu specializes in healing magic, although he very rarely uses it to directly heal injuries. 

Primarily, he enchants potions capable of inducing sleep, easing pain, and promoting regenerative functions within the body.

His sleeping draught is infamous, and an invention of his own. He’s improved the process and strength of most of the potions regularly made by court healers.

In his youth, he was often regarded as a prodigy and genius, although in recent years he’s let his progress slip due to failing health, and in pursuit of more dubious research. 

He once theorized a method for applying the trade off of human magic to combat, wherein he healed himself by using an enemy’s life energy as a catalyst- After a single application born from desperation, he burned the documents, and has since marked it as a forbidden magic never to be pursued.

He has negative combat skills. He’s garbage in a fight. He will die. Don’t make him fight.

Backstory:

1.) 

The cauldron bubbles in front of him, smoke billowing up. He’s done this a thousand times before, the ingredients and motions are practically instinctual- He could repeat the actions in his sleep, if he had to- and perhaps this is no different. Fatigue and permanent exhaustion eat away his consciousness. He wonders when he’ll cease existing in the present. 

Shadows dance around him, closing in. Just like that, for a brief moment, he is ten years old again; ten years old, naive, gullible, and proud, but ten years old and a prodigy. He remembers the praise he received when he first successfully enchanted a potion, the exhaustion that followed after, and the pride in his parents eyes. Ten years old, prodigal, and the genius son of two mages. At ten, he could spin sleeping draughts that even adult alchemists struggled with. 

That was the last time he felt rested.

He applies a bit too much force with his spell. The moment ends. The cauldron bubbles over. He yelps, scrambling to salvage his mistake. 

There’s no use. He’ll start over. It’ll probably be another sleepless night spent fixing his mistakes. He’s hardly ten years old anymore. At forty-eight, washed out and struggling to stay afloat, Nemu wonders when he’ll become obsolete. 

Soon, he thinks. He’s expiring. It’s just a matter of time. 

2.) 

Nemu serves his king diligently, but from a respectable distance. 

It wasn’t always like this. Nemu would never dare presume he was ever friends with the king, but friendly, perhaps. They spoke more frequently, and with less tension. Nemu is never certain whether that tension is definite, or whether it’s a mere product of his sleep deprivation. Answers will never come because he’s fine the way things are now. 

Brewing potions takes little effort, even now as his health begins to slip. This is something he can do in his sleep, if necessary. It’s his element. Even as the fatigue settles in, making day to day tasks more difficult, he’s still trudging onward with his work. There’s no need to stop. He’s useful this way.

So he brews his potions daily. Sometimes, he may tend directly to an ill noble or an injured knight. Sometimes - more rarely - he might see the king. 

King Toshinori is a kind man. He is the type of person beloved by every individual he speaks to, and Nemu has no doubt that it’s deserved. He’s almost single handedly united an entire race into one fully functioning and peaceful society, right? That’s what everyone says, that’s what he’s praised for. He’s the type of person who cherishes everyone he meets, regardless of status.

But that’s the problem, isn’t it? The king is too kind. 

Nemu thinks of what he’s done, what he’s given up, what’s been sacrificed and left to perish within his own flesh for the benefit of another. He thinks of all the choices he’s ever made that contributed to his downfall, and how with a change in perspective, they could be viewed as either noble loyalty or ingrained stupidity. He knows that if King Toshinori knew the truth, he would view his actions as neither. Because that’s the problem. King Toshinori is kind, and Nemu gave up far more than any sane person would to keep him alive. Knowing would lead to nothing but pitiful guilt. 

So Nemu avoids him. 

Some days are easier than others.

3.) 

“Are you okay?” 

It’s one of those rare moments when King Toshinori manages to hunt him down. Nemu knows he’s difficult to find, because he’s purposely avoiding the king, for a plethora of reasons.  King Toshinori’s frown makes Nemu's scowl deepen. It’s… A complex situation, isn’t it? Isn’t it? Of course it was stupid to think he could go undetected forever. Talking to King Toshinori is inevitable. It always is.

Nemu wants to ignore the question outright, but this is the king, and he expects an answer. No. Of course he’s not okay. When has he ever been okay? The more he uses his damn magic the worse it gets. That’s why he gave up healing, isn’t it? He’s constantly exhausted, suffers from frequent minor ailments(it could be worse, he tries to reason), and his magic is growing more difficult to control. There are days he cannot sleep at all, plagued by the torment of his body - or sometimes his brain - and there are others where he cannot tell if he’s sleeping or awake. 

Have you ever wondered what it’s like to question the very air you breathe? ‘What if I drown? What if this isn’t really oxygen I’m sucking in? What if I’m not really here?’ Do you ever take a step and think, ‘what if the floor isn’t really there, what if I’m just imagining it’? ‘What if I take one more step and it gives way, and I fall, and never stop falling?’ 

Nemu stares at his feet, words catching at his lips. There is, of course, the other  matter. The injury. Nemu saved his life, and he does not regret it, not really- But King Toshinori doesn’t know the price he paid to heal him. Because it isn’t that simple. The king should have died. He might have, really. Nemu still isn’t certain. No mortal man should have survived such injuries. 

Nemu still remembers the pain. The sounds. The light. The abrupt feeling of age catching up to him. As he’d later confirmed with another healer, he had aged. Not enough for others to notice, but enough to remind him of the grimm reality that every action has a consequence. That magic has a price. 

He can’t say any of that, though, and King Toshinori expects an answer, so he bites his lip and swallows his disdain.

“I’m fine.” He lies through gritted teeth. He doesn’t know if it’s convincing but he no longer cares.

4.) 

There is but one thing Chiharu ever says that resonates with him; ‘rules are meant to be broken.’ Perhaps not in the context of the law- Nemu is hardly lawful, but he knows when to play at obedience. There is a natural order to adhere to, and he hardly has the energy to fight his own body on good days, let alone deal with the consequences of immorality. That makes them different. 

The two of them combined are wrong. They fit together like water and oil, and Nemu’s never certain who is which, but they agree on one thing, and one thing alone. There must be a way to cheat the cost of performing magic. Nemu is generally rule abiding, but even he recognizes when alternative means are necessary. 

Chiharu doesn’t question his sudden change in moral principles, though he does ask why now. Nemu, lost in thought, doesn’t know how to best answer. There’s no rhyme or reason for the change, but it isn’t some childish whim. It’s been building for a while, he thinks. Since Toshinori’s injury. Since he retired from healing. Since the fatigue set in and refused to leave. Since the realization he’s expiring faster than he ought to be. He doesn’t know. There’s little sentimentality between he and Chiharu, and Nemu doubts there ever will be. But that doesn’t matter.

“I’ve sold my soul to save another,” he begins, the words poetic but bitter on his tongue. “I want it back.”

Chiharu just laughs, deep and more than a bit sinister, but he takes Nemu’s hand.

No… There is no sentimentality, but Chiharu will humor him, because there is loyalty, and in the end, they desire the same thing.

Change.

Extras:

Nemu suffers from a mix of chronic fatigue and insomnia as side effects to magic overuse. He is quite vocal about his insomnia but has become quite adept at hiding the fatigue. 

On most days one would only notice something amiss if they knew him particularly well before the incident, but on bad days he tends to lock himself away in either his living space or his lab, depending on how impactful it is on his ability to work. 

Nemu prefers bland foods, and absolutely despises excessive spice. He does not season his food when left to prepare it on his own, and he is rarely allowed to cook for other people.

He loves cats, although he has not kept one around in over a decade.

Writing sample:

Nemu has met the king’s advisor before. The man is no stranger, although he is strange - Nemu himself is strange, but of a different variety. He’s human, and in spite of what he’s been told, he gets the very distinct feeling that Aizawa is not. Nemu has never particularly cared whether his patients are human or otherwise - he specializes in human healing, but he’s picked up knowledge and skills to help anyone in need. 

But that’s not entirely relevant, because Aizawa isn’t here regarding himself.

“The king is coughing, again.” Aizawa tells him, and Nemu nods.

Of course. It’s always the king. 

He goes about gathering ingredients, taking care to select only the highest quality ones from his stores. He has potions made up already, but everything made for the king is made by his own two hands, and he doesn’t know who brewed the last batch of this specific recipe. Aizawa watches him work, refusing to leave, and Nemu does his best to ignore him. There’s no difference whether he’s alone or in company - he’ll get his work done regardless, and he’ll do it well.

But… Aizawa doesn’t ordinarily stay. Not like this. Nemu has served the king for many years, and he may not be the most trustworthy person alive, but his skills and loyalty are unfaltering. Eyes narrowed, he glances at the advisor. “There’s something you wish to say. You wouldn’t be here still, otherwise.”

“You’re avoiding King Toshinori.”

Oh.

Nemu was not expecting… That. Whatever responses Nemu holds die on his tongue as he struggles to process the situation. He has been avoiding the king. There’s no excuse and no denial. He’s been avoiding King Toshinori, and that’s the entire truth. But… It shouldn’t be an issue, right? It really shouldn’t be, not when he’s just a man. Sure, they’d been on friendly terms, prior, but Nemu isn’t friends with the fucking king. He can choose whether he wants to isolate, can’t he?

There are a lot of ways he could respond. He could be sympathetic, perhaps, and apologize. He could promise to do better, to change his ways and seek the king out more often, if it really makes such a difference. He could be polite - but he isn’t. Instead, he chooses sarcasm, because he can’t fathom how his behaviors in any way matter to the king. “Oh, I’m sure he’s so disappointed in my absence.” Nemu scoffs, returning to his ingredients. He has work to do, after all.

Aizawa regards him for another moment before responding, “Don’t.” 

As the advisor turns to leave, Nemu calls out “I won’t.” But it’s a lie, and he’s certain Aizawa sees right through him.