#i crave the pain but only when there's some reasonable resolution and uh? knowing that garashir doesnt happen makes me :(

[asgardian--angels]

god the last of ds9 i watched was the season 5 finale and first two eps of s6 and that block was so emotionally intense i was just like, LETS TAKE A BREATHER and now it’s been nearly a week whoops

im afraid to go back to it now because i get the distinct sense that the parts i love most about the show are disappearing and while i enjoy the dominion plotline and its angst and nuance, i’m not looking forward to julian and garak drifting apart and more forced het relationships and the ziyal mess (i almost threw up in my mouth a liiiitle bit when she kissed garak) and julian’s changed personality post-augment reveal and all the fun being taken out of dukat’s character and uggggggghhhh i need someone to tell me that there are at least some good things coming up so i don’t get disenchanted or overwhelmed with the last couple of seasons here

[fieryfafarfanfics]

Ecstatic Requiem 3

 For a place so bright, Hibiki is sure seeing stars.  “Ugh…” The throbbing in his head doesn’t seem to stop. One hand rests on the side of his temple. Another groan slips weakly through quivered lips. “What happened…?” Grey eyes blink once and twice to register his surroundings. Bright light seems to tamper with his sight, but the man soon realizes that it is no longer the light from something mysterious; rather, it is the light from the sun.  “What?” Stupor still clutches his rationality. Slowly he sits up, though utterly thankful that the dizziness is dissipating.  “Hibiki!”  His shoulders jump at the voice, which then emits another low groan from the young apprentice. “Kotone…?” Left and right he slowly shakes his head, then finally turns to the owner of the voice. Though bafflement falls heavy on his head, Hibiki is beyond relieved to see his friend by his side. “Are…Are you okay?”  She looks better than him, and it would be no surprise that she is. “Yeah…” A small smile paints her face as reassurance. “I’m not dizzy anymore.” Left and right she looks around. “And…I don’t think we’re dead.”

 White teeth clench unnervingly. “Right…” Upon seeing her stand up, Hibiki follows suit. “Where are we?” Once ensuring that his head is clear of any ache, he looks around. True enough, the sun is shining. No tall trees or thick thickets can be seen. A field of green grass is spotted a few feet where they’re standing, but other than that, it takes them less than a few seconds to realize they were no longer in Ilex Forest.  “I don’t…” She stops. Deeps breaths are taken, in and out as she tries to recollect her nerves. “It…seems like we’ve been transported.”  “Somewhere?”  “Somewhen.”  Grey eyes widen at her blunt response. “Some—what?” Shock is splashed all over his face. “What do you mean somewhen?” Confusion and panic stir inside his heart, but Hibiki remains as calm as he can since the area they are in technically doesn’t feel alarming.  Kotone doesn’t reply immediately. She looks left and right.  “Kotone.”  The stern, albeit fearful tone, brings her attention to him. “Hey, do you remember a legendary Pokémon called Celebi?”  Shock turns to surprise at the sudden question. Hazel eyes seem focused and intense. “Uh…yeah?” One finger taps his chin in wonderment. “That’s the Ilex Forest’s guardian. She protects the forest and the Pokémon inside it.” Hibiki has never seen the legendary before. But from pictures and stories alone that the man knows the Pokémon is powerful just as she is beautiful.”  “Did you know that she has the power to travel through time too?”  Another question catches him off guard. “Uh…” Now that he thinks about it, it does makes sense why the legendary is called the ‘Time Travel Pokémon’. “The documents do say about her abilities.” Two and two click together. Eyes widen at the connections. “Wait, you’re telling me Celebi did this?” One finger points from him to her to him again. “She made us go through some time-travel?”  It is a wonder as to how calm she looks. “I saw something before we were basically blind for a few minutes.” Palms pressed together, she brings them to her pursed lips. “I even heard some chirps that sounded a lot like Celebi.” A deep breath is taken, then exhaled in a slow manner. “So unless this is all some weird dream, I assume it was Celebi who caused the bright light and brought us somewhere in time.”  The explanation was easy to understand, but that doesn’t Hibiki from being frozen in stupor. “So…” He believes her. He actually does. It’s just the time to digest the information took longer than expected. “If Celebi was the cause of all this, when are we?” Again he looks around. Once common sense is lodged back inside his brain, the man realizes some familiar spots he once has seen in his adventures when he was a kid. “Why are we here?”  “FATHER!”  Before Kotone could reply, they both jump at the sharp sound of a voice.  And for the Johto Champion, most of all, prickles run up to the skin of her arms once she recognizes that voice oh so well.  “It can’t be…” Her head turns to the side, body then follows suit as she spins around. Without hesitance, her feet brings him to the owner of the voice.  Boy, was Kotone giving him all kinds of surprises in a span of an hour. “H-Hey wait up!” Not giving a chance to wait for a reply, Hibiki runs after her.  Thankfully, she didn’t run far. During times like these, Hibiki is beyond glad that he keeps a little training regime during his field studies. “Kotoneeee…” A long whine slurs childishly. Annoyance bubbles from within. “What’s gotten into you—?”  “Shh.” She quickly shushes him up. Eyes never focused on the man behind her, Kotone mindlessly waves one hand behind until she feels what she assumes is his wrist. “Stand down…!” Fingers nimble and quick, she pulls him to his knees.  “Whoah!” One hand presses hard against the hard tar. “What’s wrong?” Annoyance now melted to concern, he looks at her. But his gaze was never returned, for her attention is solely, absolutely fixed at whatever is on the other side of the bush.  “Kotone…”  “Look…”  Her voice in hushed whispers, Hibiki finally, carefully pushed away a few thin branches to see what is on the other side.  And when he does, small gasps are forced out of him to see somewhere oh so familiar. ---  This can’t be happening.  “You t-old me…” Voice cracks. “You were…” Breathing hitches. “You were the number one in the w-world…!” Mouth remains agape. Heartbeat pummels all too violent. “In the world!” Like a fool he repeats, tone very much betrays the very mask he wears all too often.  “Are you gonna quit?” A mixture of growl and laughter chokes out in a form of a desperate question. The young boy stands before the still man. His back is still facing him, still taunting him of the answers he so desperately wishes to deny.  This can’t be happening.  His whole body is shaking. His own breathing is seething. Vision are tainted by clear tears, but the boy fights them back. The foolish man does not deserve to see his pain. The foolish man does not deserve to see his anguish.  The foolish man does not deserve to see the damage he has gravely caused.  Strong. He needs to be strong.  “What—” His voice is a traitor. “What are you going to do now?” Fingers clench into tiny fists. Dull nails dig deep into the dry skin of his palms. The whole world seems to shake below him. But he needs to stand strong. He needs to stands still.  The man remains silent.  Speak… Thoughts plague what words cannot be spoken. S-speak—speak!  Finally, the man turns around.  Cold. Calculative. Stern.  Void of the love the child desperately, secretly craves.  The man takes a single breath. “One must acknowledge one’s defeat before he can move on.” His words are laced with indifference, dripped with apathy. Grey eyes stare at the son who is shaking violently. Unruly red hair shields some parts of his face, but he can perfectly see the rage that burns violently inside a pair of crimson eyes.  There is no love. No care. No tell-tale signs that resemble the wife he misses so much.  Guilt choke around his neck. Fingers dug deep into the skin of his palms.  Yet he remains uninterested, apathetic. “I must go solo…for now…” Grey eyes tear away from the child. There is no point in reasoning with him. There is no point in giving back the love and attention that died along in the explosion.  No. He must not grieve.  He must move on. Live on. Even when his most beloved didn’t agree on his choice of living, even when his own flesh and blood denies his very form of existence, the man must walk forward to carve a better path—for him. For Team Rocket.  “So that one day—” A new form of spirit rise within him. Roaring hotter. Bigger. “—I will form a stronger organization!” No longer does he see the son before him. All he sees now is a newly-formed team. A stronger team. A team that will help him realize a future where he stands above all.  The child is flabbergasted. Still shaking. Still seething.  This can’t be happening! “What aspect of you was number one?” Laughter trickles along with the jeering question. Tears now trickle down his face, but anger completely envelopes the child to realize his moment of weakness. “Gathering so many only to be defeated by a mere child?” Stomp! One foot stomps the ground. “A mere fucking child?!” Stomp, stomp, stomp!  The man merely watches the boy throw a childish tantrum. His gaze is cold, unforgiving. “Putting together the potential of many is how you produce a huge power…” One hand slips out of his pockets. Sweat shines upon the rays of brilliant sunlight, yet he can still feel the chill of his beating heart. “That’s what an organization is…”  He can never forgive himself. He can never forgive the monster.  All he can do is move forward.  Fingers tighten to a harder fist. “That’s the strength of an organization!” Anger lurches from the pits of his stomach. Memories he so disgustingly hates start rolling in his mind. “I failed…” —to protect her— “to make the best use of my subordinate’s potential…!” —to love you—  All he can do is start anew—even if it means abandoning his past.  Finally, grey eyes sharpen at the sight of widened crimsons. “But you shall witness one day the revival of me and my Team Rocket!” The roaring fire within him grows brighter and hotter, swallowing his dead heart whole.  As the man relishes at the birth of his new resolution, the child he has left for dead merely gapes at him like a stricken fool.  Potential… Organization… Team Rocket…  It makes him sick.  “Y-You…” Anger lurches his throat until he feels literally sick. “You…” He wants to throw up. He wants to belch here and now if it isn’t for the fact that fury completely fuels his entire being. With breathing hitched sharply through gritted teeth, he stomps one step, two steps forward.  “I don’t—understand you!” A scream cracks his tone into two. “You don’t make any sense!” He tries to raises his hands. He tries to grip at the old man’s jacket. Anything. Anything as long as it means he is looking at him.    He never does.  Without a word, the man turns around. He hears the strained gasp. He hears the choked tears.  It hurts. But he must move on.  “One day you will understand…” And with that, he leaves.  If heartbreak was a physical disease, the child would have died right now.  No… Mouth falls agape, wide and open. N-No…No… Lips are dry and chapped. Eyes are red and strained. How dare—no—! The child merely stands there, shaking, trembling. Knees almost give away. Shoulders slump heavily as if boulders had been placed on each of them.  The man is walking farther and farther away.  Not once did he look back. Not once did he care about him.  Snap!  Whether it was the mind or the heart, he doesn’t know. He doesn’t care.  “I don’t want to understand you!!” A shriek finally echoes amidst the bright sky. “I’ll never…” His voice strained from the ache, from the pain. “I’ll never become someone like you.” Gaze is thrown left and right and up and down. Dull nails scrape at his jacket, scratch harshly at the skin of his burning neck. “A c-coward…” He laughs, cracks a mirthless laugh at the despair that pours upon him. “A coward when you’re alone and acting like a tyrant when you’re in front of other COWARDS!”  Both hands now press around his neck. He can’t breathe. He can’t think. Reality crashes hard against him. Hopes and dreams turn to soot that fill his lungs until he can’t breathe properly.  He has lost his mother. He has lost his father.  He has lost everything.  And there’s nothing he can do.  Nothing. He laughs again. Nothing. And again.  Under the bright blue sky that promises a wonderful day, a lone child cracks a cackle that seethes of nothing but agony and hatred.  A scream then burst out of a dry throat.  “I WILL BECOME STRONG!” Mania widen a pair of crimsons. “I WILL BECOME A STRONGER MAN ALL BY MYSELF!” That’s it. He has no one. He relies on no one. If the foolish bastard he once called father needed some weak people to stand where he is, then the child will prove to him that he can rule anything with just him. And him alone.  The man is nothing. He will be everything.  Laughter and choked tears corrupt the poor boy. Fingers madly tugging the red strands of unruly hair, Silver slams one foot hard to the ground and shrieks, “ALL BY MYSEEEELF!!!” ---  As the scene unfolds before them, every kind of emotion riles up in the two.  Shock. Anger. Sorrow. Sympathy. Everything boils down to create a shivering mess that can barely be kept together.  “Wow…” is all Hibiki can muster. From the moment he looked, his gaze never tore away from such a heart-breaking moment. “I can’t believe Silver went through all that…” Truly, the young man doesn’t know Silver all too well. He just knows that he was Kotone’s rival, and the man who stole the Totodile when he was a boy. All that, and also that Silver is a cocky bastard at worst.  But this…  “What should we do, Koto—what wait!” Concerns burst into shock once he realizes Kotone has stood up and walked past the bushes—walked towards Silver. ---  He hates this.  He hates this. He hates this.  Why is this happening to him? Why? Why, why, why? What did he ever do to deserve such a cruel punishment?  Laughter has finally seized, yet tears still mock him. Berating and mocking himself for wanting to fall to the ground, Silver instead quickly spins his heel and walks off.  At least, that was what he was about to.  Instead he bumps into someone, a woman he soon realizes. “What the—” The blurry vision and disoriented mind almost make him see stars. “Out of my way!” Neither a care in the world at who she is, Silver shoves the stunned lady with all his strength.  The mysterious woman trips to the side, and Silver takes this opportunity to run.  “Wait!”  He feels something around his wrist. His head whips in stupor to see the lady’s hand holding him.  Let go! He wants to be alone. Fucking let go! He wants to wallow in despair. Alone.  Not bothering to look at her for more than a second, Silver shakes and wiggles his hand away from her. Anger still boils in his heart, fuelling the strength he so desperately needs.  “Please don’t go…”  Crack!  A gasp weakly blurts out from such a soft tone.  “Let go…” He whimpers harshly. “I said let go, you bi—”  “You are strong.”  Crack, crack!  Silence hollows out as the sounds of his broken heart breaks anew.  He no longer struggles, yet his head drops low to the ground.  It hurts her heart, but Kotone takes this chance. “You’re stronger than you know.” In truth, she is at lost at what to say. Her body reacted out of pure instinct. Her emotions took hold of what her mind failed.  To see such a young child being ignored and ridiculed… To see such a lone child begging for love from a man who has no love to give… Kotone couldn’t bear it anymore.  She has to do something. Anything! “You’ll grow up to be amazing.” Her grip on him loosen. “You’ll grow up and you’ll surpass him. You don’t need him to prove to anyone that you’re strong.” His head is still down. Red strands cascade and hide the emotions he is too afraid to show. “You’re amazing… You can go on with life without him.” You can go on with life with someone better…  Hazel eyes observe the poor child before him. She realizes that his wrist is bony, that his whole body seem frail. Oh how her heart shatters at such a sight. While she knows the boy in front of him will grow up to be a happier, healthier man, no image could shake off the sympathy and anguish she feels for her former rival.  “I…” His name almost slips out, but Kotone sucks it back with a single breath. “I believe in you.” I always have. Always will. “You will be stronger. Better.” And I’ll support you. No matter what.  Slowly she lets go of him. The arm drops weakly by his side.  It hurts.  “Please…don’t give up…” While she comforts the broken child, Kotone hasn’t realized that her body is slowly disappearing. Pain was never present, so it took the realization that her fingers had turned transparent that made her realize she is about to be transported back to the present.  He still doesn’t turn around.  It really hurts.  “I know you’ll be the best trainer ever! No matter what!” Panic rises as she digs up words of comfort. “Know that I’ll always support you! Know that, no matter what, I’ll always be with you!” Her hips and legs have now turned to nothing. Her ghostly arm reaches out to him one last time.  “Please…” Her voice echoes. “Please…don’t give up…” Fingers disappear before one could even brush his jacket. “Silver…”  And with that, she disappears.  But before she could finally be shrouded into nothingness, Kotone finally, finally, sees a pair of horrified crimsons. ---  Once they are back in their own time, heavy silence fills the air.  They know it wasn’t a dream. It feels too real. It is too real.  The two remain quiet, trying to register the entirety of it all. It has been a good few minutes, and all that can be heard are a hard, laboured breathing.  All Kotone can see was him. Small. Broken. Alone.  The ache in her chest reminds her that it wasn’t a dream.  Silver… Despite the stories he told her, the agony they both went through, nothing could prepare her the sight of a child losing everything before his very eyes. Anger sparked her heart at the memory of what Giovanni had done to him. Although she had only met him once and beat him in battle, Kotone wishes she could go back in time again just so she could punch him in the face.  Granted, the bastard is dead in this time, but still.  She exhales through her mouth. One hand rests where he heart frantically beats. In and out she calms her breathing. She is back in her time. She is back with her beloved Silver. Although she knows she was gone probably in less than an hour, Kotone now wants nothing more than to fly off to Indigo League and give her husband a big hug, Pokémon battle be damned.  “Hey, you okay?”  The sound of her friend’s concern brings her back to her senses. “Yeah…” A smile, small and sad, curves her mouth. “I’m…I’m fine.” She will be fine. Silver is fine.  Returning her knowing smile with his own, Hibiki lets out a sigh. “Man, that was really something.” Grey eyes stare at the shrine behind them. “I don’t know what Celebi was thinking, but I’m just glad we’re back in our time.”  “Maybe she wanted to show us that to help Silver.” Kotone calmly explains, sorrows drips her tone at the bitter memory.  “Maybe she wanted to show you,” he corrects, “I was just there coincidentally.” Feeling as if he had ran a marathon, Hibiki whips out his Pokégear. “Well, I’m all time-travelled out. I’d say we call it a night and head back home.” His thumb unlocks the communication device, ready to call a Pidgeot Grab to fly to Goldenrod.  Kotone only nods once, feeling fatigue rushing over her body. “Yeah…” She considers calling a taxi of her own too, but then opts to just share the ride with him since they were both going in the same direction—  “Huh.”  The single sound snatches her attention.  “What?” Kotone stares at him, a single eyebrow raised.  Hibiki doesn’t answer immediately. Up and down he flicked through the Pokégear screen. “That’s…odd.” He can’t find the Pidgeot Grab application. What’s more, he can’t find the other transportation applications on his phone. “Hey, Kotone, can you try checking if you have….the…” Words fail him when he sees the signal on his phone.  There is a small letter on the top right.  A single eyebrow raised.  Once he pressed the signal bar however, grey eyes then widen in sheer horror.  Realizing that he’s not going to continue his sentence anytime soon, Kotone walks closer towards him. “Hibiki?” Hazel eyes looks at him in confusion. “Hey, you okay?”  His mouth agapes widely. His breath hitches inside his throat.  Confusion now turn to concern, Kotone follows the trail of his sight.  And when she does, her own eyes widen in pure, unbridled shock.  A big, red ‘R’ logo shines menacingly on the phone screen.