#i couldnt write allo sep

[wendronwitch]

Since I headcanon Beetle and Jenna as ace because I'm ace and they are my faves, can you write them on a date being really awkward until one comes out and the other's like "thank goodness, me too!" Or something close to that? I love your writing btw

The soft afternoon glow lights up the entire shop from where it hits. Jenna and Beetle are sitting by the window of one of the newer cafes, trying out something strange that involves mint-chocolate ice-cream and waffles. Beetle’s hands are shaking a little and it takes everything he has not to pull out an emergency flask of FizzFroot and drink the whole thing at one go.

He’s spending the night at Jenna’s place, or she’s coming over to his. They’d decided that the day before, and he’s looking forward to it in some ways, because it’s Jenna, and they’re going to talk and compare academic notes and discuss history and generally just have fun, but he’s dreading it in others, because Beetle knows what spending the night at your girlfriend’s house entails. 

Sex. 

It’s not that he doesn’t love her, per say, or not that he isn’t attracted to her. Beetle’s just never understood the big deal behind it, has never felt the need to progress beyond gentle kissing with anyone. He doesn’t perceive people like that. He used to feel like there was something about him that was missing, that wasn’t the way it ought to be, until one evening sorting through a stash of books, and he’d found antique prints of a magazine that was called The Asexual. He’d read through a few issues, and he’d nearly cried out of relief. He wasn’t alone in how he felt, and there was nothing wrong with him. 

That doesn’t mean that everyone will understand though. Jenna hasn’t made any moves or any advances, hasn’t suggested anything, but he knows that sex as a topic will come up sooner or later, and he doesn’t know how she will take it.

Jenna as a person is certainly not bigoted. She’s big on social justice, and even though they’re both still very young, people are already talking about her being one of the best Queens in the history of the queendom. At the same time, Beetle is her boyfriend. Being her boyfriend means certain things from him, certain requirements he needs to fulfill. If Jenna wants a sexual relationship, he isn’t going to be able to give it to her, because that isn’t something he can give anyone.

He loves Jenna. He loves her so much he thinks his heart might explode with it sometimes, loves her so much that simply thinking of her makes his bad days a little less bad, loves her so much that he thinks he would survive anything and everything, no matter how rough it’d get, if he had her by his side, however corny that is. He loves Jenna so much that he would put her happiness over his own, even. If he can’t give Jenna what she needs to be happy, he would let her go. 

“Beetle?” Jenna asks. She’s wiping her chin with a napkin, her violet eyes soft and concerned and absolutely mesmerizing in the sunlight. “Are you alright? I think I lost you for a minute there.” 

Beetle could say yes, pretend everything’s alright, wait until they’re both slipping into the same bed at night to do what he’s thinking of as The Grand Reveal. Instead, he sees his chance and shakes his head. 

“There’s something I need to tell you,” he says.  He picks up a waffle and bites it, just for something to do. 

Jenna nods at him to go ahead. 

“I’m asexual,” he says. “I’m absolutely in love with you, but I don’t want us to have sex.” 

Jenna’s eyes widen.

“Not now, not ever,” Beetle goes on to say, mostly to fill the silence, mostly because he doesn’t know what he’s going to do next. “I mean, I’ve never wanted to do that with anyone, you know, and if I did want to have sex with someone it would be you, and I love you so much, but sex as an activity just, doesn’t sound appealing at all, and -”

Jenna gently leans forward, pressing one of her hands against his mouth. Beetle stops talking.

“I feel the same way,” she admits. 

Beetle feels as if his heart has stopped beating. 

“I wasn’t sure if it’d be an always thing, you know,” she says, moving her hand off his face. “I mean, not that I would stop being asexual because I know it’s not a phase or whatever, just that. You know that Sep is demisexual, yeah?” 

Beetle blinks. He had not known that.

Jenna winces. “Thought you knew. Okay, it’s fine, he’s pretty open about it, I don’t think he’d mind you knowing. But for a while I thought, maybe you’d be different. Maybe the longer we spend together, the easier it’d be, to want you in that way. But it hasn’t happened, and I don’t think it’s going to happen.” 

Beetle nods.

“I love you too,” Jenna says, silently, like it’s something sacred. “I love you so much. If it was going to be anyone, it would’ve been you.”

“I know,” Beetle says. “I know.” 

Jenna smiles at him, and Beetle smiles back. 

“I’m glad we spoke about this,” Beetle says, rifling through his pockets to pay the bill. 

“Me too,” Jenna says, a new note of confidence in her voice. Beetle suddenly realises that she’d been just as nervous as he was, for the exact same reason as him. The realisation makes him feel oddly comfortable. They’re in this thing together. 

“Hey, Beetle?” Jenna says, beckoning the waiter over. She tips them generously. 

“Lunch is on me,” she says.