#i couldnt decide between the two poses and then i realised it looks like 2 continuous comic panels sooo :D

[eeridescence]

fb reminded that i wrote this a year ago today. after reading it i cringed hard at my romantic and slightly melodramatic tendencies, not that anything has changed; but was also glad that i had written this down at length such that revisiting it is possible. clearly, it had moved me significantly enough then. here it is:

shared a really intimate 2-3 hours with a community cat of boon lay just now. i squatted by it, and it approached me to give me head butts and to rub its body against my legs. typical affe(manipulative)ctionate community cat. i meowed and it replied, then again. more meows. unusually talkative. after a brief separation, at another area nearby, i spotted it taking big, deliberate strides, as if it knew where it was heading. indeed, it does.

i decided to follow it-- this was where the surprise happened-- it welcomed my shadowing it, even turning to look at me or my shoes every 3 steps to ensure we were in tandem and that i was following it. i was convinced it knew it was leading me wherever it wanted to go. we stopped behind a bush, it reached into the gaps of a drain cover and pulled out a suspicious-looking, not-very-small thing, which was probably a carcass. i could not know what that thing was, except it is crunchy because cat sounded like it was nibbling on a dried leaf when in fact it was tearing some parts up and chewing satisfyingly. remnants of that snack looked like the exoskeleton of insect wings.

we came to a wall, and it started grooming itself while holding some of those amusing cat yoga poses everyone loves to see a cat make (even though they may not like cats). it closed its eyelids slowly, such that its eyes formed horizontal slits, i meowed, it closed its eyes again. this was when i knew it could detect the lullaby in my meows, somehow.

the affection was mutual, we both wanted to depend on each other. i knew that because whenever i stood up and turned away as it took a rest, it would jump up to tag along. i no longer knew who was leading who but we walked away from the lamp posts and towards more darkness. i couldnt stop marveling at how a private connection could be established as soon as a human and domesticated animal decided to walk alongside each other. for the first time i had a taste of what it's like to have your pet walk you, and not the other way around.

we arrived at a steep flight of stairs which sat outside of the multi-storey carpark, curved inwards slightly. it climbed up and so did i. we arrived at the first landing, it settled down and began to groom itself yet again. i abruptly realised that this was probably not its first time here. i squatted with my back against the wall and surveyed the carpark floor. nobody in sight. still air. decidedly eerie, but with a decent and unobstructed view of the night sky. it stood up, front legs already on the next two steps of the next flight of stairs. i was reluctant to go higher, but i did anyway. we were at the top of this flight of stairs, but at an intermediate floor, not the highest. the air was still, still, and not a single soul in sight, still. it seemed to enjoy this unadulterated solitude but all i could think about was how someone could kill the cat, or a person, here and now and nobody would see or hear. after a few more long moments of looking at it being so at ease, and at the stars in the sky, i began walking down, said (pleaded) "let's go", and it did.

then we walked to an area in front of a badminton court, where there was a game going on. it watched the game, paws folded, and i watched it watch the game. i poured a bottle cap of water and placed it in between both its paws. it started to lick the side of the cap, and realised it could treat the bottle cap as a mini water bowl.

we went around the badminton court to an even darker area with steps. a person was sitting there already. the cat climbed up the steps to go near the person, and he petted it lovingly. it made a new friend. a possessive pang started to rise in me, but i curbed it because feeling possessive over a community cat is nonsensical, and they never think twice about beginning a new relationship with a human.

i wonder why people like me are so willing to fall in love voluntarily, knowing that we'd fall out of it quickly yet involuntarily. but i think i know the answer too: presence of mind suspends time. i also wonder if cats know that other planets exist, or if they ever look up at the stars.