#i couldn't work out riley's character without an age difference but i'm trying to make it not so sketchy

[returnsandreturns]

re-working the grumpy/sunshine eating disorder recovery romance

“I understand it’s upsetting to hear,” Ella says, patiently, “but it kind of feels like you’re upset with me for having a childhood straight out of a SVU episode.”

“What?” Riley asks. “God, no — just — I don’t understand how you’re so. . .so. ..”

“I’m going to guess based on our previous interactions,” she says. "Obnoxious? Fake? Ella, if I could get away with killing you for talking at that volume this early in the morning, I would do it?”

“Did I say that?” Riley asks, wincing

“In your defense, I was being very loud,” she says, smiling, “and it was very early.”

“I’m such a dick,” he says, faintly.

“I interpret it as about 25% being a dick,” she says, lifting her head up as the wind picks up a little, sending her curls flying, “and 75% trying to make everybody think that you’re a dick so they’ll stop inviting you to stupid little town events and you can maintain your status as town hermit.”

He squints at her.

“You’re inexplicable,” he says, with the slightest hint of a tired, genuine smile that makes her stomach do something absolutely horrific. Butterflies. She doesn’t get those. “You know that, kid?”

“I feel like I’m pretty explicable,” she says, “but I guess there are a lot pieces to put together to get there.”

Riley’s smile grows a little before it settles into something sadder, eyes searching her face before he looks away, saying, “I know that saying I’m sorry is a useless thing to say when it comes to what you went through, so just—imagine that I said whatever the comforting version of that is, okay?”

“. . .that was actually pretty damn comforting,” she says, nudging him a little.

“You’re not fake at all, are you?” he asks, after a moment, like he’s been working it out in his head. “I thought the whole—walking on sunshine, consummate morning person, good girl schtick was a schtick but you’re just. . .like that. I don’t think you could walk out of all the bullshit that life has piled on you and still be able to fake. . .this.”

He gestures vaguely at her and she smirks.

“It’s not like I’m not fucked up,” she says, sighing. “I just. . .I woke up one day and decided to take as many buses as I needed until I hit ocean. I could either figure out how to live or walk right in and I picked the first one. I’m not gonna let everything I left behind eat the rest of my fucking life away. I can’t put any more energy into hating everything.”

Riley stares at her, looking surprised.

“Did I strike a chord?” she asks, unable to put the smirk away.

“Don’t get cocky,” Riley says, rolling his eyes.

She kicks her heels a little, looking out into the grey sky, the choppy water on the rocks. There’s a storm coming and the wind is making her shiver in old jeans and a too big t-shirt. Riley eyes her skeptically when she glances up at him, like they had the same thought at the same time.

“I’m supposed to give you my jacket now,” he says. “Aren’t I?”

“The townsfolk will talk,” she says, voice lilting.

“They already talk,” he says, dryly, shrugging off his jacket and cautiously putting it around her, like he’s trying not actually touch her. “Better?”

“Better,” she echoes, fluttering her lashes at him exaggeratedly.

“I’m taking it back,” he says, plucking at one of the sleeves, and she laughs and leans to the side.

“Absolutely not,” she says. “You’re repairing some emotional damage of mine right now, dude, don’t ruin it.”

“Well, fuck, if it’s that useful,” he says, sighing and wrapping an arm around her, letting her lean into him heavily. She knows that the scent of old books from his store isn’t strong enough to make him smell like that but her brain still imagines it. In reality, it’s one of those manly body washes that smells like a forest, which is honestly a close second. The tendency to smell like a forest is one of few redeeming traits men have in her experience. She opens her mouth to say something along those lines but Riley’s face is content as he looks ahead and she pauses.

Ella’s never met a silence she was comfortable with.

She’s really fucking comfortable right now.