#i couldn't give two three four 100 shits about the song

[h-f-k]

i was literally talking with a friend how i miss tour music videos SO much and this hit me right in the nostalgia

[headoverhiddles]

The Stiffs, The Stiffy, and Me - Billy Blaze (Night Shift) x Reader [Smut]

Synopsis: Your wild and cute coworker Billy and you go back to his place on a whim, while Chuck holds down the fort for the night shift. 

Notes: I love Michael Keaton lol and I love this movie. Watch it if you haven’t, it’s hilarious, and so is he! 

The quaint little morgue that you worked in was only a temporary job. 

You would be onto bigger, better things soon, but for now, it was a good job, and it was a shift that worked perfectly for you-- no people around at night. Except for your coworkers.

One was a very docile guy, Chuck, probably in his thirties or fourties, who had been working here forever. He was nice enough. Then there was the other one... the one you couldn't get out of your mind. Billy. 

He was crazy. He was a fast talking, party animal idea man. His energy was so exciting to you, and his charismatic charms were not lost on you either. 

You put your jacket on around halfway through your shift. Across the room, your two coworkers talk softly. 

Chuck folds a file up. "You know, (y/n) is very much into you." 

Bill waves a hand. "Naaah, she's totally n-- really?" 

Chuck fixes him with a look. "Yeah, Billy, really. She's dropping hints left right and centre, you'd have to be dense not to pick up on them!" 

Bill blinks, and clears his throat. "Yeah, I knew she was into me, I was just... checking to see if, uh... if you knew, cause you know, it's exciting news, not surprising, but--"

"Yeah okay, she's over there if you're wondering," Chuck mutters, trying to hide his smile. Billy whips around, sees you, and turns back, licking his palms and slicking back his hair. 

"How do I look?" 

"Like you do every day." 

"Only cooler, right?" he winks.

"Oh sure." 

Bill grabs a couple wads of tissues. He looks both ways, unzipping his fly, and stuffs them into his crotch. "I'm packing tonight when I get it in!" He grins, and Chuck raises his eyebrows. 

"Billy?" 

"Yessiree, Chuck-man?!" 

"She's going to be unzipping that, if you do in fact 'get it in'." 

He points down, and Bill snaps his fingers. "You're right. You know, you always have my back, Chuck, I love you buddy." 

"I love you too Bill, and so does she, so pull up your pants and turn around." Bill turns, and comes face to face with you. 

You bite your lip, looking at the handsome young man, standing there in his loose jacket that's a few sizes too big, his hair in a mess of curls, and his headphones around his neck. He gives you that lopsided grin; it's a smile different from the usual cocky ones he gives, one that he reserves for you alone. It's a smile that looks like he's just been blindsided. 

"Your fly is undone," you wink. He goes red, and immediately scrambles to zip himself back up and look cool doing it. 

"Thanks. You, uh, you look sweet," he says. 

"So do you," you return. He blinks out of his trance. 

"You noticed? Aw, you flatter me." 

You giggle. "Hey, um... I was hoping you'd--"

"Do you wanna go to dinner?!" he suddenly blurts, and curses. "Shut up Bill, let the woman speak!" he hisses, and you poke his hand, taking a step closer.  

"Well I'm real hungry now, if you wanna split." 

"Chuck--" Billy begins to beg. 

"Got it," the older man says, dismissing you two. As Bill's leaving after you, he spins around and does a celebratory air guitar riff for Chuck, who just shoos him out again. 

At his car, Bill opens the passenger door for you. 

"Hey," he says once inside, "Okay, this gives me an idea, hold the phone...” he clicks his recorder, “This is Bill, I’m gonna write a porn about two people bangin’ in a morgue, call it...” He puts his hands up. “The Stiffs, The Stiffy, and Me.”” 

You hesitate. “But we’re not banging in a morgue.”

“I didn’t say it was gonna star us!” He side eyes you as he turns the ignition. “Unless... you feel like starring in a porno, I mean--”

“No.”

“Cool, sweet, no sweat. Hey you wanna know something pretty rad?" 

"What?" 

"The windows in here are tinted. So... theoretically, if we wanted to fuck, we could 100% do so, even in front of cops with binoculars, I shit you not." 

You giggle, and lean over. He leans in too, so both of you are leaning on the console. "Bill... sorry to disappoint..." His face falls a little as he braces himself for his usual rejection. "--But the positions I wanna get you in just wouldn't work in here." 

His eyes widen, and he grins, revving up the engine. As he drives through city traffic, you put your hand on his thigh, slowly inching your way up. His grip on the steering wheel tightens, and you finally unzip him. 

"Oh shit," he murmurs, smiling excitedly. You smirk up at him,  and reach over, taking his cock out of his boxers. "Oh, shit!" he repeats, mouth dropping, "Oh, god yes." You start to jerk him, and climb over the armrest, lowering your mouth down over him as he drives. "Oh, fuck yes... this is instantly the greatest, most rocking night ever, babe," he groans, and you continue to suck him. "Fuck, gonna crash the car. Wow. Wow!" 

"Don't crash the car," you mumble. 

"I won't crash the car," he nods, and finally floors it down his street. Pulling up in front of his apartment, you zip him back up, and grin at the sight of his erection straining against his jeans.

He jumps out of the driver's side, practically skipping to your side, and opens the door for you, offering his arm playfully. You take it, and he immediately pulls you in, holding your arms to him as he kisses you. Your head spins with the intensity of it, and you kiss back. The two of you don't stop for the door-- he blindly feels his way in with the key, and you two do the same thing in the elevator, kissing and moaning and touching. A woman gets on at the fourth floor, and ducks each time one of you flails out, trying to avoid a collision. 

Once inside his apartment, he slams the door, one arm on either side of your head. His gaze is predatory-- you want him bad. He picks you up bridal style, and kicks his way through all kinds of crap on the floor, like magazines, take out containers, and clothes. 

"Wasn't expecting guests," he teases, swooping down to kiss you again.

You both fall back onto his bed, and you roll over top of him. His radio is on, playing classic rock that gets your blood pumping even more than it is.

"Yeah," he groans, hands coming down to feel your hips, "That's so good..." 

"I just wish we had more room on here," you grin, and he holds up a finger.

"Hold the phone!" He gets out his tape recorder, and clicks a button, raising an eyebrow. "Bill here... sex-sized beds. Perfect for two people!" 

"Isn't that just a queen?" you laugh. 

"It's all in the marketing. Everyone's gonna want my sex bed," he explains excitedly. 

"For now..." you redirect his attention with your breasts as you unhook your bra, and he lets out a little noise, eyes popping. He feels them, and bucks his hips up, so you unbuckle him, pulling his jeans down. He kicks them off. You take your pants off as well, panties with them, and after he rolls a condom on, you slide down over his dick, sighing softly at the stretch. 

"Ya like it?" he smirks, "Big enough for ya?" 

"It’s perfect," you smile, flipping your hair back, and start to ride him into the bed. He groans, clutching you, and soon, he sits you two up, kissing you hard as you wrap your legs behind his back, both of you in a sitting position. You look into each other's eyes as he pounds you, every thrust bringing you closer. 

"You look real hot like this," he breathes, captivated by you. You smile, bopping your coworker, friend, and apparently lover on the nose. 

"You're cute." 

He groans, pulling you tighter to his bare chest as he fucks you. You tilt your head back, then lean forward, letting your forehead fall against his as warmth begins to build in your stomach. 

"So hot... so, so fuckin hot," he grins, laughing, and you laugh too, letting the beat and the guitar in whatever Zeppelin song playing take you away. 

"Gonna come," you gasp, your pussy clenching around him. 

"Hell, baby, me too, yeah, me too," he grimaces, and you both meet in the middle, kissing as you come. He's still hard as you come down, so you turn around, getting on all fours. He licks his lips, and starts thrusting fast, holding your back and feeling your ass as he chases his release. Three more thrusts, and he comes into the condom, chanting your name. The radio announcer announces some ACDC, and you let out a whistle. 

"You know something?" You turn your head behind you. "I've never come that hard in my god damn life!" 

Bill balks. "Seriously?" 

"Yeah!" you laugh. 

"Shit," he mutters, then shrugs. "Then let's do it again." You giggle, and you two get to making out.

----

The next night at work, Chuck sees you two come in together. "Was it a fortuitous evening?" he asks from his desk, fingers folded. 

"It was pretty freaking fortuitous, Chuck, yeah," Billy grins, winking your way, and you blush as you go to get your uniform on. 

"I'm glad, because it was our busiest night," Chuck shakes his head, "The one night you choose to grow a spine." Bill scoffs.

"I always had a spine! I just... y'know, took it out and dusted it off last night."

"Please don't talk to me about dusting off spines, I had enough of all kinds of bones last night." 

"Well, glad you had a good night with the stiffs, buddy! I sure had a good time with MY bone, and my uh... new chick." He pulls you in for a kiss and dips you, as Chuck rolls his eyes. 

"Adorable. Now get to work doing nothing."