#i couldn’t post this on my main due to the shame that would instantly kill me

[mikeyd1986]

MIKEY’S PERSONAL BLOG 49, April 2017

Last week, I enrolled myself in a free online Wellbeing course through the MindSpot Clinic. It’s a self-paced course which offers lots of information about ways to deal with anxiety, depression, worries, low mood and stress. I’m currently working through Lesson 2 which focuses on challenging your thoughts. There is also a therapist available who you can contact via the website or over the phone as well as additional resources, online questionnaires and client case stories to help you work through the issues you’re currently dealing with. https://mindspot.org.au/wellbeing-c...

On Tuesday morning, I had my flu vaccine at work. I’ve always hated needles and injections of any kind but today I was trying hard to remain calm and collected about it. It really helped that I had some fellow team members there to distract me. The string of the syringe wasn’t too bad but I was more anxious about the side effects after sitting back down in the tearoom. http://www.immunise.health.gov.au/i...

For the first five or ten minutes, I was fine...until I began sweating and became light headed. “Oh shit! Here we go again.” I thought to myself as the nurse named Sharon escorted me over to the sofa to lie down and elevate my legs on the cushion. She also gave me a glass of water and applied a damp cloth to my forehead. It was actually comforting rather than embarrassing having my workmates ask me if I was feeling okay. I just accepted my negative reaction and after a few minutes, I was feeling much better and the colour was returning in my face.

On Tuesday night, I went to my Body Combat class at YMCA Casey ARC in Narre Warren. Sadly, my usual instructor Cinamon Guerin was away tonight and we had a lady named Paula instead. Paula was still very encouraging and motivating throughout the class saying things like “Well done guys. Keep it up.” and “You’re nearly there.” I actually did pretty well following the movements during the first half of the class, which was mostly jab boxes, upper cuts, high knees and side kicks.

But I have to admit that I was fatiguing pretty hard tonight. The step lunges were really difficult for me and the push-up section absolutely killed me. I was actually beginning to feel nauseous during the Muay Thai track but thankfully didn’t throw up for real. By the time I got to the last Power Combat track, I literally had “nothing left in the tank” as Lisa-Faye from The Biggest Loser: Transformed would say. https://www.lesmills.com/workouts/f...

On Wednesday night, I went down to YMCA Casey ARC to do my Water Workout class. The pool and the carpark were both absolutely packed. I couldn’t believe it. As I arrived fairly early, I decided to spend 10 minutes in the spa to relax and loosen the tension in my muscles before the class started. It was a really big class with 22 people participating. A lady named Wendy was the instructor and naturally she made the workout very fun and entertaining.

It was a struggle to keep up with some of the movements, especially ones involving co-ordination but every had a laugh about it. Wendy really mixed things up with exercises including tuck jumps, donkey kicks, rock n’ roll, jogging, rolly polly, side and front kicks, baby crawl and underwater scooping. http://www.caseyarc.ymca.org.au/par...

On Thursday morning, I had an appointment with my support worker Ally at The Coffee Club - Fountain Gate. It was a really long session as we were chatting on for about an hour and a half. I discussed my recent financial issues and my plan to get things back on track. My work related stress and anxiety, how my triggers affect me and finding better ways to cope. I’m trying to use mindfulness techniques to stay focused in the moment and remind myself that I’m doing the best that I can. I also can’t control other people or the situations around me. https://www.dss.gov.au/our-responsi...

On Thursday night, I went to my Bring It On yoga class at Now, Yoga. in Narre Warren South. I haven’t been to the studio in over 3 weeks since the members night due to financial difficulties. I’ve spent the last week or so trying to let go of all the negative emotions I’ve had about it...shame, guilt, anger, embarrassment, hopelessness. None of these things are truly helpful when it comes to taking back control of my spending habits and getting on top of my debt. It took a lot of courage to share my truth with Keren Gurrieri but I’m glad I did it. Being broke doesn’t make me a bad person or even an unworthy person. It’s a temporary state and in a couple of months, I’ll be in a better position and feeling much lighter.

Tonight’s class was fairly challenging in that it involved lots of strengthening poses through the legs, shoulders and arms. We did a sequence of poses with our heels into the wall including Downward Facing Dog, Plank, Chaturanga, Cobra, Three Legged Dog and Knee to Nose. We also did some Warrior poses including Warrior 1, Twisting Warrior, Forward Fold and Warrior 3. We finished the class by doing some L-shaped handstands into the wall. I wasn’t really feeling comfortable doing them as I was dripping in sweat and a little fatigued so I chose to simply do Downward Facing Dog pose into the wall. http://nowyoga.net.au/

On Friday night, my family and I drove down to the Nepean Country Club in Rye to spend a few nights relaxing and unwinding. Sadly, I wasn’t in the best mental state and hence was feeling very indifferent, unmotivated, depressed and socially disconnected. The main cause was my bad addiction to social media. Every time I’d see a post, check-in, photo or video from one of my friends, I’d instantly feel jealous and inadequate. I’d ask myself “Am I not good enough to be invited?” or “I wish I had a great social life like them”.

It was really getting me down and so I had to force myself to switch my phone off and limit my use of Facebook and Instagram. It’s like my boredom and loneliness consumes me and I have this obsessive-compulsive need to check my notifications every 5 minutes. It was really destroying my life and having a huge negative affect on my mental health. Thankfully, there was plenty of activities at the resort we were staying at to keep my mind active.

We are staying in one of the two-storey villas which contains two bedrooms, two bathrooms, a kitchen, living and dining areas and a balcony. There’s also plenty of facilities at the resort including a tennis court, squash court, bowling green, golf course, swimming pool, sauna, gym, games room and a day spa. http://nepeancountryclub.com.au/

On Saturday, my parents and I went for a brief walk around the resort before driving down to Arthurs Seat, Victoria for the afternoon. We rode on the new Eagle Skylift which replaced the old Chairlifts last year. I’m really nervous when it comes to heights and so I was clinging to my seat as our Skylift started to ascend. Thankfully, it was moving at a glacial speed and eventually I was able to relax and enjoy the views surrounding the Arthurs Seat area. https://aseagle.com.au/

Later that night, we went down to the Nepean Chinese Restaurant for dinner. Sadly, it wasn’t a traditional Chinese restaurant at all and the overall interior was very plain and modern with only a handful of Asian-inspired decorations adorning the walls. The food on the other hand was delicious. We ordered a banquet between the three of us which included chicken soup, spring rolls, curry puffs, prawn crackers, special fried rice, lemon chicken, steamed vegetables, a banana fritter with ice cream and a pot of Chinese jasmine tea. http://nepeancountryclub.com.au/nep...

“Join our group and you will find harmony and peace of mind. Make you better. We’re here to welcome you. We’re all on a journey to finding the real inner you. Make you better. We’re here to welcome you. Happiness. How did you get to be happiness. How did you get to find love, real love.” Goldfrapp - Happiness (2008)

“Some people don’t get much. Some people feel they’re in touch with spirit worlds, talking to you know...You know it. You owe it to yourself. You won’t let it make you mad, it’s already crazy.” Goldfrapp - Some People (2008)