#i couldn’t post this on my main due to the shame that would instantly kill me

[chiquitin-o]

okay so i don’t know if you ever plan on finishing mob psycho (i hope you do </3) but it is insinuated that living in seasoning city is jaw droppingly cheap. not only is rent probably low due to the near constant destruction of the city (you’ll see soon) but there is a manga panel where one of reigens clients says they bought their apartment for like $20. not sure if that’s a translation error or if they missed a 0 but it’d still be incredibly cheap

how the hell does reigen survive on a hundred bucks an exorcism anyways

[paintedface]

takes some time

summary: you encounter your ex, the infamous lance tucker, and despite the nasty breakup, you feel him drawing you back in

pairing: lance tucker x reader

word count: 4257 words

warnings: angst, a bit of shaming, a lot of fluff (don’t worry, i still have a heart)

notes: hello! thank you so much to the beautiful @cumonbucky for motivating me constantly on this fic, and sharing my love for lance the dickhead.

it’s been 5000 years since i’ve posted a fic, and unfortunately there may not be fics for a while due to a europe choir tour and a two month camp that I go to in about a month (the latter being without wifi!!) and I’ll try to schedule some things, but in the mean time, enjoy this lancey stuff

Permanent Tags are OPEN | masterlist

“Ah, Y/N Y/L/N, I didn’t expect to see you back here.”

You tense, before bringing yourself to turn around. You instantly feel a pang to your heart when you see the man before you.

“Lance Tucker. Well, I’m only here to talk to Hope.” You give him a bitter smile, jerking your chin in the direction of Hope’s office.

He smirks, leaning against the wall with his arms folded over his chest. “You sure about that? Or did you just wanna see me again?”

You have to tell yourself to breathe, or else you’ll tell him that yes, I did want to see you again. But you manage to keep your breath under control, though your smile drops.

“I was hoping not to run into you, actually.” You say levelly, eyeing him warily. His hand flies to his heart, his expression feigning hurt.

“Ouch, that’s not very nice of you, sweetheart.” He pouts, and you can feel your nails dig into your palms as he watches your composure begin to crumble in a matter of seconds.

“Don’t pretend to be nice, Lance.” You say harshly, your bottom lip beginning to tremble slightly.

Your shaking voice lowers to something barely above a whisper. “You’re the one who cut it off.”

Before he can say something, you turn to cross the gym sharply, where Hope is coming out of her office. You can’t give Lance the satisfaction of being able to break you. You quickly wipe your eyes before you greet Hope, her wide grin making you smile again, as she pulls you into a hug.

“Run into Lance, yet?” Hope asks, the two of you now in her office. You sighs, nodding in resignation and crossing your arms over your chest.

“Yeah, just before we came in here. I almost cried in front of him.” You mutter, still ashamed.

She raises an eyebrow, coming around the desk to sit on it, in front of your chair. “Shit, girl, you’ve got to let him go. He’s the one that should be crying like a fucking baby, for letting you go.”

Hope goes silent for a moment, before saying, “What actually happened? I know the vague details but I’m pretty much in the dark.”

Tears prick your eyes at the thought of reliving that goddamn night, and seeing him again just put more salt in the wound. “I…”

Her face softens instantly, putting a hand on your shoulder gently. “You don’t have to tell me if he was really that much of a manwhore.”

You let out a slightly teary laugh at her description of him, shaking your head. “It’s okay, I wanna tell you, because I know you slap guys better than anyone I know.”

Her grin is fast and sharp. “You’re right about that. Now tell me, so I know how hard to do it.”

8 months ago

“Lance? Wh-what are you doing?” You whisper, heart beating fast as you watch your long term boyfriend throw the last of his things into his luggage.

He snorts, rolling his eyes. “Surely you knew it was coming to this. We were never going to last, Y/N.” He slings his jacket over his shoulder as your hands begin to tremble.

“Everyone knows that I’m too good for you, Y/N. Everyone.” Lance scoffs, before heading to the entrance. You can’t believe what you’re hearing, because everything seemed fine yesterday and now it’s just crashing down. Tears are filling your eyes at a rapid pace as he opens the door.

“Oh, and don’t try calling me. I don’t need your voice clogging up my voicemail.” He says swiftly, before walking out without sparing you another glance.

Your breath feels like it’s been torn out with a fist, as you let your tears flow freely, knees feeling as if they’re about to buckle at any moment. You let out a sob, and another, and another, because you don’t know where you went wrong.

Hope’s mouth is agape as you finish your story, looking down at your lap so you don’t cry again at the memories.

“Fuck, Y/N, that’s horrible.” She murmurs gently, in contrast to her teasing tone beforehand, hugging you closely.

You bite your lip to keep the tears in as you wrap your arms around her, burying your head in her shoulder.

“I didn’t know he was such a dick, but how can you even stand to talk to him now? You didn’t deserve any of that.”

You shrug, pulling away reluctantly. “I probably did and…”

“Girl, stop.” Hope gives you a glare and you shut up. “You’re one of the best people I know, you’re so fucking kind, funny and beautiful and I would honestly date you if I wasn’t dating Ben.”

You give a weak chuckle, standing up. “Ben’s good, fuck off. Don’t ditch him.”

Hope gives you a smile, flicking her fringe out of her eyes. “I won’t. I’ll go speak to Lance as you make your escape, I’ll make sure to make him bruise.”

She heads out of the door before you, instantly crossing the gym towards Lance, who’s doing one handed push ups on the gym floor. You quickly dodge out of the building, not wanting to be caught by the man. Because from the conversation you had with him before, he’s out to make your life a living hell.

“Hey sugartits.” Lance gets up from his push ups to greet Hope. Before he can even properly stand up, he sees Hope’s arm move, and the next thing, he’s stumbling to the side, his cheek throbbing in pain.

He groans, hands flying up to cup his cheek, glaring at Hope. “What the fuck, Hope?! What did I do this time?!” The sting was growing, and he knew that it, for sure, was gonna at least leave a mark for a couple of days.

If looks could kill, Lance would’ve been dead, right on the spot. Hope’s hands are curled into fists, and for her small stature, she could be intimidating when she wanted to.

“How the fuck could you have done such a shitty thing to Y/N?! And have the goddamn audacity to even talk to her when she came back?!” Hope yells, her voice increasing in pitch and volume. Lance winces at her harsh words, looking away, eyes lingering on the exit of the gym.

“I don’t know.” Is all he says, and Hope scoffs, reaching out to shove him lightly in the chest.

“Bull shit, you don’t know. I thought you were the perfect damn couple! Her kindness outweighed your dick personality, and you made her laugh so much. I know something went down between the two of you, but I didn’t know it was just you.” The anger in her voice lowers, and she shakes her head. “Why?”

He bites his lip, gesturing helplessly with his right hand. He knew he couldn’t give Hope a half-assed answer, because she’d fucking know. “I thought it’d be for the best. She’s...better off without me so I made her leave. I made her leave.” His voice cracks on the last sentence, and Hope’s face softens, if only a little.

“Lance, you gotta know that I still hate you, but if you loved her, you should’ve stayed with her. You think she’s better off without you but you hurt her more than you helped her. You made her so happy, Lance, when you guys were in a relationship, it was like a sappy teen movie and though it was so fucking cheesy, it was the happiest I’ve ever seen either of you.” She crosses her arms, looking up at the taller man.

Lance sighs, left hand massaging his increasingly red cheek. “I didn’t know what to fucking do. I was gonna fuck it up at some point, right? So I did it the way that everyone expects me to; to ditch them because I’m so far up my own ass.”

“Yeah, but you could’ve talked it out if you did fuck up at some point. You didn’t even give her a choice, and you hurt her in the process.” Hope’s tone gets harsher at the end and her eyes widen in surprise at the sight of tears at the corner of Lance’s.

“I loved her, Hope. I still fucking love her, but I went and ruined it, and I don’t know how to talk to her anymore.” He whispers, mind going back to your interaction earlier that day, heart clenching at your expression.

Hope tilts her head, and he can see the gears turning in her head. “I have a plan, but I’m only doing this for Y/N’s happiness, not yours. I still won’t forgive you and I never will, especially if you fuck it up this time as well.”

“Wait, really?” Lance asks softly, and she nods, walking towards her office.

“Come with me, dickbreath, and we’ll talk strategy.”

7 months ago

Like he said, you never called him. But every night, Lance had his phone in his hand, his only connection to you now, waiting for your name to appear on his screen, but it never happened.

He’d been living like this for a month, eat breakfast, go to work, have lunch, come back home, have dinner and and then just think back over all the memories he ever had with you. It’s his fault, he knows, but he knew that he couldn’t call you. He broke your goddamn heart, for fuck’s sake, as if you’d pick up.

He sighs, putting the phone down as his eyes flickered over to the picture frame on his coffee table. It’s a picture of you and him, on your first anniversary, when you went to a pop up carnival. He has his arm wrapped around your waist closely, lips hovering over your hair as you smile brightly at the photographer, the bright lights of the ferris wheel illuminating the two of you.

Lance picks up the photo, tears slipping out of his eyes as he smiles at the memory, but mourns the loss of the thought of never having a moment like that ever again. All because of him.

Present day

“Hit me baby one more-“

You scramble to get your phone to stop your Britney Spears ringtone, pressing answer and holding it up to your ear.

“Yes?”

“Main bitch! I have somebody I want you to meet.” Hope’s cheerful voice blares through the phone’s speaker and you grimace, settling back onto the pristine hotel blankets.

“I don’t want to meet anyone, Hope. I just wanna take a bubble bath tonight, because I bought a shit ton of bath products from the mall.” You sigh, crossing one leg over the other.

“Yeah, that’s fine, I scheduled your blind date for tomorrow night.”

“What?! You already booked it?!” You screech, sitting up straight.

Hope laughs from the other side and you groan. “Hell yeah I did, it’ll be at 7:00pm, Sylvio’s, that fancy restaurant you like, don’t you dare be late. I’ll be there to introduce you to the date.”

You huff, shaking your head even though she can’t see it. “And this date, did you rope them into it?”

There’s a moment of silence where you think she’s hung up, but then she speaks. “No. He was more than willing.” You sense that there’s more meaning behind those few words, but before you can ask, the line clicks off.

Sighing, you set your phone down and you get off the bed, heading towards your bathroom. You need that bath now.

A nervous smile comes across your face as you look at yourself in your mirror. You’ve done well, choosing out a dress that looks elegant yet modern, and that defines your form beautifully. You haven’t done much with your hair but you’ve styled it slightly, along with some subtle makeup to accentuate your features.

You check the time again, before grabbing your purse. Your Uber’s coming in five minutes, and Hope would murder you if you were late. Quickly checking things over, you exit your apartment block, quickly getting into the car and getting on your way to Sylvio’s.

You’ve had a few dates on your own accord, not Hope’s, after your break up with Lance, but that still doesn’t change your nervous mindset. What if they don’t like me? What if I make a bad impression? What if… The worries are endless, but you try to make conversation with the driver, to distract yourself. He makes for a pleasant talk, bidding you a kind goodbye and good luck as you step out of the car.  

Your low heels click across the pavement, pulling the heavy door of the restaurant open. You can see Hope instantly, her blonde hair pulled into her classic ponytail, accompanied by Ben. You smile and wave at her, and she beams, heading over to you.

“Y/N! You’re here!” She embraces you, and pulls away, nodding to the steward at the front of the restaurant. “She’s with me.”

The restaurant is just as beautiful as you remember; delicate chandeliers hanging from the high ceilings, the tables decorated with roses, candles and gold cutlery. Everything is set under a warm colour theme, making it feel cosy despite the magnitude of it all.

You look across the lines of tables, and your eyes land on a person that you know way too well. You stiffen instantly, feeling your chest tighten as you notice the empty seat opposite of him.

“Hope.” You whisper nervously, and she looks at you. “Lance is here.”

She raises an eyebrow, noticing your line of gaze. “Yeah?”

“I can’t fucking stand to see him necking with another girl, right next to me. I can’t. I’m not that strong.” You gesture to the empty seat, hands beginning to tremble. God, as much as he’s been an utter asshole, your stomach still turns at the idea of Lance being with somebody else, somebody better, than you.

“Well luckily, you won’t have to.” Hope says simply, and your eyebrows furrow in confusion, until Lance catches your eye.

And it feels like your heart almost stops, at the tentative smile he gives you as he stands up. Fuck, he’s walking towards you, Hope and Ben, with his eyes locked on yours.

“Hey.” He says, furtively glancing at Hope.

She sighs, crossing her arms. “Don’t fuck this up Lance, because I will personally rip your head off. Y/N,” Hope jerks her chin towards Lance. “Your blind date, Lance Tucker.”

Your mouth parts slightly in shock, heart thumping wildly in your chest, and before you can ask Hope what the hell is happening, her and Ben have already disappeared from the restaurant.

“I bet this is your worst nightmare, hey?” Lance chuckles despondently, his tone bordering heavily on something that sounds a lot like shame.

“I…” You trail off, eyes looking anywhere but his face, which unfortunately, is his gorgeous body. He’s wearing a dark blue suit with red accents, tailored to show off his lean figure, with a white shirt with the top two buttons undone. Typical, he obviously can’t stray from the American flag.

“I just...don’t know what’s going on.” You finish quietly, eyes trailing back to his face.

He gives you another nervous, small smile, gesturing towards the table that he was sitting at. “I’ll explain, I promise, because you deserve at least an explanation for...everything.” He says softly, pulling out your chair for you. You sit down, willing your legs not to crumble beneath you.

A waitress comes around to ask whether you’d like a drink, and you ask for a light champagne, whereas Lance gets a red wine. You then order your food, barely concentrating on what you’re getting.

“Did...Hope know about this?” Is the first thing you say when the waitress leaves. 

He nods, combing a hand through his hair. “She did. But she wasn’t trying to betray you or anything she was just…”

“I understand, Lance, but…” You gesture around his face vaguely, “why did you set this up? Last time we talked, you were sort of a...dick.” You end in barely a whisper and he sighs, eyes flickering from your lips to your eyes.

“Yeah, I was. I still am, and I was as well, back...back all those months ago.” He mutters, taking the wine from the waitress, handing you your champagne.

You take a hesitant sip as you wait for him to continue, letting the fizzy bubbles on your tongue distract you from what’s actually going on.

“So I...everything that I’m gonna say may seem insincere but god, Y/N, I swear I’m only speaking the truth. I don’t wanna be that classic fuckboy who pretends to be sorry, not anymore.” He says softly, leaning forward a little, and the edge of your mouth quirks up a little. He grins as well, but it fades as he drums his fingers on the edge of the table, not knowing where to begin.

“First of all, I’m sorry for the morning a few days ago. I just...I was scared, and I didn’t know how to act, and I know that sounds like bullshit but fuck, I get so nervous.” Lance bites his lip, before continuing.

“I didn’t mean anything I ever said to you, especially during our...break up. I promise you that. The thing is I...I never felt good enough for you, Y/N. You’re such a nice, beautiful, caring and intelligent person and with my history, I’ve always felt that I never deserved you.” He gulps, looking down at his lap. “I always had felt that I had never deserved you.”

Your breath hitches in your throat, but you don’t say anything. “And I was scared that the press would come after you once they found out that we were full on dating. They always did that with me, whenever I was seen with a girl, they would drag her right through the mud, even if they didn’t know who she was. And I didn’t want that to happen to you, because I didn’t want to get you hurt.”

“Lance, that wasn’t your decision though. And you could’ve...talked to me, instead of tearing us apart.” You say quietly, and his head shoots up to look at you, eyes shining a little.

“I know, and I realise that now. Instead, I was the biggest dickhead and I hurt you more than the press ever could, because of my own insecurity. And for all of that, I’m sorry, I’m so goddamn sorry.” He plays with the cuff of his shirt, but his eyes are still focused on you, albeit teary 

The two of you fall silent, except for thanking the waitress that brings your food. Your meal is more than delicious, bursts of flavour inside your mouth, but your mind can’t savour the taste like it usually does. It’s so goddamn distracted by what the hell is going on, and whether or not to trust Lance.

Lance sneaks looks at you during the meal, the chatter of the other restaurant patrons surrounding the two of you. He looks nervous, almost scared, as if he’s a skittish kitten that’s afraid of making a wrong move and getting punished.

You ache to reach out and hold his hand again, because fuck, you know that he’s telling the truth, but you don’t know if you can accept it.

“I can...get why you did it, Lance.” You say, once the two of you have finished and paid. He raises an eyebrow, as if he doesn’t get why you’d get it.

“But I...you really hurt me, and I can’t get over that so easily.” You fiddle with the hem of your dress, not wanting to look at him, in case his reaction made you give in.

If you had looked, you probably would’ve. His face falls immediately, teeth digging into his bottom lip in harsh acceptance, nodding slowly.

“I know. I know. But thank you for...for hearing me out.” He mumbles, as you both stand up. Your heart clenches at his despondent voice, but you need time, and you know he understands.

“It’s okay. And...thank you, Lance, for telling me.” You offer him a small smile, before brushing your lips against his cheek lightly. He stiffens under your touch, not expecting it, but you can see his skin flush as you pull away.

You give him a tight nod, trying not to let on any more emotion, as you turn and walk away from him.

The next few days are horrible. You keep thinking back to that night, how much you wish you could go back and actually resolve it all. It may sound cheesy, but he’ll never leave your mind, no matter how hard you try to distract yourself from the situation. Hope’s been telling you how much Lance has been moping around the gym, and it just makes the guilt sink further.

You miss him, and fuck, you want him back. You know that you’ve accepted his apology, but you don’t know if you can wait any longer. You just want to hold him again. It’s almost like torture to you. Trying not to touch him in the past week has taken so much goddamn willpower, and you’re ready to let it go.

Dialling Hope’s number with slightly trembling hands, you hold your phone up to your ear. “Hope? Where’s Lance’s apartment?”

Lance wouldn’t be back from the gym for another hour, but you wanted to get there early, just in case. So here you are, sitting outside of Lance’s apartment for god knows how long already, hands shoved in the pockets of your sweater dress and eyes focused on your lap. You’re trying to figure out what to say, and there are reams of sentences that you could say, but you still don’t know how to talk to h-

“Y/N?” A voice asks softly, breaking you out of your thoughts. You look up, and oh god, it’s Lance. His skin is glowing from the exercise, his hair slicked back a little, and dressed in his classic tracksuit.

You stand up quickly, dusting off your dress, embarrassed. “H-hey.” You stutter out quickly, your coherent thoughts conveniently disappearing from your mind.

The two of you stare at each other for a moment, unable to form anything to say. Finally, you just give in, deciding that actions speak louder than words, right?

He opens his mouth to say something but you’ve wrapped your arms around his body, almost melting into him at the feel of the press of his body against yours again.

You pause when you realise that he’s not hugging you back, and you instantly feel a pang of hurt in your chest as you pull away. You thought that he wanted you back, so why was he-

Warm arms pull you back into his chest, shattering that doubtful train of thought as he cradled you softly but tightly in his embrace, lips pressing to the top of your head. You rest your head on his chest, feeling your bottom lip begin to quiver as he delicately runs his hand through your hair.

“Hey, baby.” He mumbles, pressing you impossibly closer as you relax in his hold.

You bury your face into his t-shirt, hiding the tears that are suddenly building in your eyes. “Hey.” You whisper, voice muffled by the t-shirt. Lance lets out a weak chuckle, shaking his head in disbelief.

“I missed you.” His voice cracks a little as he speaks, and you tilt your head to look at him. His steel blue eyes are brimming with tears as well but despite it, he grins, and you can finally feel like you can smile back.

You wake up with a pair of arms wrapped around your waist, clutching you close as if afraid to let go. You blink, wincing as the light comes into your vision, letting out a soft yawn as your eyes focus on your surroundings.

You’re at Lance’s apartment. The memories of the past afternoon and evening come flooding back to you, and you smile, remembering how Lance treated you to a homemade dinner and then a beautiful bath, finished with holding you as the two of you drifted off to sleep.

“Y/N?” A hoarse voice speaks behind you, and you turn a little to see Lance staring at you, his voice still sleep-heavy.

“Morning.” You say shyly, and his mouth breaks into a wide, albeit tired, smile.

“For the record…” He tilts your chin up with his fingers, “I adore the sound of your voice. I used to want to…call you, even if it was just your voicemail, because god, I missed it.”

You tilt your head, cheeks warming a little. “Really?”

He pulls you flush against his chest, nuzzling into the crook of your neck as you stroke his fluffy hair lightly. “Yeah, really…I thought yesterday was a...a dream.” He murmurs, and you raise an eyebrow. 

“Why?”

He inhales sharply, gazing back at you. “Because sometimes it did happen, in my dreams. But it would always end in me fucking up again.”

You sigh at his remark, shifting a little so you can tap his nose. He wrinkles it and you laugh softly, his face lighting up at the sound of it. “I trust that you won’t fuck up again, and I’ll stay. I promise.”

“I won’t do anything to push you away again, I swear on my heart.” Lance breathes, and you smile as he hugs you closer, kissing your forehead.

The two of you have a lot to clear up, but you know that you’ll handle it together.

permanent tags (possibly closing): @vibranium-arm / @gallifreyansass / @omalleysgirl22 / @girlwith100names / @buckysinthesinbin / @infinitishuri / @buckyofthemyscira / @iamwarrenspeace / @alohabucky / @cuddlysteven / @buckybarnesappreciationsociety / @debbielovesbucky / @metal-armed-dino / @helloitscrowley / @sebastian-stans-thighs / @fantastic-fantasy-fanfics / @lorna-danee / @feelmyroarrrr / @mjuikoli / @megan-atthedisco-blog / @yoyolovesbucky / @sebbies / @carriefish-er / @jurassicbarnes / @ssweet-empowerment / @shieldagentofthemonth / @palaiasaurus64 / @i-love-superhero / @infiniteholland / @ailynalonso15 / @bywonater / @vanillaicecrusher / @titty-teetee / @breezy1415 / @the-geeky-engineer / @mercedesbarnes / @bioticgoddess / @thewonderfulworldofafangirl / @realgreglestrade / @memory-of-a-goldfish / @amynotsantiago / @bandbooktvaddict / @edgyroses / @buckysmaingirl / @thefridgeismybestie / @cumonbucky / @untimelyideasforstories / @ridingmoxley / @jadalecki-jackles / @peters-vlogs / @em--z / @hdthdthdt / @thefridgeismybestie / @jamie-leah / @heyrogers / @ivy-16-18 / @marvlemarvlemarvlemarvle / @nephilimseb / @saveyourbucky / @wonderless-screwup / @rashinyx2002 / @httpmcrvel / @thunderous-flower / @buckys-newarm / @cordysblog / @swanky-batman / @bythebloodofafangirl / @disneymarina / @whyisbuckyso / @katiekitty261 / @plaid-skirt / @stan-by-me / @samwinchxtr / @mypage-myfandoms / @its-daydreamer23 / @goldenkillmonger / @savonid / @ohhhotstan / @softlysgtbarnes / @perksofeatingbacon / @sweet-barnes / @clever-theorist-painter / @thesergeantandstevie / @hewassortapunkroque / @rosescentedblood / @swtltlmrvlgrl / @thisismysecrethappyplace / @sydm15

(strike through means I couldn't tag you, sorry!)

[mikeyd1986]

MIKEY’S PERSONAL BLOG 49, April 2017

Last week, I enrolled myself in a free online Wellbeing course through the MindSpot Clinic. It’s a self-paced course which offers lots of information about ways to deal with anxiety, depression, worries, low mood and stress. I’m currently working through Lesson 2 which focuses on challenging your thoughts. There is also a therapist available who you can contact via the website or over the phone as well as additional resources, online questionnaires and client case stories to help you work through the issues you’re currently dealing with. https://mindspot.org.au/wellbeing-c...

On Tuesday morning, I had my flu vaccine at work. I’ve always hated needles and injections of any kind but today I was trying hard to remain calm and collected about it. It really helped that I had some fellow team members there to distract me. The string of the syringe wasn’t too bad but I was more anxious about the side effects after sitting back down in the tearoom. http://www.immunise.health.gov.au/i...

For the first five or ten minutes, I was fine...until I began sweating and became light headed. “Oh shit! Here we go again.” I thought to myself as the nurse named Sharon escorted me over to the sofa to lie down and elevate my legs on the cushion. She also gave me a glass of water and applied a damp cloth to my forehead. It was actually comforting rather than embarrassing having my workmates ask me if I was feeling okay. I just accepted my negative reaction and after a few minutes, I was feeling much better and the colour was returning in my face.

On Tuesday night, I went to my Body Combat class at YMCA Casey ARC in Narre Warren. Sadly, my usual instructor Cinamon Guerin was away tonight and we had a lady named Paula instead. Paula was still very encouraging and motivating throughout the class saying things like “Well done guys. Keep it up.” and “You’re nearly there.” I actually did pretty well following the movements during the first half of the class, which was mostly jab boxes, upper cuts, high knees and side kicks.

But I have to admit that I was fatiguing pretty hard tonight. The step lunges were really difficult for me and the push-up section absolutely killed me. I was actually beginning to feel nauseous during the Muay Thai track but thankfully didn’t throw up for real. By the time I got to the last Power Combat track, I literally had “nothing left in the tank” as Lisa-Faye from The Biggest Loser: Transformed would say. https://www.lesmills.com/workouts/f...

On Wednesday night, I went down to YMCA Casey ARC to do my Water Workout class. The pool and the carpark were both absolutely packed. I couldn’t believe it. As I arrived fairly early, I decided to spend 10 minutes in the spa to relax and loosen the tension in my muscles before the class started. It was a really big class with 22 people participating. A lady named Wendy was the instructor and naturally she made the workout very fun and entertaining.

It was a struggle to keep up with some of the movements, especially ones involving co-ordination but every had a laugh about it. Wendy really mixed things up with exercises including tuck jumps, donkey kicks, rock n’ roll, jogging, rolly polly, side and front kicks, baby crawl and underwater scooping. http://www.caseyarc.ymca.org.au/par...

On Thursday morning, I had an appointment with my support worker Ally at The Coffee Club - Fountain Gate. It was a really long session as we were chatting on for about an hour and a half. I discussed my recent financial issues and my plan to get things back on track. My work related stress and anxiety, how my triggers affect me and finding better ways to cope. I’m trying to use mindfulness techniques to stay focused in the moment and remind myself that I’m doing the best that I can. I also can’t control other people or the situations around me. https://www.dss.gov.au/our-responsi...

On Thursday night, I went to my Bring It On yoga class at Now, Yoga. in Narre Warren South. I haven’t been to the studio in over 3 weeks since the members night due to financial difficulties. I’ve spent the last week or so trying to let go of all the negative emotions I’ve had about it...shame, guilt, anger, embarrassment, hopelessness. None of these things are truly helpful when it comes to taking back control of my spending habits and getting on top of my debt. It took a lot of courage to share my truth with Keren Gurrieri but I’m glad I did it. Being broke doesn’t make me a bad person or even an unworthy person. It’s a temporary state and in a couple of months, I’ll be in a better position and feeling much lighter.

Tonight’s class was fairly challenging in that it involved lots of strengthening poses through the legs, shoulders and arms. We did a sequence of poses with our heels into the wall including Downward Facing Dog, Plank, Chaturanga, Cobra, Three Legged Dog and Knee to Nose. We also did some Warrior poses including Warrior 1, Twisting Warrior, Forward Fold and Warrior 3. We finished the class by doing some L-shaped handstands into the wall. I wasn’t really feeling comfortable doing them as I was dripping in sweat and a little fatigued so I chose to simply do Downward Facing Dog pose into the wall. http://nowyoga.net.au/

On Friday night, my family and I drove down to the Nepean Country Club in Rye to spend a few nights relaxing and unwinding. Sadly, I wasn’t in the best mental state and hence was feeling very indifferent, unmotivated, depressed and socially disconnected. The main cause was my bad addiction to social media. Every time I’d see a post, check-in, photo or video from one of my friends, I’d instantly feel jealous and inadequate. I’d ask myself “Am I not good enough to be invited?” or “I wish I had a great social life like them”.

It was really getting me down and so I had to force myself to switch my phone off and limit my use of Facebook and Instagram. It’s like my boredom and loneliness consumes me and I have this obsessive-compulsive need to check my notifications every 5 minutes. It was really destroying my life and having a huge negative affect on my mental health. Thankfully, there was plenty of activities at the resort we were staying at to keep my mind active.

We are staying in one of the two-storey villas which contains two bedrooms, two bathrooms, a kitchen, living and dining areas and a balcony. There’s also plenty of facilities at the resort including a tennis court, squash court, bowling green, golf course, swimming pool, sauna, gym, games room and a day spa. http://nepeancountryclub.com.au/

On Saturday, my parents and I went for a brief walk around the resort before driving down to Arthurs Seat, Victoria for the afternoon. We rode on the new Eagle Skylift which replaced the old Chairlifts last year. I’m really nervous when it comes to heights and so I was clinging to my seat as our Skylift started to ascend. Thankfully, it was moving at a glacial speed and eventually I was able to relax and enjoy the views surrounding the Arthurs Seat area. https://aseagle.com.au/

Later that night, we went down to the Nepean Chinese Restaurant for dinner. Sadly, it wasn’t a traditional Chinese restaurant at all and the overall interior was very plain and modern with only a handful of Asian-inspired decorations adorning the walls. The food on the other hand was delicious. We ordered a banquet between the three of us which included chicken soup, spring rolls, curry puffs, prawn crackers, special fried rice, lemon chicken, steamed vegetables, a banana fritter with ice cream and a pot of Chinese jasmine tea. http://nepeancountryclub.com.au/nep...

“Join our group and you will find harmony and peace of mind. Make you better. We’re here to welcome you. We’re all on a journey to finding the real inner you. Make you better. We’re here to welcome you. Happiness. How did you get to be happiness. How did you get to find love, real love.” Goldfrapp - Happiness (2008)

“Some people don’t get much. Some people feel they’re in touch with spirit worlds, talking to you know...You know it. You owe it to yourself. You won’t let it make you mad, it’s already crazy.” Goldfrapp - Some People (2008)