#i could write five more paragraphs in the tags but i'll spare myself the typing when it all amounts to the same thing:

[andhumanslovedstories]

I am so absolutely infuriated and frustrated by the process of actually getting my disability payments. I had no problem getting approved to not work, but god fuckin forbid I get the money I'm supposed to get so I don't need to work. I have savings, I have a steady home, I have a safety net, I have so many things that are making this unpaid time possible how the fuck is anyone supposed to do this. I'm burning through my money and also burning through my good will with my workplace and how it has decided to handle this. My workplace completely handed the process over to the state, and the state is so overwhelmed with applications they don't even take phone calls on Mondays so they can work on the backlog. Literally, my workplace was like, "your letter from the state says you'll get the full payment for disability so we aren't going to cover any of it," and I'm like, "did you see the part of the letter that explicitly says that I'm not yet approved for benefits and thus are not receiving them," and my workplace is like " :) don't message back "

I'm probably (HOPEFULLY) going to get a big lump sum in like August which does me absolutely no good now. I'm so frustrated. I'm mad because I'm not at my best--hence the disability benefits I'm trying to access--and the whole process has been so opaque and complicated at every step with every person involved telling me that this isn't their job, go speak to someone else. And I'm SO MAD for everyone else who goes through this. The process sucks. I feel like the people I'm talking to are treating this like I'm trying to return an amazon purchase. Everyone is polite and no one is helping. My insomnia is so bad I can barely even nap, it's so hot, I have to coordinate my stupid treatment stuff as well so I can, yknow, get better, my cat won't stop biting my face anytime I try to sleep, my psych wants to change my meds AGAIN, and if I have to hear hold music one more goddamn time I'll do absolutely nothing because what choice do I have.