#i cant think of any particular stressor that may have caused this? but its hard to know without knowing how long it's been like this

[hauntedselves]

I am freaking out. Everybody is gone. It’s just us host parts here.

Not dormancy; it's like everyone's been relocated. I can't reach anyone and I don't know where they are. The area of headspace I can see into (I can't seem to leave the forest but I can see the house, nowhere else) is just... empty. Like no one’s been there for years.

It used to be the house that was the access point and now it’s the forest, which aligns with the host change. But the host change was in October last year and I don’t know if there’s been no other parts since then… since October seems like a long time to have no parts activity at all but I genuinely can’t remember. I mean we had the introject split last week but what if I was just projecting my BPD/whatever fixation and xe doesn’t actually exist?

It’s just so quiet. There’s only us, the DLPs. I reach back and I cannot feel anyone. Usually there’d be at least someone nearby, especially one of the easily reachable parts. I tried to reach back to a part that I’m particularly close to and I got a sense of, he was trying to reach me back but there was some incredibly powerful force stopping him. Like we were on opposite sides of an impenetrable wall.

Not sure what to do. Do I email my psych? And if so, do I mark it as urgent? Does this count as a crisis? Therapy is only 6 days away but that’s so long…

I guess. If it really has been since October. Then it can wait another 6 days. And if it’s been like this since after the introject split (if xe exists – how can I verify when I can’t contact anyone??), then that was a week ago and it can wait another week. At the very least, I’ll leave it tonight and see how I feel about it tomorrow.