#i can't wait for people to make Sexy Cazador mods where he's a smooth-faced anime character

[gunpowdercarousel]

You just KNOW that if Cazador was even remotely hot you would never see the end of people shipping him with Astarion. Ao3 would be awash with hundreds upon hundreds of Astarion/Cazador fics, there would be thirsty fanart of them together on your feed 24/7, people would be losing their goddamn minds over how wrong and fucked upbutalsokindahot they are together.

He would be on the level of Orin or Gortash or Raphael.

But no.

Larian were just like 'lol lets make him lame as fuck'. And I TRULY appreciate that. I thought I was in for Castlevania Dracula levels of sexiness, but he's just a... guy. Like he's just so thoroughly unremarkable it's amazing.

I don't know if it was all deliberate or not but I love it. They hype him up SO MUCH you can't even imagine the dark edgy vampire sex god you're going to encounter and then when I first saw him in game I was literally like "man who's that dork where's-CAZADOR SZARR?!"

I see no fanart of him. I see no fics of him.

He is anticlimax personified.

It's perfect. He's not cool. Abusers aren't cool. He's just a loser with an astronomical amount of power and the people he's hurt are helpless to stand up to him. He doesn't really NEED to be anything else.