#i can't visit my fiance and even if i don't have covid apparently i can't visit him until the 27th due to RA stuff

[qasian-tech-support]

I am so unbelievably stressed out rn

[mooncakesnake]

2020 Vision

Wow. This year -- well, technically, we're not even halfway through it, but -- it's been wild. Super surreal in my personal life and worldwide current events.

A breakdown thus far...

Start the year off with #WWIII trending, everyone worrying that the U.S. will be going to war with Iran.

All this, while Australia is on fire. Politicians and billionaires do next to nothing, but a sex worker admirably raises funds by selling nudes.

Couple weeks into January, I get a message from my former close friend, who had cheated with my ex. A little backstory: she and I met through my then-boyfriend, because she was the girlfriend of his friend. We all worked together and were buddies. She and my ex cheated with each other, leading to the implosion of all relationships involved. For years after the respective splits, even after she and my ex broke up, she continued harassing me and her former boyfriend (my friend), spread rumours amongst our mutuals, told people I made up the abuse I went through at the hands of my ex, and created all kinds of drama. Anyway, she hits me up to apologize for everything, takes full responsibility for her actions, admitted that my ex was also abusive/controlling toward her and she was sorry for diminishing my experience. Having the validation and hearing her take accountability was actually really cathartic. Finally, I got to say my piece and let go of the anger I had harboured toward her (not for the cheating, as that initiated my escape, but for her cruel behaviour afterward). I never would've imagined we'd be on decent terms with one another, again.

In February, a couple of my fiance's family members really showed themselves for how selfish they could be and how low they could go. I won't delve too far into details, but it has forever affected the way we both view them and we will steer clear of them, as much as possible.

The biggest hit of the year happened in March... COVID-19. I'm high-risk, due to permanent lung damage I suffered from an illness in my late teens. I'm extremely susceptible to even the slightest cold turning into bronchitis and then pneumonia. So, life has changed a bit. I mean, we primarily stayed home the vast majority of the time. We both work from home and are not social people. It has affected our ability to grocery shop, though. We've been using a grocery delivery service. It's an added expense I didn't anticipate, but I can't risk exposure and Starling can't, because it would absolutely spread to me. It's been impossible to stick to eating keto, due to the meat package restrictions they have in place. I'm worried about how people are pushing to open back up. I don't know how I fit into the world anymore. I am afraid. I am afraid of the medical cost associated with catching this. I'm afraid of dying.

During the start of the pandemic, I went through a health scare. I've had a herniated disc, since October of last year. I work from home, sitting at a desk for hours on end, so it never had a chance to heal. Well, that progressed into sciatica and I'd been dealing with the nerve pain for a while. We had a trip to visit my parents, which is a 5 hour round-trip drive. From that trip, due to the prolonged sitting, my back was destroyed. I could barely walk or move in general. It was excruciating. I was making my way to the bathroom sink, when the pain overwhelmed me. I overheated, felt like I was going to vomit, the room was spinning, my eyes rolled back in my head, and my legs went out completely. I fell like a sack of bricks to the tile floor. Hard. I couldn't move my legs or open my eyes. Roman had to come help me. I was terrified that I had caused irreversible damage and might end up paralyzed. Apparently, that is a risk associated with prolonged disc and nerve damage. Unfortunately, I couldn't go to the hospital, because I couldn't risk getting the Coronavirus. We just waited it out and I went on bed-rest for a few days, taking off work and  hoping it would resolve itself. While I do still have the nerve pain and my disc is not healed, I can walk and get around pretty normally.

Since then, April has been a whirlwind of people losing their minds about being cooped up, imbeciles protesting lockdown by parading about with assault rifles to show their displeasure with the governor, family members not taking the risks seriously and acting like I'm ridiculous for wanting to protect myself.

It's May, and now we have murder hornets, so it's a lot going on.

I wonder what the second half of 2020 holds.