#i can't understand how netflix buys season upon seasons of this shitshow and cancels One Day At A Time

[parsleybabe]

Home Made Simple - S01E04 - the biggest WTF yet

OMG, you guys, “masculine purple” Deco Lady is back!!!!! This one is gonna be good, I can already feel it. She also brought along the Tool Lady from episode one, and, of course, Host Lady and Chef Guy.

Today’s family is a mom, a dad, and their three kids (two boys, the oldest and youngest, and a girl, the middle child). They want to give the kids two new rooms, because so far they’re sharing one room that’s getting too small for all three of them. They actually seem to be a really sweet family, the parents are clearly hard working and the kids are very well mannered and sweet too.

If un-glorifying military-patriotism triggers you, please don’t click on the read more.

 So, here are my personal highlights of this episode:

 The mom is a full time student, the Dad is a police officer and also a soldier. Throughout the whole episode, his military service is a huuuuuuge talking point. I don’t know if this is the case, but I would bet that this episode aired on Veteran’s Day. It’s a very typically patriotic, very American episode, to say the least. People from anywhere else in the world, even military people, probably can’t relate to any of this. I definitely can’t.  (I just checked after finishing the whole episode, and, yes, s01e04 aired on November 13th 2011, two days after Veterans Day, surprise surprise) 

So, the gist is, the renovators want to help the family and make them feel comfortable before the dad is deployed to Afghanistan. Now, again, I’m not American and fail to understand how ANY sort of home renovation is going to make the family feel better about the dad being deployed for a third time for 1-2 years. There is no connection. Except maybe that the dad’s gonna feel better, knowing that the kids’ room situation is solved. But, for the family… Nope.

Okay, so Host Lady explains, the little girl is getting her own room, and the dad is “sacrificing” his “man den family room” for that. Aren’t “man den” and “family room” mutually exclusive? I’m confused. But I’m super happy that the gender bias found its way back in. Yaaay. Because when nobody in the whole family has their own personal room except for the dad who isn’t actually there for most of the time anyway, then giving that room up is a huge sacrifice, obviously.

The mom explains that the kids deserve more space and the parents want to display their accolades a bit more, but don’t have room to do that in the small room they are currently sharing. She talks about all three kids, but Host Lady chimes in that the youngest boy is “going to become a little man” much like the older brother who is now in middle school, and they get to move to the end of the hall, i.e. have a lot more freedom. She then adds, while grinning at the dad, that the little girl is “getting the eagle watch”, and that “he’s keeping an eye on her”. They laugh about it and the dad explains, he wants her to be more in the rear of the house, which I personally feel translates to making her feel safer and more protected despite her being alone in a room now, but Host Lady obviously takes it to mean that girls and boys get different treatment. She even stresses this more a bit later, when she explains that the girl’s room will be “closer to her mom and dad” and she will be”under the watchful eye of her father.” Now, sorry, but wtf? First of all, why not the watchful eye of BOTH her parents? And, secondly, hadn’t we already established that the dad is gonna be away in Afghanistan soon for a very long time?

When Host Lady tells the renovator gang that the girl is getting her own room, Deco Lady instantly goes, “She’s daddy’s little princess! She needs her own princess room” and didn’t I call it? Masculine purple always delivers. Doesn’t matter that the family hasn’t once mentioned anything about princesses at all. They said that she likes butterflies, and that’s it. But, okay. This instantly turns into a “butterfly princess room”.

As for the boys, there’s gonna be extra attention payed to their studies. They’re gonna get some work space and Host Lady points out how smart they are. Which is fine and all, commendable actually, just not when put as a contrast to the girl. WTF? It’s even sadder when they later show that the girl ALSO has several academic achievements, even a certificate of being “student of the year” to be put up on the wall, they just didn’t feel like mentioning it about her before. (But they do later, thankfully, although, only while talking about “the kids”, the only reason the viewers know it’s hers is because they hang the certificate in the girl’s room)

Chef guy comes in to show the mom “easy recipes that she can make in one day and have on reserve for the rest of the week.” I’m not really sure why he needs to show her that. Being a student, mom of three, and basically “single” most of the time - I’m sure she already got those down to a T.

They’re cleaning out the man den room and we’re getting a Swiffer Sweeper cameo. Ha! Can’t forget the product placement after all.

And then the kids come in. Host Lady immediately puts her hands on the girls head and gives me the creeps. The kid looks quite confused as well. Host Lady also carries around the youngest boy and talks about wanting to “put him in my pocket and carry him around with me all day.” Yikes. When we see her talk to him, he doesn’t answer just slowly backs away from her. OMG, why do they let her do that??? And when they all march out of the room, they do it military style, singing “Left. Left. Left, right left.” This is so massively creepy from any non-American standpoint. They are kids ffs.

Okay, now we got Deco Lady and the parents sitting at a table talking about what to do with the lamp in the girl’s room. And then mom and dad are left alone to craft butterflies to turn it into a “butterfly chandelier”. Which is cool, and they’re working together as they should. Except then we see Host Lady who exclaims cheerfully that the dad “would do ANYTHING for his little girl, even cutting out little tiny butterflies.” I don’t see any reason why that needs to be brought up. It’s not a major achievement for a father to do something for their kid. It’s not an achievement for a man to be crafting butterflies. It’s certainly not necessary to point this out so excitedly while not mentioning the mom at all who is doing exactly the same work. I’m kinda speechless at this point tbh.

Ohhh, now we’re back on discussing colors. So the boys love blue and green. And that’s immediately accepted by everybody, especially Deco Lady. No arguments over having to find a masculine color this time. I’m not saying it’s gender bias. Except it totally is.

In the man den there used to be a shelf containing the dad’s military memorabilia and honors. Host Lady is in awe when she sees it, and the renovators want to do something with this, even though the episode is supposed to be about the kids’ rooms. So, as a little side project, Deco Lady finds the most prominent spot in the whole house, the one where everybody always walks past and where your eyes fall on immediately when entering the house. She wants to put the military honor items there to display like in a museum and calls it a “pride wall” and “what this family is all about”.  And… I don’t know. My issue with this is: Firstly, all those items are the dad’s and have nothing much to do with the family, except that they’re a reminder of how often the dad is away. Secondly, the items are more about the country than they are about the dad as a person. Which, again, massive patriotism, just seems incredibly wrong for anybody who is not American, because the whole world is aware that patriotism so easily shifts into extremism. And shit like that creeps us the fuck out. And, thirdly, they want to do this as a surprise and won’t tell the dad about it. Which, okay, I get it, but again, this is sensitive stuff, and it feels like they should have asked if it’s okay to display it at all, because the people who will see this the most are the mom and the kids.

Oooh, they bring in Chef Guy to meet the mom and do so in front of an opened cabinet of brand name cleaning products. Perfect, he’s gonna feel right at home. Anyway, he’s gonna teach her to do a chicken casserole, because you cook it once and have enough left over for the whole week. Because, apparently, eating the same stuff again and again all week is a dream come true. In order to cook this, he buys a ready-made rotisserie chicken and shows the mom how to tear it apart and is surprised that she’s “a pro at this” even though she JUST told him seconds ago, that she always does the cooking for the whole family. They put chicken meat (the don’t use the skin, the beautiful crispy flavorful skin, I’m gonna cry), pasta, leek and breadcrumbs into the casserole. I have no idea why it’s gotta be bland on bland on bland on bland, and why Chef Guy has to explain this woman how to cook chicken in the first place. He doesn’t even season anything, ffs.

OMG, now he’s showing her “how to present this”, and basically pulls out a piece of the casserole and drops it in a freaking bowl. It’s not a joke, he really does. He calls it a “homemade masterpiece” but it looks like an ACCIDENT. He does sprinkle parsley on top, which is the only credit I give the guy for this whole episode.

Deco Lady is back and wants plastic flowers glued to a ready-bought lampshade, since “princesses love flowers”. Yes, plastic glued to store bought lamp. Again with the non-inventiveness… And the person who gets to do this is the dad so she adds with a wink, “You can thank me later, for giving you another really masculine project.” I think I’m gonna change her name to Gender Bias Lady officially now. Because she’s clearly in a league of her own. They do craft together and the dad pretends for a second that the glue gun is a real gun and puts it in his pretend holster (he is both a policeman and soldier, after all). To which Gender Bias Lady says, “You gotta turn it into a man thing, dontcha?” He is about as speechless as I am, because we all know that SHE started it, but she just says, “Okay, whatever gets you through the project.”

They do talk about the kids and how well they’re doing in school and socially and Gender Bias Lady states how that’s gotta make the dad proud, and he flat out tips his hat to the mom, because “she stays. She’s on them.” He also mentions how she used to work and go to school at the same time while being a mom and still doing it all and being awesome. And, I can’t believe that he is genuinely the only person on the whole episode who actually points to that. Gender Bias Lady replies solely with, “When do you leave?” and asks him how he got used to it and how hard it’s got to be and how he decided to join the military and how the family is so proud of him. I mean, yeah, sure, but she just nixed the mom completely as if she wasn’t important enough to mention. WTF?

Next comes the best recap ever: Host Lady explains how the dad “is the rock of the family” and how they “wanted to give his family something that would honor him”, so they’re showing the mom (who has been cooking all her life) “how to cook some simple recipes she can make on her own” – I’m not even going to declutter that load of bullshit.

Now Chef Guy is showing the mom how to make puff pastry pockets. Again, a recipe that “you cook on Sunday and then eat for the rest of the week”. 🤢 He lets the mom “season” the filling with salt and pepper to give it “a little flavour”. Again, no fucking spices whatsoever. How is this even a chef? (It’s also sadly cliché, because Chef Guy is a white dude and the mom is black). Anyway, he says they need to clean up and I’m all prepared for the product placement, but it doesn’t come. I’m shocked.

Next focus is on the girl’s room. They take curtain rods from the previous “den, the man room, the man cave” as Gender Bias Lady points out and spray paint them silver. They pretend it’s difficult (fun fact: it’s not). Also, the daughter gets a canopy over her bed which will be pink. They staple the curtain into the wooden frame, making me wonder how they are ever going to be able to take it down to wash it, but… maybe princesses are so clean that they don’t need their fabrics washed?

Tool Lady and the mom are working on the military shrine. Tool Lady is the only person to ask the mom if she’s afraid when the dad’s away in Afghanistan. And she admits she is, but instantly goes on to point out that he’ll be safe, because he’s careful. Sadly, that’s not how war works.

Gender Bias Lady and the dad are working on the girl’s dresser by repainting the existing furniture “a beautiful lavender” (hey, purple’s not a problem if you put it into a girl’s room, riiiiight?) and are decorating the edges with nailheads to make it look more cute or whatever.

They’re now hanging up the butterfly chandelier. It’s basically a normal lamp, and they put butterflies on strings around it. It’s supposed to look magical and cute, but it actually looks a bit like the butterflies are exploding out of the lamp… think horror movie insect infestation.

Okay, final touches, Host Lady and Gender Bias Lady are in the girl’s room and are decorating it with pink clothing items and fashion accessories. “It should look like she was playing dress up!” Gender Bias Lady chimes. Because clearly, while the boys’ room has a racing and basketball theme (yay sports!), what would be better for the girl’s room than a fashion theme? That woman really lives up to her newly given name.

Oooh, and then Host Lady plugs in some Febreze Noticeables to “get it smellin’ like a little girl’s room in here!” And Gender Bias Lady replies with, “’Cause it’s been boys, boys, boys, boys!” Do little boys smell different than girls? They probably do after a while of not washing the canopy curtains, I guess.

Montage time: the girl room is all pink, purple, silver, gold and sparkly. There’s also frills and arabesques and ballerina statues. There’s a bed and a dresser and a big mirror and a lounge chair. It looks nice, but a bit too overly pink, if you ask me. Also, there’s no desk for the student of the year. Nope. But okay. The boys’ room is blue and green an there’s a freaking sea horse on one of the beds (and I am freaking jealous, I want one too!). All in all, the boys’ room is a lot more colorful, there are red, orange and yellow specks of color added in everywhere, despite the overall blue-green theme. There’s also a teddy bear, a stuffed dog, a drum set, a basekt ball wall, books, games, colors to paint with and two desks to do homework on… It looks like a kid’s room that I would have loved to have as a little girl.

They show the kids their rooms, the girl room first. And while the little girl is mostly excited to “have my own room now”, Host Lady turns to the boys and asks, “I bet you’re bored of pink aren’t you?” Wow, aren’t we all… The boys’ room is very well received all around, and when they leave it to have a look at the military wall, they have to call the girl to follow, because she seems most excited about the boys’ room. Well. Tough luck.

Before talking about everybody’s reaction to the military wall, I wanna talk about what happens at the end of the episode as a big surprise: The “family” receives a video message from John Travolta. I put the word family in quotation marks, because Travolta actually addresses the dad only, and talks about how the family’s getting renovations so HE can enjoy it once he comes back from deployment. And then the dad gets a signed autograph from Travolta too. You might be wondering how Travolta fits in there, but it’s actually a no brainer, because I just found out that the show used to air on OWN (the Oprah Winfrey Network), and Scientology has been trying for decades now to convert Oprah by giving her exclusives and special treatment and whatnot. Anyway, it’s all about the kids’ rooms, which is why the dad gets a note from Travolta. Makes sense, right?

Anyway, back to the Military wall. When the dad gets to see it, he calls it a “shrine” (creepy to any non-Americans, but accurate). And, to be fair, he does say he likes it, but he also states that it makes him think of every time he went to Afghanistan and that he’s going to think of his fallen brothers when he walks past it and that it makes him think of going back there again. Which leads to the whole family getting teary eyed in front of the wall. Very clever thing to put right in the center of the house. And then Host Lady starts glorifying military service and points out how “sacrificing so much for all the right reasons” is such a great thing and that the renovators hope the family will keep going and be hopeful. The mom then even says that now the kids can come stand in front of the wall whenever they miss their dad while he’s away on deployment. There isn’t a single picture of the dad on that wall btw. Just medals and flags and certificates (and, at the end of the episode, also the Travolta autograph.).

I don’t wanna step on anybody’s toes here, but does nobody see how sad and impersonal and wrongly-focused this is????? I don’t  even blame the show for doing this, because this shit is ALL OVER any sort of American media. You get this in every movie, on every TV show – drama or documentary -, every news station regardless of political point of view. This is everywhere. The US media is filled with extreme patriotism that glorifies soldiers into heroes so you forget that first and foremost they’re people.

Sorry to end this on such a depressing note, but… I just can NOT for the life of me understand how so many people have been brainwashed into thinking this is normal or this is right. But, hey, happy renovated home y’all!