#i can't tell if this is socks or ella

[syndesinae]

what is actually wrong with you

oppositional-defiance flavored attention deficit hyperactivity disorder, dissociative identity disorder, pathological demand avoidance autism profile, narcissistic personality disorder, obsessive compulsive disorder,

[wileys-russo]

mary earps, out shopping, “remind me why i agreed to have those two idiots as my other children?” (lessi and tooney)

part of the a date to remember universe m.earps II we don't know them

"do they really have to come?" mary groaned as she pulled up out front, sighing heavily as you nodded. "we've been away for nearly two weeks. they probably missed you!" you teased pinching her cheek as she mocked you under her breath.

"i missed aunty lessi and aunty tooney!" delilah piped up from the back, swinging her legs with a cheshire like grin plastered on her face. "so did I tiny. mama did too, she just thinks she's too cool to admit it." you patted your wifes shoulder who rolled her eyes.

"did you tell them we're here? we're going to be late!" mary checked her watch with a huff as you quirked an eye in amusement. "can't be late to do the shopping mama." delilah beat you to it with a giggle as you looked back proudly.

"watch it kid or you'll lose your trolley privileges." mary warned fixing your daughter with a look through the rear view mirror. "so dramatic mary!" delilah parroted your own words from this morning as you slapped a hand over your mouth to stifle your laughter.

though before the goalkeeper could say anything back there was knocks at her window and she jumped a half foot in the air, scowling at the smirking brunette who winked and climbed into the car.

"where's alessia? for god sakes!" mary groaned head thumping back against her headrest. "for god sakes!" delilah mocked doing the same thing as her head thumped against the back of her car seat and she only giggled as mary shot her a dirty look.

"we're still in the parrot phase." you explained to ella who nodded in understanding, a flash of blonde hair hurrying down the driveway and diving into the car. "sorry! couldn't find my other sock." alessia huffed wrestling on her shoe as mary rolled her eyes.

"see? i told you we could go away for two years and these idiots wouldn't change." mary mumbled under her breath as you squeezed her knee, the taller girl huffing and leaning across to kiss your cheek in a silent apology starting the car back up.

with the other two in the car now the time flew past as delilah caught them up on the adventures of your last two weeks away in mallorca on holiday, both girls listening attentively with oo's of wonder.

"hello children." you finally greeted them both with a hug and a smile as you arrived to the grocery store, jumping out of the car as mary ignored them both and unclipped delilah.

"whats up marys ass this mornin? she got blue balls or somethin?" ella whispered with a wink as alessia shoved her with a dissaproving shake of her head. "something like that." you chuckled, marys plans of a romantic night together now you weren't sharing a room with your daughter ruined by the daughter in question refusing to sleep in her own bed and you not making her.

"we can stop the co-sleeping tomorrow. come on baby, family cuddles!" you denied marys request to remove delilah who was already fast asleep curled into your side, your wife sighing heavily but knowing this wasn't something worth arguing.

but a restless night with little feet kicking into her ribs every ten minutes or a tiny hand smacking her cheek and wriggling around meant it was one without much sleep, meaning a very grumpy mary this morning.

"mary. baby come on, your nose is so long its almost hitting the ground." you poked at your wifes side as alessia and ella hurried off ahead, swinging delilah between them.

"only things on the list!" mary called warning the trio as alessia gave a thumbs up, handing the piece of paper to your daughter who was now happily sat in a trolley, the three of them disappearing into the aisles.

"come on earps, give us a smile." you jostled your wife as she grabbed a trolley for your own list. "not in the mood." the goalkeeper warned but made no move to let go as you slipped your hand into hers.

"well, maybe later you can get in the mood." you smiled suggestively, the taller girl looking down at you with a frown. "i didn't invite ella and less just for a catch up. if we buy them lunch and butter them up a little, i'm sure they'd love to take delilah for a sleepover tonight." you quirked an eyebrow, grinning as mary's face lit up.

"my god woman, you're a genius." mary grabbed your face, kissing all over it as you laughed. "yeah yeah tell me something i don't know. i'm offended you seem so surprised!" you poked her accusingly before starting off toward the fruit and vegetables, having given delilah all the 'fun' food knowing she'd whinge about the healthier things.

"mary!" you hissed as her hand caught your ass, your complaints swallowed by the kiss she stole with a charming smile. "it slipped." she winked, reaching over your head to grab a punnet of strawberries.

you were both almost done with your part of the list when you heard a horrendously loud crash the aisle over and winced, sharing a knowing look.

"please tell me that isn't ours." you mumbled, the pair of you slowly heading toward the source of the noise. "i can tell you but you can't get mad at me for lying." mary sighed at the sight which met you, a bright red alessia apologizing profusely to a store employee as ella wiped off delilah who was coated in flower, her own body caked with white as well.

you met alessia's eyes over the employee's shoulder, feeling mary slip her hand back into yours.

"remind me why i agreed to have those two idiots as my other children? "pretend we don't know them?" "darling you read my mind."

"oi you two get back here!"

[woso-dreamzzz]

Copy

Alessia Russo x Child!Reader

Summary: You want to be like your sister

It was obvious to just about everybody that you were the happy little accident of the family. Your brothers and sister were so much older than you, with jobs of their own while you were just starting school.

No one liked to call you a mistake though it was certainly the word that went through everyone's mind when they saw you and Alessia standing next to each other.

It was the word that everyone in the England team was thinking of the moment Alessia showed up to camp with you by her side. You were settled easily on her hip as you aimlessly sucked your thumb, no matter how many times your sister pulled it from your mouth.

It wasn't exactly the plan that you would come with Lessi to camp but Mummy and Daddy had to go away and Luca and Gio were too busy to look after you so Lessi was the last choice.

Lessi's your absolute favourite. Mummy and Daddy say it's mean to have favourites but you don't really care. Gio and Luca can stick together because they're boys and you'll stay with Lessie because you're girls.

You want to be like Lessi when you're older and you want to do everything she does.

You didn't use to see Lessi a lot when she played for United but she plays for Arsenal now so you see her a bit more regularly. Lessi's your biggest idol and she doesn't smell bad like your brothers do so you like to be with her all the time.

"Alright," She says, smoothing down your hair," Do we want laces or velcro?"

You look at the two shoe options she's showing to you. You look between them, biting at your lip as you swing your feet back and forth.

"What're you wearin'?"

"Well, I've got laces."

"I want laces!"

Lessi laughs. "Of course you do." She slips the shoes onto your feet and double knots your laces because you're still a bit too little to do them by yourself. You're learning though because Lessi can tie her laces by herself so you're going to learn too.

Alessia's big and tall as she leads you by the hand down to the gym. You want to be big and tall like Lessi too someday and you lean easily into her side as you walk.

"Well, looks like the smallest member of the squad has arrived." Ella's the one speaking and you wave at her. Ella's Alessia's adult best friend so you need to be nice to her. You're Lessi's proper best friend though because she tells you that all the time but you still have to be nice to Ella because Lessi will get sad if you don't.

So, you smile and wave at Ella as Lessi sets you up at the machine she's about to use. It looks very big and complicated but Alessia knows what she's doing because she loads some weights onto it and starts pulling on a rope thing to lift it up and down.

You circle the machine suspiciously, looking at all angles as Lessi takes big, deep breaths as she pulls, releases and then pulls again.

You kind of want to try and you reach your hand up to grab onto it too.

Alessia smiles fondly at you but removes your hand. "Sorry, tesoro. You can't help me."

You frown at that. "Why?"

"Because I have to do this by myself."

"Why?"

"So I can get stronger."

"I can get stronger like you too!"

Alessia's still smiling at you. "You're only little, tesoro. Maybe when you're older."

You don't like that answer. If you wait too long then maybe Alessia won't like you anymore. You don't want her to not like you.

Your bottom lip wobbles and she sighs.

"Hey," She says," How about this? I left my bottle over there by Mary. It's pretty heavy and I need a strong girl to go and grab it for me."

You turn to look where she's pointing. It's one of those big bottles that holds a gallon or something and it's sitting on the floor by where Mary's working out.

"I'm a strong girl," You say and Lessi laughs.

"I know you are. Can you go and grab it for me?"

You nod. You make to run off to grab it before you backtrack so you can give Lessi a hug and a kiss.

You weave your way through the gym before scaring the socks off Mary when you suddenly just appear and start dragging Lessi's water bottle away with you.

"Jesus," She says, placing a hand on her chest," You need to stop popping up like that. You scared the hell out of me."

"Sorry," You say, straining as you drag the bottle with you.

"Do you need some help?"

"No!" You say quickly, puffing out your chest," I'm a strong girl like Lessi. I can do it myself."

"Alright then," Mary says," Off you go then."

You kind of think this is like what Lessi's doing on the machine. She's pulling on something with weight and now you're pulling on something with weight.

So, technically, you are copying Lessi. You like that. You're too little to use the machine but you're not too little to copy the exercises Lessie does.

She's beaming as you come back, dragging the bottle the whole length of the gym towards her. She rewards you with a kiss on the head and half a chocolate bar.

You get tired pretty quickly when Lessi sends you off to do other things that mimics what she's doing on the machines. You wish you were big enough like Lessi to use them but you think doing these little errands makes up for it.

It gets you very tired though and suddenly you can't copy Lessi anymore. You wish you could but you're very tired out so you just kind of sit down with her as she finally goes through some stretches.

You crawl between her legs and rest you head against her shoulder.

Lessi's hands come up to adjust you so you're settled nicely in her lap as she chatters away to Maya and Ella. She's managed to keep stretching around you and you just let yourself sag against.

"I think someone needs a nap," Maya says pointedly and, even though you're exhausted, you still hear her perfectly.

"No," You grumble to Lessi," No nap."

"I think it would help," Lessi says.

You shake your head. "No. Are you nappin'?"

"No."

"Then I'm not nappin'."

Lessi laughs at that before getting to her feet.

You whine when she pulls away from you, stumbling to crowd into her space again.

"Hey," She says," It's alright. I'm just stretching my legs a little."

"Stretching too," You reply softly even though you're swaying a little bit because you're sleepy.

"Come on." Lessie leans down to pick you up and you go limp in her arms. "How about that nap now?"

You shake your head and take a firm grip of her shirt. "Nap if you nap."

"Well," She says," I guess we can nap together today."

[youunravelme]

to all the girls you've loved before part 5

author's note: this might be the softest part out of all of them? sorry for the wait, i hope the fluff makes up for it. :)

pairing: single dad!mat barzal x reader

summary: being a nanny for rich people was probably the worst thing that ever happened to you, until you started working for mat.

warnings: children, rich people, very volatile/toxic relationship

day forty-four

"does this look okay?" mat popped his head in your room where you were sitting on your bed with a book in your lap.

"you look like you normally do."

he ran a hand down his face. "i mean, is it appropriate to wear to a doctor's appointment?"

oh shit.

you forgot.

you jumped off the bed and ran into the walk in closet.

"did you forget?" mat teased. any sign of insecurity at his outfit choice disappeared when you sprinted into the closet.

"would you believe me if i said no?"

he laughed. "not a chance." he cleared his throat. "let me go wake ella up and get her ready."

you pulled on a pair of jeans and a sweater as well as thick socks and shoes. you walked out, nearly running into mat and ella in the hallway.

ella immediately perked up at seeing you and reached for you while mat rolled his eyes.

"can't believe she loves you more."

"i'm with her all day," you quipped. but the second the words left your mouth, you were backpedaling. "not to say that you're an absent father!" you amended. "i just mean that i live here and i take care of her when you're not here, so she sees me more and--"

mat's laughter cut you off. he placed a strong hand on your shoulder and squeezed. "i didn't take it that way, relax." and like nothing happened, he continued down the hall to the living room.

a sigh escaped your lips the second his touch was gone.

it was another ten minutes before the three of you left. originally, you were stunned that he asked you to join him in the first place, but when mat explained how confused he and tito were for that the first doctor's appointment, it made more sense.

everyone needed an emotional support friend.

you had a whole crew of them help move you out of your old apartment.

even the thought of that day made you want to tear up again. you'd never been one for having a large group of friends, usually just a close few. but after graduating college, after your school friends moved away from the city, somewhere along the way, you stopped picking up your phone to text them.

which was how you landed in your former apartment with natalie. she was a friend of a friend, and easy enough to live with.

until she fucked your boyfriend.

so when mat, tito, sydney, and marty all helped you move out? even after only knowing the latter two for less than twenty-four hours?

they put your old friends to shame.

"what's going on in that mind of yours?" mat asked. "you got quiet." you shrugged. "oh come on, you're thinking about something! i can see the wheels turning in your head."

"you sound like my mother."

mat guffawed and laughed at the same time in a sound that you wanted to commit to memory. "your mother? should i be offended?"

you smiled despite yourself. "she's alright."

"she must be if she raised you."

you crossed your arms. "you're such a flatterer."

"only for you."

you ignored the weird fluttering sensation in your gut and rolled your eyes. "wait till i tell tito that you like me more."

mat groaned and ran a hand over his mouth. "please don't, i get enough shit from him as it is."

interesting.

you turned in your seat to face him a little more. "and what shit would he be giving the great mathew barzal? spending too long on your hair? being too talented? having too many female fans?"

as you came to a stoplight, mat rubbed the back of his neck, looking increasingly more uncomfortable with your line of questioning. "not necessarily..." he trailed off.

but you ignored his signs of hesitancy and kept pressing on. "i bet it's about you being a dilf."

if the car was moving, you'd bet money that mat would've slammed on the brakes. but you were currently still sitting at the stoplight, so he just looked at you with an expression that boarded on shocked and horrified.

"a what?"

"surely, you know what a dilf is, mat."

he sputtered. "i mean i uh know what it is--"

"then why are you so flustered?" you asked, leaning on the center console.

"just wasn't expecting you to say that is all."

"i'm sure you and your teammates have said worse in the locker room."

"yeah but that's them and you're you and--" he cut himself off and chose to wave his hands in the air like that action alone would fill in the blanks.

"and what?"

mat accelerated as the light turned green. "i just didn't know you saw me that way."

you shrugged and sat back in your seat, ignoring the way your heart raced at the way the conversation took a turn. "don't tell me i'm the first person to say you're attractive, mat."

"well, no, but--"

"so what's the big deal? it's just me."

mat shrugged. "exactly. it's you."

you froze momentarily, but tried to brush his comment off like it didn't send a shiver down your spine.

the both of you were silent for the rest of the ride.

when you got to the doctor's office, both you and mat got out, with mat offering to carry ella into the building. though, the three of you made it twenty feet before ella was whining for you.

"my own child likes you more," he grumbled.

you just laughed.

the waiting room was semi full when the three of you walked in, but mat was the only dad in sight.

he leaned down towards you with a hand on the small of your back. "i'll go check us in if you'll find us a seat."

you did as he asked and ignored the way you could feel his touch long after he walked away. you and ella found a seat in a corner away from most of the women and children there. did you look antisocial? maybe just a little, but you weren't taking chances of ella or yourself getting sick, and you sure as hell weren't taking a chance on mat's health with the season in full swing.

"didn't want to sit with the other families?" mat asked as he took the seat next to you.

"i don't know those people, why would i sit next to them? they could be sick."

mat nodded along. "fair enough."

the three of you only waited a few minutes before ella's name was called. you stood up but it was mat who gestured for you to lead, again, with his hand on your back guiding you.

the nurse took a few vitals before taking the three of you back to the room. "the doctor will be with you shortly," she said before leaving you, mat, and ella alone.

it wasn't long before you heard another knock on the door and the doctor came in. she greeted the three of you before getting right down to business, directing you to place ella on the table.

doctor stevenson took ella's vitals while she wriggled around and reached for you and mat. "vitals look good," she said. "now she does need to have a few vaccines today..." the doctor kept talking but you were focused on mat.

specifically how all the color drained from his face.

you placed your hand on his back and directed him to one of the open chairs in the room, scared he might pass out if he stayed standing.

"is everything alright?" the doctor asked.

mat sat down and exhaled. "are you sure she has to get shots today?"

doctor stevenson's face looked grim. "do you not like needles or...?"

"i don't like seeing my daughter cry," he admitted.

"that's completely normal for parents," the doctor assured him. "if you'd like, you can stay out in the hall and we'll let you know when we're done. should only take a few minutes, if that."

you weren't listening to the doctor though, your eyes were focused on mat's face. a deep set frown worked its way onto his lips and you hated it. you reached out and touched his shoulder. "i can stay with her, if you don't wanna be in the room," you said.

his eyes met yours; for a man as confident as he was, you'd never seen him so hesitant. "last time she got shots, it about broke me."

"that's okay," you said. "i'll be here if you wanna step outside. i'll still be here if you wanna stay."

he nodded and stood up. for a second, you thought he'd make his way to the door, but he stood by the table and kissed the top of ella's head. "it's gonna be okay, ella bean," he mumbled.

doctor stevenson looked at you before pulling out the needles. you saw how mat kept eyeing them in the corner of his eye, but kept his focus on ella who was babbling like nothing was going on.

it took a few seconds after the first injection before the water works started. ella's cry sounded throughout the room but instead of looking at her, your eyes were focused on mat.

he was completely enraptured by ella, whispering soft things to her in an attempt to soothe her.

"it's okay, ella. dada's here," he whispered. "it's okay."

she kept crying despite the calm voice mat was using. she was twisting towards him and away from the doctor.

"just one more," doctor stevenson said. and in a minute, she was finished.

but ella wasn't.

the second the needle was pulled out and the band aids were placed, mat was picking ella up and cradling her to his chest. she wailed and wailed, only calming down when mat was bouncing her and speaking softly in her ear.

you halfway listened to doctor stevenson talk about what percentile of weight and height ella was in, half of your attention was focused on the gentle way mat was holding his daughter and how his arms, as strong as they were, protected his child from the big, bad, scary needles.

you were free to follow the nurse out the door to checkout. mat refused to let go of ella, so you were the one scheduling the next appointment and entering it into your shared google calendar.

ella was still hiccuping from the crying by the time the three of you got to the car. mat strapped her in while you got in the front seat and looked through the paperwork they gave you.

"everything look alright?" mat asked as he got in his seat and locked the doors.

"yeah, she's right as rain. i added the next appointment to our calendar."

mat hummed.

"what?" you asked.

"our calendar?"

"we share a calendar, mat. that was your idea, if you recall." you weren't about to be embarrassed about something he initiated. why would you? it's just a calendar, not something with an underlying meaning.

"i know," he smiled. "i just like the sound of it, is all." he put the car in reverse and placed his hand on your headrest.

"weirdo," you mumbled to compensate for the fact that you also liked referring to something as mundane as a calendar as ours.

mat scoffed. "i'm not the weirdo. you're the weirdo."

"oh please, i have an entire roster of your teammates that would say otherwise."

"you would trust their word over mine?"

you shrugged. "majority rules."

you didn't think someone could roll their eyes as hard as mat did in that moment.

the three of you got home a few minutes later. mat was in charge of getting ella while you grabbed his keys. you both waved to the doorman and headed up to your shared apartment.

god, you loved saying that more than you probably should.

"are you still going out with syd later?" mat called after you when you got into the apartment. you were headed back to your room while he was putting ella in the play pin.

you stripped out of your clothes and changed into something more comfortable. "yeah!" you called back, walking back down the hallway to the living room. "why?"

"tito and anders invited me out for drinks, so i'll need to find a babysitter."

"i can ask grace if she knows anyone--"

"don't. i'm the one who needs the sitter, it's my responsibility, not yours."

ella babbled in what you assumed was agreement.

later that day, you heard mat getting ready in his room while you got dressed in yours with ella playing on the floor with her toys. you weren't dressed in anything too fancy, just a nice black dress that had been sitting in the back of your old closet because your roommate said it was "too slutty for someone who has a boyfriend."

then she went and fucked your boyfriend, so you couldn't really say you gave a shit about her opinion anymore.

you strapped some heels on and gave yourself a once over in the mirror, fluffing your hair when it looked too flat. you scooped ella up and made a mental note to bring her toys out to her play pin later when you got back.

if you could even walk straight.

you weren't planning on getting shitfaced, but does anyone over the age of 23 ever plan on it?

you carried ella down the hallway and into the living room where mat sat on the couch on his phone with espn playing on the tv.

"i thought you'd eventually get tired of all the sports talk," you commented.

mat didn't even look up, he just liked a random person's photo. "it's nice background noise. besides, they're talking about sports other than just hockey."

"right." you walked in front of him to put ella in her play pin, your heels clicking on the hardwood. it wasn't until you turned around that you saw him staring. "what?"

mat cleared his throat and rubbed the back of his neck. "nothing! you just look...nice."

you smiled. "thank you! syd should be here any minute now. where did i put my phone..." your voice trailed off as you looked around for your cell phone.

"it's on the coffee table," mat said. and low and behold, it was. "do you have a coat? it's supposed to get cold tonight."

you nodded and headed to the coat closet beside the front door. you grabbed the black peacoat you had since college and tried to put it on before a pair of hands stopped you.

"let me help," was all mat said as he held the coat open for you. it took you a second to register what he was saying, he had to clear his throat to get you to snap back to reality.

"thanks," you said as you put your arms in the sleeves. your phone started ringing a second later, sydney's contact photo taking over your screen. "are you sure you don't want me to wait until she gets here?" you asked, talking about the babysitter. "i can help explain ella's routine!"

but mat rolled his eyes and herded you closer to the door. ""i'll be fine, go have fun!"

"if you need me, text me."

he gave you an award winning smile. "if you need me, call me."

you nodded and walked out, picking up the phone as mat locked the door behind you. "hey, i'm on my way down."

"great! i have an uber waiting for us."

you walked a little faster to the elevator, determined to not let the uber run up more money than was necessary, despite the fact that sydney was not strapped for cash.

you made it down quickly and without busting your ass on the polished floor.

sydney was waiting in a black suv like she was some government official in a marvel movie. she popped the back door open when she saw you and smiled. "you look fantastic!" she said once you got inside the vehicle.

you looked over her outfit which wasn't too dissimilar to yours, just not as revealing. "grace is joining us, hope that's okay!"

you nodded, vaguely recalling meeting anders' wife when jason had that meltdown in front of everyone.

not the best first impression, you hoped tonight would make her forget about that first night.

grace met you and sydney at a bar about twenty minutes away from yours and mat's apartment. she smiled as the two of you got out of the car, hugging you instead of shaking your proffered hand.

"it's great to see you again," she said. "you look fantastic."

"so do you!" you replied.

the three of you walked into the bar and were immediately greeted by loud music and an enormous crowd. you pushed your way through the people and ended up in front of the bar.

"get what you want!" sydney yelled over the music. "it's on me, tonight."

it didn't seem like a lot, but when you thought back to how jason and natalie both would conveniently go out with you on nights when they were broke, and then proceed to ask you to fund their near alcohol addiction? you were immensely grateful. if you were a pettier woman, you would've venmoed natalie and jason for the money they owe you in drinks alone.

but you were moving on, making peace with your new situation, your job, your new friends.

and mat.

you weren't sure what category to put him in yet.

"boss" seemed too professional. "friend" didn't seem heavy enough.

"what're you having?" the bartender's question snapped you out of your reflective moment. you gave him the order and watched as he started to make it.

your drink was in front of you after you waited for a few minutes. you sipped at it while walking to the table grace had picked out.

"so how's it going, living with mat?" grace asked as soon as you walked up.

you shrugged lightly. "not as bad as i thought it would be. i was expecting it to be awkward, but it's just been nice not to have to wake up as early to go to work."

sydney nodded. "matt told me barzy looks happier since you moved in."

"anders too," grace added. "my husband said he needs to 'meet this girl who has barzy smiling like a fool.'"

you flushed at their statements. "he's a good guy," was all you said.

sydney and grace were talking amongst themselves while you bopped your head to the music playing. you supped on your drink when a familiar head of hair caught you eye. it was followed by another familiar head of hair. you were squinting, trying to remember where you'd seen them before when they turned around your heart stopped.

jason and natalie.

you choked on your drink which caught sydney and grace's attention.

"are you okay?" sydney asked. she only grew more concerned when you threw your drink back, the alcohol barely burning your throat in comparison to the pain in your chest.

"i'm gonna get some shots," you said before stumbling to the bar. you ordered four shots of vodka and downed them all in succession at the bar top, and then doing your best to get back to the table afterwards.

your heart was pounding as you saw them cozied up in a booth. you wanted to vomit. you wanted to cry. you wanted to go over there and pour their drinks on their heads.

but mostly, you just wanted to go home.

but you couldn't. not when the night was still young. not when you were still feeling sober. you'd stupidly thought that the four shots would get you drunk quickly because you forgot that metabolisms exist.

you did your best to keep up with the conversation grace and sydney were having, and it was clear they were trying to include you. but your gaze kept drifting to how happy jason and natalie looked. and wondering how long they'd gone on dates when you were busy working, how many times did the sleep together before you caught them? you wondered if they were in love? or if it was just lust.

you wondered what made you so unloveable that he'd cheat on you. you wondered how despicable of a person you were that your roommate would agree to it.

you weren't drunk enough for this.

you excused yourself from the table again to get another drink. as you waited, you tapped your fingers on the bar, humming to the top 40s playlist playing over the speakers.

"can i get a jack and coke?" that voice sent a shiver down your spine in the worst way. you hesitantly turned your head and saw jason standing next to you, thankfully with natalie nowhere in sight. you didn't know what you'd do if they were both there with you in that moment.

he must've felt your stare because he turned his head and made eye contact. his jaw clenched a little before his lips curved into a sly smirk. "well look what the cat dragged out," he said. "where is he?"

you blinked.

"c'mon. like you don't know who i'm talking about?" when you didn't say anything, he rolled his eyes. "barzal. where is he?" jason glanced around the bar. "because i don't see him anywhere."

"why would he be here? mat's not my boyfriend."

"right, he's just letting you stay with him for free because he's such a good person," he teased.

maybe it was the shot placed in front of you. maybe it was the other four shots kicking in. but you downed the drink, wiped your mouth and shot back at him. "he's a better person than you could ever hope to be."

"he'll get bored of you eventually. people always do," jason scoffed. "you're his nanny, for fuck's sake. if you're not fucking him, he'll realize he could get better pussy and a better looking face from literally any other girl in new york. and once he realizes that, you'll be homeless and jobless."

you shook your head, willing the stinging in your eyes to go away. "he's not like you, jason."

"he's not gonna fall in love with you. you're a no good bitch who didn't know what she had when she had it. and i'm glad we're done, natalie is a thousand times more interesting than you could ever hope to be." with that, he turned on his heel with his shitty drink and walked back to his booth.

you walked back to your table but before you could even register the water running down your face, sydney was pulling you into her arms as you sobbed.

"sweetheart what's wrong?"

you could barely get the words out to tell her, but as soon as you did, she was pulling you back and looking you in the eyes. "i'm gonna call mat, is that okay?"

"please call him," you said. sydney brought you back into her chest with one arm while her other hand dialed mat.

"mat! hey!" she said with an overly cheery voice. "are you busy?"

just the sound of his voice, even if it was sounded like a small whisper, made you feel a little safer. she continued to talk to him through the phone until she hung up and hugged you tighter.

"he'll be here soon and take you home, okay?"

you nodded into her shoulder and cried a little more. "i'm sorry for ruining your night."

sydney squeezed you a little closer. "it's not your fault. your ex is a piece of shit."

mat must've texted syd a few minutes later because she was ushering you out of the bar to stand on the sidewalk.

it was a matter of seconds before mat pulled up and hopped out of his car looking like a man on a mission. in a blink of an eye you were being pulled out of sydney's arms (or maybe she was pushing you) and into his.

you could've sworn your life made a little more sense right then and there.

"mat--" you sobbed. "i--i can't--" and to be honest, you weren't quite sure what you meant to say, words weren't stringing themselves together like they usually do. maybe you were trying to say you couldn't keep doing this, or that you couldn't understand why he still kept you around.

it could be a million things.

but he kissed the top of your head and your brain was silenced. "let's get you home, okay?"

mat put you in the car and held your hand the entire way home, stroking his thumb on the back of your hand in a way jason never did.

jason.

you wanted to vomit but the interior of mat's car was too nice and he already ditched his friends for you, the least you could do was keep it together.

"do you wanna talk about it?" he asked.

you shook your head no, so he squeezed your hand.

when you finally got back to the apartment, you stood in the living room in a catatonic state while mat paid the babysitter and ushered her out. the second the front door closed, he was by your side, taking your hand, and leading you to the bathroom where he turned on the shower. when he made a move to leave, you grabbed his hand.

"i'm just gonna grab you some clothes, i'll be right back."

he was back in thirty seconds with one of his shirts and a pair of sweats. you were brought back to the first night you slept over after your relationship blew up. you should've smiled and said thank you, you should've said you appreciated all mat had done.

but you just burst into more tears.

mat knelt in front of you, wiping the tears as fast as they came. "hey, what's wrong?"

before you could even stop and think, you were launching yourself into his arms and wrapping your own around his shoulders. he didn't even hesitate to hold you back as tightly as he could.

"you're okay," he said. "i'll be right outside when you're done, alright?"

you nodded against his shoulder and hesitantly pulled away. mat seemed just as reluctant to let you go, but the steam fogging the mirror reminded you both that there was a line you hadn't (and maybe shouldn't) cross.

mat shut the bathroom door behind him and you stripped out of your clothes.

it was the fastest shower you'd ever taken in your life.

true to his word, mat was outside the bathroom door when you were finished in a set of sweats he wasn't wearing before. he looked up from his phone and held his arms out, and for what felt like the fiftieth time (though that still did not feel like enough), you were in his arms again.

"let's get you to bed," he mumbled into your hair before placing another kiss there.

before you could stop yourself, you mumbled back. "can i sleep with you tonight?"

mat froze.

hell, you froze.

neither of you knew what to do.

but a minute later he was pulling away. you felt the tears well up in your eyes at the thought of him rejecting you, but what did you honestly expect? him to say yes? you moved to go down the hall to your room, but his grip on your hand stopped you.

"c'mon," was all he said.

up until this moment, you'd never been in mat's room. it was about what you expected, king bed in the middle of the room, a dresser, a few clothes strewn about. it looked lived in.

mat got in the bed first and extended his arms to you. it was like he was the center of the earth, pulling you in with such a strong gravitational pull, you stood no chance to resist it.

you were curled up against his chest a beat later.

"thank you," you said.

"anytime," he said against your hair.

your head was placed right over his chest where his heart beat loudly. the sound of it began lulling you to sleep.

it should've been a picturesque moment, but it was tainted by the lingering anxiety in the back of your mind.

was jason right? was this a bad decision? would mat kick you out if you never have sex with him? would he kick you out if you did?

but then mat started running a hand over your hair and down your back repeatedly, and all your worries disappeared.

you'd have more time to think about that tomorrow.

taglist:

@nicoleloveshockey @thg02 @fallinallincurls @bbbbruins @random-readers-world @sydsxoxo @jhughesy @whenmypartysover @sunflowerhood @spencereidbasis @icanfsplel @avareadsthings @zegraswrites @matthewkniesys @heyitsmeimdead @kashee-h @bordelhoe @diary-of-jj @literatureluster @dani746

[bakingblues]

my great grandmother was a magic weaver

My nanna used to love telling me she was born within the sound of the Bow Bells meaning she was a true Cockney, which is genuinely quite funny if you knew my nanna at all. This actually played no part in me being a West Ham fan, but I the idea of these threads that weave through our lives, joining us in ways that mean something beyond what the eye can see.

In fact, Nanna was ostensibly a Spurs fan, having been taken to White Hart Lane by her brother when she was younger. She'd tell me that standing in the terraces was like being caught up in a rough sea, at one point both her feet were off the ground as she was lifted up by the bodies squashed next to her. She never went again, but it didn't stop her fondly teasing me.

Nanna died 8 days ago, and I can't stop thinking about the newsletter Lorde wrote when her dog died.

I eat a grief sandwich

I wear a grief coat

I see a grief film

And isn't that what it's like. Except for me it's just I have a grief bath, I have a grief bath, I go for a grief walk, I have a grief bath. I keep buying yarn the colours of the sea and I knit a grief sock. Kasper told me he finds how life is cyclical sad but very beautiful and so maybe with the rest of the yarn I won't knit more grief socks, but I'll make a blanket for the little bundle of cells growing in Lucy's tummy. A life goes on and on and on and isn't that lovely blanket.

Ella lets me go over to her flat and lie on her bed and cry in her arms, Lindsay comes over and brings bread and cheese and sends flowers to my mum, Meg and Rach and Lucy and Emily check in every day. Victoria is so gentle with me, letting me tiptoe around the flat feeling so heavy with sadness. My school friends tell me how much they love Nanna, how she was an icon, a legend, a wonderful person. Everyone tells me they'll always think of her when they see Poldark.

Every day I put on either the heart locket bracelet she gave me, or the amber necklace with the spider trapped in that mum said I could keep. I wrap myself in the cardigan she made me when I was 11 or wear the soft navy blue cashmere jumper I slipped into my bag when we were sorting through her clothes last week. I just want to be surrounded by her, all the time. She was my favourite, I'll miss her forever and ever.

[ask-campcamp-future]

THE INTERNET DEMANDS MOOOOOOORE INFORMATION ABOUT THE CAMPERS.

Especially Ella because with that name she sounds precious.

Wow your my first ask on this blog in a long while, I have a list buried in my google doc notes from last year so I'll give you some I can remember off the top my head how about it? So consider this part one

So you asked about Ella, very artsy creative girl, she has a problem with paying attention but she's a sweetheart, she has like big mismatching colourful socks and sketchers light up shoes, wears a blue long sleeve shirt with a orange short shirt on top because of the camp, her hairs pink and frizzy and you could definitely find leafs and twigs in there, she goes to writing camp, she makes cute poems and stories about the forest animals, she really likes junior camp counsellor nikki she thinks she's fun

Scout is David's niece she's the oldest camper there, she's definitely the most responsible camper there and she's very relaxed, gives alot of big sister energy, she actually doesn't technically have a camp as she's just staying with David for the summer because her parents are working overseas, not that she minds she likes her uncle, she sometimes sneaks into the woods at night to...ahem...smoke the devil's lettuce, its possibly the reason she's so relaxed with all the antics

Carlos and Connor two wild child twin brothers that go to adventure camp, both brown haired with green eyes, you can tell them apart because Carlos is covered in freckles and Connor doesn't have any freckles, Carlos wears green coloured things while Connor wears red coloured things, Connor wants to find ghosts and solve mystery while Carlos would rather make up a new language and discover secret places no one knows about, they disagree alot but they come as a pair they even have a secret handshake

Bailey, she's there for music camp and she hates it, she has the worst stage fright and she doesn't even want to be at camp, her mother is a Broadway star and she's expected by her family to have that same talent, she's a shy young girl who can't find her voice to stand up for herself, she doesn't find it all bad though, she finds some of the kids nice, she has purple hair and heterochromia, one eye being brown and one eye being blue,

Dustin, he's a bit of a dick, he's Cameron Campbell and miss priss's eldest son, he goes to sports camp, he looks alot like his mom, he's a troublemaker that not even his parents can reel in and he bully's the other campers with no mercy, the only time he actually felt BAD about his bullying was when he gave one if the other campers a concussion with a basketball, he never purposely causes physical harm, the worst he'll do is mean words or maybe a light push, people like Scout say he's probably doing all of this for attention to stand out from his brothers and sister

[backatthechickenshack]

Back at the Chicken Shack Playlist

WFDU.fm HD2 115th Show 9/8/21

RIP Lee Scratch Perry

the Fame Gang - It's Your Thing

Big Ella - the Queen

lee scratch Perry - Chicken Scratch

Warren Smith - Rock n Roll Ruby

Jack earls - Hey Jim

Ray Harris - greenback Dollar watch & Chain

Sonny Burgess - Itchy

Mack Vickery - Foolproof

the Uniques - You Ain't Tuff

Dean Carter - Sock it To Me Baby

the Rare Breed -Beg Borrow & Steal

the Sparkles- No Friend of Mine

the daily Flash - Jack of Diamonds

Howlin Wolf - Shake for Me

Howlin Wolf -  Evil

Howlin Wolf - Louise

Howlin Wolf - Built for Comfort

Howlin Wolf - Howlin for My darlin'

Howlin Wolf - Down in the Bottom

Frenchy - Rocket Machine

the T-Bones - No matter what Shape (Your stomach's in)

Ann Peebles - Come to Mama

Al Green - Here I Am (come and Take Me )

Willie Mitchell - San-Ho-Zay

Emmett Lord- Women

ray Charles - It Should've been Me

Little Caesar & the Romans - You Can't Bring Me Down

Freddy Coaster & the Standels - Drinkin'

the Vikings - Nicotine

Jerry Lee Lewis - Memphis Beat

Paul Rishell & Annie Raines - Memphis Town

JJ Cale - Midnight in Memphis

Lee Scratch Perry & the Upsetters - People Funny Boy

Lee Scratch Perry - Tell Me Something Good

Bob Marley & lee scratch Perry - Keep on Skanking

Isaac Hayes - walk on By

http://wfdu2.streamrewind.com/bookmarks/listen/332217/back-at-the-chicken-shack

[spanishskulduggery]

Hi there =) I read that you don't want to do homework for people, I get it, and this is fairly easy probably... very beginner level Spanish but with all the online lessons I don't get it. How/when/why do I know when to use a word like 'decírtelo'. I get that the te refers to the fact I'm using the second person singular and the lo stands for it. But I can't figure out when to use it or how to build it if that makes sense. Thank you

Oh that’s totally not a problem. When I say I don’t want to do people’s homework I usually mean I don’t want to write their essays for them.

So, what you’re seeing with decírtelo is a combination of three things: the infinitive form decir, plus te, and then a direct object lo

Or in other words, combining direct and indirect objects with a verb in some way.

But I will say before beginning that the accent marks appear because of something extremely complicated known as esdrújula which is not really a beginner topic. It’s really: “Why does that word have an accent mark?”

Basically that whole thing is how you decide if and where to put in accent marks.

Saying decirte “telling you” would have no accent, but then you add decírtelo and it does because you added a new particle to the word but the emphasis was always on the “cir” and without the accent mark people might put it on the “te” instead. 

Again, it’s very complicated especially for beginners so just be aware of it but don’t worry if you don’t know it.

There are three ways that you see this:

Infinitive form [which is often optional]

Gerund or progressive form

Affirmative commands

#1 - Infinitive form

The infinitive form is the textbook dictionary form a verb. It’s just unconjugated.

You would use this either because you have a conjugated verb + an unconjugated verb, usually with a helping verb that’s already conjugated like poder, querer, or debe… or when you’re using the verb as a noun like “the action or result of a verb”

When you have two verbs together, one is conjugated and the one that follows (or sometimes the multiple ones that follow) are in infinitive form. And when you add direct or indirect objects, you normally have the option to put them all in front of the conjugated verb… OR you can attach them all to the verb in the infintiive

Te lo digo. = I’m telling you. [one conjugated verb]

Tengo que decírtelo. = I have to tell you (it). [one conjugated verb + unconjugated verb]

Te lo tengo que decir. = I have to tell you (it). [alternative form]

And since you might be in a position where you could use multiple verbs here’s one:

Quiero poder decírtelo. = I want to be able to tell you (it).

It would sound really strange adding all of that in front. I’m not sure if it’s possible. Like, it would make sense but it would sound very strange.

Most people put the things at the end, particularly English speakers since in English we tend to put our objects at the end and it feels more natural.

Since infinitive can sometimes be used by itself I’ll show you sort of what that looks like:

Decírtelo es difícil. = Telling you (it) is hard.

Querer decírtelo y poder decírtelo son cosas muy distintas. = Wanting to tell you (it) and being able to tell you are very different things.

#2 - Gerund/Progressive form

The gerund is the “-ing” form of a verb. It’s a verbal form, not exactly conjugated, but it’s not the same as the infinitive.

These normally come in with estar, or a verb of motion like ir, seguir, or andar.

Me lo sigues diciendo. = You keep telling me (it). / You continue telling me (it).

Sigues diciéndomelo. = You keep telling me (it). / You continue telling me (it).

Again, sometimes you might see a helping verb in there somewhere:

Tienes que seguir diciéndomelo. = You have to keep telling me (it).

Puedes seguir diciéndomelo. = You can kee telling me (it).

#3 - Affirmative Commands

Negative commands are worded differently, but this is somewhat more complicated.

First you need to know how to conjugate commands. With commands, there’s tú command for informal, usted command for formal, and a plural command if you’re talking to multiple people.

Second you need to get the indirect object right because it could be different.

And then you need to get the direct object right because what you’re talking about might be masculine or feminine depending on context.

So for example, say that the lo in this is el regalo “gift”, while the la here is la carta “letter”:

Dámelo. = Give it to me. [informal]

Démelo. = Give it to me. [formal]Dénmelo. = Give it to me. [plural]

Dámela. = Give it to me. [informal]Démela. = Give it to me. [formal]Dénmela. = Give it to me. [plural]

There’s a lot of weirdness to unpack in all of that but it has to do with esdrújula and that’s also weird.

Side Note: When an indirect object is 3rd person [him/her/usted or them/you all] + direct object, the indirect object turns to se so that you don’t have to use le and les and trip yourself up

pedir un favor = to ask for a favorpedirte un favor = to ask a favor of you / to ask you a favorpedirle un favor = to ask a favor of him/her/Youpedirles un favor = to ask a favor of them/you all

pedírtelo = to ask you for (it) [lit. “to request it of you”]

pedírselo (a él) = to ask him for itpedírselo (a ella) = to ask her for itpedírselo (a usted) = to ask you for it [formal]pedírselo (a ellos / ellas) = to ask them for itpedírselo (a ustedes) = to ask you all for it

Spain also has vosotros which is like “you all” but informal… so like “y’all”

That would be pediros un favor and then pedíroslo

Commands can sometimes be reflexive so you might see them with accent marks too: levántate [tú], levántese [usted], and levántense [plural] which all mean “get up!” in different levels of formality.

There are cases where a command might have a direct object and also be reflexive:

ponerse la ropa = to put on clothes

Ponte el abrigo. = Put your coat on.Ponte la chaqueta. = Put your jacket on.Ponte los zapatos. = Put your shoes on.Ponte las medias. = Put your socks on. [la media is a regional word for “sock”, you’re probably used to el calcetín for “sock” and los calcetines for plural]

Póntelo. = Put it on.Póntela. = Put it on.Póntelos. = Put them on.Póntelas. = Put them on.

Again, poner is an irregular verb.

You’d get the same kind of construction with quitarse la ropa “to take off clothes”:

Quítatelo. = Take it off.Quítatela. = Take it off.Quítatelos. = Take them off.Quítatelas. = Take them off.

There are other smaller issues with this and more itty bitty details, but this is the basic gist.