#i can't stand those corny one liners especially

[desiringparadise]

want to ask for prompts but am afraid they'll be shit

[pixyys]

thou shalt not be sad!

making corny jokes and pick up lines for them

ft. the flags + chuuya + verlaine + adam

warnings. possible storm bringer spoilers; fluff/humor + hurt/comfort

notes. romantic/ platonic; huuuuge thank you to @silverbladexyz for these wonderful pick up lines ♡; reposting bc oh god, tumblr was in a silly mood

art by @/shan_zeze (twt)

❝you have a little bit of some loose screws in your head. everyone knows this well enough. but seriously, every person in your vicinity are just so depressed and gloomy! surely, that's nothing some some good ol' one liners can't solve. ❞

LIPPMANN

Our little story starts during a time when The Flags have the pleasure of gathering together. Everyone has been busy with their businesses for quite a while. But they finally get the time to relax and act like normal young men without the burdens and horrors of their line of work.

Of course, you are there too! For.. whatever reason you have. No one minds nor questions your presence, so you sit there, simply observing; grinning with a dumbstruck smile at how everyone is happy and enjoying their time.

Especially lippmann. You saw his recent movie, the one that blew up on the internet, yeah. He's been flying all over the world for premiers and promotions. Even now, he just got back from one of his world tours.

"Lippmann," you make your way towards the end of the billiard table. "How was Europe?"

"Europe?" he recovers from his hunched position, the billiard cue still in his hand. "It was quite nice. Do you want me to take you when I go on another tour in the future?"

Whoa. Traveling Europe with 'the' Lippmann?

"Yes please," the response comes a bit too eager than you intended. "But won't it be a hassle? Was there any quarantine during your latest travel?"

"Well, for safety measures-"

"-Because you can't spell quarantine without U R A Q T."

The room falls silent as those words leave your mouth, save for the ticking of the clock and someone's pool ball falling on the floor.

"Ah.. well," Lippmann laughs nervously. For a flit moment, burying yourself six feet under sounds like a very tempting escape. But the thought dissipates as the charming actor chuckles, with a very lilting voice and a cute-looking smile that could've made you keel over right there and then.

"I suppose there will still be momentary quarantines since the virus is still around," he continues. "After all, you can't spell virus without U and I."

Well.

"Oh hell no! Not this again!"

Something cracks with a horrible crunch, probably Chuuya breaking his billiard cue. Not sure didn't care. You're too busy gaping at the actor slash mafioso like some dying fish. Either way, this dying fish got that world tour free pass! yeah!

‎

━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━

PIANO MAN

Looking back, you have no idea how you managed to crawl out from that pit of embarrassment and continue life as usual. Maybe your sense of dignity just dried out. Maybe you're the kind of person who just rolls with everything. You pulled through, either way.

As it goes, your existence and role in The Flags is a peculiar one, as peculiar as your personality. A wildcard, if you will. Again, maybe that's why you find yourself helping Piano Man with those 'supernotes' of his.

"Say, Piano Man, do you play the piano?" you ask, mind drifting wistfully as you watch him send away some of his underlings. Some others are still waiting for their next order, standing by within the vicinity—you included.

"I don't," he regards your curious question.

"I think you'll be a great pianist."

Piano Man offers a raise on his brow, "On what ground?" he said.

"I mean, better yet, you can be Bae-thoven."

To put it in the most less-heartbreaking sense, his response is both something you definitely expected but nevertheless didn't prepare for. The silence that follows is reminiscent of that time you landed a free Europe tour pass with Lippmann, so is the forced laugh that grows from Piano Man's mouth.

Another, painfully awkward silence that comes after it, however; you can't help but reel from it.

"Piano Man, please. That's the worst possible response," you half-whispered.

"Ah, apologies. I suppose.. thank you?"

THAT IS THE WORST POSSIBLE RESPONSE.

The room is dead silent, and it doesn't look like it's because Piano Man's underlings are too afraid to laugh in his presence. No, at this rate, your sense of dignity will really dry out, dissipating out of existence. That is until you saw a glimpse of Piano Man's subtle smug face.

Ah, right. It is Piano Man you're up against.

[name]: i showed you my best pickup line pls respond

piano man: no <3

In bitter shame of such pitiful defeat, you toned down your puns ever since. But one time, when you cross paths with your arch nemesis once again, Piano Man strikes up a conversation.

"About that thing about not being able to play the piano, [Name]. I think I'll start learning it."

"Really?" you turn to him.

But what did he do? he, in turn, closes the distance, leaning his face to your ears, "How about you give me some piano lessons?" he whispers, and you can almost, almost feel his breath lingering on your earlobe.

"We can play all night and make sweet music." you can feel his smile.

You ascended; jaws dropped, eyes popped out, cheeks hot. You didn't remember if you passed out or dropped dead.

Really, it's best to only pick battles you can win.

‎

━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━

ICEMAN

"Iceman is it? You seem like a cool guy. I hope we can get along."

Iceman knew you're a walking embodiment of a headache the moment you exchange names and shake each other's hands.

He still wonders why he still puts up with your shenanigans. Or why he still agreed on helping you do combat practice and friendly spars. All the while trying to not accidentally stab or decapitate you, probably.

He watches you pat down your light bruises, making use of the momentary rest. Objectively speaking, you are no weak opponent. Sure, he can likely kill you in your sleep. But at least not without some struggle in your part.

"This place is pretty neat for sparring, like a very comfy practice room," you comment, still holding the shoulder that might have a nasty bruise- or a sprain? He hopes not. Iceman wonders if he threw you too hard just now.

"Oh! Speaking of," you suddenly turn to him, "Are you a practice room? Because I want you and I hope you're not taken."

Yeah, No. he really should've thrown you harder.

Iceman, once again, questions why he puts up with you. You both are not even musicians and you manage to force that line into this context, and for what?

"..Iceman?"

He remains passive.

"Uh, please laugh?..At least?"

You made it a mental note to not mess with Iceman again. Poor guy. He still helps you patch up those sparing bruises though, so you should be good👍

‎

━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━

DOC

"Sorry, can you help me? I think something's wrong with my eyes."

Being sent to the battlefront is tough. Guns and fists and knives don't exactly line up with an unscathed body. But you're tougher! And you have your reliable good friend, Doc. Iceman's training retinue polished you like a coarse diamond grinder, so Doc didn't have to do much than patch up minor cuts and scratches.

Doc decides to hold back further questions at your remark. Instead, choosing to appraise your face- the eye you claim to be 'wrong'. There's a subtle crease on his brow as his hands frame your cheek, trying to observe visible damage on your eye.

Of course. Even the most skilled doctor won't find anything. your eyes are fine.

"I think I just can't take them off you." you wink.

Doc tilts his head, then blinks.

Cute! Yet, the silence is starting to trigger the PTSD you got from Piano Man and Iceman. You hope it won't be the same case for this 'Doctor-Man.'

He finally nods, as if making up a decision. "Does it feel numb? Or painful?"

"No, I mean-"

"Maybe something is wrong with your extraocular muscles. I can open them up and-"

"You know what? Don't worry about it," you cut him off, rushing to swat away the current topic. "I think it just healed! That's amazing! I knew you're the best doctor one could ever ask for!"

Yeah.. better be careful next time. Getting your eyes dissected and cut open must not be fun.

‎

━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━

ALBATROSS

You're not saying you have a favorite in The Flags, but you're saying you have a favorite in The Flags, and that might or might not be Albatross. (It's definitely Albatross).

He is your true partner in crime, aiding you in your eternal quest to annoy every single living existence (especially Chuuya, but don't tell him that). Albatross isn't very keen on puns or pickup lines, but he picks up the habit as soon as you start greeting him with those daily doses of corniness.

"Morning!" you send the energetic wheelman a lighthearted smile, waving as you pass by the hallways of the headquarters.

"Oh, mornin' [Name]-"

"-Do you believe in love at first sight, or should I walk by again?"

By normal standards, a perfectly normal person normally does not start their morning with a badly-placed and badly-formed, relatively corny pickup line. But abiding by the normal standards isn't exactly how you roll, and neither does Albatross. That moment marked the day The Flags must put up with a brand new headache.

"I'm confused… I thought happiness started with an H, but mine seems to start with U."

"Life without you is like a broken pencil... totally pointless."

"Are you a camera? Because every time I look at you, I smile."

"Are you a loan? 'Cause you've got my interest-"

"Alright. i believe that's enough, you two."

It takes Piano Man a lot to get him to lose his patience, and apparently, you've done abundant. Don't worry about Chuuya, the little precious bundle of rage is long gone. He knows better than to risk exhausting his voice or accidentally ransacking the whole hideout (lmao).

‎

━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━

ADAM FRANKENSTEIN

You are suffering from success. Or winning from failure? These jokes and pickup lines became something of a second nature to your tongue. You can't even remember what you said to this robot- er, supercomputer agent Adam Frankenstein.

"Oh. This is what humans call as puns, also known as paronomasia, a form of wordplay that exploits multiple meanings of a term, or of similar-sounding words, for an intended humorous effect."

"Yeah-"

"But yours wasn't funny."

>:0

"W-well," you cough, recovering yourself. "Funny isn't the only intended effect. It was a punny pick-up line."

Adam nods.

"A pick-up line or chat-up line is a conversation opener with the intent of engaging a person for romance or dating. Are you trying to woo me?"

:0

"W-wwwhat?"

So, a literal robot just pulled an uno reverse card on you. Yet still, that's a good question. Are you really trying to woo him?

"I- I thought you'll start making one of those android jokes." you make an unsteady smile.

"My android jokes? Of course. They are not made with the intention of expressing romantic expression, so I can make one for you if you wish so."

Well. This tin man just indirectly reject your yet-to-exist confession.

"Either way, I am flattered by your attempts. However, I'm afraid that it will be impossible. You are a human and I am an autonomous humanoid supercomputer, the first to be used for law enforcement use-"

Yep. the tin man just directly rejected your yet-to-exist confession. Adam woke up and chose violence. At this point, you're better off going home and curling up in your blanket with some sad love song playlist. You think Chuuya winced and made a very pitiful expression for you. But you choose to mark that off as your imagination.

‎

━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━

PAUL VERLAINE

For a reason you can't fathom, you somehow end up in Verlaine's, Chuuya's, and Adam's theater of bloodshed.

Right here, right now, you're a vanguard of the battlefront. You shouldn't be thinking 'this'. Your chest hurts so bad from dodging Verlaine's attacks, your limbs are aching from bruises and cuts, your head is spinning with adrenaline, and this French man is trying to kill you and kidnap your ginger friend.

But darn, he's fine- You slap yourself.

"You good?" Chuuya rasps, struggling to make his step as he flanks your side.

"No, but-" another flying car flings towards your direction, and muscle memory forces you both to flee from your position, escaping death by a grasp.

Well.

This man is merciless, and *cough* attractive. Had he not currently trying to throw cars at you, you'd take him to some nice cafe and start serenading him with, uh, 'sweet' words.

Might as well.

"Whoa sir, you have some killer moves!" you roar heartily, uncaring by the way chuuya is eyeing you like an incredulous mother daring her child to do something stupid. "I'd simply die to have you." you wink.

"[NAME], WHAT THE HELL?!"

In that split second, your words seem to catch Verlaine in a trance. Adam's fancy iron man laser beam almost grazes the French man's shoulder..somehow.

Hey, that worked! :D

[name] : chuuya, i think he's french.

chuuya : no shi-

[name] : i think eiffel for him.

chuuya:

‎

━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━

NAKAHARA CHUUYA

This is it. The curtain calls, and it's time to face the final boss; it's time to unleash the ultimate torment to this poor boy.

"Ooh! Don't you look dapper? I always liked your fashion sense. You look good in that suit."

Chuuya doesn't immediately answer, opting to silently trace the paved sidewalk you both are treading on. By all means, both of you have no trouble with resources that a personal car, or even a whole limousine won't be impossible. It's just that the moon shines beautifully that night, so you drag your grumpy friend for a breath of fresh air.

"But you know what you'll look better in?" you chuckle, following his steps. "My arms."

Nothing. Mo reaction. No swatting your finger guns, no annoyed and incessant curses. Chuuya treats you like a nonexistent ghost, until he halts and simply stares at you with an inexplicable expression.

"Chuuya?" you falter, "Did- I go too far? Or did it finally get you? my jokes..?"

Oh, it did get him. No, you got him.

He shifts closer to you, like he finally loses it and is about to choke you to death. But this feels different. There is no malice or raw anger in his movements. They feel.. heavy, tired. Wordlessly, he leans his weight on your body, resting his forehead on your shoulder.

His breath is warm against your collarbone; the slight shudder from his long exhale stripped the corny jokes off your tongue.

"Oh, Chuuya.." you mirror him, putting your arms around him in a reassuring embrace. He is now here, in where you both want him to be: Your arms.

Some things come, and some things simply go. But some other things just don't change. Chuuya is grateful he can still hear your annoying jokes and lines, and that you are still by his side.

[hyperfixatinglove]

Milk tea, Coffee, Rosehip tea and Chai tea for Ratchet and Frank? :3

I'll answer coffee in this one for @yuiaka

Ratchet:

milk tea; what are their kisses like?

Ratchet's soft kisser. The kisses tend to be sensual and tender but long. We will always wrap our tails around the other even when our arms are already holding each other close.

He kisses me mostly to cut me off playfully, then apologize if I seem upset he interrupted me. And right before big battle (for 55th time we swear) when we are once again saving universe or multiuniverse.

coffee; do they get jealous easily? how do they show it?

Quite easily. He gets grumpy, crosses arms and his eyebrows furrow, his tail swings more.

He quickly cuts any flirts off with annoyed: "We're in relationship. Back off." If that doesn't do the trick, he brings out the literal big guns like RYNO, brings me close to him by waist and simply says: "She's my sunshine."

He will fire, if the flirter doesn't back off.

rosehip tea; how romantic are they? how do they show affection?

Not a lot, but that's not to say we do not do romantic things,those things just happen as we travel. Not planned for long time kind of dates but spontaneous "let's swim in this ocean!" date or "kill these bad guys and then gaze the stars" date. Silly things!

He shows affection with physical contact and killing enemies for me.

He loves to tackle me to the ground and playfight me, then either cuddle, kiss or ticklefight. Ratchet likes to- no,loves nuzzling his sunshine and I will nuzzle him back! Fist bump together, fist bump to my chest..

Our tails are locked together 99% of the time we're standing next to each other, anytime,anywhere.

chai tea; how do they spice up their relationship?

I fail to understand this question?? Hello??

We like to do silly challenges together! Who eats most pancakes? Who can destroy 50 enemies faster? Who's quicker to other side of planet? Who flusters the other so much they can't speak? Just playfully challenging together like overgrown children cause neither of us got to have a childhood. We both had fend for ourselves from very young age.

For Frank:

milk tea; what are their kisses like?

Frank likes to kiss a little on the rough side. But not too rough for my taste. He adores to kiss me so long I'm deep red and out of breath and my eyes twinkle but I can't let out single syllable. Then he lets out corny one-liner and makes me laugh so hard I cry.

He likes to kiss me,but he loves to make me laugh the most. It's his number 1 shit,the Thing TM that never fails to make him smile and fall deeper in love.

Frank is the only one of my f/os who dips me when kissing me everytime. Like you know that when in dancing you dip your partner towards the floor before you pull them up? That. It's his Thing. I love assigning one thing to my f/os they do that no one else does and this is Frankie's.

His kisses also taste of orange juice since he chucks them down so much, especially if we're unfortunate enough to be in another outbreak. We annoy the hell out of Stacey who almost pulls a gun on us every time we kiss in Fortune but she keeps it together only bc her masterplan isn't done yet. She complains about us when she's revealed and shot me lol. We've had complains from a lot of people for the way we kiss.

I've asked Frankie to keep it down a notch but he refuses.

coffee; do they get jealous easily? how do they show it?

Frank's chill. For most part.

But god forbid if someone else makes me laugh. He's fine with physical touch and flirty comments (since most will fly over my head anyway and he jokingly and very lightly flirts with others-) but outright making me laugh and pestering me about boyfriend / husband will make him jealous.

He be making this face at the douche^

rosehip tea; how romantic are they? how do they show affection?

Frankie's not a romantic. He will roll his eyes at Jane Austen movies but will still say something sappy from time to time just so he can see me blush and squeal.

I'm not saying he doesn't know how to be romantic, he knows candles at dinner and serenading will make me wild,it just doesn't come naturally for journalist.

He makes this up with reassuring me he truly loves me and wants to be with me as I get insecure a lot.

His "way" of being romantic is having collection of thick photo albums full of photos he has taken of me in any situation imaginable. Having dates where we play Megaman. Spoiling me rotten.

You do not know the meaning of spoiling someone until you see how much Frankie spoils me when he's on the top of the game, on the peak of his fame and popularity. This man, bought me everything and I mean everything I wanted.

He did it every day (multiply times!) so there were tabloid rumours and gossip wondering was I his trophy wife & was he my sugar daddy.

I got upset when I kept checking the news about it. I begged him to stop but he just cursed them & insisted gossip mongers don't know our relationship or us.

His spoiling of me was one of the reasons he lost the money he made out of his story of Willamette. I still feel guilty.

I smell amazing fic idea from this-

chai tea; how do they spice up their relationship?

He bought me lingerie but didn't get to tell it was lingerie and I just thought it as cute underwear/dress and began wearing it during summer heats-

He didn't buy me more. But he didn't jump on me either.

Why I write so many suggestive things with Frankie??

That aside, if your relationship is on grounded foundation with trust,friendship,love communication etc do you need to spice it up?

I imagine our travels keep things spicy enough.

[pixyys]

thou shalt not be sad!

making corny jokes and pick up lines for them

ft. the flags + chuuya + verlaine + adam

notes. romantic/ platonic; possible storm bringer spoilers; huuge thanks to @silverbladexyz for these wonderful pick up lines ♡

art by @/shan_zeze (twt)

❝you have a little bit of some loose screws in your head. everyone knows this well enough. but seriously, every person in your vicinity are just so depressed and gloomy! surely, that's nothing some some good ol' one liners can't solve. ❞

LIPPMANN

our little story starts during a time when the flags have the pleasure of gathering together. everyone has been busy with their businesses for quite a while. but they finally get the time to relax and act like normal young men without the burdens and horrors of their line of work.

of course, you are there too! for.. whatever reason you have. no one minds nor questions your presence, so you sit there, simply observing; grinning with a dumbstruck smile at how everyone is happy and enjoying their time.

especially lippmann. you saw his recent movie, the one that blew up on the internet, yeah. he's been flying all over the world for premiers and promotions. even now, he just got back from one of his tours.

"lippmann," you make your way towards the end of the billiard table. "how was europe?"

"europe?" he recovers from his hunched position, the billiard cue still in his hand. "it was quite nice. do you want me to take you when i go on another tour in the future?"

whoa. traveling europe with the lippmann?

"yes please," the response come a bit too eager than you intended. "but won't it be a hassle? was there any quarantine during your latest travel?"

"well, for safety measures-"

"because you can't spell quarantine without U R A Q T."

the room falls silent as those words leave your mouth, save for the ticking of the clock and someone's pool ball falling on the floor.

"ah.. well," lippmann laughs nervously. for a flit moment, burying yourself six feet under sounds like a very tempting escape. but the thought dissipates as the charming actor chuckles, with a very lilting voice and a cute-looking smile that could've made you keel over right there and then.

well, it's lippmann for you.

"i suppose there will still be momentary quarantines since the virus is still around," he continues," after all, you can't spell virus without U and I."

damn.

"oh hell no! not this again!"

something cracks with a horrible crunch, probably chuuya breaking his billiard cue. not sure didn't care. you're too busy gaping at the actor slash mafioso like some dying fish. either way, this dying fish got that world tour free pass! yeah!

‎

━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━

PIANO MAN

looking back, you have no idea how you managed to crawl out from that pit of embarrassment and continue life as usual. maybe your sense of dignity just.. dried out. or you're the kind of person who just rolls with everything. you do you, champ.

your existence and role in the flags is a peculiar one, as peculiar as your personality. a wildcard, if you will. maybe that's why you find yourself helping piano man with those "supernotes" of his. 

"say, piano man, do you play the piano?" you ask, mind drifting wistfully as you watch him send away some of his underlings. some others are still waiting for their next order, standing by within the vicinity—you included.

"i don't," he regards your curious question.

"i think you'll be a great pianist."

piano man offers a raise on his brow, "on what ground?" he said.

"i mean, better yet, you can be bae-thoven."

to put it in the most less-heartbreaking sense, his response is both something you definitely expect but nevertheless didn't prepare for. the silence that follows was reminiscent of that time you landed a free tour pass with lippmann, so as the forced laugh that grows from piano man's mouth.

another, painfully awkward silence that comes after it, however; you can't help but reel from it.

"piano man, please, that's the worst possible response," you half-whispered.

"ah, apologies," he simpers, "i suppose.. thank you?"

THAT IS THE WORST POSSIBLE RESPONSE.

the room is dead silent, and it doesn't look like it's because piano man's underlings are too afraid to laugh because of him. no, at this rate, your sense of dignity will really dry out, dissipating out of existence. that is until you saw a glimpse of piano man's subtle smug face.

ah, right. you forgot it was piano man you're up against.

[name]: i showed you my best pickup line pls respond

piano man: no &lt;3

in bitter shame of such pitiful defeat, you toned down your puns ever since. but one time, when you cross paths with your arch nemesis once again, piano man strikes up a conversation.

"about that thing about not being able to play the piano, [name]. i think i'll start learning it."

"oh really?" you turn to him. 

but what did he do? he, in turn, closes the distance, leaning his face to your ears, "how about you give me some piano lessons?" he whispers, and you can almost, almost feel his lips lingering on your earlobe. 

"we can play all night and make sweet music." you can feel his smile.

you ascended. jaws dropped, eyes popped out, cheeks blushed. you didn't remember if you passed out or dropped dead.

really, it's best to only pick battles you can win.

‎

━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━

ICEMAN

"iceman is it? you seem like a cool guy. i hope we can get along."

iceman knew you're a walking embodiment of a headache the moment you exchange names and shake each other's hands.

he still wonders why he still puts up with your shenanigans. or why he still agreed on helping you do combat practice and friendly spars. all the while trying to not accidentally stab or decapitate you, probably.

he watches you pat down your light bruises, making use of the momentary rest. objectively speaking, you are no weak opponent. sure, he can most likely kill you in your sleep. but at least not without some struggle in your part.

"this place is pretty neat for sparring. like a very comfy practice room," you comment, still holding the shoulder that might have a nasty bruise- or a sprain? he hopes not. iceman wonders if he threw you too hard just now.

"oh! speaking of," you suddenly turn to him, "are you a practice room? because i want you and i hope you're not taken."

mm, no. he really should've thrown you harder.

iceman, once again, questions why he puts up with you. both of you aren't even musicians and you manage to force that line into this context, and for what?

"..iceman?"

he remains passive.

"uh, please laugh?..at least?"

you made it a mental note to not mess with iceman again. poor guy. he still helps you patch up those sparing bruises though, so you should be good👍

‎

━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━

DOC

"sorry, can you help me? i think something's wrong with my eyes."

being sent to the battlefront is tough. guns and fists and knives don't exactly line up with an unscathed body. but you're tougher! and you have your reliable good friend, doc. iceman's training retinue polished you like a coarse diamond grinder, so doc didn't have to do much than patch up minor cuts and scratches.

doc decides to hold back his questions at your remark. instead, choosing to appraise your face- the eye you claim to be 'wrong'. there's a subtle crease on his brow as his hands frame your cheek, trying to observe visible damage on your eye.

of course. even the most skilled doctor wouldn't find anything. your eyes are fine.

"i think, i just can't take them off you." you wink.

doc tilts his head, then blinks.

ha! cute! yet, the silence is starting to get you ptsd from piano man and iceman. you hope it won't be the same case for this doctor man.

he finally nods, as if making up a decision. "does it feel numb? or is it painful?"

"no, i mean-"

"maybe something is wrong with your extraocular muscles. i can open it up and-"

"you know what, don't worry about it," you cut him off, rushing to swat away the current topic. "i think it just healed! that's amazing! i knew you're the best doctor one could ever ask for!"

haha yeah.. better be careful next time. getting your eyes dissected and cut open must not be fun.

‎

━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━

ALBATROSS

you're not saying you have a favorite in the flags, but you're saying you have a favorite in the flags, and that might or might not be albatross. (it's definitely albatross).

he is your true partner in crime, aiding you in your eternal quest to annoy every single living existence (especially chuuya, but don't tell him that). albatross isn't very keen on puns or pickup lines, but he picks up the habit as soon as you start greeting him with those daily doses of corniness.

"morning!" you send the energetic wheelman a lighthearted smile, waving as you pass by the hallways of the headquarters. 

"oh, mornin' [name]-"

"do you believe in love at first sight, or should i walk by again?" 

by normal standards, a person normally does not start their morning with a badly-placed and badly-formed, relatively corny pickup line. but abiding by normal standards isn't exactly how you roll, and neither does albatross. that moment marked the day the flags must put up with a brand new headache.

"i'm confused… i thought happiness started with an H, but mine seems to start with U."

"life without you is like a broken pencil... totally pointless."

"are you a camera? because every time I look at you, i smile."

"are you a loan? 'cause you've got my interest-"

"alright. i believe that's enough, you two." 

it takes piano man a lot to get him to lose his patience, and apparently, you've done abundant. don't worry about chuuya, the little precious bundle of rage is long gone. he knows better than to risk exhausting his voice or accidentally ransacking the whole hideout (lmao).

‎

━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━

ADAM FRANKENSTEIN

you are suffering from success. or winning from failure? these jokes and pickup lines became something of a second nature to your tongue. you can't even remember what you said to this robot- er, supercomputer agent adam frankenstein.

"oh. this is what humans call as puns, also known as paronomasia, a form of wordplay that exploits multiple meanings of a term, or of similar-sounding words, for an intended humorous effect."

"yeah-"

"but yours wasn't funny."

>:0

"w-well," you cough, recovering yourself. "funny isn't the only intention for that pun. it's a punny pick-up line."

adam nods.

"a pick-up line or chat-up line is a conversation opener with the intent of engaging a person for romance or dating. are you trying to woo me?"

:0

"w-wwwhat?"

so, a literal robot just pulled an uno reverse card on you. yet still, that's a good question. are you really trying to woo him? 

"i- i thought you'll start making one of those android jokes." you make an unsteady smile.

"my android jokes? of course. they have no slightest intention of expressing romantic expression, so i can make one for you if you wish so."

well. did this tin man just indirectly reject your yet-to-exist confession? 

"either way, I am flattered by your attempts. however, i'm afraid that it will be impossible. you are human and i am an autonomous humanoid supercomputer, the first to be used for law enforcement use, adam frankenstein-"

yep. the tin man just directly rejected your yet-to-exist confession. adam just woke up and chose violence. at this point, you're better off going home and curling up in your blanket with some sad love song playlist. you think chuuya winced and made a very pitiful expression for you. but you choose to mark that off as your imagination.

you're here to flex occasional puns and linguistic adeptness. you didn't come here to get yourself absolutely decimated. when life gives you lemons, well, try to not cry too hard..?

‎

━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━

PAUL VERLAINE

for a reason you can't fathom, you somehow end up in verlaine's, chuuya's, and adam's theater of bloodshed.

right here, right now, you're a vanguard on the battlefront. you shouldn't be thinking this. your chest hurts so bad from dodging verlaine's attacks, your limbs are aching from bruises and cuts, your head is spinning with adrenaline, and this french man right here is trying to kill you and kidnap your ginger friend.

but darn, he's fine- you slap yourself.

"you good?" chuuya rasps, struggling to make his step as he flanks your side.

"no, but-" verlaine flings another flying car at you, and muscle memory forces you both to flee from your position, escaping death by a grasp.

well.

this man is merciless, and *cough* attractive. had he not currently trying to throw cars at you, you'd take him to some nice cafe and start serenading him with, uh, sweet words. 

huh. might as well.

"damn sir, you have some killer moves!" you roar heartily, uncaring by the way chuuya is eyeing you like an incredulous mother daring her child to do something stupid. "i'd simply die to have you." you wink.

"[NAME], WHAT THE HELL?!"

in that split second, your words seem to catch verlaine in a trance. adam's fancy iron man laser beam almost grazes the french man's shoulder..somehow.

hey, that worked! :D 

[name] : chuuya, i think he's french.

chuuya : no shit-

[name] : i think eiffel for him.

chuuya:

‎

━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━

NAKAHARA CHUUYA

this is it. the curtain calls, and it's time to face the final boss. it's time to unleash the ultimate torment to this poor boy.

"woah, don't you look dapper? i always liked your fashion sense. it looks nice on you."

chuuya doesn't immediately answer, opting to silently trace the paved sidewalk you both are treading on. by all means, both of you have no trouble with resources that a personal car, or even a whole limousine won't be impossible. it's just that the moon shines beautifully that night, so you drag your grumpy friend for a breath of fresh air.

"but you know what you'll look better in?" you chuckle, following his steps. "my arms."

nothing. no reaction. no swatting your finger guns, no annoyed and incessant curses. chuuya treats you like a nonexistent ghost, until he halts and simply stares at you with an inexplicable expression.

"chuuya?" you falter, "did- did i go too far?- or did it finally get you? my jokes..?"

oh, it did get him. you got him.

he shifts closer to you, like he finally loses it and is about to choke you to death. but this feels different. there is no malice or raw anger in his movements. they feel.. heavy, tired. wordlessly, he leans his weight on your body, resting his forehead on your shoulder.

his breath is warm against your shoulder; the slight shudder from his long exhale stripped the corny jokes off your tongue.

"oh, chuuya.." you mirror him, putting your arms around him in a reassuring embrace. he is now here, in where you both want him to be: your arms.

some things come, and some things simply go. but some other things just don't change. chuuya is grateful that he can still hear your annoying jokes and lines, and that you are still by his side.

endnotes. man i wish I hadn't hit tumblr's 10 images cap. sorry adam, verlaine, and chuuya </3

(... sorry not sorry chuuya-)