#i can't stand reading it bc i want to throttle him

[chunkecheeks]

a poll about which is the worst required reading book pains my soul as someone who read classic lit for fun and enjoyed most of them but catcher in the rye winning for the worst so far is very gratifying

[johannestevans]

like of course izzy is in love with Edward and of course he's very attracted to him physically but I also think that if Edward kissed him at this point, having never done so before, Izzy would stand there dazed and then scramble desperately away

because I don't think Ed could, as of the end of S1, kiss him anything but tenderly. i don't think he could kiss him anything but gently, sweetly, and I don't think Izzy could handle that, physically.

he isn't a man accustomed to gentle touch, and I don't think he thinks he deserves it, but also he's just not physically CALLIBRATED for it. something frantic and overstimulating and rough I can see him forcing his touch-starved body through no matter how anxious or vulnerable sex and intimacy make him feel, but like-- that?

the instinct Ed has around sex snd intimacy right now, thinking of Stede? the gentleness, the way that his kisses can't possibly be a prelude to fucking or buggery or even a quick shag, but can ONLY be a prelude to making love?

it's not that izzy doesn't want that bc he's such a masochist, and while Izzy would SAY he doesn't want that bc it's not manly enough, it's not that either. deep down, he knows he doesn't deserve it, not from Ed, not from anybody - and physically, he literally couldn't handle it. he'd be liable to combust if he tried to withstand it, and it not, he'd shake or burst into tears or whatever, and he couldn't bear to do that in front of Ed and let him see just how pathetic izzy is

and from Ed's POV like. Izzy could not communicate any of the above under pain of execution, and Ed is not exactly great at reading Izzy's anxieties or his fears even when Izzy DOES explicitly communicate them

so like, fuck. the rejection he feels when he kisses Izzy after a long day when he feels at his worst and just needs something, needs someone there, and Izzy's always been here, and he can trust Izzy, and he means to be rough and to demand it from him, but as soon as their lips touch all he can think of is that he's so tired of being hungry, so tired of devouring everyone that crosses his path? he just wants to love and be loved, to embrace and be embraced?

so shoving izzy against a wall and swallowing his desperate whimper with a clash of lips and teeth, but then gentling, cupping Izzy's throat instead of throttling it, caressing his hair instead of pulling it - -

and seeing Izzy scramble away from him, somehow more fucking terrified of Ed just KISSING him, Ed LOVING him (even as substitute for someone else), than he ever could of Ed threatening some awful torture or manner of death?

oh the biggest fucking ouch. the BIG GEST