#i can't believe that butchered character (who was never arya from second one on screen) is what most people idea of arya stark is...

[dingoes8myrp]

Mom and I React to Game of Thrones 5x09

I'm typing these with my eyes on the TV screen. I'm aware there are typos and I'm butchering names, but paying attention to the show has become more important now that I haven't seen these episodes before. And googling to make sure I typed the name of a character or a city right is leading to accidental spoilers, so I've stopped doing that. Enjoy!

Before the show

Screencap of Melisandre

Mom: "This is unreal. She wants him to kill his daughter."

Me: "And he told her to go fuck herself, basically."

-

Recap

Hardhome

Mom: "This was so crazy!"

Ramsay: "I don't need an army. I need twenty good men."

Mom: "Good, he's gonna leave. She can go light her candle."

Me: "If she's allowed to leave her goddamn chambers."

-

Melisandre

Mom: "She's gonna kill the daughter."

Tents start to randomly light on fire.

Mom: "What the hell?!"

Mom: "She's doing it!"

Davos: "Twenty men..."

Me: "RAMSAY!"

Mom: "What?"

Me: "Remember he said 'I need twenty good men?'"

Mom: "OH!"

-

Jon and the wildlings head toward the gate to the wall

Me: "They're not gonna let him in. Or they're gonna murder him. He left too many people there that didn't like what he was doing."

Alliser looks down from the top of the wall

Mom: "Fuck."

Me: "Look at them all."

Mom: "Jon's like 'fuck.'"

Mom: "Open the gates."

Giant ducks in

Mom: "Look at them all looking."

Me: "Because most of them didn't think giants were real."

Alliser walks up to Jon

Mom: "Tell him about the white walkers!"

-

Stannis commands Davos go back to Castle Black

Me: "He's sending him away for a reason."

Mom: "Because he's gonna kill his daughter."

-

Jamie sits down with Doran

Ellaria glares

Me: "Oh, this bitch."

Ellaria pours her wine out instead of toasting Tommen

Me: "Oh, can someone kill this bitch already? I hate her. She's not even cunning."

Tristayne: "I'll release your man on one condition."

Me and Mom: "Uh-oh."

They release Bronn

Me: "He's gotta marry someone or something."

Dude elbows Bronn in the jaw

Mom: "Hah! Whack him back!"

-

Arya sees Meryn get out of the boat

Me: "Ohhh that guy's on her list!"

Mom: "She's gonna fail her mission."

Me: "Oh, that doesn't look suspicious. Just roll into a brothel with your oyster cart."

Meryn surveys the girls

Meryn: "Too old."

Me: "Eww."

Me: "Even his buddies are looking like 'Um... dude?'"

Meryn spots Arya

Mom: "Oh, she has to kill him."

Me: "He knows who she is."

Mom: "Are you sure he doesn't just want to bang her?"

-

Doran: (to Ellaria) "You can swear your allegiance to me now, or you can die."

Me: "Finally."

Doran: "I believe in second chances. I don't believe in third chances."

Me: "Uuuugh."

I really can't stand her. She's barely a character and she's annoying.

Ellaria: "I know your daughter had no part in what happened to the man I love. Perhaps even you are innocent of that."

Me: "The fuck's that supposed to mean?"

Mom: "That she's not going to do anything to them?"

-

Stannis visits Shireen

Mom: "Oh dear God."

Stannis: "Sometimes a person has to choose. Sometimes the world forces his hand."

Mom: "Oh God, no."

Shireen: "I want to help."

Me: "I hope something goes terribly wrong and everyone but her dies."

Shireen stops walking

Mom: "She just realized what's happening. Oh, God."

Me: "Ohgodno ohgodno."

Me: "I hope it goes wrong and they die."

Selyse runs to the pyre

Me: "Oh, she's going! Her fucking brainwashing finally wore off. WHERE THE FUCK WERE YOU TEN MINUTES AGO?!"

Me: "Really?!!! All those men are just gonna fucking stand there?"

I'm disgusted

-

The Great Games

Me: "It's like the old Greek colosseum."

Mom: "Well, it's like basketball for them. Their sport."

Me: "Why does it have to be 'to the death?'"

Mom: "Is it to the death?!"

Me: "Yes! That's why she doesn't like it!"

Jorah enters the pit

Daenerys: *claps*

Me: "She wants you dead, fuckface."

Mom: (on Tyrion) "He likes his friend. He doesn't want his friend to die."

Me: "It's the only way he can get in front of her."

Mom: "'I'll kill for you, I'll die for you, I'll do anything for you.'"

Me: "Well, he's gonna die anyway. He has the greyscale."

Jorah takes a beating

Mom: "Oh Jesus Christ."

Jorah hums a spear into the crowd and stabs a Harpy

Me: "OH FUCK!"

Mom: "He tried to kill her?!"

Me: "No, the dude BEHIND her was trying to kill her."

Mom: "I thought the fights were gonna stop this!"

Me: "So did she. 'Cause this asshole right here--OH!" ('Cause that asshole right there just got stabbed to death)

Jorah fights his way up to save Daenerys and everyone just looks at each other

Me: "Awkward."

Harpys surround them all

Me: "She needs a weapon! Why does Dany never have a--"

Dragon screech

Mom: "DRAGON! YES!"

Me: "'SURPRISE, MUTHAFUCKAAAS!'"

Mom: "And he knows who to kill and who not to."

Me: "Haha these assholes forgot she had dragons."

Mom: "She's gonna get on him."

Me: "No she's-- Oh."

And then I was pretty much Tyrion for the rest of that scene