#i can tell you for a fact safe & sound taylor's version was not released in 2021 with red tv! don't lie to me!

[zukkaoru]

safe & sound - taylor swift || jujutsu kaisen

[id in alt text]

[taylorswiftstan4ever]

Thursday, September 17, 2020

Hi Taylor,

So as my last ever ranking, I put together all of the rankings I did for your eight masterpiece studio albums, as well as songs you wrote for other artists, songs you were featured on, and songs that you released that were not on your studio albums. I omitted covers for the purpose of these rankings, even though your covers are always top-notch.

Some people are bound to disagree with my ranking, but it is based on my own preference during my current mood. In fact, some of the tracks are listed in different order here than they are in the studio album rankings simply because my rank changes depending on the moment. Anyway, this was definitely the hardest one so far and thankfully, the last. So here we go…

157. Half of My Heart - John Mayer **I'll be honest...I really like this song with your vocals, but since I can no longer listen to it without thinking about how the relationship behind it ended up, I put it last***

156. Christmas Must Be Something More

155. Girl at Home

154. How You Get the Girl

153. Untouchable

152. Sweeter Than Fiction

151. So It Goes...

150. Don’t Blame Me

149. You Are in Love

148. I Think He Knows

147. Highway Don't Care - Tim McGraw ***Love your vocals on this one***

146. ME!

145. SuperStar

144. Wonderland

143. It's Nice To Have A Friend

142. Only The Young

141. Beautiful Ghosts

140. Eyes Open

139. I’m Only Me When I’m With You

138. The Moment I Knew

137. Long Live

136. This Is We Can’t Have Nice Things

135. The Outside

134. Both of Us

133. London Boy

132. Innocent

131. Shake It Off

130. I Know Places

129. Ours

128. Come In With the Rain

127. The Other Side of the Door

126. Jump Then Fall

125. King of My Heart

124. ...Ready For It?

123. A Perfectly Good Heart

122. Cold as You

121. The Man

120. Welcome to New York

119. Mean

118. Stay Beautiful  

117. The Lucky One

116. Look What You Made Me Do

115. The Best Day

114. Mary’s Song (Oh My My My)

113. Out of The Woods

112. New Romantics

111. Breathe

110. Tell Me Why

109. You'll Always Find Your Way Back Home - Miley Cyrus ***I would love to hear you perform this to see what your take on it was when you wrote it***

108. Change

107. Come Back...Be Here

106. If This Was a Movie

105. This Is What You Came For- Rihanna ***I love Rihanna, but I also really love the videos of you performing this live and am so happy that you are finally getting the writing credit you deserve***

104. Holy Ground

103. Stay Stay Stay

102. Superman

101. Christmas Tree Farm

100. Miss Americana & The Heartbreak Prince

99. Treacherous

98. Sparks Fly

97. Never Grow Up

96. I Almost Do

95. All You Had To Do Was Stay

94. Haunted

93. False God

92. Better than Revenge

91. Fearless

90. I Forgot That You Existed

89. End Game

88. Our Song

87. Starlight

86. Tied Together with a Smile

85. Babe – Sugarland ***I LIVE for the concert videos of you performing it***

84. I Heart ? ***This song NEEDS to be on Spotify***

83. peace

82. the lakes

81. Safe & Sound

80. Sad Beautiful Tragic

79. State of Grace

78. The Last Time

77. I Don't Wanna Live Forever

76. A Place in the World

75. Red

74. Gorgeous

73. seven

72. epiphany

71. mirrorball

70. Paper Rings

69. I Wish You Would

68. Christmases When You Were Mine

67. You Need To Calm Down

66. The Story of Us

65. You’re Not Sorry

64. Invisible

63. Clean

62. illicit affairs

61. Style

60. Bad Blood

59. Call It What You Want

58. mad woman

57. the 1

56. Dress

55. Two Is Better Than One

54. Everything Has Changed

53. Dancing With Our Hands Tied

52. Beautiful Eyes

51. Enchanted

50. Daylight

49. Speak Now

48. Better Man - Little Big Town ***I usually listen to the version of you performing this at the Bluebird Cafe because I can hear how you envisioned it when you wrote it, but I still love LBT's version too***

47. the last great american dynasty

46. Hey Stephen

45. I Did Something Bad

44. hoax

43. The Way I Loved You

42. Best Days of Your Life - Kellie Pickler ***Love your vocals on this one***

41. Picture to Burn

40. I Knew You Were Trouble

39. Afterglow

38. Lover

37. august

36. cardigan

35. 22

34. Forever & Always

33. Mine

32. invisible string

31. Should’ve Said No

30. Today Was A Fairytale

29. Cruel Summer

28. Love Story

27. Cornelia Street

26. You Belong With Me

25. Dear John

24. this is me trying

23. Crazier

22. White Horse

21. Tim McGraw

20. Death By A Thousand Cuts

19. Wildest Dreams

18. The Archer

17. We Are Never Ever Getting Back Together

16. my tears ricochet

15. Delicate

14. Last Kiss

13. New Years Day

12. Begin Again

11. exile

10. Blank Space

9. betty

8. This Love

7. Getaway Car

6. Back To December

5. Teardrops on My Guitar

4. Fifteen

3. Ronan

2. Soon You’ll Get Better

1. All Too Well

Alright. Now that the rankings are done, I can start doing way less stressful posts haha As always I hope that you and your family are safe and healthy.

Sincerely,

Holly

@taylorswift

@taylornation

[angrylizardjacket]

the in between moments {Ben Hardy/Reader/Roger Taylor}

Summary: A few moments from the reader's pregnancy, and a few moments after.

A/N: 2664 words. (the writing demon holding my eyes open as I try to sleep: just because you closed your laptop doesn't mean you're free from me.) Anyways I wrote this on my phone and now it's 4am. A bit angsty but happy ending.

It turns into a waiting game, and none of you like to talk about it. It's easy, at first, to pretend like the universe is humouring you; the three of you invest in a bigger apartment, something closer to town with another bedroom, not that you all didn't love the little flat you and Ben had been sharing since the start of all this, but it was too cosy for a family, you all decided.

Family; how strange that word sounded as you turned it over in your mind. It was, of course, inevitable for Roger, he's got his real children - but what made them any more real than yours? - not that it matters to your version of him, at this point in time he's just as in the dark as you and Ben are. For all your sakes you find it easiest to stay out of the spotlight. The moment you start showing, you quit your job; your current co-workers were well aware of your romantic entanglements, more than once Roger's latest Instagram post had been the subject of on set gossip, the type that always went quiet and giggly the moment you entered the vicinity making it so clear they'd just been talking about you. They didn't need to know about this. Ben promises to help you get your job back if you want it after the baby's born, and you say you'll consider it, but for now you enjoy the relative peace.

Ben takes Roger to red carpet events and when the press speculate about the state of your relationship, Roger actually manages to hold in his fury, though there's a few photos with him in the background with his hand clenched so tightly it's painful and white knuckled.

When he flops beside you on the sofa, forgoing the after party for the awards show, still riled up from the comment, part of him needs some small reassurance from you. Ben's still at the party, getting drunk with his costars and messaging that he loves you both and that he hopes Rog got home safe. Roger, for his part, is sulking beside you, still mostly in his suit with his bowtie undone, the whole look doing very Unholy things to you in your hormonal state. It takes him a bit to actually admit what's wrong, he's champagne tipsy from the event and he's distracted by the YouTube documentary you'd been playing in the background, but then your lips are pressed to his jaw, softly asking what's wrong as you're unbuttoning his shirt and he's filled with conflicting emotions.

There's no hesitation in him as he lays you back against the plush sofa, but there is hesitation when he comes to rest his hand on the gentle swell of your stomach, your old, ratty singlet riding up to expose a sliver of your skin. He doesn't say it, doesn't know how, the anxiety the reporter had brought out in his leading to a great that somehow held his vocal cords hostage. Despite this, you know what he needs to hear.

"I love you, Rog," and your voice, like your hand where it comes to rest on his, is gentle, "and you clean up real nice." With a smirk, your gaze drifts down his well tailored but vaguely disheveled suit ensemble, and you actually bite your lip. He wants to make a wise crack about your outfit of choice, a singlet that was practically falling apart and a pair of cotton pyjamas shorts that you used to complain about being too big for you, but seeing you here, like this, with his hand on your pregnant belly, he thinks you look absolutely stunning.

When he kisses you, you're grinning. Ben gets some very interesting and very lewd pictures that night, though you're both asleep and rather fucked out by the time he gets home, he knows you both well enough to see the images as a promise rather than just mere teasing.

Both of them come to your doctor's appointment when they can; the only had experience the three of you have, though you're not even sure if the boys even notice, is when the ultrasound technician starts giving you these weirdly judgey looks when she realises that you don't technically know who the father is.

"He's got your melon alright," Roger grins, leaning forward as he looks between the screen and Ben, eyes shining with amusement. Ben snorts.

"You're blind, babe, and so's that kid if those eyes keeping looking so much like yours," with a smirk he turns to the politely confused nurse, "do they all look like aliens at this stage or is that just Rog's genes?" And his gaze slid to where you were struggling not to laugh at their antics, his own smile endeared at the sight of your joy.

"No, that's all you and your fat head, if anyone's got alien genes it's you," Roger shoved at his shoulders before wrapping his arm around a now laughing Ben. "Maybe it's Y/N."

"I mean the kid's definitely got her nose." It's the quickest and first thing they've agreed on about the baby since seeing the ultrasound. After your laughter has died down, you see the technician's expression. The boys don't notice, well maybe they think she's a little catty when she says the alien look is pretty universal at this stage, that genetics tend not to play a factor just yet, but the way she's regarding you makes you feel so small and a bit shameful. Which is fucked, you contemplate upon leaving, you've worked hard to earn a comfortable life with the men you love, and no bitchass sonographer is going to make you feel bad for that.

When you tell the boys back at home, they're quick to agree, to physically remind you of the love that you've earned.

The nickname for the baby is technically Joe's fault, he calls the baby Billie, since Ben almost exclusively referred to it as 'The Kid'. Ben picks it up first, starts saying Billie the Kid, before you all just start shortening the joke to Billie.

Before they're even born, the kid has a number of nicknames, your favourites being Billie Goat, Billiam, and Bandit, though that last ones only for when they're kicking hard or leaning directly on your bladder. It takes until you're all arguing about whether or not to put the kid's name on the door for you all to finally talk about actually naming them. All of you have suggestions, of course, ideas for names that somehow just don't fit right. You bring up the idea of waiting to actually see the baby to get a feel for the name, but it still doesn't feel right.

"What if we just name them Billie?" Ben breaks the silence, and Roger is quick to him with agreement. You'd been calling the baby they for so long in your mind that at this point everything else felt unnatural.

"What if they want to become a lawyer or something equally dreadful?" Roger asks, and you can't help but laugh at that.

"Well then we give them a fancier name on paper, but they'll be our Billie." You assure, voice dropping to a coo as you rest a hand on your rather large baby bump, as if assuring your unborn child.

Last names are a whole other argument.

Briellen Taylor-Jones was born three weeks premature, and with hey umbilical cord around her neck, and so you'd had enough time to concede on the last name debate, but not enough time to pick a middle name amid your panic. The first time you really get to hold her is a few days after she's born; she's been in an incubator and you've mostly been also, but in your arms she's smaller than a loaf of bed, and sleeping soundly.

"This-" when the nurse had first passed her to you, both boys had been there, looking so proud it almost hurt. You couldn't stop smiling, overwhelmed with joy, tears in your eyes, "this is our little Bandit, huh?" You ask softly, shifting as best you can to make room for both Ben and Roger on the little hospital bed. "Billie the Kid- our kid." You correct, and hold her close to your chest as tears of joy and exhaustion and of overwhelming cathartic release of the past eight months finally escape you. Both of your men wrap their arms around you, Roger's head on your side and Ben pressing a kiss to your temple. With contentment in your heart, you think that Freddie said it best; no motherfucker in the universe is going to upset it.

But it's still a waiting game until you forget what you're waiting for, and that's when the universe takes back what it did give so freely. This is all you can think when days later, a week after Billie's been born, Roger's gone.

You weep at the irony, but mostly because his absence hurt so fucking much.

He goes back to the mid-Seventies and is blissfully unaware; Queen are blowing up, he tours and he fucks around and he sees John's baby for the first time and his heart fucking aches for reasons he's not quite sure of.

In the present, you and Ben... well it's hard. A few weeks after Roger leaves and you find yourself in a doctor's office being told you have post partum depression. Ben still works a lot, not because he wants to, he'd much rather be helping you with Billie, but he's still under contract.

And then there's Billie.

Nothing, not your hormone imbalance brain, not the disappearance of one of your partner's, not even the fact that you have to spend time without her whenever you even just have to run to the shops, leaving her with Ben; none of that could stop you and Ben from loving her more. She's got Ben's smile, and your nose, but somehow, apart from the colour which is all yours, she's got Roger's eyes, you'd both know them anywhere.

Billie Meddows Taylor-Jones is treated like a princess, and counselling really helps you, and Ben takes time off, and it's jarring to realise, just shy of her first birthday, that at this point you're just a happy family. It hurts, at first, Roger's still meant to be here, meant to be part of this, and you know when he comes back - because he will, he has to - he'll fit right in where he belongs with you and Ben. And then it hurts less and less, because his return is inevitable and Ben love you, and you both still love Roger, and you know that he's going to love and adore Billie when he meets her.

When Roger wakes in the future in the park next, and it's always some grubby, urban park that's littered with cigarette butts, he lets himself get his bearings before his whole world comes crashing down around him. He doesn't know the year, is too afraid to check, just sprints to where he hopes you still live; the flat you had bought together.

Your names are on the list of buzzers, and he presses it and waits with baited breath. When your voice crackles over the speakers, tentatively asking who it is, all he needs to say is two words.

"I'm back."

He's not sure what he's expecting on the eighth floor, but when he knocks, he hears footsteps and then hesitation. You open the door slowly, hesitantly, and he hates the expression that you wear whenever he comes back, like you can't quite believe he's real. But then his gaze slips to the toddler in your arms and oh fuck he's been gone for so long.

"Ben's at the shops." Is the first thing you say and he wants to kiss you so bad, but he's absolutely frozen, just gazing in the awe at the little girl frowning with intensity up at him. "Hey Bandit, do you recognise him?" You asked gently, voice light though you're already sniffling with tears. The girl - Bandit, Billie, his Billie - reaches up like she's holding something, wiggling her thumbs, and you laugh softly, "that's right, he is from mummy's phone, do you know who he is?" You asked fondly, and Roger's heart is in his throat as the little girl's whole face lights up as she looks to you for confirmation.

"Daddy!"

It takes all of Roger's self control not to swear in front of- in front of his daughter. It's as if you can see him repress the urge and you look both thankful and amused.

"That's right, that's your daddy." You say gently, and immediately the little girl reaches out insistently for Roger, frowning and frustrated when he just looks back at her, beaming with tears in his eyes. When she makes an angry noise you finally chuckle, gesturing him forward, and he complies. Grinning, quietly laughing, he obliges the demanding little girl when she reaches for his face. Far more pleased, she pats his head with determination.

"Luh-vu much!" She says brightly, before kissing his forehead. Roger just looks up at you, eyes wide and adoring and confused. Billie looks very pleased with herself.

You invite Roger in, and Billie scampers back to where she's got a tea party set up, and you and Roger curl up on the sofa to watch as she builds a whole universe in her mind. It feels like nothing's changed. When he asks quietly about what had happened at the door, you pull your phone from your pocket and he drapes an arm around you, pulling you close to better see the screen. When it lights up, your lock screen shows a photo of you Ben and Roger from a few years ago.

"Billie likes to ask about who people are, especially in photos, and we have lots of you around because of course," Roger presses a kiss to your temple at that, you let yourself sink into his embrace, just a little more, "and so whenever she asked about you, we'd always," you choked up a little at the memory, looking at Billie rather than Roger, "we'd always tell her that that was her daddy, and that he loved her very much, and then she'd get a kiss on the forehead." You laughed gently, and Roger swore gently under his breath, unable to help himself, unable to react in any other way.

"My kid, my daughter." He half laughed, Billie was almost the spitting image of you, and he already adored her.

When Ben gets home, Roger practically bolts at him once Ben's put down the groceries. Ben actually spins him, kisses him so passionately when he puts Roger back down that it might have made you blush if they weren't also both yours, though the moment is broken by the patter of Billie's eager footsteps as she joins the men, hitting at Ben's thigh.

"Spin!" She cries, and Ben steps back from Roger, elated to oblige his little girl. Roger's heart aches at the sight of Ben's smile, knowing just how much he's missed, but then Billie's reaching out for him, asking him to spin her too, so young and bright and she loves and trusts him already because both you and Ben had made sure he'd fit right back in to your family.

"Hey Bandit, guess what." He grinned once he'd stopped spinning her, and she gave him a bright, curious look. "I love you very much," he announced brightly, before pressing an obnoxiously loud kiss to her forehead, and she was giggling loudly, a sound fondly reminiscent of you, before she repeated the gesture back to him. He looks over to where Ben's joined you, both standing by the couch, both looking a little like you can't believe your eyes, but it's good this time. None of you can stop smiling.

[miraculousmidnightreviews]

There will definitely be an explanation for my review of reputation

Album: reputation 

Artist: Taylor Swift Rating: 5/5 stars

I would first like to preface this review with one fact: reputation is my favorite album by Taylor Swift. It should be noted that I did not rate this album based on the average of each individual song rating. (If I did, the actual album rating would be 4.5 stars.) But I felt that this album deserved more. So much more.

What I admire most about reputation is its honest introspectiveness. I think it’s safe to say that no one predicted this album to be The Next Taylor Swift Album. The lead single is distinctly not like previous Swift singles, providing an unexpectedly darker side to Swift. And the album cover is devoid of Swift’s usual bright or pastel colors. Yet what people brushed off as a risky and failed move designed to turn around Swift’s career, her reputation, became the most truthful album of her discography. 

At this point, whether you’re a fan of Swift or not, you can’t doubt her abilities. She knows how to create chart-topping hits; she knows how to pen heart-wrenching ballads; she’s done it before. And she’ll continue to do so for the rest of her career. But reputation was never meant to be the next 1989, the next record-breaking financial success (although it was to some extent). This album was meant to be something else entirely: an admittedly risky exploration that only Swift could pull off. 

And I respect that immensely. This album is honest, and it’s brave. It might not be her most sonically cohesive or lyrically complex album, but it wins anyways. I love that the songs are in chronological order as they pertain to Swift’s life, and while that means it can be hard to listen to the songs without skipping around, the album itself is a journey through Swift’s year of solitude, through her mind space and blossoming relationship, through her life away from the eyes of the public and the media. To me, it’s clear Swift wrote reputation not because she needed to stick to her schedule of releasing an album every other year, but because she just needed to cope with events in her life. I appreciate that maybe even more than the honesty: that Swift wrote this album because she needed it; she wrote it for herself and no one else.

In anticipation of Lover coming out on Aug. 23, I will be reviewing each of Swift’s albums up until the forthcoming album’s release. I can’t wait to listen to new TS music, and I hope these reviews will provide a wistful and refreshing glance at past eras as we look forward to a brand new one.

Continue reading below for my review of each individual song.

1) ...Ready For it?

Rating: 4/5 stars

*clears throat*

At first listen, I was unsure of the mix of rap and singing. But it’s now one of the songs from this album that I play when I’m in That Mood™.

Did I mention Taylor raps?!?

The pre-chorus is so “Wildest Dreams”-esque that I can’t. I just can’t. (Also, sexy!)

That Elizabeth Taylor reference!!! I love it when artists make pop culture references in their works. It gives me a dopamine rush.

As always, it’s nice to hear Swift play with the perception of herself. She’s just so great at turning her reputation as portrayed by the media into a clever and witty line or song.

i’M So vERy TAme nOW (Sarcasm on point. She did that.)

2) End Game (feat. Future & Ed Sheeran)

4/5 stars

Taylor raps! Pt. 2

BIG REPUTATION

I love the features on this one, and I’m very surprised by Future. But that’s Taylor Swift, keeping us on our toes.

This song includes the first of many references to alcohol from this album. A first for Swift, but all those who are surprised need to grow the fuck up. Because Swift certainly did.

Also, notice “End Game” has the first mention of gold, a motif that will continue throughout the album.

3) I Did Something Bad

Rating: 5/5 stars

Probably my favorite song from this album. The live performance was also my favorite of hers. 

badass vibes all the way

IF A MAN TALKS SHIT THEN I OWE HIM NOTHING

I am absolutely in love with the feminist-y witch metaphor in the bridge. Iconic.

Also cool that Swift was inspired by Game of Thrones for this and other songs from this album.

4) Don’t Blame Me

Rating: 5/5 stars

All the gospel feels

TAKE ME TO CHURCH, TAYLOR!!!

THAT high note

Once again, the honesty

5) Delicate

Rating: 5/5 stars

When the album first came out, this was the song that I immediately played the most and connected to. I just adore how she was able to take these universal feelings and put them into a song that anyone just starting a relationship can relate to.

The music video is so underrated. It’s so cute and happy and I just love it and her so much.

1 2 3, LET’S GO BITCH!!!!!!

The repetition of “isn’t it?” to reflect anxiety is, once again, an example of Swift’s lyrical genius.

6) Look What You Made Me Do

Rating: 4/5 stars

YOU’LL ALL GET YOURS

A lot of people did not like this song when it first came out and some still don’t. I happen to like it a lot. While the chorus is not my favorite, the verses bite with amazing zingers and that’s what hooks me.

I think when everyone first heard this song, we assumed the rest of the album would sound similarly: dark and filled with vengeance. But with the exception of a few songs, I would consider reputation to be one of Swift’s happiest albums. There are certainly dark overtones, but at its heart, reputation is an album about love and acceptance in the aftermath of Swift’s metaphorical death. If you consider 1989 for comparison, the composition of its songs (and even the album cover) present a romantic and hopeful facade, when actually, many songs have depressing lyrics about the fate of romantic relationships.

The bridge is so reminiscent of the bridge from Blank Space in a way. They give me similar vibes, except LWYMMD’s is the follow-up to that of Blank Space.

This song has one of my favorite music videos ever. I love when artists tell stories through their music videos, and Swift never fails at storytelling. (Also, a fantastic lyric video!)

7) So It Goes…

Rating: 2.5/5 stars

I feel like this song embodies what everyone expected from this album at first glance: dark, techno pop.

This one doesn’t really do much for me, but I enjoy the extended metaphor of the magician. 

Too much techno, in my opinion.

But sexyyy—“scratches down your back”

8) Gorgeous

Rating: 3.5/5 stars

This song gives me old Taylor vibes, just with a new production.

“Gorgeous” does such an excellent job at conveying the thoughts and feelings surrounding first attraction between two people.

“I guess I’ll just stumble on home to my cats.” Relatable.

Give the original lyrics a listen from Swift’s the making of a song video. They’re heartbreaking.

9) Getaway Car

Rating: 5/5 stars

Now this bitch is DEFINITELY old Taylor storytelling at its finest.

That Tale of Two Cities reference!

THat BRidGE!!!

“And a circus ain’t a love story. And now we’re both sorry.”

Just the complexity of feelings portrayed in this song is utter perfection.

Bonnie & Clyde!!!

This is one of those classic Taylor songs that you turn all the way up while driving down the highway at 70 miles per hour, screaming at the top of your lungs. GO GO GO!!

(not that I’ve ever done that. I follow all speed limits :))

10) King of My Heart

Rating: 4.5/5 stars

The only reason this song doesn’t get 5 stars is because I could have done without the added production (less techno plz).

The beginning always gets me. This and ���Call it What You Want” have the saddest beginning lines on the album.

Overall, this is just cute af. Pure fluff.

“jAguARs”

The drums on tour were a wonderful bonus.

Also, the bridge. Swift writes some damn good bridges on this album and just in general.

11) Dancing With Our Hands Tied

Rating: 2.5/5 stars

This song, like “So it Goes…,” doesn’t really do much for me, even though it seems to be a fan favorite. I really preferred the acoustic version of this that she played on tour.

But I appreciate the versatility of her song topics as well as her voice.

12) Dress

Rating: 5/5 stars

First reaction while listening to this song: OMG TAYLOR!!! sexyyyyyy

Her voice *heart eyes*

The pre-chorus is so much fun to sing!!!

“I’m spilling wine in the bathtub” gives me high school party vibes for some reason lol

13) This is Why We Can’t Have Nice Things

Rating: 4/5 stars

I really love everything about this song, except for the chorus. It just wasn’t as fun to sing along to as the rest of the song. (Although purposefully making it sound childish was an effective way to get her point across).

 That Gatsby reference!

love Love LOVE the tongue-in-cheek attitude

She missed the parties :(

14) Call It What You Want

Rating: 5/5 stars

so soft & pure

A recovery song is what we really deserve. I love that Taylot took this time for herself.

My heart just bursts when I hear this song. 

That feminist bridge tho—a mature and fulfilling continuation of “Love Story” in a way

15) New Year’s Day

5/5 stars

Bittersweet—the perfect closing song to this album

This song perfectly showcases Swift’s heartachingly beautiful songwriting talent. 

“please don’t ever become stranger whose laugh I recognize anywhere” really gets me.

With this conclusive song, I can say that Taylor Swift is truly happy and okay. And I’m so proud.

Thanks for reading! I hope you enjoyed this review! Check out other reviews here!

[kimnamjooonz]

Blank Space - Episode 8

How You get The Girl

Introducing in this Episode:

Thirteen the floofball:

Songs that inspired this chapter:

How You Get The Girl: Taylor Swift

Blank space - Taylor Swift

Africa - Toto

''I want you for worst and for better, I would wait forever and ever, your broken heart I'll put it back together.''

Morgan and Sebastian walked two steps out of Madison Square Garden and the magic was over. Or maybe they just stopped pretending that they liked each other. They were walking towards Sebastian's car, as far from each other as they could. He unlocked the car and Morgan got in immediately. Both of them wanted to get the business done, once and for all. Sebastian was relieved that at least Morgan wasn't listening to music and isolating herself from the situation. But she wasn't saying anything and the silence between them spoke louder than words. Sebastian was defeated. For a moment he thought that they had finally made some progress but it was obvious that nothing had changed. A bit angry he turned on the car radio and Taylor Swift's Blank Space started playing. If he were alone he'd have probably changed the station. But he left it on. Taylor Swift's music somehow matched this situation. And Morgan was definitely a nightmare dressed like a daydream, Chace had been right with that. Morgan was having a hard time trying not to sing the lyrics out loud. But not for a million dollars she was going to give Sebastian Stan the satisfaction of looking happy in front of him. It wasn't as if suddenly they had became BBF's and everything was sunshine and unicorns between them. They had said quite nasty things to each other and they were way too proud to forget about that. Or at least Morgan was. She was still mad at him for calling her 'overnight success.' So it's gonna be forever, or it's gonna go down in flames, you can tell me when it's over, if the high is worth the pain, got a long list of ex lovers, they'll tell you I'm insane, 'cause they know I love the players and you'll love the game. 'Cause we're young and we're reckless and we take this way too far, it can leave you breathless and with a nasty scar, got a long list of ex lovers, they'll tell you I'm insane, but I've got a blank space, baby, and I'll write your name. Morgan wanted to flung herself out of the car. This damned lyrics, that she knew by heart, were more relatable than ever. Except from the part of the long list of ex lovers. Morgan had a question in her mind: was the high worth the pain? If Sebastian Stan was involved, yes, it was worth all the pain in the world. The only thing he wasn't worthy of, was her career. She'd gladly take the rest. But having these thoughts when the guy in question was right next to her, was another level of reckless. Sebastian was having similar thoughts. He'd take all the nasty scars in the world for a chance with Morgan Llewellyn. At that moment he didn't even care that he had a girlfriend. It was all about Morgan. And Taylor Swift was right: she had already left him breathless. When the song ended they were left with an almost unbearable tension. The only thing she wanted at that moment was him to stop the car, grab her face and kiss her senseless. Or even better, he could take her to his apartment (or a hotel room, Morgan didn't mind that at the moment) and make her his for the whole night. They didn't even need to talk, just release the almost unbearable tension between them. Of course that this was not going to happen, even though Sebastian wanted exactly the same. Luckily for both of them Africa by Toto started playing and it cooled them down a bit. Not even they knew how close they had been to do something they were going to regret. ''Can I turn up the volume?'' he asked, by the sound of his voice everything was okay. ''I really like this song.'' ''Do what you want. Is your car.'' She was never going to admit that she liked the song too. Yeah, maybe the song had been released ten years before she was born and probably Sebastian himself was just a newborn when the it was on fashion but it was one of those immortal songs that everybody knew. Like Bohemian Rhapsody, Satisfaction or Hey Jude. Without realizing, they were both belting out the chorus, like in a cheap version of James Corden's Carpool Karaoke. ''IT'S GONNA TAKE A LOT TO TAKE ME AWAY FROM YOU, THERE'S NOTHING THAT A HUNDRED MEN OR MORE COULD EVER DO, I BLESS THE RAINS DOWN IN AFRICA, GONNA TAKE SOME TIME TO DO THE THINGS WE NEVER HAAAAAAD''. What Taylor and Emily, Damien Chazelle, a whole cast, Madison Square Garden and the New York Knicks couldn't fix between Morgan and Sebastian, apparently Africa by Toto could. They were singing as if they were old friends and for the minutes that the song lasted, they were having the time of their lives. They were not going to admit it but neither of them wanted the song to end. But it ended. And when that happened they burst out laughing like maniacs. They just couldn't stop. Sebastian wondered if he was going insane. One moment they were angry at each other, then they were immersed into an overwhelming sexual tension and at the next moment they were belting out Africa by Toto. ''Sorry for that'' she suddenly said, suddenly regaining her composure. ''Don't worry. It was great. I didn't know you could sing.'' he didn't know why he was starting a conversation with her. ''There are many things you don't know, Stan.'' ''Am I ever going to find them out?'' he had no idea why he was getting into her game. And it was clearly a game, Morgan's smirk revealed that. ''That depends on you. If you want to find them out or not.'' And he wanted. He really wanted to find out everything she could about her. He wanted to get to know the enigmatic Morgan Llewellyn from inside and out. He was perfectly aware that this was going to take some time, but he could wait. ''I do'' he said with all seriousness. She looked through the window. They were reaching her apartment block. Perfect. She'd provide Sebastian a couple of insignificant facts about her and leave him wanting more. ''My favourite colour is yellow and I love spaghetti.'' Sebastian didn't know if she was mocking him or not. Probably she was. ''Just that?'' ''What else did you want?'' she was using the irritable tone she usually used with him. ''My credit card number? My address in Wales? My fears and phobias?'' ''I don't know, something more substantial than your favourite colour.'' Morgan was getting on his nerves again. ''Whatever'' she got off the car. But Sebastian was not going to give up. He got off the car too and walked after Morgan. ''Can you stop already? I don't know what's wrong with you that you're acting all cold and distant towards me. Yes, I got late to a read through but that can happen to anyone. And I said I was sorry!'' But that was not what had Morgan angry. ''I was ready to forget you for that! But then you come the next day and call me 'overnight success'!'' ''But that's what you are!'' Sebastian could barely see Morgan's face but he was sure she had got red of pure anger. ''You little... TROLL!'' she snapped at him. Then she grabbed some grass from the ground and threw it at him but it didn't even reach him. Sebastian almost laughed. Morgan was literally attacking him with grass. That was probably one of the most bizarre things that had ever happened to him. ''Calm down!'' he grabbed Morgan's shoulders before she reached down for more grass to throw at him. ''Let go of me!'' He didn't dare to do that because he was sure that Morgan was going to attack him again. Maybe with a stone or she'd just punch him in the face. ''Only if you calm down.'' Slowly, he released her shoulders. Morgan was just breathing heavily and containing herself not to throw anything else at him. ''You can leave. I know how to get to my own apartment, thank you.'' ''I'm walking you to the hall, you like it or not. Believe it or not, I want you to be safe. And if something happens to you when you're under my watch, Damien would shred me to pieces.'' ''I'm under nobody's watch! I can take care of myself'' Sebastian had a hard time believing in how someone could be so stubborn. ''But we live in dark times, Llewellyn. We should protect each other.'' Morgan had to admit that he was right. They were almost reaching Morgan's building when Sebastian heard a noise that sounded more like a whimper. ''What's this?'' he asked but Morgan hasn't heard anything, so she just shook her head in confusion. He walked towards the bushes that were a bit far away from the building's entry. ''Did you find a corpse?'' she asked with no emotion in her voice. ''No, but... who let this little one here?'' She was intrigued so she just walked towards Sebastian only to see that he was holding a box that contained a tiny black cat. ''Oh my... what kind of monster left you here?'' Morgan was scandalised. She touched the cat that was shaking and looked as if it was injured. ''At least they were considerate enough to leave it in a box'' ''My poor baby. Do me a favour and stay here for a second till I get my car keys because I'm taking this cat to the vet.'' ''Wait! I'll take you. I know a place where Chris Evans takes his dog. It's very good and they are open 24 hours a day. Let me do you this favour.'' ''I can save a cat by myself, thank you very much. Please, just stay with the cat for a second.'' Sebastian couldn't believe that Morgan was this proud. ''Do it for the cat.'' He had got her there. Even though Morgan didn't want to spend a second more with Sebastian Stan, she really wanted to save the cat. ''Okay.'' she finally gave in. ''The poor thing is shaking.'' Morgan took off her leather jacket to wrap the cat in it. Now she was freezing but she didn't care at the moment. ''Let's go'' ''Wait'' he stopped her again. Morgan looked at him with impatience but he didn't care. He just took off his own jacket and placed around Morgan's shoulder. ''Don't say anything. Please, don't say anything.'' For once she didn't because she was actually freezing so not even her pride could reject Sebastian's gesture. They were back again into his Jaguar and this time Morgan was really focusing on the cat. It didn't look as if its life was in danger but she couldn't be sure. It was better that a professional saw it. And she was sure that it was injured in one of his legs. ''Here we are'' Sebastian announced, almost ten minutes later. Morgan immediately got off the car with Sebastian closely following her. She got into the clinic and immediately found a friendly looking vet, that by the look on her face recognised them. ''Can...I help with something?'' she was clearly intimidated by the presence of two famous celebrities in front of her. It was Morgan who talked. Sebastian just stood there with an arm placed around her shoulders. ''I... we... found this cat and think it's injured and its also shaking and... I want to be sure he's okay.'' The vet, grabbed the cat, that was still wrapped in Morgan's jacket. ''It doesn't seem seriously injured'' those words relieved Morgan. ''He's frightened and cold. Look, I'm going to give it a closer look so I can give you a more exact diagnosis. Do you mind waiting?'' ''Not at all''. The vet nodded and left with the cat. ''You can leave if you want. I can get a taxi back home.'' she told Sebastian. ''I'm not leaving you alone. What kind of person does that? Except if you want me to leave, of course.'' Morgan thought for a second. That was what she wanted. Or maybe not. Not really. She wanted him to stay. ''Stay.'' He couldn't hide the big smile from his face. He sat in a comfortable chair in the waiting room and Morgan sat beside him. Of all the Sebastian Stan related fantasies she had made up for the last five years, staying alone in a vet clinic wasn't one of them. She didn't even know if they were in better terms than before. She just knew that for the moment they were in some sort of truce. But she had the weird feeling that no matter what, she could trust him. She felt genuinely safe around him even if sometimes she was infuriated with his presence. ''So...'' he seemed to be getting comfortable and was getting brave enough to ask Morgan a couple of questions. ''...what do you think is the meaning of life?'' Morgan almost fell off the chair. She was pretty sure that he was joking. There was no way that he could be serious, asking about the bloody meaning of life. No one ever did that, except stoned people and philosophy teachers and Sebastian didn't seem to be either of those. However, she followed his silly game. ''Doing whatever the hell I want. Live in the way I please, by my own rules, unless it's illegal, of course, I don't want to end up in jail.'' Sebastian didn't seem surprised at all by her answer. It was just what he was expecting from her. He would have been surprised if her answer was 'to find love' or 'to marry and have kids'. And he was glad. Morgan may sometimes annoy the living hell out of him but she had something that he admired: the only opinion she cared about was hers. But he still wanted to know more. ''Only that? Romantic relationships aren't in your agenda?'' he looked at her with a smirk. They were getting into dangerous territory there or at least Morgan was. Because the only man she had dreamed about for the last five years was right in front of her. ''I don't need a man to validate me as a person. I'd rather be single than dating asshole after asshole for no reason at all.'' 'and none of them would remotely compare to you', Morgan thought. He had ruined men for her long ago. And Sebastian also saw this answer coming. He was surprised that he was understanding Morgan's character better than he had initially though. But there was still a couple of things she wanted to know. ''And do you want kids? Not for now but... for the future.'' So he was asking deep stuff, eh? Not that Morgan cared. She had always been honest and she had no problem on telling stuff to him. It wasn't a secret, after all. ''In the sweet words of the greatest genius that ever lived, and I'm talking about Freddie Mercury: I'd rather have cats. But, don't get me wrong, I actually like kids, they are cute, when they are not my responsibility.'' Sebastian also saw that answer coming. Except the Freddie Mercury quote. He also shared that opinion. ''I guessed you would think this way. I've never pictured you as the motherly type. Mother of cats, definitely. I think you'll be one of those awesome cat ladies that'll live in a huge mansion with her cats and each of them will have their own room. Cats with names like Romeo, Lily, Macbeth, Minerva, Luna, Salem, Mr. Whiskers and stuff like that.'' Morgan was quite speechless. Everything Sebastian had said was true. She had even had a cat named Romeo when she was a child. ''I know you sort of dislike me, Stan, but... you always give me good compliments. This one was exceptional and I'm not being sarcastic.'' ''I don't dislike you. You just annoy me sometimes. And let me tell you that I like your mindset. And I share it. Well... I'm not much of a cat person but... maybe I get dogs like Chris did. I don't know. I also think that fatherhood is not for me.'' ''Really?'' she really didn't saw that one coming. Maybe because she had that image of Sebastian as the perfect father that she had read in fanfiction countless of times that she had thought it was a fact. Wrong, Morgan, wrong. ''I though you were like Chris Evans, who wants to have three kids and a dog. At least that's what I've read about him. Well, he has the dog.'' Sebastian was quite proud of himself at that moment. Apparently Morgan was having much more trouble at decoding his real self than he was having at discovering the real Morgan. ''And Chris knows every single song in every Disney movie. He's dad material. I only know a couple of lines of Under the Sea and only because the crab that sings it is named Sebastian. I think he's from The Little Mermaid even though I don't even remember what this movie was about. So, you're wrong, Llewellyn. I'm not Chris Evans. I don't want three kids, not even one kid. But yeah, I'd accept the dog.'' for the first time in years he was opening up to someone without feeling judged. It was strange that he was confessing deep stuff to a woman that had thrown grass at him an hour ago. ''I never thought that we had something in common, Stan. That's surprising.'' ''We are much more alike than you imagine, Morgan.'' Morgan raised her eyebrows. ''I don't think so. You still care about what people think and about what society states. I know it, don't even try to convince me otherwise because I know is true. I can see it in your eyes.'' ''Well, you're just 25, of course that you think this way now. Maybe in some years you'll start caring.'' She looked at him with a condescending smile. ''And that's the first thing that you got wrong, Stan. I'm not someone else's opinion of me. I'm not what society dictates that I should be. I'm my own person and you should be too, you should be yourself, always, no matter how silly or weird that sounds.'' He couldn't believe that he was getting emotional counselling from Morgan Llewellyn, of all people. And what she had said made perfect sense. ''You should do a TED talk, Morgan. Everyone will see it, me included. 'The art of not giving a fuck'. It'd be a hit.'' he was being sincere. In the last couple of hours he had discovered a new side of Morgan that was different from her explosive self. She was still obnoxious, condescending and chaotic but, that was simply who she was. ''Thank you for being honest with me. I appreciate it.'' Morgan didn't know what was happening to her. He had called 'overnight success', again, only an hour ago and they were supposed to be friends now? Maybe it was better to stop with the hostilities once and for all. ''I wasn't completely honest with you'' she didn't know why she was even starting this. She didn't owe half a truth to Sebastian but somehow but she noticed that she wanted to talk to somebody about deep stuff. Why she was talking to the guy that had been a step away from her nemesis was another question. Or maybe that nemesis was trustworthy. ''This is the fist time we talk without wanting to send each other to hell. I wasn't expecting complete honesty from you. But... you can trust me.'' ''I know, and that doesn't make any sense. You're my least favourite person I met in New York and somehow the only one I sort of trust.'' Sebastian was over the moon. Morgan Llewellyn trusted him even though a part of him knew that the bickering and the fights were not going to stop any time soon. Maybe things will get easier and with time the could become friends. ''Hollywood is not a place you can trust people. Everyone wants a piece of you, you should be wary of manipulative people, Morgan. I'm not saying that I'm perfect or anything but... I'll be there for you if you need me.'' ''I'll be there for you... that sounds like Friends' opening song. And we're not friends, Stan.'' ''Maybe not. But if you ever feel alone and you have no one to go to, I'll be there and you can tell me everything.'' He was so near her that she could see every detail of his face and he couldn't look away from her electric eyes. His brain wasn't responding anymore. He had got completely numb by the woman in front of him. He lifted on of his hands and placed it on Morgan's cheek. It was a soft touch, but meaningful. ''You're the most beautiful person I've ever seen.'' they were so close that their foreheads were touching. Morgan had no idea what the hell was going on. Her brain wanted to push him away but it was her heart that was winning the battle and she was unable to move. On the contrary, she just wanted to kiss him. ''That's... quite a compliment'' she whispered, still unable to move. ''You're just hypnotising, bewitching, wonderful...'' They were only an inch away from kissing. That was all shades of wrong. He had a girlfriend and Morgan a flourishing career ahead of her that couldn't be tarnished by being Sebastian Stan's side chick. However, either of them seem to remember that as Sebastian had gone blank and the only thing he could see was Morgan in front of her. Morgan herself was numb. Maybe it was fortunate that a the exact moment they were about to kiss they heard someone clearing their throat. ''Excuse me...'' the vet, who was back, said shyly. ''...but your cat is ready.'' Morgan almost jumped from the seat and walked very fast towards the vet. Sebastian remained in his seat. He was still numb about what had happened. Or almost happened. ''Is it okay?'' ''Yes. I bandaged the wound in its paw. It should be completely healed in a couple of days. I gave him food and he seemed to eat normally. He was in shock, but as you may see, he's better now.'' ''So, is a he?'' Morgan was caressing the cat's head with her index finger. ''Yes. He's around a month old. By the way Miss, you mentioned that you found him. Just in case you can't keep him, we can and then we'll find a home for him.'' But Morgan was already talking her card from her bag, to pay for the expenses. ''I'm taking him home.'' Only when Morgan had paid for everything and bought a couple of things for her new cat, Sebastian reacted and stood up. Morgan was thanking the vet and Sebastian did the same, quite mechanically, as he was still a bit numb. In silence they walked to the car. Sebastian was still thinking about what had almost happened and Morgan was concentrated with her new cat. This time, he had the chance of being a gentleman and opened the door to Morgan. They were in silence. Sebastian was looking at Morgan with the corner of the eye and she was rubbing her cat's neck. ''Do you have a name for him?'' he suddenly asked. ''Thirteen.'' she saw Sebastian's confused face so she explained the name for him. ''Today is the Thirteen Doctor's first episode, and finally, the Doctor's a woman, so yeah, it's a special number. And I was born on a thirteen''. And Sebastian was also born on a thirteen. Both of them were thinking the same. Sebastian wanted to say something else so they could go back to the moment they had shared before getting his mind numb and almost kissing her. ''I don't think you're an overnight success'' he said with all the sincerity in the world. ''No actor is. Yeah, maybe you rose to fame really quickly but I'm sure that behind your newly found fame there's a lot of hard work, perseverance, tears, frustrations, and who knows what else.'' Of all the incredible things that had happened that day, Sebastian Stan leaving his pride aside was probably the most incredible of them all. The most decent thing she could do was to do the same. ''Yeah, you're right. It wasn't an easy way but I wouldn't change it for anything in the world. And...'' swallowing her pride was not among Morgan's special abilities. Let alone apologising. But she had to do it. ''...I'm really sorry that I called you untalented. You're not. You're one of the most talented persons I've ever worked with and you really make me work better.'' Sebastian almost laughed at how hard is was to her to admit this. ''You're admirable because you came out of nowhere and made a name for yourself in this difficult industry.'' Sebastian had never felt so flattered in his life than in that moment. He took advantage of the red light to lift his hand and caress one side of Morgan's head, placing a strand of hair behind her ear. He was so focused on her that he hadn't noticed that the traffic lights had changed colour until the car behind his honked loudly almost making him jump. ''I appreciate what you just said, Morgan. I really do.'' I seemed that Damien's Chazelle's plan had worked and they were finally overcoming their differences and getting on well. However, they had the concerning feeling that it was a momentary pause in their nonsensical and ongoing battle. Sebastian couldn't take his eyes off of Morgan's face. Only when he almost ran the red light he stopped. ''Eyes on the road, you idiot.'' and there was the normal version of Morgan again. The dream lasted way too little. Sooner than Sebastian wanted they were on the outside of Morgan's apartment complex. ''Let me walk you inside'' Morgan didn't even argue with him. She knew that he was going to go anyway. They walked in silence until they reached the elevator. ''This is your jacket'' she handed him the piece of clothing. ''Bye'' she was going to leave in a very unceremoniously way but stopped her. ''Hey, it was a nice night, Morgan.'' ''Aha. I suppose it was'' Her brooding mood was back. The short period of understanding between both of them had fizzled out. It was almost unreal how fast the magic had vanished. ''See you.'' Morgan just nodded. He looked at her disappearing into the elevator. He was happy that everything had ran smoothly between them both but quite disappointed because nothing had changed much after all.

P.S- I’m sick as a dog but I’m posting anyway.

[jafreitag]

2020

On January 1, 2020, I went to LNHQ. The holiday party had happened a few days earlier – a sorta-epic “booze cruise” with Lana Del Rey off the Catalina coast. Everybody nursed hangovers on flights back home, and then bugged off to celebrate their new years with their people.

The office was spotless – just a few dust motes floating across the afternoon sunlight in the conference room. I grabbed a piece of chalk and wrote “What if…” on the green board. It was intended as a turn-the-page talking point. OM and I had had a sit-down after we got back from Cali. Good talk, honestly. He’s well-versed in stuff that I do not understand, and he’s driving the proverbial bus as the new LN CEO. Lotta heartfelt questions from him, lotta heartfelt idks from me. “You gotta…” and “Yeah, I suck at that, but what about…” Some bourbon later, we adjourned. “Love you, dude” and “love you back, man.” Let’s meet next week and ok.

So that’s why I was there. What are we doing? What if… What if we actually try hard? What if ECM keeps killing it on Instagram? What if Jane and Trevor come back? What if we move to a new location, and the corporate and content wings find a new synergy? What if all of the sponsorships pan out? And O’s settlement with Adidas? Sky’s the limit, right? Let your imagination wander. I mean, what if Fiona Apple puts out a new album in 2020, and it’s not just great, but better than The Idler Wheel, which was the best album of 2012?

Seriously. What if?

Or what if the entire world breaks?

That wasn’t in my head back then.

It’s December now. And we’re in a global pandemic, which is getting worse (or at least not getting measurably better) every day. This year has been indescribably difficult for all of us, particularly the ones personally affected by Covid-19. And it has been difficult for businesses across every sector, particularly entertainment. Seen a show lately? Nope? Me, neither. At the beginning of the summer, I paid Laura Marling to watch a stream of her performance at Union Chapel in London. Seemed cool then, seems irrelevant now.

We can’t help artists/bands, really, until we can see them again. And who knows when that will be? Next summer? Next fall? Maybe 2022 before we all feel safe in massive crowds again (even with masks)? Maybe never? Until then, we have streaming services. And … woof. That’s an Apple/Spotify cart that I’d prefer not to upend, mainly because it benefits me, but it’s worth some words.

I’m a Spotify person. My home team is comprised of six Spotify people. We pay, collectively, $14.99/month to stream almost any music ever recorded and released. That’s around $2.50 per person per month. Pretty good deal, right? For sure. Here’s the problem: Spotify pays $0.003 per stream. That’s 1/3 of a penny. If you’re a Zeppelin or a Beatle or a Stone, that’s just a nice little dividend. (Keith is like, “Hey, baby, I love Spot-ify. I bought this sweet fedorah with that check.”) If you’re somebody else, somebody less established in the Rock-royalties pantheon, you’re probably not buying a hat. You’re probably hoping that Spotify might, might, pick up your next cup of coffee – or one at the end of the year, I don’t know how that works.

Spotify does this year-end Wrapped thing. You get a weird Snapchat/Instagram video that tells you stuff. Your most listened-to artist/band, your also-rans, etc. You also get some pretty sweet virtual (and unearned) affirmation.

My win was this.

911 seems good. It’s better than 11. The green-dotify didn’t specify whom those new artists were, which sucks, but I have a decent idea. And I’m guessing that many of those artists have Bandcamp pages, and I didn’t visit any of those. Actually, that’s not true. I did visit the Car Seat Headrest page because Will put out three different iterations of the new record on streaming, cd, and vinyl. It was mostly the same – alternate sequences and some alternate versions of certain tracks. The alternate versions weren’t on Bandcamp. You had to buy all three formats to get the whole record. Or you had to be ok with the iteration that you got. Or you could just find the alternate versions on YouTube. Sure, they wouldn’t be on your phone, but you got to hear them.

That’s not me being petty or cheap. I could’ve bought the cd and vinyl iterations. And I could’ve bought alot of music on Bandcamp, but I couldn’t have bought 911-new-artists worth. How many could I have bought? Not sure. How would I have decided? Not sure. I’m glad that I discovered that many sounds, and I’m concerned that most of those sounds were produced by real people struggling to create in this challenging (intentionally undersold the adjective there, but “terrible” and “horrible” seemed trite) environment. I’m more glad than concerned, if you follow the dichotomy. And I’m not happy about it. Having identified the problem, however, I’m flummoxed about a solution.

I listened to alot of music in 2020. #WFH #FTW (And two hashtag sentence fragments make a sentence. I just checked the LN style manual. Jane said ok.)

Alessandro Deljavan is an Italian pianist, who was born a few months before I graduated high school. He recorded Erik Satie’s piano works. My best friend and I listened to that alot this year – she calls it “sleeping music.” Miles Davis, obv. Early-covid, I made a chronologically-tight playlist of his pre-Columbia material. Mid-covid, I started a chronologically-tight and still-unfinished playlist of his fusion material. Jenny Lin? I think that’s a holdover from last year, when sleeping music was her Chopin’s Nocturnes. CSH was my lawnmowing soundtrack. Daniel Baremboim? No idea, maybe I hit his Mendelssohn’s Leider ohne Worte too many times during the days.

Minutes listened and top genre are what I want to talk about, real quick, before I get list-y. 115,891 minutes is 1,931 or so hours, and 80.5 or so days. I listened to two and a half months straight of music this year. That’s not a brag or even a humble brag. It’s a fact. And most of that (trust me here, I ran my ass off to playlists) was Indie Rock – the aforementioned “new artists.” How can I help them, besides streaming their amazing work over and over and over, and championing them here? Shouting indirectly at Spotify on social media seems unlikely to change a flawed system. Anybody with more constructive ideas can share them below the line.

Ok, the list.

I did it. I broke the unspoken rule (nobody gets #1 twice), and I’m ok with it. 2020 was a unique year. Up top, that’s Fiona from a Zoom call over the summer. She didn’t really know about Liner Notes, but she was willing to talk while walking her dogs. I wasn’t sure that Fetch the Bolt Cutters would be the album of the year at that point, but it was a nice chat. Tbh, I struggled to finalize the list because any of the Top 10 could’ve been Top. The margins were very fine. (And fwiw, I may tweak things a bit over the next few weeks.) Links to Spotify. And COME ON, Spotify. Pay artists more, and pay indie artists even more than that.

Fiona Apple – Fetch the Bolt Cutters

Phoebe Bridgers – Punisher

Waxahatchee – Saint Cloud

This Is the Kit – Off Off On

HAIM – Women in Music Pt. III

En Attendant Ana – Juillet

Samia – The Baby

Kelly Lee Owens – Inner Song

Adrianne Lenker – songs / instrumentals

Porridge Radio – Every Bad

SAULT – Untitled (Black Is) / Untitled (Rise)

Taylor Swift – folklore / evermore

The 1975 – Notes On A Conditional Form

Car Seat Headrest – Making a Door Less Open

Perfume Genius – Set My Heart on Fire Immediately

Lomelda – Hannah

Fleet Foxes – Shore

Soccer Mommy – color theory

Beach Bunny – Honeymoon

Retirement Party – Runaway Dog

Shopping – All or Nothing

Ela Minus – acts of rebellion

The Strokes – The New Abnormal

Fontaines D.C. – A Hero’s Death

Kate NV – Room for the Moon

Dehd – Flower of Devotion

Gum County – Somewhere

Bad Moves – Untenable

Jeff Tweedy – Love Is the King

Laura Marling – Song for Our Daughter

Autechre – SIGN

Four Tet – Sixteen Oceans

Sorry – 925

Dream Wife – So When You Gonna…

Fenne Lily – BREACH

Margaret Glaspy – Devotion

Jordana – Something to Say to You

Hinds – The Prettiest Curse

Gorillaz – Song Machine: Season One

Tame Impala – The Slow Rush

Tycho – Simulcast

Ólafur Arnalds – some kind of peace

Ezra Feinberg – Recumbent Speech

Slow Pulp – Moveys

Young Jesus – Welcome to Conceptual Beach

Bartees Strange – Live Forever

U.S. Girls – Heavy Light

Empress Of – I’m You’re Empress Of

Charli XCX – how i’m feeling now

Oliver Coates – skins n slime

LN is on hiatus for a little while.

More soon.

JF

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[seethestarlights]

why the speak now world tour is literally the best concert tour to ever exist:

i don’t think you should wait, i think you should speak now

the extra long intro of sparks fly that just builds up the tension and excitment for when taylor appears

the gold sparkly dress

the way sparks fly slows down and you can hear the piano play

the red electric guitar

when taylor takes a pause during mine to make her infamous hand hearts

the way taylor shouts “GO!” before the story us starts playing

the agency and every single way they are involved in this tour

CAN I PLEASE SEE YOU JUMP

the extended “now now noooooooooowwwww” in the story of us

that dancer performing and cheering on the crowd before taylor jumps out

the way taylor and the dancers just pop out of the stage during performances

taylors cute side braid

the banjo/fiddle intro before our song

the porch with the front steps

those random fake animals

the pure country jams with our song and mean

the cute little white dress she wears when performing our song and mean

the violin intro before back to december

back to december being played on piano!!!!

the white piano

the mashup of back to december/apologise/you’re not sorry aka the best mashup to ever exist ever

he said it’s too late to apologise it’s too laaaaaattttee THIS IS ME SWALLOWING MY PRIDE STANDING IN FRONT OF YOU it’s too late to apologise SAYING IM SORRY FOR THAT NIIIIIIGHT it’s to laaaattteee he said you’re not sorry nooo no nooooooo

the beautiful blue gown that taylor wears

the fact that she’s wearing the better than revenge dress underneath

HEY IT’S ME, LEAVE A MESSAGE, MAKE IT HOT

that red sparkly dress

how after taylor sings “let’s hear the applause” caitlin and liz sing “show me how much better you are”

the guitar solos playing after better than revenge

the fact that taylor performed speak now right after better than revenge, like what a master of story telling

the wedding march playing before speak now is performed

the fact that there was an actual wedding on stage

but you are not the kind of boy who should be marrying the wrong girl *CLAP CLAP*

taylor fricken swift literally ruining a wedding

that beautiful purple dress

taylor giving the gloves she wore to some lucky fan in the audience

taylor walking through the crowd while an extended version on speak now is playing

finally finishing speak now when she arrives at the b stage

the b stage being a fricken tree

the many amazing covers taylor performed eg nashville, drops of jupiter, bette davis eyes, sweet escape etc.

the cute little ukulele she plays

the upbeat ukulele version of fearless featuring hey soul sister and im yours

the acoustic version of ours

the koi fish guitar

taylor playing last kiss on the koi fish guitar with the harp being played on the main stage

taylor playing the beginning of you belong with me and then making her way through the crowds to get back to the main stage

the way she orchestrates the crowd to sing the chorus of you belong with me

taylor sitting on the stairs singing dear john

I’M SHINING LIKE FIREWORKS OVER YOUR SAD EMPTY TOWN *CUE FIREWORKS SHINING OVER TAYLOR AND THIS AMAZING TOUR*

the beautiful piano/violin intro with the ballet dancers before enchanted starts

the fairytale style dress taylor wears while performing enchanted

the whole fairytale theme for enchanted

the extended ‘please don’t be in love with someone else etc’

when the extended intro to haunted starts playing and taylor acts scared and runs off the stage to change outfits

the haunted bells

the tattered black/red dress

the haunted into + the bells = perfection

taylor disappearing under the bells and then returning from underneath the bells like a minute later wearing the black and silver dress and with the sparkly guitar

this song is so completely 100% for you

the way the crowd screams when she sings “the crowds in stands went wild”

the way liz sings “this is absurd”

we have absolutely loved spending time in your town and you’ve been so amazing to us. I mean, you guys know every single word and you’ve danced this entire night and it means the world to me and every single person you see on stage. thank you.

taylor sitting on the couch with the agency performing fifteen

the pretty pink princess dress taylor wears

how on the screen there are photos of the agency from when they were fifteen and them at the present

how the last photo shown during fifteen is taylor at fifteen

how in some shows taylor performed safe and sound

that show when taylor performed eyes open before it was officially released

taylor of course performing love story

flying around the stadium/arena in the balcony

all the special guests she brought out during the tour

the arm lyrics

when she wore the 13 on her hand

the way the stage was inspired by central park

the fact that this tour so completely portrays the magic that taylor manages to capture in the album that she wrote and produced all by herself when she was 19 years old

[tellemaywhy]

#TelleMayMore 🌸

Turning 25, Adulting and Avoiding a quarter-life crisis 💫

There comes a point when a girl stops being a little less "excited" about her birthdays, because it usually brings up her age, which meant she's getting ~older~. For me, it was 22. After the year that iconically has a right-of-passage-song attached to it (if you've been living under a rock, Google Taylor Swift's 22), I feel like my age has stopped and I'm forever22, and I'm no longer aging LOL Now that I'm 25 this May 25, I wanted to share my thoughts about how I'm currently handling adulting and how I'm trying to avoid a quarter-life crisis, in the best possible way I could think of, by doing a fun shoot of course! 💁🏻‍♀️️

I could still remember, when I was 7 years old, I said to my mom that I couldn't wait to turn 20 and already be a young adult. She replied to me with a sigh, "wag kang nagmamadali anak, you won't notice how fast time will pass by." At that time, I didn't understand how that could be pagmamadali, as in my mind, turning 20 was like so so so so long from where I was before. But, come my 18th birthday, I had a traditional debut celebration here in the Philippines, 18 roses and all, that's when I realized what mom had said. That's when life was starting to shift gears and pick up the pace a lil bit faster.

18 was the year I decided to shift courses. From BS Applied Physics, I decided I wanted to do something else in my life. I just couldn't see myself in that path. A little back story - I only took up Applied Physics cuz it was a premed course in UP Manila, and I had an inclination to medicine, but again, I just couldn't imagine myself in that path anymore. I was always inclined to the arts. But I wanted a course that would challenge me (ohh and challenge me it did!) in terms of it not only being purely arts. I wanted it to have math and science too. That's why I chose BS Architecture!🌃

Okay, fast forward, I successfully shifted to UP Diliman, but there was a little bump in the road... Actually, it wasn't little. It felt like a big mountain that I had to hike over! Even though I passed all of my subjects from my first two years in Applied Physics, I had to go back to first year since Archi semesters required to have 1 Design class per semester, and they didn't allow them to have 2 or more in each sem! I WAS SHOOKT I TELL YA!! 😱Going in, I thought I could take all of these archi subjects together, but imagine my surprise during the general assemble when the College Secretary was explaining this. WHY wasn't this explained to us when we were shifting???

Come December of my first year in Archi, that's when I first started to feel it. The heavy feeling of being "late" in life. I know, it may seem OA for some, but really, it was so hard! You see your HS batchmates start to post grad pics of themselves (DLSU peeps have 3 year courses, and technically this is my 3rd year in college, so that's why they're already posting grad pics) and you're here, restarting your 1st year, one can't help to feel a little miserable (add to the fact that you're still finding yourself amidst the design insecurities that one might have, as expected of any art course!)

Fast forward again to third year aka hell year, and then fifth year which was thesis year, both years were difficult, the latter being the toughest! But I managed to graduate with flying colors and even bag a latin honor 💁🏻‍♀️

It was the start of a new chapter for me. Sure, it may have taken more pages compared to others, but I wouldn't tear off any page from those added 2 years in my life. If it weren't for those years, I wouldn't have met the people that are close to me right now, I wouldnt have experienced all of the fun things I enjoyed in college with them, and as cliche as it may sound, those years gave me character building.

Adulting is a whole 'nother level from college guys. In fact, I can't say that I'm already 100% adulting. I'm still under the gracious house of my parents, so I don't have to pay my own rent, electricity and water. But it's the start of making a conscious effort of trying to make ends meet.

As a fresh grad of Architecture in the Philippines, I'm so mad at our industry. I know not everybody knows this but, architects are already so under appreciated in our country, imagine how they treat those who haven't had their boards yet? (archi grads are required to take 2 years of ~working experience~ before being able to take the boards) It's a sad pill to swallow, but we have to keep moving forward. One step at a time. I'm currently taking it one day at a time and keeping my eye on my next target, which is the boards gahhhh it gives me so much anxiety thinking about it! 😭😅😂

With all of these things, come turning 25, you'd start to think about exactly where your life is going... is this the right path? Am I on time? Can I save enough money to buy my own house by the time that I turn 30? Will I have enough savings for my future wedding?? CHZ 😂 And if you really delve into these questions, you'd start to have what we millennials like to call, a quarter life crisis! 🙃

Sure, it's good that you're thinking about these things and planning ahead, but the moment that your thoughts become toxic and it paralyzes you, that's when it becomes worrisome. Don't dwell on your problems. Try to make concrete steps on how you're going to solve them. No matter how big or small each step may be, it's still a step towards growth and self betterment!

Generally speaking here are my big goals for now, finish my 2 years of work experience, and pass the boards. After that, I'm still planning what to do next. As for my little steps, I learned to take care of myself more and not be too hard on myself.

1. Give yourself a breather

After graduating, if you have the time and means, give yourself a break before starting to find a job. I'm glad I had one, and all of my friends who immediately started working regretted not having one. It was the perfect way to detox and recharge yourself. And if you're already working now, do give yourself breaks where you get to relax and not stress about anything! Life's not all work.

2. Do what you love

In that period of break, try to do as many things that you love! Hobbies and activities that excite you. Things that you didn't have time when you were focused on your studies during college. For me, it was my b/vlogging. There were busy months wherein some of my friends and family thought I've fully taken on the b/vlogger life because of the back to back events, but as much as I'd love to, I know I wanna be an architect someday, so that's my main focus. And now that I'm working, I try to squeeze in my hobbies every now and then to make each week happier and more exciting. You have to have something to look forward to!

3. Take care of your body - Physically

Having 8 hours of sleep, eating healthy and exercising regularly can make all the difference to your mind and body! Okay so this part, admittedly I'm having a hard time as well. Having 8 hours of sleep is a struggle for me as I'm always busy, I try to eat as healthily as possible so that's why I bring baon to work so I don't have to buy fast food, and as for exercising, I'm too tired after work that I don't have time for it anymore. My goal now is to incorporate these more in my life and be a better version of me. Who says resolutions are only for new years?

4. - And emotinally/spiritually

Now, I don't want to sound all preachy, but I really do find peace whenever I talk to God. During those toughest times, I always prayed to Him and asked for his guidance and holy spirit to help me find my way. If you find going to church isn't your thing, try to find a quite and safe space where you can meditate. Clear your mind and just release all the negative energy.

5. Celebrate yourself!

Self love isn't selfish! Give yourself a pat in the back. You worked so hard, don't wait for anyone's appraisal. Treat yo self. With your fave food, drink, movie, or anything actually (in my case, a fun shoot with a creative photographer and hmua team hi josh, danica and camille 💁🏻‍♀️)

I hope my MMK blog post of my quarter life crisis helped you in any sort of way! If you related to it in some way, I hope you get to apply my simple steps onto being and feeling better 💖 Love lots, Tellemaywhy.

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Instagram: @tellemaywhy

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[bloody-cute-yandere]

my thoughts on Hamilton on Disney+

I have gotten into the habit of psychoanalyzing the reasons that businesses would do the things that they do. I see the performative pandering of pride month by large businesses, judge whether other aspects of their donations, investments, etc, also align with their pr. So, when Disney+ announced that they would be releasing a filmed version of the musical Hamilton, I decided to sit down and think about the overall pros and cons culturally of this move, and what potential motives Disney would have to do this.

The Pros:

One of the biggest pros I could think of is the greater accessibility this musical will have for the general populace now. There has been a movement over the past several years to create filmed versions of musicals (Sweeney Todd, Les Miserables, and Into the Woods come to mind), but Hamilton offers a greater range of musical sounds than any of the previous musicals do. Even in those movies, the songs SOUND like songs from a musical. They all definitively and decidedly reside in the musical theater genre. Hamilton, however, with its use of electronic sounds, extra sound effects, a wider range of instruments and a wider range of vocal techniques including rapping and beatboxing, could I believe reasonably be heard on the radio. Burn would sound lovely before or after a Taylor Swift song; My Shot is an absolute BOP and could be heard at any time IMO. The overall accessibility of this music, however, was shadowed by how incredibly expensive it is to go to see a live musical. I had to get season pass tickets to just get the chance to see Hamilton in my state’s theaters, which amounted to about $900. That was the only reason I bought the season pass. It was $900 for a gamble. Most people can’t swing that, and that’s only if the theaters that had Hamilton in their seasons were within easy travel for people, which is probably less likely for parts of the country. The musical being on a streaming platform finally breaks through that affluence barrier, allowing it to truly be a musical for the people’s enjoyment.

Another large pro is I believe a Disney+ specific pro, which is the possibility for children to be able to learn from the musical. Children can now be entertained for several hours while their parents are handling other matters, and during that time they will learn history in a way that is fun and easy to digest (I had no idea that Hamilton started the Coast Guard until this musical). They also get to have new people to idolize, like Eliza Hamilton who demonstrated poise, kindness and patience throughout the entire show and came out to be a complete Badass in the end with everything she accomplished after Alexander died. Lafayette was the noble eloquent powerhouse with his beautiful and quick raps and his demeanor, Hercules Mulligan was a complete rockstar in an entirely different way by acting as a spy. All of this allows the children to see a wide cast of characters that are all heroes in different ways based off of their personal characteristics, and I find that to be incredibly important. There is no one way to be a good person, or to be a hero.

The musical itself also speaks to race in a profound way, which I believe is important for the current political and social climate in the US right now. The POC cast gives some much needed diversity to musical theater as a whole, without the POCness of it being shoved down into people’s throats. There are no comments about race of the characters themselves; instead they just are who they are, and it fits and works very well. Slavery and the ills of slavery are also mentioned throughout the musical without it being a main focus; it’s just “These are our heroes, and they spoke out about slavery in these contexts” without that derailing the overall plot of the musical. Laurens believed what he believed and attempted to form a free Black Battalion, and his death and the loss of that idea was noted in the musical. Hamilton and Jefferson fought over slavery and economics in the first Cabinet Meeting. Eliza spoke out against slavery in her epilogue. And, all of this occurs just as another thread in the fabric of the story, gently and skillfully weaving a call for equal rights into every note and word; the musical is a continual call for justice and standing up for everyone, and that message is now available for everyone to consume now. That will be a powerful tool to help seed gentle thoughts in those that might be soon ready to change and learn. Perhaps this musical will be the final ray of sunshine that sends some confused folk to start to listen to the world around them.

The Cons:

The movie format doesn’t give the entire musical experience. The musical was filmed as it appears on stage with all of the original choreography, with several cameras set up to allow for close-ups and various angles of shots. This did at times take away from some of the more beautiful aspects of the musical, in that we missed choreography and the edges of the stage, as well as any work that the ensemble had put in to their own particular characters. As someone who has been in community musical theater productions before, I know I was encouraged to make any time I was on stage and interesting time, because “someone’s definitely going to be looking at me”. With all of the close ups and not-quite-full views of the stage, it in a way robbed the ensemble of getting to showcase their talents and their characters with the larger audience that is now available to see the musical as a whole. There were also gestures and cues that undoubtedly were given to the main actors that would look perfectly acceptable to an audience member given the amount of distance that is usually between an actor on stage and a viewer, which looked somewhat ridiculous when the actor was the sole person on screen. Both of these issues are largely due to formatting differences between musicals and movies, and absolutely when translating between the two some things are going to get lost. Tragic, but absolutely expected and not the inherent fault of anyone that attempted to bring the musical to the small screen.

 Overall I believe that the fact that Hamilton has been brought to a tv near you is a positive move. That still begs the question; why did Disney do this? Profit is possibly a big motivator. The musical became insanely popular almost immediately upon its release, and the fact that Disney could capitalize on that using its own platform would have been incredibly attractive for them. There are now potential merch deals, and all the musical lovers that wanted to see Hamilton that will now be getting a Disney+ subscription JUST so that they can see it is a real deal. Disney was also facing some backlash for taking their movies off of other platforms just to have their own personal paywall, so having a thing that was not originally theirs but is now exclusively available by them will allow some of the flack to die down.

Another possibility is the positive PR. Disney has been making strides in the past several years to appropriately manage their racist past by adding disclaimers to their old cartoons and movies, removing some outdated racist content from their streaming service, and by changing some of their amusement park rides to remove the more racist pieces (I personally am very excited to potentially get a Princess and the Frog ride instead of the one based on Songs of the South. IDK if that is going to happen, I think that was just a rumor, but I would love it to exist). Releasing and promoting Hamilton is a powerful way to not just put a band-aid on their past bad behavior, but to actively step forward with “This is what we believe and promote NOW.” Even if it is at its core just a financially-driven move, it is a positive step forward for the company as a whole, and will be more outwardly beneficial for all of the reasons I described earlier. It is also worth noting at this time that the recording that was released credited the performance to 2016, 4 years before its final release, which tells me that this was planned long in advance and is not simply a scrambling pro-BLM pandering move though it may have been planned for a later release date and they moved it up to now. I’m not sure.

I know that these reasons don’t necessarily paint a very charitable image of Disney; it’s safe to say that I don’t have a lot of trust in the benevolence of large corporations, especially one that seems to own about 1/8 of the world in some way or another. It would take an incredible amount of time to dig into all of Disney’s branches to determine if their overall PR moves, donations and initiatives do align with the BLM movement. For example, I do believe they have a hand in some fast food industries, and I know that Chick-fil-a is discriminatory, and some of Wendy’s donations also belie a discriminatory bend to the upper echelons of control in that company. So, I don’t entirely know if I trust Disney’s overall motivations without knowing more about the entire conglomeration. If you all got to the end of this, thank you for reading my rant. I hope you have a lovely day.