#i can enjoy the Potential Energy vs feeling utterly stressed out | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

void-tiger · 2 years ago

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Sure enough, having things basically resolved socially into the foundations for a comfortable rapport has me feeling less batshit insane with social anxiety inbetween interactions.

#tiger’s musings #socializing crap #there’s still this ‘aight. let’s gooooo!!’#but it’s… ‘let’s see how this grows.’ (because now I know it actually has a chance to grow)#i can enjoy the Potential Energy vs feeling utterly stressed out #’cause like. social anxieties + external ‘benign’ gossip is Utterly Crap #we still haven’t truly cleared the air. guess that’ll have to wait until things Grow more as Actually Friends Now #a ‘hey this utterly sucked and actually hurt my feelings and set off my anxiety. i know it wasn’t delibetately mean but let’s Not do that’#buuuuut. my shenanigans of aggressively ‘no I am NOT looking to date kindly back off. I’m looking for FRIENDSHIPS’#using the exact same church gossip that got things so screwed up #+ apparently letting my soul get bared a little with ‘…actually college kinda SUCKED trying to make friends and HS was worse’#(and. y’know. using things to show Old Art + New Poems)#still… I’m not particularly private? but I still prefer to be direct #ah well. at least I’m not getting utterly austricized if I have to firmly set boundaries with church members #oooor… my boundaries got crossed badly and set off a cptsd reaction #which? that’s actually really really a nice change from how socializing typically goes #to not be completely written off or worse ‘invite’ harassment #because I had a Bad Day with my mental health and others poking the bear #I’ve never started things and I never will. but I am reactive. I try not to be but. [adhd. cptsd socially. unfair misogynic standards]#…so…to imo be seen at my worst. and still have people be friendly #have the person I’ve been stubbornly be friendly towards finally finally meet me halfway anyway #maybe I have low standards for socializing irl but. that’s huge for me #huge enough that I can accept the stress of the past year as ‘okay. that really was the other’s own anxiety symptoms.’#and…let things grow. THEN gently be direct about boundaries and mental health in that regard #’i watch your back. you watch mine. communicate and give space.’

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