#i can cook/bake if i'm following a recipe but i also get Real anxious about it

[sargewood]

tagged by @garykingz 🫶🫶

i'm over 5'5 / i wear glasses or contacts / i have blonde hair / i often wear sweatshirts / i prefer loose clothing over tight clothes / i have one or two piercings / i have at least one tattoo / i have blue eyes / i have dyed or highlighted my hair / i have or have had braces / i have freckles / i paint my nails / i typically wear makeup / i don't often smile / resting bitch face / i play sports / i play an instrument / i know more than one language / i can cook or bake / i like writing / i like to read / i can multitask / i've never dated anyone / i have a best friend i've known for over five years / i am an only child

i will tag @mcpodium, @colors-of-feeling, @eightyones, @formulaaone, @logiesargeant, @oversteerey, @piastrisms, @thatgirlmj, @uglyducklingofthe2000s, @williamsracinggf

no pressure tags of course! <3

[tiniestyo]

HELLO

I'm not sure I've achieved anything since we last spoke. I was invited to write for Metro magazine more than once which I SQUANDERED, and Stone Soup also let me know that I am free to write for them whenever the fancy takes me. Being a food writer might be my dream because I love to type and I hate to abide by the rules of a commercial kitchen (I want to get my nails done and wear my hair down. I did get my nails done, as a birthday gift from my friend who is a nail artist, which is why I'm thinking about this. Beauty is not a thing in food and I wish it was--although, saving on nails and makeup and hair means I could spend on piercings and tattoos. Hmm...).

I almost took a full time job at a friend's vegan and gluten-free bakery, but one key thing made it seem like that wasn't the best choice for me long-term. HOWEVER it did make me reconsider my life and I ended up resigning from the cafe and going to the cake bakery full-time. All of this happened in a weekend. I got a raise in the first week, and the potential for a promotion was there when our head baker/kitchen manager is off on maternity leave (very soon). I don't know if that is still on the table, not sure if I hope it is or not--the absence of real responsibility is nice for my brain, which is constantly overloaded. If 2020 was the year I tried therapy, and 2021 was the year I tried to take my mental health into my own hands (neither good nor bad), perhaps 2022 is the year I will actually find out if I am on the autism spectrum? If I have OCD (long shot maybe but I do have some issue with compulsions) or ADHD (almost definitely) or anything else? Because I think to live the life I want to, I might need to be medicated, or at least learn some management strategies. I want so much from myself and my life and I think a lot of the time my brain is the only thing holding myself back.

***CW weight and body image in this next part, but it's not negative.***

Baking and decorating cakes for work is beautiful and delicious every day. I do enjoy it. However because of a stressful lockdown followed by the constant access to cake I have put on a whole lot of weight over the past four months in a way that is potentially unhealthy (not because of my size--I almost couldn't care less--but because my muscles can't hold it up comfortably anymore, so I need to do some work strengthening my core so I don't have back pain 24/7). I need to pick up pilates again or try yoga or something. I would go to a gym and do weight training type stuff but going to a gym alone, speaking to a trainer, being seen by other people, makes me anxious as hell.

Today is New Year's Day. January 1st, 2022. We stayed up until about 4am watching the new season of Queer Eye and eating shortbread biscuits on final sale (the pack was 77 cents! I will tell anyone who will listen). Today is the day I get my life sorted before the work year begins and everything else gets put on the backburner.

Much love to you all.

x

eating: leftovers from two Christmas dinners, Tony's Chocolonely (hazelnut), shortbread biscuits (77c!). Sesame seed bagels because there were no everything ones, with cream cheese and pickles. Filter coffee and lots of it (Kokako's 'Mahana' blend. There should be a macron on the first o but I don't know how to achieve it without copy-pasting from Google).

cooking: not much! I have plans to make portolakopita as I have a lot of filo and yoghurt. Bought some oranges for it (I think. They look a bit like grapefruits and were unidentified in the supermarket. I hope they're oranges). I also have plans to finally try making Dyan Ng's pan-roasted honey butter brioche, which I ate at Auburn in Los Angeles before they had to close due to COVID. One of the best things I've ever eaten--I hope I can pull it off. Other things I'm keen to try are croissants--I missed the class at university so it'll be my first time!--and bagels. Paris Starn just shared a recipe which looks pretty incredible.

listening to: nothing new. Bit burnt out on the music I've been listening to all year because I am often the music-player at work. I need some new stuff! The end of the year saw a lot of '90s throwbacks (a whole lot of Eurodance). No podcasts for me lately but I might try to start listening again on my way to and from work (I miss my solo mornings where I could listen at the cafe while making scrolls).

watching: Emily in Paris season 2 because it is absolutely mindless but I kind of hate her fashion sense and there are so many moments that make me CRINGE. I had to take a break. Queer Eye season 6, which we watched 6 episodes of last night before passing out. Fantastic Mr. Fox because Alex has never seen it before. We wanted to watch Forgetting Sarah Marshall but I guess it is on no streaming services for some reason. Always Rust Youtubers--we've got into this guy Shots this year even though he is entirely out of touch with life itself he is a great player and an entertaining watch.

reading: nowt. Posts from the people I follow/support on Patreon as soon as they come up but not much else. Feels like I don't have the capacity. I hate reading on a laptop/phone screen and really miss books proper (that said I am keen for an e-reader for the ease and reduction in a need for storage space/waste). My Mum got me Ottolenghi's latest (with Noor Murad) OTK: Shelf Love for Christmas and it's beautiful so I'll take a look through that, as well as Camilla Wynne's Jam Bake which I got myself and barely looked at. Those two are not really reading books though.