#i basically told him that I've had a very different experience. not to like brag but like most women will have better luck on apps (also hi

[ubike-official]

date back on for sunday now. His friend is okay. thank god. And uhhh, yea now we're finally be fr about the "hey we met on a dating, lets be so fr about what our experience has been" uncharted territory besties. we're not at "so what are you looking for?" but i already essentially told him my approach is to just really try getting to know ppl i find interesting and letting a spark develop from there w/o pressure. kinda like in school where you consistently see people in casual settings. and he thought it was a good plan so uh. here we are.

[dogsliampaynedoesntinstagram]

You care so much about workers' rights and yet you always defend Louis going on Corden and bragging about waking up his crew in the middle of the night by screaming in their faces. It's not some teenage prank because he said he's doing it on this tour. It's not some stag do prank where everyone is best mates. He's the boss, a guy worth £50m, breaking into his employees' rooms with a hotel master key and punishing them for going to bed early by screaming at them or pouring water on their face while they sleep and who knows what else. I think if this was anyone else but Louis you would be appalled.

I don't think I've ever gone into detail about what I think about what Louis said on Corden. Because basically every anon I've ever got about it either missed the important points about the situation - or told me what I thought (or both like this one). I just got an anon that said that I claimed that Louis' crew consented by going on tour with him - which I have absolutely never said.

I've mostly deleted the anons, because it seemed very difficult to get from anons like this to what I thought was important (the dynamics of employment). When I have referred to this in passing - I have round the responses really frustrating. I've realised that I need to take the time to say what I think in full - not just respond to an anons framing. And I've decided to use this anon to do so.

*******

We know that as part of 1D, Louis was a bad employer, particularly to women. We know that Lou Teasdale felt like she had to give up drinking if she was going to be able to keep her job, a choice that men didn't have to make. We know that female employees were fired after they slept with 1D members. And we know that he discriminates against women now.

I believe that most employers do terrible things, because having control over people's livelihood is a terrible power to have. One of the goals of my life is to avoid ever having a job where I have hiring and firing power over other people.

So my starting point - when it comes to 1D members as employers - was that I expected their actions would in no way aligned with my values and it's the ability to deprive someone of their livelihood that is most important to me. This was obviously reinforced when I learned that women who slept with 1D members had been fired.

*******

Then on Corden Louis said that he used his master key to get into the room of his touring party if they went to bed too early - and used the example of yelling at his manager a couple of weeks ago and then told a story about how 1D treated a security guard.

That didn't fundamentally change my view of him as an employer, because of my starting point.

But it did bring in a specific way that he might be much worse than I knew (although I'm assuming that we don't know the worst of their employment practices). One was the story was very vague - and focused on his manager - the only person/people in the touring party who aren't in an employment relationship with Louis. A range of possibilities could exist below that story - some would be much worse than others. For example, it could be that anyone in the touring party is at risk of being woken up by a screaming Louis and if they have a problem they'll get fired. Or it could be that anyone in the touring party is at risk of getting woken up by a screaming Louis. Or it could be that once you've joined a tour sesh you're at a wide range of risks of people doing things to you, which include Louis screaming at you. All of those would be compatible with the story Louis told - and for me they have very different implications (as do lots of other variables).

The key issue is how the touring party experiences this. Can people opt out from it all? Do people feel pressured to participate to keep their jobs? Those sorts of questions are key - and we just don't know (more on the implications of what we don't know later).

I think it's really dangerous to treat these questions as if they don't matter, because that ends up meaning treating consent and the use of power as if it doesn't matter. People can consent to a drinking session where one of the risks is that someone yells at you once you go to bed.

I have been very frustrated to get anons interpreting this as an argument that we know that tour members consented. Or an argument that they consented by joining the tour. I have not made and would not make either of those arguments. My point is the opposite - that we don't know how they experience this - and holding that lack of knowledge is important.

*******

There are two reasons that I think this is important. The first is that an argument 'nobody could consent to this' is a dangerous one that has generally been used to promote rape culture more than promote consent. People consent to all sorts of things - and people sleep with their bosses fully consenting. If you argue that no-one would consent to something then one example of someone consenting undermines other people's consent. If you argue that people's consent matters, then you have to mean that and allow space for their experience to matter.

The other is that employers can do huge damage with actions that seem relatively benign - if they're threatening people's livelihoods. I think it's easy to demphasise power if you focus on individual actions.

I think that the anons I've got around this have almost entirely de-emphasised the importance of both consent and power by saying 'this is the bad action'. And I don't want to do that - which has made it almost imposssible

To me there is no greater demonstration of that than the number of anons I've got who have said that Louis crossed a line and they can never look at him the same way again. We know that he was in charge of a company that fired women for sleeping with men with power. I don't understand how anyone could listen to what he said on Corden and think that it was worse than that.

*******

The final question, that I've struggled to make space to answer in all the layers of discourse, is what impact does this have on my view of Louis?

And here I come back to the framing that I used when talking about fans at barricade - the question of risk.

As I've said above - I don't know how the touring party experience any of this. But Louis probably doesn't either. He might know that they hate it and is ignoring that, but even if he thinks that people who he does it to are OK with it when he does it - he's at a very high risk of being wrong. One of the things that employers need to realise is the impact of their power. When interacting with employees it's important to know that they could hate it and they won't tell you.

There are things an employer can do to have an impact on this dynamic (if anyone has ever lost their jobs - that'll greatly increase the possibility that people will feel the need to hide their reaction. If an employer responds in a positive way to people criticising them it might be increasing the chances that people feel safe criticising them), but they can't get rid of it.

The story Louis told suggests he doesn't have a very good understanding of that reality and his own power. And not understanding your power is pretty risky when it comes to harming people with it.

I do think it's an important piece of information about Louis as an employer. It sits alongside the other things i know - such as the sort of employers 1D are - and what I can see about discriminatory employment practices because I have eyes. But it doesn't really make a difference to the range of what I think he's like as an employer.

[princessslut6969]

I'm not gonna invite ppl already on that post to come crucify me, & it's a quote already, so.

.

[“A secret about lesbian sex that I don’t think I have ever seen written about before is that lesbians appreciate different things about the vulva and vagina than do straight men. If popular culture and the rise of vaginal tightening and rejuvenation procedures are any indication, straight men value a “tight” vagina. But this is incomprehensible to me as a dyke. If I only had a nickel for every time I have heard queer people brag about being size queens with capacious vaginas and/or anuses that welcome fists and giant dildos, I’d be a rich woman! In queer space, what makes an orifice “good” is not how it feels to the person going inside it (for whom it might make sense for the emphasis to be on tightness) but how the orifice feels about itself: what it wants, what it can do, what it can enjoy. For many humans, the capacity to take something very large into one’s body is extremely pleasurable, and this is much more difficult when one has been told that the goal is to keep all orifices small and tight. It is fine, of course, if size is not one’s thing, but the point here is that it makes queer people—like my comrades quoted above—quite sad that in straight culture, a vagina is evaluated according to its capacity to please men and not its capacity to experience pleasure.”]

-- Jane Ward, The Tragedy of Heterosexuality

.

...That... is also incomprehensible to me? I guess, marry a man who's written by a woman?

& despite anything else I write or reblog, Hunny is straight, deadset against anything anal for him, & super masculine. Picture bodybuilder-dadbod, absolutely covered in hair.

.

Just a few hours ago, we had basically non-penetrative sex. His idea, even. Both came sooo hard.

We finally had one of our only two nights a week together, so when I seemed restless...

"What's the matter?"

"I'm horny..."

I'm still on my period, so I still have my cup in. Well, he wasn't about to let that stop him. He wasn't even horny himself, yet, lol. He pulled me into spooning me & fingered me til I came. It didn't take much, but it also simply wasn't a wild one I had brewing. Ah, sated enough to sleep, & not enough energy to do anything else. Sleepy. 🥰

But he wasn't happy with how not-crazy my orgasm was. 😈 He had other suggestions.

"Nah... I am sleepy now... It's okay."

"Can I rub my dick on your clit?" 😈

😳 "YES."

He wasn't even hard yet so not like he was trying to deal with taking care of that. Just missed me. Just in missionary, just spit-wetted dick between labia, just the pressure between us. (And a couple of his other tricks. 😏) But, clinically, no ~vaginal penetration. I have no idea how many times I came even, since he just never stopped, til I literally had to push him away & ride out my own freak out, practically crying (good) & almost screaming (good). 🤤

I finished sucking him off - as he fingered me again. No mercy. 😫 Made me go so wild on him. Back thigh pulling, ball squeezing, back-of-throat, moaning -- He came sooo hard, & twice as long as usual.

.

So, no, I don't know what it's like, to ever have a guy even come close to ignoring my pleasure.

True, I've only had full-on sex with 2 other guys besides Hunny. Both also straight to the best of my knowledge. But 1 had an oral fixation. The other 1 was only a few times, but also wonderful.

.

Yeah, "tight" pressure feels good to them. That's not bad in & of itself? How the... That's like saying you shouldn't care about getting pressure on your clit. 🙄

There's still wetness to take into account even. And, speaking of "size queens" or whatever, anyone even- we like to feel filled! Girth is more important than length! We like the other side of that pressure, hello???

.

She's just complaining about her partners ignoring what feels good to her. That may be a very widespread, mainstream, common problem, but that's not *because* the guy is straight. 🙄 What decent guy doesn't care about the girl feeling good? That's a requirement.

And, maybe she doesn't know this from never getting this far, but ever see a guy's reaction to your vagina climaxing and orgasming all around his dick? 🤨

[trippz2ill2ace8itout]

⭐🥀TRIGGER WARNING!!

Introducing Last Night At 3AM. I Lost Control. Yet Another Breakdown, I Had about 30 breakdowns. No pity sympathy or attention. && NO I WAS NOT ON DRUGS! I'm over 1 year sober. Alvaro took over (one of my demons/alters) && Dancing Fire (another one) possessed me to the point I almost got a cop call. I don't wanna be a burden &: I wanna save fix care support be there for everyone and everything. I'm sick of being alive. But I can't do anything stupid cuz of me getting concerved to a state institution (which is way different than a mental hospital) cuz I've been in 215 mental hospitals & got diagnosed Critically/Clinically Insane plus over 10+ mental hospitals. All I have is my mom. The breakdowns the vivid flashbacks the mental illnesses getting 10x worse. No treatment will take me cuz I've been to all of them to many times. I can't process anything. My mind imprisons me. I dissociate 89 to 99% of the day. I've been thru every single sorts of treatments/medication I've had trauma 24/7 from 2001-2018. I'm losing my mind. And everyday it's the same thing and people get tired of hearing it.I'm so done with dealing with this everyday. I don't need sympathy. I just don't know man. My mom&& lil brother doesn't want me home, I can't explain what's wrong or going on. I don't wanna be a burden. I'm sorry man. I wanted to self harm again but I didn't. Imagine all my mental illnesses multiplied by 10. Imagine EVERYDAY HAVING VIVID FLASHBACKS AND 22+ Mental Breakdowns a day. I.am sorry if I'm negative. I'm sorry. I just wanna save and fix the world. When people ask me "how are u" idk how much reply. I'm sick of my mind. I feel like darkness is controlling me. I pray A LOT. Alvaro literally possesses me and gets in my body. I have mostly every mental health diagnosis there is. And NO I'M NOT PROUD OF IT I'M NOT BRAGGING OR GLORIFYING It. I just wanna help everyone and everything. Along the my mental health, I have autism, narcolepsy anorexia Etc. My diagnosis list is so long and I don't wanna be known for that. I can't even leave my house. When ever I feel a lil bit better, here comes Alvaro. But again I don't wanna be a burden. It's my job to be there for everyone else NOT THE OTHER WAY AROUND. I can't take this anymore. No pity sympathy or attention. I can't seek help cuz then they'll send me to a institution cuz I've been in to many mental hospitals. I'm doing the best I can. But I'm about to snap. I can't function. And I'm getting worse. I don't want attention I want to be OK. I've dealt with all this hell most of my life. It's hard to explain. On top of that. My physical state is getting worse. I'm finding more reasons to die than to live. I'm over 1 year sober. I'm a huge hypocrite when it comes out taking my own advice. I don't love myself. But i am over caring sensitive and I help obsessively. I repeat myself idk I'm just not OK. I'm losing contact with reality. I'm scared to keep going. But I got this.🥀⭐

🥀⭐Your Enough

Your Worth It.

Your Life Has Purpose

This To Shall Pass

Im here for all y'all in anyway I possibly can.

I'm sorry if I'm annoying. I'm sorry

Stay Strong && Keep Breathing ⭐🥀

🌙🌙🔥🔥🖤🖤🥀🥀HUGE TRIGGER WARNING🥀🥀🖤🖤🔥🔥🌙🌙

🥀🥀🔥🔥Hey my name is Izzy && I'm a recovering drug addict && alcoholic with over 1 year sober. This is the longest I've been sober being out of treatment. I've used mostly every drug there is. Being homeless 13 times. In 215 mental hospitals. In 3 foster homes (2 out of 3 were abusive) group homes, unlocked and locked treatment centers, rehabs shelters, crisis centers. Short and long term treatment centers. Which none will take me back cuz I've been there to many times. I've sold myself && got tortured abused raped drugged up for drugs and money to raise my unbio son, Anthony. I lost custody cuz of false accusations. I've had multiple near death experiences (some were suicide attempts && some were naturally done) my drug of choice was meth. I've had trauma 24/7 from 2001-2018, over 10+ mental illnesses. Some were caused from a few bad trips on PCP that I never came back from. I was sleeping anywhere I could rest my head, I had to be alert at all times. Tbh I havent been to a meeting in awhile. My sponsor is like family to me. I'm redoing all my steps. I'm on step 2. I've lost a shit ton of people to drugs and I was literally getting cop calls everyday. Drugs messed with my life. And having this much clean time is amazing. Most of my life I've gotten abused raped, literally tortured and drugged up. Sold. Prostituted, almost killed. But no pity sympathy or attention pls. Any clean time is good time. And I'm proud of all of you in recovery drug addiction is a special kinda hell. Drugs become your priority and your best friend. I got tortured on the daily by people coming in one by one torturing me from orders from Kimberly (my ex fiance who hung herself in front of me) it was one by one. I got so caught on in drugs that it was the only way I knew. I used to numb the pain. I'm so blessed I found God again. Now I have 22+ mental breakdowns a day every day. I found out it had a lot to do with my drug use.🔥🔥🥀🥀

🥀🖤Thank you for breathing even when u wanted to die. Drugs kill you. There's nothing about it to be proud of its serious. You Matter Yo Important Yo A Someone Yo Enough Yo Worth It Yo Have A Purpose, Yo Have A Story, A Message, A Voice, A Reason, Yo A Warrior, A Soldier, A Survivor, A Fighter. You Are U && NoOne Can Be You, But YOU. Your Life Matters YOU MATTER, Yo Life Has Value &% I'm Glad Your Alive. Thank U For Being Alive. People say that I help everyone and everything obsessively && I don't stop. It's very true. This is a shout out to my unbio son that I raised as my own, Anthony Castillo-Martinez, I met him at one of the many abusive foster homes. Where it was owned illegally by Andrea/Angela && Jimmy Miller. We got tortured daily. They were not licensed foster parents. I met Lil Toni there and I escaped with him to meet up with Kimberly. We lived in a run down hotel in LA. I became homeless again. Toni got me through so much and even tho I can't find him (he's been gone for years) your my lil baby. I will always love u. U are my world and one day I hope to see u again. I hope you have a good home now. Going to school. Just doing well in general. And I'm sorry for you witnessing what Kimberly was doing to me. I love u babes with all my heart. 🖤🥀

🖤🔥🥀I failed Cedar House twice. This was a rehab in San Bernardino, California. I lied my way out. And I regret it. Funny thing is I already read the entire NA Basic Text && The AA Big Book. I have multiple sobriety apps on my phone and I have an app that that has NA && AA Speakers on it. I'm reading the How && Why and I'm so proud of myself && I couldn't have got this far without my sponsor, Jaclyn. She understands me better than any sponsor I've had in recovery. Here's a list of my mental disorders, some were caused Or made worse by drugs and alcohol🥀🔥🖤

🌙🔥🔥Schizo-Affective, Bipolar

ADHD, OLD, ODD,

PTSD, Insomnia

Depression, Anorexia

Anxiety, Autism

Borderline Personality Disorder

Severe Brain Damage

Attachment Disorder

Dissociative Identity Fund..

Multiple Personality Disorder

Narcolepsy, Critically/Clinically Insane🔥🔥🌙

🖤🥀Listen I don't need your pity, sympathy or attention these were all diagnosed by over 5 psychiatrists, and diagnosed "Insane" by over 10 doctors. DO NOT SELF DIAGNOSE!!!! Anyways. I attempted suicide over 100 times. Self harmed in anyway possible. They say I'm the most high maintenance case in the system of California. And the next time I go to a mental hospital I'm getting sent to a state institution. I would do anything to get drugs. Jeremy && Izzie Baraz were my street partners. They both passed away. All I have left in blood family is my mom and brother. My mom. Says if I pick up drugs one more time I'm never aloud back in her house. My dad injected me with meth and heroin at age 9, he also tortured me daily. He passed away in 2011. I'm glad he's dead. But I take full responsibility for my drug and alcohol habits. And I hope I never go back. One Day At A Time.🥀🖤

🔥🥀This To Shall Pass, If Not Today There's Always Tomorrow

God, Grant Me The Serenity

To Accept The Things I Cannot Change

The Courage To Change The Things I Can. &&

The Wisdom To Know The Difference

Amen🥀🔥

🔥🔥Keep Coming Back It Works If You Work It🔥🔥

🔥🔥A Moment Of Silence, For The Addict Who Still

Suffers, In And Out Of These Rooms🔥🔥

🔥🔥Staying Clean, Im Never Going Back🔥🔥

🥀🖤I almost relapsed again on New Year's. I almost asked a stranger to buy me Vodka. But God told me to stop.

I'm Always Here 4 All Of You, No matter What.

I'd Do Anything To Keep Y'all Alive && Breathing. To Make U OK. to Save && Fix U && Take Your Pain Away. I Love Y'all. Keep Coming Back.🖤🥀