#i am so on this random trans womans side bc you just know that those Totally Innocent Slip Ups are just ppl punishing her for not doing one

[bi-lesbian]

when i have a VERY slight attraction to men, it makes the bi label not feel extremely accurate for myself. it has nothing to do with "internal biphobia," i know since my attraction crosses more than one gender at all it means bi bc bi spans across a bunch of different percentages of attractions- but thats exactly the issue here.

when bi can mean SO many different attractions, its hard to have it feel specific enough to describe my identity well. things like "bi with a preference" doesnt feel right either bc it sounds more like around 25% men when my attraction is more like 1 or 2% men. but i also dont want to not use bi at all bc even tho my attraction to men is So Extremely Small- and i probably wont even date/want to date any men in the future- i dont want to exclude my attraction to them completely.

i feel so much more strongly attached to the lesbian label bc i feel like it describes a lot more of my identity better than just bi does, but since i do have that tiny portion of attraction to men, lesbian by itself doesnt feel accurate to use either.

so, i went with bi lesbian! putting them together for me means something different and more specific than either word means individually, so it just felt like an "in between" identity to label a very specific attraction! where neither word is a descriptor for the other, and im not using either on its own, it feels like it puts my identity down way better! i found something that feels right!

but then, people started to attack me for using this label. not even giving my side a single thought, people would shout me down and say that any amount of attraction to men i have means im just bi, say im a lesbophobe/biphobe/transphobe (?? bc other ppl have apparently used the label shittily against trans ppl when i dont at all???), and constantly push me away from the lesbian label when That one is the one i felt more accurate with if i had to use just one label or the other. ppl try to force me out of a label that feels most comfortable to me, for reasons like "men use the label to harrass lesbians" when those men arent even respecting any womens boundaries in the slightest to begin with ?? why am i being attacked and said to not be able to use my identity when some men out there think they have a chance/can force a woman to like them regardless of their identity? why are the actions of shitty men having the blame forced onto me?

so then, im just left here in this sort of limbo of not really feeling like i belong to either side of my bi lesbian identity. i either dont feel like i fit or made to not feel like i fit. and its really upsetting. ive been having axiety here n there the past few days and i just labeled it random anxiety, but i still figure its probably actually bc people wont leave me alone on my own identity and keep attacking me when i just want to exist and be happy. i dont want to force anyone into accepting my identity, but everyone seems to think its okay to yell their views on my identity at me when i never asked for it. its stressful.

i even made a positivity blog to try have a nice space for myself and people still just dont let up. seriously how can yall see a positivity blog and think its okay to be a dick to the person running it? try to excuse it all u like, its super fucking shitty. if someone has a positivity blog its probably bc theyre having too much negativity in their life. if you dont like the things theyre showing positivity for, hit the fucking block button. leave. them. the. fuck. alone.

im so fucking tired