#i am so fucking hangry and i am going to explode things with my mind i fucking hate ableds dude so much

[the-moogle-of-your-nightmares]

there is a special place for ableds who know you have multiple instances of Can't Fucking Find Anything Disease, and not only give you the absolute fucking minimum information about basic essentials you NEED FREE ACCESS TO, and not only respond to you asking about it with 'oh sure i'll go bring you some! :) [minimum amount that can be carried by a human being with one hand],' and not only give you extremely vague 'uhhhh idk it might be floating around [one of three completely different entire areas of the house],' and not only mysteriously have no idea where it's kept when you press about it and have to go on an extremely long searching spree in which you have to stand there uncomfortably while they turn the entire house upside down for something they absolutely should be able to find in a minute tops, and not only lie to you about where it fucking is when finally manage to wring the location out of them and go 'haha whoopsie :)' when you flag them down again to tell them it's not there, but ACTIVELY FUCKING MOVE THINGS AFTER THEY PUT THEM SOMEWHERE YOU COULD FIND AND ACCESS THEM, that is so far down in hell the devil himself needs binoculars to see it

[bhaalsdeepbat]

having a smoke while i take a brief break from my furious writing so here are some disability in BG3 thoughts.

karlach, shadowheart, gale, and astarion all have acquired disability shit going on and they aren't perfect allegories but it's there nonetheless. i'm just going over the physical ones tho

karlach has a literal heart condition that is acquired (through the selling of her labor, directly leading to her body being permanently disabled, but that's another thread entirely i just wanted to mention it). her heart is all hardware that is burning her from the inside out. It's terminal without returning to Avernus bc it's environmentally reactive (reminds me of heat/cold intolerance). her choice in the end, karlach either decides she doesn't want to continue living with the condition or she fights a little longer and it's just long enough for them to find a technological advancement that can improve her quality of life.

Shadowheart's Sharran wound causes chronic pain and whether or not she has life-long chronic pain to suffer through is like. a core part of her character arc. It's something she just kinda has to live with because she has no other option. her's being tied into either living with it and having her parents or living with the loss of knowing she killed her parents, but being free of the chronic pain? i fucking cried. because that was a choice i could not believe she had to make and like. i have chronic pain and just. that scene was *chef's kiss* hit me in a way i wasn't fucking expecting.

Gale and the orb. So, Gale's arcane hunger at the start of the game is something that causes him physical discomfort, then pain, until he can feel himself getting ready to literally explode, unless he has a magical item he can allow the Karsite Weave to consume the magic from. If you don't feed him your magic shoes, you can see him standing there in agony, and he's very hangry when you talk to him. the whole thing gave "chronic pain and needing something to take the edge off it" vibes. And he'll call your ass out if you ask him if he's addicted to magical items.

Vampirism is already considered a disease, but the specific thing i was thinking about was the hunger. It's something that's painful, both for body and mind. Plus the sensory overwhelm of heightened senses, especially if the vampire has been starved and their predatory senses are turned up 100000% to try and get them to hunt. But Astarion just could not. This was the thought that sparked me to be like "yeah this is my disabled crew"

and like in a world with magic, it makes sense for acquired disabilities to generally be of magical origin (unless you can't afford a healer). i also have thoughts about drow eugenics. just. ig i am now thinking about other world building things now lol

[delightfulstarlightparadise]

Imagine Eijirou Kirishima and Reader

Part 3

Previous part here:

Before we begin I remind you that English is not my main language, but I am doing my best to write it as accurately as I can 😁.

During a class in which people are talking about you being attacked by a villain you recieve many texts from Red Riot, which he claims were sent by his friends. Later that day you are called by him, in name of Fat Gum, to retell what you remember from the attack, once they think the villain had an accomplice. You can describe everything exactly how it happened, once your quirk is unforgetable memory. You pass out after using it because it makes you tired, so Red Riot takes you home. He declares he wants to be your friend, but you tell him to leave you alone, because you can't bring yourself to be friends with a hero, once it reminds you how your father was acidentally killed by one when you were a kid, and everytime you remember something is like you live that again. But Kirishima is persistent and shows up at your home once more. He takes you to have Ice cream and talks about all of his friends. You end up enjoying this time spent with him and when he says he will come back again, you agree to have him visit you like this.

The doorbell rings and you know it is him again. You put on your shoes and go downstairs, and there he is, wearing his school uniform and smiling at you with those sharp teeth.

He had been coming every single day for two weeks now.

"Hi." you say as you leave the building.

"Hey! Hã?! You are going to go back to work?"

You are wearing the bakery's uniform. The bakery's repairs were finally done and you were called to help restok it.

You nod to Kirishima and the both of you start walking towards the city.

"Do you like working there?" he asks.

You nod to him again while he hands you an apple. You are getting used to him bringing you food when he comes to visit. He usually swiches among candy, snacks and fruits and seem to try to pay attention to your reaction everytime you got it. Once you didn't tell him much about yourself, it seemed like he was trying to guess what you liked.

"My friend Bakugo sometimes works at a shop too. He sells CDs. I didn't know people still bought those until he told me." he said while eating his apple.

You thought it was funny seeing him eat, every bite seemed like a predator crushing his pray. By now you knew he liked fruits and meat a lot. He rarely ate candy and loved excercising in the morning and at night.

You also knew all of his friends' names and the way he was related to them. This "Bakugo" showed up a lot in his stories. Also there was a girl called "Mina" about whom he spoke a lot, they seemed to know each other since they were kids. You were a bit afraid that he liked one of them.

He told you stories about their interactions in classes, playing videogames, sports and many other things friends did. But everytime he spoke about any kind of hero subjects, you stoped paying attention. He noticed it and, eventually, stopped bringing these up.

"I have been missing a lot of classes so sometimes I have to catch up at night, it is very tiring sometimes. Bakugo stopped helping me 'cause he is kind of angry about not having gotten his license... anyway, I haven't beeing sleeping so well, it makes me grumpy sometimes." he is blabing out of anxiety of seeing you quiet again.

"You don't have to fill in my every silence, you know?" you say while you sit down in a bench. "I am a bit tired too, let's stop walking a while."

Kirishima sits down next to you, but with a lot of room between you and him in the bench. He presses his hands against each other and start snaping his fingers. Silence seems to make him unconfortable.

"I... saw a nice dorama yesterday..." you say.

"Really?! You like doramas?! Not that I don't like them. I mean, they are fine... I watch them sometimes. Mina likes doramas, she makes me watch some..."

He suddenly realizes whe is speaking over you and swallows his breath, blushed. You can't help but laugh at it.

"I like some doramas. I like anime too... I... I watch a lot of TV." you say, scratching the back of your neck and thinking about how to proceed.

It had been so long since you last had a conversation with someone about the things you liked. You tell him about them (what are these? Take some time to picture it) and Kirishima excitedly asks every question that comes to his mind about them. Even some that might seem a little dumb, but it was cute of him to show so much interest over you and your things.

"I... I have to go to work now." You say, interrupting your nice conversation. "Thanks for the apple. Have a nice..."

You stop talking when you realize how close you are from each other. It seems like every moment of the conversation you got a bit closer. Kirishima's face was really close to yours now.

Your heartbeat increases, you feel your stomach take a turn, your body fills with goosebumps. He is not stepping away, but neither are you. Actually, he seems to be coming closer.

He looks to the side, he seems embarassed, but doesn't get away. Then, his eyes lock on yours. His face is blushed.

"Can... can I kiss you?" he asks.

You feel all your body freeze at that moment. Your voice fails, you don't know what to answer. You don't even know if you can speak anymore, so you gather all the courage inside of you to nod.

Kirishima slowly lands his warm hands in your cheeks and gently pulls your face towards his. Your lips lock together and this moment seems to extend for an eternity.

When he separates your kiss,he smiles at you in the most sweet way.

"Excuse me... I don't... I don't mean to interrupt you, but you are really late, Red Riot, and Fat Gum is hangry." Suneater's voice comes from beside you.

You let go a scream and pushes Kirishima away, standing up and staring at Suneater, who stares back at you as scared as you are. So, you do the only thing your brain can think of: you flee as fast as you can.

You can hear Kirishima call your name, but you are already too far away.

...

You lay down after a long day of work and unlock your phone's screen. There is a message there since you left Kirishima sitting in that bench, but you were to anxious to see it.

"Sorry, I shouldn't have done that." you read.

You spend sometime looking at those words and many bad things come to your mind. Maybe he had regretted it. Maybe he realized how much of a weirdo you were and was now thinking horrible things about you. Maybe you were a really bad kisser.

You lock your phone's screen again and turn to the other side, hugging a pillow and closing your eyes. You could feel every single second of that moment again.

You open your eyes and force yourself not to think about it. But then, again, the moment you get distracted, you are living it again. Once more. And another time.

You hug your pillow tight and trap yourself in that moment until morning.

...

You wake up to the sound of the doorbell. You run to the intercom, sleeppy and dizzy. When you put it in your ear you hear a strange voice:

"Y/n right?! Open up!"

"Bakugo, we shouldn't..."

"Shut up funny hair! I can't stand your whining anymore, we are gonna sort this out NOW."

You get confused by the discussion you hear, until the sound of an explosion comes from the outside.

"YOU BETTER OPEN THAT DOOR!"

It is so threatening, you press the button to open without even thinking.

Not a minute later your door is burst open and a blond guy comes stomping in, pulling Kirishima by the necktie.

"You! Why didn't you text him back?!" he asks ponting at you as if he is about to kill you.

You feel your legs weaken and lean against the wall wondering if you should pick up your phone and call the police.

"Answer!!" he says and from his hands some sparkles start coming out.

"Bakugo stop!" Kirishima says, forcing him to put his hand down.

"SO YOU BETTER MAN UP AND START SOLVING YOUR PROBLEMS INSTEAD OF FUCKING WHINING AROUND THE WHOLE FUCKING MORNING!!!" He screams, tossing Kirishima in front of you.

The same unexpected way he showed up, Bakugo stomps away almost exploding with anger and cursing at Kirishima.

When he disappears through the stairs, you almost pass out in relief.

"I am so sorry about it." Kirishima says. "He... he is not a bad person, I swear."

"Let me guess, that is Bakugo." you say, slipping on the wall until you are sitten.

Kirishima reaches to you and kneels by your side.

"Yeah. It is him. Sorry."

"You know what? You apologize too much." You say, still trying to calm yourself down. "J... just, close... lock... put the sofa in front of the door, or something."

Kirishima giggled as if you were joking, but when he sees you staring at him pale of fright, he stands up and go lock the door. Then, he takes you some water.

"Ahm... you... you are in pijamas." he says after you finish drinking.

You can see he is blush to see you in such a loosen kind of clothes. He notices you notice it, and turns his face to the side.

You ask him to wait and set up on work clothes.

"I am really sorry about Bakugo. It is just that..." he starts.

You sit in front of him by the table.

"He said you were... whining..."

"Well I... why didn't you answer my text?" he asks seeming unconfortable with the situation.

"I didn't want to bother you." you answer shrinking your shoulders up.

"Bother? I... I got really worried. I thought you ran away because you were mad at me." Kirishima said.

"I ran away because Suneater scared me... I got nervous I... I am not good with this kind of stuff." you stutter, and star snapping your fingers in anxiety.

Kirishima lays his hand on top of yours and this calls your attention to him. He is smiling at you.

"Hey do you... do you want to date me?"

You stare at him in silence caused by a complete shut down of your thoughts. He slowly stops smiling and starts looking worried, so, not wanting to see him that way, you body reacts imediately by nodding.

He opens up the biggest smile and jumps from his chair, picking you up in his arms and hugging you the thighest you've ever been hugged.

"Kirishima! Slow down!" you say, both embarassed and anxious.

He doesn't even listen and starts smacking your face with little kisses and saying how much he has been dying to ask you that and how happy he is you've said yes. You can't bring yourself to resist it. Actually, you enjoy every second of it and when you see it, your arms are actually revolving him softly.

When he notices it, he stops kissing your cheeks and stares at you with a smirk. You feel your face warm up. He kisses you on the lips, slowly and you kiss him back. He, then, leans his forehead on yours and let go a passionated shigh.

"You are so great, y/n." He says, and then gets back to covering your face with kisses until he makes you giggle.

...

"Hey, you! Bread now, please!!"

You snap out of your thoughts and run to pick the client's request. You have been distracted these days, each lapse of memory is like living again every moment you spend with Kirishima.

He comes everyday, like before. But now you walk holding hands. He kisses you hello and goodbye and...

He sometimes shows up at the end of your shift and takes you home.

The first time he asked to go upstairs with you, you let, out of innocence. You didn't expect a guy so soft as Kirishima to pull you to the sofa and start kissing you so passionately as he did.

That is what he did every time: got you on his lap and didn't stop kissing you and getting his hands all over you, until it was about time he had to go back to his academy. He would, then, kiss you gently on the forehead and say goodbye. He never went any further and this made you feel absolutely hot for him. But it also made you feel safe.

You don't remember ever feeling that safe after what happened to your father.

You liked how he pretended to bite you with his pointy teeth. He liked tickling you too. He loved to hear you laugh, he said, many times.

Someone called your attention again. Your heart stops when you see a pink girl stopped in front of you pointing at the strawberry cake in the display.

"Can I have this to eat here?" She asks. "Could you bring three of these for me and my friends outside sitting outside?"

You nod to her, hoping she can't see how shocked you are.

"And... do you have something spicy?"

You let go a gag o terror because Bakugo bursting into your house comes knocking down your thoughts and you relive those moments of fear.

"Ahn... spicy chocolate bonbons..." you stutter.

"Ok! Give me some of these too, please."

She smiles at you and leaves the bakery. You see them through the glass door, Kirishima's friends sitting outside. They seem to be happily laughing about something, ecxept for Bakugo, who has a grumpy face on, arms crossed.

You try to ask for someone else to take them what they want, but your colleagues are busy. You take a deep breath and get outside with their requests.

Your hands shake. You can't help it. As you serve Kaminari, Mina and Sero, it seems fine, they are too distracted talking about a difficult class they had. But when you give Bakugo his bonbons, he stares at you and says:

"Thanks, y/n."

Mina let go a shriek and Kaminari even spits some of his cake. Sero turns to you and a big smile comes to his face. The three of them scream "THAT IS YOU!" and stand up.

You try to hide behind the tray.

"Omg! Kirishima is SO LUCKY! You are SO cute!" Mina says, shaking you by your shoulders.

"Have you already..." Kaminari starts saying and you feel like you are going to pass out.

"DENKI DON'T ASK THAT KIND OF THING!" Mina says hitting him on the head.

"Kirishima speaks of you all the time." Sero says. "Seriously, sometimes I even want him to shut up about it."

"Who'd say Eijirou would be the first among us to get in a relationship?" Mina says, sighing, seeming disappointed.

"I thought I would be the first one." Kaminari says.

"You will probably be the last." Mina says.

"Oh Mina, that is so mean." Sero says, laughing at Kaminari's beaten face.

You feel like you really need to run away from there. No wonder they are Kirishima's friends. They are all so bright and happy, like him. And loud. And you...

You look at how handsome and cool Bakugo seems to be and how pretty and confident Mina is. Maybe he should be with someone like them not a weirdo like you.

This thought takes the anxiety away from you. It gets replaced by insecurity. You shouldn't stay any longer, they will find out how strange you are. You don't want Kirishima's friends to know how awful you are.

"Can... I get you anything else?" you say.

"What time do you leave today?! I will tell Kirishima to meet us here after his extra class. Let's all hang out together!" Mina says.

You freeze without a proper answer in mind. The three of them stare at you full of expectations, but their faces start to turn into worried expressions the longer you take.

"Y/n has to go back to the shift. Stop being so annoying, the three of you!" Bakugo intercedes, slamming the table and making the three of them sit down. "Go already!" He says, turning to you.

You run back to the bakery, scared, but relieved.

As you work, you keep checking on them. They are still there, every time. They don't seem to be leaving any soon.

When your boss tells you to clean up to leave, you see Kirishima coming towards them in a hurry. You see the three of them laughing at him, but he seems to reply angrily, and then say something to Bakugo that makes him even angrier. They both seem to discuss for a while and Bakugo punches him in the head.

Kirishima seems to apologize and then, comes in. You are so unconfortable with the whole situation, you feel like hiding from him.

"Listen, I really didn't know they would do this..." he starts saying.

"Please, don't do these kind of things." you whisper, head down.

"I am really sorr..."

"I don't want you to fight your friends because of me." you say. "They are all so nice and I am..."

Kirishima stares at you with an angry frown.

"You are what?" he asks.

"I..."

He holds you from your wirst and brings you out to his friends.

"Bakugo! Apologize!!" Kirishima says.

"FOR WHAT?!" He replies seeming like he is about to burst in flames.

"You know y/n has anxiety issues, you shouldn't have tossed y/n to these nuts without me!"

"I got them over control, DIDN'T I?!" Bakugo asks you.

You nod frenetically, by fear.

"Anyway you should have told me you were going to bring them here!" Kirishima yelled.

"Well, you were taking too long to introduce y/n to us!" Bakugo replied.

They seemed about to get physical with that fight.

"APOLOGIZE!!"

"OK, I AM FUCKING SORRY! DAMN!" Bakugo replies standing up and hitting the table.

"P...please don't break the bakery's furniture." you stutter.

"SORRY!" Bakugo yells as if he is about to kill you.

You hide behind Kirishima, but he pulls you to his side again.

"So... now... PROPERLY. This is y/n, the person I told you I am in love with. This person is the most sweet, amazing and wonderful I have ever met. Please, be gentle."

They all smile at you... even Bakugo does. Kaminari, Mina and Sero stand up and bow at you.

"It is so nice to meet you! Kirishima says so many nice things about you! I couldn't wait for us to become friends. Sorry if I stepped out of your boundaries." Mina says, gently taking your hands between hers.

"Please, let us know if we are being too invasive." Sero says. "I will make sure I tape Kaminari, then."

"Hey!!" Kaminari replies. "I know a thing or two about social boundaries."

"Yeah, that is why your friends with Mineta." Bakugo says.

They all let go a "ooooh" and even you giggle once you understand the joke.

You look at Kirishima and he is smiling at you.

You finish cleaning up and go outside to meet them. They take you to an arcade where you all play dancing and guitar games and eat cotton candy.

At first, you just observe them playing from a distance, when they invite you, you politely refuse and sit near to watch. You see their funny interactions and let yourself laugh at them. They are exactly how Kirishima described to you.

Mina convinces you to go with her get the cotton candy, but when you get there, she starts telling you embarassing stories of Kirishima from when he was a kid. You can't help but laugh at some of them, until Kirishima arrives all pissed off and embarassed. He convinces you to play a dance game with him and you both score so badly you only get one prize ticket. You laugh at it.

"Ok, I will get you a prize now! Male's honor!" he says, pushing up his sleaves and walking to a strenght testing game. "Watch me!!"

He hits the target and the machine spits more tickets than you can count. You end up taking home a big shark plushie.

"Hey y/n. How about we play this game together?" Kaminari says, pointing at a game in which you had to memorize the sounds and colors and repeat the patterns.

"Not sure if it is a good idea." you say.

"NOOO, PLAY WITH HIM, PLAY WITH HIM."Kirishima pushes you towards the game, laughing under his breath.

"Nobody beats me in this game, but I will go soft on you." Kaminari says.

"Will you?" you ask rising one eyebrow.

Ten minutes later, Kaminari is on the floor, crying over his lost highscore. Kirishima and Mina are laughing at him.

But you are so concentrated in the game, you don't stop playing. Blue, red, red, yellow, pink, blue. Pink, pink, blue, yellow, green, pink, green, pink.

You barely see the whole arcade gather around you to watch you beat by far all the high scores in the machine. It is cheating, but who didn't cheat with their quirks?

"Is that... It is y/n?!" You listen a familiar voice from your school.

"What, that creep leaves home? Hey, is that Red Riot?"

"RED RIOT?!"

"Hey Red Riot! Give me an autograph!"

You stop paying attention to the game and see that Kirishima is now surrounded by people trying to take pictures with him or asking him about Fat Gum.

You feel dizzy. How much time had it been since you started playing the game? Much time, your quirk had tired you out completely.

You pass out and feel someone hold you. You hear Bakugo blasting something and screaming for everyone to "go the fuck away".

(Next part here:

[nny11writes]

Three’s A Crowd 1

Have some self indulgent nonsense.

Also, I tagged this but in case you don’t have them blocked cw/tw for suicidal ideation, possible body horror, and abusive relationships. Most of it isn’t in graphic detail in this story, but I’d rather safe than sorry.

Please let me know if you’d like me to add any tags to this!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

You’re still trying to meditate through the suffocating darkness when his blatant glaring becomes too much. Well, “glaring”, you suppose. Somehow even without his own separate body Vader has learned how to make it feel like he’s outside of you. Maybe it’s Malachor? It fills you with a petty sort of joy to know that for all his terrible power and overbearing ego, the most powerful thing he can pull from the Sith planet is the ability to annoy you.

You must know by now that this is a fruitless endeavor.

Stars a-fucking-bove, he has the most pretentious vocabulary and snooty tone of anyone you’ve ever met. And you grew up in the Temple!

His shape almost changes in the back of your mind, into an oily black with iridescent purple highlights. It’s his own petty little joy at annoying you.

(Like this is even your fault!)

Your pitiful whinging serves no meaningful purpose.

“I,” you hiss, huff out a lung full of air before starting again with a softer tone, “I am full to rights to be upset about this.”

For a moment, just a moment, there’s a golden warmth from him. You’re just hangry. The sensation is gone as quick as the jab. Vader has a knack for drowning Anakin back under with a snarl.

“If you don’t like my attitude you are welcome to leave. Anytime you want in fact.” You wish that wouldn’t sound so childish. It’s an uncomfortable reminder of the power dynamic you once shared with the monster hitching a free ride in your body. It makes you feel small and stupid in a way you haven’t since you were a teenager.

His shadows snap and you hate feeling so hurt by his disappointment. His voice is grating in your mind, You know full well I cannot.

When you were dueling him at the top of the Temple, the honest truth is that you didn’t expect to survive the encounter. You hoped that you could kill him, stop his reign of darkness and terror, or at least slow him down enough for the others to escape. It wasn’t suicidal, or at least you’re pretty sure it wasn’t. You just knew that he was bigger, stronger, and a Sith Lord on a Sith planet who maybe had a big reason to want to murder you violently. Something went wrong though. No, that’s a little harsh. You did stop him at least but the price was some sort of bantha fodder deus ex machina which left you alive and crushed under his corpse.

Then you’d felt him explode from somewhere behind your heart and you’d struggled to breath.

Then you hadn’t had any control at all.

Vader had pushed his own body off of you, staring at your grime encrusted hands in horror. There had been an icy chill, and you couldn’t breathe, and then Vader coughed while brining your hand to your throat. You couldn’t feel your body when he stood and you couldn’t control it as he moved. He’d lurched sideways as if trying to shove himself back into his own form. When that failed he’d tried to leave the now sealed temple. You refused to help (you didn’t know how to help). You would literally rather starve to death than help Vader escape while wearing your body like a flesh suit.

The two of you had squabled like children fighting over a beloved toy. Yanking control of your body back and forth between one another. Each time you were forced aside was just as jarring as the first, and each time he took it back you felt him grow weaker.

He couldn’t take over, not fully and not for long. Not as long as you don’t want him to.

You couldn’t get rid of him though.

“It’s called positive thinking Vader, it makes me hopeful to imagine a future where I’m not trapped with you.” You make your voice sickeningly sweet, smirking as if he can see your face. Maybe he can.

Vader roils with disgust but falls silent.

You count it as a victory, even as you stand to stretch out all the pains in your body. You work slowly so the world doesn’t go spinning out from under your feet again.  Yesterday, or at least the last time you’d been awake for a while, you got up too fast and fainted. You’d woken up near the exit with Vader’s rage howling around your montrals when he failed to open the door again.

Right now you know that Vader is trying to check out of this experience for a while, apparently mortified and furious over your weakness. You’re not sure what to think about the fact that he still frames you as his apprentice. That you can feel his anger at you failing him and you can feel Anakin’s faint worry over your health under that. It’s uncomfortable and unwanted attention from them both (or just him?). You wish you could claim this is a weird one off, but instead this has become your life now. Everyday shockingly similar and painfully dull, interspersed with terrifying moments where you can’t control your own body and get to see glimpses of someone long gone.

Vader pulls himself back, as far away from you as he can. His viscous shadowy form compacting itself down into the smallest sphere it can. It makes a hollow popping sound when it forms and leaves the smell of sulfur clinging to your skin.

“Petulance doesn’t suit you.” You say, even as you’re grateful for the reprieve. And the smart thing to do would have been to shut up. Too bad it doesn’t even cross your mind to not poke the rancor. “That’s more an Anakin thing I think.”

For one moment your whole body feels like it’s on fire. You howl and drop back to the ground, roughly catching yourself on hands and knees as you start to dry heave from the phantom pain. The echo fades fast enough, but leaves you dizzy and disoriented. You’d count this as a victory, except you know that Vader could have taken over in that moment. That he could have easily overridden you as you flailed to the floor. He either gave you pity, enjoyed watching your pain from a distance, or…or-

Anakin Skywalker is dead. Do not delude yourself. His voice is a whisper that echoes back and forth, shifting tones and crumbling into a fine sand.

(There’s a faint sensation of vicious pride, that golden warmth pulses just below the freezing cold surface of Vader’s mind. If Anakin really is still there, he’s getting stronger.)

“Keep telling yourself that,” you wheeze before collapsing onto your side.

It feels like you’ve been crushed by two cruisers and hit with a full barrage of ion torpedoes. Maybe it’s because there’s two of you now, your capacity to feel pain has gone somewhere off the charts. You hope he doesn’t feel like this all the time, and immediately snort at yourself for the wasted compassion. Before long the dust on the floor clogs your nose and throat, and eventually you manage to roll onto your back just to stop choking to death. It’s only once there, uncomfortably lying on your rear lek that you acknowledge it might be better to roll onto your stomach and just speed the process up.

Vader is oddly quiet considering your burst of ideation. When you thought about throwing yourself down into one of the Temple’s many pits he’d sneered at you in disgust. When you’d considered impaling yourself on your own blades he’d taunted you for it, offering to take control of your arms to have the honor.

You weren’t suicidal when you faced Vader in that duel.

You are willing to admit that you are becoming less mentally stable everyday that passes with a Sith Lord stuck in your head. Also that whole trapped with no way to leave thing. Certainly put a damper on your positive outlook. Hopeless. On top of that, no one from Phoenix has come back to look for you and you really don’t blame them. But there’s something to be said for the irony of being abandoned again. There’s something to be said for the irony of your little promise to Anakin too. You really need to learn to how to let your attachments go. At least your attachment to your physical body is growing smaller everyday. Maybe if the starvation doesn’t get you first you can finally convince Vader that the best option is clearly to end it now.

Vader’s little sphere shudders, images of pits and fires and the endless vacuum of space rush past your mind’s eye so fast that the floor feels alarmingly like it’s tilting. You don’t start rolling though and force yourself to think through the way your empty stomach is doing flips. Those aren’t your memories. Those aren’t your emotions telling you to end it now.

You growl when you put two and two together. “And you’re bitching at me for it now? What the hell?”

The shuddering grows before finally going silent. It takes you an embarrassingly long time to realize that means he’s afraid. That’s fair. You’re not sure where his little parasitic mind would go once your body is out of the picture. The image of him piloting your shambling, decomposing corpse actually makes you laugh. It’s not funny.

His reluctant hiding leaves you feeling lighter. Like a giant weight is lifted off your chest and it makes you laugh more to realize it’s thanks to the two of you no longer fighting over your breathing pattern. He’s just letting you have full control. Letting you manipulating the way he’s being forced to experience the galaxy right now. This is what he’s finally giving up over? Now? He’s giving up now? Your sides ache and your throat burns as you cover your face, hiccuping through the last few chuckles.

It’s funny because you were basically ready toy step aside and let him do whatever he wanted. You’re tired. You’re just so tired and you’re pretty sure your body will perish before he can do anything with it. It’s cruel but you wanted to see him reach the stars again, only to burn out of existence entirely.

“Sure you don’t want this? One hot mess ready to go.” You pretend it doesn’t unnerve you when he doesn’t respond.

You don’t remember falling asleep.

You do remember snippets of your nightmare.

Of chains around your hands and throat, of being pulled and pushed and stripped naked so your full price can be assessed. The way your mother’s hands carded through your hair as she rocked you to sleep. The way your mother’s hand fell limp from your face as she died.

Vader stays silent when you probe at him, so instead you haul yourself up and crawl to the nearest wall. You’re at least sitting up when you try to sink back into the Force. He leaves you be for the whole session.