#i am severely unwell about them it's actually not okay

[bakingpotat0s]

problem: i need to write

solution: i write

problem: i can't take myself seriously when doing an outline

solution: ...

anyways, should i share little tidbits of a jayvik fic i'm working on as i work through it?

[incidentallysunny]

I Was Never There.

Death Island Leon x Reader

Real!Dad Leon

Dead dove warning.

13k word count. Proof read 3 times until I got to around 11k then I stopped worrying and just skimmed. Critique is welcomed and my skin is thick for it.

I’d like to appear in the tagz pls so here’s a warning. My writing is not ever meant to be taken literally and is just for the sake of writing f*cked up content that I enjoy writing. If you do not wish to read this, please do not as my intentions are not to offend or make you intentionally uncomfortable but if you choose to read- don’t be hateful. With that out of the way, extremely sensitive content and dead dove material ahead.

Specifically blood-related incest, smut, suicidal ideation, mentions of grotesque imagery, light mentions of gore in a hypothetical scenario, daddy-issues, age-gap, overall disturbing topics.

As far as smut specifically: this includes talking of public sex, mentions of oral, fingering, unprotected sex, cream-pie (wrap your willy irl pls) praise, dirty talk, any probably some other irrelevant shit I’m forgetting my b.

PROCEED if you read the above, are okay with it, and are mentally unwell like I am. Happy reading, it’s a long one.

The drive from your college town to where your home had been all your life was as expected. Nostalgia and homesickness being mixed in your gut like a can of paint in one of those weird machines at the hardware store that your dad would take you to. Speaking of dad, you hardly remember him. He was present for a short while, your mom always excusing his absence with work this and work that. He really did get busy, though. Almost dying several times. You still remember your moms panicked phone calls, her countless prescription drugs for the same problems you now suffer from, and her late-night bathroom breakdowns. Apparently he couldn’t get out of this job though. Some real fucked up government shit he was tied to, your mom explained. All you know about him is that he saved the president’s daughter. Whatever.

So yeah- a perfect life with a perfect set of parents. One being mentally driven through the dirt and the other that you haven’t seen in 8 years or maybe more. You can’t seem to remember if the last few times you saw your dad were daisied dreams or reality. Bastard has never FaceTimed or video called you, either. Dunno if he even had a phone capable of that. Either way, it must be for the better, because your grades had been sufficient without stressors on your mind. And we all know a low-effort dad would definitely be one. But perhaps he’d rather just be there in person. Older people are like that.

You grunted, trying to drag your over-packed suitcase up the steep suburban driveway before sighing and standing in place. Sure, you didn’t need to bring so much shit home, but would you really want to risk some bitch at college stealing anything from your quad-dorm?

Before you could think and figure out how you’d even get the plastic luggage up the pristine, hand-painted porch steps and inside (without scratching them up and having your parents on your ass about their perfect house having a flaw) a voice called out to you. Unrecognized and not ringing any of the bells in your head. (If there were any left)

“Hey there, sweetheart. It’s been a while, huh?”

You turned to see a middle-aged man, similar to the last memory of your dad that had been printing-pressed into your mind for safe keeping. He was just emerging from the front door, broad chest accentuated by a well-fitted T-shirt. You immediately felt angry that his tits were bigger than yours. Would probably look better with a bra, too.

You didn’t answer.

Fuck- nerves were getting the better of you. Your palms were slick with sweat and you didn’t know if it was from the building summer humidity or anxiety. Was this normal? No the fuck it wasn’t.

“Uhh.. dad?” You queried- almost certain the gorgeous man at the door was just a hotter, older version of your dad and not actually him. The fuck is wrong with you? You’re getting this worked up over your father? Did college drinking really rewire your brain to be this fucked or is it all of the anxiety meds? Maybe both. Maybe you’re just overwhelmed. Maybe it’s because you rarely saw him and have zero attachment.

“Yeah, it’s me. Your old man. Missed you, kiddo.” There’s a pause for a moment- because you’re not sure why he’s talking so casually as if you see each other every weekend- like it hasn’t been years and years since you’ve seen him.

“Don’t remember me,huh?” He laughs satirically- like you’re supposed to be so sure. It makes you slightly furious and the feeling of anger bubbles up again- replacing any strange thoughts you were having moments ago.

No, my apologies dearest dad. I totally recognize you despite having met you enough times to count on almost two hands.

But the better part of you that managed to exist underneath the scores of problems you had just replied in jest- like someone without said scores of problems. It was best to keep the peace for now.

“You look a little different… sorry.” Is that all you can manage? It’s pitiful the state that your sullied mind is in.

He chuckles, though, like he knows your’re right. The sound is more pleasant and striking when it’s genuine. Makes you feel damp in other areas than just your armpits (thank you, heatwave).

“I suppose there’s truth to that. But It’s alright, sweetheart. I know it’s been a long time. People change, right?” His eyes scan you in an undecided way.

“But you, shit. You’ve grown into such a beautiful woman. College treating you well?” His words sound a little huffed then, he’s clearly beating around the bigger issue with a stick. But him calling you beautiful and being all fucking sappy makes your face feel hot and sticky like it’ll melt off. Got you wanting to rip the hair from your scalp to hear him say it again.

“Please?” You called out gently- gesturing to the suitcase and ignoring any other question. You were very much overstimulated- having overexerted muscles in your arms by being a weak bitch about a crammed carry-on. Just get your ass out here and help your daughter, thanks.

He shook his head- again laughing hotly while looking down as he stepped off the porch- his brown bangs were peppered with greys and they brushed his face on one side, his hair somehow pornographic on its own. Christ. He looked like one of those men you saw on Viagra commercials that obviously didn’t actually need it. Even the sight of your perfectly trimmed lawn and faux-looking home completed the scene. Where was the camera?

He walked over to you- there was a slight stiff in his stride; like he had a bad back or something. Maybe he did. Almost dying was the likely cause for that. Serves him right for leaving you with issues on top of issues. Maybe you should stop being mean, you’re the one getting hot over your own father. Again- because of him. Circle back to square one.

Leon towered over your frame as he hinged at the hips, picking up the suitcase with ease- the muscles in his arm flexed with each small movement. His face was a tinge of smug with a mix of something else…satisfaction? Maybe he was just pleased he was able to lift it without rupturing a hernia. Jesus Christ, his veins. You wonder if he has them anywhere else. No- maybe you should be wondering about taking your ass to an inpatient facility immediately. A few screws are loose and you don’t exactly have the tools to tighten them.

“I guess college did treat you well. You’re here in one piece.” He says- cutting you thickly from your thoughts and answering his own question from earlier. His blue eyes are sweet and gently lined with signs of aging. Which only makes him hotter- just like the fiery pits of hell that await you.

You scoff.

“Well, it’s not like I went to war or something.”

“Still. It’s nice to see you, sweetheart.” The word rolls off his tongue again. Your insides are trapezing around in their own miniature, fleshy circus- you’re wishing you could stab yourself in the stomach to stop the swarm of butterflies that don’t even feel metaphorical anymore. You’re sure they’re real now.

He continues, though.

“I know I haven’t been around much in your life- this fucking job and-“ You stare up at him- glossy doe-eyes and stupid look on your face. An apology- or even an explanation from your daddy might be part of what your scrambled brain needs.

“Work kept me away, but that doesn’t mean I didn’t think about you every day. I’m sorry if I wasn’t there for you like I should have been. Shit… What I mean to say, is- things will be different. I’ve retired. Your mother wanted me to tell you over dinner later but I figured you’d be happy to know. I’m not the best at keeping secrets.” He jokes at the end, but how is that true in the slightest? He’s kept his job a secret for your entire life, so he clearly can’t be that horrible at it.

“Oh.” Leaves your lips quietly, ghosting over Leon and leaving him wondering if he said something wrong. But then he realizes it’s probably just overwhelming for you. The worst part of him thinks you hate him. A feeling overcomes you though, and you rush in to wrap your arms around his waist- hugging him tightly. You now wonder why he didn’t hug you to begin with. Maybe he wasn’t an affectionate guy.

He says nothing at first- he’s even more awkward than you are if it’s possible. But he’s trying. He sets down your suitcase before returning your hold. One arm comes around the back of you and the other is overlapped on top- a hand nestling on the back of your head. Seems he’s getting a bit emotional, too. The attention from him is nice, though.

When you make a small grunt as to wanting to end the hug, his hands linger on your shoulders and he smiles at you. You actually return to, not feeling anything horrid become of your thoughts right now. Whether it be anger or incestual lust.

—

Your dad pushes the front door open with one of his large hands encased on the knob. Hands you immediately find attractive, wondering if they’d feel nice scissoring your cunt open. You now begin to understand why your mom was getting suicidal over him possibly not returning home. You’d kill yourself over him too. But that’s too morbid- especially after the moment you just shared.

That’s already lost to you.

He shut the door firmly, sighing, then gestures to the stairs.

You went up first, self conscious about your backside being right in front of his view but he was your dad. Wouldn’t be looking at you that way. You’re just brain-rotted and have an ill opinion of men.

Your old bedroom still looked the same, basically. Just emptier and more hollow without your things. But the walls were still painted a babydoll-pink and lined with the few girlish decorations you left on the wall. No way you would have been caught dead with those in your dorm. Not unless you wanted to endure torment and bullying that’d lead you to jumping off the dormitory roof.

He sets your luggage down and takes a seat on your bed. A groan escapes him as he puts a hand on his lower back for a moment.

“I see this room hasn’t changed much, has it?” he muses, a fond smile tugging at the corners of his lips. “Your mom and I had a blast putting it together for you when she was pregnant.”

Yikes. You almost feel guilt for both the incestuous thoughts and the fact you may have ruined your parents' marriage. Maybe that’s not true. It was his work- not you. After all, he’s insinuating how happy they were to have you brought into this world. Plus- they were fine. Never argued or anything.

“I’m sorry. I dont- I don’t know what to say.” You laughed awkwardly, throwing your hands slightly up by your side.

His face doesn’t drop, though. It seems he understands perfectly fine.

“It’s okay. We can start from scratch. Not talk about… your room or childhood stuff. I know it’s a sore spot for you, sweetheart.”

Wrong. It’s more like a festering wound with the rusted knife still wedged in it. The knife being Leon and the wound your daddy issues, by the way. And having no attachment to him as a father figure makes the attraction worse. Notably when he calls you any term of endearment. He leans forward to rest his elbows on his knees.

What the fuck. Was he sculpted by Satan himself as some kind of hell-on-earth punishment? Is this purgatory? Everything he did now was driving you up the wall like a roach- every movement and small flex showing a vein or bulge of muscle. And his arm hair didn’t help. Fucking Christ- shave it off or something. You don’t know how you’ll be able to stand it.

“Okay…. How does that work?” You cocked your head to the side a little, shifting your weight onto one leg. A nervous habit.

“Well- what do most parents do with their kids? We could go out for dinner, catch a movie, just… hang out. I’d like to spend time with my daughter, you know.”

Okay, so maybe he did care. That’s a start.

“Uh… all three?” You questioned, an eyebrow lifting along with the infliction of your voice towards the end of your sentence. You’re indecisive like your mom.

He smiled, lines and the corners of his mouth pressed. Happy. Something you heard wasn’t common for him, anyways.

“Of course. We can go out tomorrow, honey. Your mom just wants us to all have dinner together when she gets home. She missed you- not as much as I did, I bet.” He does that stupid fucking wink again. It makes you switch emotions and want to throw something at his head. Maybe your lamp. You feel bad, It’s not his fault you’re acting like a mental freak about him. You don’t even bother to fixate on the fact you’ll have to have dinner with your cunt of a mom. Okay, maybe that’s harsh.

“Okay.” You breathe out, looking around your room. Leon takes that as a cue to stand up from your old bed- the thing creaking from his weight and leaving an indent on your comforter.

“It’s a date, then. I’m going to start dinner. As much as I love your mother, she can be…scary.” He says, still rocking that pressed-in-cheek smile and cracking your door closed behind him. By the way, what he really meant was probably ‘bitchy’- not scary. But dad seems too kind to say that. He loves your mom.

You can breathe again without his presence. It was smothering, like you had to overperform. You find yourself rushing to your dresser mirror to check how you looked. Hair looks great, face too- though a little tired from college over-studying and then driving 4 hours home with no break.

You might as well write ‘whore’ on your mirror with lipstick. Or a marker- since that’s a more permanent reminder with the way you’re acting. But part of you wanted to know what he thought of you- how he perceived you. For now though, it doesn’t matter. Had barely been 15 minutes since you arrived. You turn your attention to your suitcase and push it over flat, unzipping it before the teeth give out and some of your things spill from inside.

You had less than a sufficient amount of energy to care about it being broken now- so you just put your things away quickly before plopping onto the bed and indulging your senses with the smell of the floral detergent your mom always used on your sheets.

—

It’s some time later when you’re abruptly awoken by your moms manicured hand shaking you awake by the shoulder.

“I can’t believe you’re sleeping when you could be spending time with your father. He was excited for you to be home.”

‘Way to wake me up.’ You thought. She was always having a stick up her ass about this kind of thing. Or anything, really..

“I didn’t mean to fall asleep. Besides, we’re going out tomorrow to do a bunch of stuff.” You argue sleepily, sitting up as your back aches with your vision still adjusting. She cuts on the lamp, sizzling your retinas.

Her face perks up but is pleasantly surprised.

“Oh, okay..” silence.

“I’m sorry, honey. It was just a long day at work and I’m just over-the-moon for you two to finally have some daddy-daughter time.”

You wrinkle your face in disgust, but not fully disgust since you were just fawning over your hot dad earlier. Maybe daddy doesn’t sound so bad.

“Ew- mom. He’s just my dad. I’m not five.” She laughs, waving her hand off at you.

“Well anyhow- come down for dinner, will you? He put in a lot of effort to cook something for us.”

You cursed under your breath and straighten out your shirt- hoping she wouldn’t bitch about it being slightly wrinkled from you sleeping in it. You seat yourself at the table- adjacent from your mother sitting at the end. She’s already changed out of her office clothes and sure enough, here comes your daddy dad from the kitchen with utensils.

“Sorry ladies- almost forgot these.” He laughs, placing down everyone’s set before seating himself next to you. Fuck.

“You know- your father has only been home a few months and he’s already shown the extent of his memory loss.” She jokes, giving him a loving yet teasing look that makes you want to vomit. And yet jealousy curls up like a cat in your lap, wanting to be lavished with attention from you. The metaphorical jealousy pounces off your lap as you’re met with your dad’s hand on your denim-clad thigh. It’s an innocent gesture but you want to his hand to go further than just sitting politely.

“She’s right, but I can be useful otherwise.” He’s bantering back with her- and you realize he’s making an innuendo when you look over at his face. But it’s weird that he’s saying it while his digits cradle your thigh so gently.

“Gross.” You take a bite of your food- momentarily shocked that a dad of any sort could make such a pleasant meal, especially when he’s spent such little time doing domestic duties.

“Oh honey- you’re grown. We’re just teasing each other.” Your mom nods to Leon, taking a bite off of her fork. His hand slides off of your thigh and he grabs his whiskey glass to take a proper sip.

Jeez, he drinks that shit like its water. No grimacing. No face was made when he swallowed it. Just a guy thing you suppose.

Dinner drags on- the both of them forcing you to talk about your less-than-thrilling college experience. No mom, no boyfriend. No dad, I’m not failing. No you two, I’m not having unprotected sex- fuck off.

After that eventful meal and conversation where your parents basically eye-fucked each other over dinner, you’re left to clean up the mess while your mom gets ready for bed. She has to leave for work early in the morning- as usual. Guess she’s going to take your dad’s spot for the absent parent now that you’re grown and traumatized full and proper.

-

Sleep came and went- leaving you to trudge out of bed and do your morning routine. It felt out of place trying to do it back at home- but it was also a sentimental feeling to be doing just that.

Leon is already in the kitchen, shirtless and cooking. Seems impractical, but holy fuck. You’d gorilla glue your eyelids open just to not miss a single second of what you’re seeing. Maybe that wasn’t needed- because you've been staring long enough that your eyes prick with tears. You remind yourself to blink and you seat yourself at the high-top, the stool swiveling slightly when your bottom meets the material.

“Morning, sweetheart. Sleep well?” He asks, turning to look at you over his shoulder. His traps are distracting you. You want to chew your fingernails past the nail bed- bite a finger off too. You can’t stand it. For a moment- the way he talks to you- you’re pretending you’re not his daughter. And then a moment later, you’re not being delusional anymore.

“Mhm.” You mumble sleepily- wishing you’d have stayed in bed longer. But piercing morning light, lack of blackout curtains, and the chirping of birds outside made that idea inconceivable. Leon chuckled to himself- turned away from you.

You decide to scroll through your phone for a moment’s time before he slides a plate to you from across the island.

“Breakfast a la Leon.” He says- clearly being silly. Corny as fuck, anyways.

“You’re old.” You snort, setting aside your phone and grabbing a fork to pick at your food until he turns away again. You didn’t enjoy the idea of having a hot, shirtless man watching you eat.

He shakes his head, sitting down next to you at the island.

Christ. Fucking go away. It’s actually enraging now.

You want to scream at him- it’s irrational and crazy- but you do. Screaming at him and being sent away to a ward sounds more appealing than the anxiety crawling up your spine like a horde of fire ants. Potentially- just like the butterflies- they’re real too.

He seems undisturbed as he settles- taking a bite. You do the same- trying to ignore the fact he's so close you can nearly feel his arm hair touching you every second or so. He breaks the silence after a moment.

“So- after this, I’ve got a whole day planned out. Mall, movies, and dinner. Sound good?” You nod, a soft ‘mhm’ reverberating on the roof of your mouth.

He finishes before you and makes his way upstairs- the occasional pain in his back unmistakeable every few steps. And yet he wants to take you to the mall to walk around? You didn’t even know how to feel about a day with your dad. What’s a dad? What’s daddy-daughter bonding? That’s lost to you- well- more like it was never even discovered. Not even Columbus could have ventured out and conquered it.

Since he’s no longer in the room, you hastily eat the rest of your breakfast before you discard the plate and fork into the way-too-elaborate dishwasher your mom had installed (you totally didn’t spend 10 minutes trying to turn it on).

Back in your room, you settle on a simple, totally not underlyingly slutty outfit. Shorts and a crop top. Can never go wrong with that. It’s just soft/core prom enough for an outing with your dad. When you leave your room- Leon is just headed down the stairs. He turns to look at you, his smile is as jovial as it has been since you’ve seen him. For a moment though, you think you catch his eyes landing on your exposed legs- but you know you’re just crazy. You’re the one lusting after him, not the other way around. Your dad isn’t abnormal like you. His head is on correctly- even if it’s been battered and spun on his shoulders throughout the years.

“Ready?” He asks, stopping in place to wait for you. You nod stupidly, breaking from your trance to follow him in a descent down the stairs.

He’s dressed similar to how he was yesterday- jeans and a t-shirt that should be considered indecent. If you were your mom, you’d beg him to wear something that doesn’t highlight every curve and dip of his chest. Hell, if you were your mom, you’d never let him go outside. Too risky. But you’re not your mom. You’re just unusual.

As a perfect man does, he opens the door for you. Then opens the SUV door, allowing you in before shutting it behind. You’re sure you've never met a guy that does that in real life, but maybe it was a ‘you’ problem and not the guy. Who knows.

When he gets in, he cranks the vehicle only for rock music to start playing from the radio- making the corners of his mouth dimple with a pleased look. Really are the simple things for him. As for you, you’re suffocated in a Hellish torment by both his presence and the expensive scent of cologne and leather seats combo.

The ride isn’t long, nor bad. Albeit you two only talk here and there so he can focus on the road- and so you can focus on not dying (he’s not a perfect driver, but not terrible either). Just enough to keep your nerves teetering between a light anxiety attack and full blown panic.

You’re relieved to get there alive. Maybe not. Your thoughts have you thinking suicide may be your only option for now disgusting they are. And it only gets worse when he helps you down from the step up of the SUV- a hand on your exposed waist and the other on your shoulder. It’s harmless. Just a dad being gentlemanly. He was shaped and carved out in that perfect, chivalrous image with only a mallet and hammer. No reason to make it weird.

Inside the mall is a tad busy- the perfect amount to be comforting. You feel a bit more at ease in a public setting since you can now focus on anything but your dad’s chest. As long as he doesn’t require eye contact or talk to you, that is.

He looks around, arms crossed. It’s almost whorish. He has to know his arms look good. Or that his everything looks good. The fuck.

“So…” He cranes his head to the side, bangs brushing over his nose for a moment. The way he looks around makes his Adam’s apple and neck muscles a little more prominent. A perfect, stubbled spot to attack with your lips.

“What do you feel like doing first, kiddo?”

You. Is what you want to say.

He looks back to you, smiling down amused. He seems genuinely happy to be able to take you out. But really- his face is making you nauseous. Obviously not because it’s bad. But because it’s good-bad. Too good it’s bad.

“Uhh… “ you look away from him, scanning the entrance area and looking at any signs. Almost like an escape.

“How about new clothes maybe? Seems like something got ahold to the other half of your pants anyways.” He nudges you with an elbow, gesturing to your shorts with his head.

So he probably did look at your legs earlier. Maybe not in the way you think, though.

You glare at him.

“Seriously?”

Leon puts his hands up in defense. He’s always on the defense in life anyways.

“Joking, joking. You’re…grown.” His forehead lines crease when he raises his brows. You did get rather annoyed at his comment, however.

“I could always buy some even shorter.” You spit sarcastically.

“Yes- because every father wants to walk around with their daughter who has her ass out.” He’s quick to remark, this time he seems grumpier when he talks. Sorta like he’s uncomfortable with the conversation. Or that he’s mad.

“Sorry my legs make you so uncomfortable. I guess I should’ve left them at home.” The back and forth here could go on forever between you two but he catches you off guard.

“Shit- no. It’s not that- ‘s just you’ve got nice legs. Can’t have these…shitheads eying down my little girl. I may be old, but I can fight when I need to.”

You know he meant his words innocently enough, but the fact that he said nice legs has you giddy inside. Same feeling when your crush calls you pretty. Yeah- that sorta feeling. And his little girl. It has a ring to it. Could even legally change your name to it so that he can call you by it more often. Maybe he’ll even let you jump on his dick right away.

Your face is pure rose-shaded. A perfect, neutral shade to make your embarrassment pop on your skin. You’re sure it’s visible to him, too. Your mom always teased you about how blotchy it would get when you were humiliated. Particularly when she would tell awkward stories about you at family dinners. Bitch.

“What’s wrong? Don’t be pissed at me, sweetheart. I was just teasin-“

“It’s not that.” You interrupt- heart thumping into your rib cage. If it doesn’t stop, or you don’t stop your word-vomit, it might crack a rib or four. Probably more. Better have hospital bill and therapy money ready, dad.

“Then what’s the matter? I just want us to have a good time together. I’m not trying to upset y-“

“You said I have nice legs.” You’re quick to cut him off again.

“And…?” He trails off, cocking his head to the side like he’s confused. Because he is confused. You stare off to the side- eyes glued to the fountain. Maybe you could go drown yourself in the penny-flavored water that you guarantee hasn’t been changed out since you were still the unlucky sperm in your dad’s ball-sack.

“I like that. You saying that.” You speak a little lower now- afraid someone will hear. Or because the tinnitus is so loud in your ears. What you’re getting at is almost clear now. Or at least clear enough.

Leon’s expression is taken aback but still confused to an extent because he’s not even certain what you’re saying. Though, he has an idea.

“Oh- uh. Okay. Sweethea-“

“Holy fuck- stop calling me that. You’re not making this easy. Wanting to fuck you. I know- I sound mental.” You spill it out, guts on the floor and the sword still in hand. Holy shit. Just told your dad you want to fuck him. You could have backtracked- fucking dumbass. You won’t be shocked if he packs his bags and leaves off again tomorrow.

He’s silent for a moment.

“Okay- clearly I wasn’t around enough. I get that. But I mean- fuck.” He runs his hand through his hair, looking around. Probably thinking the same thing about the fountain that you did. Still- he looked hot while having a crisis and contemplating immediate suicide. He paces while your nerves are being electrocuted in your body. Why couldn’t you just be normal?

“Just- sweetheart, no. None of that’s.. I can’t.” He starts, turning back to you. It seems he can look you in the eyes now. So maybe he’s not entirely disgusted by you. His face isn’t contorted with disgust, so there’s a chance. Yeah, you’re off your rocker now. You know.

“Look- let’s not talk about this. C’mon. Let’s go catch a movie like I promised.” He starts walking- leaving you standing in a puddle of shame and embarrassment for a moment before stopping to let you catch up.

Luckily- the theater is joined to the mall. It’ll be a short walk.

—

Leon is lax on the couch until he hears the crunchy sound of tires on concrete. You’re home. Despite his shitty back, he's huffing as he gets up fast and is already opening the door. The air is hot as it greets his skin and he watches you struggle with your suitcase through the heat-haze that spans over the distance.

He calls out to you- making your head snap in his direction. Your face is that of awe and confusion. You don’t seem to immediately recognize him- okay. He gets it. It’s been a while. Nevertheless, you’re beautiful. He’d seen pictures of you from your mother, but he’s in awe just as you are. Though, he doesn’t think that highly of himself so he often wonders if you’re even his kid. Couldn’t have made something that perfect, in his mind. He helps you with your bag and follows you to your room. But your demeanor around him is noticeably mousey. At first, it doesn't seem like much. You’re just getting used to him.

Plus, Leon knows he can come off intimidating. Sometimes. But for him, he’s got a good eye and his job has led him to being able to read even the tiniest bits of body language. Doesn’t take him long to see how you’re worming around shyly- subconsciously smoothing your hair down and biting at your lip. Same way your mom acted around him before they started dating. But again- maybe it’s just in his head. Leon’s been wrong a time or two.

A better man would have left it alone. Leon gets that. But an innocent thigh squeeze at dinner can help him test his theory. A thigh squeeze that’s under the guise of friendly, fatherly touch. You tense- he can hear your small, sucked in breaths as long as his hand is there, along with heat radiating off your body like a wildfire. If wildfires could be horny college-aged daughters with daddy issues, that is.

The idea disgusts him. Because he should feel disgusted and just kill himself. Where did these thoughts come from? He even has the urge to let his hand wander other places. Bets that you have a cute pussy. No matter what it does or doesn’t look like, it’s yours and he knows it's cute. He’d give you two thick digits in your hole (three if you allow him) and have his tongue kitten-lick your clit.

“There we go. Good girl.” Is what he envisions saying before diving back in for a mouth full of you. Girls like you love being praised. Especially by their estranged father-figure or a middle aged man. It’s all the same. He’d pry the daddy issues right out of you with his dick. It’s long and fat enough, and solves all of his matters properly. Your mom is in a bad mood? His dick will fix that. He can’t sleep? His dick will fix that. His daughter is a horny freak and begging for it? His dick will fix that, too- obviously.

It’s only when your mom makes some stupid fucking joke about his memory loss that he snaps back into reality and he loses the momentum he had going for an erection. Which is good. Maybe thinking about fucking your mom will make him normal again. So he drops a quip right back- something about… being useful. Yeah. Again, his cock is useful. Your mom bites at his words, but you’re annoyed and disgusted with his comment- especially with his hand on you while he says it.

Trust me, baby. Much rather be splitting you open than having performative, mandatory spousal sex. It’s like a switch flipped. He’s not interested in your mom. Should’ve had that realization years ago, even. Technically he did. He’s just now saying it in his head finally. Mostly he was exhausted because she had nothing to do with Leon even when he was home (unless it was for dick). Too bad he was a golden retriever following after her every step like a good doggy. Marriage did that to a guy. He just did what he was supposed to. Kept the lights on, blew out her back occasionally, listened to her complain, and took care of the lawn when he could. Easy enough. That’s what men do, right? He doesn’t really know what being a man is, honestly. Thanks, Major Krauser. Anyhow- he chokes down his food with a smile. The need to upchuck after everything he just thought up is a given.

He takes the liberty to fuck your mom later that night as promised per (faux) flirting over dinner. He has her face down-ass up, though. For… imagination’s sake. At least fucking a pussy and imagining you is better than his hand and imagining you. Or so he tells himself. Call it killing two birds with one stone, satisfying your mom and quelling his own desires. And it’s not hard to imagine any of it, because you look so much like your mother. He lies awake for a short while after- contemplating his existence and fucked up thoughts. He’s still holding back vomit and the urge to grab his gun from the nightstand and off himself all over the wallpaper, while in the process, traumatizing your mom. After an hour of this- he figures it’s fine, men think of perverted or weird shit sometimes. Jerk off to weird shit too. He hasn’t technically done anything morally wrong… sort of. It’s denial. At least he’s good at playing the part of a genuine, loving father. Because he is! He loves his family. Always has!

Spending time with you would make you happy, him happy, your mom happy. He loves you dearly. All is great. He’s swearing that his brain won’t be smoothied in his skull by tomorrow. It’ll be normal and function rationally.

But Leon wakes up with the thoughts being real as ever while he stretches an arm out to feel around for your mother- bed empty since she leaves at the ass crack of dawn. Leon had just missed her leave, he’s still getting used to sleeping in ever since he retired.

He gets up and heads downstairs- immediately starting breakfast to take his mind off his…mind. Breakfast is his favorite meal of the day, it makes him feel better to indulge in it right now. Though, he doesn’t bother putting a shirt on at any point- just rocking those generic, green and blue tartan patterned pajama pants. Cooking shirtless is weird- but he’s hungry and part of him wonders if he’ll get to see your priceless face when you walk into the kitchen. He shakes his head- telling himself that he just had this talk with himself last night. None of that shit.

He was right about one thing. God, he could make a killing in betting. He sees your reflection behind him in the small window above the counter but you didn’t know that. Just stood, gawking. It’s okay. He’s observative, you’re not. You’re his dumb little girl. Dumb in the way you shift in your stool next to him when he sits down, dumb how you hold your breath when he’s near, dumb how you can’t even eat next to him, and dumb how your thighs seem to wriggle when his arm ‘accidentally’ brushes yours. Oh, he’s definitely not wrong.

Still- he knows when to back off. He hounds down his food, before you even make a dent in your plate, and heads upstairs to shower. He’s analyzing every detail of himself, contemplating how he can get under your skin the most- his knuckles gripping the sink with distaste for himself. Because it’s wrong. He’s acting like a teenager. This is a date with his daughter, not his highschool girlfriend.

Leon skips over shaving his face. Likes to keep it a little grown out but not too much so. Just in case he gets the chance to eat (your) pussy or kiss (your) a neck. Then comes the Dior ‘Sauvage’ body wash he never failed to keep with him. He takes pride in smelling good if anything. And this particularly expensive wash, plus the cologne, was his lifeline for that. When he traveled for work- the D.S.O. better have god damned had some sent to his room as courtesy. Ever since Raccoon City- he’s adamant about not smelling less than great. He swears he can still smell the sewer on himself sometimes, even if it’s not really there.

His hair routine was even more extensive and involved a weekly hair mask. Hey- it wasn’t wrong for a guy to have nice hair. It paid off.

Heat protectant, blow dry, hot-comb to get any cow licks or fly-aways he might have- though it’s unlikely- and a little spritz of biotin spray to keep it healthy and shiny. All of that in reasonable time, too. And no- it's not weird for him to spend longer on his hair than your mom does.

Besides, you seem to appreciate the way he looks when you come out of your bedroom- watching him descend the stairs. Leon looks back at you- eyes on your legs momentarily then coming back up. He knows it was a quick look- quick enough to make you question it. You do. Very much. Still, taking you out in public wearing those shorts is less than ideal for him, but he’s the one who needs to be watched closely. Aforementioned, Leon’s great at pretending. Pretending to be normal. Pretending to not have ulterior motives. Pretending to not want your legs on his shoulders as he-

“All ready?” He interrupts himself here. Can’t let his thoughts keep going too far. Even if he does want to rest a hand on your leg while he drives. Or veer off the road and into a tree so that he can’t continue to be disgusting. He’d die with the image of being a good, wholesome dad in everyone’s mind. And if you did or didn’t die too, at least you would have died not having been fucked silly by your old man. He manages to not kill you both, though. He wasn’t planning to- his driving is just ass. He knows whiskey with his breakfast isn’t ideal but when you’re a recovering alcoholic plus post traumatic stressed failure of a father, it helps.

Can’t complain though since he gets to put his hands on you while helping you out of the vehicle.

Now you’re both in the mall- Leon questioning what exactly he’s supposed to do now. He hasn’t been to one since… he doesn’t have enough fingers for that. But you’re seemingly calm. Until he makes a stupid joke about your shorts. Sure. As much as he’s thinking about ripping a hole in the crotch to fuck you cause he’s impatient and stupid- he said it out of genuine concern.

He still has fatherly instinct. Some sick bastard could get a glimpse of your exposed legs and go jerk off to it or take a photo. Ironic coming from him right now. The call is coming from inside the house but the dad is too busy fiending after his own daughter to answer.

You’re royally pissed. He knows it. Women don’t like having it insinuated that they’re dressed like a whore. Big whoop, though. Someone has to say it. Then you blindside him. Big, needy eyes and saying you like it when he tells you your legs are nice. Then something about how you want to fuck him. Christ. What the fuck. He’s not sure if this is some kind of screwy set-up or you’re actually just so slutty that the only dick you’ll accept is your dad’s. He’s rocking a semi now. Would be a full hard-on if he weren’t in public but his head spins cause all the blood went to his loins too fast.

Leon doesn’t accept the advances yet. Not now, anyways. He’s mortified. He really thought he had himself going in delusion about how you were behaving- but he was actually right. And now being confronted with it… he’s fucking scared - that’s for sure. Hmm. Be a morally acceptable human or fuck your needy, whore daughter silly? He shakes his head and lets out an exhale.

That question needs some thought. No, it doesn’t. He knows better than to do any of that shit, right? He takes a moment to start walking while you follow along shamefully- the two of you headed to the theater. A movie is perfect. Don’t have to talk or anything. No interacting, really. But how the fuck is he just going to forget what you said? Sure, he’s been having questionable thoughts but they’re just thoughts. Your words, however, spoke it into existence. Like a fucked up, frankenstein’s monster of father-daughter reality.

Don’t mind us, everyone. Daughter’s got it real bad for me but I’m just going to take her to the movies and pretend it’s normal. Reality was distorted for him ever since the existence of zombies and BOWs anyway.

He lets you pick the movie- telling the attendant that he needs two tickets. It’s a horror movie. Of course. Something to trigger his PTSD, maybe. Then he could say anything he did after that was just accidental. A mental slip. He goes to fork over the $60 for tickets and popcorn- god, when did shit get so expensive? As he’s pulling out the cash, he sees you give him a look like you want to say something. His mind is racing looking at you- it makes him nervous.

“Uh.. what about candy?” You ask, looking away from him and at the display.

“What? Sour worms?” He questions you, laughing. Not in a mean way- but because it’s your favorite. So insignificant but he remembers. You were still a kid when he and your mom took you to see some milked out children’s movie that was a part of an entirely too long series. He bought you two boxes of sour worms then. You were a weird kid, though. The worms were split into two colors, and you’d always bite them down the middle and make him eat the side you didn’t like. But he’d do it. Gladly.

You nod, a little befuddled that he’d remember something like that. Cute. Too bad your weird ass just told him you wanted to fuck him about 15 minutes ago. So not entirely a cute moment.

“Oh- and two boxes of Sour Worms, please.” He adds, now pulling out a little more cash.

You both respectively grab your own drinks- Leon with popcorn in tow and you, your worms and cherry soda. His hands are full but he manages to flash the movie ticket between his index and middle finger to the usher, who then ripped it in half and pointed to the left end of the hallway.

You both don’t say anything, but you immediately race to the very top row like a child once inside the screening. Leon swears under his breath as he follows you like a geriatric snail. If a snail could have lumbar issues. He’s able to make it up the stairs to you quite some time after and takes the seat next to you that’s closest to the aisle. Safety and all that jazz.

Previews are already playing so it gives him peace of mind to not address the awkwardness between the two of you. Your soda is in the cup holder that’s separating you both, but you lean over to take a sip, cheeks hollowed out while you drink. Of course Leon looks over, fuck.

Pretty little lips wrapped around the straw until you pull off of it with a satisfied sigh. Cause you were thirsty from anxiety- like someone shoved gauze and cotton into your mouth.

He shifts in his seat and looks back at the screen. He doesn’t even know if you’re doing it on purpose. You’re not, however. He’s just a perverted dickhead.

Time passes and not a single soul has come into this screening. It’s Monday at 11am, after all. Who the hell would come watch a horror movie at this time? No one except two fucking weirdos. It’s making Leon’s nails dig into the armrest with the other set scratching at his jeans.

The movie doesn’t start off bad, to Leon’s shock. He’s actually enjoying it and you seem just as entranced, pulling open the box of Sour Worms without looking down. You do wind up looking down, however, to bite one in half because it just so happened to be a blue and orange combo, and you hated the orange side.

“Here.” Leon turns to look at you- your eyes coming up to meet his blue ones that are oddly blue enough to the point that any light from the screen makes them pop. Pretty.

“The orange half. I know you don’t like them.” His voice is husky and low since the speakers are blaring some generic string-quartet horror piece. He nods down to the half chewed candy in your palm.

You pinch it between your fingers, bringing it to his mouth as your cunt throbs. He was expecting you to hand it to him, but the way you confidentially yet instinctively brought it to his lips isn’t entirely unwelcome. The emptiness of the theater makes it that way. Allows room for incest of whatever. He opens his mouth for you, and you go to place the sour treat on his tongue. His lips gently close around it, before he grabs your wrist to hold your arm in place. A hold gentle enough to tell you that if you want to snatch your hand away- feel free to do so. But you don’t. And you won’t. He knows.

Candy in cheek, he brings your fingers to his lips and nurses your knuckles with a kiss before puppeteering your hand with his larger one, working each digit so that he can equally suck each one clean. You’re amazed, aroused, and alarmed all at the same time. Amazed because he looks so gorgeous sucking on your fingers. Aroused for the obvious reason. Alarmed because duh, he’s your father and things can only go further from here.

Leon places your hand back onto the arm rest between you, chewing the halved sour worm now. As if he didn’t just give you the most visually appealing form of sexual affection in the history of womankind. The dryness of your mouth returns and you take another sip of your Cherry soda. Maybe you can drown yourself in it. No, stupid. That’s what the public bathroom toilets are for.

Right before you set the plastic cup into the cupholder again, Leon speaks.

“Ah, ah. Put it over there.” You don’t even hesitate to listen. Record timing for you doing anything. You don’t even know why you followed his instructions so quick.

“Good girl.” His words send lightning of excitement down your nerves and straight to your clit as he pushes the armrest between you upwards and out of the way. Because that’s a thing, for some reason. It’s like theaters want people to fuck, give head, and spread their diseases everywhere. And why does he know they move? You don’t even want to question it. Maybe he’s just a knowledgeable guy.

“Come here, honey. Let daddy kiss that pretty mouth.” Fucking Christ. This can’t be real. Doesn’t matter, ‘cause again, there’s zero hesitation on your part. Leon likes that. A woman that can follow orders. He’s so used to taking them, not giving them. And your mom isn’t one to listen to other people. Either way, if this goes south, Leon can always just off himself. He wasn’t around much so what difference would it make if he was permanently gone? The reassurance of being able to log out forever gives him courage here. It’s rational.

You scoot over since you’re free from any barriers or restrictions, and he puts an arm over you. You swear you almost hear your skin sizzle from the contact. You’re not a witch- and as far as you know, he’s not water. Even if he gets you wet. He brings a hand up to cup your cheek and swipe a thumb over your bottom lip- teasing you.

“D-dad.” You stutter a protest- cringing that you sounded the way you did just now. Maybe you shouldn’t be embarrassed ‘cause he’s your dad- but you are embarrassed ‘cause he’s hot. You can’t even figure out why you wanna back out suddenly. Probably because the idea was better than betraying your mom and knowing yourself as someone who fucks their dad. Anywho- didn’t he say something about kissing you? Cause he’s not even doing as promised.

Your dad leans in, his free hand is now on your neck and angling it just to show you how easy he can manhandle your body. He plants a kiss on your earlobe before saying anything.

“What’s wrong, baby? Can’t go giving daddy blue-balls now. It’s not polite to start things you don’t wanna finish.”

Leon’s words simultaneously gross you out and turn you on in a self-deprecating, disgusting kind of way. Not to mention he’s literally contradicting himself since he would gladly eat the half of the sour worms you didn’t want to finish- therefore entirely enabling you to start things you couldn’t finish. Hm. That must explain a large portion of your life, then. And besides all do that, doesn’t the know blue-balls is some kinda stupid myth or whatever?

His thumb falls down your lip and traces your jawline with intentional slowness while his eyes look over your face appreciatively- but it also seems as if he’s looking for or at something specific.

You get the courage to speak, air sucked fully into your lungs.

“Sorry, daddy.” The fuck is wrong with you? You could have said anything but that. It’ll only spur him on. But you want that, obviously.

He smirks, lips pressed together as the corners of his mouth do that same, pitted thing they do that you like so much. Must go hand in hand with how his chin is also dimpled. It’s sexy. But little do you know, it’s one of the reasons he keeps his stubble. Doesn’t feel like having his butt chin on display to the world- even if every woman that’s ever laid eye on him sees it and wants it buried in their cunt.

“That’s my girl. Didn’t even have to be around much to teach you that, did I?” Leon queries, grabbing your chin to crane your head just so that he can plant his lips onto your neck. His other hand is on your knee, unmoving. You want it to move, though. God- you’re sure whatever higher power is in the great sky is throwing up right now, moments away from pressing the reset button. The same higher power will make a new rule on humanity.

No free will and absolutely no incest. Yeah. Probably should have written that into the books ages ago, one fears.

You fidget as he kisses your neck, stubble scratching your epidermis yet tickling all the same.

“Not gonna answer me, sweetheart?” He murmurs against your throat, the neck kiss he gives it uses a bit of tongue- making your body jolt. “I know your mother taught you manners.”’

You mumble something pathetically apologetic, hands gripping the fabric over his shoulders. Hopefully your mom won’t notice his shirt being stretched out there- cause she notices everything.

“N-no, daddy. I knew it on my own.” You huff, that hand you wanted him to move is slowly doing so- fingers dragging along your inner thigh as if everything he’s doing to you is purposefully meant to be some kind of forewarning. But for what, exactly?

“Such a smart girl. Get that from daddy, you know it?” Ok, cocky…

Leon kisses his way back up your neck, jawbone, and then your cheek. It’s sweet- if being lavished with saccharine, sexual and inappropriate attention from your dad could be sweet.

You nod, feeling his grip loosen from your chin and now sliding up the back of your neck to tangle in your hair, threading it. He’s slow and deliberate- part of you wishes he’d not give you time to think about your actions. Not that you can really think anyways. Your heartbeat is muddled in your ears and the movie is still rumbling through the speakers while someone gets murdered on screen. Lucky them.

The hand on your thigh presses firmer into the skin just below the edge of your shorts, a silent telling for you to keep your attention on him.

“Sorry baby, daddy got distracted. Just so pretty.” He must be able to tell you’re impatient because he kisses your cheek (with an oddly dark undertone to it) before slimming the distance between your lips. He pauses right when they touch and you’re breathing in the taste-turned-scent of the sour worm you fed him earlier. Sugar and that weird orange flavor that is only specific to orange candy. You’re obviously not a fan, but it suits him.

You don’t get any time left to process before it’s a full on kiss- well, make out, actually. It’s slow. You can’t recall being kissed like this, ever. Normally it’s straight to tongue with guys, and not in, like, the good way. The ‘having an eel invading your oral cavity’ kind of way. Eugh.

But your dad’s tongue does brush yours, tastefully. You can actually feel the texture and it’s easy to tell there’s an erection fueling his actions- but not so much so that it takes over the whole kiss.

He uses your hair to pull you closer, teeth clashing momentarily. Not exactly the best feeling but everything else envelops your senses to the point that it’s only a flash of a moment. Your thigh is neglected by his touch, hand moving up and around onto your backside. He gives a squeeze to the fat of your ass and groans against your mouth before pulling you into his lap- legs folded on either side of his thighs.

You break the kiss, looking over your shoulder and to where the entrance is- the exit sign casting a nearby glow that gives you anxiety..

“Can’t- we’ll get caught.” You pant, that weird feeling that’s the grotesque love child of nervousness and excitement is swimming in your gut like a parasite before settling. The severity and realness of the situation sinks in.

Leon laughs low and mean, retracting his hand from your hair and moving to run it through the top of your scalp to push it back. He juts his hips upwards to prod his denimed erection into the cunt of your shorts. You mewl quietly, or maybe it was loud. The movie is just too deafening to distinguish which.

“Suppose you’re right, baby.” He tucks a loose strand behind your ear, leaning in to give you a light peck on the lips. “Told you you’re a smart girl, didn’t I? Can’t let me go around thinking with my dick, huh?”

His hand pats your thigh as if to tell you to get off.

“C’mon, sweetheart. Up.” He commands you with a huffed voice- not because he’s annoyed but because he’s a middle-aged man. Moving is hard. You ignominiously climb off of his lap, putting your bottom back onto the seat next to him. He’s looking at you, meandering a hand back onto your thigh just to rest in place.

You stare at the screen- but you can’t even register it because you’re too disassociated from what just happened. You almost want to beg him to fuck you right here- plead for forgiveness that you suggested stopping in the first place. And you can still taste that damned orange sour worm in your mouth.

Leon behaves, though. He’s good about that. Respectful. In the way of consent- not in the way of not tongue fucking his daughter in a public space. When the movie ends, he gestures for you to stand and you walk past him, carrying your empty cup and boxes of sour worms while the uncomfortable feeling of your slick clinging the gusset of your panties to your cunt. You look back at your father, the sight of him in the palely lit theater is a bit intimidating. He’s adjusting his pants for obvious reasons. You look away quickly and keep walking- a giddy feeling of satisfaction overcoming you. Shortly enough, you’re both back in the main area of the mall. You brush your shirt out and fix your hair- the thought occurs to you that maybe you look a little mussed and should have straightened up sooner.

But the daylight beaming through the sky roof brings you back to your senses.

“Hmm. What does my sweet girl want to get up to now?” Leon asks, intersecting his arms as he looks over you.

You think, mind fizzling as it short circuits. You almost smell smoke emanating from your head, too. How can you look him in the face right now?

“Uhh..” You really don’t know what to say. What can you focus on doing after everything that’s happened today?

“How about this? We can go home a little early and I’ll cook something up for lunch. The drive will give us time to work up an appetite.” He says, nonchalant. Right back to his same fatherly tone from earlier today instead of the ‘I want to split you open with my dick’ tone he had moments ago. Maybe he’s just being sweet and you’re overthinking.

You’re befuddled that he’s not saying anything else about… that. How can he so easily go from publicly groping you to acting cheery and normal? It’s frustrating. Disturbing even. Leon can see the disappointment on your face- but you don’t know that. You assume it’s well hidden, just like the fact you kissed your own father. He thinks it’s cute though. You’re just cock dumb for him. On the other hand, this whole situation is something he has to deal with.

“Got it.” You manage to say, walking a little faster than he does. This is the second time you’ve walked off from your dad, and it does irritate him because he can’t keep up like he used to. Displaced disc in his spine or whatever. Plus, he thinks you’re pissed. Which is worrying. Should have known better than to mess around with his own daughter, he supposes.

The drive back is silent and less terrifying than the previous, part of you thankful. Maybe he was only a bad driver in the morning. Unlikely, but not impossible. Maybe it was the fact that he drank whiskey with his breakfast. Hm. ‘Responsible’ in hindsight.

It’s still early in the afternoon when you arrive back home. The concrete is sizzling from the heat and the sun beats down way too uncomfortably for even a walk from the driveway to the front door.

Leon side-steps you to unlock the house before he urges you in. He may be morally reprehensible but he still didn’t want to let any cool air out- AC’s expensive. You plop down on the couch and he locks the door, walking past you and straight to the kitchen.

The tension is thick for you- but for Leon- not at all. You watch him disappear through the doorway as he goes to prep food. Why is it so hard to read his emotions? He’s like a fucking light switch. You’re annoyed- leaning back on the couch, until he calls for you. You’re quick to get up, scrambling into the kitchen.

“Hey, sweetheart. Mind giving me a hand?”

“Yeah. What is it?” You faintly cock your head to the side.

Leon looks to the side- directly at you. You’re cute when you’re confused. He can tell that all you’re thinking about is continuing where you two left off earlier. Shit, you’re no better than your mother. ‘S just that you’re not crabby and sour all the time like she is.

“Can you grab the saucepan from the bottom cabinet. Your old dad can’t exactly bend over too well.” He laughs- shaking his head. Yes, dad. I get it. I know you have a bad back.

You walk over to the cabinet where he’s leaned onto one hand which is rested on the marbled countertop. You feel a bit apprehensive to be close to him again. Mostly because you don’t trust yourself to not jump his bones, but Leon’s already ahead of you. As soon as you bend over, he pulls you back by the hips so that your ass is flush with his groin.

You’re taken aback but definitely not surprised. He’s a dirty old man, as you’ve learned.

“Gonna let daddy fuck this pussy now, or are you getting flaky on me?” He coos against your ear while he runs his hands up your sides and down again- creeping his hands to your front and over the buttons of your shorts- unhooking them through the slits.

“Yes.. want it.” You breathe in quick- the word coming out on its own. If god could hear you right now, he’d set your house ablaze with lightning.

“Need you to loosen up if I’m going to. You’re way too stiff.” Your shorts are the opposite of you, loose and unfastened fully so they fall to your ankles, and Leon nudges your feet apart with his boot. You realize he’s got a point as you feel his calloused hand glide down your hip and yank you in place. The other hand is spreading your pussy lips apart before finding that fleshy bud between them. A moan rumbles in your throat as your legs almost give out below you. He mutters a curse under his breath, and you realize his cock is now out while he rubs up against your ass- getting off on not only playing with your pussy but from dry humping you.

“Fucking christ. Got the prettiest ass, baby. Think daddy needs to see it bouncing on his cock.” You can practically feel that stupid, smug look as he grabs his dick- slapping it on your ass. It makes you cringe a little, but maybe you should be cringing at the fact your dad is the one doing it. You figure it’s just something he saw in porn, so it doesn’t leave your expectations high at the moment. Great. Leon adjusted himself back into his pants, for now.

His finger continues circling that bundle of nerves, your legs shaky as you’re being pressed into the counter, a hand is on your lower back to keep you down so he can do what he wants. You sound stupid- tears welling in your eyes as you babble nonsensically about wanting to cum. He moves his hand off of your back and sinks to his knees to be face level with you (even if it makes his back hurt a little), sliding his fingers up your inner thigh until there’s a digit prodding your hole, slowly pushing in.

He watches your cunt swallow his finger, barely able to fit it inside.

“Fucking shit, baby. Gonna have to stretch this pussy out if I want my cock in you, huh? Think you can let daddy do that?” He asks, breathy and sounding like he’s trying not to bust all over himself.

You eagerly shake your head.

“Yes, daddy. Need you to get me loose.” The words spill like a hot cup of tea from your lips, scalding Leon with desire.

“God damned. Such a polite fucking girl I’ve got. Might have to eat your mother out later to thank her for making you so respectful.”

You scrunch your face in disgust.

“That’s fucking gross.” You moan, Leon slipping a second finger into you, which should technically feel like four with how worn and big his hands are.

He tuts, planting a kiss to your asscheek.

“Now, didn’t daddy just compliment you? Could be a bit more grateful since he’s trying to make you cum” He grits, sounding a bit (terrifyingly) stern.

You apologize again.

“Sorry, daddy. Just don’t wanna hear about you and mom. Makes me jealous.” You admit, briefly thinking about their dinner conversation last night. Then about how fucking weird you are. You’re really hoping you get the courage to bash your head on the marble countertop and get amnesia.

Leon laughs, but in a way that makes you think he’s amused more than actually laughing.

“God. Want me to stop fucking my own wife just ‘cause you’ve got a needy pussy?” A third finger slips in, making an almost unbearable stretch as you feel a slight ache, but the previous two fingers already did enough work that it’s not completely unbearable.

“Maybe you’re not that grateful. Giving you three fingers here and she’s still too tight.” He twists his hand, letting the inside of you feel every inch of his knuckles and calluses. Your knuckles, however, are ghost-white as you grip at nothing.

“Maybe your fingers are just too small.” You say- mostly from built up tension and annoyance that you didn’t get to let out yet. But you regret the words.

He’s silent- which scares you. He pulls his fingers out of you- the stark contrast in emptiness is clear and the cool air stings you.

Leon groans as he stands up, kicking off his boots before yanking you by the arms to stand straight. He leans into your ear.

“C’mon. You’re gonna come sit on daddy’s dick, since you’re too fucking picky.” Goosebumps form all over you as he leads you to the couch. Leon leaves you standing there so he can get comfortable and discard his clothing, lying back with his hands behind his head. You make a mental note of how his biceps look with his arms bent in this position, even if you kinda feel like it’s lazy. But holy fuck, his toned stomach is perfect- sprinkled with a happy trail that will definitely lead you somewhere that will make you happy. Speaking of, his dick is nice. Fat. Not sure how big it is since you have not much to compare to, but you’d imagine taking it would be a bit of a proper challenge.

You step a little closer- crawling awkwardly over his lap- ass faced towards him so that you settle on his waist. It’s hard not to feel self conscious about your backside in this position, even considering the fact that he was just fingering you from the back moments ago. You’re mostly just upset you can’t gawk at his tits or stomach.

You grab him by the base, shifting yourself to hover directly over him, letting the tip graze your wet hole before slowly sinking down- a drawn out moan escaping you.

“Fuckkk. That’s it. Sit down on it. Take all of daddy.” You glance over your shoulder as you bottom him out; his eyes are half-lidded. Well, at least he’s got a pretty face while you’re fucking him. You almost failed to realize his hands moved from behind his head to your ass- gliding up your back and down again.

You take a moment to adjust, breathing shakily ‘cause his dick is so fat you think you might die. Or maybe you’re having a heart attack at your ripe age.

“Didn’t tell you to take any breaks, did I baby?” You’re annoyed at his pushiness, but you did have a bit of a sour attitude earlier. So you can only blame yourself.

You’re not sure how to entirely do this, but you move yourself up and down. Not at a fast pace, yet. Just that savoring your dad’s dick seems like a reasonable ordeal.

He doesn’t shut up, though. You’re learning just how much he likes to talk- as if he just wants to hear himself. Is he even getting off on you or the sound of his own voice? It makes you roll your eyes even if you do like hearing him say dirty shit.

"That’s my girl. So fucking good. Ride it nice and slow... Work that sweet pussy on daddy's cock.” You just might fall over dead hearing him say any of it- it’s disgusting but sweet Jesus are you eating it up. He must know it too because of how you clench around him involuntarily when he talks like that.

“You like when daddy praises you? Yeah, you love me telling you how good you are.” His words are husky and yet pleased with the previous tidbit of information.

“See how nice I am? Letting you sit on my cock after you made me wait earlier. Wasn’t very nice of you, now was it, baby?” His words have an underlyingly mocking tone, but you’d do anything to make him change it.

“No, daddy. Was really mean of me.” You whine pitifully, bouncing yourself on his dick like it’s your major in college and you’re trying to pass with flying colors.

“I know, baby. But daddy forgives you.” He murmurs, sitting up with you still on top of him. He’s flush against your back now- reaching in front of you to make those same tight circles on your clit. You both exchange your pitchy moans and his grunting and groaning- working up to a good point in both of your impending orgasms.

“Gonna cum in this pussy, got it? Daddy doesn’t like to pull out.”

You scramble a bit, squirming on his lap.

“Fuck, dad! You can’t do that!” You whine as his other arm holds you onto him- wrapped around your stomach. Your nails dig into his forearms, hopefully not leaving noticeable scratches.

“I think I can, baby. You’re squeezing me at the idea- I’m not fucking stupid.” He’s quick to be mean again, but you’d be a liar to say you’d don’t want him to cum in you. And you’re not a liar, that’s just deplorable- coming from someone who is literally fucking their dad with enough energy to power a small village for a month. And yet, you don’t stop riding him.

And your silence tells it all.

“Yeah- my baby wants a nice creampie.” He sounds more strained now, letting go of his hold on your stomach and using his hand to now guide you to roll your hips on him.

Sweat beads down Leon’s forehead, bangs sticking to his face as he watches your ass grinding against his lap.

“Fuck, baby. Just like that. I’m gonna cream this tight fucking pussy. Want that, don’t you? ‘Cause daddy’s gonna give it to you whether you want it or not.”

You should be a little more upset or concerned in any regard right now, but the last two days have made you into a proper whore to the point that you don’t even give a shit. Self respect crawled itself into a space shuttle and launched off of the planet, probably to never be seen again. Stuck in orbit, if you will.

You’re sucked out of the motions when Leon speaks again.

“Stop, stop.” He pats your bottom.

“Turn around, baby. I wanna see your face. Wanna kiss those lips while you’re on my dick.” Your stomach flutters with nervousness and a sickly sweet feeling. You lifted yourself from him with a trail of arousal to follow and maneuvered to turn around- this time he was holding his cock ready for you. Moments went by of you staring, getting a proper look of him since everything had been a quick blur so far.

“Come on, baby. Need you to mount daddy’s cock again. Told you I wanted to kiss you, didn’t I?” He exhaled, sounding a bit pent up. Jeez- seconds without pussy and he’s getting upset. Maybe he needs a therapist and anger management, not his college-aged daughter spearing herself on him.

You replied, yes, daddy. Sorry, daddy. Didn’t mean to make you wait, daddy.

You dropped yourself down onto him once more- only this time it was easier since you were able to get accustomed to his dick.

“Start moving sweetheart, make daddy cum.” He instructed, leaning in to take you in a kiss. It was more dirty than the last kiss, somehow. His tongue slipped between your lips- Leon lifted you with his hands on your waist before jutting his hips up to slam his cock snugly into your heat, groaning against your mouth delightfully.

His teeth nipped your lower lip- giving you a little further taste of just what kind of lover he is. Or maybe this is just the version you get. Either way, you can’t complain in any area. You feel lucky to receive even a sliver of it.

The familiar roughness of his thumb returns to your already throbbing bud- circling at the same pace he’s now moving at. Despite his age, he seems awfully enthusiastic to do strenuous work involving his hips. Bad back, my ass. Or maybe he’s able to put that on the back burner to please you. Probably worried if he doesn’t give you good dick then you’ll go tattle on him.

Leon didn’t break the kiss whatsoever while he pounded into you ruthlessly, he swallowed up every moan and noise you made like it was alcohol. ‘Cause that was his favorite, obviously.

When he pulled his mouth off of yours, a trail of saliva lingered- stretching out while you giggled on top of him. Something about you laughing almost made him nut immediately, but he held out just to prolong this and let it engrain into his mind for certain.

“Got the prettiest baby- look so good on my cock like this. Want daddy to bust in that pretty pussy?” He asked, looking for your approval.

“Uh-huh. Need daddy to knock me up.” The words came from god knows where, making even your eyes look bewildered for a second.

Leon laughed darkly at you.

“God, baby. Daddy’s so fucking close.” He muttered stupidly, almost like he was drunk. At least this could be an ego boost for you- but the fact it was your dad canceled that out. Dick only counts if it’s from someone that’s not related to you. His eyes did that half-lidded thing from earlier that you found so hot, and he pulled you down onto his cock one last time, spilling thick ropes into your blood-related hole. His dick pulsed as he let out a muted grunt, head lolling back and his adam's apple on full, stubbly display. You could bite it, just like a real apple.

“Fuck, fuck, fuck.” He moaned. Jeez. He was a whore, honestly. The way he made noises and didn’t shut the fuck up was honestly… a case that should be studied. Maybe he had been turned out a time or two himself.

His cock didn’t soften though, nor did he not forget about you cumming. He lifted his head back up, looking down at where his thumb was. It was almost like he read your thoughts, not saying a word as he concentrated on making you cum. ‘Cause earlier he had been too eager to get in you and you were too eager to get on him.

Your nails dug into his shoulders (hopefully your mom wouldn’t notice any marks on him when she gets home from work later) and he gently fucked into you while you received proper attention on your aching clit. The combination of his dick keeping you full and the sensation of his digit sent you throbbing through your orgasm around him- low curses and other disgusting things coming out of both your mouths.

‘Cause you’re both disgusting.

[bellysoupset]

I'm going to ask again since we haven't seen sick Leo in a while. How about, he and Jonah are at some sort of wedding vendor convention/show for engaged couples (these really do exist in the US), and all the caterers have samples for people to taste and they're having a great time until Leo realizes one of the cakes they tasted came from the bakery that supplied his work birthday cake that made him and Jon so sick. So then he's freaking out/whiny/being adorably Leo that he's absolutely going to get sick and Jonah's a fucking doctor and can't he do something (I'm thinking Leo going way overdramatic and asking for his stomach to be pumped or something) and Jonah keeps rolling his eyes and telling him that he's fine.

And then later Leo does start feeling sick but at first Jonah doesn't believe him but then he pukes and he's like "I told you so" but Jonah doesn't so it turns out either than he got food poisoning from one of the appetizers he sampled that Jon didn't (like, it had an ingredient he didn't like or Leo just at a fuckton of them and Jonah only had a bite), or else he got the Vince/Lucas plague somehow.

Is that detailed enough lol? I just want Leo and Jon cute bitching at each other please. And then Jon caretaking when he realize that yes, Leo is actually unwell.

But hey, no pressure.

No pressure lmao. I tried to type this one as fast as I could, so maybe it can get a part 2? Not sure!

-------

"I won't preteeend, that I won't miss thiiiis," Leo squealed, hand in hand with Jon and all but skipping, "But Portland, Maine, I don't know where that iiiis."

Jonah let out a snort as his fiancé sang the chorus again, "do you only know this part of the song?" he grinned and Leo waved him off.

"And you can go ahead and hate me, that's just fine," he sang smugly, "It doesn't matter either way, I'm right. Portland, Maiiiine-"

Jonah rolled his eyes as the off-key singing continued, pulling Leo closer by their clasped hands and shutting him up with a kiss, "you're silly."

"Yeah, but you love me," the blonde chuckled, kissing him back and then moving so he could press a kiss to Jonah's shoulder, keeping them closer as they continued to walk through the conference center in Portland.

They had gotten to the town at 8 AM, but regardless of the early hour, the event was packed. Each vendor had its own stand and they were organized in several rows, by different categories.

Jonah wasn't particularly thrilled, he felt that this was the type of place couples went to get discounted prices and he had no desire to bargain on his wedding, he wanted the best, no matter the cost. Nevertheless, Leo was beaming. He loved any type of sales, but most importantly, he clearly loved being involved in the planning.

It was 10:30 AM by now and Jon's stomach was starting to rumble with hunger. Leo clearly probably didn't share this feeling, since he had been trying every single food sample that the many stands kept offering him.

"Okay, so we're set on the black invitations?" Jonah reached for the iPad in his bag, looking at the itemized list Wendy had helped him put together. She was an amazing party organizer and he the harder part of asking for her help on anything was to get her to stop.

"Only if you agree on the different lining," Leo rested his chin on Jon's shoulder, "I really liked the one that was a photoshoot."

"I thought those were pretty as well," Jonah turned his head just in time to plant a kiss on the tip of Leo's nose, causing his boyfriend to scrunch it adorably, "this means we need to find two different photographers, one for the wedding, one for the photoshoot-"

"Could be the same one," Leo shrugged, tugging him towards a table, "oh try this-" he said, eyeing the fancy chocolate truffles. Jonah eye rolled at him.

"No, it's going to spoil my appetite," he scoffed, going through their list, "I wanna get a look at the venue representatives here-"

"Okay, okay, okay..."

Two hours later and Jonah was feeling extremely proud of himself. He had connected with several vendors and booked two different venue tours, besides they had matched well with several photographers and stylists-

His stomach let out a grumble, loud enough that Leo heard and raised his eyebrows, even in the crowded space, "that was your tummy?"

Jonah's cheeks burned and he looked away, crossing his arms, "I'm starving-"

"The cafeteria closed thirty minutes ago," Leo sighed, already pulling out his phone to search for a restaurant. Jonah shifted, he was really hungry, he had been so focused on the task at hand that he hadn't really thought about eating.

"Here," Jon stepped forward and grabbed some shrimp canapes from one of the stands, taking their card as well, although that was just for show, "have some-" his cheeks were burning from the embarrassment of it all, but there was no other immediate option and his insides were hurting.

Jonah ate his two canapes and Leo took one, munching on it without looking up from his phone, "alright, there's a restaurant about thirty minutes away from here on foot," he said, licking his thumb, "doesn't seem fancy, but if you're really hungry-"

"I'm starving," Jonah nodded, tagging along with him, "I was dumb."

Leo snorted at that, rolling his eyes as he ate his second shrimp canape, "nothing new ther- What's that?"

"What?" Jonah glanced down at his body, since Leo was glaring at him, "what is it?"

"In your hand?"

"Oh, just the card of the shrimp canapes. They're really good, by the way, though I might just be starv-" Jonah's voice faded as Leo snatched the card from his hand and then let out a loud groan.

"JON!" He whined, loud enough that some people looked their way, "Jon, that's Culinary Chic's card!"

He simply blinked at his boyfriend, confused, "should I know them...?"

"YES! These are the pricks who poisoned us on my birthday! The ones who did the cupcakes!" Leo's face paled and he let out a queasy groan, "oh my god, I'm gonna be sick."

Jonah rolled his eyes at his histrionics, "you had two little canapes, baby. Besides, it's not a very original name, it's probably a different cate-"

"Nope," Leo whined, continuing to walk, hunched over as if his stomach was hurting even though Jon was fairly sure it was down right impossible for him to be feeling sick 30 seconds after swallowing his food, "I'd know their logo anywhere, the office sued them- See! It says on the back that they're from Welton!"

Jonah cringed, "well, that's not ideal," he agreed, "but I feel fine. I'm sure you're just being dramatic-"

"Can you get it out of me?" Leo asked, just as they stepped outside the conference center. It was windy outside and Jonah shivered, while his fiancé collapsed dramatically on one of the benches on the sidewalk, "please? If we go to a hospital, can you do your mojo, get my stomach pumped-"

"Leo," Jonah cackled, standing in front of him and messing Leo's hair, "don't be ridiculous, I couldn't do that even if I believed you're actually feeling sick, which I don't."

"Do you hate me?" Leo's voice came out muffled as he leaned forward, pressing his forehead to Jon's tummy and wrapping both arms around his stomach, "I can feel it churning inside of me."

Jon let out a scoff, patting his back, "there, there. Can you get up? I'm really hungry, Leo. Starting to feel woozy from hunger, really."

Leo got up, pouting the entire time and moved away as Jonah tried to take his hand, "no, don't talk with me, you don't believe me," he squeezed his eyes as if he felt a cramp, "that fucking place poisoned me, again, and you won't even do anything about it."

Jonah glared at the side of his head, continuing to walk. He wasn't kidding about feeling woozy, while Leo had snacked all day on samples, Jon hadn't eaten since the day before.

"Okay, Leo, whatever," he snapped, feeling a little sting of annoyance. Couldn't his boyfriend save the scene for later, when Jonah wasn't about to collapse from hunger?

The rest of the walk was quiet. Jonah was feeling genuinely dizzy and Leo seemingly had gotten offended, so he was walking next to him with his arms wrapped around his belly and glaring at the ground.

"Is this the place?" Jon asked, as they stopped at a little rundown tiny restaurant. It was definitely not fancy, but it'd do. The smell of the food was amazing.

Leo nodded, not looking at him, "uh-hum."

With a tired huff, Jonah walked ahead and inside the place. Leo followed him without a word.

He ordered the first thing his eyes latched on, as well as a coke, then turned expectantly to Leo, "what do you want?"

"Nothing," Leo shook his head, with a grimace, "a water."

"You're not going to be sick," Jonah sighed as soon as the waiter was gone, rubbing his temples, before reaching over the table to squeeze Leo's wrist, "I ate the same as you, baby, I'm not sick."

"Well, I'm sick of your voice, so clam up," Leo bit back, squinting at him, "if you won't believe me, then don't talk with me. My stomach hurts."

Jonah rolled his eyes, grimacing as his own belly cramped, although in his case it was because of hunger, "alright, shutting up," he pulled out his phone in order to avoid looking at Leo.

They sat there in deadly silence for fifteen minutes, until finally the waiter came over with his order. Leo reached for his water bottle immediately, while Jonah barely had enough time to thank the waiter before he was munching on the food as fast as he could.

It was rare that he allowed himself to be this impolite, but truly he was starting to see some colorful dots in front of his eyes.

Jonah was so focused and famished, that it was only when he was halfway through his meal that he slowed down and let out a relieved sigh, lowering his fork and knife, "are you sure you don't wanna order something? It's actually really good-"

"No," Leo had lowered his forehead to the table, "I think I'm gonna throw up."

"Because of one measly shrimp canapé?" Jonah teased him, still not buying it, "doubt it."

It was the wrong thing to say, because Leo straightened up in his seat, pressing his hand to his lips and swallowing convulsively, "please, stop talking about food..." his voice was weaker now and Jon frowned.

"Are you actually sick?"

Instead of answering him, as soon as Leo lowered his hand, a sick belch rolled past his lips. His whole face turned red and he let out a whine, lowering his head in shame, "I'm sorry, excuse me-"

Jonah frowned, "Leo?"

His fiancé fidgeted, then shot up from his seat, cradling his stomach, "I- I'll be right back..." he grumbled in a thick, distorted voice, before shooting away in the direction of the bathrooms.

Jonah grimaced in sympathy, but still didn't get up. If Leo was sick, then he had a very long day ahead of him. And, in truth, Jon still wasn't fully convinced Leo hadn't talked himself into feeling queasy or upset his stomach with all the samples he had eaten.

He finished his meal, then drummed his fingers against the table, unnerved by Leo not returning. Jonah counted five more minutes, before fishing out his phone once again.

"Wow, so fucking worried over my wellbeing, you dickhead," Leo scoffed, as soon as he came back to the table, collapsing on his seat. Jonah rolled his eyes, lifting up his head and turning the phone around.

"I was getting us a hotel room, you prick," he glared at Leo, "clearly you're in no shape for us to drive back to Welton."

Leo's eyes widened, adorably, as he glanced from the screen with the booked room, then back to Jonah, then they welled up in tears, "Ah... I'm sorry-"

"What- No! Nononono-" Jonah leaped from his seat, so he could crouch down in front of Leo's, "no, baby, don't cry. That's alright, I didn't believe you, I was a dick-"

"You booked us a hotel room..." Leo sniffled, rubbing angrily the microtears glued to his lashes, "and I was a jerk and I feel so-so horrible-"

"I know, I know," Jonah cooed, biting down an amused smile at the over the top reaction. He reached in, cupping Leo's cheeks and wasn't even a little bit surprised as heat met his hands, "you're running a fever, love. Did you end up throwing up?"

"No," Leo shook his head, curling up and lowering his forehead to Jonah's shoulder, "other end," his voice came out muffled and from the corner of his eye Jon could see his cheeks turning red.

He let out a sympathetic noise, "that sucks. Do you think you can handle the walk back to our car in the conference center or you'd rather we just took a taxi straight to the hotel?"

Leo let out a whimper and his answer was entirely swallowed as he ducked his head and muffled a burp in his hand.

"Leo?"

"Taxi," his face had turned the color of spoiled milk, "I really don't feel well, Jon..."

"I know, darling, I think you caught some bug," Jonah stroked his cheek, ignoring the confused looks from the other patrons in the restaurant and clicking around on his phone to call them a ride.

"Go wait outside, I'll get you a bag," Jon instructed, pulling Leo up a minute later, "go, baby-"

The tip of Leo's nose was still red and he looked every little bit like puss in boots, making it very hard for Jon to keep a straight face. Still, the blonde walked out, while Jonah went to the cashier to get the bill and ask for a plastic bag, as well as a new water bottle.

As soon as he made it outside, though, he realized he too late. Leo had had the decency of not throwing up right in front of the restaurant, he was by the end of the street, but braced against a street lamp and projectile vomiting in the gutter.

Jon's stomach clenched and he tried, really hard, not to gag. It took all the love in him to walk closer and plant a hand on Leo's back, squeezing his shoulder in a reassuring manner.

There was absolutely no chance in hell he could even afford to glance at the mess, after having just eaten, so Jonah opted for only standing there and checking their ride in the app, making sure Leo wasn't about to collapse down.

After what felt like an eternity, but his phone told him was exactly six minutes, Leo coughed and spat, letting out a groan, "what the fuck was this..." his words were sticking together and he stumbled back, before leaning against Jon's side, "god..."

"Very impressive," Jonah mumbled, gulping down his own gag and breathing slowly through his mouth, "take a sip, baby-" he pushed the water bottle in Leo's shaky hands, "a small one."

Leo took the smallest sip he could, before wrapping a hand around his belly and grimacing, "it's churning like hell... How long for the taxi?"

"Two minutes," Jonah combed his fingers through Leo's sweaty hair, guiding him slowly away from the disgusting mess, "I'll rub your tummy for as long as you want, as soon as we're in the room."

"Uhm," Leo pressed a fist to his mouth, muffling a wet burp and moved back to the street in order to spit out a mouthful of frothy saliva, "remember you said that."

[dawn-the-rithmatist]

Severance s2e3 live reactions, because I guess I’m doing this now

- hello Ms. Cobel :)

- Mark buddy why the fuck are you timing how long it takes to get down the elevator

- Irving’s hesitation to go to O&D?? just stab me in the chest

- helly being so encouraging to Irving when I’m so suspicious that’s not helly?? Fuckkkkk

- “Once we’re out the door my outie will know what to do!” Mark please don’t let your innie down pls pls pls

- OH THE TENSION BETWEEN MARK AND HELLY. IT IS. SO VERY THERE. THEYRE MESSYYYYY

- I suspect the balloons are going to be a running theme

- IRVING YOU ABSOLUTE KING FOR RECREATING THE PAINTINGS

- is this him wanting to look for that hallway in the paintings or is this him hiding from O&D

- Dylan has bought in to the bullshit room plans, noooo the union busting is working

- I desperately want to know what Natalie’s deal is. Girl who are you. Why does the board like you and only talk through you. She doesn’t say anything except what the board has to say.

- OH THAT CONGRATULATIONS WAS HER. okay so there is a person in there somewhere

- something something the fucked up reward of getting to see god portrayed as you when you move up in the system and how that encourages you to play god with the people under your control-

- HELLO MS. COBEL.

- istfg if anything happened to those goats-

- helly is awfully hesitant when it comes to investigating with the goats. Very different from the girl who broke so many rules and tried to hang her outie… interesting…

- GOATS!!!!!!

- Goat?? Man??? Man dressed as goat??? Why

- “are you here to kill me” “hi I’m mark :)” this is a comedy actually

- this woman is living in an apocalypse zone and bitch rolls up in his nice suit like “hi I’m mark”

- Irving is looking at that painting,,, psychic damage

- HI FELICIA (meme voice)

- RAGHHHHH HIM AND FELICIA HAVE BOTH LOST SOMEONE THEY CARE ABOUT AND THEY BOTH GET EACH OTHER THEY FINALLY HAVE SOMEONE WHO GETS IT

- “wellness. we don’t abide such fripperies here.” Girl we can tell

- Also something about how the cowbell calls people but the goats don’t respond… something about how the innies were “locked up like animals” and she just summoned her department with something associated with animals…

- “is it rude to keep asking why you’re a kid” no because we’re all thinking it. But also yes, probably.

- holy fuck they’re really out there lovebombing Dylan so goddamn hard

- something something they saw what Dylan G would do for his innie family with overtime and then they said “we need him to care about something else right now, he’s too dangerous”

- “who’s Seth” “please refrain from sharing sensitive or privileged information” THEY DONT EVEN GET TO KNOW MILCHECK’S NAME

- they’re guilting him into company loyalty and I’m going to start biting. “life is better on the inside” ass behavior. Fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you

- do we think this is actually his wi- WHY THE FUCK IS THE PICTURE LIKE THAT

- BLACK AND WHITE AND OLD TIMEY CLOTHES???

- WHY??

- Irving and Felicia friendship is everything to me actually

- “I’ve only ever seen him scared of one thing. he spent two hours on his hair the first time he went to visit you” I am fucking unwell what the fuck

- the drawings are so-

- THE EXPORTS HALL???

- union organizer mark real

- POUCHLESS???

- Dylan’s wife has a pouch for her things that they made her carry in… hmmmmm…

- “no more cameras!” Mhm yeah so that camera angle had nothing at all to do with surveillance at all. We totally believe you

- Dylan’s visit with his wife is so awkward

- OUTIE DYLAN?!?!?!

- NATALIE HANGING WITH RIKEN?? What the fuck is up

- oh she’s mask off, interesting. Ain’t no way she gives a shit about the book

- they’re trying to make Riken into company propaganda Jesus fuck

- Devon my love my light my hope in the outie world she is so on to them

- THEYRE SO CLEVER. THEYRE SO FUCKING CLEVER

- CAN’T PASS A NOTE? SEAR THE NOTE INTO YOUR RETINAS I GUESS

- GOD THEYRE SO CLEVER, DEVON IM KISSING YOU ON THE LIPS

- I’m about to get jumpscared so bad by Harmony Cobel aren’t I

- oh that’s really not where I expected her to go. Maybe she is more obsessed with Kier than with Mark

- COLD HARBOR MENTIONED

- oh shit she really said me or Milcheck and LOST

- OH SHIT SHE JUST CALLED HELENA A NEPOBABY TO HER FACE

- “why don’t we reset. It doesn’t have to be this way” I just got chills, is she severed? Is she about to be severed? What the fuck

- I need to study Cobel under a microscope. What just happened

- mark is doing conspiracy shit and is simultaneously so exasperated when conspiracy shit happens

- REINTEGRATION?? OH I WAS EXPECTING IT AFTER THE THEME SONG BUT I WAS NOT EXPECTING IT TO HAPPEN THAT FAST

- Mark pls tell Devon before doing this. PLEASE tell Devon before doing this

- I’m so scared of this going wrong

- HOLY SHIT WHAT A WAY TO END THAT EPISODE

[owlwithanapple]

Fate Chapter 04. — Law

Roronoa Zoro X OC X Trafalgar Law

The story tells about the encounter between Yuki and the Straw Hat Pirates from different worlds and different eras.

After disembarking, you looked around to see the island was filled with a carnival atmosphere. The cities on the island were decorated with colorful themes and there were super-large street markets.

The city looks very lively and bustling with crowds of people. Various large-scale activities are held in the town. Many stalls have games to play, just like a cultural festival held by your school.

Nami said that this island holds a large-scale carnival once a year to commemorate a special festival. Of course, it is also a famous attraction, so it attracts a lot of people.

After hearing this, you followed them closely, fearing that you would get lost in this situation. This place is not like your world where you can report on missing children in the city center. If you get lost here, the consequences will be disastrous.

There are several fishing boats near the pier where fishermen gather. A little further walk is the location of Thousand Sunny. You can rely on the key points of those fishing boats to remember how to get back.

Nami put her hands on waist, "Okay! Now go have fun. Remember not to get into trouble!" She pointed at Luffy fiercely.

Luffy looked away and pouted, "IIIII know..."

"Yohohoho...Then I'll hang out with Luffy, Ussop and Franky." Brook followed the other three.

"Chopper and I are responsible for buying supplies." Sanji lit a cigarette.

"Then...Zoro, come with us. We need to buy some clothes for Yuki, also need help with getting things and escorts." Nami named Zoro to go with her.

Zoro crossed his hands and sighed impatiently, "I won't accompany you."

Robin said in a calm tone, "Zoro, I think it would be better to come with us."

"Yuki-chwan~Nami-swan~Robin-chwan~, I am willing to be your escort!" Sanji's eyes were full of love and he raised his hand to volunteer and recommend himself.

Chopper pulled Sanji and jumped around, "Hey! Sanji! We agreed to buy supplies together!"

Zoro's expression is impatient now, but Robin said that he is no sense of direction, so you should keep an eye on him, especially in crowded places.

There are many people here, and the place is large and crowded. It would be very troublesome if really lost. There seems to be no lost children center in the world to report. You also agree with Robin's suggestion it would be more peaceful for Zoro to follow.

You pulled Zoro's sleeve slightly, "Aren't you coming?"

You actually just asked him with a normal expression. But he turned his head, he saw you looking so cute for some reason. Could it be that he was influenced by Sanji to beautify women? He shook his head to dispel this fantasy.

Robin approached the two of you "Zoro, are you feeling unwell?"

He stretched out his hand said, "It's okay, I'm just a little dizzy from the heat."

"Ha! Marimo who drinks too much will have brain problems." Sanji laughed at him by spitting out cigarette smoke.

Zoro looked down upon him unconvinced and said, "Say it once."

The two of them started to quarrel as soon as they disagreed. Although they didn't fight, they expressed their dissatisfaction in words. Nami couldn't bear it and punched them both on the back of the head.

"What are you two idiots doing!" Nami was numb to their incompatibility, and punched them without hesitation.

Nami is sweet on the outside but terrifying on the inside. Her position in the Straw Hat Pirates is a navigator. Her strength cannot be underestimated. Look at the areas where they were beaten were all swollen into lumps.

Chopper was biting on Sanji's feet because he was going to be your escort and abandoned Chopper. Robin bought a marshmallow and handed it to Chopper to please him.

"Robin~You're the best~" Chopper ate the marshmallow.

Robin touched Chopper's head and said, "Hehehe, it's best if you are happy."

On the side, Nami is giving a harsh lecture to the two people. You know that the enemies they are fighting are very powerful, but you feel that Nami is particularly difficult to deal with in the Straw Hat Pirates.

"Nami, calm down." You stood in front of Nami tried to calm her down.

Nami suddenly regained her fighting spirit said, "Yuki, don't pamper them."

You put your hands in front because you were scared,"I didn't..."

The job was a simple job for Zoro, because he had nothing to do. Seeing you being nagged by Nami, he was a little impatient, but still compromised for your sake.

"Let's go." Suddenly Zoro walked towards you ignoring Sanji.

"Really?!" Your eyes lit up.

After he finished speaking, he just smiled at you. Although his expression didn't look very happy, since he was willing to come, you were very happy.

"Let's go Sanji." Chopper grew bigger and pulled Sanji away.

Sanji's expression was full of despair, "I want to be~" He wailed but still pulled away.

It became a little quieter after Sanji and Chopper walked away without hearing his screams. You know Sanji volunteered to be a guard, but as a chef, he still prioritized replenishing supplies.

You and Zoro looked at each other, he just glance at you and avoid your eyes. You didn't pay much attention to it, but you pulled Zoro's sleeves and followed behind Nami and Robin.

He was walking behind while you holding his sleeves. From the back, your petite figure and short height were very different from his. There was simply a height difference between the two of you, as if you were as cute as a little girl.

"Cute." He just thinking but accidentally let it slip.

"Huh? What did you say?" You turned to look at his face.

Nami stood at the clothes stall shouted and waved to you two, "What are you doing? Come here!"

"Okay!" You run away quickly.

He crossed his arms and followed slowly. He breathed a sigh of relief was glad that he no longer has any undue thoughts about you. He knew that you were a brave and lovely girl, and it was normal to have wrong intentions when looking at your face.

He didn't get close to you, he just found a cool place to stand aside and wait, his eyes never leaving you. After all, there could be danger at any time due to the crowd, so he was alert to the people around.

But don’t understand what’s going on in his heart. He is obviously used to all kinds of women, but you are like a rare girl. He just has an inexplicable feeling affecting him.

You are special, people from different worlds, it is good to be different and fit in with them. But when he thought you might go back any time, his heart ached and sad, he didn't know what was wrong with him.

If you really choose to go back, it is your decision and destiny. He has no right to keep you. He can only live with you now and cherish every moment.

"Zoro! Look! This one looks good!" You showed him a light blue dress.

Zoro just smiled softly "Yeah, it looks good."

Your smiling expression felt so sweet to him. Everyone has a smile, but only your smile makes him happy. Maybe this is your charm that can lift his mood.

"Take it." Nami handed a pile of purchased clothes to Zoro.

Zoro was dumbfounded "Buy so much?!"

"Hehehe, it's cheap and affordable." Robin chuckled.

He really admired that girls could buy so many clothes. It was only one or two sets of clothes a day, the purchases were piled up. In desperation, he still obediently helped you carry a bunch of bags full of clothes.

Robin gave you a straw hat with a bow. You were very happy and put it on. In such a hot weather, it would be extremely cool to wear a hat with an electric fan. The temperature here is still hot compared to the summer in your world.

At this time, the crowd was surging, like something was about to happen. Some people wearing colorful costumes pass by you and heard people saying there will be a wonderful performance later.

"The performance is about to begin, please take your seats quickly!" Someone wearing a colorful performance costume shouted loudly.

As soon as the crowd heard this announcement, they suddenly started to make a noise and ran towards the stage with great interest. Before you knew it, you were already overwhelmed by the crowd and could not control it.

"Yuki!" Zoro yelled at you.

You heard Zoro kept calling you, when you turned in his direction, you were already separated by a distance. You were squeezed into the crowd couldn't get out.

In the chaotic situation, you have no choice follow the direction of the crowd for the time being and wait for a while before finding a way. This performance is really attractive and can make everyone run to watch it with excitement.

After a while, the crowd was no longer so crowded, you took the opportunity to sneak out and breathed a sigh of relief. Although you didn't know what the performance was, it should be very exciting and attract everyone's attention.

When you reached out to fix your hair, you found that the hat was missing. Robin had just given it to you and you lost it by accident. You began to look around nervously for the hat, which was probably lost in the chaos.

"My hat..." You reflected on yourself in frustration, how could you be so stupid that you could even lose a hat.

When you were still depressed and lost, someone approached you, you didn’t notice that someone was standing next to you, only focused on your own unhappiness. The person approaching you called you several times but you didn’t give any response.

He poked your shoulder with his scabbard "Oi..."

"Ah! Sorry! I didn't notice!" You were startled.

A man wearing a white hat with black spots, black coat, backpack, a long katana on his shoulder, unique style tattoos on his hands and chest stands next to you .

"Take it..." He handed a straw hat to you.

It was a bit scary to face a stranger alone in this strange place without their company, but when you saw the straw hat in his hand, you swallowed hard and took it, "Thank you."

You accidentally saw that even his fingers were tattooed with the word "DEATH". Why do you feel that this guy is so sinister, and whole body exudes a punk and gothic charm.

Is he a swordsman? As far as you know, the swordsmen of the Straw Hat Pirates include Zoro and Brook. Even if they are the same swordsmen, their temperaments will be completely different. You know that Zoro is a strong and muscular type, and he feels like exudes a strange aura.

He noticed you were staring at him "What are you looking at?"

"Eh? I'm sorry!" You bowed to him to apologize. Although Robin told you there was no need to do this here, you still did it naturally as an instinctive reaction.

Although he is stern, his appearance is a little scary, which is his unique side. You feel a little scared and quickly apologize then leave immediately. Without paying attention, you are suddenly hit by a passerby running over and fall to the ground.

"Sorry." The person who bumped into you apologized casually and ran away.

"Oi..." Someone reaches out to you.

You looked up and saw the man who had just helped you pick up your hat was reaching out to you. You were a little shocked, but still held his hand and stood up slowly, brushing off the stain on your pants and sighing.

"Thank you." You bow politely to express your gratitude.

"No need." He looked aside and said coldly.

You looked around still didn't see anyone else, hoping that Zoro hadn't gotten separated from the others. You were really worried when Robin said he was a super roadie.

"You are not a local." Suddenly he spoke.

Did he see through you? After all you're acting strangely "What do you mean?"

"Nothing..." He lowered his hat to cover his eyes.

You have no choice but try to ask him for directions, "How do I get to the pier?"

He sighed and pointed in one direction, "Go to the road sign ahead. Turn left there and you can see the sea. That's the pier."

So glad he’s willing to show you the way “Thank you so much!”

After you finished speaking, you immediately turned around and left. There was a man moving boxes at the same time and heading in the same direction as you. When you almost bumped into him, a pair of hands pulled you back.

"Oi...be careful when you walk."

The tattoo with the word DEATH on the hand resting on your shoulder came from the man just now. You was very embarrassed when he saw you confused and twice , you wanted to drill a hole to hide.

"Erm... I'm causing you trouble." You clenched your hands in embarrassment.

He let go of his hand and said expressionlessly, "Watch the road when you walk."

"Okay..." You are still in an awkward situation.

He sighed put his hand on the back of his neck "Are you alone?"

"I got separated from my friend..." You looked at his expression as if he was thinking about something.

He stamped his feet, crossed his arms and frowned,"You don't look like a local. It's your first time here?"

You blinked and thought about how to answer him so as not to sound suspicious, "Yes..."

This man feels so cold but very considerate. You are just strangers but he is willing to help you. You are so lucky to meet him with kindness. You really don't know how to thank him.

If in the previous world, you were alone in a strange place, you would encounter people with evil intentions at any time. In a world with poor public security, there were some thoughtful people, so you should really pay attention to your own safety when you go out.

He rubbed his chin tilted his head, curious that you had no reaction to him. "Do you know me?"

You also tilted your head said, "Which celebrity are you?"

"Celebrity? What is that?" His expression showed that never heard this word.

You were so panicked and waved your hands to change the topic, "It's okay! I'm leaving first!"

This time you carefully turned your head to make sure no one was passing by before leaving. The tattooed man seemed to notice something strange in the way he looked at you. He did not expose you directly but observed in a low-key manner.

With an uneasy mentality, you followed the route he told you, hoping to reach the pier without any problems. As you walked, you looked around see everyone enjoying themselves.

You want to enjoy seasonal activities but afraid if get into trouble or forgotten by them, it will really be over. You looked around and there was no sign of them. Now all you can do is wait at the pier.

"Miss, are you alone? Do you want to play with us~" Suddenly someone grabbed your shoulder.

Several men surrounded you. You had an ominous feeling and tried to break free. "I'm sorry, I have something urgent to do and I have to find my friend."

"Just for a moment~" He grabbed you harder.

"You're so popular." The tattooed man approached you.

"Want to join us?" The person who captured you showed a sinister and cunning expression to the tattooed man.

You gritted your teeth and panicked, looking at their conniving looks, "Are you on the same side as them?"

"How is that possible?" The tattooed man raised his hand made a movement to create a hemispherical space to surround you and those people.

Suddenly your shoulders felt a lot lighter. In the blink of an eye, those few people and the hemispherical space also disappeared. Could it be that he has the same special abilities as Luffy.

Thanks to his rescue, otherwise the consequences would have been disastrous. But when you look around, those people are no longer in your sight. What on earth did this tattooed man do? Where did those people go?

"I can't repay you now, I only can say thank you." You said simply with a smile on your face.

He scratched his head, "You're welcome. I'm just curious something."

You listen carefully "What?"

"Where are you from..." He looked directly with a serious expression.

His expression has already revealed his doubts. If you want to change the subject, it might be difficult. There is no other way. You can simply tell him something first and ask him how he noticed something strange about you.

"Let's sit down and chat somewhere." You looked at the street stall not far away.

After you and the tattooed man walked to find a seat and sat down, you did not put your hands on the table but clasped them together under the table. You were not a sharp person, unlike him who could immediately detect something strange even though his eyes were fierce.

He took off his backpack and placed it next to the chair, placed his sword on the table. The scabbard was engraved with a small "cross" pattern from top to bottom, tied with a red drawstring, and had furry protectors on its handguards. .

Without hesitation, you spoke first, hoping that he could answer your doubtful question clearly, "Did I do something that makes you weird?"

He crossed his legs and hands, "A little."

His reply left you speechless, "I understand..."

"You don't know me?" He asked calmly.

You shook your head, "I really don't know you. Did you recognize with the wrong person?"

He tilted his head and stared at you "Have you ever seen Bounty?"

"Is there a bounty in this world? Where can I see it?" You were excited and curious to hear because there was no such thing as a bounty in the previous world.

His brows raised slightly, "This world? You don't understand bounties?"

Realizing that something was wrong, you clenched your hands and put away excitement and curiosity. You already made him find something suspicious, "I..."

The tattooed man showed a sinister expression, "Who are you?"

"Would you believe if I were from a different world and era?" You asked him vaguely, showing a serious attitude.

"Interesting." He said with an evil smile on his face.

You have aroused his interest and attention, so you take advantage of this and say, "If you want to know who I am, basically have to introduce yourself first."

"My name is Law..." He still kept his evil smile.

His name is Law? Doesn’t Law mean law? His image doesn't fit well with the law, but you are somewhat interested in him. "My name is Yuki."

You looked around saw Sanji's back in the crowd. You were so lucky to meet him in the huge crowd. You could finally return to everyone. You stood up and said goodbye to Law without hesitation.

"Law, I'm sorry to disappoint you, but I found my friend. Let's talk next time if we have the chance." You winked at him left your seat and ran into the crowd.

"Oi!" He stood up looked at you running into the crowd and shook his head, "When is the next time?" He secretly rejoiced that he was interested in you. He was a well-known figure in the pirate world, regardless of the bounty or reputation.

When you met him, you didn't run away, but looked confused and clueless. He was very sure that you were definitely different. What do you mean when you say you are not from the same world? He once heard an ancient legend that can bring people from another world.

He felt a little regretful before he could stop you from continuing to investigate the truth. If that ancient legend was true, it would be worth researching. But now that you have run away, he is very upset that there is no opportunity for research.

“Minamina shima wa atakai～Paina-puru puru～”

"Mugiwara-ya..." Law happened to pass by Luffy humming a strange song and Usopp nibbling food.

Usopp immediately pulled Luffy when he heard it, "Oh, what a coincidence."

"Torao!" Luffy jumped up excitedly.

Usopp was curious that there were no other crew members around Law, "Are you alone?"

"I and the other crew members are temporarily separated to deal with matters. I would temporarily join your ship." Law put on his backpack, picked up the scabbard and left his seat.

"Okay! Welcome!" Luffy jumped onto Law's shoulder and smiled.

"Come down! Mugiwara-ya!" Law was trying to get rid of Luffy.

Usopp didn't stop them but just stood by and watched "Hahaha!"

At this time, you finally saw Sanji and Chopper who have bought supplies in the huge crowd. You hurried to follow because you were afraid of getting lost again, and you didn't want Nami and the others to worry.

"Sanji! Wait for me!" you yelled.

He turned around saw you squatting on the ground panting, "Yuki-chwan?! Aren't you with Nami-swan and the others?"

You hugged your feet shook your head, "I got lost just now. Are you going back?"

Sanji knelt down in front and caressed your head, "Yes, let's go back together."

Chopper took a bite of marshmallow and gave you a little bit. "Would you like a bite?"

"Thank you, Chopper." You cried while hugging Chopper.

"Yuki?! Why are you crying!" Chopper panicked and struggled to comfort you.

You finally got rid of the uneasiness in your heart. The image of you being alone has been circulating in your mind. You are really afraid of being overwhelmed by loneliness, tears are filling your eyes and flowing down unconsciously.

Sanji panicked and caressed your back, "Did someone bully you? Or are you feeling uncomfortable?"

You buried your face in Chopper's furry back. "It's okay. I just feel relieved that I found you."

"It's okay. Let's go back together." Sanji stood up and stretched out his hand to give you a hand.

You held his hand and stood up slowly, holding Chopper in your hands. "Yeah!" You smiled brightly.

You carry a bag of supplies and Chopper follow Sanji to the pier to gather. The three of you were talking and laughing along the way, but Sanji couldn't bear to see you holding heavy objects, so he took what was in your hand.

"Yuki-chwan...I want to say something." Sanji said with a serious expression.

You took a bite of Chopper's marshmallow "What's wrong?"

He blushed a little and looked at your face, "We seem to be a family of three..."

"Hahaha, it looks true from the outside." You laughed.

"If Sanji is the father, then I want unlimited marshmallows." Chopper waved the marshmallows in his hand.

You rub your cheek against Chopper's back, "Be careful of cavities~"

"Hahahaha! Don't rub against me! Stop! It's so ticklish!" Chopper laughed and struggled as his back was tickled by you.

Sanji looked at the two of you playing gently, "Hehehe, I'm so happy at this moment."

"Huh?" Sanji said something make you care.

He shook his head looked ahead, "We're almost there~" and smiled.

In the situation just now, you cared about what Sanji said, but his expression was particularly gentle. It must be something good happened to him. You didn't mind and didn't pursue it, you just happily followed Sanji to the pier.

After arriving, everyone except Luffy and Usopp sat together and waited. Zoro stood up immediately when he saw you, his expression seemed tense and worried.

"Yuki! Are you okay? Did you get hurt by the crowd just now?" Nami ran towards you to check if there any injuries.

Robin came over and said, "It's great you're back safely. We couldn't find you just now."

"Yohoho, Yuki-san is fine." Brook patted your head.

"Su~per~" Franky drank a soda.

The sudden concern made you hard to get used to, but you were happy in your heart. The corners of your mouth raised slightly to show a smile, "I'm back, everyone."

"Then let's move the things onto the shit first." Nami raised her hand and suggested.

Brook suggested, "Zoro and Yuki-san, please wait us here for a moment."

Except for you and Zoro, everyone else has loaded the supplies onto the ship. While waiting, you sit down to rest and fan yourself with your hands. The combination of the hot weather and carnival is really exciting.

You fanned yourself with your hands, "Luffy and Usopp don't know what's going on..."

"It should be fine." Zoro's expression was calm but slowly approached you.

A bit inexplicable "Zoro...do you have something to tell me?"

He stamped his feet and hands on the back of his head, as if he was worried about something. "As long as you...are safe..." His cheeks were slightly red.

He was always silent but always cared about people in his heart. Your heartbeat suddenly accelerated for a moment. Maybe it was because the weather was too hot and emotions were a little confusing so you didn't care so much.

"Hehehe, thank you for your concern." You swayed your legs.

"Yeah." Zoro raised the corners of his mouth slightly.

During the waiting period, the two of you fell into a state of silence and no communication. Zoro's expression could not reveal his inner thoughts at all. You started to be in a daze when nothing to do. Zoro suddenly stood in front of you and looked down at you.

You looked up at him "What's wrong?"

"This is for you." He handed you a blue hairband with a flower pattern.

You stood up and faced him. "Really? It's so beautiful! Thank you Zoro!" You took care of it carefully.

"Do you like it?" Zoro was a little nervous because you were face to face with him, and despite the height difference, you were so close.

"I love it so much!" You tied on your hair.

Zoro's hand unconsciously caressed your cheek "It looks great with you."

For some reason your heart skipped a beat again. "You're so sweet."

The two of you are in a subtle relationship and not very familiar friends. It happens that you are together because of Nakama. It is a bit strange not to hate the current atmosphere.

"Zo~rooo~" Luffy's voice came.

"Yahoo~" Usopp also greeted.

"Luffy! Usopp! You guys bought so much!" You ran towards them excitedly.

Zoro was a little embarrassed by the sudden interruption, but he felt relieved when saw you were genuinely happy. His heart was healed when your reaction receiving the hairband was so cute.

"I'll buy you two some local delicacies." Usopp handed the food to you and Zoro.

"Thanks." Zoro started eating.

"Hehehehe! The roast chicken here is delicious!" Luffy took a big bite of the meat.

You mustered up the courage to try the food Usopp bought, which looked like a sandwich. There is a layer of bread filled with vegetables, a few slices of unknown meat and a secret sauce. You take a bite and slowly chew it in your mouth before swallowing. The appearance of this meal is somewhat similar to the cuisine in your world.

"How does it taste?" Usopp was a little nervous, worried that it wouldn't be to your liking.

"Usopp, what kind of meat is this?" You pointed at the bread curiously.

The bread has a rich buttery aroma, the grilled meat tastes delicious with the secret sauce, but the bite of the meat is a bit rough. What kind of creature has such a texture?

"The crocodile meat at this stall is so delicious! You can smell the meat when you walk by!" Luffy said loudly.

"Crocodile meat!?" You looked at Luffy then the sandwich in hand.

"Have you never eaten?" Zoro came over.

You gulped when heard the ingredients, "I don't eat or see crocodile meat in my world."

"Your world?" Suddenly a familiar voice.

A man came up behind Luffy, it was the tattooed man Law! Could it be that he followed you all the way, but it should be difficult for him to find you in the crowd, but now he is standing in front of you.

"Hey, Torao..." Zoro greeted.

"Roronoa-ya..." Law nodded and greeted back casually.

"Do you know each other?" You felt uncomfortable and curious.

Usopp explained awkwardly, "Luffy's friend is also a member of our alliance."

Law sighed expressionlessly, "Is this the new Nakama you're talking about?"

A loud laugh came from Luffy's mouth and he pointed at you "That's right Torao! That's her! Yuki from a different world!"

This guy really didn't expect that he was actually Luffy's friend. Since he is his friend, Law should know about you if Luffy explains in detail.

"Hey, we meet again." Law walked towards you step by step.

Subconsciously, you stepped back step by step. Although you knew who he was, he exuded a fierce aura. "I... I really didn't expect it."

As he got closer to you, Zoro stood in front of you, "Hey, what do you want from her?"

Fortunately, Zoro is in front of you, so you don't have to look at Law, otherwise you should talk. You grab Zoro's clothes from behind and poke your head out. Law has stopped and tilts his head to look at you.

"Are you traveling here?" Zoro asked directly.

Law raised his hat and revealed his eyes, "I and the other crew members were temporarily separated for some reasons. I just mentioned to them that I would temporarily join your ship."

"I see." Zoro crossed his hands.

"What's wrong?" Luffy ran to your side.

The sharp Usopp used his special insight: "There is a possibility that Yuki was frightened by Law's face when they first met."

"The second time we meet." Law pouted and retorted coldly.

"Huh? Have you seen her!? I still want to show off!" Luffy pouted curiously.

Law didn't answer Luffy's question because he just stared at you and ignored the existence of other people around. Sure enough, he was a smart character and he could tell you were different from them.

Zoro in front of you glanced at you and Law without realizing it. Although he didn't understand why Law kept staring at you, his intuition told him that Law was interested in you. After all, he was interested in researching everything.

You avoided Law's gaze and hid behind Zoro to continue eating. Since he was Luffy's friend, he was not an enemy, but his image really didn't match his name. He looked like a villain.

"Where are the others?" Usopp interrupted the strange atmosphere.

Zoro pointed back with a thumbs up "They are sorting supplies."

"Zoro! Let's sneak away!" Luffy was so excited pulled Zoro away.

"Hey! Idiot!" Zoro yelled.

Ussop ran to keep up "Yahooo!"

You are still hungry so you continue to finish the food and then throw it away. The three left you and Law alone, you looked at each other in an awkward state. You are a little troubled and hesitant whether you should follow them because their pace is too fast.

You glanced at Law waved to him, "Hi..."

He came and stood in front of you and smiled evilly "Yo, Yuki-ya."

To Be Continued—

*If you have any ideas leave them in the comment section, and I will try to add in the story.*

[whimsicalcotton]

Also I started getting into the namesake song of polluted marrow (Spiracle by Flower Face) and it's so good... I wanna give you the green light to ramble about how you think this song relates to the fic/the characters/etc bc I'm very curious to hear how it inspired you 😊

[cracks knuckles] Okay so,

for starters this AU is kinda old. i think i started toying w the general idea in 2016ish, and the want to write it got hardcore resurrected when i decided to watch an lis1 playthrough for the first time in fucking ages last year. i happened to find Spiracle recently after finishing up so there was already like a 60% chance i'd start associating it w lis through just that, but then i was smacked in the face specifically by this last line

so hard that i was immediately like Oh God I Need To Write That Timelooper Max AU Right The Fuck Now. (like seriously. "i want you butterfly, i want you sailor." what am i supposed to Do after hearing that if not wail over pricefield)

as a whole for me the song is about The Devotion (tm) and how Max loves every last little part of Chloe, good or bad, for better or worse, so goddamn much that she's willing to put herself through all this fucking bullshit several times over. Yearning On A Cosmic Scale kind of vibes.

but then after a few listens i Realized. that some of these lines are really good for Rachel + the admittedly unhinged amberfield dynamic i have brewing. imo Max is definitely not immune to the whole putting the idea of Rachel on a pedestal problem, but she does it Different than everyone else bc her image of Rachel is informed mostly by how important she was to Chloe. which is to say i read some of these lines in an "and i want you, too. i want every part of her and you're a part of her," sort of way.

also this one line is very Max @ both of them

and to bring it back to that last bit again, i feel like the butterfly/sailor line is pretty self-explanatory but "i am your lover, and i am your jailor," to me is the crux of all those conflicting gnarly gay timelooper feelings. no one loves you like me, no one hurts you like me. i'm saving us, i'm keeping us trapped here. i'm the one who pulls you from your grave, i'm the one who throws the first shovel of dirt onto your coffin. i'm your lover, i'm your jailor.

also! even the title easily lends itself to lis imagery bc A) english is stupid and there are too many words that look the damn same so i think of spirals every time i see it. and more concretely, B) spiracles are little holes in an insect's body that they use to get oxygen and ofc,, both butterflies And the chrysalis itself have them. i'm mentally unwell about this actually. truly i wasn't aware i could be emotionally damaged by looking up caterpillar facts but that's what writing does to you i guess.

and lastly i picked out 'polluted marrow' as a title for the whole AU because

could be Any Of Them.

for Max it's "i'll still want you if you're nothing; i'll still want you if your insides are rotting." for Chloe it's "i want to know what's hurting you; i want to take it away." for Rachel it's "i want to see the depth of your sickness; i want you to hold it to my throat like the weapon you've made it into."

[morimakesfanart]

Sweetie are you alive?????

Somehow??? ;0;

I know I disappeared and I've been trying to figure out how to explain it when I post the next chapter. I have been unwell in multiple ways ;-;

I'm going to use this ask to try to figure out how to say it

First, the day after my birthday (yes the day after posting the last canon chapter) I went through something extremely scary that I don't want to talk about. I thought I was okay, but I'm the type to compartmentalize until I am actually safe enough to feel which turned out to be a few weeks after the event. I was actually so shaken up by what happened that I couldn't write or draw or do anything for fun for nearly a month. I was like a robot

Second, just as I was getting better emotionally, I got very very sick, had to see many doctors and specialists to figure out what was wrong. I had 3 conditions making each other worse. I won't get into the details here but it hurt to open one of my eyes for a long time and then I developed sever vision fatigue in both. Last week I was finally diagnosed as being infection free after months of treatments, but it went on for so long that I'll probably be having symptoms for at least another month as my body calms down.

The biggest saving grace is that I now I know I've been fighting an infection for who knows how long and got cured of it, maybe I won't get as sick all the time for a while???? ((Please🤞🤞🤞))

I started working on the art for the next chapter 2 weeks ago as the pain started fading enough that it didn't hurt to look at my art tablet. Not sure how long it will take because I keep getting vision fatigue very quickly. Patreon got to see the sketch version already. I'm practically desperate to draw and write at this point so as I'm slowly able to do so it's rushing out of me like tsunami. I have chapters 40&41 mostly done being written now too

Medical TMI for the morbidly curious :

(not a lot of details, but I wanted to hide it because I know eye stuff can be scary for people)

I learned that I had an ongoing eye infection in my eye lids and around my eye lashes for the past several years that was misdiagnosed (that doctor definitely didn't like me so I'm not surprised tbh). It only revealed the truth because my immune system couldn't keep up anymore and the infection started spreading under the skin in an extremely huge and painful way. The past several months I've been doing treatments. It was only last week that I was diagnosed as cured of both infections, but it will still be a month or more of living with the after effects. It has hurt to use my eyes and keep them open for most of the past several months. It doesn't hurt much anymore at least. I have another appointment coming up to see if the current symptoms were from the infection+ meds, or if all of this was so bad that I have glaucoma now. It runs in my family so I'm at risk. Also, it looks like I will need eye drops for the rest of my life, and developing dry eyes was most likely a big factor in why I got the first infection.

I'm so done with being sick

[prongsfish]

hi fish!! i would love to hear more about nothing matters

okay omg this is a big one… i am super unwell about them. i’m not sure if it’ll actually stay titled nothing matters, for now i refer to it as that or ‘the bartylus character study’ lmao. it’s a muggle au that follows barty and reg from meeting at the beginning of hs (like 6/7th grade) through to after school, going from inseperable best friends -> codependent boyfriends -> their eventual breakup & recovery of their relationship. so yes- this is not endgame bartylus, nor endgame any other relationship for either of them. the focus is more on them as people, and how their own traumas, behaviours, and unwillingness to address their issues in a productive way effects them and their relationship. very “right person, wrong time” and VERY angsty.

i think i would be interested in writing a future sequel about each of them getting into new relationships and how they have to heal to do that and through that, because i think it could be interesting to write about, but i’d want that to be a seperate follow-up because i don’t want the story to lose focus on barty and regulus.

they don’t know how to function without each other, and they love each other so much, but they don’t know HOW to love each other in a way that doesn’t ultimately hurt them both. they cling to familiarity and they’ll never be able to entirely sever that bond, because they were everything to each other for a long time. they bonded through their shared pain, and in the end it created a relationship that perpetuated that pain.

it’s not really possible to explain the plot lmao, but i hope i could at least be somewhat comprehendable lmao. i am constantly thinking about them, they make me ill, and they haunt me. i love them, thank you and goodnight!!!

[wheneclipsefalls]

Hello, could I please get some advice? I need some from someone who doesn’t know me or him.

I’m 18, soon to be 19 in May, and I got the permission to start dating at 16. I was in no rush because I wasn’t thinking about that for almost two years. I started talking to this guy when I was 17, with me about to be 18 in two months, but he was so mentally unwell (I didn’t notice the signs until my friend pointed them out to me).

(Just an example of how he was:

He was so clingy and always hugged and kissed me. I have had past experiences, so I laid out when we first realized we liked each other that you need to ask permission for any physical contact. He broke that rule CONSISTENTLY. Then, when I had a physical health issue and could barely even breathe, was practically in and out the hospital, he got mad, ghosted me for several DAYS after I told him that I was focussing on my health for a week or two. When I started dreading even the thought of him, my friend pointed out that it shouldn’t be like that and we talked.)

Everything is okay now. I don’t speak to him or answer his texts. I don’t want to fully block him because I worry he may try to do something to himself if he contacted me again and realized he was blocked. Do you think I should block him? I feel it’d be my fault if something happens.

Something else I need advice on: I’m really ready to date and I have been close but then I think of someone else being like him and become relieved if it doesn’t get far. I’m not sure if this means I’m really not ready or if I’m just scared? I’m not sure how to seek therapy because I worry someone will take his side or tell me we weren’t serious enough for me to be so affected by him.

Damn, I'm sorry. That sounds really intense.

Listen, I don't want you to take my advice too seriously because one I am not an expert and two I don't know everything about the situation. That being said if I was you I would stay away from him. If he is consistently contacting you, then block him. I know that may seem scary if he is perhaps threatening to do something to himself, but that can't be a reason for you to put yourself in harm's way. It can't be used as a form of manipulation. If he really is talking about hurting himself I would try to contact someone that can actually help him, a professional and/or family member, and then cut him off.

Also love, please do not EVER let anyone tell you how you are supposed to feel. I mean it. It is not anyone else's place to say that you weren't serious enough to feel hurt. No good therapist will tell you it was no big deal and to get over it. If they do, find a different one. We all have a right to our feelings, especially when they are from past trauma/experiences. It takes time to heal. Trust me, I know. I am still healing from a lot of shit, but times does help.

Maybe you're ready. Maybe you're not. I think it's perfectly natural for you to be hesitant and guarded considering what you went through. That's doesn't mean it will be that way forever. But if I were you I would just try to be patient with myself when dating. Yes try to give people a chance to prove that they are different from him, but also be mindful of your feelings and boundaries.

Once again, I am by no means a professional nor a perfect person, so this advice is not full proof. Those are just my feelings.

I truly hope that you are feeling better though. Remember to be kind to yourself as you heal<3

[nobodyexpectsthe]

okay we're all talking anchor headcanons:

CW: Body horror, medical horror

My go-to headcanon is the Anchor essentially bridges his waking form with his fade form. It displaced a chunk of his fucking hand in the fade when he grabbed it and because of this, his hand is a tunnel from the real world to the fade.

The problem is living things can't stay alive in the Fade indefinitely. Especially not when it's, y'know, a chunk of your body that has not been disconnected from blood supply.

The tissue of Pirith's hand is slowly decaying, because I am all about exploring how much a mortal elf was not meant to touch this fucking anchor. I don't think its visibly like... unwell until about midway through Inquisition, when the tissue in the fade is dead. By the start of Trespasser it is straight fucked.

The magic is keeping the hand functioning as it should and relatively painless.

i don't think he has normal sensation where the anchor sits on his palm even when there is still tissue seemingly there. At first he thinks its because he received such a severe burn it absolutely destroyed the nerve endings, but the skin around it is fine and he has no problem moving his hand. and he comes to realize that his body does still register sensation in the strip of flesh, it's just - not tied to anything in this plain.

this is because that chunk of his hand is sort of just… in the fade? like that bit is still in there and the rest of them is out here. so it feels things, just things completely disconnected from what the rest of his hand is feeling. and in dreams it's the only thing that has actual sensation.

He avoids touching people with it and usually keeps it wrapped up because the sensation bothers him and he's honestly a little worried it'll discharge if he's not careful. Eventually, he keeps it wrapped up because it is really fucking unsightly. yet it's in a kind of stasis, so there's no smell to it and it remains fully functional until the end.

The one source of pain is the usage of the anchor itself. the more he uses it, the more the glowing scar-tissue opens up and spreads. It also takes longer for the pain of using it to fade.

They'd probably have discussed trying to remove the limb before things get too bad, but as it's a magical injury and the anchor was tied to him in both reality and within the fade, there was no guarantee that removing the arm would remove the problem. There was every chance that it would just shift to the next bit of available host tissue.

Removing the anchor immediately disintegrates the surrounding tissue because at that point it's just dust. However, now there's no magic protecting his body from the advanced necrosis that's taken root in his arm. I don't think he's in great shape when he gets back, definitely at risk of going septic because a hunk of his body is just fucking dead and now has nothing to sustain itself on.

So while the hand is immediately gone from the wrist down, when he returns to Orlais they have to hurry and remove the rest of the decaying tissue. There's a little bit of a jump between the removal of his arm and the final exalted council meeting (but it was started with the expectation he would still be in recovery and thus wouldn't be able to advocate for himself and the inquisition) so i'd wager he's still on the mend at that point.

as for the lingering effects of the anchor -

i do think that the one benefit of this whole shebang is he was able to unlock the abilities of a somniari. but whether that's the anchor or the fade he can't rightfully say.

but notably no matter what form he takes in his dreams - even when he should have had both arms - he doesn't. his body and spirit were so corrupted by it that it destroyed part of both when it was taken.

[softcryz]

casts spell of being autistic about your characters on you

OKAY LISTEN partially late because I had to do things I AM GOING TO BE CONTAINING MYSELF IN THIS POST

BECAUSE I feel as if sharing this is illegal (even though these are literally my characters)

SO specifically for the past few days I have been very. Unwell about these very specific guys but I will need to do some explaining beforehand

I have another iterator named Times Lost In Bliss! She's in the same group as Creativity (Lands Edge) and is actually! Their senior!

Don't worry she's actually a normal senior. I say this genuinely xey are just really nice

Times was built with lower processing power than the standard Iterator, causing it to have the tendency to... Fall asleep at inopportune moments. This can last from seconds, to minutes, to hours- to several cycles. Fae has no control over this.

Iterator with narcolepsy essentially

I could go on a WHOLE other ramble about Times BUT skipping a bunch of Stuff

Times has! Guard dogs!

He made them before the mass ascension so they are OLD AS HELL but they are so. She loves them so much they're just puppies to her

They're called The Detorrents! There's eight of them and they all have their own individual names of course

BIG. ASS. GUYS

Here is a doodle of fan favourite, Moss Grown Tall. He's just a happy dude

Do NOT let this doodle trick you. These assholes are fucking MASSIVE

And unfortunately they are god damn TERRIFYING and VERY good at their job. These fuckers can RUN. And CLIMB. And DEAR GOD YOU ARE NOT ESCAPING.

I've been working on slowly drawing all of them (I have concepts and colour pallets!) and EVENTUALLY having full blown references but YEAH THEY'RE ALL I'VE BEEN THINKING ABOUT

I am so very fond of Times' big, terrifying dogs with the internet in their brains

[remyfire]

Okay but BJ/Hawkeye/Sidney is such a good rare ship! One of the first MASH fics I read was for that OT3 before I even met 2/3 characters involved but GOD was it written so well and reminded me of another OT3 very close to my heart so I just sort of latched on lmao. And frankly it's tragic BJ never had any sessions with Sidney, because he definitely needed it. The man seriously struggled being away from home, let us see him deal with it in a healthy way!

Also aaaaaAHHHH I just watched An Eye for a Tooth and it was so good! I am so fond of Margaret and Hawkeye's friendship and this was such a good episode for that, and it was so nice to see a bit more of Margaret and BJ's friendship as well. It was such a delightful episode to watch all around, I loved all the silly pranks, and the way they all worked together at the end to mess with Charles because of COURSE they figured out he was behind it all, they're truly unstoppable when they put their heads together. And the subplot of Mulcahy wanting that promotion was great too, I always love seeing more Mulcahy storylines and just as much as I can get of him being an absolute sweetheart.

Also I'm complete garbage and relished in every one of the several shower scenes in this episode because mmmmm b o y s

I wish you could see me irl because I just chinhandsed when you said that was one of the first fics you read because I'm imagining that was Flootz's. Flootz, zir impact continues to be so widely spread and appreciated, god bles.

Honestly that's part of what I love so much about the Sidney and BJ dynamic, like, it is so underexplored, and you can easily say that it's because BJ is avoiding being alone with him to be analyzed, and that makes them so so much fun to write together. Just these extreme depths of potential, all the hidden secrets that can be dredged up, all the things BJ didn't actually realize that he buries. It gets me. I need a million more fics about them even if I have to write them all my damn self.

Eye for a Tooth is so much. It's so much. I'm not normal about it. Sometimes I feel bad that I'm not normal about it because the overwhelming majority of people that I know saw That Moment with BJ and Margaret as something unsettling and frightening, and something is probably wrong with me as a person because I Was Not Unsettled At All. Maybe it was because I could tell from the moment that the scene started that something was in the water, so I wasn't actually surprised when it hit, but A, it gave me great characterization and sad-past fodder for young BJ, and B, the hand-holding. The hand-holding, anon. idk if you noted it but in the aftermath, BJ and Margaret are just holding hands literally the entire time until he helps her back to her feet, and it makes me goddamn tender every time. Even then, he is trying to comfort her! Even then, he's holding that lifeline so she can remember the Truth of what just happened! I'm unwell about it! That moment alone takes anything potentially frightening about that scene and obliterates it for me because that. One. Lingering. Handhold. Tells me that even before the scene began, BJ needed her to know that she was safe.

Don't look at me, I'm fine, and I'm very normal about them, don't listen to what anyone else tells you—

The Mulcahy subplot is so interesting to me because I understand him craving recognition because it is a long-running theme that Mulcahy doesn't think he's doing any good on the ground, but I would've loved to see them lean into a conflict inside of him, that he's seeking worldly favor over spiritual fulfillment, that sort of thing? It's probably the ex-evangelical in me but there would've been something so satisfying about him having to actually grapple with the fact that he is basically willfully going against his God-given directive of humility and caretaking through his pursuit of higher rank, higher pay, literally demanding these things from time to time. Very camel through the eye of a needle, right?

That's actually part of the reason I haven't done much with Mulcahy yet in my fics. I know I'm gonna want to dig into that with him but I also know it's going to necessitate a deep dive, and once I start getting into his head, I am not coming out for a very long time fhsdkfd I just really wanna bring these desires of his full circle.

(also the shower scenes are hot as hell and the chopper pilot wanted to blow Mulcahy's back out, I know this in my heart)

[eriexplosion]

Oh hold on I actually do have a ship haha with almost no content 🤣 it's just Cody and crosshair bc of that whole touch starved wrist gripping moment it did something to my brain I stg. I multiship extensively tho pls go ahead and talk about tbb polycule or something, it's just that no other clone ships have flicked that switch yet (but I like seeing them as happy background pairings in fic)

Okay, but you are so correct for this anon like.... I shipped Cody/Crosshair a LITTLE before season 2 because that's the One Person outside the batch that Crosshair respected, to the point that he got into it with Rex because Rex wanted to take command. That's already a pretty special place, good ship potential even if no one was taking it, but that wrist cling rewired my brain chemistry about it. I have a few Cody/Crosshair fics in my bookmarks right now waiting for energy to read them, but they haunt my brain.

Also, the angst potential is off the charts. Because Cody obviously leaves without him - which of course he did, Crosshair seems to have doubled down on the Empire and didn't take any of the lures Cody was putting out to test his loyalty. From Cody's end, trying to take Crosshair with him would put them both at risk.

But from Crosshair's end, I hard headcanon that he killed the governor to protect Cody, especially because it was almost immediately after they had their little Moment in the stairwell. To him he's reaffirmed his loyalty to Cody not the Empire, even if Cody doesn't get that, and he has justttt enough time to think that maybe he can figure out how to explain it and then. Boom. Cody's gone. He's alone again. And the only bit of closeness he has to try and survive through an undetermined length of time ahead is that memory of grabbing onto Cody's wrist.

Like I am unwell about it. As is Crosshair, who is in fact unwell about several things.

[isildheir]

Honestly...

I was willing to just keep my mouth shut about my ex after our break up.

But I am still to this day learning about all the ways they lied and manipulated things behind my back. I have a right to be angry about that.

I can't believe the things my friends are revealing to me when I dare to ask about it.

Like, I thought maybe my ex really was just that unwell and is that steep in their victimhood. Yet, there are way too many parts they've moved around to suggest they were anything but intentional.

Kicking me from the server? Having calls with my friends calling me selfish? Calling me afterward to say they had to defend me because it was actually my friends calling me selfish and not them?

Texting me all throughout a concert I had planned for months with my friend wherein I was extremely distressed? Telling my friend they weren't talking to me and/or doing anything when my friend asked even though my friend can very plainly see my phone and that it was, indeed, my ex who was texting me?

Going to A SEPARATE friend to tell them my concert-friend was lying about how they were covering themselves up and trying to pin things on my concert-friend instead? That my concert-friend was actually terrible and hurt them and to please listen to his side of the story instead?

Keeping me in a three, four hour phonecall after the concert to talk about being less selfish when I asked if we could stop talking about stressful things? If I could please fucking take some time, maybe months, and for us to take a break in our relationship because it was too much?

For them to go behind my back and tell people this is proof I didn't care about them and take a screenshot result of how many times I typed 'I hate you' to prove I was cold/abusive/unloving when...literally every single mention MINUS ONE was severely out of context and not me expressing hate for them at all? Never mind the fact the ONE time I said it was after they mocked me and said I just want them to roll over and give up when I simply asked for them to stop saying a word I volunteered to stop using myself because it caused anxiety? This, after months of arguments and poor faith interpretations on my behalf already?

Them telling everyone a friend of mine was trying to steal me from them and isolating that friend from me and all our other friends? Them telling me later they never actually really think about that friend and are okay if we hang out? Them admitting to someone else that, no, actually, they were right to think my friend evil and intentioned?

Them venting to my friend about me for over a month where I sat in absolute silence (until the day we broke up), feeding her all these very onesided tales she discovered were lies when I and someone we both know finally shared our sides? How all the screenshots my ex shared were...so curated? How they were all so taken out of context? How they baited us with reactions to pin as proof they were the mistreated one? How my ex then cried and said 'no one is listening to my side and all Dean has to do is cry and you all come to support him' after...again, I was silent for a year and change and they've been talking about me for months, perhaps longer?

How my brother was silenced and encouraged not to look deeply into our relationship when he saw I was constantly crying when I'd check my phone, how lifeless and depressed I became? How my ex literally encouraged we have a group phone call to encourage my brother to stop thinking my ex was abusive and to essentially mind his business, further isolating me?

No. There is so much more that I've uncovered and seen and heard. If you support my abuser, know you are fucking enabling a genuinely dangerous individual. The people you have stalked and harrassed on his behalf do know you, and quite franlly, I will never forgive such an intentional abuser with their intentional mob.

You don't deserve my silence. You think the anger of your victims is proof you were mistreated. We're only angry and reacting and venting because we have uncovered the full extent of your disgusting manipulations, and you dare use our justified rage as your victimhood. We still to this day have proof you and your friends stalk us, and you keep wondering why we 'don't let things go'. You deserve hell. You won't even allow us the decency of our stories and every apology from you is so fucking hollow. I've seen it. I've seen you apologize and go to my friends who showed me you getting upset about how 'I never get punished'.

You literally text my brother after a month or more following our break up to threaten me into silence and to keep your name out of my mouth despite...me blocking you everywhere...and me not explaining what happened. Just fucking wanting space. You think me keeping silent is my admission I'm an abuser when you were genuinely manipulating all my friends for months behind my back. You think me wanting to avoid that emotional trauma on top of all you've already done to me is some admission of guilt.

Lmao. Like hell you deserve my silence. You don't even deserve the ground you walk on. Burn in hell.

[pixelizedprince]

Super glad the tooth crown that has caused me so much trauma is coming up and now I have to 1. find a dentist and pay whatever fuck I need new patient fee they have 2. have them tell me how awful my teeth are 3. beg them to just put the crown back on

I'm going to have a meltdown no matter what happens so it's cool and neat and fine and I'm totally normal about it

The actual surgery for the root canal and crown was whatever i didn't care and didn't mind its the fact that I was freshly 18, didn't have a job, and instead of my dad helping pay the 90 dollar copay he said he would it went to collections and had to be settled for over 800$ so now I'm terrified of medical bills and anything to do with my teeth bc of that so im spiraling and angry I never wanted this fucking expensive crown injust wanted them to extract the tooth but I was "too young and didn't know what was good for me" fuckers I hate all of you and I hate myself the most im absolutely the lowest mentally I've been in years and I want to actively not eat or exist

If they even mention my compacted baby teeth I will need to have someone with me for several days I am going to be unwell I am not not not okay about any of this

[ramblingtomcat]

Serious TW: self-harm, (adhd) meltdown

It's now several hours ago and yet I really need to get this out of my system. In my life I have had phases I have self-harmed. I had a mother who self-harmed when I was very little. Anyway. I both understood and did not understood why people self-harmed and I'm also trying to grasp why I do it.

I have had thoughts about self-harm since I was young. But it often scared me, so I didn't conciously do it. Yet I always had difficulties with emotional regulation, which is kind of typical for adhders I guess. Interestingly enough I'm not sure if I've mentioned it when I got diagnosed. Anyway. Mostly I would cope with overwhelm by shutting down, freezing, sometimes turning non-verbal. Or I would break down in tears and hit pillows in private. I think that's probably the most healthy way so far. But as I grew older, expectations for myself to "control my emotions" was also growing. I probably am really good at controlling myself for an adhder... or am I?

Fast-forward to me as an adult. Having unprocessed trauma and actively burning myself out. Burning myself out soothed some of my adhd symptoms, but also made some stronger. And I became really, really depressed. Did I go to therapy then? No. So I self-harmed through cutting myself. It gave me some sort of relief, and yet it wasn't that satisfactory for me, because I just still felt numb and because I also was in a limbo of wanting somebody to point out that I am clearly unwell, but also wanting to hide it so bad.

I told my partner and I stopped. And the line between my depression and my then undiagnosed adhd really blurred. Me being horrible at really voicing my needs and even recognizing that I have needs, I lose my temper more often than before. Maybe it was because I was having more stress than before. Probably even. And that also the earlier phases of my now-long-term relationship were a little challenging with us being two undiagnosed probably neurodivergent people having very contrary needs. (my partner isn't diagnosed, but has some autistic traits and a difficult upbringing, soo... yeah we both bring some intense trauma on the table)

Anyway. With the increasing external and internal stress I went through the last 10 years, it became more and more apparent, that I am really unwell. Even when I stopped cutting myself, I really struggled with emotional regulation. With translating my feelings into words and actions people would actually understand. And now I'm kinda good at it.

The thing is... I still feel overwhelm and overstimulation occaisonally. Which is a shocker, I know. /s

When I'm going into shutdown mode, it's normally "not that bad". I mean... it also sucks immensely, especially when I'm not alone while those moments. BUT I at least don't hurt myself.

Today I think I experienced a meltdown. And not really liking to use terms lightly, even though I am 90% sure that I'm using the terms I use accurately, it felt like one. Or at least how people describe them.

I woke up a bit late today. Which was okay. I was hungry. I made myself a sunny-side-up egg on toast. It was still a bit liquid, which I really enjoy. But I spilled it a little on the bed, which caused huge distress for no fucking reason. Like... it can be cleaned up and everything.

But i just couldn't help but scream and freak out. Which triggered my partner and distressed them. We were both distressed and both had our outbursts. While I think, they have recovered from it after, I just still feel this heaviness on my chest.

And I hit the wall. Like a solid stone wall. I also hit myself, but I guess the most damage came from hitting the wall. In that moment I just wanted to hurt so much. My impulsivity screamed at me wanting to beat me up physically. I stopped myself from doing worse. But now my right hand hurts. It's not THAT bad, because hey. I didn't bleed, I am likely a bit bruised and shouldn't really use my right hand that much. Especially the middle and the ring finger. The knuckles hit the wall and yeah. A part of me is concerned, another part kind of embraces it, liking that I was being destructive.

No, I do not plan on doing that all over again. It was not pleasant and I did sob after it. It's just that... it all was just pressure that released. Because who would cry over spilled egg yolks? Me, obviously. But on any other day, I would be like: "welp, hold on, I'll need to clean it" and move on. And today I punched myself in the face and hit a brick wall! Like woah, wayyy to go (ugh).

I don't know who to talk about it, because I don't know how to cope either. I have explained my situation with my partner earlier and they also explained their situation and it's fine. I just feel like I want to talk about it with somebody else who probably knows what I'm talkng about? On friday I have a therapy appointment, so that will be at least something.

I have heard about self-harm-skills before, since I have some close friends who have self-harmed before. The thing is just, that I normally don't self-harm. Meltdowns like this don't happen on the regular. Even when I'm overwhelmed or overstimulated, I normally manage to take a moment to calm down a little, before it gets worse. Also my medication also helps me most of the time one way or another. Today I was hungry and unmedicated, when I had my meltdown. That combined with a lot really small details that kept adding up, made me have a meltdown.

And I kind of want to joke about it. I kind of want to point out to SOMEONE. ANYONE that I was hitting the wall, being a big dummy, because I was overstimulated. But I don't want anyone to be concerned, because I know that I am not addicted to self-harm.

It's still scary though. Growing up as a person who never was able to express their feelings. Growing up as a person who always HAD to have control overtheir feelings. And then being in such a rage they can't control. Or well... rarely control.

I'm pretty sure I would never hurt anyone else than me. But... I really want to bring it up to my therapist this week because I kind of am afraid of myself. Not because I was able to harm myelf. It's more the uncertainty of it. People who self-harm regularly at least can be prepared. I don't fucking know when I would spill my coffee and spontaneously break my hand.