#i am now struggling to know if i'm having an allergic reaction or not

[manobjectifyer]

baby's first wasp/bee sting

[kaivenom]

Cookies with an extra ingredient

Summary: you were cooking some recipe from an old spells book. You went out of the kitchen to get something and when you get in, Sam was eating your creation.

Pairing: Sam Winchester x Witch!reader

Warnings: smut, some sort of sex pollen!AU, protected sex (p in v), masturbation (male to female), Sam being needy

Masterlist

Recently, you obtained a new book of magical recipes, you always liked this book. Currently you were preparing a potion that reveals people's true and most brutal desires, you don't know were you could use it but maybe in some case, it could help. The thing is a potion jar it's easy to identify so you decided to make some changes and make some cookies but there is something missing... chocolate chips.

You went to the pantry to take the missing ingredient and when you get in, you went back to the kitchen only to find Sam... eating the cookies.

"Sam, spit the cookie."

"Why?" he says with a cute smile enjoing the food, if it wasn't for the situation you would kiss him.

"Because they have an especial ingredient...magic." he inmediatly spitted the cookie, but still looked desperate at you.

"I have already eaten three of these! Oh my god, what they do?! I'm starting to feel really hot, maybe i got fever, ufffff..."

He started to walk, going around the kitchen, not letting you answer and suddently he stoped. He was next to you but with his back turned on you and his hand pressed on the counter, his breath was heavy. You started to worry about his health, maybe he had an allergic reaction, the other option his that the cookies made effect and he was starting to have the urge to satisfy his desires... but what he desires?

"Y/N, maybe you need to get out." his breath is heavy, more like a groan.

"No, these are my magical cookies so i am going to help you. This cookies made you reveal your desires, tell me what you want and i will get you that, then the effect will pass."

"That won't happen." he slowly turned around, his eyes shinning with a strange look, more dark than usual. "because i can't have the thing i like."

"Oh, came on, if you want it and you can have it the cookies then will work." he started to get close, his eyes going up and down your body, you started to realize what he wanted.

"I can't because even if i burn in desire, this isn't the right way."

"Sam, this is not going to stop until you get it."

"I want you, for months i wanted you," he couldn't continue talking, he sounds more like an animal in heat than a person.

You can't say that you aren't a little turn on but you can also see the struggle he is passing thru. You look at his lips and put your hand on his cheek while he makes a grunt.

"Just tell me, you want me just physically or emotionally." his eyes lighted up, surprised, looking at your lips.

"Both, since we met, i want to date you and fuck you..." the last word came desperate thru his lips.

At this time you were really wet about the situation, your eyes tricked you and made you look down at his crotch. Seeing that, he covered it shyly. You looked up again and slowly move your lips to his. It lasted only a second and separated yourself.

"If you don't do it then it won't go away, with magic cookies or without them... and you said you wanted to date me so i take your word and i let you do it with that promise, if you are lying i will rip your guts."

You grabbed his chin in a threatening way but he took the chance to put his hand behind your neck and push you together into a sloppy kiss. A full moan exited his lips when he met yours again while his other hand went to squezze your butt.

His strenght forced you to walk back and end up pressed against the wall, Sam's lips attaching now to your neck and making you let out broken moans. Both of his hands now on your butt and his clearly hard on pressing right on your wetness thru the clothes.

"You didn't know how much i wanted to do this, how much i dreamed about this... sorry if i am being to fast but i can't wait more to feel that pussy throbing on my cock while i pound you... i really want you to scream my name."

Your arousal grows really fast thanks to his filthy words, you licked his neck and bite his earlobe in response. You didn't know Sam could be so hot, you dreamed about it but it was nothing compared to reality and he even touched you yet.

His hands traveled to your thights and pushed you up, now having him carrying you to somewhere more private. His lips didn't separate from yours in all the way to his dorm, his pulsing erection against your cunt.

The clothes didn't last long when you entered the bedroom. Rapidly, you were fully naked, just like him. His cook looked like he was about to explode, dripping with precum. Now that your body is fully on his disposal, he attacked your breasts. One on his hand and the other one on his mouth, playing with your nipple. You grabbed his hair automatically from the pleasure.

"Oh god, your tits are perfect, i want to bury my face in them and don't get out ever."

"If after this you still want to be with me, you can do it anytime."

"Fuck, i need to be inside you."

"I don't think i can fit your thing inside without preparation." it's not like he is massive big but he is more than the ussual and preparation is always good.

"Then i will have the pleasure to taste your pussy."

You were a blushing mess, with all the nasty things that Sam is saying to you and the touches, you feel your body on fire and Sam's body being on fire too doesn't help either.

You were pushed roughly onto the bed, your legs pushed apart before he inmediatly pushes his face in between your thights. He started with slow and long kitten licks that sent shivers down your spine. Small circles around your clit made you closer to cimax really fast. You both were really needy, for so long, wanting each other bodies and attention, it feels like every touch could get you two to an orgasm. One finger entering you pussy made you almost jump of the bed with a broken moan. Pumping slowly, getting your juices out and preparing you to the thing coming. Another finger pushed your body to your limit, the knot on your stomach making you almost cum.

"I can't wait any longer, i hope you are prepared and i hope i don't hurt but fuck, i want to make you mine," his body is now on top of you.

"I am already yours."

"Now, i am fucking you because i need it desperetly because of the cookie, but tomorrow i will fuck you becuase i want to hear your moans."

He took out a condom from a drawer and put it on his cock. He started to enter your cunt slowly, all the heat from his member invaded your insides. He let out a broken moan and almost fell with all his weight on your body, his strenght falied from the pleasure as you let out heavy breaths.

"i need a second, too much," he couldn't almost speak.

"I need it too, fuck."

"Oh, don't do that or i am going to cum right now." apparentiy your sounds turn him much and thanks to the cookie, he is having trouble keeping all together.

His cock is pulsing inside you as he starts to move, pressure building inside you and hot electricity travelling thru your spine. The bead was cracking under your bodies with every thrust he made, but the sound of his pelvis claping with yours and Sam's moans are louder. Problably, if Dean cames back from the hunt he will surely hear you two, but you don't care. The only thing you care right now is that Sam is on top of you, pounding your brains out of your body, him moaning on your hear with every thrust.

"It's even better than i imagined, your cunt it's perfect, you are perfect."

His lips attacked yours again, brutally and desperatly, his hands squeezing your breasts and ass. You almost coudln't breath from everything that's happening. Suddently, you felt the urge to take control of the situation and breath. In normal occasions, you wouldn't be able to compete with Sam's strenght but now he is vulnerable. You separated him for a moment putting your arms on his chest, he looks at you like he did something wrong. You balanced yourself to change positions and now you are on top with a grin on your face adn a gutural groan from his part.

"Maybe i can help you from here."

You didn't have an answer from his part, just some cursing and low noises. His chest raised and lowed very fast, this new position is driving him crazy. You start to balance yourself and move slowly due to the new sensations that this pose is giving you. Sam's hands travelled to your ass to help you move, every second faster and rougher. You kissed him and wrapped his hair again, trying to get closer to him, if thats somehow possible. The heat it's unbearable now, trying to get out of your body.

"I'm close..." you managed to say.

"I am too, don't stop."

A couple more thrusts and you couldn't move from the pleasure of your orgasm. You pressed Sam against you while his arms were wrapped around you letting you feel his hot cum filling your cunt, trying to recover your breath. You tried to get up but he didn't let you.

"A little more like this, please."

"I can't deny nothing to you."

A couple of minutes passed and you really needed to go pee or shower but Sam's arms were still around you. That's when you heard a small snoring coming from him, he felt asleep. You took the chance to slowly slide yourself out of his grip and go to the bathroom.

When you came back to the room, you considered getting out but you notice Sam moving on the bed.

"Don't go, sleep with me, tomorrow i will make breakfast and we can talk."

That made you smile and get to the bed again, when you were about to touch his cheek and answer him, he was already asleep again. Note taken, you will not make magic cookies again but needy sex with Sam is the best.

[reggies-eyeliner]

THE CLASSIC MATCHUP - @littlelilbun

THE "HEAVEN IS A PLACE ON EARTH WITH YOU" COUPLE

#now playing ... video games by lana del rey!

miguel o'hara had never been big on physical touch. or talking. or purposefully making funny jokes. he actually wasn't a big fan on a lot of things. the only person he really regularly talked to was lyla, but that was only because he had to in order to get things going in the spider society-- but someone he could never find himself pushing away from was you. at first, being completely honest, he'd been so busy with monitoring the whole spider society that he'd neglected to realize that you and lyla were attached at the hip. both of you got along great, both having similar wardrobes and the occasional matching sunglasses. what began with conversations with solely lyla, even after work hours, ended with miguel joining in with the occasional wry joke every now and then. that slowly began to grow more into full fleged conversations with the three of you, and you and miguel had created a bond that seemed to be just about unbreakable.

he isn't big on romance, he likes to think, because he doesn't have the time for it. sometimes miguel says the words "the fate of the multiverse" and you and peter b. look at each other and snort a little, but sometimes you see the the corner of his lips twitch.

the first time miguel o'hara does anything remotely romantic is in battle, when some random universe's doc ock decides that you'd be the perfect victim. you weren't awake for most of it, but lyla tells you that miguel had practically dropped everything to save you, refusing to acknowledge the possibility that you wouldn't make it. he had stayed at the hospital every night to look after you, and every day grew into a week into two weeks before you were discharged, and during that time, both of you talked like there was no tomorrow.

when miguel actually realizes that he's in love and he's not having some sort of allergic reaction, he kind of sneaks in a small, quick question, even leaning against the wall to sound extra casual to lyla, "hey uh what's that new album taylor swift released" and lyla drops everything because . why is this man even asking this question . but it doesn't take long for her to connect the dots, and realizes that he wants to know more about your interests and what you like. lyla tells you, obviously, and fortunately, things progress from there.

once you two are actually together, miguel treasures lazy saturday mornings and cozy friday evenings. he even loves the "i'm so exhausted i might die" monday mornings on his way to the spider society, because he's with you. if you struggle with anxiety, while he might not know the best thing to do at first, he'll talk you through it every step of the way. but he won't ever pity you or see you as something broken, he sees you as someone who's deserving of respect, and most importantly, love.

oh man this guy starts keeping an extra hair tie on his wrist for you, or he literally keeps make up wipes in his storage cabinet (he asked peter b advice on what he keeps on hand for his wife 😭<33), and he definitely thinks it's awesome that you're studying six languages, and he'll also definitely ask you about it !! also he loves holding you while sleeping beacuse if a man is touch starved it's him

RANDOMIZED TROPE:

" SHARING A BED "

-> within two weeks of dating, miguel o'hara has realized a lot of things, mainly being that you thrive on physical touch-- something he's tried his best to shake himself away from. but as he watches you, arms opened wide for an embrace laying on a hospital bed after a particulary taxing day fighting doc ock, his heart stutters. slowly, hesitantly, he takes your hand, lying down beside you. he immediately warms up to your embrace, letting your head fall to his chest. lyla takes photos<33

a/n: thank you so so much for the request!! i am so so sorry that this took so long!!! if i missed anything please let me know >:D!<3 i hope you're doing alright + things are going okay for you!! remember to hydrate and eat well, take care!!!

[eddo-tensei]

More thoughts on Derision (Spoilers, obviously)

I think it's amusing that the default counter-argument to anyone who criticizes this episode boils down to "Well, you're just a Chloe Stan!" Which is something I had to deal with myself recently. Apparently, you can only hate this episode if you're a Chloe apologist. First off, hi, I'm Eddo. I wrote a fanfic where Chloe literally gets thrown into the dirt and suffer an allergic reaction to cacti, both times being her own fault. I feel like my Chloe Stan license should be revoked after that.

Anyways, I'm not surprised with the direction they went with Chloe in Derision. It's been stated since around Season 4 that Chloe was on a "Damnation Arc", so they've been doing everything they can to make her worse and worse. So, I'm not surprised or even angry that they continued this here. I'm annoyed, but not angry. What I AM angry about would be the other characters who got mangled in this shitshow.

Writers? Could you please stop having Chat threaten people with Cataclysm after he's shown regret doing it to people by accident TWICE?! This has happened three times now, counting what happened with Scarabella. Yes, I know he did this before with Darker Owl, but that just makes it worse because that happened right AFTER he regretted doing this to Monarch. You know, the guy who's been tormenting and attacking everyone for over a year? I guess to Chat, Damocles and Kim deserve it more for ripping away a fantasy and pulling a shitty prank respectively.

I know I complained about this a lot already, but this needs to be stressed upon. If we're going to take Cataclysm seriously, especially with what later episodes showed us, maybe DON'T have your hero threaten people with it for relatively petty reasons? "BUT IT'S FOR TRUE LOVE!!!1!!" Yeah, no. When he tried to do it on Darker Owl, Ladybug told him to cut that crap. It then happened again with Dark Humor with Ladybug telling him not to do it. It doesn't matter if it's for "true love." Both times he did this so far, Ladybug made it clear that this was a bad idea. So, maybe you guys should stop trying to encourage it. I refuse to believe that Chat believes that Monarch is more deserving to live after everything that he did than Kim after what he did. Speaking of Kim...

My friendly neighborhood dumb jock, why would the writers do this to you? When we only had the leaks to go by, I actually tried to scour for any interactions Kim had with Marinette and I can confirm that with the revelations we got in Derision, they REALLY don't make sense. Yes, Kim was a bit of a douche in the first season. Origins had him push Ivan around to the point of being the trigger for the Akuma. But he wasn't THIS much of a douchenozzle. Moreover, I have a hard time believing Marinette would be as friendly as she is with Kim throughout the series given what he did to her as revealed in this episode. Also, I know this is going to sound offensive, but...Kim was Marinette's first crush? Really? That's what you're going with? I'm not trying to insult Kim, but there was NOTHING that hinted to this. I can't help but think this was the thought process of the writers when they brought this up:

"So, we need to have Chloe do something to Marinette that would explain why Marinette struggles to be with Adrien. It has to be something big and traumatic. More importantly, it has to involve Marinette actually having a past crush that Chloe ruined and it has to be a character we're familiar with, so we can't make up an OC for it. We can't use Nino because he had a crush on her and it wouldn't make sense for her to reciprocate. We can't use Nathaniel because his crush went almost completely unnoticed by Marinette and he's also gay now. We can't use Ivan because he likes Mylene and we can't complicate that. We can't use Max because most people think he's ace and subverting that would piss a ton of people off. Oh, and we can't have it be any of the girls either because our show would get cancelled if Marinette isn't straight. So, let's just make it this guy."

"This. Fucking. Guy."

I'm having a hard time thinking of any other reason. I know some people theorized in the past that Kim and Marinette might've had a thing, but I don't think they held any water. Even now, however, I really don't think people should be happy it was canonized in this way.

I always held the belief that Chloe was responsible for Marinette's behavior, but my idea of it was that Chloe had been bullying Marinette for a long time and those years of sustained bullying took its toll on the poor baker girl that made it difficult for her to not only open her heart to people she loves, but have difficulties making friends in general until Alya came along. Yeah, Chloe doesn't look good in this case either, but it would've been more reasonable and would probably resonate with a lot more people who probably had to deal with bullies messing with them for a long time because these effects usually aren't instant. They get built on for a long time and it can really mess up their perception on things.

I think a good story would've been Marinette having to heal from that sustained trauma and while it is difficult since nobody can just quickly heal from trauma, it'd be a good journey for Marinette to be able to open up again with Alya and Adrien being just the first two pieces Marinette needs for her recovery.

But now, instead of all that, it turns out Chloe just pulled a prank that just unleashed a cavalcade of trauma on Marinette all at once that is hyper-specific to how she handles her crush that Adrien and ONLY Adrien can heal. All the while, it turns out that the prank was actually pulled by a guy who I really thought was just kinda fun and cool, but now I can't talk about him in the same way again because he's been thrown under the bus for the sake of this nonsense plot that's difficult not to call a full-on retcon. Do you know what I can call a retcon, though? Or rather who?

I am sorry to all of the people who are probably stanning Socqueline right now, but I CAN'T vibe with her. I'm not saying you're not allowed to like her either, because that would be dumb, but I DON'T like how she was presented in Derision. First off, to get this out of the way, we're no strangers to characters being introduced out of nowhere. Felix and Zoe are both characters that come to mind. The thing is you can at least explain their respective absences easily. Felix had likely been distant from Adrien for a long time with him only coming in out of obligation with Amelie. Zoe is actually even more easy to explain given that she was shoved into a boarding school by Audrey and wouldn't really be able to connect with any of the characters until she was forced to transfer. Socqueline, however, does not have that luxury and cannot be easily explained away not only with how we found her, but for the fact that there was NO hint to her existing until Season 5 and that is inexcusable given how much importance this character now has. To put it in perspective, this is how we are introduced to Socqueline in Jubilation:

Marinette: That fake Ladybug from this morning, I think it was Socqueline, a school friend from last year. Knowing her, I’m sure she means well. But I have to convince her to stop putting herself in danger like that.

That's it. She just calls her a school friend. Yes, it's clear that she's at least important enough for Marinette to remember her name, she was just called a school friend. At the very least, she did have an interesting story with her trying to be Ladybug in order to help people. Of course, she had to be talked out of it because it's causing issues with the real Ladybug, but it's a decent story and Socqueline had only made a few appearances here and there.

And then Derision.

Yes, Socqueline referred to Chloe as "that monster", so it's clear that they planned her to have something against Chloe since her first appearance. However, Derision showed us that Socqueline wasn't just a school friend. She was Marinette's closest confidant in the school years prior to the start of the series. She actively protects Marinette from bullies, particularly Chloe, and was clearly a huge inspiration for her until Chloe got her suspended from school.

First off, in case I haven't made it clear, we haven't seen Socqueline AT ALL until Season 5. Not even a hint to her existence. So given how significant she was made out to be in Derision, WHY HASN'T SHE MADE ANY APPEARANCES IN THE SERIES BEFOREHAND?! She doesn't even have the excuse of being outside of Paris like Felix and Zoe do because she's STILL there and in an arts and crafts store no less, which probably would've been a great place for Marinette to hang out in with her friends if the writers thought this through. But they didn't and Socqueline's debut comes off as severely jarring because we have this character who was really important to Marinette's life just not show up until she started cosplaying as Ladybug.

Secondly, it muddles Marinette's own backstory as well as severely hampering the significance of Alya. Now instead of being alone with nobody to help her against Chloe, which makes her friendship with Alya all the more stronger, Marinette just had this super cool friend who was always there for her until mean ol' Chloe got her kicked out of school. Doesn't that sound like something you'd see in a fanfic, specifically one that's salting Alya given how Socqueline was depicted as Marinette's BFF?

Thirdly, if Chloe was able to get Socqueline suspended so easily, then why hadn't she been able to do that with the other students? Yeah, she got close with Alya, but that didn't stick. If Chloe really had the ability to just make students disappear even if it happened once, she would NOT hesitate to try and do this again with any other student who slighted her, ESPECIALLY Marinette. But she doesn't. Once her attempt on Alya failed, she didn't try again. Hell, LILA had more attempts to get Marinette kicked out of school than Chloe did and actually got closer to doing it than Chloe would ever get, which is weird since she doesn't have the title of "Mayor's Daughter" to throw around like Chloe would. This just feels like something done to explain away why Socqueline didn't show up in the series which doesn't work because she's STILL IN PARIS and I'm pretty sure Marinette would be more than happy to meet with Socqueline given how close they were, but that never happened.

Fourthly, I'm guessing nobody felt like pointing it out because it felt too obvious, but doesn't Socqueline just come off as the writer's answer to Bridgette? You know, the older Marinette based on the anime PV that some fan writers implement into their own stories? Yeah, she's not one-to-one similar to Marinette like Bridgette is, but it definitely feels like another instance of the writers pulling stuff out of fanon just to put a canon spin on it. And like all the other instances, it's a bad spin.

Lastly, this whole incident with the prank and Socqueline's suspension took place a few months before Origins. Not even a year at the earliest. It was specifically stated that Socqueline was suspended three weeks before the end of the school year. Given how close that time gap, the way everyone behaves in Origins makes almost no sense. Marinette would be a lot more horrified of Chloe if Derision was anything to go by and Chloe would be more willing to try and cast Alya out so Marinette doesn't have any allies given that Derision showed Chloe REALLY wanting to make sure nobody helps Marinette. The only point I could even give any leeway to is Kim and even then, again, he's not that much of a douche in Origins as he was in Derision. So, really, it all just comes off as a blatant retcon specifically to try and explain the new direction the writers are taking with certain characters. And do you want to know the dumbest thing? Apparently, Socqueline was such an inspiration to Marinette that the latter changed her hair to be more like Socqueline's.

No, seriously. That's also how they explain why Marinette has different hairstyles. I know Expository Hairstyle Changes are a thing in fiction, but this is just awkward as hell given how traumatic and melodramatic the whole thing is. You don't need to say that Marinette's hairstyle came from someone who she considered a hero because nothing about Marinette indicated that her hairstyle is important. This isn't like Josuke changing his hairstyle to be based on the man who saved him as a child. It's a purely cosmetic change that's suddenly given a shit-ton of significance because now it's connected to this horribly traumatic incident. In fact, you know what this reminds me of?

Actually, the whole segment where this Linkara clip came from seems to sum up a lot of things wrong with Derision. It's not just bad because it makes some characters look bad or introduces stuff out of nowhere. It's bad because now everything in the flashback is now part of all of the characters! Every prior episode will now have to be viewed with a lens tinted by the events of this episode. Now nobody can discuss Kim without people salting on him for the prank, now nobody can talk about how important Alya's friendship with Marinette because of Socqueline's sudden boost in significance (In fact, it's very likely that Alya salters will try to use Socqueline as a replacement friend), and now nobody can speculate the intrigue of Marinette's past because EVERYTHING about her behavior is linked to this specific incident and nothing else. That's what pisses me off about this episode. That's why I share that Double D meme so frequently. I could care less about how much of a monster Chloe was depicted to be in this episode, but I am going to complain when other characters are butchered in the process. I will complain about one thing concerning her, though.

Isn't it amazing that you can tell the writers are trying DESPERATELY to squish any and all positive interpretations of Chloe, even trying to downplay parental neglect because "this character also didn't have a mom and they didn't turn out this way" even though Mylene's and Chloe's situations are still VASTLY different? You can make the argument that Audrey's absence doesn't excuse Chloe's actions. In fact, I don't think it really does either, but saying that there's only one valid response to an absent parent is EXTREMELY insensitive to people who might be going through similar situations.

Oh, and to cap this all off? This is the favorite episode of one of the main writers. Said writer possibly being considered to be the new director for Season 6 of Miraculous and onwards. I'm not gonna name which one for obvious reasons, but it's been confirmed.

I feel like this is a good indication that you need to hop off this series.

[takecareluv]

NO NO OKAY imagine being sent to the er (nothing crazy js like a little health scare) and vinnies holding ur hand thru it all and comforting you while you’re laying there as they do tests and shit :’) hurt/comfort has quickly become my new fav trope and it’s js eeeek idk there’s something ab it that makes my heart go BFKWBFKWNDKWNDJENS🏃‍♀️🏃‍♀️

a.n. i feel you omg, there’s something about someone taking care of you and being worried about you when your sick/hurt that’s just: 🥺🥺💕 i’m soft. u know? i do wanna say i know nothing about allergic reactions, how to use epipens or any of the procedures that medics/doctors do for it so i apologize if anything i described was inaccurate. i kind of just went off my basic knowledge so there’s most likely something wrong. but i hope you enjoy this !!! i love ur request ideas my darling <3

the sesame scare  || vinnie hacker x reader

you were currently in the hype house kitchen, messing around with everyone while vinnie streamed in your bedroom upstairs.

thomas had another one of his weird snacks that he was forcing everyone to try for his youtube channel.

you laughed at everyone's disgusted reaction until the camera was finally pointed in your direction, everyone waiting for you to try the foreign candy. you struggled to come up with an excuse on the spot, "oh um, i'm good. i'm not really hungry."

"c'mon y/n/n, just a little bite. we all did it." mia reasoned in attempt to persuade you.

"fine," you groaned. "but if i throw up i am never forgiving you guys," you joked, everyone in the house knew how much of a fear you had of throwing up.

"you'll be okay, i promise." thomas hummed, handing you the bite sized candy.

you shoved it in your mouth, wanting to get it over with as soon as possible so you can go back up to your bedroom and cuddle with hera.

the snack tasted absolutely horrid, but that was the least of your worries at the moment. you were more concerned with the feeling of your throat closing up and chest tightening.

you brought you hand up to your neck as you choked, gasping for air. everyone around you was laughing because they thought you were just exaggerating your reaction to the nasty taste for the video.

you tried to tell them you weren't okay, but the words wouldn't come out. you couldn't breathe, let alone talk.

all that you could get out was a raspy "help" before falling to the ground.

"oh my god, is she okay? what happened?" mia gasped, running to your side.

thomas was just as worried, throwing his camera onto the table, he kneeled down next to you, checking that you were still in fact breathing. "i don't know, but go get vinnie. now!" he shouted.

you could hear all the commotion around you, but felt too weak to move or say anything. you wanted to so badly to tell them you needed your epipen and everything would be alright, but all that was coming out were small wheezes in place of words. 

how could you be so stupid? you always liked to forget the fact that you had a food allergy, and now look at you. you felt so bad knowing how much you were probably worrying everyone, especially vinnie. he was always so protective over you, making sure to check over menus before he made reservations to be sure you could eat at the place. he always did so much to make sure you were okay and safe. now he leaves you alone for ten minutes, and you can't even take care of yourself? you were so mad at yourself. 

you heard the heavy stomps of someone running down the stairs and into the kitchen, who you assumed to be vinnie. “what did you guys do?!” you could tell he was fuming. “baby, are you okay? can you hear me?” he asked, panicking. 

he could feel your pulse so he still knew you were alive and breathing, which made him feel the slightest bit better. you tried to reach out to squeeze his hand so he knew you were still conscious, but he stood up before you could. “what happened? what were you guys doing when she passed out?”

“well, I was having everyone try this gross candy for my channel and she took a bite and then this happened.” thomas explained, still confused on what was going on. 

“fuck. lemme see it,” he snatched the candy wrapper from thomas’s hand, reading over the ingredient list. “there’s sesame in this, dumbass. she’s allergic. call 911.” vinnie didn’t give anyone time to respond before he was sprinting out of the kitchen and up to your room to grab your epipen. 

he ran back down the stairs just as fast, and was back at your side in no time. “okay baby, you're okay. you’re gonna be okay. this might hurt a little bit.” he pressed the tip against your thigh, trying his hardest not to shake as he injected the needle and held it in place. 

vinnie heard sirens closely approaching and immediately told mia to open the gate for them. his heart was beating so fast, he was so worried.

he swiftly brought you into his arms, picking you up bridal style, and carrying you outside to where the paramedics had just pulled up. 

he carefully laid you onto the stretcher they already had out for you, watching as the medics rushed to wheel you over to the back of the ambulance, guiding you into it. vinnie hopped in the back after one of the women gave him the okay to do so, and they were on their way to the hospital. 

vinnie held your hand the entire ride as the paramedics did their job and didn’t let go until the doctors were wheeling you into a room he apparently was prohibited from. he decided against fighting them on it, knowing it wouldn’t do any good and just delay you getting the help you desperately needed. 

instead, he plopped himself onto an uncomfortable chair closest to the door you just went through. his mind was running rampant. were you going to be okay? god, what if you weren’t, he couldn't lose you. he couldn’t help but blame himself. if only he was there, maybe he could've stopped you from eating it. or done something sooner. but no one could have known, i mean how many candy have sesame in them? maybe a lot and he was just stupid, god how could he be so stupid. he was streaming like an idiot while you were passed out. 

“vincent hacker.” he quickly stood up at the sound of his name, racing over to the nurse who called him. “y/n is up and okay. we still have to run some tests that might take overnight but then she’ll be good to go. you can come back and sit with her, if you’d like?” 

“yes, please. thank you.” he replied kindly, feeling a sense of relief wash over him from hearing that you would be okay. 

the nurse prompted him to walk down the hall and to the last door on the right, room 222. he smiled at that, knowing you would explain to him that it was a sign your guardian angel was watching over you in there, making sure you were okay. 

he proceeded down the end of the hall and into your room to see you laid out on the hospital bed, still looking a little out of it. he admired you from the doorway for a moment, how could someone still look so beautiful in a hospital gown after just having a serious medical emergency? he swore you were an angel. 

you finally noticed him lurking and waved him into the room, “hey, bub. how you doing?” you quietly rasped out.

“i think i should be the one asking you that. how are you feeling, baby? you okay? god, you scared me half to death.” he rambled. 

“calm down, vin. i’m okay, i promise. i'm sorry for scaring you, i should’ve been smarter and checked the ingredients since i didn’t know what i was eating. i just forget sometimes.”

“you have nothing to be sorry for, baby. you’re okay now and that’s all that matters. i just wish i would’ve been there with you, and then maybe it wouldn't have happened. i promise i’ll be there to protect you next time.” 

you didn’t feel like talking anymore, you still were running low on energy. all you wanted was to cuddle with your favorite boy. you always felt nothing bad could happen when you were in his arms, you felt safe with him. “lay with me, please.” you begged. 

“of course, baby. you let me know if I'm hurting you though or if you want me to move.” he slowly joined you on the bed that was a little two small for two people, but you made it work. anything to feel him again. 

you soon fell asleep comfortably wrapped up in vinnie’s arms, and stayed like that for the remainder of the evening and into the following morning until all of the tests were complete. 

vinnie was right by your side each time the nurses came in to check on you and run tests. he held your hand every time they had to draw blood, knowing how anxious you got from it. he kept reassuring you everything would be okay, and praised you for how well you were doing. “there you go, baby, good job. you did so good. only one more and we get to go home, mkay?”

once the last test was finished and the results came back perfect, the doctor cleared you. 

vinnie helped you up and out the bed, handing you a big t-shirt of his to change into, along with a pair of shorts. he aided you in untying your gown and throwing on the shirt overtop, and even bent down to help put your shoes on and tie the laces. 

your heart melted at how sweet he was with you. “thank you for taking such good care of me, bub. i truly don’t deserve you.”

“are you kidding? it’s me who doesn’t deserve you. i love you so much, baby girl. you know i'll do anything for you. you deserve the world and more.”

you leaned further into his side, pressing a kiss to his cheek, unable to find the words to express your thanks. 

“are you hungry? we can go get you something to eat before we head home. just nothing we sesame, alright?”

[readingreylo]

Grab the tissues....

Who's ready for some Angsty fics?

But don't worry, I'm a big baby so all these have HEAs.

There's just something about the extreme lows that make the happy endings so much more sweeter.

I didn't add my 2 cents to each of these recs because I am pretty sure every comment would be "It hurts so good 😭😘👌"

Oh and whoops these are all AUs ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

We will start things off with the fic that inspired this entire list...

You Can Have Manhattan by reylo_addict | @thereyloaddict | Explicit | 41k | Complete | Modern AU | Manhattan | Established Reylo | Break ups | Flashbacks | Falling in love | Devoted Reylo | Angst | Break up sex | HEA | Rey POV | In the past: Rey falls in love with New York at the same time she falls in love with Ben Solo. In the present: Rey is angrily (and drunkenly) phoning her Ex from the otherside of the country.

(The rest are organized shortest to longest)

Porch Swing by Celia_and | @whatceliawrites | Explicit | 2k | Oneshot | Modern AU | Witness Protection | Mafia | Angst | HEA | Rey POV | "When Ben’s past catches up with them and they’re separated, it would be easy for Rey to give up. Except that he promised her a pink house. And a porch, with a swing."

tomorrow by diesirate | @diesirate | Explict | 7k | Complete | Modern AU | Established Reylo | Rey needs a hug | Body Dysmorphic Disorder | Self esteem issues | Angst | Past Bullying | Devoted!Ben Solo | Hopeful ending | Rey POV | Rey can only orgasm when she pretends to be someone else. One night her husband finds out.

earthbound by trailingviolets | Explicit | 7k | Oneshot | Modern AU | Parrot!Kylo | Human!Rey | Angst | Trauma healing | Past abuse | Past assault | Therapy | Anxiety | Time gap | Human!Ben | HEA | Rey POV | Multi POV | Struggling with her own demons, Rey buys an abused Bird. Once they both have healed she sets him free -- only for him to return to her years later as a man.

For Now by Celia_and | @whatceliawrites | Explicit | 8k | Complete | Modern AU | Soulmates | Co-workers | Angst | HEA | Ben POV | Ben realizes that he and Rey are soulmates, but doesn't tell her because they both hate the whole concept. Instead they start a no-strings-attached thing.

Into your heart (I’ll beat again) by ElixirBB | @elixirbb | Mature | 9k | Complete | Modern AU | Non-linear storytelling | Lawyers | Car Accident | Attempted Murder | Angst | Bendemption | Rey had abandonment issues | HEA | Rey POV | "Rey doesn’t love Ben Solo. She doesn’t. Obviously, this doesn’t explain why she jumps in front of a car for him."

Rupture by Celia_and | @whatceliawrites | Explicit | 9k | Complete | Modern AU | Heartbreak | Break ups | Angst | Texting | Big-shot-lawyer!Ben Solo | Villainous!Snoke | Reconcilliation | HEA | Ben POV | It’s been a year since Ben broke up with Rey. It never gets easier.

all things bright and beautiful by freewalrus | @sandhateclub | Teen | 9k | Oneshot | Modern AU | A/B/O | Alpha x Omega | Established Relationship | Unplanned pregnancy | Misunderstandings | Angst | HEA | Rey POV | An unplanned pregnancy throws Rey's relationship into chaos.

The Rogue and the Pearl by Celia_and | @whatceliawrites | Explicit | 10k | Complete | Modern AU | Actors | One night stand | Missed connection | Angst | Rey POV | Two years after an unforgettable one-night-stand, Rey is cast in her breakout role. Alongside Kylo Ren, the one that got away. Tensions are high as they both dance around their past while trying to bring their characters to life.

One Last Thing by Celia_and | @whatceliawrites | Explicit | 12k | Complete | Modern AU | Near-death-experience | Allergic reaction | Hospitals | Angst | Co-workers | Pining | HEA | Ben POV | Multi POV | "What if, in the seconds before you die, you were allowed to know everyone who was secretly in love with you?" Ben's quick thinking saves his coworker Rey's life. Rey, in a coma, has an interesting near death revelation.

Breath of Ashes by Denzer | @denzerwriter | Explicit | 15k | Complete | Modern AU? | Dystopia with Magic Powers | Dragons | Devoted Reylo | Charcter death | Pysch! | Mourning | Angst | Were!Dragons | Monsterfucking (kinda) | Size Kink | HEA | Rey POV | In a world burnt by dragons, survivors Ben and Rey face unimaginable challenges.

What You Deserve by Celia_and | @whatceliawrites | Explicit | 18k | Complete | Modern AU | Strangers to lovers | Angst | Emotional Baggage | HEA | Rey POV | Rey has never had an orgasm before. Het Tinder date is determined to change that.

honey sweet (lips zipped) by lachesisgrimm | @lachesisgrimm | Explicit | 20k | Complete | Modern AU | Fake Marriage | Marriage of convenience | Secret relationship | Texting | Pining | Misunderstandings | Wedding | HEA | Rey POV | Friends Rey and Ben secretly marry so Rey can utilize his insurance. It's all smooth sailing until Ben's mother finds out. Now Rey is on a collision course with her deeply-buried feelings for Ben.

Almost is a six letter word by ElixirBB | @elixirbb | Mature | 21k | Complete | Modern AU | Break ups | Flashbacks | Falling in love | Angst | HEA | "Rey meets Kylo Ren before she meets Ben Solo. They’re the same man and she loves and hates both versions of him. Until she doesn’t. (Throughout the years, they almost had it all.)"

a mind of winter by myownlittleinfinity | @myownl1ttle | Explicit | 20k | Complete | Modern AU | Strangers to lovers | Falling in love | Friend group dynamic | Top!Rey, Bottom!Ben | Break ups | Angst | Reconciliation | Rey POV | "The winter that Ben and Rey meet, they fall in love."

Those We Love by Everren | Explicit | 21k | Complete | Modern AU | Charcter death (Han Solo) | Funeral | Mourning | Angst | Friends to lovers | Flashbacks | Pregnancy | Misunderstandings | HEA | Ben POV | Ben and Rey reunite at his Father's funeral. It's been months since they've seen each other - Rey moving to the city, Ben dealing with his father's palitive care - and to top the day off - Rey is pregnant.

Primae Noctis by pontmercy44 | Explicit | 21k | Complete | Medieval AU | Bodice Ripper | Class Differences | Forced marriage | Underage | Primae Noctis | Loss of virginity | Childhood friends | Serf!Rey | Baron!Ben | Mistress | Pregnancy | Angst | HEA | Rey POV | "After invoking Primae Noctis, the baron takes a young bride as his Mistress"

follow in your form by violethoure666 | Explicit | 23k | Complete | Modern AU | Nurse/patient dynamic | Serious injury | Injury recovery | Quadriplegic!Ben Solo | Nurse!Rey | ANGST | Domestic | Ben POV | "Ben Solo wakes up paralyzed and angry about it. A story about dealing with change, holding onto hope, and finding love."

It's been a while since I dreamed this by CoinToYourWitcher | @coin2urwitcher | Explicit | 24k | Complete | Modern AU | College/University | Song Fic | Scotland | Roommates | Drama | Angst | Poverty | Loss of Virginity | Mention of Suicide | HEA | Rey POV | "Rey walks into her dorm room for the first time to see her new roommate making out with some guy. The girl leaves—because it’s not her room—and come to find out Rey was put on the guy’s floor by accident because of her god damn boy’s name. The RAs promise that someone will drop out within a month and that she can simply wait for a spot to appear in one of the girl’s rooms. But in the meantime, her new roommate, Ben, has nightmares and she has to keep waking him up."

Could We by kalx58 | Explicit | 26k | Complete | Modern AU | Rivals to lovers | Dating | Falling in love | Cycling | Cycling culture | San Francisco | Bike messenger!Rey | Programmer!Ben Solo | Recreational drug use | Break-ups | Angst | Reconciliation | HEA | Rey POV | Rey can't stand the douchebag on her morning commute. But soon annoyance turns to attraction and Ben and Rey embark on a relationship that will change both their lives. It's a shame that all good things must come to an end.

Killing Me Softly by AlbaStarGazer | Mature | 32k | Complete | Modern AU | Amnesia | Angst | Marriage | Car accident | Trauma | HEA | Rey POV | Multi POV | "Rey clings to the hope that her husband will regain his memories after he survived a car crash that left him with amnesia. During her monthly visits at a medical facility with Ben, who now calls himself Kylo, she struggles to cope as he tries to make her let go of the past, and in turn, him with it."

The lamb's thirst by animal | @ao3animal | Explicit | 36k | Complete | Futuristic/Dystopian/Vauge setting | Angst | Mention of suicide | Rey needs a hug | Intimacy/trust issues | Strangers to Lovers | HEA | Rey POV | Multi POV | "Rey thought she felt lonely in the presence of her two colleagues, but now that she's actually alone, now that she's the only Guard in charge of the station, in the middle of nowhere, she's starting to have a better grasp of the concept of loneliness. When she sees a silhouette walking far, far ahead on the side of the road one day, she first thinks she's hallucinating."

Knight in Sooty Armor by Graendoll | Explicit | 45k | Complete | Modern AU | Firefighter!Ben | Alcoholic!Ben | ANGST | Ben Solo is a disaster | Past sexual abuse | HEA | Multi POV | "Ben rescues twelve year old Rey from a fire. When she returns at sixteen they form an unlikely friendship."

full fathom five (little lies) by lachesisgrimm | @lachesisgrimm | Mature | 45k | Complete | Modern AU | ANGST | Unplanned Pregnancy | Hurt/comfort | injury!recovery | Broken friend group dynamic | Villian!Luke | Rey needs a hug | Devoted Reylo | HEA | Rey POV | Ben ghosts Rey. He wont even answer her texts when she tells him she's pregnant. Then one day a phone call revealing that Ben has been in a coma for 5 months and he wants to see Rey. Slowly the truth comes out that a master manipulator has been pulling strings behind the shadows.

what if the storm ends by SecretReyloTrash | @lyresandlasers | Explicit | 61k | Complete | Historic AU | 1950's | WW2 flashbacks | England/Yorkshire | Growing up together | Estrangement | ANGST. SO MUCH BLOODY ANGST | Author!Rey | Widower!Ben | Ben was happily married to another | Farmer!Ben | Rey has PTSD | HEA | Rey POV | "As a child, Rey is evacuated from London to the Yorkshire Dales during the Blitz. She spends the war in the care of the Solos on their farm, wandering the moors with their son looking for a legendary family artifact long lost. When the war is over, she returns to a city she no longer recognizes, and she writes a popular series of children's fantasy books based on her childhood in the Dales. After amassing fame and fortune with her stories, tragedy brings her back to the farm to see Ben Solo, once her greatest inspiration and now a widower."

i could have been wild and i could have been free (but nature played this trick on me) by reylo_garbagecan | Mature | 61k | Complete | Historical AU | Regency AU | Arranged Marriage | mildly dubious consent | Pregnancy | PTSD | Illness | Character Death | ANGST | Injury recovery | HEA | Rey POV | Ben Solo arranges a union with the sharp tongued orphan. Enough of love follows.

A Few Small Repairs by TourmalineGreen (need ao3 account to read) | Explicit | 70k | Complete | Modern AU | Neighbors | Enemies to lovers | Evil Property Devlopers | Coroprate espionage | Alcoholism | Angst | Poverty | HEA | Rey POV | Multi POV | Rey is the last hold out on the block-- preventing First Order Industries from starting their next gentrification project of her beloved neighborhood. Rey expects their offers, their underhanded ways, their pompous suits ad briefcases looking down at her little antique shop -- what she wasn't expecting was for one of the assholes moving in next door to her. And Ben Solo is nothing like what she expects.

A Cailín Came to Town by mzladybird | @mzladybird | Explicit | 74k | Complete | 1920's London AU | Peaky Blinders AU | A/B/O | Alpha x Omega | Organized Crime | Graphic depiction Violence | Irish!Rey | Mob Boss!Ben Solo | Boss/Employee dynamic | Mysticalism | ACTION | DRAMA | ANGST | Period typical prejudices | Slow(ish) Burn | Mention of abortion | HEA | Rey POV | Rey calls in a favour to find protection and work with the Black Knights of Birmingham. Her past is catching up with her as Ben Solo must deal with his burgeoning attraction to the cailín, and a turf war of unknown origins.

Hanging On A Star by Yours_Truly_Commander_Shepard | Explicit | 81k | complete | Modern AU | Musicians | Music Industry | Eniemes to lovers | Non-linear storytelling | Angst | Falling in love | Break-ups | Mechanic!Rey | Viral YouTube sensation Rey | Musician!Ben Solo | Minor drug/alchohol use | Road trip | Minor finn/Rose | HEA | Rey POV | "Today, Rey Johnson is a breakout star with a rising single, a major label contract, and a five-year-old photograph of her kissing the lead singer of the Knights of Ren that she just can't shake. Five years ago, Ben Solo was a lonely American musician on extended holiday in the West Midlands without a working car, new material, or a friend in the world."

Mitan, Midi by animal | @ao3animal | Explicit | 83k | Complete | Modern AU | French Countryside | Strangers to lovers | Language barrier | Depression | Angst | Rey needs a hug | British!Rey | French!Ben Solo | Rey POV | "After a French notary contacts Rey to inform her she's inherited a house in the Drôme (France), she decides from one day to the next to quit her job and move there. The house is pretty secluded, there's no service, no internet, no way to reach other people aside from the landline in the living-room. Ideal conditions, by her standards, as those theoretically should allow her to be perfectly alone. Theoretically."

I Was Lost (For You To Find) by LadyReylo | Explicit | 90k | Complete | Modern AU | Adoption | Single Parent!Rey | Strangers to friends to lovers | Co-parenting | Angst | Class difference | HEA | Rey POV | After unfathomable circumstances bring Ex-marine Ben into Single Mom Rey and her son Rian's lives, Ben and Rey must figure out how to co-parent while dancing around their attraction to each other.

Children and Other Wild Animals by Virginia_Tradescant | @silmarilliant | Explicit | 90k | Complete | Modern AU | Multi POV | FBI | Witness Protection | Bodyguard | Organized Crime | Undercover agen!Ben Solo | Hitman!Kylo Ren | Teacher!Rey | Schools/Children | Forbidden relationship | Pining | Drama | Action/violence | Angst | All-aboard-the-pain-train | HEA | Multi POV | Ben Solo's return to field work should be easy, but a sting operation to draw out a mole within the FBI, disguised as Witness Protection will test his every resolve and push him to his limits. Caught in the crossfire is Rey Niima, a early childhood educator who is just trying to teach children and not fall in love with her very own special agent.

Comfort Zones by Emmyjean | @emmyjeanb | Explicit | 101k | Complete | Modern AU | Strangers to friends to lovers | Porn star!Kylo Ren | Awkward!Ben Solo | Anxiety/depression | Dating | The Friend Zone | Drama | Past substance abuse | Angst | Multi POV | Rey finds herself working behind the scenes of a porno - and just her luck to run into one of the main stars at her other job as a bartender. Drawn together over their shared love of literature Ben and Rey embark on a rocky road to happiness.

hereafter by voicedimplosives | @voicedimplosives | Explicit | 104k | Complete | Post-apocalyptic AU | Alternate 1920s | A/B/O | Alpha x Omega | Pandemic | War | Wilderness Survival | Road Trip | Gender/designation roles | Enemies to lovers | Slow Burn | Angst | Despair | Drama | Action/Violence | Falling-in-love/Realization of feelings | Flashbacks | Homesteading | Hopeful ending | Rey POV | Ben POV | One of a few survivors after a pandemic (and pointless war) that decimated the population, Rey is trekking across north america to find her lost family. She crosses Kylo Ren and it dramatically changes his life, while Rey must complete her journey and face her destiny and herself.

we could plant a house, we could build a tree by Like_A_Dove | @likeadove | Explcit | 124k | Complete | Modern AU | 1990's to 2014 | Growing up together | Artists | Slow Burn | Ode to 90s music | Drama | Angst | Bendemption | HEA | Rey POV | 7 year old Rey is an orphan taking art lessons at Luke's studio where she become friends with his moody teenage nephew. The story of their lives over the course of 20 years. Friendship, love, loss, consequences and finally redemption and forgiveness.

Friday Special Comes With Something Sweet by deathbyhumidity | Explicit | 160k | Complete | Modern AU | Small Town | Strangers to friends to lovers | Character study | Angst | Drama. So much drama. Mostly internal | Rey needs a hug | Ben needs a kick in the ass | College student!Ben | Complex family dynamics | Past bullying | Falling in love | Dating | HEA | Ben POV | "Being Chewie’s kitchen assistant at his dad’s diner wasn’t the worst thing that could have happened to Ben Solo after he went back home from university with his tail between his legs, but in typical spectacular fashion, he managed to ruin the peace with his runaway mouth just three weeks in. Really, he should have remembered there was a good reason Han kept him out back, but at least now the memory of wide, wet eyes spitting fireballs at him made sure that he won’t likely forget again anytime soon."

The Trail Bride by SecretReyloTrash | @lyresandlasers | Explict | 160k | Complete | Western AU | Oregon Trail | Strangers to lovers | Marriage of convenience | Secrets/lies | Outlaws | Angst | Action/violence/drama | Languid pace | Rey POV | Rey Niima's husband dies on the Oregon Trail. She settles on marrying the mysterious Ben Solo to continue the journey. They might have come togther by chance but their chemistry and devotion are undeniable. But of course Ben has a past - he is not a respectable banker, but the outlaw Kylo Ren and Rey has gotten caught up in one of his schemes. After seemingly freeing him from the First Order Rey must seek out her own happiness -- even if that mean leaving her husband behind.

Happy Reading!

[todderwodders]

Can I get a letter from The Urge to a member of his family?

I'm writing Letter Fic!

Veronica, You wrote to me several days ago, of which I am sure you are aware. How strange it is, that we do not live in the same house - that you are now a wife and a mother. I know I see you often, but I feel it is is not enough, especially upon the arrival of your first child. I ask that you let me visit, at least for a little while, perhaps a tenday or so, while the babe is still fresh and in need of as much care as yourself. I noticed when I came last that you struggled with your swaddling. I thought it best not to speak on this matter, as you are still new and I did not want to be as cruel as to take away your confidence in caring for Flora. But you wrote to me asking for advice, and so advice I shall give, to the best of my ability. Below are small notes of how to care for a babe best, in my experience, and as we are family I feel that these things may help, given that the child's temperament is like the same as yourself an your siblings. That is to say: beautiful, sweet, but sometimes very particular children. This I make no complaint of, as I am a very particular man, and who amongst us does not like things just so?

When bathing the girl, be sure that the water is comfortably and soothingly warm to your touch. She requires the water to be of the same temperature as an adult would, least she catch cold. Your maid, however well intentioned, has not had a babe of her own, and either does not think this important or considers her needs less keenly than you. She should not be chilled, even though it is summer. Infants have a terribly difficult time adjusting to temperature from one extreme to another, and this is something to keep in mind. Also, do not allow the use of any harsh soap, as her skin is still fragile from the womb and prone to infection, boils, and other such maladies. A smile wipe down with a clean cloth, in clean, warm water, shall do her well. (The below passage is underlined repeatedly) Second, do not feed the child honey. There is some insane trend within the Uppercity lately, wherein a Noble or Patriar feeds their child a spoonful of honey to assuage a cough or a hiccup. Do not listen to anyone but myself on this: feed her only milk until her first teething, and no honey, fish, or other such nonsense. This is far flung advice, as she is only a month old, but always order boiled and mashed veg, perhaps sprinkled with some salt, and slowly introduce other foods as she grows older. This is both to prevent accidental poisoning as well as watching for allergic reactions to otherwise innocent foodstuffs within infants, whose airways and stomachs are delicate. I will write more to you later. If you will allow it, I can attend to the girl for several days so you may rest within the night, but I will not press. I love you, Father

[hb-writes]

Five Line Friday Masterpost

MARCH 3:

❤️ Stop pretending that you care - Fifty Shades

🥃 You really tricked dad into letting you go? - Peaky Blinders

🥃 You should learn not to naively put your trust in other people without questioning their motive - Peaky Blinders

🥃 I suppose you clean up alright too - Peaky Blinders

MARCH 10:

✨I can't stand this anymore - Twilight

✨Why are you all in my bed? - Twilight

✨She's fine, she's just being dramatic - Twilight

✨You are not allowed in the kitchen - Twilight

👔 If I don’t sleep I will die—just go to bed - Suits

👔 I’m sorry I’m missing the nurse outfit - Suits

🔴 He’s fine. He’s just being dramatic - Daredevil

🔴 You don’t like hospitals, I get it, but I think we can’t wait any longer - Daredevil

☠ Come on, I’ll take a much-needed nap with you. Then we’ll both feel better - The Punisher

MARCH 17:

✨Why are you wearing my skirt? - Twilight

✨I would appreciate if you stopped poking me - Twilight

❤️ I can’t smile at you, I’m mad - Fifty Shades

❤️ Oh, look! My will to live... it's gone - Fifty Shades

🥃 Do we have a problem? - Peaky Blinders

🥃 Try that again, I dare you - Peaky Blinders

☠ It's impossible to get rid of me - The Punisher

☠ We're too young for this - The Punisher

💐 Are you awake or asleep? - Bridgerton

👔 "Harvey? I know it's 2 am but... I forgot about the science project for tomorrow... I need to make a cell...a jello mold cell." - Suits

👔 You and me - movie night - Suits

👔 You and me - movie night - Suits

🖼 What did they do now? - White Collar

🩸If I have to tell you again, I won't be this nice - True Blood

MARCH 24:

❤️ You didn't say tickling was cheating - Fifty Shades

❤️ I'm keeping you safe - Fifty Shades

☠ The wonderful world of high school drama - The Punisher

☠ Why are you all in my bed - The Punisher

☠ I lost my phone - The Punisher

☠ Is that blood? - The Punisher

🥃 I'm calling to tell you I'm in the hospital - Peaky Blinders

🥃 Did you buy me flowers? - Peaky Blinders

👔 I'm proud of you - Suits

✨Did you just fake an allergic reaction? - Twilight

✨It's impossible to get rid of me - Twilight

MARCH 31:

☠ Communicating with a sister involves a lot of inside jokes and may seem like a secret language to outsiders - The Punisher

☠ They were happy that their partner and their sibling got along so well together - but they could live without them constantly teaming up on them - The Punisher

☠ Thank you, that means a lot to me - The Punisher

☠ You can call me a mom all you want, but I will get you better soon - The Punisher

🧂 But why can't we have breakfast food for dinner? - Supernatural

💐 A hello would've been nice - Bridgerton

🔍 How does it feel knowing that you're the most annoying person on the planet? - Sherlock

❤️ I can't move because you're sitting on top of me - Fifty Shades

❤️ Give me a hug or I’ll tickle you! - Fifty Shades

🥃 Why does everything have to be a struggle with you Shelbys? - Peaky Blinders

👔 Since dad’s not here, I’m going to ground you for him - Suits

👔 How the hell are you supposed to explain this?! …Aliens? - Suits

👔 Are those my socks? - Suits

✨You can go to sleep now. I will keep watch - Twilight

✨If you call me old one more time... - Twilight

✨You're covered in blood, need to tell me something? - Twilight

✨And this is why mom loves me more - Twilight

[biblioflyer]

Picard s3e10 "The Last Generation"

I laughed, I cried, I cheered, but I'm not free of conflicts.

The artificial constraints of a 10 episode season are something I really feel acutely. So I'll start off with an acknowledgment: if OG Picard fans are furious, I get it. I don't share your anger, but I do understand it.

Spoilers ahead.

I broadly agree with the creaky older fan sentiment that in many ways Season Three is what Season One should have been. Primarily in that the absence of the rest of the main characters and centering Picard and Picard only and, to some extent, Data, was a disservice to the rest of the TNG ensemble.

A flaw that was rectified in Season Three. However, by rectifying it in Season Three and then committing to the story they were going to tell in the amount of minutes they were going to tell it in, a grim sort of triage inevitably was going to take place. The victims overwhelmingly were the characters and storylines of Seasons One and Two.

That was neither kind nor fair.

I won't pretend I didn't love this season. But I also was aware of and frustrated by what was missing because I am committed to the ideals I started this blog on: these are my self conscious reactions, reflections, and introspections rather than objective truths I live and die by and demand others validate, lest they be deemed "not real fans."

Now I myself will not be buying a ticket for the Matalas hate train. I think there was an awareness that a lot was being left on the cutting room floor to cater to fans like...well, me, and an attempt was made to offer an overture to a possible sequel series not unlike a "sorry for your loss" bouquet.

Should you view that as a fair consolation prize for only addressing Seven and Raffi's relationship with a couple of quips and an action movie one liner? Or literally forgetting Elnor?

Were I in your place, I probably wouldn't. But I sincerely hope we get that sequel show so that proper amends can be made.

Hopefully it will also include Worf so that the DS9ers can get justice for Jadzia.

Although, I am a bit pessimistic that its going to happen even with the overwhelmingly positive reception. Two overlapping ship focused shows seems unlikely unless Enterprise-G is a metaplot driven narrative show while Strange New Worlds is episodic with light sprinkles of meta. A prospect that I am kind of meh on. Season Three proves that you can do a season long narrative and it not get too bloated or convoluted and deliver a satisfying finish, but I don't know that its enough for me to trust the concept of the 10 episode version of a classic Trek two parter going forward. Five times burned, twice shy.

For those keeping score, that's seven seasons of serialized Trek with five that I think were not well executed overall, not unforgivably so, but they definitely had a clumsy adolescence as their shows matured. I liked Discovery season 4 quite a bit. I'm not on the "Discovery sucks" anti-hype train either, but I think the show has rather clearly been showing its work as it has struggled season after season to figure out its own unique identity and to balance that identity with the expectations of the broader Star Trek franchise, navigating the hellscape of the fandom and trying to figure out which parts have valid criticisms and which are misanthropes who are allergic to other people experiencing joy: and its been a messy process.

What also steals some of my euphoria from the ending of Picard is the announcement of the Section 31 movie.

I love Michelle Yeoh, I even like the character of Georgiou, but I don't trust anyone who has been involved in Trek to date, not even Ron Moore or Robert Hewitt Wolfe, to not resuscitate vile late 90s to mid-oughts nihilism and uncritical worship of "hard men making hard choices because the good are too effete and squeamish to do what must be done."

I know, I know, its negative for a Star Trek apologia blog but I hate Section 31. That's the only thing I'll ever gatekeep. Its a violent refutation of the core premises of Star Trek: that reason and decency win in the end and the endless fascination with constructing scenarios where characters have no other choice but to do near genocides, assassination, and other grimderp shenanigans really infuriates me. There are multiple franchises where I would accept that with zero qualms: Babylon 5, Star Wars, Farscape, Stargate, Battlestar Galactica*, the Expanse etc. but they don't have that same core premise that good wins because good is actually how you win.

*Although it got REAL tedious REAL quick because of how excessively Moore's Galactica leaned into this. Which is incidentally kind of why even though I admire the man, I kind of want to see him and Star Trek keep 500 feet from each other at all times. The guy is way too into torturing series leads. Save that for O'Brien, he lives on pain.

So, to recap.

Dear S1/S2 fans. I adored this ending: it was everything I love about TNG right down to Picard saving the day through warmth and decency. But I'm sorry you got screwed. This is not a zero sum game to me. I think there was a way we could have all been happy and it sucks that wasn't a priority.

[writemywaytoyourheart]

Ahh your new post about Tae and Jennie was comforting. I did have a gut reaction of sadness since he is my bias wrecker. I want to rant a little. I do think I am kinda actually in love with him. It feels weird to be attracted to someone who is taken. I know I’m getting too into the parasocial aspect, but my life would be pretty empty without it. It’s kinda embarrassing. I can’t help but compare myself to her and feeling sad too. Insecurities ugh

Sorry for taking so long to answer this, I was typing a response and needed to stop to go help someone, but I'm back now!

First of all, no matter what anyone says (including your brain), there is no reason to feel embarrassed or ashamed about feeling this way.

You will not be judged here, I can promise you that.

I really do think that people need to take a step back and realize that most every reaction is a normal reaction.

Some fans claim to be so "not toxic" that they themselves are in fact being toxic. It isn't fair to say that being sad or upset in any way is overreacting. Not being affected by the news does not equal being "normal" or "non-toxic", it just means that you don't have a reaction, that's it.

Your feelings are valid, nonnie.

Sometimes people fall for someone they've never met. Just bc others don't understand that doesn't mean it's not true.

Sometimes it's the comfort they bring, or the way that person makes them love themselves or want better for themselves, sometimes it's because that person brings the best out in them even if they never know it.

I am so sorry, love.

I am sorry that your heart is hurting right now. I wish I could give you the biggest hug in the world and bring you all the comfort you need to heal. You can hurt, it is okay to hurt. No one can tell you not to hurt.

It really does suck when these feelings are so very real and a very big part of one's life. Because when they are taken away, that heartbreak is also very much real.

People need to realize that.

Yes these fans probably KNOW that they would not have ended up with their idol, but that does not always stop those feelings from being present. People can be in love with someone and it not be that level of for example: saesang. It's not fair to lump them all together.

Some people have all of those strong feelings inside but do nothing about it, it's not right to call them delulu or whatever. That's just causing more unnecessary shame and labeling and embarrassment for something they can't help. You guys, people fall in love with completely fictional characters and it is real and if that character dies or when book ends that heartbreak is real.

Yes, we are fans. Yes, there are millions upon millions of us.

And yes, some fans are very much in love with the artist.

Why do we have to shame them for it? Take a look in the mirror, take a look on the inside and figure out why you're attacking those people. Maybe you should be grateful that you've never had to experience that.

Taehyung deserves love, he deserves to feel safe and unjudged in his relationships. He deserves to have what he wants whether it be a family or a relationship or whatever. He does not deserve to feel guilt and shame for wanting and or having that.

And you deserve to be allowed to grieve because it isn't you.

Jennie is beautiful and kind, yes. She is a lovely person. And so are a lot of people. People love famous people because they know of them. Just because you aren't on the screen in front of millions of people does not mean you are not lovable and deserving. It just means most of the world doesn't know about you, they might be in love with you if they knew you.

You are you, nonnie.

You are so special, because you are you. There is no one else in this world that is you. There will never ever ever be another you in existence.

I don't know your name or what you look like or what you hate or love or enjoy eating or are allergic to. But I know that you're another human being that is struggling with something. I know that I love you, because you are a unique person on this earth that clearly has a beautiful soul.

Anyone that is in love with Kim Taehyung but will silently grieve when they don't end up with him, is a beautiful soul to me.

Feeling insecure and inferior is a normal part of life in today's world. And it shouldn't be.

You are so beautiful. I promise you.

The only person that needs to know that is you.

You should never feel the need to change yourself for anyone. You should never feel lacking because someone you love does not love you the same in return.

It might feel right now like that pain won't stop. Or maybe it's not as painful as I'm making it seem. But it is for someone.

I'm sorry that your heart is sad and that you feel insecure, I want to erase all of that for you. But I suppose that's what will make you who you are meant to be.

Someday, there will be someone that loves you the most. That will drop anything and everything to be there for you. That will make you their first priority. That will believe in you when no one else does.

Someday that person will be you.

You will be that for you.

Until that day comes, I will be here to root for you, to cheer you on if ever you feel lacking. I might just seem like someone on the other side of a screen typing out a response and there's no face or name or whatever to me. But I can assure you that I am a real person that really does care so deeply for every single one of you. Not just because we're all fans of the same group, but because you are real human beings with real struggles and joys in life.

Please let yourself cry. I'll cry with you, okay?

Your pain is real and that pain you're feeling hurts me too. I'm already crying for you 😅, for everyone that has heartbreak right now.

I guess I just feel a lot. And that's okay too.

Let yourself cry when you're in pain. It's okay. You love someone that now has someone else and that fucking hurts. Don't tell yourself you're not allowed to feel that.

Someday. Someday you will put yourself where you belong in your heart, whether or not anyone else does or not. Life is full of so many things and people that you haven't met yet.

I love you, you beautiful soul.

-chip 💕

[ox1-lovesick]

📨 incoming ask game !

post a snippet of your drafts (atleast 5 if you have more) and let your readers guess what it's about !

This ask really found me at the worst time i literally have 96 drafts 💀 wips list maybe 🙀🙀🙀 there's only a handful of them but here you go, i may scrap these or completely change them so just keep that in mind y'know 💀 I HAVE MORE ENHYPEN STUFF BUT I WAS PLANNING TO DO SOMETHING ELSE SO I CAN'T SPOIL THEM YET

✧ REACTIONS

( i didn't include snippets in these cause it doesn't make sense without context 😭💀)

001: tubatu - you forget their pet's birthday

002: enhypen - you are taller than them

ㅤ

003: introducing tubatu to your family

✧ HEADCANNONS

001: txt as cliché romance tropes

── "you always cheat off me but you don't know my name?" you smiled at him, his eyes almost dissapearing as a guilty smile beamed back at you. "no wonder we're both taking the make-up test," he chuckled softly "do you maybe want to study together? i have no idea what i'm doing" his eyes trained on the marbled tiles below you "i don't have a clue either, i'm sure we'll figure it out though"

002: txt as tragic romance tropes

── maybe your mother was right, kai was indeed so perfect he didn't seem real. maybe her tears every time you mentioned him were off happiness—happy that her child had found someone who loves and appreciates them despite their circumstances. he was real, you felt it. the way he talked to you, touched you, kissed you. you could see his love clear as day—but schizophrenics who haven't taken their meds in weeks don't always see the truth, do they?

003: txt and how they show their love for you

── he takes care of you; throwing an extra jacket over his shoulder when you go out on a particularly cold day, scolding you as you shiver — with love of course, for not listening to him when he told you to cover up.

ㅤ

✧ TIMESTAMPS

001: [4:27 am] - c.bg

── any normal person would be sound asleep asleep right now, after all, 4 in the morning was an unusual hour to be up at when you had work in the morning. you, like a normal person, did have work in the morning, however sitting next to you, was the most abnormal person you've ever known. he too, like a normal person had a full schedule that would start in about an hour; instead opting to keep you and himself up throughout the night rather than getting the sleep he'd need to function throughout the day.

ㅤ

✧ FICS

(starting off with the tyun fic cause @yv17 will bite my head off 🫶)

001: Cash Or Card? - K.TH

002: Bookworm - C.BG

── be it early in the morning when he thought the others were still sleeping, or late at night when his eyes are struggling to stay open, he would always show up infront of you. it had become a force of habit at this point, never fully conscious or aware of his thoughts when he made the decision to grab another drink or pass by, his feet just carried him back to you sooner or later. dimples poking out of his cheeks, face dusted in red as he smiled, a smile he wore only when he knew he would see you. the same smile you searched for everyday without fail, your own lips curling at the sight

── "you can barely keep your eyes open y/n." beomgyu placed a gentle hand on your back, his gaze softening seeing your droopy eyelids. as adorable as you looked to him right now, he could see you were exhausted, anyone could— the way your head hung low enough to practically fall off your neck, your eyes red and bloodshot from the hours of forcing them awake to read one last paragraph, and your sleep schedule practically non existent due to you devouring one book after the other to store the information somewhere there in your brain.

003: Strings - C.BG

── "can a best friend not call another best friend over to sing them love songs anymore?" he smiled, his eyebrows furrowed.

004: Mistletoe - K.TH

── "this is all my fault, i'm so sorry" taehyun took your hand in his, caressing it softly "if i knew you were allergic i never would have hung the mistletoe, i wanted to kiss you, not send you to the hospital"

005: Gingerbread - Y.JW

── "maybe if you actually followed the recipe you wouldn't make a disaster every time" jungwon snickered, the piping bag clutched tightly in his hand—skillfully swirling buttercream roses onto the side of your gingerbread house

[meditating-dog-lover]

Proving doctors wrong

I'm all about proving doctors wrong. Not actuall doctors who genuinely care for your health and wellness, I mean doctors who don't gaf about that and will push pharmaceuticals and surgery on you like you're some sort of compliant and uninformed guinea pig.

I've significantly healed myself since last year and I feel amazing. I did this by incorporating several healthy lifestyle habits. The only thing I want to address now is my eczema. To find the root cause (whether it's due to allergies, food sensitivities, or gut imbalances) is my remaining goal.

Of course some clueless doctors will call me a pseudoscientists because I reject the usage of topical steroids since they come with a bunch of side effects and have a low success rate. It makes me so mad when they dismiss more successful yet non-traditional treatments such as vitamin D and flaxseed oil and looking into allergies as "NoT eNoUgH eViDeNcE, trust me I went to med school!!". I know how debilitating and painful eczema can be. So it makes me angry when doctors prescribe temporary treatments and quick fixes that come with side effects even worse than eczema to patients with severe cases of the condition knowing it won't do shit except stop the itchiness and redness for an hour or 2.

The patient is left to suffer and feel absolutely clueless and hopeless because a severe skin condition is slowly sucking the life out of them. Eczema isn't caused by an obvious poor lifestyle choice like smoking, inactivity, drinking, or overeating junk food. The root cause is so obscure and can affect perfectly healthy people. So no one feels like they "deserve" it or "had it coming".

I'm not a doctor, but I'm a scientist and I know for a fact that steroid creams are bullshit. This is because they come with a ton of side effects such as skin thinning, photosensitivity, discoloration, and topical steroid withdrawal if you quit cold turkey. Also eczema is not skin deep and always has an internal root cause, whether it be inflammation, nutritional deficiencies, allergies, or stress. A topical cream will NOT fix that. My scientific background puts me at an advantage here because I will spend hours researching root cause medicine and will understand the scientific and biological mechanisms behind how they work. I can't imagine how frustrating it would be for a patient with no scientific nor medical knowledge who is desperate for a longterm solution and only have the choice to heavily rely on what their doctor recommends, Even if their recommendations are lazy, inadequate, or harmful.

My blood work shows I have elevated white blood cells, and I am convinced my eczema is heavily connected to this. I'm going to do an allergy test to get to the bottom of this. An allergic reaction can manifest itself as eczema.

Idk if any of my mutuals also struggle with eczema. But I hope my posts can help those who come across it and are suffering with the condition. I know how horrible it can be and I want longterm solutions and lifestyle changes as opposed to a simple steroid cream.

[anonymous149]

Ch 3 Burning Love

Authors note: Cy granted me permission to use their artwork for the cover of my story so ha! A famous person on Tumblr is my new best friend! Anyway here's the next chapter or something.

"And then I said, 'the Aristocrats!" And then everyone laughed at Pop Fizz joked.

Peril turned to her newfound companions with gratitude in her eyes. "Thank you all for showing me around the academy after the chapter break. This place is grander... and quieter than I had imagined. I'm curious, am I the sole dragon here?"

Commander Cullen's golden hair glinted in the light as he spoke, "Actually, no. There's Cynder, a black dragon who's striving to master her darker inclinations." Peril's face shifted to one of concern, a reaction familiar to Cullen, reminiscent of when he mentioned his preference for dating humans or Elf girls. "Did I say something amiss?"

Peril's response carried a note of gravity, "It's just that there's a prevalent trope in media, portraying black dragons as inherently malevolent. It's rather prejudiced. Back in my realm, we had an entire race of black dragons unjustly branded as wicked, and then there was Darkstalker, an actual malevolent black dragon, who was ultimately bested by consuming a strawberry."

"A...strawberry?"

"Yup."

"Was he allergic?"

"Nope, he just became small."

Cullen made a fake cough. "Moving on, we also used to have a teammate named Spyro as well but he went on his own adventure to find where he came from."

"Hopefully he doesn't find his long lost mother but then she gets killed in THE FREAKING EPILOGUE OF THE FIRST BOOK!"

Eruptor whispered to stealth Elf. "Is she going to be ok? Seems like she has a lot of baggage?"

Stealth Elf responded in hushed tones, "Considering Spyro being the last of his kind and Cynder's father being the formidable Malefor, I'd say Peril's struggles are rather mid teir, if we don't factor in her impressive body count."

In the distance, Flashwing simulated coughs, vying for attention. "She's not the only dragon, you know. I've been in this series, though I never had any lines."

Eruptor's response was swift and direct, "Activision couldn't market you, so please, be on your way." With that, Flashwing vanished, leaving the group to continue their conversation

- Scene Change -

The grand chamber was dominated by the presence of Kaos, a figure of dark power and malevolent ambition. His angular features contorted into a sinister grin as he entered, the echoes of his footsteps reverberating off the cold stone walls. Smithers, his loyal assistant, trailed dutifully behind, his eyes cast downward in deference.

Kaos's voice cut through the air like a blade, the tone laced with a wicked glee as he began to speak of his plans. "Well, Glumshanks 2, it seems that in your realm, mortality is but a fleeting inconvenience. Dead one chapter, pop back up the next. While not quite the resiliency of the original, I suppose it will have to suffice. Now, let us discuss how we shall ascend to dominion over the Skylands!"

"Very well, sir. But do remember, you have a dinner engagement with Malefor later this evening. You'll be having tacos."

"Mal-what now?"

"Malefore, he's an evil dragon sir, voiced by Mark Hamil?"

"You mean Luke Skywalker!? Why would I ever join with a jedi?"

"Actually he also voiced the Joker from Batman."

"Even more reason not to join him! You can't trust clowns Glum 2." Kaos began to cry as he remembered a birthday without his mother where he hired a clown as it laughed at him and threw a pie in his face. "They sense weakness and strike with no fear...Cancel all plans with that overgrown lizard, we have more important matters to discuss than eating tacos."

"Right away sir."

"Ever since Spyro went searching for his long lost dragons things have been quiet boring but not anymore for I have found Spyro parents and if I can turn Spyro black and make him evil!"

"That might be racist sir."

"Fair point, if I can turn him dark!"

"Still racist."

A pause hung in the air as Kaos contemplated his words. "If Spyro's hue truly influences his emotions, then it stands to reason that his parents operate under similar principles. I must find a way to reach them and alter their colours, thus forging them into my loyal minions! How does that sound?"

"Very asute sir."

Kaos let out an evil laugh as he continued to lay out his sinister plans, the chamber seemed to darken further, as if the very walls themselves recoiled from the malevolence that hung in the air. The future of the Skylands hung in the balance, poised on the precipice of chaos and conquest.

[no-im-not-a-robot-stop-asking]

Two: vent

I never cry just because I can't lift something up or can't walk or am having an allergic reaction.

If I'm crying, it's because you left the thing I'm allergic to on the kitchen table, and not ruining my week would have taken you 1 minute but you didn't. My comfort and health is not worth this 1 minute.

If I'm crying it's because I've tried asking for help and you pretended you were gonna help, when I would have preferred you just told me you wouldn't, so that I would have the time to do it myself. Instead I'm just stuck in an impossible situation, because i lost too much time believing you would help.

If I'm crying it's because you got a cat when my sister was sad, even if it puts my health at risks. Because if I wake up chocking tonight, for a month, for a year, it's worth my sister having a cat.

If I'm crying it's because by pulling the dog on the couch you're making sure I can't sit on it. And after I've explicitly told you, you chose to have a dog on the couch instead of me on movie nights.

If I'm crying it's because you're proud it took you a few month to admit I'm disabled, when in facts I've been struggling for a year and you dismissed it.

If I'm crying it's because you've looked at me like im a monster, said it to my face, and put my sister against me when we discovered I was autistic. And because you now claim you've always been supportive.

If I'm crying it's because for the 100th time you're talking about going on a diet when I've asked you not to talk about this topic with me. When we know I've struggled with anorexia. When you told me years ago that I was morbidly fat and needed to see a doctor, and never apologized for it. I was already underweight.

I'm crying because you were so terrified I might be trans that you forced me into feminine, shape fitting clothes, that you pointed out and criticized every behaviour that wasn't feminine enough. When I got confortable with my femininity, you called me teasing and acting too seductively.

If I'm crying it's because you didn't believe I was molested, you called me a liar, you started telling me to keep contact with an ex right after I told you he was trying to sleep with me when I didn't want to. Because he was "nice".

If I'm crying it's because you've ranted about all my trauma to people you didn't even know. Because I can't mention my sexual abuse but you can gossip about it to everyone.

If I'm crying, it's because you've always deemed me responsible for people who cat call or grop me. If I'm in a skirt, it's too revealing, if I'm in sweatpants or jeans, it's too street coded and I'm bound to be groped.

If I'm crying it's because I am so tired of tiptoeing around you, of getting comfortable then regretting it. Of feeling awful because you're so nice and willing to help, but then if I don't put my gard up fast enough, the wound takes months to heal.

If I'm crying it's because I've had to argue that I'm a human. I've had to prove it. I've had to understand how if you're rude it's because you're tired, but if I am it's because I have some deep rooted anger.

And you know what? I do. Some parts of me are angry and are crying so that I can go and laugh with you, and live normally until something happens and I cry again. Some parts of me are trapped in the most hurtful moments so that I can forget them and live somewhat normally.

[thebibliosphere]

I'm starting to wonder if I have some degree of mild to moderate MCAS to go with the POTS and maybe-HSD. (I want to get another tattoo but since my last one I've developed severe dermatographia, so I researched mast cell dysfunction and was like ...okay a LOT of these symptoms sound familiar. Thankfully not anaphylaxis, though.) Unfortunately due to medical trauma & ignorant doctors, will probably end up self-managing. Do you or any of your followers know why first-generation antihistamines (ex: benadryl) seem to be the drug of choice for MCADs rather than second-generation (loratidine, cetirizine, etc)? To my knowledge they both target H1 receptors with a similar mechanism of action, but second-generation have fewer side effects because of greater selectivity. Benadryl makes me very drowsy and I already have enough problems with fatigue so I'd like to avoid it if possible. And if so, is there research on dosing for MCAS? I've searched Pubmed but no luck so far.

Hey friend, sorry to hear you're dealing with that.

And first-generation antihistamines are not the drug of choice for MCAS/D! I don't know where you read that, but it's wrong.

Benadryl is for emergency use only and is good to have on hand for severe reactions but should not be the primary form of symptom management. The first line of treatment for MCAS are type 1 and type 2 histamine blockers, such as cetirizine and famotidine, or Zyrtec and Pepcid if you want to use their otc brand names.

Patients usually find a combination of these two things helpful as it targets both the respiratory system and the esophagus/gut, which has a high concentration level of histamine receptors.

We also often take anywhere from 2-4x the daily recommended dose. However, I will stress that you really need to talk to a doctor before doing so, as it is possible to overdose on antihistamines, and you need to figure out the lowest dose that will provide symptom relief. I started out taking 4x the daily recommended amount and am now down to the daily recommended dose for "normal" people as I've gone into a sort of mini-remission that I'm able to manage with diet and lifestyle, though I always have my meds on hand if necessary.

After that, other drugs can be prescribed, ranging from steroids to prescription-strength supplements.

For example, Vitamin D deficiency has been linked to worsening allergies (link) and will actually make mast cells prone to destabilizing, so it is vital if you have any sort of Vitamin D deficiency to get on top of it and get your numbers to the top of the healthy range if possible.

In fact, any sort of deficiency that puts strain on your body can potentially lead to mast cells going a bit wonky (link-- a study done on rats, but it also seems to be backed up anecdotally in humans as well), so it's v. essential to make sure you're getting enough micronutrients, which a lot of people with conditions like MCAS/connective tissue disorders like HSD/EDS tend to be low on because our bodies don't quite work right. We also tend to have dietary restrictions, which doesn't help.

Another supplement that some people have found helpful is quercetin, which has been shown to help suppress allergic response (link). Some folks find Vitamin C useful, while others find it triggering as citrus can be a histamine liberator.

This brings us to lifestyle and dietary changes.

Many people with MCAS struggle with high histamine foods and find a low histamine diet helpful. The Swiss Interest Group for Histamine Intolerance provides the most comprehensive breakdown of high and low histamine foods to date. Going through all their links and downloads is well worth reading. They provide info on the histamine elimination diet (link), what foods are and are not histamine safe (link), and a helpful rundown of what medications may cause issues, though you need a login to view it.

They also have a new website for people with MCAS/D (link), which provides more helpful information beyond basic histamine intolerance.

Other factors you may need to look at include hormonal shifts (estrogen liberates histamine, so if you're someone who menstruates, you may find yourself more reactive before or during your menstrual cycle), reducing stress, and working through any trauma.

My MCAS is severe enough that a prolonged stress response or a traumatic event can send me into anaphylaxis. When you have any form of MCAD, stress is basically the hormonal equivalent of dumping a Molotov cocktail onto a housefire. Getting treatment for my c-PTSD is an ongoing process, but one I've found helpful in calming down my body's flight/fight/freeze response, which in turn helps my body relearn when and when is not an appropriate time to liberate certain chemicals that can lead to a mast cell degranulation event. I've found EMDR more helpful than CBT, as CBT left me triggered and often in a heightened state of panic afterward, but your mileage may vary.

Anyway, that is a very basic 101 introduction. I know you didn't ask for all this, but I figure it might be helpful! Good luck, and please do consider trying to find a doctor able to prescribe certain things if you need them. I know the medical trauma is hard, it's a huge root cause of my own c-PTSD, but if you're able to find a health care provider to help you with this, it'll be much, much more manageable.

Best of luck.

[kyunisixx]

champagne problems (part i)

a/n: back with another fic inspired by champagne problems by Taylor Swift. went circles with this one but it may possibly have a part 2.

themes: angst, heartbreak, and absolute heartbreak.

pairing: jimmy page x fem!reader

Bustling crowds or silent sleepers

You're not sure which is worse

She wasn't sure what drove her to act like she did tonight. Of course she was very much in love and head over heels. She can never fathom the idea of being with someone for the rest of her life other than him. The champagne she was sipping on earlier this evening left a lingering, bitter taste in her mouth, a pungent regret, and a sour truth.

Her ears are ringing and her chest felt like it was being compressed by a large boulder. Every breath she struggles to inhale seems to burn her throat, her eyes are clouded with tears. An experience she never thought she'd go through again, and this time, no comfort of Jimmy's embrace would calm her down. She then slumped back into a brick wall and slid down into the cold ground. 

As her breathing slowed down into a calmer pattern, she realized what she was feeling wasn't even a quarter close to what he must have been feeling at this moment. 

Jimmy, her darling Jimmy. That little boy who she met under a sycamore tree beside an old building during lunch hours. He stood up from the other side and dusted his perfectly ironed uniform and came over with his lunchbox in hand. He stopped in front of her and stretched his arm down to show the box into her view. 

"Take it. I don't like peanut butter. I'm not allergic, it's just disgusting" 

He had said in a clipped voice, but it didn't stop her mouth from morphing into a wide smile which exposed her missing tooth. "Hello, I'm new here. It's nice to meet you and I'm Y/N. How about you, what's your name?"

The stoic little boy ended up sitting beside her and she listened as he endlessly expressed his undying hate for peanut butter and how he pretends he does. His love for music and his dreams to study biological research.

He took her to a lake just a few minutes walk away from his home for the first time that weekend. "It's my safe place. I'd go here whenever I feel like I need an escape", he had said.

In his shoulder, was a bag carrying a large guitar. She watched him meander his bony but elegant fingers across the strings creating a beautiful sound which could almost lull her to sleep but his out-of-tune voice kept her laughter bubbling out. They had stayed seated on a blanket until dusk came around.

Her fingers wipe the lone tear which fell on a picture in her wallet. It was a faded photograph of them during their high school prom. Both older and he, a lot taller. What once was a little girl with a missing front tooth, now a young woman smiling at the lense of the camera. And what once was a shy and mysterious little boy, now shares the same smile and possesses the same glint of adoration in his eyes for the woman in front of him. Flowy and white was the dress she wore and a large suit with a funny-looking tie for his lanky form. She could vividly remember her hands shaking as he took her hand in his after she had asked him to leave early and avoid prom pageant schemes. He whisked her away under the same old sycamore tree and rested their expensively-clothed backs on the moist grass in silence. A few minutes, he sat up straight and with a stuttering voice, he confessed his love right there, reciting a long message in which she interrupted with a longing kiss.

He was there to watch her audition and rejected a few times for the football team until she was finally able to get in. She was amongst the crowd of people to watch him at his gigs and push him to work towards his passion and to create music.

His family loved her and her family adored him. As Emily Bronte said; whatever their souls are made of, his and hers are the same. 

So when he had her over to his parent's house for Christmas eve, she knew something was up. Everyone had a giddy smile as they seemed to knowingly stare at either her or Jimmy. And he, especially, appeared to be distracted and uneasy. Never in her years of knowing him had she seen him act like he does as he always was well-put together.

After dinner was served, glasses of champagne were being distributed as family members turned to each other to form in small groups of their own as they all waited for countdown.

"What do you want to get for Christmas?", Jimmy's sister cheekily asked, Y/N being unaware of its doubled meaning. She smiled fondly.

"I'm happy right where I am"

"I'd be damned if you weren't", his sister laughed heartily. 

They had chatted and shared half-drunken giggles for a few minutes until his sister broke free from the conversation when someone called her over. It was when the room got unmistakably quiet. She turned around to see Jimmy, standing awkwardly in the middle of the living room. Some eyes were focused on him and others were seeking her reaction. 

"You were the first one to listen to my hateful rant about peanut butter sandwiches, the first one to believe in what I can do and urged me to do what I desire. I cannot possibly express in any word the fondness I have felt the moment I have laid my eyes on you and your smile many years ago. An outcast like me, you were. But so unaware of the shine you possess and how you have everyone in every room in the palms of your tiny hands…"

It took her a few seconds to discern what was happening. As words spilled from his shaking lips, her ears weren't so responding anymore. So many thoughts were running all over her brain. He was about to propose marriage. She looked around to see looks of expectancy and hope in every family members and friends' eyes, the nervousness in Jimmy's voice and the distinct elephant in the room.

Jimmy and her were only young adults, her being 18 and him only a year older. Her heart pounded at the thought of being a burden and possibly hold Jimmy back from pursuing his dreams. Add the fact that she had goals of her own and even though the idea of growing old with Jimmy was all she wanted, she knew it was too soon. But her idea to explain her reason was impossible when there were so many people around, all expecting her to give one answer; Yes. The pressure was building up from her very core which pushed moist in her eyes and her knuckles to turn white from balling them into fists. Never in her lifetime did she think hurting Jimmy was the only resort to protect him. 

"...I am irrevocably in love with every fibre of your being and I want to spend my last, withering days with you, Y/N. Will you marry me?"

There was an impenetrable silence fogging the room. Her heart was pummeling against her ribcage as her breaths came in short puffs. Her mouth opened and closed again as she searched Jimmy's eyes for signs of hoax. His were desperately seeking hers for answers as his fingers gripped the emerald ring from where he was kneeling down on one knee.

"Jimmy… I", her voice croaked out dryly and swallowed. She locked her eyes on his green irises, ones she adored so much. Her lower lip trembled as she searched his face one more time. She was so desperate to say yes, but she knew she would regret it and would only end up hurting him more. Her hands reached down to cup his cheek, smiled sadly and in a small voice, she uttered, "I'm sorry, I can't".

Then she ran outside, leaving Jimmy, her Jimmy, to watch her leave and wallow in tears.

One for the money, two for the show

I never was ready, so I watch you go

Sometimes you just don't know the answer

'Til someone's on their knees and asks you

fogs on windshield glass (part ii)

⭐writings list⭐

taglist: @jonesyjonesyjonesy , @princesspagey (if you want to added in, let a sis know)