#i am now going to be reaping the consequences of my actions!

[erodasfishtacos]

Conflict of Interests (roommatesbf!h)

prompt: yn knows that she has a bit of a crush on her roommate/friend's bf but until an opportunity is put in her lap, she tries her best to resist.

word count: 9k

warnings: not necessarily infidelity yet but there's some shady business, mff, fxf

author's note:

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++ YN was pretty open, easy to say ‘yes’, and take risk but she wasn’t careless.

She weighed the reward versus the consequence, trying to make as much of an informed decision as she can before jumping in the metaphorical deep-end.

However, she had absolutely miscalculated and found herself reaping the consequences of her actions.

A ruined friendship, an empty second bedroom because said friend had moved out, and a few of their friends who were taking sides.

They weren’t on hers.

YN should have said ‘no’, at the time she knew she shouldn’t have, it would lead to nothing good because of how YN actually felt about Harry.

+

YN and Kay had been friends for years, meeting in senior year of high school when Kay had to transfer schools because of her father getting a job change.

They hit it off right away, deciding to room in college together, and now they had moved from a tiny dorm to more of a spacious apartment.

Kay and YN have lived together for three years at this point, they rarely had any issues, an occasional stolen yogurt or leaving laundry in the washer but nothing that shook the foundation of their friendship.

Until Harry walks into their lives.

Well quite literally walks into her bedroom while she’s getting dressed.

YN was going out to dinner with her family, her brother was in town and they were meeting at an Italian restaurant a few blocks down.

It was a fancier restaurant which meant that YN was buzzing around her room and connecting bathroom, hair and makeup done except for lipstick and hairspray.

YN had her high-waisted trousers already buttoned snugly against her hips but was trying to find a shirt that worked well with the dressy bottoms.

YN had a strapless bra on but the shirt she finds that she wants to wear looks better without, she tosses the shirt on the bed, and unclasps her bra.

She had just tossed it to the side, to put away later when her door opened.

It doesn’t initially alarm her, Kay has a tendency to not knock or generally respect the idea of privacy so when YN turns to see what she wants.

However, it is not Kay.

It is a man.

A stupidly attractive man whose eyes become as wide as saucers, his big baseball mit of a hand smacks over his eyes to cover them, and starts rambling an apology.

“Who the fuck are you?” YN screeches as she reaches for the first thing she can find, her fleece throw as she holds it over her chest, heart pounding.

“M’so fucking sorry, I-“ The man’s voice is low, a deep drawl and a bit morbid as he keeps his eyes covered with a tattooed hand.

“What’s going on?” Kay appears in the doorway, a smirk tweaking at the corner of lips, “Harry, I told you the door on the left.”

“This is the door on the left,” Harry replies in a higher pitch, which was still ridiculously deep as he stands there, trying to stay as still as a statue.

“Oh shit, I meant my left,” Kay giggles as she moves to tug at his elbow which he very resistantly starts to let her move his face covering, “She’s decent now.”

Harry blinks a few time, his cheeks were twinged a bright pink akin to the tone of bubblegum as he meets YN’s eye sheepishly.

“I am so sorry,” Harry apologizes again, stuffing his hands in his jean pockets, he was handsome - even if this sounded awful, completely out of Kay’s league.

It wasn’t that Kay wasn’t pretty, she was but Harry could have just walked out of some expensive cologne advert even in his jeans and black tee.

His tattoos were dark, no color to be found and it’s a contrast against his tanned skin like he had just been on a vacation with the golden tint.

“It’s okay. It’s completely Kay’s fault,” YN tries to crack a joke, easing the tension because though YN was actually quite proud of her body, she liked her breasts and didn’t mind who saw them - most of the time.

YN still managed to feel self-conscious about what Harry had thought because he looked like that and she felt a weird jolt of butterflies about it.

“But doesn’t she have the nicest pair of tits you’ve ever seen?” Kay nudges Harry, wrapping her hand around his massive bicep as best she can.

“Kay,” YN scolds as she holds the blanket closet, feeling super bare now.

“I’m just saying! I can’t help but stare when I see them,” Her friend shrugs, she had the tendency to be crude, crass, and frankly too much.

Harry has his bottom lip tucked between his two front teeth, eyes now not making contact with YN’s, “C’mon, Kay. Stop embarrassing her. It was an accident and I don’t want to objectify her.”

YN is oddly touched by his respectfulness, she felt like most guys would just openly agree with Kay which would have made her feel uncomfortable.

“Thank you,” YN replies, voice softer and the gaze she shares with Harry feels unusually intense before she’s clearing her throat, “Um, I need to put a shirt on.”

“C’mon, let’s go,” Harry tugs Kay in the direction of the door with one more apologetic glance before he’s closing it behind him.

YN’s stomach does a weird flip, what the fuck.

7 months later +

Harry and Kay are dating.

Which YN is a bit, scratch that, a lot confused by because they just seem like the most unlikely match but not just looks-wise.

Harry is quiet, doesn’t really talk unless he’s asked a question or has something to add to the conversation but he does not speak just to speak.

He does subtle things that he thinks people do not notice and usually don’t (YN does)

The way he will close a cabinet right by YN’s head so she doesn’t accidentally bump into it as she cooks without saying anything.

If he knows YN has a late day at work, he turn on a lamp in the entryway so she doesn’t have to stumble around in the dark and she knows it’s him because Kay wouldn’t be that thoughtful.

Plus she caught him once, he had awkwardly shrugged and said that he didn’t want her tripping and getting hurt before disappearing back down the hall to Kay’s room.

YN has a smile for quite a few minutes after that.

+_+

Kay and Harry are not affectionate which is interesting.

Kay was handsy, typically clinging onto her boyfriend at any time, and their group of friends groaning about the obnoxious amount of PDA.

Not them.

Harry did small gestures here or there like squeeze her shoulder or put his hand on her back, rarely throw an arm over her shoulder at a restaurant or bar.

YN also didn’t hear them from the bedroom.

Kay didn’t have a volume control button, it didn’t take detective-like skills to tell when she was being intimate with someone because of the noise.

It made YN’s skin crawl because it was obvious that they were over-exaggerated, high-pitched moans that made her roll her eyes and couldn’t believe the guys she brought home believed they were real.

But no, YN heard nothing ever.

And Harry was constantly over, Kay had told YN that Harry’s housemate was a nightmare which had him trying to get out of the house as soon as possible.

Harry was just…perfect.

YN knows she shouldn’t been thinking that but he is the closest thing to perfection that she has ever seen or met without a doubt.

On top of his thoughtfulness, he listened and was actually paying attention, no phone in his face, no half ass agreements.

Meanwhile, YN witnesses Kay constantly on her phone while Harry was trying to have a conversation with her - nodding and say “mhm” without looking up.

YN could see the frustration that he’s trying to taper down but that’s when she’ll jump in to let him know that she was paying attention.

The dimples that appear in his cheeks are all the reward that she needs to know that she’s doing that right thing.

Her heart aches a bit because of the crush she wants to have on such an off-limits person, so she’ll push it into the back, the darkest crevice in her mind.

Harry would most likely be mortified to know the shit thay YN thought while he was just trying to be friendly.

It was just that she couldn’t get a ready in them as a couple and that was driving her a bit insane.

Well YN was actually questioning whether she was crazy because she had moment where she thought that Harry was actually going out of his way to do things for her than his own girlfriend.

Then the bathroom incident happens.

YN really, truly didn’t know that Harry was here.

She heard the shower running and assumed that it was Kay in there.

YN and Kay didn’t have much off-limits, it wasn’t out of the norm for her to pop into the bathroom to brush her teeth or pee when Kay was in there or vice versa.

So YN doesn’t think much of opening the bathroom door to grab her hairbrush she had left in there but only she was not met with what she expected.

It was a standing shower, with a glass door which meant there was no privacy for the person if someone came in and holy shit.

Harry was under the stream with his head tilted down, he was running a washcloth over his stomach and holy fuck, she didn’t realize how built he was.

She hadn’t seen him shirtless before, yes, she could gather that he was in shape by the way his biceps flexed or how defined his thighs were when he wore shorts but this was unreal.

YN’s eyes find the harsh vee that is tattooed with laurels, that is leading downwards towards…

“I’m sorry!” YN squeaks out, halfway into the bathroom and her hand extended towards her brush but her muscles lock and she’s frozen for a good half minute, “Oh my god, shit!”

Harry turns at the sound, confusion momentarily crossing his face but he doesn’t seem bothered, does nothing to try to cover himself.

YN was repeating over and over to herself to not look there but she couldn’t ignore that’s where her eyes went first, wanting to continue because he was thick, heavy, and he wasn’t even hard.

YN turns to leave but doesn’t realize that she has stepped on Harry’s discarded clothes which means her foot slips out from under her.

She attempts to steady herself by grabbing the countertop but it is just out of reach as a yelp exits her mouth, falling into a lump of limbs.

Her lip is throbbing because her teeth sliced through the thin skin when she accidentally bit down, her fingertips coming to press against where the blood begins to dribble.

“Fuckin’ hell,” Harry curses as he watches all of this go down in the span of a minute flat, he’s reaching to turn off the faucet before he’s stepping out.

YN cannot fully appreciate Harry in his dripping wet, tanned skin, naked glory because her eyes are foggy with fat tears of embarassment and pain.

Harry grabs his towel, wrapping it haphazardly around his waist, threatening to slip off at any minute when he kneels down.

“Darling, what on earth?” Harry rasps, his eyes tracing her over, his hand coming to cup the side of her face as he holds her still.

He picks up his discarded shirt, pressing the soft cotton to her lip with pressure to stop the bleeding, his voice was comforting and entirely sweet enough to give her a toothache.

“You’re okay, s’okay. Calm down f’me,” Harry coos softly, stroking her hair as the other keeps the shirt against her lip, “I know, I know.”

Just the small little reassurances were digging YN into a deep, treacherous dark hole because she’d never had a boyfriend who would baby her as much as he was doing.

And that’s when YN realizes it, Harry has been babying her the entire time he’s been with Kay, and he just doesn’t do the same for her.

YN was too frazzled to delve any deeper into that right now.

“I’m so sorry, I thought it was Kay in the shower. I am so so sorry-“ YN is trying to tell him through choked sobs, unable to blink the tears away fast enough.

“Stop apologizing, dove. You didn’t know, the tears are killing me though. I haven’t seen you cry before and it’s just as heartbreaking as I would imagine,” Harry frowns, he was still dripping and it was dampening YN’s clothes.

“My lip hurts,” YN huffs out with a edge of a whine, god, it was so easy for her to fall into this baby role with him and let him take care of her, “And I’ve never been more embarrassed in my life.”

“Why would you be embarrassed?” Harry asks as he dabs at her lip, checking to see how steady the flow of blood is before pressing it back.

“I just barged in on you showering and then ate shit, I’ve never had a worse moment of embarrassment,” YN informs him, her face felt hot and she had to stop herself from looking towards the split in his towel.

Jesus Christ, this was her friend's boyfriend and she was swooning like a girl with her first crush in elementary school - she needed to pull herself together.

“S’just me,” Harry murmurs softly, taking the shirt away and watching her mouth for a moment before sitting back, “Nothing to be embarassed by.”

YN and Harry make eye contact which makes her stomach flip in a way that it shouldn’t because he’s off limits but he’s nice and beautiful and naked.

YN swallows harshly as she fails to find a reply.

Harry takes his hand away which she misses as soon as it’s gone, standing up before reaching down to pull her up as well.

“Let me dry off, go change, and I’ll make us dinner, yeah?” Harry says as he brushes a strand of stray hair off of her forehead.

“Yeah,” YN agrees dumbly, hands still shaking and her heart felt like it had just run a marathon with how fast her blood was pumping through it.

“Will you be okay for a minute?” Harry is still checking, he’s a worrier and that much is obvious through his words and facial expression.

YN chuckles out a light snort, not her most attractive moment, “Or what, can I hold your hand and wait while you change?”

It was absolutely and completely meant to be a joke, a sarcastic quip because of course she was okay enough to walk to her bedroom.

Harry doesn’t smile, not really, his voice ever steady and morbid as he replies, “I don’t mind. S’nothing you haven’t seen before now. If it makes you feel better.”

YN throat tightens, the urge to flea was becoming stronger because he wasn’t being outwardly flirty, he was being kind but it still felt wrong - at least because YN was struggling to stay just friendly.

There was nothing in Harry’s words that were overtly sexual or persuasive, his demeanor didn’t give much of anything away either.

“I’ll meet you in the kitchen,” YN manages to tell him before scurrying out of the bathroom as fast as humanly possible.

Even more guilt came when she was undressing, resisting the urge to touch herself to the mental image of Harry stepping out of the shower.

Where the deep vee had lead into trimmed hair that got a bit darker, thicker around the base of his -

“Stop,” YN scolds herself as she tugs on new underwear.

Harry had made it a point not to objectify her when he accidentally saw her chest but YN was better than no man as her mind kept going back to the sheer size and beauty of Harry’s cock.

Anyways.

YN was a shit friend right now.

End of story.

YN takes a little bit longer than necessary to exit her room, feeling like she was doing a walk of shame when she enters the kitchen.

Harry was already chopping up veggies, a pot of water that wasn’t boiling just yet on the stovetop, and it was all very domestic.

YN walks up behind him, itching to put a hand of his back, rub over the lithe, bulky muscles there but instead drums her fingers against the countertop.

“Do you need any help?” YN asks, her voice sounded relatively back to normal by now.

Harry glances over at her, his smile faltering slightly as he puts down the knife, and brings his thumb to her bottom lip again.

“You really did a number on yourself, dove,” Harry tells her, displeased as he traces over the puffy skin, eyes still studying her face.

YN’s heart rate spikes up like she didn’t just spend the last twenty minutes trying to regulate so that she didn’t feel like she was going to pass out.

It was impossible for her to decipher right now if Harry was just genuinely an affectionate, touchy person or whether he was flirting with her.

Not once has YN seen Harry touch her in the same way he was doing to her now - delicate, careful like she was made of the most breakable china he’d ever held.

There’s a jostle at the front door, a key turning into the lock, and YN jumps back out of his hold as he drops his hand, picking up the knife once again.

YN sits down at the kitchen table instead of trying to help, unlocking her phone, and trying to dissociate at whatever pops up on her timeline.

“What is this?” Kay laughs when she walks in, dropping her purse on one of the chairs as she smiles at YN before walking over and wrapping her arms around Harry from the back.

Harry…doesn’t stop cutting the vegetables but does tilt his head to the side look at her, she leans up to kiss his cheek before peeking over his shoulder, “Stir-fry?”

“With shrimp,” Harry tacks on as he turns back from her to focus on his work, his demeanor wasn’t necessarily drastically different but still…different.

Kay didn’t seem disgruntled by his attitude as she rubs his back for a few moments which YN tries to not get jeaous about because it’s not her place to be.

Then she’s plopping down in the chair beside YN, “Sorry, I forgot to text you and tell you I picked up an extra shift. Harry didn’t get the memo until he was already here.”

YN glares at her friend, “I know. I thought you were home, showering, and barged into the bathroom. Only to invade Harry’s privacy.”

Kay lets out a peel of laughter, eyes twinkling and completely unbothered, “It’s even now, right?”

“Huh?” YN asks, not sure what she meant as Harry turns around after adding the lo mein noodles to the boiling water, leaning against the counter with his arms crossed.

There was slight amusement at the tilt of his lips.

“He saw your tits. You saw his dick,” Kay shrugs with another hearty laugh, “You’ve got amazing tits. He’s got an insane dick so-“

“Kay,” Harry cuts in, a bit curt and disapproving, “It was all an accident. We don’t need to go into detail about what we all looked like naked.”

“Well you’re both hot and I’ve seen both of you naked, maybe I’m feeling a little inferior. I have a bombshell best friend and the hottest boyfriend. It makes me feel like chopped liver.”

Kay was looking for validation, specifically in Harry but he was not feeding into her behavior, “Kay, this really isn’t appropriate. Let’s drop it.”

It was not a suggestion.

However, that’s how Kay saw it.

“I’m just bragging, H. Chill out. Does it not inflate your ego if I talk about how big your dick is?” Kay was immature, admittedly and no better than a crude man on her best days - her thought patterns more perverse and blunt than most females.

“Kay,” Harry’s voice is sharp, a tone YN hasn’t hear before as he puts down the knife, “Let’s go to your room for a minute.”

YN sits awkwardly at the table, any butterflies from the interaction with Harry earlier we’re completely gone because of this.

YN could heard Harry’s voice raise, he wasn’t shouting but it was louder than his normal range of volume which lead her to believe they were fighting.

Kay was immature, Harry couldn’t train that out of her, and that’s why YN was surprised when she went for someone like Harry because she usually dated boys younger than her by a year or two - they matched maturities better.

YN stands up, walking over, and taking it upon herself to continue to chop the veggies while politely trying to ignore any of their conversation.

When they walk back out a few minutes later, Harry comes up beside her, just slightly bumping his hip against hers, and saying quietly, “Thanks, sucha good helper.”

It should sound patronizing but it doesn’t, Kay isn’t in here yet, and YN wonders if he would have said that in front of her.

Kay comes back a few minutes later, mood the same, and clearly trying to act like she didn’t just get chewed out by Harry as she makes small talk about work.

+_

YN struggles to sleep that night. 

Her stomach was rumbling because she didn’t indulge in too much of the stir-fry that he had cooked because of the tension between the couple.

Kay was making passive aggressive jabs in her ever cheery cadence while Harry gave her a very serious look, jaw twitching as he harshly chewed.

YN hid out in her room for the rest of the night.

Now it was biting her in the ass because she was starving.

As YN pads out, she has to go through the living, not thinking much when she flips the switch so that the floor lamp in the corner will illuminate some of the space.

There’s movement that makes her jump.

Harry was on the couch, YN had clearly woken him up as he stretched, trying to blink and adjust to the light as he takes in a deep inhale.

“Shit, I’m sorry,” YN turns off the lamp quickly, basking them in darkness again and muttering, “I can find the kitchen without the light.”

YN then proceeds to bump her thigh extremely hard into the side corner of their end table before she’s toppling over for the second time that day.

“Fuck, pet,” Harry curses, his voice sounded different, thick with sleep and a rasp that made it sound like he was a smoker, “What are you doing?”

Harry leans over, turning on the lamp, and squinting until he sees her on the floor, concern crossing his face as he pushes himself off the couch, and knelt beside her.

YN has tears prickling in her eyes, that really fucking hurt, she had already busted her lip today, and god, she looked like such a fucking idiot.

Harry’s voice goes soft again, like he’s just found an injured baby animal, “Oh darling, c’mon. These tears are too much. S’heartbreaking.”

“I just-“ YN hiccups, clutching her thigh that’s pulsing with her heartbeat, “I keep embarrassing myself in front of you and I don’t know why. Plus, my thigh hurts.”

Harry’s frown deepens, “You never need to be embarassed around me. Two times I’ve given your a surprise, s’on me, really. Let’s go put some ice on that.”

Harry helps YN up, guiding her to the kitchen and she yelps when she feels his big hands on her waist, placing her on the kitchen counter.

She was very aware that she was only wearing a big shirt with no pants on, a soft very tame pair of gray panties, and she flushed further.

Harry grabs a bag of frozen green beans, wrapping it in a hand towel, and taking it upon himself to nudge her shirt up her leg until he can place it in the injury.

“Why were you sleeping on the couch?” YN asks while she holds the bag in place, ignoring the ache.

Harry leans against the counter, opposite her, “Kay and I weren’t getting along. I decided to sleep on the couch so that we could have some space.”

“If this is about earlier, about the shower thing-“ YN begins to apologize.

“No, no,” Harry shakes his head, sighing heavily as he runs his hand through his hair, “We’re going through a rough patch in general. We’re just trying to get through it. We’re different in a lot of ways, we butt heads a lot.”

“I’m sorry to hear that. I hope you can make things work,” YN replies softly, free hand picking at the raggedy hem of her shirt.

“Yeah,” Harry bites the corner of his lip, “Why are you awake?”

YN blinks at him, sheepish as she admits, “I’m hungry. Dinner was tense and I wanted to give you guys space. I didn’t eat enough.”

Harry’s expression becomes one of disapproval, “Pet, s’not a reason not to eat. Let me make you somethin’ as an apology.”

YN shakes her head, “You don’t have to do that. I can get something myself.”

“Please? It will make me feel better,” Harry insists, standing back up straight and scratching at his stomach, his hair a bit haywire.

He was so fucking attractive it was sickening.

And this man was sweet to her, offering to cook her meals, and exceeding any of her previous boyfriends - they weren’t even dating.

YN couldn’t determine whether Harry was flirting or just being kind, he didn’t treat Kay like this which was the off thing.

The exact opposite, it actually seemed cold and distant most of the time towards her, his patience limited and his mood dropped.

“Do you like pancakes?” Harry asks, already moving to the fridge to pull out ingredients, “I have a special recipe from my gran that makes ‘em extra fluffy.”

“I have an awful sweet tooth,” YN hides her eyes with her hand for a moment, “I’ll never say no to pancakes, especially if you add chocolate chips. You better be careful, I might fall in love.”

YN freezes because that was definitely not the best thing she could have said, her eyes go wide and lips part in her own surprise.

“I better make them with chocolate chips then,” Harry says casually as he turns to open the cabinet like YN didn’t just nearly have a heart attack nor like she didn’t have to squeeze her thighs together.

YN watches his back as he cooks, the defined muscles flexing when he stirs the batter.

“More,” YN orders from her seat on the counter, swinging her feet.

It felt horribly romantic when he turned around, a mixing bowl in the crook of his arm.

“No more, s’not a dessert,” Harry chides as he reaches over to sprinkle a few more into the mixture like he was easy for her.

“Thank you,” YN hums with a smile, she wishes it wasn’t late because soft music in the background would be even better.

When Harry pours two onto the hot pan, he doesn’t turn around and he keeps his voice steady, “I wouldn’t guess Kay and you would be friends.”

YN shouldn’t but she does, “I wouldn’t guess you and Kay would date.”

Harry shakes his head with a chuckle, “We are not very similar, are we?”

“No, usually Kay dates people very much like herself,” YN tells him, fingertips dancing against the countertop.

“Which is?”

YN bites her lip, trying to say it in the most gentle way, “I love her but she…marches to the beat of her own drum, she doesn’t take things too seriously, and can be reckless. She has a history of dating guys who are younger, don’t have their life planned out.”

Harry turns to look at her after flipping the pancakes, his eyes were intent but he didn’t seem offended by the words she spoke.

They weren’t meant to be offensive, they were the facts.

“And what am I?” Harry raises his eyebrow, “A too serious, stuck up prick?”

“Precisely,” YN grins wide enough that it takes up her entire face.

Harry narrows his eyes before they’re darting down to the bowl of batter.

“Harry, no,” YN laughs, trying to keep it down because Kay was sleeping and she really should be in her own room right now.

“Mm, I think so,” Harry swipes his finger in the mix before stalking forward.

YN had nowhere to run because she was still sat on the kitchen counter but she fruitlessly tries to scramble backwards. 

Harry’s hand comes to her ankle, wrapping around to hold her as he leans forward and swipes it across her cheek as she kicks weakly at him.

“There we go,” Harry smirks as he moves back, not taking his hand away from her ankle, thumb pressing right under the bone.

YN and Harry both get quiet, chests moving quickly from the struggles, and she’s never felt this much sexual tension before in her life.

Harry’s other fingers press in, she finds herself wishing that they would move upward, it would be easy because she didn’t have anything beside underwear on her lower half.

When YN lets her limbs relax, her leg falls more into his grip, toes bumping at his hip, and his hand moves further to his calf.

They both seem to snap out of it at the same time, Harry is letting go and clearing his throat as YN pulls her leg back.

He turns back to the pancakes, sliding them off pan and onto an awaiting plate.

Harry takes a minute before he’s turning around again, eyes the slightest bit unsure, and YN doesn’t want there to be any awkwardness.

To dissolve the tension, she swipes her thumb along her cheek before popping it in her mouth, “Could use more cinnamon sugar.”

“S’plenty sweet,” Harry grunts as he hands it to her.

“Thank you. You really didn’t have to but I haven’t had pancakes in forever,” YN doesn’t use her fork, picking it apart with her fingers and dipping it in the syrup.

Harry turns off the stove, placing the pan and mixing bowl in the sink, running some sudsy water in it as YN eats happily, her thigh no longer hurting - she thanks the chocolate chips for that.

“You’re starting to get sleepy again, huh?” Harry murmurs as YN hands him the empty plate, she nods in agreement, and she slips off the counter, tossing the frozen bag back in the freezer.

“Thank you,” YN mumbles, rubbing at her eye.

“Let me check your leg first,” Harry tells her, kneeling down in front of her, and holy shit, that was a sight for sore eyes to have him blinking up at her, “Yeah? Okay?”

“Okay,” YN’s mouth was dry like the sahara desert.

Harry lifts the hem of her shirt up to her hip, exposing her underwear a bit more than necessary but the thing is, she wanted him to see.

If Kay walked in right now, there would be no excuses, no justification that she would believe because of the heavy way they were both breathing and staring each other down.

“Fuckin’ hell,” Harry curses with a rasp, his fingertips pressing into her thigh, far enough from her injury that it doesn’t hurt.

YN thinks he’s referring to where she had bumped her leg but when she follows his gaze, it’s on her center where sure as shit there was a spot of her arousal.

Her eyes widen, embarrassed by his find, embarassed by how much she wants his mouth there - she’s never felt such a carnal craving like this before.

“I…” YN’s voice is breathy, high-pitched as she swallows down a whine of pure desire and deep, aching want.

She finds herself burying her fingers in his hair, it was partially to ground her, mostly to guide him towards where his eyes were set.

YN has never, repeat never, been so brazen in her life.

Her brain had shut off the part of her that had morals.

Harry is leaning in as she tugs at the roots of his hair, closer to her center where the want for him was tangible but he’s suddenly jolting back.

“We can’t. You know that, pet,” Harry sits back on his haunches, he scratches his jaw before pushing himself up off the floor.

He runs his hand through his hair, stress visible in his features as they tighten and the smile he gives YN was strained - his dimples didn’t pop.

“I’m sorry,” YN feels like a baby when her bottom lip starts to wobble, she should know better and it sucks how much she likes Harry.

“Don’t cry, s’my fault. Please don’t cry, darling,” Harry voice is hushed but soothing, he steps forward but YN takes a step back.

“I need to go back to my room, okay? We can act like none of this happened,” YN is a shit friend, but how would she even explain this to Kay?

YN doesn’t wait for a response, she’s turning on her heel, and booking it out of the kitchen - straight towards her bedroom to scream into her pillow.

++

YN tries to stay out of the house for a few days, going out with friends, taking an overtime shift at work, anything to avoid seeing Kay and Harry.

However, her luck runs out on day four when she’s comes home after her friend had to cancel plans due to a work thing and she had no choice but to head home.

Kay and Harry were on the couch, her feet were in his lap, and his hands were resting on her calves - there was no other cuddling and it looked rather platonic.

Neither of them look thrilled, but they at least give her a smile when she walks into the room.

While she’s in the kitchen, mixing ingredients for a salad together, she can hear their hushed voices, and it sounds tense once again.

Kay is speaking a bit louder, Harry has a bite in his tone that she has never heard but she couldn’t quite make out what they were talking about.

However, after another minute of their bickering, the front door shuts, and Kay is walking into the kitchen with an uneasy expression.

“I want to talk to you about something,” Kay starts as she sits on the countertop, her eyes only sporadically looking towards YN before darting away.

Oh shit, she knows.

She fucking knows.

YN is about to speak, to apologize, to grovel.

“This is really out of the blue. I don’t expect an answer from you right now or anything,” Kay is looking down at her hands, surprisingly vulnerable, “But I have a major favor.”

“You know I would do anything for you,” YN replies, putting down the mixing tongs and trying to regulate her irregular heartbeat from the spike in anxiety - this is where she gets caught, for what exactly, she doesn’t know but what happened a few nights ago in the kitchen wasn’t right.

“I…You’re bisexual, right?” Kay is visibly nervous, her fingers were trembling, and she was about to bite a hole through her upper lip, trapped between her teeth.

“Yes,” YN doesn’t know where this was going.

Kay knew this.

Kay had met girls YN had gone out with as well as guys.

“I…Fuck, just forget it,” Kay huffs out, acting like she’s about to slide off the counter to leave.

“You can tell me anything, come on,” YN reminds her, moving closer to rub her shoulder.

Kay looks at her hand on her shoulder, taking in a deep gulp before asking something that YN didn’t see coming from a million miles away.

“I want to try…being with a girl, you know? I just feel like there’s no spark sexually between Harry and I. I felt like there wasn’t one with a few of the last guys I dated too and I’m starting to think I’m the issue. Harry is gorgeous, sexy but I just…I don’t have a desire to jump in bed with him.”

That makes one of us, YN thinks.

“Kay…I’m not sure what you’re getting at,” YN pauses, she felt shaky now for a different reason.

“Will you…god, this is so fucking lame but I trust you. I want to hook up with you,” Kay blurts out finally, eyes wide and unsure, she was being vulnerable right now like she didn’t know how YN was going to respond.

YN swallows a gasp of surprise, of course it’s a surprise hearing that one of her best friends wants to sleep with her, to experiment.

“Is that what you and Harry were fighting about?” YN asks instead of giving her an answer, she needed more information before she said yes.

Kay was cute, attractive but wasn’t YN’s type.  It wouldn’t necessarily be a hardship to hook up with her but she can say that it has never crossed her mind that she would want that.

“Not really,” Kay shrugs mulishly, “We discussed it. He doesn’t think that it’s a good idea that it’s with you, you know? But I feel comfortable with you, I don’t want to go out and find a random girl to try it out with.”

YN flushes at the thought of her having this conversation with Harry, with Harry telling Kay that it wasn’t a good idea, “He wants you to go hook up with a random girl?”

“He supports whatever decision I make to try to figure myself out a bit more. He didn’t tell me I could or couldn’t do anything but he wants to be there,” Kay adds another bombshell, like this already wasn’t insane enough.

“What?” YN’s eyes were wide as saucers.

This had to be a prank.

This was not real life right now.

Kay laughs nervously, “I know it’s insane, okay? Harry and I aren’t the norm though. Not at this point, I don’t know what I want but I don’t want to break up with him. I’m being selfish and he for some reason or another loves me enough to see this through.”

The thought of Kay and Harry talking about love makes her stomach churn when she has no right to feel nauseous thinking about that.

“He suggested I find someone we could have a threesome with,” Kay was finally starting to make more consistent eye contact but YN doesn’t think she’s ever seen her this unsure of herself as she picks at her bottom lip.

“And he is okay with it being me?” YN clarifies, it’s not for the right reasons, she wants to know that Harry wants her just as much - it’s not right.

“Like I said, he thought it would be better if it was someone less close but I always really thought that you were attractive and…yeah,” Kay trails off before actually answering the question, “He said that if I ended up choosing you, that would be okay with him too. He didn’t care either way.”

YN feels like an asshole for feeling disheartened about it, that he wasn’t jumping on the chance to sleep with her without any strings attached, it made her feel a bit anger like he was leading her on but she was quite sure that she wasn’t imagining things.

“I’ll do it, yeah,” YN agrees with a wary smile, “Anything to help you out.”

“You’re the best,” Kay squeals, suddenly excited and all the nervousness that had seemed to have left her body as she jumps off the counter, and very unexpectedly steps into YN’s space, cupping her cheeks, and bringing her in for a kiss.

YN’s freezes for a moment, just taken aback by the action but Kay’s lips are soft, she doesn’t want to push her off and make her feel embarrassed, and it had been awhile since she had any intimacy so it wasn’t unwelcome.

Kay tasted like something sweet as she parts her lips, YN finds herself slipping her tongue into her mouth, and though the feeling isn’t nearly as fiery as it was when Harry just merely touched it, it still felt nice.

YN doesn’t know how long they stay like that, YN with her hips pushed back against the countertop, and Kay boxing her in, hands not wandering much, keeping one of the side of her neck, and the other on the curved space between her ribcage and hipbone.

Long enough that someone clears their throat and makes them jump apart.

Harry.

He was back, with a bag of groceries in his hand, and a downright scary expression on his face.

His eyebrows are knitted tightly together, a crease in the space that exists, his lip was twitching to hide the way he was grinding his molars together but the flex of his jaw gave away what his was doing as he loudly lets the bag spill onto the table.

It’s almost worse that he does not say anything or acknowledge it.

“I’m making eggplant parmigiana,” Is all the he says, without looking at either of them, and unloading this onto the countertop surface with a bit more force than necessary.

YN knew her lips were puffy, swollen from how into Kay had been.

It was…nice but YN wasn’t necessarily disappointed that they got interrupted either, she wasn’t dying to do anything further either.

Not like how she would have done just about anything to have a few more minutes with Harry that night.

YN questions whether any of this was true, whether Kay really did discuss it with Harry because by the way his shoulders were bunched up and his movements were sharp and almost agitated, it really didn’t seem like he was okay with sharing his girlfriend.

“I’m going to go out for a bit,” YN wasn’t planning on it but she really didn’t want to be in the middle of whatever conversation was about to happen.

“YN, no. You don’t have to,” Kay starts to assure her, glaring over at Harry like she wants him to change his attitude but he doesn’t look at either of them nor does he give any input as he starts to take items out of the bag.

“No, I had plans already,” She lies, quickly retreating from the kitchen and into her bedroom.

It’s no surprise when she hears their voices travel back towards her bedroom, they’re not yelling at each other but it’s definitely not a gentle, easygoing conversation if the way it echoes is anything to go by.

YN frantically texts a few friends, begging to see if anyone was willing to go to eat or get drinks because she wanted to try to be out of the house as late as possible tonight, hopefully not getting home until both of them were asleep.

++

YN is lucky enough that her friend, Mindy, invites her to tag along to a work outing that they were having to celebrate the startup company’s anniversary.

It was at a bar in the middle of the city where the drinks were comped and it was easy to let the liquor slip down her throat, again and again as she took advantage of the free alcohol to ease the mindfuck that had happened to her earlier.

Did Kay really suggest those things?

Did Kay really kiss her?

YN drank until those questions became a bit quieter and she became a lot more fuzzy.

++

YN was still happily buzzed when she was dropped off by the uber at her apartment building's doorstep, not drunk enough that she stumbled as she made her way in but not sober enough that she didn’t have to squint at the numbers on the elevator panel until they made sense.

YN was uncoordinated on a good day so any alcohol just made that amplified, it was a mission to try to riffle through her small clutch to find her housekeys - it was a tiny bag, where could they be?

She tries the doorhandle just to see if they had left it unlocked but they didn’t which makes her thump her head against the wood of the door as she blearly brings her clutch closer to her face to dig through, her lip gloss falling to the ground.

“Shit,” YN huffs as she leans down, hearing the click of the lock being turned and the door is opening.

YN stands up to see Harry at the door, a pissy expression on his face but he doesn’t look like he has been sleeping despite the late hour, it had to be past two in the morning by this point because she truly did lose track of time.

He doesn’t say anything but steps aside to let her in.

“You’re killin’ my buzz,” YN grumbles as she steps through the doorway, leaning down to attempt to unstrap her heels but then she actually does trip over her own feet like a baby deer learning how to walk on new legs.

“I’m terribly sorry,” Harry replies in the most morbid, monotone drawl - not one ounce of sincerity in his voice.

When she stumbles again, Harry grips her arm, “Enough. Sit down. I don’t need you getting injured for a third time for fucks sake.”

YN frowns, she doesn’t like how cold and distant he sounds but she does like the pressure of his hand on her body.

She easily obliges, sitting down on the entryway bench, and he kneels down in front of her.

YN’s heart rate spikes because it’s extremely reminiscent of that night.

“Kay kissed me,” YN blurts out, trying to keep her voice down, unsure of whether her friend was still awake but she highly doubted, she regrets the words as soon as they slip out, she didn’t mean to throw her friend under the bus but she didn’t want Harry to be mad at her.

Harry bites at the corner of his lip as he undoes the strap around the ankle of her right foot, slow and methodical, focused without looking up at her, “Did you want her to kiss you?”

YN is a bit taken aback by the sharpness of his tone.

When she doesn’t respond, he blinks up at her from under his lashes, his eyes were unfairly pretty under the yellowish light from the fluorescents of the lamp on the entryway table - green with nearly golden specks, flickering through and highlighted.

“Did you want her to kiss you?” Harry repeats, cold, distant, nothing like his norm.

YN doesn’t know how to reply.

Honesty is the best policy and the warm liquor that was running through her veins was helping the cause that would have normally been much harder for her to speak her mind. YN feels fat tears welling up in her eyes, the kind that sting, mixing her makeup into the saline that starts to make her blink furiously - using the heel of her palm to roughly swipe them away.

Harry slips off the first shoe, setting it neatly to the side before looking up at her again, waiting for the answer, “Tell me.”

Her bottom lip wobbles, it’s hard to maintain the intense eye contact that he was giving her as she shrugs, mulish and unsure, “It was unexpected.”

Harry seems to hesitate for a moment, “Did you enjoy kissing her?”

YN squeezes her eyes shut, hoping that Kay didn’t hear, hoping that he didn’t repeat this to Kay.

“It wasn’t bad,” YN skirts the question.

Harry puts his hand on her knee, gripping gently, “Talk to me. I know she threw a lot at you at once.”

“You don’t want me to be involved,” YN huffs, childishly enough like she was dealt an injustice.

Harry’s teeth grit like they did earlier, his fingertips pressing in slightly, “I never said that. I said it might not be the best idea because you two live together and are close. However, she clearly doesn’t take my advice, stemming from the fact that she calls you her ‘bisexual awakening’.”

YN raises her eyebrows at that, Kay hadn’t specifically said that, sure, she mentioned that she thought that YN was attractive but it had not been specifically mentioned that she had that much attraction towards her.

“What do you want?” YN’s nearly whispering now.

“It doesn’t matter what I want, it’s not about me,” Harry deflects, YN’s realizing that he’s really good at that.

“What did you think when you walked in and saw us?” 

“It’s not important. You agreed, right?” Harry clarifies, moving now to take off her other heel.

“I did,” YN swallows, blinking down at him, her heart felt like it was going to give out.

“You know why I don’t think it’s a good idea,” Harry meets her gaze again, intense and unwavering.

“You just said because we’re close,” YN repeats what he had just said.

“There’s a much bigger reason it’s not a good idea and you know that,” Harry face is serious, terse as he slips the strap from the small golden buckle. “Say it,” YN replies, unsure where the bravery came from, maybe she was just tired of him being constantly vague and noncommitall, “Tell me why then. Spell it out.”

Harry’s eyes become stormier, he places the heel next to it’s pair before sitting up further, until he suddenly moves.

His hand coming up to cup her neck, just like Kay ahd done but it was with more intention, not the timidness or hesistaation that her friend had, this was pure confiddence as he uses his grip to pull her face closer to his.

YN’s lips instantly part in a surprise, quiet gasp, and instinctually she parts her legs to give him room to situate hiself in between her, to get closer.

His lips are just about to touch hers but then he stops, “This is why it isn’t a good idea.”

Then he’s pulling back, standing up, and stalking back down the hall away from her without another word.

What the fuck.

++++*_

Thoughts?🫣

[rizsu]

ꪆ୧ ── REAP WHAT YOU SOW ┊ LOVE TO LOSE ﹑ JJK. ⤿ starring: gojo satoru x fem!reader.

꒰ heart to none ﹢ if only he knew karma would come back to bite his ass a few years later. now he misses his ex while she's moved on.

𖧷 · love, ‘su: nothing much!! just moments of him suffering

co-parenting with satoru truly isn't all butterflies. as reserved and respectful as he is (to a selected few), satoru never hesitated to taunt you whenever you mentioned going on dates.

“a date? hmm, good luck with that.”

“if it happens to kick off, good for you, but i don't want him near my child.”

“how exciting! i hope it fails.”

those are just some examples of his behaviour. he's vocal about disliking you and the idea of sharing you. had he known beforehand he'd become slightly possessive, he would've avoided you and relationships altogether.

loving someone his mind hates but his heart longs for isn't an experience he'd wish upon his worst enemy — it's too much. the wretched feeling in his chest deepens whenever he's with the kid; scenarios of you being beside him at that very moment flashes before his eyes, but his pride's too high to crash whatever you're doing.

that doesn't stop him from texting, however. he never had an issue with double—triple texting you. if he had something to say (which is never anything important), he'll say it.

satoru: hey.

satoru: did you forget you have a family at home?

satoru: my child's asleep btw, we had fun all day.

you: my* child. not yours.

satoru: so what am i, an elf on babysitting duties?

you: sure if that's what you want. now stop texting my phone.

satoru: what if i'm dying?

you: i'd pop some champagne. throw something on the grill. light up a cigarette, even.

satoru: you don't even like cigarettes.

you: exactly. now bye i'll be there for six.

yeah, there's no doubt that you'll never entertain him again. he, too, wouldn't entertain himself if he was in your position. sure, he was an ass in the relationship but— you're both older and wiser. maybe you can put the differences aside and come together? a flat no is what you'd answer.

satoru doesn't even hear from you often; most of your activity reports come from your child who excitedly tells their father the details, wishing he was there.

“you guys had fun. i wish i was there too, bub.”

a sentimental tone settled in his voice. he's suffering the consequences of his actions, and he desperately needs you to help him through it.

just like old times: you'd be there for him, going along with whatever he needed to calm down. whether it's wanting to be in you or on you— as long as your arms were wrapped around him.

but it's all a memory now. a bitter one.

do you show your vulnerable side to the guys you date, too? do you hold them the way you held him? do they even know what you like? do they know you the way he knows you?

jealousy, regret, longing— everything mixes in his mind. his stomach aches. it feels as though his insides are hollow.

he adores your child. they look mostly like him, but the personality stems from you. the attitude, tantrums, even the way they hold things — it's all you. he guesses the kid's observed you and eventually picked up your habits. satoru relates; after all, he still has some of your habits he picked up.

as the clock ticks on, his fingers hover over the keyboard on his phone. somehow, he found himself in your pinned chat— debating whether he should text or not. he's been typing and deleting for the past ten minutes. unless you're not on the app, there's no way you didn't notice the ‘typing...’ under his contact name.

satoru: i've been thinking.

(message deleted)

satoru: fuck your date let's get back together.

(message deleted)

satoru: or whatever you're doing right now. let me apologize — it's been years. our baby's four now.

(message deleted)

satoru: hey.

you: what's with these deleted messages?

you: are you okay?

he wonders. is he okay? would you come over if he said no? are you going to be mad if he re-sent what the deleted messages said?

satoru: uhhh yeah. everything's fine.

satoru: i'm bored that's why.

satoru: you should totally come over.

you: no.

you: talk to you later.

satoru: please? i'm serious.

you: fine.

satoru: might as well spend the night.

(message deleted)

satoru: thanks.

(message delivered)

“well fuck...” he sighs, raking his fingers through his hair. he doesn't have anything to say nor do with you. actually, he does — he has quite a few, but he wouldn't push your buttons. he'd love to, but the chances of him receiving a slap is high.

[crsssie]

All you had to do was stay with Damian Wayne 🙏

this is what you wanted - damian wayne x reader

"It was my fault." Damian acknowledges. "However—"

You raise a brow. "Mr. Wayne, did you call me for a business meeting just to discuss this?"

"No." He lies.

You stare at him, blinking. "Liar."

"Okay, it was not the main purpose of this meeting, just one of the—"

You sigh. "What's the business-related purpose?"

Damian pauses. "...nothing."

"There you go." You sigh. "You broke up with me, so don't ruin your reputation and come crawling back to me. Mr. Wayne—"

"Damian." He whispers, eyes hurt. "Please. Damian, like you used to call me."

"You aren't Damian to me anymore." You mumble. "Mr. Wayne, I don't care how you take care of it, but I am no longer yours. You were the one who told me I was not suited to date you after so long."

Damian shrinks, hurt on his face despite his training to mask his emotions, and you pause.

"...Damian." Your voice is gentle. "You broke up with me, so hold your head up high and continue to pretend that it didn't hurt you, alright? You have to."

"I don't want to." Damian mumbles.

He looks pitiful, but you don't point it out.

"I can't stop you from reaping the consequences of your own actions." You mumble. "You have a meeting in ten, so fix yourself up before then. I'll see you at the meeting, Mr. Wayne."

Damian feels himself shatter just slightly.

He's Mr. Wayne to you now.

1989 event

[rayshippouuchiha]

Juuuust stopping in to say? Your 9/10ths AU? Legit was my Yandere Aizawa awakening! Never knew how WELL it fit until that moment but holy sh*t! :D so much red! All of it flags! Delightful~☆!

I legit can not WAIT for that precinct to fall apart? They are so sh*t to Izuku and yet rely so heavily on him? Have come to expect and take for granted a truely EXCEPTIONAL level of Analysis that honestly? At their level they would never be able to afford for even a FRACTION of the cases they get him to do it for.

He is a blessing from the gods. Ten thousand winning lotteries. Should be their best kept secret and most beloved staff member. But WHERE is he? A dusty closet.

Aizawa is gonna watch them fall apart and laugh. Oh boo hoo, reap what you sow. Izuku is his now. Good luck finding another analyst willing to take the same literally insulting, bordering on illegal, pay you had Izuku on! No one will take it!

NO ONE. Not even amateurs. Your budgets is f*cked, your case load just got countless times more dangerous and difficult, and? Words gotten out through a VERY unhappy Grand Torino (and Scheming Nedzu n Aizawa, but really can you PROVE that?) to the older and retired generations of Heros that you are "unreasonable bastards" who are "impossible to work with".

You know! The parents, grandparents, mentors, and bosses of all those promising young Heros you want to work with you! Huh. Wonder why they suddenly don't want to return your calls. Won't pool resources and Intel.

Gasp! If it isn't the consequences of our own actions! >:Dc

Just? Izuku merrily scribbling away back at the apartment. Finally full and freshly... rested. Having the first peaceful afternoon he's had in YEARS. All while his old workplace metaphorically burns to the GROUND. Aizawa brought Marshmallows. Isn't even gonna eat them. Just wants these f*ckers to know who started the fires.

BURN.

Like? Izuku thinks Aizawa just want out on lovely lil patrol. How peaceful! New apartment, freshly laundered clothes, dinner prepped and ready to go, music playing, the weather's nice~ mmmmm. Yes. He should look up cat toys for their future cat!

Smash cut to "I am the wrathful fist of god" Aizawa. Nedzu is cackling.

As always I am thrilled to be a gateway for you darling!

Ohh the precinct! It is going to be a major case of "don't know what you've got until it's gone" for that entire building only so so much worse because Aizawa and Nedzu are both going to end up involved.

Because yeah, they're never going to find someone of Izuku's skill level to replace him, and especially not with the pay/hours/abuse he tends to put up with. So, like you said, workload/budget/etc all that would have to take a hit to replace him.

And that's before Nedzu puts a black mark on them as a whole and then Gran finds out just how bad shit is because you called it, he's also gonna be pissed.

Like, RIP Tsukauchi and Sansa, you both might want to straight up move.

Once Aizawa is able to get Izuku home with him? Oh Izuku is gonna settle into this new domesticity (with some anxiety but full enthusiasm) meanwhile Aizawa has a kill list and no regrets.

[artdolliewishes]

One thing I honestly disliked about Avatar Way of Water was Lo’ak and how his arc was about how he felt like an outcast and that nobody understood him. Because, while he is kind of the black sheep of his family, there’s another character who more closely fits with the themes of feeling like you don’t belong anywhere:

Spider “too Na’vi to be human, too human to be Na’vi” Socorro.

When you compare the two characters circumstances and what they both went through, it feels extremely hypocritical to say that Lo’ak is the “outcast” character in this film when Spider is literally right there. At least Lo’ak has a family that loves and accepts him as part of their family, no matter what shenanigans he gets himself up to; he’ll never not be their family.

Spider on the other hand…well I don’t think I need to explain how his “family” situation is not quite as pleasant.

But then I started thinking about why Lo’ak feels outcasted, more specifically I started thinking about why Lo’ak sees himself in Payakan and how that takes this arc from “hypocritical plot point” to “clever set up for future conflict and arcs.”

Think about it. Why are Lo’ak and Payakan considered outcasts? It’s because both of them make bad decisions which have drastic consequences.

In the first twenty minutes of the movie, we see Lo’ak go against his father’s direct orders and that leads to him and Neteyam nearly getting killed. Later on he chooses to lead himself, his best friend, and his two sisters into an unknown situation that ends up with them getting held hostage and Spider getting kidnapped. And finally his decision to go back for Spider ended up with Neteyam getting killed.

To be clear, I am NOT saying that Lo’ak is responsible for Neteyam’s death or that he’s a terrible brother or friend, just that things are complicated and he makes mistakes that have immense consequences.

Payakan is the same way. When the RDA killed his pod he made the decision to go after them, which led to the deaths of other Na’vi. I also don’t fully blame Payakan for this either, but it’s undeniable that the movie wants us to understand that there is some kind of tangible connection between someone’s misguided but well intentioned actions and the horrible consequences that come after.

This is different from the reason why Spider is outcasted, because Spider never did anything that earned him a bad reputation or tarnished others trust in him. The only reason why Spider is stuck in between worlds, not fully accepted by either, is because he’s a human on Pandora who grew up with Na’vi culture. He’s too much of either group to really fit in with the other.

However, as discussed before, Spider does end up making a well intentioned but misguided decision at the end of Way of Water: he saves Quaritch, and in the next few movies we will see the fallout of that decision and the consequences it’ll bring.

Now, obviously Lo’ak is going to be upset with Spider for this, I would be shocked if all of the Sullys weren’t upset with him for some time after they learn the truth, but Lo’ak’s arc in Way of Water is great setup for how he in particular will eventually come to understand and forgive Spider.

Remember what he said to Tsieryu about Payakan after their conversation with Tonowari?

“Does he have to pay for it[his sins] for the rest of his life?….He knows what he did was wrong and he would never do it again.”

Lo’ak’s arc about being outcasted isn’t focused on circumstances beyond one’s control outcasting someone unfairly, it’s about how people who make well intentioned mistakes and reap terrible consequences still deserve a chance to be better and earn forgiveness; they do not deserve to bare those sins forever if they understand that they were wrong.

My guess is that Spider is going to understand that he was wrong for saving Quaritch and have to deal with the consequences, and in doing so and trying to do better he will earn Lo’ak’s forgiveness and understanding.

Or at least, I hope they go this route or something similar lest all of this set up be for nothing.

[komero-otus]

I've tried to not write vent posts because usually they don't help me that much but right now I have no other place I feel like I can just puke all this to, so into the void it goes. I'm so stressed and so tired and somehow SHIT KEEPS GETTING WORSE. like yeah it could always be even worse worse but I am already at my limit. Money's tight, I have bills to pay, I don't clean enough and I reap the consequences of my actions, my dysphoria is kicking me every day so hard and overall body-image issues are STILL hounding me. I don't have a job, I can barely take care of myself, I feel like I'm not giving enough to the people around me and I suck as a person (I know this is probs depression and insecurity talking but I just hate letting people down and I feel like I just keep letting down every single person in my life.) I need to pay for doctor and physiotherapy stuff, I need to pay for meds. The building I live in is being renovated and the nonstop loud drilling sound makes me want to cease existing. the renovations or fixing or whatever theyr doin causes all other type of complications I really dont need rn. I feel so useless and drained all the time. I found bugs in my apartment, I want to puke, I blame myself because I am the one who didn't do enough to prevent things from getting this bad. I'm worried about the people around me, I'm worried about people I don't even know. Shit's so bad all the time like what the fuck is even the point. I know what the point is I know I know I know but I've been in a shit headspace for so long. but I cant even talk about it to people whose JOB is to help because I'm scared if my depression diagnosis goes back to more severe levels on paper, I won't get my transition going and it's already been such a long wait and it's already so precarious and I won't be able to take it if they kick me out again. what the fuck. like. I can't handle all this. I can. I have to. but for now I just feel like total shit. why can't I just function better and be better and do better. it shouldn't be this hard. what the fucjk. I'm so tired I can't do this. I will do it I will continue please dont worry about me but like FUCK. ughhh. whatever Im gonna go take the trash out or something and drink some water. all this stress better not trigger my aura migraines again I've been free from those for long dont fucking come back. fucking auugghhh shits bad

[mareenavee]

WIP Whatever? Yeah.

Hi Everyone! I have been buried in some work for Skywind lately, and I am tired.

But I have been writing for prompt fills for the most part so, stay tuned for a few words. :>

I was tagged to share some writing by the amazing: @thequeenofthewinter, @dirty-bosmer, @kookaburra1701, @rainpebble3, @ladytanithia and @skyrim-forever!

Tagging: @paraparadigm, @thana-topsy (🫂), @orfeoarte, @changelingsandothernonsense, @saltymaplesyrup, @snippetsrus, @archangelsunited, @gilgamish, @throughtrialbyfire, @miraakulous-cloud-district, @nuwanders, @viss-and-pinegar, @late-nite-scholar, @greyborn2 AND YOU -- yes, you, if I've forgotten your tag, you're more than welcome to be tagged honorarily and tag me back so I can read some words >:}

For now, here's a bit from my prompt fill for Harvest -- it's from Galathil's POV and is World Canon. It happened a few years before Nyenna's story begins. Untitled so far. Below the cut! Just shy of 800 words.

Galathil felt the shift in the Ratway before the stranger’s arrival, if she was being honest with herself. There was a certain nervousness in that liminal place between solving the Mercer issue and everyone’s attempt at starting over again. And if anyone knew anything about starting over, it was her. One was never content to simply reap what they’d sown. She would not be part of the Guild, nor be seated here on a bench crafted of sodden wood in a seedy tavern under the worst possible of cities if things had gone to plan, after all.

She watched as Delvin plunked crates of fresh vegetables on the table across the room from her, his brow creased with worry. The harvest in this case would go solely to feeding the stranger who had settled into the Warrens, himself averse to the consequences of his actions— or existence. Galathil hadn’t managed to parse exactly what his trouble was, but it was enough to stir up unease. Mention of Thalmor had floated around, and, while it had made her nervous…she’d used her own power on herself long ago. It didn’t stop them from trying to find her. Her magic was rather…unique. The fear of that recognition gnawed at her in an abstract way. She would be defended against Thalmor inquiry without needing to ask for the Guild’s help, true. But then the debt would once again stack in their favor, even if they never came to collect. She still felt outside of things, despite her years settled in the damp amongst them, and despite their hospitality and their attempts at including her.

She fussed with the edge of her sleeve, though even this was going threadbare in places. She’d learned to do without, to stop accumulating social debt and asking for favors, nervous to be seen and, therefore, known. She could never outrun her crimes—the ones from before she fled. The jobs she was forced to do on pain of death for treachery. That she had made it out of Valenwood by the end at all was by the grace of one god or the next. And she had to live with what she’d done to escape, as well as just what she’d run from, and all the consequences of the path she’d chosen to walk.

That was likely why she felt so distant from most—there was a certain trepidation about what they all would think if they really knew her. It was better not to let them in, not to answer their questions with any semblance of truth. But one, of course, managed to worm his way in. And it was because he, too, carried a secret like one might carry a festering wound.

Teldryn Sero, bravado set aside for once, grit his teeth as he sat down next to her. The bench groaned in protest. He was silent for a moment, the only sound the steady clunk of chitin as he bounced his knee, agitation and nervousness palpable. His eyes were distant and dark in the poor lighting. She gently brushed her fingers over his gauntlet, and he grasped her hand. He was shaking. She knit her eyebrows and looked up at him in concern.

“They’re housing a Blade here, Galathil.” He picked his helmet up off of her table, where he’d left it before he’d gone off to assist Vex and Brynjolf with the stranger. “He knew me. He looked right at me, and I… How? How could that be possible?” He paused and closed his eyes. Galathil squeezed his hand.

She knew why he was here, then. Since the Mercer issue, he’d been distant enough, which was to be expected. He’d said once he’d never meant to get roped into cults and guilds. He wasn’t necessarily the best thief she’d ever seen, either, to be perfectly fair. He would be running again. She knew that peace was fleeting, if it even existed at all. And they had had peace, even if it was just for a moment. Consequences seemed to demand it as payment whenever they caught up.

“You can’t know for sure if he recognized you, Teldryn.”

“I can’t be sure he didn’t.” He still gripped her hand. She could see, even through the armor, the tension in his shoulders. Could hear it in his voice, too. “Galathil…please. I just. I know what I said about your skills. I know. But I’ve changed my mind. Can you help me?”

“And rid the world of a face like yours?” she asked. Her smile was wistful.

[isupplyweaponstochildren]

I wrote this for my English assessment and got an A ^.^

I forgot what the prompt was, something about a blank piece of paper taunting someone

Tw: Homophobia, violence, suicide, religion

Any constructive criticism would be appreciated. :>

Friend of Dorothy

The paper screamed at her, daring her to put ink on it. Once she begins, there would be no turning back, it will forever stain her heart. It was as permanent as getting ink poked into your skin, except more painful. She eyes the tattoo on her wrist, ‘Friend of Dorothy’. The words eat her up from the inside, tearing apart her organs and squeezing her thumping heart until it pops. If she’s able to get a permanent thing in her life like that, then she can do this. This simple decision. With a shaky breath she puts her pen on the lined paper.

‘On Thursday, the 12th of October 1972, I experienced the worst thing of my life. The image of the headlights are still seared into my mind. I can still feel the raw humidity from that night, the hair clinging to my forehead, my back covered in sweat. I can still feel her blood, hear her cries for a God that has abandoned us. Or maybe we abandoned him, maybe being a queer is a sin. If that’s a fact, then I’m going to hell anyways, so it don’t matter what I do now. The devils hunted us down, their red chariot roaring with a deafening anger. First, they hit us with the truck, sending us into the curb. Then, the men got out, wielding bats and chains. Johnny Lefkowitz, Stanley Kruff, Beau Twist and Robbert Flannagan. Bring us justice and incarcerate the boys. They made me watch as they beat her, forcing me to watch the light slowly leave her eyes. They murdered my Stacy, and for what? For being too full of love? For being the sunshine in a world full of darkness? For having the type of smile that would send the butterflies in your stomach into a frenzy and leave you breathless? The Angels sung a choir when she was born, she was single handedly bless by all the gods up above. If perfection was a person, it would be her. If I could only listen to one thing for the rest of eternity, it would be her laughter. Because her joy alone could stop wars. She was the most blessed thing to walk this earth, and without her, the world is simply empty. It is devoid of all color and joy. The birds no longer sing their songs, the insects don't buzz, there is no more laughter. It’s like a sick and twisted fate. I have forsaken someone and am now reaping the consequences. In school, when we read ‘Romeo and Juliet’, I believed they were idiotic. Who would go to those lengths just to be with someone? There is more to live for than love, a stupid romance. But now I understand. I have grown. It makes more sense now, I understand Romeo, and now I’m going to be with my Juliet again.

If you find me, I’m sorry.

-Lucile.’

The pen dances on the page with her words, like she was a conductor, and her words were her symphony. There are 171,146 words in the English language, and yet, none of them are worthy enough to describe how she felt. So it was time to show with her actions.

She places the pen down and sighs, her eyes turning to a silver object with an evil glint. She grabs the object by its cold handle, her fingers tingling with anticipation. Slowly, she brings the sharp edge up to her wrist, her skin burning with impatience. Her eyes stay fixed in one position as she glides the blade across her skin, her tattoo being sliced in half.

She lets out a soft chuckle, it didn’t hurt as much as she expected. All the grown-ups played it up to be a painful experience, both physically and emotionally, but her bruised and battered face hurt more than the cut, and losing her tether to the world and sanity weighed heavier than this. This was almost peaceful, watching the deep red blood spray out of her in spirts.

Her death was going to be poetic; it was going to be a testament to the unjust judicial system that let the boys free, a testament to the cruel world that tore her love from her too early.

[akechi-stole-my-heart]

i saw ur post abt black star right after reading it and I'd love for u to elaborate lol my biggest problem w it was Akira disliking/not forgiving akechi... like i know it was written before royal and im not even THAT big of a shuake shipper but reading akira as anything other than in love with akechi is just. Wrong. my only other problem w it was how it treated prison like the only other option for akechi besides death, and anyway akechi would have chosen death regardless. It's crazy how both of those huge flaws were disproven in royal and how they're most likely the cause for fan misinterpretation today. still a good plot and i liked the other characterizations but like. the conclusion of akechi going to jail and akira supporting that above all is just so wrong

Oh yeah Akira's feelings toward Akechi were a huge reason why I had to dnf, easily one of the worst aspects by far. And it sucks because otherwise Akira's characterization was SO good. OP understood him but they did not understand Akechi and that extended to Akira, sadly.

And yeah, the jail thing is both baffling and Bad. Akechi does not need to go to jail. Can we please stop believing in punitive justice even when it makes no sense. Akechi doesn't even get what he deserves anyway because he doesn't go on trial for most of his crimes (like, you know, the murder) and then he gets off easy getting to join the shadow ops months into his sentence. After all that set up about him needing to get what he deserves/justice being served only for that to Very Much Not Happen. Because if Akechi DID get what he "deserved" under our justice system he'd get life in prison at best. It's hypocritical.

Possibly my biggest gripe other than the stupid insistence that Akechi go to jail is Akechi's characterization, though. It's alllll wrong. And like, to be fair, it was kind of impossible to know that it was wrong at the time because Royal hadn't come out yet. In black star Akechi is portrayed as absolutely, 100% unremorseful and gets angry at the idea of having to pay for his crimes. Which just. isn't. in character for him.

I kind of went into this with my recent post about Akechi and regrets, but there's another aspect this take on Akechi is completely missing. And that's Akechi and debts. He absolutely recognizes that what he did is wrong. He did it despite knowing it was wrong. But his reaction isn't going to be "how dare you suggest I turn myself in." It's going to be "I should be in jail already and I will do my best to repay my debts as far as I am able." Not in a guilty sort of way (at least outwardly), but a pragmatic one. There's a reason Akechi turns himself in for you, and it's not just about making Shido pay. It's about making things right, both to Joker and the world in general.

Akechi thinks of justice in extremely punitive terms. If you do wrong, you deserve to have wrongs done to you in turn. This applies to both others and himself. It's what leads him to his actions, and why he willingly sacrificed himself and then later turns himself in. It's why he hates the idea of being granted mercy in Maruki's reality. In his eyes, he doesn't deserve anything more than death and/or prison. He hurt people, and so now it's time for him to reap the consequences.

The author of black star has it completely backwards. Akechi's arc shouldn't be learning that he needs to face consequences. He wants to face consequences. He wants to die/go to jail because he thinks he's worthless and doesn't deserve anything better. That's his starting point of any post-canon arc. Giving him jail time is giving him exactly what he wants.

Personally, I think punitive justice as a concept is complete bullshit. I'm not gonna get into the nitty gritty of that here. But my point stands regardless--and whether you believe in punitive justice or not, objectively the more interesting direction to take an Akechi redemption is to force him to live life to the fullest. That is unironically the worst punishment you could give him. Force him to face the consequences of living when he thinks he should be dead, of going through the painful and difficult process of recovery, and being forced to interact with and reconcile with the people he hurt after acknowledging that hurt not pragmatically, but personally.

I don't want to read a story about Akechi learning to accept that he has to go to jail. it's stupid, out of character, and counter to my core values as a person. That's why I stopped reading black star. I want to see Akechi learning to live. To me, that is a far more in-character and interesting concept to explore.

[sailtomarina]

HPFWG's 2024 Point-of-View Workshop, Day 5

Day 1, Day 2, Day 3, Day 4, Day 5

In 400 words or less, write a Drabble using outsider pov, epistolary, narrator as a character, reader insert, or choose your own adventure.

Bonus: Use at least two different POVs (first, second, and third person limited, omniscient, or objective) OR use dramatic irony to show something the reader understands that the narrator/POV character does not.

You peek out from behind the bookshelf to where he sits at the corner table hidden from most of the outer room. Draco has changed since you last saw him with his parents after the Battle, the three of them huddled together covered with dirt and blood. They’d looked lost and afraid. Now he’s back like all the others in your class to re-do their last year at Hogwarts. 

It’s supposed to be a second chance, a supposed path to recovery, but from what you’ve seen so far for the Slytherins is the exact opposite. They’re ridiculed. Ostracised. They are reaping the consequences of their actions whether or not they’d been on the losing side. Draco is the prime target for anyone with a grudge, and you can’t even say he doesn’t deserve it. 

Still, you watch him and wish for a different outcome. You’ve always liked his wit and intellect. How he looks in a Quidditch kit fresh after practise helps, too.

”You might as well sit if you’re going to keep staring, L/N,” he says without looking up.

”Am I bothering you?” You tentatively take the seat in front of him.

”Better you stare at me and I know about it then you do so behind my back.” Now he sits up, the light grey of his eyes muted within hollowed cavities that betray his exhaustion. “You at least don’t seem like you want to kill me.”

You bite your lip as you ponder how to reply. You could say something encouraging, but he’d probably take it as pity. 

”I’ve always liked you,” you admit, bracing yourself for the worst.

His eyes widen, then he laughs, the sound of it as much surprised as it is bitter. “And now?”

You lean forward to catch his eye, wanting your feelings to come across as genuine as possible. “I still want to know you now just as much as I did before. Maybe even more.”

Draco eyes search yours for the lie, but seems to see nothing as the tension in his shoulders loosen. For the first time in a long time he smiles, the light of it reaching his eyes, and it’s all for you. “Well then, Y/N, do you want to go over our Runes assignment?”

Your heart soars at the invitation. Maybe there’s hope for friendship yet. In the future? Only time will tell.

399 WC

Reader-insert

Again, another pov I never, ever use, even though I do enjoy reading it from others. I've been curious about this style for a while now, but have been hesitant to attempt until this workshop. Who knows, I might do more if the mood strikes or ppl let me know they like it.

[zalrb]

more unpopular kate/kathony (kanthony?) opinions! - bridgerton 2.07 review

1. I’m watching this like, wow Edwina doesn’t get a happy ending. Hell, even in the Directors’ Cut of LOTR, Eowyn gets with Faramir!

2. Oh great, is Kate going to masturbate to the memory of her kissing Anthony the Mouse?

3. She looks so stiff in that kiss though.

4. Yes.

5. This entire situation reminds me of this part of Poor Unfortunate Souls

6. They’re so going to change the lyrics in the live action. Anyway, off-topic.

7. And Kate just looks annoyed that Edwina won’t talk to her rather than contrite.

8. I just find the Bridgerton family extremely annoying.

9. “Reputation! Reputation!” Oh my god, Anthony is a man, he’ll be FINE.

10. “I give credit to your imagination, Miss Danbury, a bigger story I cannot foresee.” Lmao, maybe don’t speak, Kate?

11. AND THEY GAZE AT EACH OTHER ACROSS THE PROMENADE BECAUSE THEY ARE IN LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOVE.

12. Even though Edwina is right there and all of the ton is watching because looooooooooooooooooooove.

13. I just don’t have time for Olitz-like ships.

14. This Eloise scene is long.

15.  “A ball.” Ha, Edwina’s eye roll, she deserves her own show.

16. NOW THAT ANTHONY IS NO LONGER LIVING A LIE, THE DOG FINDS HIM SUITABLE AND DOGS ARE GREAT JUDGES OF CHARACTER. TRUE LOVE WILL ALWAYS SET YOU FREE.

17. Lmao, sorry, I find this love story insufferable.

18. omg guyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyys, he just can’t HELP but stare at her

19. I just feel like Edwina deserves to do the Regency version of this to Anthony

20. Their love and attraction is SO POWERFUL that they’ll have to stay on OTHER SIDES OF THE ROOM DURING THE BALL.

21. Ugh.

22. I don’t know if I can live through another Kathony dance.

23. Derry Girls Clare should just be Belle.

24. Mouse Man Mouse Man

25. HE GOT A WHIFF OF HER PERFUME AND NOW HE IS IN HEAVEN, RELISHING THE SCENT OF HER.

26. And this is the other thing too, Kate is extremely passive. Like, OK Edwina doesn’t want to talk to her but if she’s supposed to want her happiness more than anything, if this is supposed to be killing her inside, then at least try to make amends but she’s just standing around looking wooden and maybe sometimes catching Anthony’s eye.

27. Oh jesus christ are eloise and whatshisface going to kiss now that they’re arguing?

28. No. Good.

29.

I mean has it though?

30. “I am reaping the consequences of destroying it” girl, you’re masturbating in bed. Like just be HONEST.

31.  “Happy endings do not exist, Kate” well, not for you, Edwina, but they will for her.

32. Anthony is so fucking shameless.

33. “We should be ashamed of what we did” and there’s going to be a speech about how he’s not ashamed or how she’s not ashamed, a Delena “I’m not sorry” speech. I don’t care.

34. WHY is Colin a character? WHAT DOES HE DO.

35. He gives sooooooooooo much more than she does. He carries them, honestly.

35. Oh yes, sniping and arguing, which is just their foreplay. I’m bored. We’ve done this already.

36. Yes, yes, consume

I feel like the only time I’ve ever been like I get it, they didn’t even use the world consume

37. Oh they do make him do the “Do you think I want to be in this position” McDreamy “DO YOU THINK I WANT TO LOOK AT YOU”  the more they drag this out, the more impatient I become and not in the way they want.  I feel like Garrett from Superstore but instead of affair it’s get together

38. Anthony: I’ve lived my life for my family. Kate: OMG SAME. Me

I had to see it. All I’ve seen is both of you complain.

39. I don’t think a stylized sex scene worked here but that’s just a personal preference, if they’re all like “YOU CONSUME ME” “I CAN’T ESCAPE YOU” “I LIVE FOR MY FAMILY LET’S LIVE FOR OURSELVES” and they kiss and he fingers her then he’s all i’ll stop and she’s like don’t, I want to see/hear the frenzy, the heavy breathing, I want it to seem as organic as possible, like I would want a Shameless sex scene at least at first and then they can do the stylistic one during round 2 or something

40. KATE. I’M SICK OF THIS.

You fucked him. OWN IT. Because I don’t find the “journey” to her just allowing herself to be happy well executed at all because they don’t delve into Kate (or any of the characters) enough for this to be anything other than by-the-numbers and superficial so this just comes across as disingenuous and that’s the other problem with stylized sex scenes, they’re deliberate and don’t give off the impression of impulsivity or the heat of the moment so I’m just like IT’S TOO LATE FOR THIS.

41. This is why I like Cersei-like characters they just fucking own it.

42. AND ANTHONY IS SUCH. A DICK.

43. OH NO, SHE’S GALLOPING IN THE RAIN.

44. Lmao, I am not watching anything Bridgerton EVER again.

45. It’s done.

[kokokerome]

Frankly speaking, you aren’t the victim here. You got caught stealing designs belonging to Miorjah and even other people, simplifying them or changing the species, and then trying to sell them. Even if it wasn’t Miorjah you did this to, ANY artist would have had issues with that and made a callout against you because this behavior is unacceptable on all fronts.

The people supporting you, if there actually are any and not just you patting your own ass via the anon feature to spread your own biased hate which you’ve been caught doing in the past, either don’t understand the full scope of what you did or are biased against Miorjah to not care enough about something that the art community as a whole hates. This isn’t about what Miorjah did. This is about you being a thief and trying to clap back once you were called out, which just makes you look MORE guilty.

Furthermore, it’s REALLY fucking creepy that you stole Miorjah’s sona (your Lily) and Miorjah’s sona’s partner (the black wolf) and are now planning to use them as YOUR sonas. Actual freak behavior, for real. You come across as a really unhealthily obsessed fan who went off the shits because you got slighted by the person you idolized and became a creeper towards, and it’s not a good look for you. Your whole obsession with femboys and drawing characters that look female but have dicks is also hella fetishistic and reeks of fujoshi behavior. Wouldn’t surprise me if you call refer to yourself as male while still listing yourself as female just because you have a gay fetish and want to be an “uwu soft gay femboi” because of your fetish.

You think you can fool people but that TH account you claim belongs to your boyfriend got closed because it shared an IP address with you and logged in 30 seconds after your main did. It wasn’t your boyfriend at all. You created another alt to continue to harass the artist after your first alt got sacked, this time even going as far as to throw racist slurs at people! That isn’t okay or any form of acceptable behavior from anyone, let alone someone trying to run an art business and appear professional. You have not been professional through any of this. Now you’re reaping the consequences of your own ill mannered actions which you are STILL refusing to take accountability and responsibility for. The only person responsible for your downfall is you because of what you’ve done.

You are seriously creepy and wholly unhinged. In the nicest way possible, seek professional help and maybe get offline until you can draw your own content without stealing from others. The art community as a whole abhors people like you.

PS, I am not a Miorjah fan. I only found out about them due to this whole fiasco on Toyhouse. I don’t care for them, but I care even less for you.

i didnt read this all cause its hypocritical. Your anon too my guy.

But I didn't steal Lily or Damien. I don't know how to tell y'all that miorjah doesn't own the idea of white unicorns and wolves.

[jjungkooksthighs]

Now now, don't call me a brat, dear alpha. I'm only challenging you. I don't see how that's misbehaving. If I was misbehaving, trust me, it would be a lot worse. And I have a number of questions, which i think you should, and will fucking answer, because it's not misbehaving, its mere curiosity. There never was a 'rule' as such that you set which required me to not challenge you, or ask questions, was there? So how the fuck does it even qualify as misbehaving? Also, who says I'm running? *smirks* I'm sitting right here. Even if I were running, you think you'd be able to catch me, alpha? Not one fucking chance.

_________

I'm relieved to know that the post went be taken down. Also, yes, I am scrolling through your blog ;) I love love love every work of yours and can't wait for even the tiniest bit of your writing. Hence the constant asks. Cause I love love loveee it.

@cocjungkook, pls go easy on me. I think I'm gonna die here.🥴Just testing my limits, cause, well, it's fun. (Don't tell him I said this though. I'm in my grave already)

Do not curse at your alpha. The only time you’re allowed to do that is when I’m fucking you senseless and you’re not capable of saying anything else.

If I say you’re misbehaving, you’re fucking misbehaving. You can tell me you’re challenging me all you wish, but it won’t save you from the punishment that is coming for you.

You’ve been nothing but a little bitch the past few days and I’m fed up with it.

You know, deep down, that what you’re doing is wrong. It’s why you haven’t even tried to run. You want me to tie you down and show you what happens when you want to act like a little brat.

I won’t answer to your pleas. I won’t answer your cries. The only thing I’ll respond to is your moans while I make you watch me fuck into my hand and groan your name aloud.

You’ll be helpless, as you should be, because I’m going to put that diadem and bracelets made of silver that I crafted for you all over your wrists, your ankles and your head.

You’ll be numb all over since it is silver that makes us weak. And weak is all you will be when you sit there and think about your gross misconduct to your alpha whilst I rut into the furs I’ve given you that will be sprawled across my bed.

You’ll cry for me. You’ll whimper for me, but I will not let you free.

You’ll get to watch me play with myself… fuck myself… over and over. But you’ll never get to touch me, no matter how much you whine.

And when you can’t handle it anymore, when you’ve dripped from under your clothes, I’ll make you finish me with your mouth. You’ll show me not with your words, but with your actions just how sorry you are.

And if you don’t… if you want to keep playing this silly fucking game, I’ll throw you to the floor until you’re on all fours. You’ll be filled with my cock in one hole and my fingers in another. You’ll suck my fingers until I feel you tighten around me. And once that happens, I’ll stop moving.

I won’t let you cum. And I certainly won’t breed you. You only earn the privilege of carrying my seed if you give yourself completely and entirely to me. Just as you promised during the Offering Ceremony.

This is what it means to piss off your alpha. You can reap the consequences.

[ellemusing-it]

Languid Steps of an Undead Soul

it feels as though i am already dead. dead inside, like i am digging my own grave. whatever once drove me to be a person now seems like a retired scheme. my eyes feel heavy, sunken with a desperate call for sleep and rest. how long have i been awake, really? how long have i been frying the last of my brain cells, trying to keep pace with the ever-growing world and my own development? it sounds promising, but it isn't. i am already dead, albeit feeding on allegorical drugs, addiction, and all those distractions that keep me from truly living.

what is it like to run with a purpose, a sense of direction? am i always full of words but never actions, consumed with thoughts but forever immobilized? how do people who are so burdened with everything in their lives seem to walk fast? why does it feel like an arrow of slow rigidity has struck me in the back, making me so slow to walk, slow to move, slow to live? as fast as my thoughts race, kilometers or miles per nanosecond, i tread through life slowly, half-willingly, half-unwantedly. it seems like i have run out of hats to wear.

i wish i still had that personality where i was wide-eyed, ready to pounce on whatever life handed me. i wish i had the sage-like mind where i still dreamed and danced with the world at my feet. i wish i still had a connection with the author who writes my story, who guides my fate, and to whom i call out. desperate times call for desperate measures. i know everything happening in my life, be it a test or unrest, has a reason. maybe i need to be here again, in this 'hello darkness, my old friend' situation, to seek out spirituality.

but i don't know, i really don't. maybe i am now reaping the consequences of my 'gaining-esoteric-wisdom-from-fucking-around-and-finding-out.' i wish i had my spark back. you know that internal feeling when you're in a low vibrational mode, the one that you know might spill onto others? i am supposed to influence, not spread an infection or something.

cruel summer, indeed. a lot of heartbreaks, lessons, trust issues, lies, sin, guilty pleasures—it feels like you're already dead in a game that replays over and over to make you feel included, but there's nothing you can do. i'm so tired of being tired, of being sad, of feeling nothing, of feeling blue. i'm so tired of regulating, encompassing, sharing, ranting, or trying to reel it off me, because i really don't know what to do. i'm so tired of reliving visions or fever dreams, of being so caught up in my problems that i can't seem to be functional or productive in the real world.

how does one begin to make up for lost time? being in your 20s is the most drugged-down feeling of all time—finding yourself, distinguishing reality from dreams, and learning to make your dreams a reality. no regrets is what i miss most, but all i have right now are loads and loads of them. at this moment, i am just a slave to my own vision, going kahoots on a bewitching feeling of confusion.

[vinceleemiller]

Turn Your Confusion Into Clarity | 1 Samuel 6:13-16

Here is something you should always do when walking into a confusing season.

Welcome to the Daily Devo. I am Vince Miller.

This week, we are reading 1 Samuel 6. I've titled this chapter "From Confusion to Clarity."

In chapter 6, after enduring the consequences of holding the Ark of God for seven months—plagued by both the Black Plague and severe hemorrhoids—the Philistines decided they couldn't bear it any longer. Their solution was to send the Ark back. They placed it on a cart led by a couple of milk cows and watched as it returned to Israel. Here's what unfolds next in verses 13-16:

Now the people of Beth-shemesh were reaping their wheat harvest in the valley. And when they lifted up their eyes and saw the ark, they rejoiced to see it. The cart came into the field of Joshua of Beth-shemesh and stopped there. A great stone was there. And they split up the wood of the cart and offered the cows as a burnt offering to the Lord. And the Levites took down the ark of the Lord and the box that was beside it, in which were the golden figures, and set them upon the great stone. And the men of Beth-shemesh offered burnt offerings and sacrificed sacrifices on that day to the Lord. And when the five lords of the Philistines saw it, they returned that day to Ekron. — 1 Samuel 6:13-16

Intriguing Details

This is a pretty interesting moment. The Philistines are satisfied with returning the Ark of God, and the Israelites are also satisfied with its return.

But there are four details worth noting:

The five kings of Philistine followed behind the Ark of God the entire way back to Israel.

The town it comes to is called Beth-Shemesh, the closest Israelite town.

The cows stop at a great stone, which they took as a divine sign that God wanted a sacrifice to be made.

They strip down the cart and sacrifice the animals as burnt offerings right there on the spot.

Then the five kings return.

But the most intriguing detail was the town it came to: Beth-Shemesh. This town was not just any Israelite town; it was the home of the priestly tribe, the Levites. This tribe should have been especially careful in following Torah guidelines regarding the proper treatment of the Ark of God. However, in the coming verse, we see that in their excitement, they will fail to adhere to the appropriate care of the Ark of God (Num 4:15, 1 Chr 15:11–15).

Strict Obedience

When we seek clarity in confusion, we must commit ourselves to strict obedience to God.

The priesthood, led by Eli and his sons, Hophni and Phinehas, had strayed. Their sinful actions led to the capture of the Ark of God. After its return, we would have expected Israel and the priesthood to repent and resume strict adherence to the Law's customs during the seven months that followed. However, as we will see in the coming verses, they drifted too far. Pain and punishment were about to become their harsh teachers.

Our Strict Obedience

If you are going through a confusing time in your life, let the wisdom of these Scriptures train you. It's essential to make every effort to obey God strictly. Nothing makes a confusing situation worse than sinful reactions; it only brings unnecessary attention to yourself and your sin. So, if you are facing a difficult divorce, recent layoff, financial crisis, or family conflict, stop making stupid and sinful choices. Instead, strive to be as strictly obedient in this season as possible. Seek the wisdom you need in the Word of God and only make right and righteous decisions. This will prevent further complications and bring clarity to your confusion.

If this happens to be you today. Here's a prayer for you today:

God, give me clarity in my time of confusion. May my actions and reactions be in strict alignment with your Word and ways. Amen.

#ClarityThroughObedience #SeekingGodsWisdom #FromConfusionToClarity

Ask This:

How can we maintain strict obedience to God's Word in the midst of confusion or challenging circumstances in our own lives?

Reflecting on the story of Beth-shemesh and their response to the Ark's return, what steps can we take to ensure our reactions to God's interventions align with His will and bring clarity rather than confusion?

Do This:

Be obedient in seasons of confusion.

Pray This:

Father, grant me the strength to obey Your Word diligently in times of uncertainty, seeking clarity and wisdom in every decision I make. Guide my steps and actions to reflect Your will, bringing honor to Your name and peace to my heart. Amen.

Play This:

Clarity.

Check out this episode!

[dissect-my-brain]

I am honestly surprised I still have so much emotion in me after this going on for a full year.

He's completely given up and wants to die and ig he's in luck becuz based on how things r going, death is right around the corner.

I'm angry. After all the bullshit he pulled and all the utter shit he put everyone thru, he now decides to just lay there and give up. All those long drunk monologs over nvr giving up and nvr dying that I sat thru. Means nothing now.

I know this is karma catching up to him. But why do I have to face the consequences of *his* actions? I did nothing. I was a child. I was a teenager. And now I am an adult still reaping what *he* sow.

After all the years I spent of my childhood and teenage years keeping him alive and now I have to sit here and wonder if it was all worth it. Would it have been better if I had just let him die? Let him walk into the road those late nights drunk as hell telling me he wanted to die? Or maybe I should have just bitten the bullet and called the cops on him and let them take him away and dealth with child services. There were so many outs I could have taken but at the same time, I couldn't. I cared too much. I had my kids to think abt and I had too much to think abt that would have been affected.

I was a child.

None of that matters now tho becuz now I have to contemplate how he's going to stay alive. The difference is now I'm taking myself into consideration. I can't just let him die like this. It will haunt me and destroy my mental state and I just can't do that to myself. I feel selfish for saying that but after spending my entire life only thinking abt others and seeing how it's affected me, I have to change that.

He hasn't eaten in 4 days now, he stopped taking his pain medication and all he does is sleep. It pisses me off.

In this moment that I'm typing this out, I have 20 minutes left before I have to wake him up and force the medication down. I told him I'd give him an hour to sleep before I came back upstairs and made him take his medication and that hour is almost up.

I don't let things go. And I'm not letting this go. I refuse to let him sit there and rot. I don't care what he wants becuz it's no longer up to him. This is what I've been doing for years and I'm not stopping now. I'm not even sad anymore. I'm angry.