#i am just a little drunk and feeling sad we didnt get more of ashley who if we're to take simon's word and affection

[strawberrywindow]

lamenting over us never getting to see ashley as anything more than a romantic figure in SIMON'S life, which is of no fault or malice of his own. she was a colleague he had a crush on and there's something beautiful about that crush lasting some hundred odd years through the brain scan debacle that ensues. but there's also something tragic in us never getting to know her outside of that.

AKA i'm replaying the game for the umpteenth time and feeling sad that the only times we see her are in simon's initial nightmare of the car crash and in the coral mind dream when there was so much more to ashley's personhood than what we're shown 🥲🥲🥲

this also isn't meant as a diss to the storytelling bc i think its quite intentional this is what they did with her but it still makes me sad. the remnants of what is left of people is a big theme of the game and what is left of this girl who had a full life of her own cut short being relegated to simon's sweetheart is both incredibly moving and heartbreaking for different reasons 🤧

[100percentjazzedtomeetyou]

THIS IS SO LONG I’M SORRY

*There are many spoilers in here for Pitch Perfect 3 ok*

Here's some thoughts from me fresh out the cinema that I'll probably feel were too emotional and incorrect after a while as I always do, but here we go...

***Warning, this got really long! ALSO A THOUSAND SPOILERS***

Let’s start this off by saying that it wasn’t a bad film. Not at all. Was it amazing, maybe not, but I had fun watching it and i’ll see it again, and i’ll buy the dvd and i’ll continue to listen to the soundtrack and love everyone who was in it, because they’re beautiful, wonderful people who were amazing in it and fought really hard to get the movie how it is.

First of all it didn’t really feel like a finale, especially one that was supposed to be about them being a family, (YES I KNOW THEY SAID THEY WERE A FAMILY AND OTHER PEOPLE SAID THEY WERE A FAMILY LIKE 20 TIMES, but they didn’t show it like they really did in the past two films in my opinion) like they had like 2 and a half scenes where they actually all spoke to each other and about life. There were really sweet interactions by people we don’t usually get the see interact, and i’m glad they carried on the beca/amy friendship, because that was lovely to see in the second one, but like, and i know i’m a bechloe shipper so i’m biased here, but beca and chloe didn’t really interact at all, neither did chloe and aubrey (DID CHLOE AND AUBREY ACTUALLY SPEAK TO EACH OTHER???i can’t even remember) and so much of the other films had a lot in about their friendship, the second one especially, and now i’m thinking back to this one and wondering if they even had a one to one conversation other than the boob grab (which was shorter than the trailer one ugh) and Beca calling her ‘sweetie’ in their apartment, which came off 98% less sarcastic than when she calls theo ‘honey’ later on which i loved.

The editing felt kinda heavy handed to me, like they had to put in all these silly effects around chloe and chicago stuff to make it overly obvious to us that she liked him. And cut to him and theo so so often i actually started rolling my eyes at it, because it made it look like chloe and chicago had been dating for years when at that point they didn’t even know anything about each other. Like, i’m not one to say no to watching chloe be all bashful and bite her lip and play with her hair, but it seems like exactly what Kendrick said she didn’t let them put in for Beca, the tripping over her feet kinda crushing, was put on chloe instead. And chloe is the confident, sexual, ‘i get what i want’ kinda girl who literally barged into someone’s shower because she liked the way they sang. This chloe didn’t make sense to me. She doesn’t even know anything about the guy other than his name and she’s talking about commitment. (Like okay, that scene was funny and Brittany was amazing in it and, like i said i love a flustered chloe because she’s adorable and it was like all the fics where she acts like that around beca, but it felt really strange in this position) Chicago just showed up, said a few things that didn’t really matter and we were supposed to be all the way in for their relationship. Like, a relationship storyline wasn’t necessary at all. It was actually more distracting than anything else, i’d rather have no relationships at all. The bellas and their friendship is all we need.

I felt like you could tell more than one person wrote the script and you can tell it was changed a lot. The lack of chemistry i felt was between chloe and chicago was actually funny and maybe that’s why they made chloe be extra lusty, ditsy, flirty and add those slow motion and sound effects......... And interestingly to me or hilariously so, in a sad way, chloe and Chicago and beca and theo are filmed/edited so similarly, other than the weird slow mo chloe stuff, yet one is absolutely not gonna happen and one does and it's so heavy handed and they're so similar that neither of them really work. (That credits scene felt stupid to me, the only reason it was okay was that we didn’t get to really gauge beca’s reaction to it, but it wasn’t overly positive i don’t think) I also hated that beca and theo still came across all flirty, because it was similar to how she was with jesse, but at least they didnt happen. I am so glad Kendrick fought so hard for it, because I actually don’t think I would sit through the film again if they had. I’d just download my favourite scenes and make a whole other movie out of it for myself to enjoy. HEY THAT’S WHAT FANFIC IS FOR.

On to bechloe for a bit i guess,

The thing with bechloe was that it was always just fun for me, they’re fun movies and an amazing cast that I loved for shipping the characters as well as us, understanding the importance and never making fun of us (and they still don’t, see brittany’s build interview for recent stuff and kendrick all the damn time). We had (and still have OF COURSE) our own little community and we didn't really have to think about what it would mean to us for it to be canon because we never ever thought it would be! I never ever imagined it could be canon until they started really leaning into it. And when the ads started well that was just too much.

It just became a marketing ploy for a movie where the couple barely speak to each other. The film wasn't even really about the bellas, not really.

I don't know. Maybe I would have enjoyed it so much more and not picked up on all the stuff i’m saying if I didn't feel like I'd been played the whole time leading up to it. Even yesterday with the ads saying 'will bechloe ever happen'.... No wonder the ads are full of clips from the old movies, because they don't really interact in this one at all. It was the type a example of queerbaiting and i really hate them for that.

I'm sure I'll watch it again and have different thoughts and again, it wasn't not enjoyable, I just felt like the baiting without any intention for them to at least be sweet to each other throughout the film and talk to each other was extra extra wrong, and actually having a canon love interest for chloe all the while doing this..... it’s really not okay. And there must have been a hell of a lot cut for the way the cast was talking and why did they have to stay in the giant water tank for two days when there was literally ten seconds of them in the water I don't understand.

Anyway, I was there for the bellas and I don't feel like I got them. It was funny yes, it really was and i smiled throughout most of it. The baiting just dampened it a lot for me.

NOW LET ME BE MORE POSITIVE - here’s some things i liked:

- AMY WAS BADASS, really, i’ll watch a bellas action movie anytime - there was more aubrey and she was funny and cute - background jessica and ashley was adorable and some of the actual best hilarious one liners/moments comes from jessica which is amazing - THE MUSIC WAS SO GREAT -OMG THE DANCING WAS INCREDIBLE LIKE HOWWww - little drunk chloe in the bg of aubrey talking about the USO tour was adorable - the fact that chloe gives speeches like those all the time and the bellas roll their eyes at her everytime but you know they all secretly love it - the off hand comment about there having been a sexual encounter between some bellas (by chloe, probably including chloe) ‘one time’ is the stuff dreams (fics) are made of - kendrick looked so good, like extra good - chrissie got to sing more which makes me happy - emily still felt like emily and she GOT A HAMSTER (aca-child is overwhelmed by hamster) - beca telling theo he looks like a turtle - the other performers in the tour were awesome, really awesome - kendrick is super gay in the riff off - cynthia rose got to say the word gay which was cool - there were def some bechloe glances that will make wonderful gifs (not enough tho) - lilly (/ester) got an okay amount of screentime and we got to hear her speak properly finally even if only for a few seconds - the scenes with all the bellas in were actually beautiful and funny and made me feel good  - also the stacey baby thing was the most cliche, but adorable and i’ll admit i got a couple of goosebumps at that cliche, sweet, loving naming moment

In conclusion, the film was fun. The bellas were great in it. They kinda forgot about all the other characters other than the men after the riff off which was stupid because they were so much more interesting and charismatic and musicians, which the films are supposed to be focused on... Couldn’t the film have focussed more on the tour and them working and fighting for their place, i get that that’s the plot of the others, but that’s what they do and it wasn’t broke so why try and fix it

I do not want to take away from anyone's performance because they were wonderful. Kendrick was amazing and so sweet and gay and it felt right for beca for the most part, you could see the character development. The rest were not given enough time really. I know most of us were there because we care about these characters and not getting a chance to hear them speak and get to know them a little better because thats what the films have been about so far was sad. It still feels open ended to me. It doesn't feel like it was wrapped up. I don't know anything more about any of them really. I don't know. Again, I didn't hate it, I didn't even dislike it. What I dislike, what I feel really emotional about, is how they exploited us, how hard Kendrick had to fight for bechloe and for beca to be who she should be in this film, something that should be so obvious. And how little time we got to see our bellas be bellas. it had a really different feel to the other films, and i hope that i watch it again and feel differently because i wanted so much to love it and i was so nervous going in. 

 It all just feels a little strange, maybe that’s just because it’s supposedly the end and it doesn’t feel like it should be at all. I can’t wait to be all over those dvd extras and am hopeful for another Kendrick book where she can tell it all.

THANK YOU to the cast and crew and everyone. This isn’t the end, i’m writing like 3 bechloe fics as we speak and the community of amazing people and artists and writers who make me laugh and cry and grow to love these characters more and more each day will still be here and i am so happy about that. Thank you to rebel and brittany and kendrick for how they’ve spoken about bechloe especially, it really means more than i think they know. AND TO EVERYONE ELSE IN THE CAST I LOVE YOU SM.

I have to stop now, but i may update after i see it again. This is a little in the heat of the moment.

If you’ve made it through my 2000+ words of mess then i thank you and also apologise to you.

bye. 

[bluebirdzykaysies]

5.14 - day before momma leaves

Goddamnit I hate to admit it but I’m already thinking and crying like a baby in my head once my mom leaves me to go back home to sf. the feeling is mutual like melissa said cause she’ll probably be just as a wreck and all this time I’ve been spending with her, I’m cherishing even more. I’ve never felt like this and Victoria said the same thing; expecting that while I transition. But everyone needs to experience this. I DO, especially. I need the time away for a bit to miss them and I already miss those interactions with my brothers too of just lounging in the living room watching NBA games all night, or youtube videos like its judyslife or ustheduo.

Our lives have changed already and itll be so hard as I am bawling my eyes out, sitting in my newly mounted dining table my mom and I put together, facing outwards my window with the Chicago sun, beaming through at a whopping 54 degrees.

This is my life now, I will be on my own and making decisions on my own. Ive told a few folks that I’m sad yet annoyed my moms time here was a bit much. But I know it was perfect for what it is. We’ve been tired each and everytime, her actions speak volumes and our conversations arent as deep as I want, but I know this quality time was one that will impact my life forever. Even though I hate to admit it or will say this to her face. i love my mom. so much, she means so much to me and my brothers. The amount of things she does unselfishly aka drive my freaking car with just her and hector for 5 days cross country. do what she did to make me help settle, there is no one like her. and I will forever appreciate her and love her.

She is opinionated and still felt like I couldnt decide for myself but this will be also a time where I speak up and use my voice. Saying NO.

ugh the tears keep falling down but some highlights from this past week were:

- Silly vlog videos that I actually may put together when I get the time

- 5/6; arrived - went to container store to buy my elfa shelving for my closet. Super nice lady that worked there Hector spoke to. Went to world market to check out their furniture and standing mirrors. TJ Maxx/HomeGoods and picked up some bathroom essentials, shower curtain, mats and beddings, Facetimed Yan/Ronz/Brent+Rick at night (10pm CST) 

Mom stayed with Hector at Courtyard Marriot til Saturday 5/8. So I wanted to stay at the apartment for the first time alone and enjoy the moment and soak it all in. Parking at my garage alone, randomly waking up to the SUNRISE at 545am and just being in awe of my new city... I could just cry

Didn’t get my wifi set up yet so the struggle was real a bit. The air mattress we got from costco has been tough to sleep on but eventually Ill get my mattress. Just have been torn with my furniture not being here since everything was rushed and happened so quickly. Learnings from the move thus far:

-Write a damn list, I DID NOT. Aka thats why a bunch of junk and unnecessary things were with my mom and hector in the car. All couldve been bought here. I ocouldve taken more clothes and shoes

-Alot of my clothes aka my favorite jean jacket and pink/mauve henley was left at home. My running shoes - I decided not to prioritize idk fucking why *rolls eyes* and alot of my other valuables. Brendan is nice enough to ship it. Its not worth to buy a RT flight and go there and take it all back with me... no. :( I would though tbh if I was in LA. lol make couple trips but I’m far enough that its like.... whewww is it worth but one day I will come back and visit. For now, its slated for Oct

5/7 Friday; I had it off started the day late at 12pm and booked my mom, hector and myself tickets to the skydeck. my mom was HILARIOUS, she was scared at first and thought it would be a huge platform to see under but once she saw its just a small piece of glass over 105 floors, it wasnt THAT bad. Her and hector are hilarious together and annoying a little LOL. but I guess they’re cute

Went to Wrigley Field while there was a game and that was an experience. Fans at the top of their houses, Security all over the block, streets closed, fans everywhere. Its such a historical building in the middle of a freaking neighborhood so it made itself unique vs att/oracle park being so secluded down in mission bay.

RPM Steak for dinner in River North. Valet’d the car and Hector treated us to a Missouri Steak? it was bomb though but I wanted Medium and he wanted medium rare... cream of spinach, mac and cheese, asparagus and for dessert topped with a Baked Alaskan. Whatever that is. (It was good) and my first time trying it.. me and mom. Our waitor was a nice lady in her 30s, gave me tori kelly vibes. Then another worker stopped by our table who looked filipino for sure (Rox’s ex Dennis look a like) but I already for got his name. He told us how he lived in West Town too and would eat at this bomb restaurant called “Uncle Mikes” maybe the ‘superstar’ of chicago :) hectors jokes were a bit much saying climbing up the coconut tree and asking if he can make halo halo in the back for dessert. No sir....

5/8 Saturday; Plan was to visit Macys downtown to check out furniture at around 930am. But they werent open til 11am. We checked out the Bean at Millenium Park and my mom got to see all the tulips and flowers. We waited in line for a while at Stans Donuts since Wildberry was just too WILD and packed, so we walked a block down and had ourselves some coffee and donuts for the day. After we headed to Macys and were greeted by a tall man name Hilary. he’s THEEE BEST. he knew we didnt have to buy anything from him at macys but he’s such a sales guy and has been in this business for so long that he kept tlaking about Quality of furniture and making yourself feel comfy and at home. Being in a small apt, or living out alone for the first time, separating each section once winter hits so you’re not bored out of your mind in the small place. He was so friendly and nice, I took his business card. Went to Ashley’s on the way to the airport and got gas. Feel in love with the small dinette table they had but the one I’m sitting on now I feel like is just perfect. Soletren couch will forever be out of stock and I will never let this go :( honestly dont know how itll fit in my door but i guess i will settle for something reasonable and decent in size

IVE BEEN SPENDING SO MUCH MONEY. . . . . . . I cant even. I got paid today so todays check will be sponsoring all of my credit card funds. Gna just pay it off in full so I dont have to deal with it. But going forward a budget will be set. and luckily some of the things I bought work can reimburse so I’ll do expenses sunday perhaps.

Saturday evening after dropping off hector, we did errands in the suburbs and went to a walmart. a bit ghetto lookin but its fine. Decided to go to costco after but had an incidentn with this white man who bumped my car and didnt apologize. I was going to say something but we’re so far out in the suburbs Idk what the hell he wouldve done to me. And if they’re racist out there. took the long way home and it was prob not through the safest neighbor hoods but my mom didnt have to know since traffic on the freeway was just ALOT. omg and the roads are just so bumpy, my poor car. Becca said she has a guy at a shop her family always goes to so hopefuully I wont need him but just nice to know the option is there.

Went to the costco up by roscoe village and bought food and more essentials like medicine i have a whole pharmacy.  again throughout all this, my mom is the MVP. I wouldve been like, Ill go get it when I need it vs mom stocking up beforehand. We ended up setting my living room with a japanese style seating using my elfa shelving as the table and a towel over it. Leftovers from RPM for dinner and ribs/salad from costco. (I keep eating, and we’re not walking alot so....... I’m def gaining wait and will need to lose this asap)

I’ll be back more to cover this past week; mothers day, ikea, seafood city, hanging with becca, azul mariscos, drunk at ross and dollar tree, pants falling (mom) unbuttoned pants cuz we’re so ‘stuffffffed’ hanging with the boys via facetime cause I do miss them :( I need to havea schedule with them.

kk toodles. time to go back to work. no more crying (maybe) then an architecture tour with my mom <3 and dinner at a steakhouse at MJ’s on Michigan Ave BYeeeee