#i am entirely weak for royal writing

[seetangus]

Oh how about: Reader loving Azula throughout her mental health crisis and still visiting her in the asylum. So, as she heals, she realizes how much she loves the Reader… and maybe through the story, you could see her reactions to certain things like if R talked about another girl like Ty Lee or something, Azula would feel jelly but doesn’t understand why or if R talks about Zuko she may think she’d like Zuko more like their mother…

idk but it’s sounds fun and I know you are awesome at writing so I bet it’ll be good!

Healing - Azula x reader

[Masterlist]

Azula x gn reader, no warnings

1.897 words, I hope you like it! :)

The metal door closed audibly, its movement making the torches close to it flicker. They barely spent enough light to make things visible in the cell. Now you two were alone.

Azula sat in front of you, tied to a metal chair in a straitjacket. It was a humiliating treatment for a princess, you thought. Still, your heart felt great relief from seeing her again after several months of waiting. It had been difficult to convince the new fire lord Zuko and his comrades to let you visit Azula, as you were considered dangerous due to your loyalty to princess Azula that you had maintained even during the last days of the war. But here you were, finally seeing her, the one your heart ached for, again.

“Hello Azula. I am happy to see you again.”, you said truthfully but very quietly. You did not dare asking her how she felt. Seeing Azula, who had always been so confident and strong in a weak and broken state like this intimidated you.

You could not make out what Azula was thinking. You had been told that she had for some time behaved like a raving maniac, screaming and trying to attack anyone who came close to her. But that phase seemed to be over now. It was obvious Azula was mentally still in a very precarious situation, but right now she was rather calm. At least it seemed like she was.

“What are you doing here, y/n.”, she asked. Your heart jumped at hearing her voice, even if it sounded differently than before. What she said did not sound like a question, but you still answered: “I wanted to see you.” Quieter, you added: “Maybe you need someone to talk to.”

A small silence followed. You could tell that Azula was, even if it had been months, still very stressed and angry about her defeat against Zuko. Still, with a heartwarming effort, Azula tried to initiate a peaceful conversation by asking you about the current situation of the fire nation and other wide-ranging topics. You happily answered all her questions. The conversation got more concrete when she asked about her old friends. Ty Lee, Mai, Iroh and even her brother Zuko. All the ones that had betrayed her. You told about their new positions and how they behaved. You also told her that, as you had remained in your position in the royal palace even after the changing of the fire lord, you were somehow reconnecting with some of them, even if it went slowly.

While listening to you, Azula increasingly looked lost. You would have expected her to be angry at the traitors taking her place in the hierarchy of the fire nation, but she seemed to worry about something entirely different. Nevertheless you talked with eachother until the visiting time was over and the guards ordered you to leave. You also realised your eyes hurt because of the dim light in the cell - it must be painful for Azula to stay here all day.

Having left her cell, a guard told you that they had feared for the worst and were surprised at how calm Azula had been with you. You couldn’t imagine why that was either.

< • ◇ • >

A few weeks passed until your next visit. In that time Azula had changed much; you were told she was still a bit unpredictable, but her violent outbursts had ended completely and she was overall more stable. That had led to the guards daring to attach extra torches to the walls of her cell, finally making the room brighter so your eyes didn’t hurt anymore. The whole atmosphere was different this visit, it was less depressing.

This time you greeted her a bit more confidently and with a smile. It would have been hard not to smile when seeing your loved one feel better. She also looked better than last time - her hair looked less messy and she did not have bags under her eyes. You were genuinely happy it went uphill with her, and you didn’t hide it:

“Hello Azula, you look beautiful today!”

Your warm greeting seemed to have catched Azula off guard; you could see she hesitated a bit before answering, and you even saw her blush a bit, but surely it was only the warm light of the torches combined with your own feelings that made you imagine it. Azula wouldn’t blush. Once Azula answered though, she did so with her old attitude: “Of course I look good, y/n. Did you expect me not to?”

That might not have been the most welcoming and thankful answer she could have given, but at least it proved she really felt better, more like back when she wasn’t here. Ah, you couldn’t wait for when she would boss you around and insult anyone else again like in the good ol’ days.

But enough of the dreaming, back to reality! Azula simply made you tell her anything that you thought might interest her. She said she TRUSTED you on choosing the right topics. That was obviously a very unusual thing for her to say but you took it as a compliment and started speaking, mostly about how things changed under the rule of her brother and how the people she knew behaved. Every time you spoke about Ty Lee or Mai you could see her eyebrows furrow and she did not comment again until you changed topics. When you mentioned that Mai and Zuko were a couple, her whole face lit up and she interrupted you, exclaiming: “Ha! That’s fantastic! Isn’t it great, y/n?” You agreed but Azula suddenly feeling happy for her brother genuinely confused you.

Anyhow, Azula soon seemed to become annoyed by the things you told her about the people she knew. After some time she simply cut you off and said: “Yes yes uncle Iroh’s new tea shop is interesting and I should care but I want you to tell me more about yourself.” At first, you were dumbfounded, but since she seemed to really be interested (and also since it was impossible not to fulfill any request of hers anyways), you talked about yourself for the rest of your visit.

Some time later, the guards opened the door and told you to leave. You had already said good-bye to Azula and turned to go away, but she suddenly made a harsh move with her head, loosening a few strands of her hair that now dangled down. “Oh y/n, before you leave, would you be so kind and fix this?”, she purred with unusual kindness, inevitably making you feel butterflies.

Hesitantly, you turned around and lifted your hand to her beautiful hair, gently brushing it back into place. She just smirked triumphantly and let you leave. You couldn’t put into words how heavenly you had felt that moment, despite the stares of the guards.

After you were gone, Azula thought about what had happened. Why had she done this. Making her hair messy on purpose to ask you to fix it. Not that it hadn’t felt good, feeling human touch after months of deprivation had actually felt awesome, she just genuinely did not know why she had suddenly felt the need to get your attention. And why did she feel so hurt when you talked about Ty Lee or Mai? She did not like not knowing the answer to something, so she was determined to get it the next time you visited.

< • ◇ • >

You did not let Azula wait for long. As quickly as the harsh regulations of the Asylum allowed, you returned. According to the guards, who prepared you for the visit, Azula had been behaving much better: there had been no angry outbursts or attempts to harm anyone at all since your last visit.

Luckily for Azula, her good behaviour had led to an even greater improvement in the furnishing of her cell: the torches had been replaced with lanterns who emitted a brightness that somewhat resembled daylight, making it much more bearable to stay in her cell.

“How do you feel, Azula?”

“I’m well, y/n. Actually, it is very relieving that you are here now, because I can finally ask you some very important questions.”

Naturally, Azula saying your name made you feel butterflies. She sounded almost like her old self again. “I’m happy to answer anything you ask me.”, you assured, excited about what questions she could have for you. You looked at her expectantly.

She also only looked at you instead of asking questions. Well, she did not just ‘look’, she seemed to have… found something on you that interested her very much. More than any question she could ask you.

“Your eyes look very happy, y/n.”, she suddenly said.

You had not been prepared for that. Your eyes widened, making Azula grin. It was not her usual grin, though. It seemed like this grin was not fueled by self-absorption and superiority as it had been until now, but rather Azula seemed to be genuinely happy, feeling real joy. You had never seen that on her before, so naturally you were very happy for her! And for yourself, for being able to witness such a beautiful moment and being part of it.

“Oh I wish the visits weren’t this short.”, Azula said, her gaze still venturing in the depth of your eyes. You were a bit confused. “Azula, the visit has just started - we have plenty of time. Also, I will come back soon! As soon as possible!”, you quickly assured.

Azula tried getting closer to you, but she was restrained by her chains. You had both almost forgotten about them. “Y/n, I do not only want to be with you during visits.”

You were speechless. All your blood was gathering in your head and your voice decided this would be a good moment to give up. “A-azula … I want to see you more often too…” you mustered up all the courage you had. “In fact”, you gulped, “I feel pained in every moment we are separated from eachother.”

Azula smirked and lifted her nose up, making her look as powerful as before; she was clearly enjoying you being flustered. But there was something different, something new in her eyes. Something that had not been there a few months ago, and that had grown each time you visited her.

“You like me, y/n, don’t you?”

Azula lowered her head, and it seemed like there even was a bit of worry or insecurity in her voice when she asked again: “You do, right?”

“Yes Azula, I do.”

You wanted to hug her, caress her and hold her close, but knowing that the guards would rush in and restrain you, it was better to remain sitting. You did not hold back expressing your affection verbally, though.

Azula was, like always, the first one to regain her composure, and you tried to do so as well, although it was not easy.

“Well, it’s settled then.", Azula said.

“... What’s settled?”, you asked, unsure of what she meant.

“When I get out of here,'' Azula answered, “I will arrange that we see eachother much more often than we currently do and that the royal family welcomes a new member. And now tell me again how much you love me, y/n.”

[blaisenova]

ermmmm like i dunno if you're still doing requests buttt could you do like kustard but it turns to dustard

that dynamic always interested me but i never see much about it :3

anon, has anyone ever told you that you're a genius?

the kustard to dustard pipeline is WOEFULLY UNEXPLORED. WHICH SUCKS BECAUSE IT'S SO FUCKING GOOD. so, naturally, i was REALLY excited when i got this ask. yippie!!! an excuse to write fun fucked up dynamics!!!!!

this one is pretty tame. i can't think of any warnings you might need other than it being like..... long and, obviously, kinda angsty. it's fluffy in the end tho. but that's what you get when you ask me to write i guess LOL

thank you all for the requests btw!! i was NOT expecting so many after the kist fic, but i am pleasantly surprised and am trying to chip away at them as quickly as i can. spat this one out in a few hours, so it might not be my best work, but i'm happy with how it turned out either way :)

as always, the link to this fic on ao3 will be in the reblogs once it's posted, if that's your cup of tea (as it is mine LMAO)

i hope this feeds you well anon. thank you for the ask <3

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------

It was undeniable that the multiverse was an entirely cruel and ruthless place.

Or, at least, that was what Red had wholeheartedly believed up until he’d met his other self, in a universe that was so very unlike his own. A universe where the typical LOVE of any given passerby was nothing higher than 1; where Sans and his brother were kind to one another in public; where there was so little need for the royal guard that the worst Sans got for sneaking off to Grillby’s during his shift was a slap on the wrist. It was difficult to believe that a place like that could exist – that it could be self-sustainable, since, logically, their weakness should have led to their downfall – and even harder to look at it as anything more than a childish fantasy that had yet to find its catch.

Initially, Red hated Sans. 

It felt ridiculous, looking back upon it – in the moments when his head lay in Sans’ lap and gentle fingers traced over his scars like they were poetry written in a language Red had never bothered to learn, and he wondered what Sans saw in him that he hadn’t seen; wondered if this was what it felt like to love himself – but it was the truth. It had taken him a while to understand that the circumstances in which they’d grown were enough to turn them into two different people; that hating Sans wasn’t so much like hating himself, or what he could have been, as he wanted it to be.

Really, Sans was so unsuspecting that Red had been foolish enough to let his guard down, forgetting that then was when feeling was the most liable to appear. 

He hadn’t expected to fall in love with the laugh – genuine, unabashed, and lacking all of the gruffness of his own – of someone whose humour was just as terrible as his own.

He’d been far too blind to realise how incredibly endearing it was for someone to wake up and allow themselves to be bleary and half-asleep, cuddling into his arm without even meaning to, even if it meant opening themselves up to being easily picked off.

In allowing someone into his blindspot that he’d believed to be too weak or foolish to use it against him, he’d failed to remember that it was the softest words that cut the deepest, when they would bleed him dry so tenderly and lovingly that he couldn’t even think to fight against the bloodloss; when, instead, he’d lean into the knife and ask them to twist it. The wound was soul deep, and the soul’s wounds could not be so easily ignored.

Though, it was a small price to pay to hear that raucous laughter over jokes that weren’t even funny. Trivial, really, in comparison to soft smiles and gentle touches that moved slowly just to prove to him how tender the world could really be.

“Earth to Red.”

A soul for a soul; a life for a life. They gave one another all of themselves, promised each other that it was enough, and it was. For once, it was, just to be soft.

“Come in, Red.”

There was gentleness in the multiverse, hidden until it was allowed in.

Tiredly, he bat away the hand that waved in front of his sockets, only to grab it by the wrist and pull it back down, firmly, on the crown of his skull. With a laugh, the fingers scratched gentle circles into the bone, and Red hummed happily at the feeling, allowing his sockets to slip shut as he lay against Sans’ legs.

“Where’d you go, space cadet?”

“Nowhere,” he grumbled, sighing softly as he fully relaxed into the touch. “Must’ve dozed off.”

Again, there was that laugh, and Red’s soul fluttered. “With your eyes open?”

“It’s a little known talent of mine,” he hummed.

“Gee, must be handy,” came the response, and amusement never sounded so beautiful. “You’ll have to teach me sometime.”

“Nuh uh,” and he couldn’t stop himself from snorting. “It’s genetic.”

“Ah, damn. Guess we gotta add that to the list of differences.”

“Guess so.” His breath hitched as the hand on his head trailed downward to cup his cheek. His browbones furrowed, ever so slightly, and he felt himself go tense.

“Hey. Look at me.”

After a moment, Red opened his sockets, and there was no sight more welcome than the face of his lover. Each time he saw him was like the first, and Red drank in each of his features as if they’d disappear at any moment: smooth bone, unmarred by chips and cracks; eyelights that glowed softly in dark sockets, like how he imagined fireflies might; ever present, gentle smile that smoothed away his worries. Oh, to be so untouched by cruelty. He’d do anything to keep it that way.

“‘Sup,” he breathed, and Sans’ smile widened as he snorted.

“‘Sup,” he returned. His thumb ran circles over his cheek, and Red leaned into the touch. “You okay?”

With a snicker, he rolled his eyelights at the question. “Super duper.”

Despite himself, Sans laughed too, but, still, pressed on. “You sure? You were spacing out pretty bad before. Like, way out in deep space,” he emphasised, unnecessarily. “No planets around, just stars. Way beyond our galaxy. Uncharted territory. Where no man has gone before.”

“Alright, alright, I get the picture” Red interrupted, though not without chuckling. “‘M okay. Was just thinking.”

When Sans’ head cocked to the side, Red couldn’t help but grin. “About?”

“Uranus.”

At first, his sockets simply narrowed, confused, then all at once, “Ura– Oh. Alright, perv. Har har.”

But, he was laughing, and Red was, too, like it was the funniest joke in the world despite it not even being funny. Maybe it didn’t matter, if Red was the one to say it; if Sans was the one to laugh. Maybe, then, it could be good, even if it wasn’t, really. The sound of their laughter, something shared and sacred, was what Red imagined it might feel like to hear the birds chirp when the sun rose and turned the sky whatever colours it was supposed to when it drove the night away. He hoped that it was blue, like Sans’ favourite colour, but the pictures in his textbooks were too faded to be sure.

When he tuned back in, the laughter had tapered off.

“You do that a lot, y’know,” Sans noted, almost absentmindedly, and his hands turned back to trailing shapes on Red’s skull.

He grunted at the feeling. “Do what?”

“Go to space,” Sans said, simply. “Or… somewhere else. That I can’t reach.”

Red frowned, closing his sockets to cut off the dull thrum of agony he felt in his soul whenever Sans’ smile didn’t reach his eyes like that. “I do it less than I used to. It used to be better, somewhere else – anywhere else – but ‘m not so sure anymore.”

“Where would you wanna go?” he asked, in a whisper. “If you could go anywhere. Anywhere at all.”

For a moment, Red considered. The answer would have been easy before – the surface, of course. Where Paps and every other monster longed to be – but access to the multiverse had opened up options that he’d never known existed. If he could conceive of a place, it surely existed, somewhere. Any place. Anywhere. Anywhere at all. But, if kindness was so thoroughly hidden, why should he want to look for it anywhere else?

“Think I’d rather just stay here,” he hummed. “With you.”

Maybe he should have questioned the way that Sans’ hands stilled at his answer. Maybe he should have opened his eyes; looked at his face; seen his expression; known what it meant.

But, he didn’t.

“Geez,” Sans breathed, with a laugh that sounded breathless. “My answer feels stupid in comparison.”

“Yeah? What’s yours?”

“Anywhere else. Anywhere at all.”

In hindsight, Red should have known it was too good to last; too good to stay good.

A universe where the typical LOVE of any given passerby was nothing higher than 1; where Sans and his brother were kind to one another in public; where there was so little need for the royal guard that the worst Sans got for sneaking off to Grillby’s during his shift was a slap on the wrist. It was difficult to believe that a place like that could exist – that it could be self-sustainable, since, logically, their weakness should have led to their downfall – and even harder to look at it as anything more than a childish fantasy that had yet to find its catch.

Of course, there was a catch. 

There was always a catch. Every childish fantasy grew tainted with time, like the innocence of children was stripped with age. Every fairy tale book grew weary and old, pages yellowed and frayed. Every picture faded, until you couldn’t be sure whether the sky was blue or grey.

But, you hoped it was blue anyway, and maybe that was your mistake.

It was undeniable that the multiverse was an entirely cruel and ruthless place. That was what Red wholeheartedly believed. Maybe, after all, there was a reason that love and LOVE were spelled the same.

Try as he might, though, Red could not hate him.

It felt ridiculous – in the moments when hands clamped around his neck like a vice, choked by the grip and the grief that came with it, as if the two were one in the same, and they would both cry, both tremble in fear, or fury, or something worse, and Red would think that this was what it was like to hate himself – but it was the truth. It had taken him a while to understand that the circumstances in which they’d changed were enough to turn them into two different people; that hating Dust wasn’t so much like loving himself, or what he could have been, as he wanted it to be.

Really, Red had underestimated Dust as he had been before; had assumed that kindness meant the incapacity for cruelty.

And, in allowing someone into his blindspot that he’d believed to be too weak or foolish to use it against him, he’d failed to remember that it was the softest words that cut the deepest, when they would leave scars so deep that all he could think of was how much he missed the feeling; when he’d search for the knife and throw himself against it. The wound was soul deep, and the soul’s wounds could not be so easily ignored.

Before, he’d thought it was a small price to pay. Trivial, really, in comparison to what he had to gain from it. As if it were a simple transaction as opposed to something living, and breathing, and ever changing; as if he would never have to be the one who was tender; as if that made it anything less valuable.

“Red.”

A soul for a soul; a life for a life. They gave one another all of themselves, promised each other that it was enough, and it was. Just as before, it was. Harsher now, but Dust had taught Red to be soft, and Red would teach him what he’d forgotten.

“Red.”

There was gentleness in the multiverse, hidden until it was allowed in.

With a jolt, he came back to reality to a slap on the face, not hard enough to hurt, but more than enough to be startling. He frowned, but, nonetheless, took his hand by the wrist and guided it to the crown of his skull. Hesitantly, as if spurred on by some muscle memory, the fingers ran in gentle circles across his bone, and Red hummed in approval at the feeling as he lay against Dust’s legs.

“Where’d you go?”

“Nowhere,” he mumbled, unconsciously leaning into the touch. “Must’ve dozed off.”

“With your eyes open,” Dust said, and it wasn’t a question. “Freak.”

Immediately, Red snorted. “Guess we gotta add that to the list of similarities.”

Despite himself, Dust laughed; the sound short, subdued, and nothing like the laugh he’d fallen in love with, but something about it made his soul flutter, nonetheless. “Guess so.”

After a moment, Red opened his sockets. Each time he saw him was like the first, and Red drank in each of his features as if they’d disappear at any moment – as they had before – smooth bone that crackled and buzzed with magic, refusing to be underestimated; eyelights that glowed brightly in dark sockets, like how he imagined neon signs would on a city street in the middle of the night; a face shrouded by shadow, as if it was saved for him alone to see. In the end, he’d been marred by cruelty despite Red’s best efforts, but he was beautiful nonetheless.

“‘Sup,” Dust mumbled, and the edges of his mouth quirked up in an attempt at a smile.

Slowly, Red lifted his hand and, ever so gently, cupped Dust’s cheek, pausing when his breath hitched, but, with the same caution, Dust leaned into the touch; barely enough to be noticed, but Red noticed. This time, he saw. “‘Sup,” he finally returned. “You okay?”

“You’re going to disappear,” Dust whispered, and his voice broke on the words in a way that made Red feel hollowed out. “You’re going to go somewhere else. Somewhere that I can’t reach. Like you do when you go to space. It scares me.”

Browbones furrowed, Red ran gentle circles across his love’s cheek, staying silent as Dust took in a shuddering breath to continue; a quirk Red had grown accustomed to.

“I remember what you told me before,” he said, and his hand came up to desperately hold Red’s to his face, like he might forget it was there if he didn’t make sure. “That you did it because it was better to be somewhere else – anywhere else. Do you want that now? To be somewhere else? Away from me?”

“No,” Red said, and the lack of hesitation in his answer surprised even himself. “I don’t want that.”

Again, Dust’s breath hitched, and he frowned, like the answer wasn’t enough, and, maybe, it wasn’t. His fingers threaded between Red’s, and, when he clutched onto his hand, Red squeezed back, holding him with desperation to match. Dust laughed, a breathless sound. “I’m not the person that you loved.”

Scoffing, Red rolled his eyelights at the notion. “Of course you are.”

“I’m not,” Dust insisted, and something about it was a plea.

“Then,” he breathed, “I love you. This you.”

And, with a breath that was cut off with something that sounded suspiciously like a sob, Dust leaned forward – over Red’s body, as if to trap him – and pressed his chest against Red’s. His ribs fluttered with each breath, and Red guided his stuttering breaths with deep inhales that interlocked their ribs with each one. His hand remained stuck to Dust’s cheek, and he squeezed gently, relieved when Dust squeezed back to let him know he was still here; in this reality, not another.

“Breathe,” Red commanded, soft; soft, like he’d been taught. “I’m here.”

Dust took a heaving breath – deep, frantic, like he’d been drowning – and, in a voice that sounded so much like before – reminding Red once more that this was the person he loved, despite the change – he whispered, “Where would you wanna go? If you could go anywhere. Anywhere at all.”

The question made him sputter, for a moment. Then, with a breathless laugh, “Seriously?”

“Please,” he pleaded, so what could Red do but answer?

The answer would have been easy before – here; here, just like before – but, despite how they fought against it, things had changed. Did that mean his answer had to change? That his longing had to shift, too? The multiverse was infinite. If he could conceive of a place, it surely existed, somewhere. Maybe even somewhere that Sans stayed Sans, but would it be the same? Any place. Anywhere. Anywhere at all. But, if kindness was so thoroughly hidden – had been ripped from Dust’s grasp with the signature ruthlessness of the multiverse – then why shouldn’t Red be it? Like Dust had been for him, before.

“Think I’d like to stay here,” he hummed. “With you. Still.”

And, this time, Red noticed the way that Dust’s breathing slowed to a stop; felt the way that his magic crackled between his joints; how something wet slipped between their fingers on Dust’s cheek; knew what it meant.

“Okay,” Dust whispered.

“What about you? Where would you go?”

There was a pause – a moment as Dust inhaled once more; held Red’s hand tight, but oh, so gentle – before he managed to answer. “Here,” he said. “With you.”

[sarahsartistportfolio]

the inherent sexiness of shadowing someone and being shadowed

let me explain *grabs a mic, takes a seat and welcome to my ted talk*

I am thinking about a woman shadowing her teacher/professor/master. And how she has fallen in love with this consistent admirable view she has of him. Always behind him, always right over his shoulder, watching him. He should feel very far away but instead this forced proximity of the leaner & the learned has made the atmosphere around you two thick. You do not feel the cold distance of standing behind the light he casts, but instead the over flowing warmth and admiration he has for you when he calls your name and asks you to preform a demonstration. He's proud of you didn't you know? You've fallen in love with the image of his eyes barely glancing over his shoulder to look back at you with his concealed smirk. You learn the proper skills and knowledge you need from him sure. But you also learn like the pieces and kooks and cracks that make him him. What makes him weak, what gets under his skin. All unintentionally, but isn't that the beauty of falling in love? "You smell like him." another expresses and the remark makes your heartbeat speed up, you keep thinking about it for the rest of the day. Shadowing someone means becoming like them, whether you intend to or not. "You write like me." "Hm?" you're caught off guard by his remark. His dark eyes soften, not hiding his affection for you "You write like me, I've noticed. Its cute." And oh it's so over for you.

"Do not let anyone tell you you walk in my shadow." His tone irritated but its not directed towards you, but towards what his colleague said earlier. You struggle to keep up with his longer strides, before he sighs and stops in front of you. "You're more than that to me." He takes your hand effortlessly, like everything else he does. The warmth of his hand in yours clouds your mind as you two brush arms and continue down your path to your next lesson.

oh and the sexiness of being shadowed by someone?

You feel his eyes on you. But you've always had eyes on you. Ever since you were a baby. You're the Emperor and Empress's only living child. They're little miracle from god. The kingdom's crown jewel. You've had royal guards following you around your entire life. But this is different. Why do his eyes feel so heavy on you? The sound of his heavier footsteps behind you become a strange comfort. "Alright let's go." You turn and say to your knight as you prepare to leave a diplomatic meeting. He offers his arm to you, he always does. Even as the heat rises to your cheeks and your hand hesitates, you take it. This is normal. You've done this before. You tell yourself. Breaking from your thoughts is his finger gently tapping your arm. Ah. "Sorry." You embarrassingly apologize, too lost in the thoughts of how he makes your heart rate spike. You gracefully switch to his right arm instead. "I've forgotten you're left handed." and you both quietly laugh. The constant feeling of his hand on your lower back(even as others scold him it's improper to touch you so frequently), or the feeling of his gloved hand coming up to your elbow, as he gently guides you away from someone he deems suspicious. His presence is always warm and familiar. He's always been a consistent in your life. You can't escape his gaze. "I can feel your eyes on me." you speak out loud in the painfully quite room of your office. You don't look over your shoulder to your knight but you can hear the smile in his voice. "Does it feel good?"

He is in your shadow, as he sits in front of you, with the large ornate window behind you. The sunlight dancing around your face making him fall harder for you. He is always there, as he would never choose to be anywhere else but besides you. You two have just shared a tender vulnerable moment. Him confessing his weakness of feeling fear every time he must draw his weapon. And you confessing the heavy burden of the crown and your family place upon you. But he has one last confession to share with you, as his hand comes up to caress the sunlight hitting your cheek. "Y/N." as its said so tenderly, like its a secret between the two of you, "I think I love you."

[alexanderwales]

I've started playing Persona 5 Royal, my first Persona game, because it was ridiculously cheap on Steam. Back when I had GamePass, I installed it but never played past the opening, which I think is a bit weak. I'm about 20 hours in, through the first two palaces, and I'm not sure that my opinion is going to change too much, but I'm registering it now just in case (with some spoilers for the first fourth of the game):

I think having a division between the physical world and the mental world, which is physically represented, is super cool. I used it in Dark Wizard of Donkerk, and am overdue for using it in something else. Psychonauts did it too. Inside Out as well. I will always love this concept.

I don't think I like the gameplay. The last major JRPG I played was Final Fantasy VII Remake, and I thought the same there, so ... I don't know, maybe just a whole genre that I don't have that much of a taste for. It's mostly the random inventory items and pointless mob fights that I'm frowning at.

Severe lack of harmony between the battle stuff and the story. The mob fights have fuck all to do with infiltrating someone's mind. There's stupid elemental shit. The mob designs are interesting but mostly disconnected from each other and any theme.

So far, the psyche stuff has been surprisingly shallow, given that it's the main focus of the game. First palace was a gym teacher (Kamoshida) who's abusing students (physically and sexually), and sees the high school as his castle, but ... I don't know. I wanted more. We're literally walking around inside a character's mind, why is the character study so shallow? He should have layers, like an onion, each more horrible than the last. Kawakami is the other teacher we know best at the start, and there's no sense of how he views her, whether she's a sex object to him, or a non-entity, or someone he's worried about, or what, and I kept expecting that narrative beat to happen. I don't know, I think my fanfic would just radically change the entire palace concept so we get ten times the interplay between real world and mental world, and so we can turn these characters inside out and see all their gross bits.

I wish that Joker spoke more often. He's not really a blank slate protagonist, but there's very little personality there, as much as I'm trying, and that means that other characters are driving the plot and scenes and in general being more interesting than him. This is just a matter of personal preference, and a place where I definitely depart from what the average JRPG enjoyer likes.

I generally enjoy the slice-of-life elements, and to a lesser extent, the time management, though there's a part of me that's just screaming that I should be looking at a guide to maximize values. And if I do that, I'll no longer be playing the game, I'll just be watching scenes and doing inputs. I am definitely not playing this game twice, so if there's a difference in endings, or a big chunk of content I might miss, so be it.

It's relatively low on the anime shit that I hate, though there's still plenty of time for me to be disappointed. The way they're handling Ann is ... kind of not great. She was sexually harassed and then immediately after they have this whole "nude modeling" plot that's played for laughs and titillation, and it's possibly just a me problem here (avoiding spoilers for now), but "girl who was leered at and sexually pressured by her gym teacher being then jokingly pressured by her friends to do sexual stuff she's uncomfortable with" is ... not how I would write it. (The answer to "how I would write Ann" would certainly be pretty long, and I haven't finished the game yet, so maybe it gets better, or gets given more meat in the hangouts or whatever.)

There's still time, but I sort of assume that we're just never going to go into the minds of the protagonists, which is a shame. Tons of possibilities there, and I think if they were going to explore any of them, they would have done it by now. I guess I feel the palaces are underdeveloped enough that I probably wouldn't be satisfied by how they treat the protagonists anyway, but it's what I would have done. Let me see a physical manifestation of how Ryugi feels about his alcoholic father. Let me see Joker's defiance. Let me see Ann's self-image. Show me links between these characters, the differences in how they see the social web.

The frame story for the game is an interrogation by the cops, and I am not a fan. Half the time they're just yanking me out of the story I was in the middle of to signpost "hey, this guy is important". Possibly this will all payoff later in some interesting way, like halfway through the game we reach the "present" and the frame breaks. I usually like that. I've had thoughts on the interesting ways the frame story could be used, and so far they haven't used it in those ways. (Also, there's a bit of weirdness where ... I am pretty sure that I was fighting shadows and using powers outside the Metaverse? Unless the interrogation is actually taking place within the Metaverse. Unsure whether I can register a prediction on this basis, or if there are just more mechanics/wrinkles later on. So far, the interrogation taking place within someone's Palace doesn't seem like it would comport with the rules/expectations that have been set up, but there's still time. I'd prefer not being spoiled if there is a clever payoff or twist.)

This game is apparently 100 hours long, which means it's going to take me forever to finish it. I am enjoying it in spite of any quibbles above, but I'm also feeling like it's only 80% of the game that I want it to be, partly down to execution and partly down to personal preference.

[gourmetofglut]

The Mischaracterization of Ferris: A thread analyzing Re: Zero's most misinterpreted and overlooked character.

Note: This is a re-edit of a thread I wrote on Twitter. I recently decided to start using Tumblr a bit more. Since I've also been wanting to back up most of my threads, I figured I might as well move everything here. This is the first re-edit I'll be posting on this site. It was one of my favorites to write, so I hope it's enjoyable!

Side story spoilers for the entire thread. Arc 8 spoilers in the speculation section (will be marked since so many people aren't caught up).

For novel readers of Re: Zero, Ferris stands as one of the most divisive characters in the fandom. Considering his poor utilization in the anime and his role in the story within Arc 3, it's easy to see why.

On one hand, Ferris is one of the most outwardly aggressive characters toward Subaru in Arc 3. He makes no secret of his disdain from the start and consistently throws jabs at him every opportunity he gets. This behavior can certainly leave a negative first impression.

On the other hand, Ferris is quite a fascinating character who serves an important role within the narrative of Arc 3. He doesn't let Subaru off as easy as everyone else, which is exactly what makes seeing him grow respect for Subaru satisfying.

Whichever opinion you hold, that’s mostly irrelevant today. Instead, I will be simply discussing his character and his role in the story, as well as arguing in favor of many of his merits that people overlook.

Ferris's primary role is similar to all the Royals Candidates' knights: serving as a foil for Subaru. I've explained the similarities between Subaru and the other knights before, but to sum it up as quickly as possible all 3 of them represent a version of what Subaru could be.

Reinhard is a version of what Subaru could've been if he were the typical isekai protagonist, Julius is a lot more complicated but he’s essentially what Subaru could've been if he were granted enough power to face his enemies on even ground, and Al is Subaru if he had been just a bit unlucky in where he had been sent; becoming someone who struggles to care and abuses his powers to the fullest.

Ferris is much the same, though it can be argued he parallels Subaru the hardest, except for maybe Al. The resemblance on paper between the two is uncanny. They are both physically weak men who often don't fit traditional gender roles and have the sole desire of helping a woman they love to achieve her dreams of becoming a Royal Candidate, no matter the personal costs to themselves.

To do this, they use an extraordinary power unique to them (in Subaru's case RB, and in Ferris' case his magic that is relative in power to an authority). Their need to rely on others for victory is a source of immense mental turmoil and often leaves them full of self-loathing.

They place immense value in the lives of others, even those who have or will harm them, to the point that they are willing to be harmed to help them. Seeing others casually disregard the lives of others serves as one of the things that anger them the most.

They are both prone to obsessively possessive behavior and have sometimes even directed it towards the one they love. This often leads to them getting in trouble due to their jealousy.

There are more similarities I could point out, but you get the point.

Where am I going with this though? Ferris is clearly a parallel to Subaru, but what does he represent regarding him? Put simply, I believe Ferris is meant to represent what Subaru could've been if his parents were just a bit different.

Parent and Child is one of the most crucial chapters for informing us about just the kind of person Subaru is. Perhaps the most important piece is how it helps us understand just how much of his current personality is a result of his father. Subaru not only looked up to him but actively mimicked him to achieve his goals. The pressure of the surrounding world caused him to default to trying to be his father instead of who he truly was. Subaru's parents weren't perfect. In fact, they were very flawed people. Regardless of this fact though, they are responsible for many of Subaru's positive traits.

The same is true for Ferris and his shitbag of a father. If you were to ask any novel reader what Ferris' defining trait as a character is, they would probably say anger or bitterness.

This isn't surprising, as that's how he typically acts towards everyone except Crusch and Fourier, even when it comes to friends such as Julius.

I would argue, however, that this is merely an act he defaults to when he is stressed or angry, similar to Subaru's mimicry of his own father.

During his bitter moments, such as his cold statement to Subaru as he leaves Crusch's mansion in Arc 4, Ferris is merely defaulting to what he has learned to be the best method of dealing with his stress...a method that is eerily similar to how Biehn sometimes acts in EX 1.

Whether Ferris acknowledges it or not, his attitude at his worst moments makes him come off like his father. He can be cruel, sometimes even callous. He shows intense rage when he doesn't get his way and attacks the part of his opponent that is most vulnerable.

This attitude can blind him to the point that he can even hypocritically act racist towards Emilia. Ferris' entire life has been defined by discrimination. In the face of someone he should know has faced many of the same issues, he once again acts almost exactly like his own father.

It was in the middle of a mental breakdown, but that does not excuse him just like it does not excuse Subaru.

Speaking of his parents, it's also notable how their inability to connect with Ferris parallels Naoko and Kenichi's struggles with Subaru.

Ferris' dad is a bombastic, loud man who was (once) well-respected and causes many of Ferris's issues through his actions and Ferris' emulation of him. His fatal flaw in the end was that he could not understand Ferris, similar to how Kenichi could not fully understand Subaru.

Ferris' mom, on the other hand, fully understood the distress he was under but did not have the confidence to interfere or make a change as Ferris wasted away, similar to Naoko's inability to help Subaru when he most needed it.

That's not to say Kenichi or Naoko are even a thousandth as bad as either of those two, but their struggles with their child deeply parallel each other.

Back on track though, I want to highlight a bit more of Ferris' parallels with his father using perhaps the most damning example.

This specific scene is from "The Saga of the Great Crusch-sama Begins." When faced with his mother, whom he hates so much, he attempts to stab her in the chest. Crusch gets caught in the crossfire causing Felix to freak out and unlock his water magic to save her.

What can at first be written off as just a unique origin for Ferris' water magic gets recontextualized hard in EX 1, where it's revealed his father killed his mother in the exact same method.

It's such an eerie similarity and something that I feel gets overlooked too often when discussing Ferris.

As shown in scenes like the one above, Ferris often projects this image of hatred, bitterness, and malice. It's easy to write that off as just the kind of person he is as so many often do...

...but there's obviously more to it than this. There is far more to Ferris than his mimicry of his father.

Ferris doesn't allow himself to be vulnerable very often in the story. Only when he is with Fourier and Crusch, as well as when he is in the most intense moments of crisis, does he show who he actually is. Stress is the best test of character after all.

The best example to me? His confrontation with the father he so often emulates.

If Ferris was actually as vindictive as he so often outwardly acts, how would you expect him to react to the death of a man he hated so much?

Wouldn't he taunt him? Wouldn't he make his last moments a living hell? Wouldn't he crow in pleasure at his agony? Would you be able to even blame Ferris if he made Biehn's last moments hell?

You would expect that...but that's not how he reacts. At that moment, watching as the man who tortured him so much dies an awful death, he just shows sadness. He thinks about the possibility that they could've just worked things out. He just wishes that things could be different.

Despite everything his father had done to him, despite all the rage at the world Ferris projects, the moment he is put into a scenario he likely dreamed of he can't help but feel pity that this was the only route he could take. He never wanted to hurt even Biehn of all people.

And this, I believe, is Ferris's actual defining trait underneath his persona of cynicism and bitterness: kindness and a greater love for life than perhaps anyone else in the series.

Ferris's power, as Fourier once said, is the kindest in the world. At his core, Ferris is just as kind as his power.

Think about it. Despite Ferris's words, what is the thing that upsets him most?

People who waste their lives. Whether it be Subaru, Fourier, a random Vollachian guard, or even Witch Cultists...Ferris can't bring himself to watch life be thrown away. It just hurts him, regardless of how horrible the person is.

Just like Subaru, Ferris wants to help everyone, even if it costs him so much. The pain that he feels when he is unable to do so is immeasurable, as Subaru himself states in Volume 8. He is struggling with the same realization as Subaru: saving some people is impossible.

So where will this lead? What does this have to do with the themes of the story? Well, to answer that, I’ll have to take a little diversion to talk about one of the more…difficult topics involving Ferris.

Ferris and his relationship with gender is something that I feel a lot of the fanbase is really fucking weird about. Even ignoring the pretty deep-rooted transphobia in a lot of discussions involving him (he isn't trans, but he is heavily trans-coded and there really shouldn't be so much of an issue in letting people read into that), there's a feverish desire to deny that his status as a person not conforming to gender norms matters at all. All too often, people reduce it to just a fetish or something to make jokes about.

The reason this is such a bafflingly stupid take though is because of how blatant the importance is to anyone who has read EX 1. Even Tappei himself has stated that many of the things he wants to do with Ferris could not be done without this aspect of his character.

Ferris's non-conformance is part of a promise made with Crusch. Ferris took on her femininity while Crusch took on his masculinity. It's a promise between the two that proves their devotion to one another. It's the ultimate symbol of their affection for one another.

In Aganau IF Ferris dresses and acts more masculine, precisely because his connection to Crusch no longer exists.

I'd also argue it's why he continues to dress as he does even when Crusch no longer has her memories, desperately holding onto the literal symbol of the bond between them.

However, unlike Crusch who seems to love who she is both when taking on more masculine and feminine traits, finding a balance between them; Ferris can't do the same. He sees it merely as a means to show his devotion rather than something he does for himself.

He constantly expresses that it is all for Crusch and Crusch alone. If anything he seems to resent his inability to fulfill any kind of masculine role, as shown once again in his conversation with Biehn in EX 1.

When pushed to finally unleash all his true feelings to Biehn, what does he bring up as the main reason for his resentment? His abuse? His coldness? His murder of his mother? Any of the innumerable unforgivable things Biehn has done to him?

No. Ferris points at his body. He anguishes over his skinny arms, his inability to wield a sword, his lack of muscle, and his lack of fighting prowess. He hates his lack of masculine features and how he's unable to live up to his idea of what Crusch's knight should be.

He literally sees his masculinity as something stolen from him by his father; leaving him so empty that he needed something else to fill that void.

Crusch gave him something to fill that void. Crusch gave him a way to live. Crusch filled his soul...but he still resents what he "has" to be.

Now does that mean he resents Crusch? No, of course not. But he does resent that this is the only thing he can do for her; the only person he can be. Deep down, he doesn't seem to want to be the way he is, and instead of trying to change that he gives in to despair.

He's stuck in that hatred, in that desire to meet Crusch's expectations, and in that moment where a starving child begged to be released and was finally brought into the light. In many ways, he acts like a child.

This is quite literally represented in him preventing himself from going through puberty; a symbol in many stories of transitioning from childhood to adulthood. He sees his current form as a shackle whether he realizes it or not.

Now does that mean that Ferris should disregard his femininity entirely? Throwing away the representation of his love for Crusch and something that has defined him for so long seems as self-destructive as staying stuck. What's the solution? Where is his arc going?

Well, before that, I want to cover one last thing before I have to delve into Arc 8 spoilers. There's a bit of a side tangent I want to go on.

With everything I've been able to point out up to here, it's clear that Ferris is a remarkably complex character. There's so much to read into and talk about.

So why is he so hated?

He's so similar to Subaru, possibly the most popular character in the novel fandom. Despite all the claims of him being the worst and me highlighting his character's flaws, he hasn't done anything more morally dubious than the vast majority of characters in this series, even when he was pushed to the edge. This is especially true when compared to some of the most popular characters like Subaru or Roswaal. Hell, characters even more directly belligerent than Ferris like Priscilla don't get half the hate (though Priscilla's perception has...its own issues).

Why does he get disregarded so often? Why is he often treated as shallow fetish fuel? Why is he just reduced to being an asshole in every discussion that involves him?

Well, I have a few I can point out.

The first is, most obviously, misinformation. A large portion of the novel reader base has not read Arcs 1-4 in the LN and has very warped views of some of the characters in that section of the story. Ferris is just the most blatant example.

I can't count the number of times I've heard people just blatantly lie about or exaggerate what Ferris did in Arc 3. From the "mana bomb" that has LITERALLY no basis in the text to the "brainwashing" scene treated as a comedy bit that is exaggerated to hell, people go out of their way to interpret him in the worst light possible.

Many of the people who haven't read those sections then see Ferris's ribbing of Subaru in Arc 5 and then run with those pieces of misinformation; spreading it to the point that many believe some blatant lies to be fact.

The second is simply that a lot of people in the fandom don't read the side stories. I don't particularly blame a lot of these people, as there is a lot to get through, but there are a lot of people who take advantage of this for...certain reasons.

This leads to the third point...shipping. Ferris suffers from "Die for our ship" syndrome (https://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/DieForOurShip…). A lot of people like Crusch x Subaru and Crusch loves Ferris so that ends up being more than enough for some people to hate him.

That's not representative of even close to every Crusch x Subaru shipper, of course, it's just a notable trend that it's hard to pretend doesn't exist with some of them.

All of these factors often go hand-in-hand with the final factor: the fandom's immense double standards when it comes to certain characters.

I'm not going to go into deep detail with this as it would distract from the main point of the thread...but you know what I mean if you've interacted with the community for a significant period of time. It also doesn't help that many of the same people in this category tend to be incredibly bigoted.

Ferris isn't the only character subjected to these double standards, as characters like Emilia and Ram often face similar purposeful misinterpretations, but his frequently unfair critiques have affected his reputation negatively perhaps more than any other.

This isn't to say that this is all true for everyone who hates Ferris. There are numerous reasons you may just not be interested in his character.

However, I feel it's dishonest to pretend Ferris isn't often targeted far more than other characters for often lacking reasons.

With that out of the way, I can move on to the last thing I wanted to cover in this thread. I have established a lot here, so I want to speculate about the future.

From this point forward there are unmarked Arc 8 spoilers, so...you can't argue I wasn't careful. I don't blame you at all for leaving now and I thank you for reading my ramblings.

*

*

*

Are you still here? Ok, let's start.

With all of the above established, I want to return to the question of where Ferris' arc will go in the future. My belief? I think it will be something similar to what Pre-Amnesia Crusch has already realized, with Felix’s closest parallel in Subaru being close to doing the same.

Crusch, as I mentioned before, has found balance in the two aspects of her life. Throughout the story, she switches seamlessly between the two without a second thought. She is comfortable and happy with both parts of herself.

Subaru is also on a similar path. He feels most comfortable in embracing his feminine side, idealizing it through Natsumi. All his confidence is channeled into that persona, while the other two aspects of his personality (his main self who has all the self-worth of an abandoned puppy and his child self who is representative of his more masculine traits) are imbalanced.

Arc 8 seems to be going in a direction where he realizes how important all of these aspects of him are. All 3 have flaws. None of them are "complete," just pieces of the coherent whole that is Natsuki Subaru.

I believe a similar thing will happen with Ferris.

He will need to find a balance between Ferris, his feminine side that has defined him for so long, and Felix the masculine identity he craves. He needs to find a role that makes him as happy as Crusch was, accepting who he is while striving to become who he wants to be.

I don't expect that to be easy though. In fact, I think the path to get there will be immensely messy and self-destructive.

The idea of Ferris having a breakdown or lashing out has been well-foreshadowed throughout the story. He has had numerous smaller outbursts and has displayed similar problems to Arc 3 Subaru when pushed to an extreme. There's a large amount of toxicity in him that will rush out, sooner or later. It will likely take similar levels of suffering to force him to get a grip, possibly hurting Crusch in the process.

Who do I believe to be the trigger for this? My best guess is Capella.

It is quite possible Capella freed Sphinx and recreated her arms initially. Why would she do this? Why not? We're seeing firsthand how much of a monster Sphinx can be with the Sacrament of the Immortal King. Why wouldn't someone like Capella want something like that under her control?

Of course, Sphinx is almost certainly dying soon. Capella will need a replacement, and who's the only other potential user of the Sacrament? Ferris.

There's also the idea that Capella may have poisoned the Royal Family and, most importantly, Fourier. If Capella does become the main antagonist for Ferris, that could serve as motivation for him to want her dead regardless of his own reservations about killing.

Adding onto this is the fact that shapeshifting is a power with a long history of being associated with identity issues. Tappei likes making his antagonists strong narrative foils to his protagonists, so it would be interesting to contrast Ferris' identity issues with the potentially strong identity issues of Capella.

Finally, there's a lot of potential for her tragic past to parallel Ferris' past, with many implications that the Royal Family may not exactly have treated Emerada the best. The idea that the Royal Family may have locked her away is not implausible and it could make their connections even stronger.

Whatever that breakdown leads to, I expect Crusch and/or Subaru to be the one who snaps him out of it. This will likely be the catalyst that forces Ferris to find a balance. He'll need to let go of things like his self-blame over being unable to help Fourier, his internalized hatred of his current identity, his idealization of Crusch, and his need to save everyone. Ferris's love will finally allow him to grow and change into a person who is the middle ground between his desires and his true self.

After all, that's what Re: Zero is truly about: love and growth. Almost every character reflects this and, if my interpretation of Ferris is right, he could embody that theme just as much as Subaru himself does.

He could be a shining bastion of what this story is all about.

Of course, this is all just my interpretation and speculation. If you disagree with it, feel free to. I just hope I was able to make you appreciate Ferris a bit more/changed your mind on how much potential his character has.

I wish whoever is reading this a nice day!

[eatmeandbirthmeagain]

hello! a little fic request I’ve been thinking on, not pressuring you to write it or anything, just wanted to share.

the y/n is a hot tempered foreign princess who got married to Baldwin when they were both children. she’s very energetic, straightforward, man-like in her character, but has to adapt to fit in the court of Jerusalem and also to „suit” her husband’s calm manner and the fact that he’s ill doesn’t help.

she’s unhappy about it; maybe even tears a little during the wedding, but doesn’t let anyone to think she may be vulnerable (mostly because she understand that that can be used against her in the future after Baldwin dies). but over the time she finds herself drawn to Baldwin because, well, unlike her teachers, he lets her study and play chess with him. he cares about her desires and interests. he also respects her, not just like a woman but as a friend, and a clever one. maybe some of her advice on the politics is used by him at some point (which would be absolutely unrealistic, but really, we’re talking historical romance with a leper king here…). a cute detail would be him gifting her a weapon of some sort to protect herself because he knows how she doesn’t like being treated like she’s helpless. bonus points if he says something romantic and or pathos’y about it.

did I write this whole oc story as a multiple chapter fanfiction in my head? yes, I did. am I going to finish it? absolutely no. but I’d love to read your interpretation!

♧ "Princess" - King Baldwin x Reader ♧

♧ Angst ♧

A/N: Hello Anon! So sorry for taking so long to write this, ive had so many requests. I'm not sure if this is what you had in mind but it was my interpretation and I hope you like it! I dont really like how it turned out as your request had so much detail and my writing does that no justice, but I hope its okay ☺️! As always, this is based on the film Kingdom Of Heaven, not the real historical figgures. This is also set pre-film. Enjoy!

TW: Leprosy

At thirteen years old, marriage was the last thing on young y/n’s mind. But yet, here she was. Soon to arrive in the city of Jerusalem, to be wed to a boy she had only ever met a handful of times.

Baldwin the fourth. The leper, who's mother just so happend to be ready to find him a wife at the same time her father was ready to find her a husband.

She sat in silence for the entire journey, this was uncommon for her. She usually always had something interesting to say or something to observe with curiosity. But as per request by her father, from now on she “had to act like a proper lady. No more of this ridiculous 'masculine' behavior”.

“You will be wed to a king y/n” he had told her. “You must stop acting the way you do. No king will be allowed such behavior from his wife”. 

Her attempt to keep to herself for the journey had been successful so far. She remained silent and still. Just as her mother taught her. “Just how a lady should be”. 

As the city came into view, y/n felt tears begin to burn her eyes. She would never again be allowed to explore the wilderness on her fathers land, or read every book she was allowed to have from the library. She surrendered herself to a life of boredom and suppression. 

Once exiting the carriage, she was greeted by the royal officials as well as the king's mother.

“I am so pleased to finally meet you young lady" she greeted her with a smile "you shall make a fine wife for my son” . Y/n thanked her and was ushered off quickly to prepare her for the hour of the wedding.

Y/n held back tears as servants worked busily around the room. Dressing her in beautiful garments, jewelry, and makeup. She was distraught. But she dare not cry. They could not see her so weak.

----------------------

The events proceeded and y/n barely even looked at the boy she was marrying. She could not bring herself to make eye contact with the man who would rule her life forever.

They told her to smile. “No man wants to see a lady disappointed on her wedding day” the king's mother had told her before they entered the church.

Baldwin himself was nervous about this day but just enthusiastic. Unlike y/n, he was looking forward to being wed to a young woman. He did not want just a wife to serve him, but a companion too. Someone who he could speak to about all kinds of things. Someone who would love him as much as he loved them. When he saw her, she looked beautiful, but sad. Very sad.

He hoped she was not sad about marrying him. Perhaps his illness deterred her from wanting to even be near him.

But she was still beautiful. She was 14, just like him. He could not take his eyes off her. He had met her a few times before, and she interested him deeply, even though they barely spoke. He more so just watched her play and talk with the other young people from his bedroom chamber window, longing to join them if it was not for his illness.

She played more with the young boys than she did with the girls. Always full of energy and life, always talking and laughing. But now, she looked different. As if the light had been drained from her. 

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When the wedding was over, the young king and queen got acquainted in the boy's chambers. She still seemed very quiet and unsure about his presence.

“Are you alright?” He asked her the second they were alone. “Yes your highness” she replied in a small voice, very different to the excitable tone she used to have. She sighed and lowered herself onto the small couch, turning away from him to look at her hands.

Baldwin thought for a moment, but then remembered that his mother requested he chose a wedding gift to present her after the affairs.

“I have a gift for you,” he said happily, lightening the mood.

He noticed her eyes light up a little at the comment. “You do?”

“Yes, would you like to see it?”

Y/n nodded excitedly, a smile forming on her face for the first time all day. The boy stood and disappeared behind the red, satin curtains that covered the large windows. He returned a few seconds later with something behind his back and a wide smile.

"I had to hide it, so my mother did not see what I chose for you" he explained. This peeked y/n's intrest greatly.

“Alright, close your eyes, '' he told her, the smile still plastered to his face. Y/n shut her eyes with anticipation. When he told her to open her eyes, she was lost for words. In the young king's bandaged hands, he held a shining silver sword with a pale pink ribbon tied around the handle.

Her eyes widened and stared at the sword for a long time before taking it in her hands to admire it. “Do you like it?” he asked, cautiously, hoping he had not offended her.

“Baldwin.. I love it!!” she exclaimed with a grin, jumping to her feet and wrapping her arms around his neck and pulling him into a tight hug. The smile returned to his face and he put his arms around her waist.

“Now you can defend yourself my love. No wife of mine will be left vulnerable, even if there are men to protect her. She will defend herself, because she is strong.” His words filled the queen with happiness and hope. Perhaps her father was wrong after all and she could remain as herself. At least in the presence of her husband. 

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From that day on, they were inseparable. Unlike y/n’s tutors and parents, he allowed her access to his entire private library so they could study and read together. He allowed her time to herself, so she could do the things she loved without anybody telling her how to behave.

He quite often went as far as to seek her out for advice on political issues, not allowing her straightforward intelligence to go to waste.

Overtime, y/n became used to her duties as queen, but as much as she learnt to fit the role, she treasured her time alone with Baldwin. He cared about her interests, her desires. He respected her, more than anyone else ever had. They played chess together as well, each game being a delightful battle of the mind.

He saw her as not just a wife, but as a companion and an intelligent one at that. And for this, she would be forever greatful.

[rjmartin11]

As My Lord Wishes

Chapter Fourteen

Summary: Young Madelyn is forced into a loveless arranged marriage with the King of Memphis. Life with Elvis isn't easy, especially when he treats her less than what a queen deserves. Over time, the relationship becomes something more. Love.

Word Count: ???

Warnings:

Author's Notes: Welcome to Chapter Fourteen! If you made it this far, thank you for all your support!

If you enjoy this chapter, like, follow, comment, and repost!

・ʚ♡ɞ・・ʚ♡ɞ 👑 ʚ♡ɞ・・ʚ♡ɞ・

For the next few weeks, Elvis stays at Madelyn's bedside. He supervises the doctor, the assistant, and the handmaidens. He's glad Madelyn has around the clock care. He reads to her in quiet moments.

Madelyn feels so weak, but she doesn't show it. She's so grateful that Elvis is with her, seeing over her. Her throat was so sore that it was difficult to eat. With encouragement from Elvis, the physician, and her handmaidens, Madelyn would eat little bite throughout the day. She wanted her baby strong.

The physician fears Madelyn wouldn't make it to full term with the baby. Madelyn felt the same.

"Doctor," Madelyn says weakly. "Tell me the truth. Am I going to lose my baby?"

The tension in the room is as thick as smoke. Elvis feels he could choke on it. He was so nervous for Madelyn and his unborn child. His eyes sting with as the news hangs over them. Elvis holds Madelyn's hand.

Even before the physician speaks, the look on his face says it all.

"My Queen... with your illness and the stress on your body, I don't believe you can make it another month. Let alone two more months."

Elvis is ready to burst into tears but remains strong.

"What do we do then, Doc?" Elvis asks.

"My king, we have to take the baby from her in order to save both of them, or we risk losing both."

"No," Madelyn answers.

Elvis looks at in shock. She could die, and she doesn't want the doctor to take the baby. Elvis can't fathom losing her.

"My queen..."

"Leave us," Elvis says. His eye never left Madelyn's face.

The physician doesn't argue with Elvis. He takes a bow and exits the room. Elvis feels himself shaking. He tries to calm himself down. He feels like he's experiencing the stages of grief. He has denied this entire situation, which includes denying Madelyn. Right now, he's livid and ready to bargain with Madelyn because he refuses to accept anything that will tear them apart.

"Elvis..."

"Maddie, please. Please let the doctor help you."

"No. He wants to take the baby prematurely."

"It's to save you! I can't lose you!"

"If you lose me, at least the baby will be here for you to love. And you..." Madelyn pauses, thinking about the words he said to her. "You can find the queen that your heart desires."

"I don't want anyone else!" Elvis kneels by her bedside. "It's always been you. You're it for me. We can have more children."

"I want this one. He's kept me company for the last five months. Playing with me. Loving me when I felt unloved."

"The stress on your body is too much."

"Call for the doctor."

Elvis stands and walks for the door, bringing the doctor inside. Madelyn worries about this situation, but she knows she must be strong.

"If you induce me. Can you save my child?" Madelyn asks with tears rolling down her face.

"I can try, my lady. It would be a miracle if you both survive," the physician says.

"Okay. Let's pray for a miracle. You have my blessing to induce me next Tuesday. I need to get word to my mother."

"We'll send a messenger pigeon to Queen Escalus immediately," the physician says.

Elvis kisses her hand, grateful for the time given.

"Thank you, Maddie," Elvis whispers.

"I'm doing this for our son," Madelyn says. "And my mother wanted to be here for his birth. I won't disappoint her. Whatever the circumstances."

Madelyn's handmaiden, June, writes a letter for Queen Escalus about Madelyn's premature birth of her baby to get to Memphis immediately. The physician gets everything ready in preparations of the new royal baby. All of Graceland is buzzing busier than a hive of bees. Word gets out of the palace and spreads across Memphis and the surrounding townsfolk. Everyone loves the thought of the newborn baby.

Everyone from Beale to Memphis brings tokens of love for the baby and new parents. As exciting as it is, Madelyn is still sick and worried about her baby. Her handmaids do everything in their power to comfort her. Elvis stays by her side. He worries most of all.

Three days later, Queen Escalus comes to Graceland. She walks quickly to Madelyn's aid, worried about her daughter's health and well-being.

"The Queen Gloria Escalus," Joseph the Herald shouts as she walks into Madelyn's room.

"Mother," Madelyn says, reaching out to her.

"My darling, Madelyn," Queen Escalus says, taking her clammy hand.

"Scarlett fever and pregnancy plague you. And yet you remain beautiful."

"My lady," the physician says. "Should we begin the induction?"

"No! It's not Tuesday yet. I said Tuesday. Mother, he wants to take the baby. I won't lie to you, I'm afraid."

"If it will save the babe... then let's be done with it," the Queen says. "I'm here, my darling daughter. You will be fine."

I'm not ready," Madelyn cries.

"You are my love," Elvis says, tears streaming down his eyes. "I believe in you. You are ready."

Elvis looks into Madelyn's eyes, seeing her fear. The love she was missing those five months of silence revealed at this moment between them.

"Fine. Do it now," Madelyn orders, regaining her strength.

The physician preps the bed, sitting Madelyn up and propping the pillows behind her back. He orders the handmaidens to get hot water to sterilize all his tools. He takes his needle and syringe full of horse tranquilizer and carefully puts it in her left hip. Madelyn cries out loud from the pain. The doctor also gets her warm red leaf herbal tea to help with the induction. The tea is warm, and it helps to soothe her throat. The taste dulls her senses, and a drowsy feeling takes her body.

A few moments later, Madelyn's lower abdomen starts to tighten and cramp. Her breathing changes. Elvis and her mother take her by the hand.

"Maddie?" Elvis asks.

"He's coming!" Madelyn shouts.

The physician takes off his jacket and gets to work. With his physician helping with whatever is needed.

"My lord, you need to leave," the physician tells him.

"I'm staying," Elvis says.

"My lord, it's not fitting..."

"I said I'm staying," Elvis says in a stern tone. "I will not leave you, Maddie. Never again." He whispers to her.

"Thank you," Madelyn says, a single tear falling from her eye.

The physician pulls up the sheets and covers at the bottom of the bed. The assistant holds open Madelyn's legs as the doctor inspects further.

"The baby is crowning, my lady."

"Breath, darling," her mother tells her. "Deep breaths. In through your nose and out through your mouth."

Madelyn follows through a little bit, realizing this help in some way.

"And remember that you can squeeze our hands as tight as you need to," her mother says.

"My lady, are you ready to push?" The physician asks.

Madelyn shakes her head no.

"I'm not ready. I can't do this."

"Yes, you can, Maddie. You are stronger than anyone I know. You are courageous and true. I have all faith in you. You can do this," Elvis says, kissing her hand.

"My lady, when the next contraction comes push," the physician orders.

The contraction hits her like bricks, and she pushes with all her might. She yells at all the pressure she feels in the action. She feels the baby's head slips out inch by inch, but she's not done yet.

"The head is out. Rest for another moment for another moment, my as we what for the next contraction."

Madelyn's breathing is labored as she gasps for air. Her mother takes a small cloth and wipes the sweat off her brow.

The next contraction hits, and she pushes again. The physician works the umbilical cord from around the baby's body as he holds it.

"My lady, one more push should do it, and the baby will be out."

"One more push, Maddie," Elvis whispers.

"One more push," Madelyn repeats. "One more."

The last contraction hits, and with all her might, Madelyn pushes the baby out of her body. She falls on the bed, trying to catch her breath.

"How is he?" Madelyn asks, not hearing the baby cry yet.

The physician cleans the baby's face and mouth out. As he does, the baby lets out his first breath of life. A sign of relief takes over the room as the baby cries.

"He's just fine, my lady. He has a strong set of lungs. That's healthy."

"Thank God," Madelyn says.

"It really is a boy?" Elvis asks.

"Yes, my lord."

"Madelyn, how did you know?" Her mother asks.

"I know my son," Madelyn says weakly.

Elvis lets go of her hand and walks towards the baby, curiosity about the baby filling his mind. Elvis gets a glimpse of his newborn son crying for attention. He's so small. About seven inches long. His skin is fresh, but somehow paler than he believed he'd be.

"Would you like to hold him, my lord?"

Elvis doesn't give it another thought. He takes his son in his arms, cradling him closely. He's the most beautiful baby Elvis has ever seen, and he's his own son. Everything Madelyn promised came to pass. Elvis walks over to Madelyn and Queen Escalus with the newborn.

"Maddie, look at him. He's so precious."

Elvis places the baby up to Madelyn's face so she can have a better look at her son. She strokes his face with the back of her fingers. True love at first sight as hit her twice. She cries tears of joy for her newborn son. Queen Escalus is in awe of the scene before her.

"Would you like to hold him, Maddie?"

"I... I can't. Get him away. I'm still sick," she says weakly.

Madelyn closes her eyes, and her entire body goes limp.

"Madelyn, darling. Are you okay?" The Queen Escalus asks.

"Maddie?" Elvis says, fearing the worse.

He turns to one of the handmaidens.

"Take him. Wash him. Cloth him. Now," Elvis orders her.

Elvis marches back to Madelyn's side.

"Maddie. Maddie, wake up. Why is she so still?" Elvis asks the doctor.

"She's lost a lot of blood, and she's still sick with scarlet fever, my lord. I'm working as fast as I can to help her."

"Your grace," Elvis says to Queen Escalus. "You need to leave now. Go check on your grandson. The handmaidens will work you to him."

"I'm not leaving..."

"Do as I ask, please," Elvis says to her sternly.

She can't argue with Elvis. So she walks out of the room without another question.

Elvis takes Madelyn's face in his hands lightly, tapping her face.

"Maddie, look at me, love."

Madelyn stirs. She opens her eyes and looks at Elvis as he kneels down by her.

"Garon."

"Who?"

"Our son's name is Garon. After your brother."

Elvis recalls telling her about his brother. Never in a hundred years would he have believed Madelyn would name their child after his brother. It warmed his heart.

"Be with Garon," she tells him.

"I want to be here with you. I will not leave you."

"He needs you more than I do."

"But I need you. I love you, Maddie," Elvis says, tears running down his cheeks.

"I love you," Madelyn whispers back, touching his face.

"Your majesty, you have to let the physician help her," his guard tells him.

"I will not leave her. Not again."

The guards pick Elvis up by his arms. Elvis fights them off of him, pleading for them to leave him alone. His pleads fall on deaf ears as they escort from out into the hall. They guards block the doorway from Elvis, not allowing him access.

Elvis falls to his knees and cries, believing that he has lost the love of his life.

Taglist: @missmaywemeetagain @beeandheroddobsessions @headfullofpresley @everythingpresley @epforeverohyes @vintagepresley @pianginferno @powerofelvis @ab4eva @foreverdolly @searchingforgravity @thatbanditqueen @daffieapple @18lkpeters @dkayfixates @epsgirl @richardslady121 @literally-just-elvis-fics @eptodaytommorowforever @vintageshanny @iloveelvisss @dreamingofep @aliypop @littlehoneyposts @msamarican @i-r-i-n-a-a @your-nanas-house @elvispresleyxoxo @iloveelvis2 @elvisbdoll

[hystericstar]

I see you’re looking for writing requests 👀 may I suggest mirror sex with Sidon? That plus a size difference is just 🤤

Mirror sex is my weakness omg 😭😭

Y'all have SUCH good ideas 🤭🤭 I also added to it a little so I hope you don’t mind.

cw: doggy style, riding, mirror sex, size kink, reader gets Sidon a lil extra worked up, fingering, praise, fem reader, Sidon is dominant 🤭

! MDNI !

"M-more please!" You begged, wanting him to rock his hips into yours again. Harder, faster, anything but the slow agonizing pace he had initially set. 'Because I don't want to hurt you' he said. Maybe it was payback for jokingly calling him ‘your majesty’ all day, something that you did to get back at him whenever he did something silly with you. He hates when that word comes out of your mouth. If anything, he always said that he should be the one calling you that. To him, he was your lover full time. He loves his people but sometimes it just felt like the royal thing was a side hustle. But no matter what the case was, you just knew he was enjoying it. Enjoying the sounds of you begging for him to bring you as much pleasure as you could handle.

"So small..." He couldn't help but breathe against you. Truthfully, that wasn’t really it. Although he had forgotten the playful banter that filled his life earlier, and he admitted that your pleas made his chest swell with pride, it was the sight of him absolutely towering over your small form in the mirror that he was enjoying the most.

"Look." He pressed a hand to your chin, gently directing your gaze to the reflection in front of you. You made eye contact as he sat up, pulling you out of your previously bent over position and directing you to sit on him instead. "How cute." Sidon cooed while his hand moved to rest over the bulge in your tummy. “It’s like you were made to fit me.” He chuckled, flashing his signature smile at you through the mirror.

You averted your gaze down to his hand. As if you weren’t horny enough, he just had to go and point out how absolutely stuffed full you were. Sidon took hold of your hands and rested his head atop yours. “I know what you want pearl, but I can’t give it to you unless you use your words.”

You were defeated. The rasp in his voice was the cherry on top as you whined. “Sidon, I want you to fuck me. Please?” That’s what he wanted to hear. “Your wish is my command my love. However, there is one condition…” Your breath hitched when you heard the proposition.

“Look at me.” Your eyes obediently shot up at the order. “I’ll give you what you asked so nicely for, but you are to maintain eye contact with me the entire time. How’s that sound?” His authority made your mouth water in anticipation, the only response emanating from you was a pathetic ‘mhmm.’

“Good girl, that’s it.” He lifted you up by the waist and rocked upwards into you when he moved you back down. Your brows furrowed and your mouth was left agape. His movement progressively grew faster as the seconds passed. Once more, a hand moved to feel the bump on your stomach move up and down, before trailing lower to rub circles into your sensitive folds. That simple action was all it took for tears to build in your eyes.

“Look at your stomach love. I want you to take in how big I am compared to your tiny little hole. And that little hole is all mine. You like that, don’t you? Letting me have you all to myself while you take me so well.” His voice did nothing but echo through your head. Everything was so erotic. You could see how he was basically using you like a toy, moving you up and down while rutting into you, simultaneously filling the room with sounds of repeated skin-to-skin contact.

“A-ah! Yes! Im yours! All yours your majesty!” The sentence spewed out of you in the form of a wail. As soon as the word ‘majesty’ left your pretty little mouth, something in his eyes changed. In an instant, you found yourself laying on your stomach with your hips in the air. Sidon was on you with his chest pressed flush against your back and breath fanning against your ear. Yet his harsh movements never faltered.

“It appears you’ve forgotten my name. Perhaps I’m fucking you so well you can’t think straight? Oh well, I’ll simply just have to remind you, love. Not that I’d mind of course.”

He abruptly pulled out, watching you squirm and whine, trying to buck your hips back into him for more. The coil in the pit of your stomach was starting to fade way much to your displeasure.

“Don’t worry, all you have to do is say my name and I’ll reward you. Now, what’s my name, sweetheart?”

“S-Sidon” your breath was ragged and you could barely speak. Sidon wasn’t nearly as satisfied with your response. He put his hand against your neck and forced you to look up at the mirror. “Look at me when you say it. What’s my name?” “Sidon.” A finger rubbed at your clit slowly. “That’s better, but I want you to say it louder. Try again.” “Your name is Sidon!” This time it was a moan. “Louder. If you’re so insistent on calling me ‘majesty’, then I’ll ensure the whole kingdom hears you.”

“Y-your name is Sidon!” You peered into his golden eyes, raising your voice as best as you could all the while he started quickly fingering you. “Who’s making you feel this good?” “It’s- hah… it’s you Sidon!” The coil from before came back and grew tighter than last. “Thats it. Come for me my pearl.” After a few seconds, the coil snapped and your thighs quivered. He fingered you through your orgasm, taking note of the way your eyes rolled back and your lashes fluttered.

He allowed you a moment to catch your breath before speaking. “Beautiful. I hope you’ve still got energy. I’m not done with you yet. You can scream louder and you know it. Also, you didn’t look at me when you came.” That cheeky bastard-

You did NOT get a wink of sleep that night.

~《☆♡•°•°♡☆》~

tbh I kinda got distracted with the whole ‘louder’ Thing and I hope that’s not too obvious 😭😭

thank you for requesting!

[redleavesinthewind]

elliot's 2023 fic wrap up

2022 version

alright friends it is once again time for me to review the (many) fics i read in the previous year and try to write a more or less concise rec list of my absolute faves (i wish i didn't have to chose but heh i'm not gonna subject anyone to 332 fics in 1 post - also wait only 332 fics? that's like. over 100 less than last year, what the fuck. anyway)

okay now first the part that interests no one but me (yes you may skip this) and that's the numbers part! i'm not making a whole elaborate spreadsheet to then not throw around cool numbers. anyway.

i've read around 4,932k words in 332 fics across 18 fandoms. that is much less than last year, and yeah, i've been generally less productive in 2023 but we don't have to talk about it. at least i have more variety of fandoms this time (let's ignore that it's only 2 more and also that from fandom 13 on there's only 1 fic per fandom)

i started out the year strong with 847k words across 72 fic in february (followed by 753k across 42 fics in january, and 621k words across 63 fics in march). it goes downhill for the rest of the year. eh it wasn't my year so what! 2024 is gonna be more filled with fic reading again!!!

my top 3 fandoms are so entirely unsurprising to me i am almost disappointed in myself. when did i become so predictable. top fandom is young royals with 166 fics! congratulations young royals, you are a very persistent hyperfixation, you didn't peter out after 2 months like i expected. Spot number 2 is taken by avatar the last airbender with 41 fics! giant leap there, but it's also funny because i fell into an atla rabbit hole late 2023 (as i do every few years) and it still got up to 41 fics despite uni not allowing me to read last semester (uni is evil). Same as last year, spn takes third place with 38 fics. speaking of persistent hyperfixations.......... *big sigh*

and that is it the boring part is over let's go to the fun section LET'S REC SOME FIIIIIICCCCSSSSSSS (under the cut)

JANUARY

bet you you'll ... (noraverse) (series) by @gh0sthugs | young royals, wilmon | teen&up | 52k words

a kid fic!! and such a sweet one too! i'm kinda weak for kid fics ngl, and nora is so sweet and wonderful, and the relationship that slowly forms between wille and simon is beautiful and comfortable. this whole series is just such a good time

spreadsheet notes: ah to fall in love with the dilf next door who also happens to be the ex crown prince of the country

A Royal Intervention by AnxiousAnaconda | young royals, wilmon | teen&up | 18k words

erik is being such a dumbass in this one. like, he means well, but he's kinda messing up and pissing people off (understandably). it's nice to get a view on erik that's not portraying him as this perfect guy though, and the fic is actually so much fun to read. and hey, the prime minister of luxembourg gets mentioned, which i was kinda waiting for in yr fic ngl

spreadsheet notes: big sigh... erik you fucking idiot. stop listening to august. also shoutout to xavier bettel apparently (edit: this aged poorly, fuck xavier bettel)

and each slow dusk by @if-fortunate | young royals, wilmon | mature | 49k words

okay. ooookay how do i even begin with this one. ohhh boy. okay. so. world war three. wille gets stuck in bjärstad with simon, many many things happen, it's about finding hope in a horrible situation and trying to live life despite everything falling apart around you. it's incredibly well written and something about it just has me in awe

spreadsheet notes: i don't know what it says about me that this is without a shadow of a doubt the best fic i have ever read in my life

Put Me Back Together and Take My Heart by @notalotgoingonatthisinstant | young royals, wilmon | mature | 50k words

i once again don't know what to say, this one is sooo good. simon is suffering and both wille and i hate it, but... but wille is there for him and ugh, they just... they just can't be apart. a story of reconciliation and healing from both physical and invisible wounds, and of making the right decisions for yourself

spreadsheet notes: ugh. UGH. my guys. MY GUYS. yeah let's go blackmail the queen

Department Six by @thisdiscontentedwinter | teen wolf | gen | 4k words

a fun short one about stiles and danny working for the fbi and being delightfully weird and mysterious

spreadsheet notes: HILARIOUS i'm in love with outsider pov always

FEBRUARY

There Are No Wolves in California by @thisdiscontentedwinter | teen wolf, sterek | gen | 5k words

you know, sometimes you see a fic you know is going to hurt you, and you've never clicked on anything faster. this is definitely one of those fics

spreadsheet notes: let's be wolves today yeah well derek what if i just break down and cry instead

you got my body, i got your body by @prince-simon | young royals, wilmon | explicit | 9k words

this one's technically part of a bigger series (which, definitely read that one too), but i'm highlighting this one cause... damn... this made me feel things... like, gender things... which is really weird cause wille's gender in this is very much different from mine BUT STILL

spreadsheet notes: how almost 9k of pwp gave me so many gender feelings i will never understand

Changing Channels: Queer Premiere by @emeraldcas, @fellshish | spn, deancas | gen | 27k words

this might actually be one of the funniest fics i've ever read. dean and cas are so stupid (affectionately) and all the crossovers are delightful (bonus that i knew all the other shows). everyone go read this it's gonna be the best time

spreadsheet notes: mel and fells have genuinely outdone themselves this is the most hilarious shit i've ever read

Catalyst by @stretchoutfics | young royals | teen&up | 3k words

a backstory for boris! this fic is within a series of other side character ficlets, but this one has a soft spot in my heart

spreadsheet notes: AAAAHHHH HE KNEW ABOUT THE RECKLESS DRIVING BUT DIDN'T BRING IT UP but also... him being a gay man trying to help the queer crown prince navigate his sexuality that's kinda nice actually, like boris understands at least a bit

The most beautiful boy by lovelysarcastic | young royals, wilmon | teen&up | 88k words

there's something incredibly grounding about this fic. the way it develops, the way wille rationalises his thought processes, the way the relationship between wille and simon develops... this fic just kinda sucked me in and spit me out again feeling... content and calm and... it's just... this fic is so beautiful

spreadsheet notes: dude i love this so much??? they're both so stupid??? i love them???

MARCH

All's Fair in Love and Hunting by @badjoices | spn, deancas | mature | 20k words

they're playing gay chicken but also are being incredibly competitive and stupid about it, and i'm just sorry about the shit sam has to witness. so many shenanigans in this fic

spreadsheet notes: they are both so stupid omg

["mi cotufita" started sharing their screen] by @omar-rudeberg | young royals, wilmon | explicit | 60k

so... this is a follow up to one of my favourite fics and it is a delight. very horny but also very sweet? and also for some reason there's porn. fun times! oh, and this fic made me cry. it really has the range

spreadsheet notes: how are they so horny it's so funnyyyyyy, but also if i were wille i could never look linda in the eyes again

A Light To Guide You In The Dark (Warmed By The Fire's Glow) by 80shairmetal | stranger things, harringrove | teen&up | 19k words

this is just... people taking care of each other out of the kindness of their hearts. finding comfort in strangers who become family. growing and helping each other. there's such a beauty to this one

spreadsheet notes: this is just..... comfort

did you see the love in my eyes, oh were you gazing through this disguise? by @tooindecisivetopickaurl | young royals, wilmon | mature | 67k words

fake dating my beloved. they're so in love with each other but they're pretending not to be while pretending... to be? i'm obsessed with them. but they're so respectful with each other and cautious of boundaries and they really are best friends who also happen to be obliviously in love

spreadsheet notes: love a good fake dating au they're so stupid i love them

flash like a setting sun by @playedwright | 911, buddie | explicit | 22k words

because you only realise you're in love with your best friend when you're scared you're losing him. that's the fic. and it's beautiful

spreadsheet notes: oh this is sooooo beautifully written and ugh just <333

Other people's secrets by @sflow-er | young royals, walty & wilmon | mature | 239k words

yooooo hello? so first off this is an outsider pov on wilmon which i am always obsessed with anyways but the focus isn't just on them, this is henry's story. it's a beautiful story about how friendships form and warp and change, how feelings manifest in different ways, how decisions and actions have consequences. it's an incredibly mature take on post-s1, and it's probably my favourite of the year. also ace representation!!!!

spreadsheet notes: ace henry my beloved <33 also love seeing wilmon from an outside perspective! such a good, well thought out fic with lots of healthy comminication <33

APRIL

if i stare too long by @brawlite & @toast-ranger-to-a-stranger | stranger things, harringroveson | explicit | 191k words

i haven't seen st s4 (and probably won't watch it) but that definitely won't stop me from reading harringroveson fic. i mean, who wouldn't look at those three and immediately want to see them together. the way their dynamic is written in this fic is peak, i don't even know what more to say. i also very much trust these authors with billy, and again i wasn't disappointed. there's just something in his head that's intriguing.

spreadsheet notes: this whole fic is such a vibe it makes me feel of hot summer chillin

MAY

Rewrite the Stars (series) by @in-amor-veritas | young royals, wilmon | mature | 137k words

definitely one of the highlights of the year, simon's whole life in new york... those scenes, they just show such a wonderful life simon has built for himself, and his relationship with wille doesn't change it, but he manages to fit in (after, you know, fun rom-com drama shenanigans). also. this is a kid fic. kid fics are my weak spot. rasmus is my new favourite little guy. also shoutout to luis best side character ever

spreadsheet notes: YELLING i love this fic sooo much it is everything

Where The Wind Will Carry Me by @1-life-to-give | young royals, wilmon | teen&up | 49k words

AND THEY WERE ACTORS PLAYING LOVE INTERESTS. do i have to say more? the tension guys the TENSION. also erik's side-plot i'm in love

spreadsheet notes: hopping up and down like a hyperactive chihuahua EN I LOVE THIS

Your love is my turning page (the t4t wilmon as girldads au) (series) by @willesworld | young royals, wilmon | teen&up | 17k words

i know i know another kid fic BUT!!!! t4t wilmon. makes it automatically superior. i'm not even kidding, add trans characters and i will like your fic (that i probably already like a lot) aroun 300000000 times more. but also this series comes for your feelings. it hits

spreadsheet notes: i am weak for t4t wilmon AND them having a biological child there's something so beautiful about it like that could be meeee ; siiimon i need to hug him and i need to hug wille they're gonna get out of this i prommy ; recovery and one step forwards a hundred steps back, but they made it there in the end ; they were so happy :((((

JUNE

A trace of dew by nuncflore | elden ring, this is too complicated | gen | 13k words

very elden ring-esque writing style, wonderful representation of whatever the hell is going on in the lore. hehehehehhe fucked up family ehhehehehe DIVORCE. my friends are so talented :))

spreadsheet notes: CAP I AM EATING YOU

Hanging from the Ceiling by @spicymiilk | spiderverse | teen&up | 6k words

for like. a week after i saw the new spiderverse movie i made miles 42 my entire life. that also meant reading this fic. and damn did this fic hit. i am still thinking about it

spreadsheet notes: i need more miles 42 content he is my favourite guy ever

The Darkest Little Paradise by @yourdemiurge | young royals, wilmon | explicit | 79k words

*holding you at gunpoint* read this fic. read it now, in this moment. you are not gonna regret it. believe me when i say you NEED this fic, you really do. doesn't even matter if you've seen yr or not. you're gonna thank me later

spreadsheet notes: THIS IS INSANE I CAN'T BREATHE MADY WHAT THE FUUUUUCK

JULY

Protected (series) by bastuba | young royals, wilmon | explicit | 69k words

hey do you ever read a fic and you just feel. so incredibly grounded because something about the characters feels grounded? like, they aren't grounded, but they still give off that vibe? idk how to explain this properly but that's this fic. also wille and simon cook together (i haven't read all parts of the series yet btw)

spreadsheet notes: incredibly grounded very mature how is wille like this ; i'd be like wille, always complaining about the heat ; they're soooooo. idiots. getting tattoos for each other ; i too would come out on a podcast about food ; SAFE SEX

AUGUST

The Season of Rebirth by @notalotgoingonatthisinstant | young royals, wilmon | mature | 30k words

part of a series, but i'm picking out this one specifically because it's soooo sweet!!! the title fits the fic so well, like yes it is the season of rebirth, but simon and wille's relationship is also rehashed in a very cool way, this fic is like one giant easter egg, i love it so much!

spreadsheet notes: wille taking the season of rebirth to recreate their early relationship, i am obsessed with him he's such a dumbass romantic

The Upgrade by @groenendaelfic | young royals, wilmon | explicit | 13k words

it's about the moment simon realises who wille is. that's why this fic is here. i mean of course also because it is very good, but mainly because of that moment

spreadsheet notes: the moment simon realised who wille is i am wheezing

Right Where You Left Me by @armandgender | spn, deancas | explicit | 94k words

if you're wondering why this fic is on my 2023 list instead of the 2022 list.... well that's because it took me almost a year to read the last chapter, and in terms of how my spreadsheet works, that makes it a fic i read in 2023. anyway. if you haven't read this fic yet, what are you even still doing here. click on that link right now. you want complex emotional situations? intricacies of ill-advised marriages? you wanna pick through abusive behaviour and encourage infidelity? well you're at the right place! also this has one of my favourite jack characterisations ever. it also made me go on multiple rants

spreadsheet notes: I FINALLY FINISHED IT AAAAHHHH I LOVE THIS FIC THE CABIN THE CATS JACK!!!!!

Alejito y Marimar (series) by th0ughts | red, white, and royal blue | teen&up | 18k words

OBSESSED WITH THIS DYNAMIC YOOOOOO. seriously the friendship between alex and martha is an expansion of the rwrb universe that is much needed, trust me

spreadsheet notes: the friendship i didn't know i needed in my life <333 ; they're just chillin!!!

SEPTEMBER

Change of Address (series) by hearmerory | avatar: the last airbender, zukka | mature | 134k words

okay. oooookay. strap in for this one, it is a lot. emotionally. like yes zuko is autistic, yes yes yeeees, i agree, also azula is treated like an actual person with actual mental issues, she deserves to be treated with care and this author definitely does that! this is the kind of series that makes me want to disappear in it, but it's also the kind of story i need breaks from, because it is so heavy (definitely check the tags for this one). zuko's relationship with sokka is written so thoughtfully and iroh is characterised incredibly and the author even included ursa in a way that didn't undermine everything that happened in the series before she appeared again. i can only recommend this one!

spreadsheet notes (there's lots of parts to the series, so this one is long): hhhh if i were ms jamieson i would have snapped after two days probably ; be nice katara!!!!! he's nervous ; i need to murder ozai ; and i need to murder zhao as well ; iroooohhhhh he should have just. taken the kids with him that first time he noticed something off ; yeah i think there was a reason why iroh never took zuko to the movies ; ozai needs to suffer ; i need to destroy ozai. violently and painfully ; iroh is the best uncle ever, zuko deserves all his kindness ; azula...... you don't have to fight for affection, it's not a competition..... they love you ; iroh should have taken her with him the first time around, she was like. 10, he could have just picked her up or sth ; ..... hakoda you idiot ; IROH BACKSTORY IROH BACKSTORY ; sokka and the plan that changed his life <3333 ; they are so soft with each other ; they all deserve all the therapy and support and yes sokka obviously you have adhd get with the program ; URSA??????? also i am living for sokka and azula's dynamic they are everything ; i don't. i don't understand her. i don't fucking understand her how could she not want her own children. how can she talk about them like that. like she knows them she doesn't know them she LEFT

Every night my teeth are falling out by @sulkybender | avatar: the last airbender, zukka | mature | 9k words

i was in need of some good zuko angst and oooohhh boy was i lucky to find this author. PEAK zuko angst. this fic in particular is very dear to me because it explores how mental illnesses would be handled in a world where there's practically no resources to help. i think we need that more

spreadsheet notes: yes well. how DO you deal with a schizophrenic fire lord in a fantasy world? (you stay with him and support him that is how)

OCTOBER

for years or for hours by @ghostinthelibrarywrites | the witcher, geralt/eskel/jaskier | explicit | 52k words

listennn i love myself some good polyamory fics, and this is the first fic i read for this ship and now i am OBSESSED with them. but this fic in particular.... the concept alone, like. what do you do when you thought the man you love was dead for 800 years, and then when he comes back you have another man you love. the answer is simple. polyamory. the two men you love also love each other. perfect coincidence.

spreadsheet notes: YO the concepts of witchers in modern times alone is sooo cool but adding in everything else? hello yes?

this is a love story by @achillestiel | supernatural, deancas | mature | 3k words

listen, i've never seen fleabag, but that's not the point. this is intriguing and funny, that's the point

spreadsheet notes: fucked up families and you want to fuck the priest hell yeah

The road not taken looks real good now by @stretchoutfics | young royals, wilmon | explicit | 90k words

it's not even the wilmon part i love about this fic (i very much enjoy it of course don't get me wrong) but wille and his kids. like, i don't want to spoil anything but like. wille's interactions with his kids are so important in this fic, and they're written so well. like, emilia is my favourite character in this, i kinda wish there was more with the kids honestly. this fic is definitely a highlight of the year, and to get back to wilmon, i do love how they're portrayed in this fic, how their dynamic plays out, and specifically how certain decisions do not depend on simon

spreadsheet notes: no but. the care put into this story. i can't--

NOVEMBER

Averno (series) by @sulkybender | avatar: the last airbender, zukka | mature | 12k words

a fascinating take on a fire lord zuko that was never part of the gaang

spreadsheet notes: HE JUST DESERVES KINDNESS but also he's a little fucked up WELL NO WONDER GIVE HIM KINDNESS ; i mean.... what makes a monster really ; well then let's get him out of his cell shall we (also hiiiii suki hello <3333)

Half Awake in Our Fake Empire by @hmslusitania | 9-1-1, buddie | teen&up | 34k words

another kid fic!!! but in a different fandom this time!!! seriously, giving buck a child fills so many of my life's needs it's ridiculous

spreadsheet notes: THEY'RE A FAMILY (thank you for giving that man a child)

a soldier (who carries a mighty sword) by @ghostinthelibrarywrites | the witcher, geralt/eskel/jaskier | explicit | 92k words

everything about this fic is wonderful!! the world(kaer morhen!!)building, the developing dynamic between geralt, jask, and eskel, ciri and yenn, the conflict, jask as a teacher!!!! aaahhhhh!

spreadsheet notes: they're my new favourite guyssss this whole fic is so cool, what they've done with kaer morhen <3333

Will We Last the Night by CSHfic & VSfic | avatar: the last airbender, zukka | teen&up | 143k words

this fic asks what if sokka had been stuck with zuko since the end of s1 and delivers a delightful answer. this is the adventures of zuko and sokka (and sometimes iroh) travelling through the earth kingdom. shenanigans ensue

spreadsheet notes: i am obsessed with this i'm just. i know it was only shortly but their life in ba sing se. obsessed

DECEMBER

Grudge Match by @catcas22 | elden ring | gen | 17k words

i'm not entirely sure how to explain this. it sure is an elden ring fic

spreadsheet notes: i don't even know what to say. this is ridiculous and brilliant and stupid and genius all at the same time. hell yeah suburban demigods

Lonely Digging by @toast-ranger-to-a-stranger | stranger things, harringrove | teen&up | 3k words

this is hilarious. go read it to unlock intense life-threatening flirting

spreadsheet notes: best way to flirt billy's doing everything right

***

(quick note: i’ve tried to find everyone’s tumblr handle, but i’m aware that not all the authors have tumblr/have it on their ao3, however if i somehow missed someone, i can go back and rectify that!)

if you’ve made it all the way down here i am giving you a kiss <3

[zmwrites]

OC Kiss Week Day 5: Worship

WIP: CAMRR aka The Royal Rebound

Pairing: Maeve x Charlie

CWs: kissing. like, so much kissing. strong hints of going further but I am a coward who can't write sex.

Words: 997

Notes: my dog judged me the entire time I wrote this so y'all better appreciate it

“Have I told you how fantastic you are recently?” Charlie asked, using their joined hands to pull her through the royal residence.

Maeve gave a self-satisfied smile. It had been surprisingly easy to convince the publicity people that she was too ill to remain at the event; a little waver on her feet, some sweat on her brow, a hand brought to her mouth when the right person was looking, weak assurances that she was fine and that she’d just gotten too much sun earlier in the day. And of course Charlie had to come with her, especially after she insisted she’d be fine if he wanted to stay without her. The optics of her going home ill and her boyfriend remaining at a party with innumerable single young women wouldn’t have been good when they were trying to rehabilitate his image to that of a committed and doting partner.

“How long do you think until one of those gossip rags runs a story about how I’m pregnant?” she asked, unable to keep the distaste from her voice.

“I’m sure someone is already working on it,” he replied. 

She snorted.

He slowed his purposeful stride and glanced back at her. “You were faking being sick, right?”

“Yes, Charlie,” she said, smiling fondly at his concerned tone. “If I’d actually been sick, I would’ve demanded you come with me instead of being understanding about your need to be at the party.”

“Really?”

“We spend all of our time together. If I’ve caught something, you probably have the same thing,” she reasoned. 

He paused at the door of his apartment and held a hand to his heart. “Ah, beauty and brains! I knew there was a reason I accepted your invitation for pizza when we first met.”

She rolled her eyes and allowed him to tug her inside. “Is there a reason for the rush? I thought the whole point of getting out of the media engagement was that we could relax for a bit.”

“We are going to relax,” he replied, flipping the lock. “The rush is because I’m expected to maintain a level of decorum when in shared parts of the house.”

Her confusion didn’t last long as he pinned her against the closed door and brought their mouths together, hot and languid despite his previous hurry. She wrapped an arm around his shoulders for leverage and buried her other hand in his dark hair. His fingers skimmed down her sides, ribs to waist to hips, leaving trails of burning skin through her sundress. 

She melted into him—she didn’t think she’d ever get tired of the way her body reacted to him. It had been weeks now and still all it took was a casual touch, some carefully chosen words, some purposeful eye contact, and her body hummed with anticipation. It was an addictive exhilaration that she never wanted to get used to.

He played with the hem of her dress, fingertips brushing her upper thighs. Her breathing stuttered. An aching want pooled below her stomach, and her body arched into his.

His mouth left hers and trailed down to the sweet spot on her neck while his hands inched closer to where she wanted them, sliding up the backs of her legs.

“Charlie.” It came out more breathless than she’d intended.

“Yes, darling?” he asked, the words humming against her skin.

“If your hands are going much farther, we should probably move away from the door.”

He laughed against her throat then lifted her up. She wrapped her legs around his waist and peppered kisses across his face as he carried her into the bedroom and gently laid her down. 

Her heels dug into his back to keep him in place, and her fingers tangled deeper in his hair as he kept his attention on her neck. Her thoughts were clouded by desire; all she cared about was his mouth and hands and skin and getting closer.

His teeth grazed her pulse point. She gasped and her hips bucked into his.

“You liked that?” he asked with a smug grin.

“Shut up.” She pushed his suit jacket off of his shoulders and reached for the buttons of his shirt.

The grin didn’t leave his face as he sat back and tossed his jacket aside.

Maeve stopped and gazed up at him. Even in the fading evening light, he was beautiful. Cheeks flushed, hair mussed, jacket discarded, shirt partially unbuttoned. She wished she could take a photo.

“Maeve? Everything okay?”

“Admiring the view,” she said. 

His brows twitched upwards.

She sat up and untucked his shirt, undoing the remaining buttons before moving to his belt. She palmed the front of his pants as she worked, smiling to herself as the tented fabric grew tighter. She’d reached the zipper of his pants before his hands took hers.

“You got us out of that publicity engagement,” he said, entwining their fingers. “I believe I owe you thanks.”

It was her turn to raise her brows. “What do you have in mind?”

He deliberately placed her hands on the bed to either side of her, as far away from him as he could reach, then took her by the waist and pulled her to the edge of the mattress. “Lift your hips for me?”

She did as he asked as best she could with only his thighs to brace her feet against. His hands skimmed up her legs, pushing her skirt up, then he hooked his fingers in the waistband of her underwear and slid them down. Past her knees, past her ankles, then tossed them to the side with his jacket and shirt.

The aching heat between her legs demanded attention, but she was too enthralled to do anything. She propped herself up on her elbows and watched as he undid the straps on her heels and added them to the pile of discarded clothing. 

He found her gaze and held eye contact as he sank to his knees.

[princessvelaryon]

Hello, before I have to go to work, can I start a conversation on King Jacaerys? Being crowned right after the war (sorry Rhaenyra, you died so this plotline can exist in my head), he would feel relatively prepared intellectually speaking, but not emotionally.

In my mind he would manage just fine in his duties since he's intelligent, resourceful and has good diplomatic skills... but he would feel so conflicted about it all, because he was never meant to be king so young, and most of his family died, some of the rumors haven't gone away... At some point he would 100% crumble in his wife's arms, confess all his doubts and his pain.

Thoughts?

I 100% agree that Jace would be a great king since he was trained for it since birth. I also agree that he would put on a strong front at first and then eventually crumble and/or combust. He is already naturally stressed and anxious. He has had such big responsibilities weighing on him since he was young. Not just royal duties but being the eldest son and help take care of his many younger siblings and worrying about setting an example for them while simultaneously watching over them.

Then he has to deal with the PTSD from the war and losing his family, which he blames himself for. Especially Luke's death. Westeros doesn't acknowledge PTSD yet so Jace probably feels insane and like a burden to those around him, mostly his wife who is definately the only person who he feels vulnerable enough to share these feelings with. Almost his entire family is dead and he never dare tell one of his acquaintances on his small council or any of his bannermen how stressed and upset he is for fear of looking weak.

Since he was a very young child and learned he was a bastard and what that meant in Westeros high society, how people thought bastards were evil and lustful creatures, he knew his reign was on thin ice. Rhaenyra recruiting common folk for dragonriders made his reign even more precarious. So yes, I think the combined PTSD, stress, court rumors, fear of another usurpation, fear of another war, worrying the common folk will rebel because of the effect the war had on them, fear of being poisoned and betrayed by his own men, the stress of producing heirs and the fear they will face the same rumors, discrimination and insecurity he and his two brothers did, fear of his wife dying in childbirth like his grandmother, fear of his wife losing a babe like his mother did, his grieving the death of most of the dragons, his young age and just overall stress of medieval life would cause him to have a breakdown sooner rather than later.

The only person he would love and trust enough to confide in would be his loving wife and she would reassure him of all his doubts and fears. She would help him through everything by his side and he would love her all the more for it.

It’s 5 am where I am and I haven’t gone to bed yet so I admit, this isn’t my best writing but I agree with you that Jace would be a great king but he would be extremely stressed and traumatized. His wife will be there to be his rock😊

[knitjumpergames]

Grinding my teeth - a Dark Souls 2 Journal - Chapter 4

After the Pursuer and as the giant bird flies me to the Lost Bastille (not a sentence I thought I’d ever write!), I feel a sense of elation and excitement, a feeling I carry with me as I begin to explore this new area. I go slow and steady, feeling good about my choices until I walk into a room and am immediately swarmed by Royal Swordsmen and killed.

After that particularly grounding experience, I explore a little further until I accidentally find the boss, who promptly flattens me. I decide that this may be a place best explored at a later date.

Not leaving me many options, I go back to Heides Tower of Flame. But after the Pursuer, I have a new found confidence in taking on larger enemies. I watch these knights, I learn their attacks, I test weapons and work my way through them, and before I know it, I’m at the next boss, The Dragonrider. He’s got more reach, but is much slower. It gets a bit close, but he’s dies on my first attempt. This the leads onto the next area, the Huntsman’s Copse, which is significantly more approachable than The Lost Bastille, and I get to exploring.

Initially upon starting this game, I really wanted to do it completely blind, but in truth I can’t spend my entire life trying to figure this game out; I’m gonna need some guidance. So I go to the wiki, and some forums to look up some information; firstly, I notice how rude and derogatory a fair amount of the comments are. One in particular had someone scoffing that a player struggling with Dark Souls 2 must have only played A HUNDRED AND TWENTY HOURS, explaining their lack of success. 120 hours, I’ll be lucky if I manage to play half that much in a year! I’m a working man, a husband, a father, life is busy, I can’t sink that sort of time into this! I worry moreover about the undercurrent of some of these comments, that seem unnecessarily elitist and unfriendly to newcomers. Now not all were, and I’m sure that the majority of the Dark Souls community is lovely, but these few people have me pause for thought.

I need to speed this game up then. As I begin to look through the wikis, I noticed something odd- details that don’t line up, enemies that aren’t where they say they are, shortcuts that don’t exist. This is when I learn of two things; the SOTFS version of the game, and the post release updates. Now I only have the original game, and moreover as it’s on an Xbox 360, I am playing the 1.0 version of the game- no updates. Interesting.

And annoying. For example, in the newest version of the game, there is a shortcut to the boss that you can open in Dead Man’s Cove, but in the vanilla game? Yeah nah, you have to run the whole level first. I try the boss once, then find the whole thing so frustrating and leave it.

Returning to The Huntsman’s Copse, I continue to push forward. I really love how each level teaches new lessons, and has its own distinct flavour. This one has several new things: hidden rogues who try to ambush you, poison butterflies, and reviving skeletons. I manage to get to the main boss, the skeleton lord dudes. The lords themselves are weak and die quickly, but the sheer quantity of minions running around is difficult to manage. The pillars are helpful for kiting them around, thinning their ranks until none remain. And that’s it, boss beaten on the first go.

I light the first bonfire in Harvest Valley, then return to Heides Tower of Flame. I know there’s another boss: the Dragonslayer. He’s fast, much faster than the Dragonrider, and he kills me several times. But I’ve upgraded by Broadsword, and it does good damage. Dark Souls 2 has taught me an important lesson: the best defence is to kill the enemy as quickly as possible. The longer a fight draws out, the greater the chance of being hit.

So I get aggressive with this boss, I get close, seize my openings, lob firebombs. It’s close, but after three attempts, I nail him.

Good stuff.

[izar-tarazed]

Welcome!

What this is: This blog is mostly dedicated to my Elden Ring OC Izar (and well, her companion Ensha – more about them below). There might also be other content (other games, DnD 5e, writing) unless I’ll feel the need to create specific sideblogs for that (unlikely, I lack the energy).

What I do: I’ll mostly share screenshots, headcanons, storytelling, and writing snippets. (Here's my tag list!) While this is not a pure RP blog I very much enjoy RPing, so feel free to shoot me a prompt/starter whenever you like! (For more information regarding RP, flip through the Stargazer's Cookbook over here!)

Who I am: I usually go by Malinche; over 30, she/her, living in Europe. Not a native English speaker, so bear with me if I say strange things. Expect occasional ramblings about the glory of freelance life, and know that there is never enough coffee.

Izar barely remembers anything from the time before her awakening in the Lands Between – just her name and what she knew of the stars. However, the stars above the Lands Between are different, their lore mostly lost to her, so she gathers stories and bits of information wherever she can.

Her most treasured possessions are her telescope and her map-making tools.

Whenever she gets the chance, Izar will sit and work on her celestial maps, preferably beneath the golden light of grace, trying to figure out constellations and their possible meanings. Working on her maps also calms her down and helps her focus.

She’s often more driven by her astrological curiosity than by the ambition to become Elden Lord – she’ll confront Rennala mainly because she wants access to the library of Raya Lucaria, and Radahn because she wishes to set the stars back in motion.

Izar relies mostly on her sorceries – the Comet and Night Comet are her favorites – and only starts improving her skills with melee weapons and a shield when Ensha insists on teaching her.

Izar is a little geek when it comes to astrology and will talk about it with neverending enthusiasm. At a new place, its (potential) view of the night sky is usually the first thing she’ll check.

She values the friendships and alliances she makes, being protective of those she cares about; that might be both her greatest strength and her greatest weakness.

Upon meeting someone for the first time, she'll rather be calm and cautious, but much more confident, cheeky and bubbly once she feels comfortable.

The fact that she doesn’t remember who she was before bothers her more than she lets on.

Izar soon realizes that she isn't as ambitious about taking the Elden Throne as she maybe should be. Her true dream is running the Academy of Raya Lucaria and turning it into a welcoming place where knowledge is not hoarded but shared.

When upset, she can be pretty defiant, sarcastic and snappy.

Izar spares Ensha’s life when he attacks her at the Roundtable Hold.

This leads to them being sent out on a mission together to track down Latenna (which, of course, doesn’t go as planned). While they start out deeply suspicious of each other, teaming up only reluctantly, they eventually come to trust each other and, despite some challenges, become close friends, which leads to certain tensions considering his loyalty to Sir Gideon.

(I’m not entirely sure what Ensha is, but I’m leaning way more into the headcanons of the somehow animated armor/actual skeleton with some kind of relation to the ancient king mentioned in the description of the Royal Remains set, rather than just being some guy with a skull mask.)

Ensha will often travel with Izar, having her back and finding picturesque dungeon walls to lean against and ponder how on earth this careless astrologer can still be alive. (He's exaggerating, of course. Izar can definitely handle herself ... most of the time.)

Ensha tends to be more wary of others than Izar is. He's extremely perceptive and quite good at reading people (and finding things). He often encourages Izar to put in the work to improve her skills, and be more disciplined about her goals.

However, he's also surprisingly fine with engaging in all kinds of mischievous shenanigans with her.

Since Ensha doesn’t speak, their communication process is a little rocky at first but improves once Izar gets better (and eventually good) at understanding his sign language. From then on, they'll often have some partially silent banter going on, and are able to communicate subtly if the situation calls for it.

Izar is also able to sense Ensha's emotions to a certain extent (more on that headcanon here).

[chesters-ocs]

Long Tale

i just felt like writing for historian!sylvester. thats it. hes such an enigma to me

wc: 646

"My Lord, leaving so soon?" A knight asked as he noticed the visually impaired man pack his belongings from the library desk. As per his request, the room was nearly pitch-black. The knight assigned to him by the young queen of the land had the rare luxury of baring witness to the electric blue shade of the lord's eyes.

Briefly, he recalled The queen being a potential lover of his surrogate daughter, who, in the end, was the one who persuaded him into taking on the task of sifting trough the archives of her fiance's homeland.

"I am, yes. Could you be a dear and help me to my chambers?" Sylvester requested, slipping on a thick blindfold, which should help with the problem of having such a high light sensitivity.

"Of course, My Lord. May I?" he asked, hands hesitating to touch the man, seeing as any pain inflicted on him could very well end his entire career.

Such a rare spectacle as the man before him clearly held a high reputation. If not for his work, then at the very least for his immortality. Each word he spoke carried the weight of a million suns and the memories of a thousand lifetimes.

Even a fool could feel that trough his humble refusal to be called anything higher than a Lord. Were he a more self-centered man, he'd make everyone bow down to him and call him their god. Many of his kind have; with great glee at that.

"Of course, I'm not as fragile as I look," he assured. With as much gentleness as the knight could muster trough the heavy armor, he hooked an arm trough Sylvester's own one, and began slowly guiding him trough the doors.

A slight wince still escaped him as the blinding light still managed to seep trough the thick blindfold. Panic briefly arose from within the knight that he did something wrong, but relaxed upon realizing it's just the light bothering him.

Truly, fascinating how a man of such notoriety can be rendered powerless from a little light. Though, thinking quick on his feet, the knight quickly folded a silk shawl and gently tied it even over that.

"Is... is that better, My Lord?" he asked tentatively.

A small nod felt like mountains were moved from his shoulders. Relaxing, the knight kept guiding him onward. The halls of the labyrinthine palace could make anyone get lost within, were they not careful. Luckily, his guide is more than experienced. It also helps he's one of the queen's younger brothers. Effectively: one of three princes, despite not being of royal blood. Though, with them happily taking on the protective role for their younger sister and her guests, it seems the peasant blood truly didn't matter in the end.

They continue on in silence. Though, the knight is unable to help himself as he analyses Sylvester from the corner of his eye, and tenses when he sees the heavy satchel hanging from his shoulder.

"My Lord," he begins, worry seeping trough, hands just about to shoot out to snatch up the leather bag.

"No worries. Again, I'm not as weak as I look. Your armor is burdensome as is, i bet." he jokes lightly.

"Right."

"Actually, how long is the walk left? I recall it was a ways out, yes?"

"Yes, My Lord. The Queen apologizes for-"

"Nonsense!" Sylvester cuts him off, "I do not mind. Actually, do you know the legend of the city's flag? I'm having trouble finding the most common version of it."

"I do, My Lord, yes," the knight hesitates, "It's quite a long tale."

Turning his head to face the knight, Sylvester smiles. The action almost causes the knight to feel like he's actually staring directly at him, in spite of the fabrics shielding him.

"That's alright. We have time, no?"

"Yes, My Lord. I believe it's..."

[zarogz]

Writing tag game!

Tysm @moonlightfrogsandkisses for tagging me!! :D

1.How many works do you have on AO3?

I have 4 so far! Working on my first au rn :)

2. What’s your total AO3 word count?

Somewhere around 1500 I think? Probably a little less.

3. What fandoms do you write for?

Young royals :)

4. What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

I only have four as of now, but ranked by kudos would be:

The Road We Take Funnily enough the first one I ever wrote.

As Darkness Falls I think this one just had to get out of my head, I'm not a huge fan of how I wrote it and looking back there are a LOT of mistakes but I'm keeping it online in case anyone likes it.

Where Soul Meets Heart Genuinely forgot that I wrote this :')

When Two Worlds Collide A space/sci-fi au I'm working on right now!

5. Do you respond to comments?

absolutely! (I accidentally ghosted like an entire fic once because I forgot about them, sorry!!! and responded like 2 months later) but yes definitely! I think it's really fun to see the perspective of other people on my stories, and they inspire me!

6. What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

I want to say Where Soul Meets Heart but realistically it's probably As Darkness Falls

7. What’s the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

Definitely The Road We Take

8. Do you get hate on fics?

Nope! luckily not

9. Do you write smut?

no :)

10. Do you write crossovers? What’s the craziest one you’ve written?

Nope :D

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Not that I know of.

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

Nope :)

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

Oooh not yet, but that does sound fun! I think I'd like to settle a bit more into my writing skills/style first tho. But I would definitely love to do that someday!

14. What’s a WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

I don't have any (posted) as of right now. At least not any that I don't think I will finish. But I have so many ideas/scenes that I just can't figure out the right fit for if that makes sense? I'm thinking of posting a fic with just random WIPS though.

15. What are your writing strengths?

I like to think I write dialogue pretty decently? But all the fics I've posted now are my only experience so we'll see!

16. What are your writing weaknesses?

Probably making things sound smooth, or write how the characters feel in a smooth way. Sometimes I read a fic where people can describe certain emotions in such beautiful ways instead of "he was anxious" and I think that's so incredibly cool.

17. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic?

I definitely think it can be done right! But also in a way that doesn't pull you out of the reading experience because you don't understand what they're saying, if that makes sense?

18. First fandom you wrote for?

Young royals

19. Favorite fic you’ve written?

When Two Worlds Collide Which I'm working on right now. I think it's my first 'professional' fic if that makes sense? I proof read a lot more, am settling into writing, and I even managed to convince a friend to beta read!

Granted they watched the first few episodes so they don't really know when a character is out of character, but they have helped immensely on the rest of the writing or when I can't figure out certain sentences!

I’m also messing around a bit with world building and sketching/drawing things for a fic for the first time, so that's fun!

I haven't really connected with people on here yet, so I also have no idea who's been tagged, but I'll give it a shot. No pressure!:

@gioliana @grapehyasynth @filmspring

[egittae]

10th of red wolf moon, 1159 | drabble

“How have I gotten where I am today? What an odd question that you have for me.”

The king’s voice ran soft under a warm chuckle. “I was not expecting an interview early in the winter morning, but I shall entertain your strange request.”

The inquirer in question was one of the newest additions to the royal guard, a young man with life burning in his eyes and a heart in the right place. He may be sitting at his desk, but there was no need to be close to notice how the soldier’s shoulders trembled with nervousness under the silver armor, hands behind his back as he did his best to keep a clean and solid composure.

“No path is the same, for a king. Even as we are born with a set fate- to inherit the crown and rule our nations, how we reach that point is ultimately not set down by the Goddess. Rather, she gives you the pen so you may write it yourself.” The blond began, leaning back against his chair, blue eyes focused on the young soldier before him. “I merely embraced my fate, as the next ruler of Faerghus. Many a novel detail tales of lords who wished to have been born free from the weight of a noble rank, wishing they could break away from it all, but I have always been the opposite. The love I hold for my nation is part of who I am as a man, and from the moment I understood myself as a person I vowed to live and breathe for Faerghus as if she were my own beating heart.”

Lambert never saw his title as a burden, or as an obstacle- much less as chains holding him back. It was an extension of himself, simple as that. “It is not an easy path to lead, far from it in reality, but I have never shied away from it. Even in my days at the Academy, despite my admittedly questionable attendance records, every action I took had Faerghus’ future as part of its purpose.”

Days of skipped classes on the hunt for adventure- but too for a chance to experience the world for what it was without being tailed by guards or stuck behind protective walls. Caking his shining silver boots with dirt and hay as he walked through the small towns surrounding the monastery, right in the middle of the streets, uncaring if he brushed against a dusty farmer or a dirty animal- eyes and ears far more interested in the display of life he was being privy to.

“…but I suppose most importantly, I have never, ever turned my back on the idea of facing the people for who they are. Perhaps it may be presumptuous for me to say, but most lords do not understand the power the common folk possess. I however, do. And I want the Kingdom to be aware of it, too.”

Wondering why it was the way it was, its intricacies, what little things he had yet to discover and how they compared to the commoner reality of the Kingdom.

The soldier, initially stunned by the response, stood in silence before snapping out of his shock to offer a rather quick and fervent nod, much to the monarch’s amusement. “I-I see! Your response was truly enlightening, Your Majesty! But…If you allow me to ask for a second- what do you believe to be your biggest strengths, Your Majesty? And perhaps, if it isn’t out of line for me to ask…your weaknesses as well? Forgive me if the latter is too intrusive on my part, Your Majesty.”

A slow blink hid another chuckle of amusement, Lambert not wishing to make it seem like the other man’s anxiety was a source of entertainment- even though the excess of his actions did earn a quirky smile from him as he pondered over his thoughts. “You are objective with your inquiries, I must say. Very good.” The praise seemed to wash over the soldier’s shoulders like a gentle cloth, cheeks flushed with glee as gratitude quite literally reverberated throughout his entire body with a rather enthusiastic nod.

These recruits, really…the king thought to himself fondly.

“My strengths are quite obvious, do you not think? I am an expert in the matters of handling glass and crystals.” A moment of silence, suddenly broken by a hearty laugh as Lambert waved his own joke away. “I jest, Margrave Gautier and Duke Fraldarius would give me a most judging stare if they were here. But to properly answer your question, I shall begin by sparing you the most obvious. There is little to gain from describing my performance as a knight to you as you have most likely been told about it ad nauseam during your training, I am sure. Rather, I will say I believe I have a good grasp in what it takes to be an understanding leader. Many think understanding is to merely be a good listener, or to possess sympathy…when in reality it is much more than that. It requires you to be willing to not only put yourself in another’s shoes, but grasp their perspective both in an emotional and logical sense. Depending on the individual or situation, this is a task most daunting- but it is an aspect I can say I am confident I have a proper grasp on.” The monarch crossed his arms, a soft sigh leaving his lips.

“And I too think I have a good judgement in when to make a difficult choice, as well as how. I cannot please all, no matter how much I wish I could, and so I must always choose what benefits the nation even if it means enacting ire from a few. If they hate me for it, let them- in the end I must, too, be confident in myself and my choices, and I cannot let the discontent of some nobles topple my authority. Harsh, maybe…but necessary. There is no such thing as a life made of easy choices.”

A short hum then, as a gloved finger curled under his chin in thought. Maybe some would think this to be foolish- exposing his own perceived weaknesses before a young recruit, but Lambert thought it as fine. Good, even. There was an art in maintaining a balanced view of a king who was both idealized perfection and the ultimate pillar of support- and a king who is human, and possesses faults, but is ultimately relatable.

“I have had an extensive number of individuals that claim I have a poor temper, and I will not completely deny their accusations. I admittedly have been trying to improve myself in that regard for many years now, but alas, my elder brother never thinks of it as enough. I too have been told that I can be inflexible and annoyingly stubborn. Once more, on one hand I understand their criticism…but on the other, I think there is value in being able to remain unshaken in some of my choices and stances, do you not think so?” Or maybe, behind the reasonable smile, was a big pout as he tried to gain validation for the fact that hey, he wasn’t that stubborn. Rodrigue, Matthias and Gunnar were just too annoying and naggy about it.

The recruit’s nod was, in the end, unsure. Yeeeah? Maybe? Sort of? “…I see that the Duke’s claims have reached even my men, oh Rodrigue you crafty creature.” An exasperated sigh left Lambert’s lips, now properly curled into a pout that lasted seconds before returning to their more well composed state. “My plights with my lords aside, has that answered your questions?”

“Y-Yes, completely! Finally getting the chance to talk to you truly was…an experience I will never forget, Your Majesty!” Much like before, the soldier’s gratitude came in the form of many nods and trembling smiles, almost resembling a rather excited puppy if Lambert were to attribute something more to it. The guy had to be almost Glenn’s age, if not perhaps slightly older at most.

However, before the soldier performed a final bow and salute to leave, wandering eyes found themselves on the king again. Motioning with a pointed nod to give the soldier clearance to continue, Lambert watched him curiously. “If I may…one last question, Your Majesty. Something shorter perhaps, so as to not waste more of your time.”

“We have scheduled this moment, have we not? My time is therefore yours for the time being, or so my planner states.” Lambert reassured the man with a smile, leaning over his desk and supporting his chin on his hands. “Go on, I am all ears.”

“If you may indulge me…if you were to be a character in a novel, what role would you like to possess, Your Majesty?”

An obvious answer was made clear before the question was even finished, but Lambert still regarded it with as much care and patience as the last two. If anything, for this third and last, he gave it additional thought- eyes closed for a brief moment of silent thought. “I would like to remain as a leading figure, whose role is to continue working towards shaping a good world for whoever finds themselves under my wings. However, that does not necessarily mean I wish to be said to be the novel's protagonist.” Corners of his lips slightly pulled up into a small smile. “The protagonist could be anyone- any faerghan. It could be you, even. My presence is undeniable, as I work towards leading the future of your nation, but ultimately your life- your story, is in your hands and you may choose to overlap your wants and needs with my actions or not.”

“A guide who leads and builds, who is not necessarily a protagonist, but who is reactive to the narrative either way. I think that could make for a decent story, in my humble opinion.”

Ultimately satisfied with the answer, the young soldier left the study with still flushed cheeks and a joyful smile plastered on his face. Meanwhile Lambert, as soon as the doors closed, let out a quiet chuckle as his composure melted into the soft velvet cushion of his chair.

“Those were good questions, I admit.”

—

Hadn’t it been for the calendar and the planners in his office, he would’ve lost track of time under the Abyss’ cloak- the abscence of windows and the view of the sky making it difficult to keep proper track of the passing of time. A day much like all others ever since the monastery’s reclaim, split between aiding reconstruction in the surface before retreating to the underground’s protective alleys to organize his own personal affairs- maintenance for armor and weapons, keeping up with laundry, cleaning, planning for future classes. Mundane, unexpectedly normal.

The mirror in his bedroom, once hidden behind draped cloth, now often found itself bare. He couldn’t remember when it was that he stopped covering it up, whether it was deliberate- a reminder for himself and his progress, or if he simply forgot one day and never thought about it again as the reflective surface, cracked at the bottom, blended into his routine. Lambert didn’t bother with it, until now.

A day like any other, another number in the calendar as the sun comes and goes. Papers in one hand- a mixture of records for future classes and assignments from before the war that he had yet to finish grading, a cup of tea gently cradled by his other hand as faint steam dances through air as the professor stood mid-action, facing the exposed mirror. At first, it had been merely to check for any disheveled hair, but the longer he stared the more he found himself thinking and thinking until the realization finally manifested before his very eyes, sitting in the middle of his chest- heavy and clunky, difficult to handle yet somehow not truly disrupting enough to cause a disturbance.

The rush of memory had been odd and sudden- intense, but ultimately settling well within his chest. Counting today, it has been an entire year since he had defied fate as well as death.

An entire year since he heard those same questions- but not from an excitable young recruit, and rather from one of the Abyss’ cardinals as Lambert sought refuge in his confused and lost state. Eventually the shock wears off, the feeling dissipating along the tea’s warmth as its temperature grows colder to match the ambient’s.

A year alive.

A lot happened, a lot still had to be uncovered, a lot had to be processed still.

But as he watched the man reflected in the mirror, Lambert felt a light confidence in his heart. A year had passed, and his path had only begun.

“They were good questions, indeed…”